What Is The Most Psychologically Damaging Thing You Can Say To A Child
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- "You can't", those are the most psychologically damaging things to a child.
When you teach your children that they can handle anything, fear disappears. It opens up possibilities for them to find ways to cope and adapt and to become the beautiful powerful people that they're uniquely designed to be.
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Dr. Paul Jenkins
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You are amazing, no wonder people grow up with no confidence 😢
We can overcome, rose fragale. We can learn other ways, so glad you and others are at the channel and choosing positivity.
Story of my life. My mother never believed in me and always told me I cant be what I've wanted to be & now as an adult I don't believe in myself.
Totally agree. I am one of them. She always had positive things to say about my other sisters and al the negative for me. Not that she didnt love me but she kind of thought it was the way to make me a better person.
Well,I didnt turn out to be a better person at all.
Worst thing is now I feel like I am being like my mother not just to my kids but also husband. That's why I watch his videos to help change myself
This made me tear up. I remember hearing some of these things from my parents😢 it hurt then and even now... but thats why I'm here!!! I know back then they didn't have the parenting tools like we do now. Thanks the videos!!
So glad you have chosen something different for the next generation, Nancy Can. You got this.
don't worry.we are the same.my parents too.but we have a chance to be good parents than our parents.
Get over it jeez
I loved this. My parents said all these things and it's taken years to cope with the depression from it and unlearn the maladaptive behavior that I indirectly learned from them. Now that I have a son, I want to be the best parent I can be for him. I've been rewatching these videos on parenting since he was a baby and I just want to say thank you for conveying such valuable information. Our children are the future and they deserve to live in a healthy, happy home that fosters an environment in which they will thrive developmentally.
Children are our future and we have so much to do with how it comes out.
Jackie, you are so strong to go from a negative environment in your childhood, & turning into a positive one for your own child. That's harder work than starting from positive. You are a great example - especially to your child, but also to the rest of us! Dr. Paul is awesome & so helpful, right?
Shouldn't this extend to adults/spouses/partners!?
Miss E, agreed! We need to talk respectful to everyone.
Obviously.
Absolutely! Unfortunately some adults continue that cycle they were born into, even knowing it's wrong (usually only acknowledging that after the chaos), they appear to be unable to control their emotions, allowing their emotions to control them.
If you're in a relationship that you know in your heart is toxic hunny, there's a crucial point where you realize they are not willing to put the effort in to correct that cycle, it's time to accept it and move on.
Mutual respect is deserved but not when obtained through fear.
To everyone...
Something I personally learned after having a child that I can’t stand is when parents say “no I didn’t” or something denying the way the child feels about something that happened. Stating that their views and emotions are false. Even if that’s not how something was intended or even if it legitimately not how something really played out to tell someone that the feelings inside someone’s heart especially pain and sadness and to tell them that it’s not true is horrible, you then are forced to learn to disassociate from your body because you learn to not trust your feelings!
Taylor Loper, you are never wrong about how you feel.
Honestly I never want to become like my mother because she always says stuff like till now and Im catching myself doing the same to my Kid! Really eye opening really hits my heart. Thank you for your powerful Video 🙏🏽
You are welcome, hella ibrahim. Thank you for watching and being aware.
Same! It's very hard to stop the cycle. I remind myself I am doing better than my mother and her mother did.
“because she always says stuff like...”
You just did it right there, see? Tough to break the cycle. But the only person we can truly change is ourselves.
So true ... mental torture is dangerous
You lifted such heavy burden in my heart. I always question myself "Am I a good parent? Am I doing the right thing? Am I hurting my child this way? Am I becoming like my mother? Etc." Haven't said most (of what you've mentioned? but I must admit, I have said some hurtful words. I regret it but I can't take it back.
We all mess up, but we can apologize and move on with more positivity, maryam tube. It is good for kids to learn to give forgiveness.
Same here I feel like I want to hug all my kids when they get home from school and just tell them how much I love them and to please forgive me for my mistakes but I’ll never quit on trying to better myself. It’s good that we can all try to forgive each other for sure.
Same here
Oh 🥴 I’m a single parent and have two very lively children that I am guilty of saying some of these things to. You CAN! I didn’t hear this growing up but I intend to break the pattern. Thank you 🙏
Wonderful! I love it when we see we have a choice and decide to be positive. You got this!
Grace Kelly single parents are by far the worst to raise children! I feel for those poor children!
Maybe put up a video of what we should stay instead
Fastpitch Mermaid, I did, that aired a little bit ago, 3 Things You Should Say to Your Child Everyday. Very well received.
Fastpitch Mermaid that’s exactly what I was thinking
It’s important to know what not to do
In these situations, probably don't say anything at all. If you feel the need to tell your kid they're dumb and that you wish you hadn't had them, you should probably just step away and work on your own issues (temper, stress, etc.) instead of taking it out on your kid.
Good idea!
So helpful, so fun, I didn’t expect that the most damaging thing I say to my child is “You can’t”, I may do some changes
Thank you for considering, Chenxi Shu. Honored to be on your team.
Love this message. I will never forget when my dad told me at 11 that when I grow up and get married that I need to make sure to be lovable because my mother wasn't loveable. This was right after my parents divorce. To this day that thought process is the biggest cause of my anxiety in my marriage. Any mistakes or shortcoming I have my mind always connects the if I am not this then I am not loveable if I am not loveable I am worthless. Good thing I have an amazing husband.
MamaM2015, I am happy for you.
MamaM2015 that’s sad. Forgive him and move on. He said it when he was not in a good place with your mom
Thank you for this reminder! Fear, pride and our expectations are the most difficult things we deal with day to day. ❤️
Great point, Hilda wheeler, I agree.
I encountered so much bullying when i was a teens, all of my dads relatives and even my dad are bad influence, always say negative things on me, words that hurt me the most! “That I don’t know nothing and never successful in life, .. 😢 but Thank GOD I relying on him and turns out GOOd my life is perfect with GOD in my life, I’m married and have 5years old beautiful girl❤️
Amy Olsen, so glad you could move on and have more positive people in your life.
Non of us are perfect, all parents make mistakes. I have a “difficult” child...learning and behavioral disabilities, mental health issues. I’m guilty of saying “now what did you do”, because honestly, there was something every single day. I got calls from the school at least once a week. I did the best I could. My son is now an adult and he’s still struggling and I’m still trying to be a perfect mom, but I still occasionally say the wrong thing, especially when stressed. Be kind to your kids and to yourselves. Pray for peace inside and out.
cattailsforlunch, amen. Great advice, thank you for adding your perspective and experience.
I am learning for when I finally become a mother 🙂 thank you so much awesome video
Thank you for taking your role as a parent seriously, your forward thinking is inspiring, Mae'Serenity Mykaa.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you 🤗💕
Yh, many parents need to take it serious bringing a child into this world.
Completely agree👍. I too do it unconsciously, I don't mean to but from a child's perspective it means a lot to them, it effects them a lott... Hope I will be aware of what I speak......
We can all become more aware, Zohra Imran. Thanks for watching.
No matter how frustrating I am or when I lose my patient, I can still say to my four year old son that, "There is nothing in this world that you can't do!" or if some friends at his school/his toddler sister breaks something he builds, I can always tell him that because those friends and your little sister are not as good as you. They break one thing that you built, you can still build thousands or millions of them. Thanks to your videos! Your definetely helped me love my kids more and more everyday and will still try my best to better!
Lin Mcc, thank you for sharing. Please share with anyone else you think could benefit.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Will do 😊
We have to think before we speak and act in front of kids they will be the reflection of us. A lot of us grew up with very abusing parents or family like I did. I broke the chain educating myself watching this videos a few years ago nobody pushed me to be a better parent nobody told me about this videos nobody nothing . There is no excuses educating ourselves to be better parents and better person is our choice .
Joe Bello, glad you are here in our positive parenting community.
Wow, my mom did all of this, without learning from you. She's a natural talent I guess...
Some people are natural at parenting, OB Joyful. They are usually the ones who had good parents to learn from.
How about . . . "Go away, I'm NOT your Dad!" Which was delivered to ME at just eight years old. One day when I hurried in from playing, brimming with excitement. Only to be met with a newspaper and a silent response.
He's psychologically damaging me by not telling me what is the heck it is!
Crystal Johansen, Read some of the comments and you will see some things said, scary.
😂
Learn to listen actively
Thanks for reminding us about the things we know we couldn't say to our children but do when we loose it. What I personally do not feel easy with is your saying, "no it is not the most psychologically damaging thing to many of the things we say." If a child continually hear one or two of the same thing on a regular basis. In my opinion they wold be the most damaging thing they can say to a child. However, parents unable to deal with frustrations, use many, if not all of these on a regular basis and cause their children long term inadequacy and a feeling of failure for the the rest of their life.
Angela Lurn Wai, thank you for the feedback, I am going by my experience, but you are right when we hear one thing over and over again it sinks in.
I'm literally crying while seeing this video.
All RUclips, I have heard that before. Thanks for watching.
Glad to be here and so glad you are on this planet!! Thank you for your wisdom
Honored to be on your team, Laura Rose.
Thank you for bringing light to this extremely important subject
Joy Henson, honored to be on your team.
Will not only help you to be a better parent but to be a better person thank you sir for this good videos.
So nice of you, Joe Bello.
The flip side is damaging, too. I could never please my dad, ever. I was a straight A student, but when I brought home the A, he wanted to know why it wasn't an A+. When I brought home the A+, he wanted to know why I wasn't teaching the class. I was never an athlete, and he'd watch Olympic figure skaters and swimmers and say with disappointment, "You could do that." Never once offered to take me to the pool or a gym. Now I'm old and feel like a failure because I've topped out and I'm not still "rising."
My Dear Frankly, pick something YOU want to do, learn or experience and take it on. You are too old for everything.
I'm so very grateful my parents never ever said any of those words to us!! 💪❣🙏
Our ex DIL came into the marriage with a hidden plane!! load of baggage of her serious family's dysfunctions, which of course she carried forward. She became verbally abusive in a narcissistic way and talked down to our grandchildren as they were growing up, was unsupportive, played favorites and even acted jealous towards her own kids!!
Our son had an iron rule in their house having a whole different positive productive mindset... the word CAN'T was not allowed to be spoken by the children but encouragement to do their BEST, how to problemsolve, with him rolemodeling!
As they grew older, it was revealed he was often sabotaged by his own wife!
So counterproductive and painful to watch, saddling children with lifelong psychological struggles!!!
She eventually was diagnosed with mental illness and lost all custody.
Thank you for your educational public videos! 😇
Shepherd Bella, thank you!
My 4yr and 5yr old Grandchildren moved in with me... This is an awesome video and thank you, CAN'T is not allowed in my house. I psychologically damaged my children as the damaging torch was unfortunately without any knowledge of the evil self worth powers it held. NOT this time!! My grand kids will not feel insecure, they will always know they tried. or gave it their best shot first.
Thank you for watching and commenting, Firelady65. I truly believe that people do the best they can with the knowledge and resources they have at the time. What you did as a parent was the best you could do. When you know better, do better (Maya Angelou).
This is my favourite RUclips channel.Thank you so much for your guidance.all these things help me to be a very good mother.
Sangeeth Niranjana, thank you. If you know of anyone that could use the message, please feel free to share.
Thank you so much Dr.Paul,always waiting for positive parenting video everyday before i go to sleep to remind myself that my job is to love my child no matter.😊😊😊
Hi Jessica Ilano. Thank you for watching.
My father raised me to know that everyone, even the people that love me will let me down throughout life. That is the truth, and it didn't damage me psychologically, or emotionally. And whenever it came out, and it did usually, it was like water off a duck's back.
Miffred Cuttlefish, good to know we are all human and will make mistakes. Good lesson to learn young.
Most, if not all were said to me.. I am making my way through now, and also trying in helping those with similar experiences.
We need to learn that before raising a child we need to teach and educate our selves first and Watch our language !!!
Thank you for ALL your videos!
Well said!
Every time I tried to speak up for myself if I was asked a question about any conversation, when my mom wasn't around to defend me, my Aunts would always say, "oh you don't know anything, you don't know what you're talking about."
Wow, that was eye-opening, for my children's sake but especially for ME! Thank you Dr. Paul!
Thank you for watching, Flavio Ferreira, honored to be on your team.
Along with "now what did you do?" I'd say that acting exasperated when your child comes to you and saying "now what do you want?" is very damaging. Like you're such a burden and you ask so much! I got that so often...I grew up a very frustrated and low esteemed individual
Actions can speak louder than words, Cheyenne Wendegatz. We didn't get to those. Great point, thanks.
Aw..hey hope u know nw that that aint true..n ur never a burden.n so many people love u.n look up to.u!☺️
This is so powerful. I can't thank you enough for these videos. I am so happy I just discovered you. You're spot on with everything.
Welcome! Doe eyed beauty, glad to have you in our positive community.
Great advise as always! Love this channel. 😊
Thanks, Jennifer Verdin. Glad to have you at Live On Purpose.
Very good. When I hear some parents say some of these things to their children I feel sorry for those kids. Every father should see this before the first sun.
Words are so powerful, Meirele. Thank you for being here.
All of those things we said to kids years ago now wonder so many of us oops have suffered childhood depression and adult depression as well God bless us all
Our toddlers say “I can’t” all the time (usually during tantrums). My wife and I invariably respond, “yes, you can! You can do anything!” Doesn’t help. No idea where they get it from.
David McDevitt, during a tantrum, they aren't listening, just trying to manipulate. They are feeling out of control and don't know how to get it back.
That is absolutely untrue. Check out Janet Lansbury's blog to update your understanding of tantrums.
Mine are 2 and 3 and they certainly seem to be manipulative when they're throwing tantrums, which is daily. I never cave into whatever it is they are "tantrumming" about.... they get a quiet time to process those emotions (usually 2-5 minutes in their room alone or accompanied), then we'll talk like civilized people, does the trick for me! Doesn't work as well outside of home, but it's a work in progress.
Hey you guys, I do believe that we all have the best of intentions when we have children. That being said, I don't think anyone sets out to damage a kid. What kind of person would actually set out to damage their own child? Over here just wondering because it's hard to be a parent. Thanks and good luck!
Jen Bosaw, yes, I truly believe that most parents do the best they can with the knowledge and resources they have at the time. Unfortunately, there are some parents who intentionally hurt their children, and that is extremely sad. Thank you for watching.
I can imagine saying “I shouldn’t have had you.” Or “I never loved you.” Would be the absolute worse.
Artemis Hunts yup. The “I shouldn’t have had you.” -that one I’ve heard, at a very young age & I’m still not over it.
My adopted father told me "we should of never adopted you" and in my mind I finished his sentence "because we aren't ready to be good parents"
I wasn't the "proublem" they where...looking back at ot now that I'm an adult it was me protecting my child self.
Artemis Hunts, they are both terrible.
As a Christian, I am to love the sinner, but not the sin. You have to teach right from wrong by pointing it out and making sure they understand. If the bad behavior continues, a correction and punishment (ie grounding) must come from you. They call it tough love because it's hard on you to discipline someone you love. They need you to give them guidance so that they learn to make good decisions and handle their own lives with Christ who strengthens them.
Daughter of the Most High
Hope your mom left him, I bet he had very little or no friends and isolated your family from everybody
Hello from France.
Thanks for your advices.
As far as I'm concerned, the advice I prefer is not lying them, even little lies. And it remembers me my childhood and when I discovered that Santa Claus doesn't exist. We found our new bikes outside the house before. Nearly 30years later, I remember having lost a part of my confidence in my parents this day but not also them, every adults (at school, sport, etc...) . Why is it so difficult today to educate his children without false fairyland (tooth fairy, dreamcatcher,...) ? All this is fake and consumerism and children will one day know and be confused with your lies. Have a nice week sir!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Lielie Benattia. Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV. Best wishes back to France!
My stpdtr’s mother and grandmother, with whom she lived the first 13 yrs of her life, quite often “reminded” her of how stupid and ugly and bad she was. Actually, she’s smart, mature, beautiful, funny, creative, caring... I keep telling her she was told that she was ugly, etc for two reasons: they were jealous of her beauty and intelligence, and she reminded them of her dad. He and I have been trying to repair the damage for three yrs now. It’s not easy, but she’s worth it.
So glad you can be another voice, Curlieq55. Keep talking and she can rise above the negativity.
I have watched many of your videos already. Thank you so much I am very grateful. For the first time in a very long time my son told me he loved me today. Your methods work, they really work.
Wonderful! I am happy for you, Raul Duke.
I always encourage my children and thought I am doing things right, but now I feel so guilty that I’m actually crying 😢 😔 I have said few of those words to them like they never clean their rooms or they never help😔..., thank you for your video
Baran, I believe every parent does the best they know how with what they have. Now that you are more informed, you can move forward with how to do better. Thank you for watching.
I can’t forget when my mother used to tell me, “you don’t deserve the air you breath. Also she told me, “I should had exploded instead of delivered you” wow, that’s really bad what happens to me 😪
That is so sad, Maria. I am sorry you had to endure hearing those words. Please know that what she said is not a reflection of you. As a mother, I have unfortunately said some things I regret to my children, & that is MY fault for losing control. 😥
Dr. Paul has said in other videos that he believes most parents do the best they know how with the things they have been taught from their own parents & with the resources they have available to them. I've come to believe that as well.
Lastly (sorry, didn't mean for this to be so long), I don't know if you have struggled with this, but remember - forgiveness is freeing. I love this saying I heard a long time ago: "Holding a grudge is like taking poison yourself, hoping the other person will die." I hope you can or have forgiven her so that you are able to move on with your life.
Good luck, sister. 💙
maria jacomino, no one should be subject to those words and though they were directed at you, they were more about your mother. You are of worth just because human life is valuable and so you are going to have to do some self-talk to believe the opposite. We are glad to have you at Live On Purpose and hope you are with us for a very long time.
Very good points, Tecumseh A. Thank you for being so supportive.
when i was 14, my mother said to me "if i knew how you'd turn out i had done an abortion!"...
when i was little, she often told me "you can't". when she wanted me to do something (like tidying up my room) and i felt like it was too much for me i said "i can't". she only reacted by saying "telling 'i can't' just means that you don't want to!"...
beating me for mistakes while i was doing my homework, often saying to me "you're terrible", going out and leaving me alone in the house until midnight (when i was only 7!)...
there's hardly anything worse for a psychological development.
i don't wonder anymore why i stopped loving her.
a child's love to a mother isn't unconditional. especially when a mother's love to her child isn't unconditional (like my mother's love wasn't unconditional to me).
I wish to find your radio sooner. The sad part about this talk is my mother has used all of those psychological damaging things on your list to me and I’m her only daughter among the boys. Isn’t that weird? I should be spoiled but not at all. She always claims how much she loves us. Well, the only weapon that parents love to use to damage the kids psychologically is LOVE. Even though I developed mental illness for 20 yrs until present, I still managed to forgive & love her as my mother but couldn’t forget for sure. I’ve committed to suicide few times & ended up in psych unit. My parents thought that it was all my faults that I had mental problems. I’m doing much better now with psychological therapy throughout my adulthood. As a parent, I will try my best not to repeat what I’ve experienced to my children. I studied child development, worked with children, read many psychology articles & learned so many parenting techniques from all kind of resources just to help myself to understand & be the best mom to my 2 kids.
C Do, I love how you have educated yourself and continue to do so you can live a healthier and happier life.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV My husband and I decided to homeschool my kids. I worked in child care facility & school district before I was pregnant. It’s not an easy task to homeschool children, but we want to give it a try that’s why I want to invest my full-time motherhood to my little ones. I always wish that my mother was there when I was growing up since she was such a busy business woman. Could you please discuss about how to prepare & what to expect while homeschooling children? Thank you.
"Shut up!" I was repeatedly made fun of when I spoke and I was constantly told to shut up. I did for a year twice as a child and no one noticed. I no longer have a relationship with my family of origin.
1969Vanessa G, glad you are surrounding yourself with more positive people.
“Shut up” definitely hurts.
Same here.
It sounds like you have chosen to define yourself based on your hurt feelings over your childhood reaction to two words "shut up".
honestly, not communicating with your family of origin is a really hurtful thing to do to yourself and them.
You walk around with that pain because you never reconciled it. You don't necessarily need closure from your family to heal BTW.
also you need to get a grip and understand that shut up is not always a personal attack... sometimes people do need to be told to shut up.
I sympathize with your pain but truthfully you are in the wrong.
@@dailykaizen8313
Daily, do you know me or are you making assumptions from one comment. I wish your response was more circumspect and cogent without relying on assumptions. Try again.
Stunning, where else do we get to hear such important truths.
Dr Paul is THE most authentic teacher I have come across.
I may be Walking in the Footsteps of a Giant, but it's a great problem to have🧠👏👏👏
You are very kind, Joe Jackson. I love doing this and am honored to have you on the channel!
Thank you for this. Ive been quite harsh at times. Thank you for teaching me to be a better parent. I'm a good mum but I wish to be better and this helps, even if it's only this. Thank you.
Midori Rora, Glad to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
Thank you Dr. Paul for keeping in a line & hitting my conscious with your words of wisdom 🙏🙏🙏💖
Hi ROSIE112109. Thanks for always being here and watching.
Alright, I will keep coming to learn and support this program.👏🏽thanks
Awesome, we need to be force for positivity, Askalu Tewelde.
I honestly love this episode... “you can’t” yes you can 😍😍😍
shab nite, glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for being a part of our positive community.
Amazing learn a lots from your video. Thank you for sharing.
You are most welcome, Gode Wakana. Honored to be on your team.
Anytime broaching a hard to stomach topic like death, which unfortunately we have had to deal with historically and very recently, I always say, “I’d like us to talk about “x” because I know you can handle it/are ready for it.”
Natedoc808, what a great intro.
Caveat, you need to know your child is indeed ready for the conversation and tailor it to their current level, that way they don’t feel I inadequate if you go above their level and begin to have self doubt.
You are an angel! Thank you for doing this!!!
Honored to be on your team, Alnatureza. Thank you for watching.
My mother would say all of those. I grew up with insecurity and fear and so much lack of confidence. Failed at almost everything growing up and even in my young adulthood
I have heard this from way too many people, (actually one is too many). So glad you can see through what was said to you and create another mantra for yourself, S B.
wow, I feel good after watching this video. I hardly use any of these words. Well, I THINK (I hope it is true) that hardly any parents say these things in my country. I believe it is very uncommon to say these phrases. Although, of course, like ALL parents, I ALWAYS use 'never' and 'always'. no wait, actually, i grew out of that. I only sometimes say them to my husbound. Before I know it, it's out. Working on that. But seriously, I learned quite a bit from your videos, I am just happy that there are very little steps to be taken after seeing this one. Thanks for cheering me up
Yvonne Roep, glad to have you at Live On Purpose. I am hoping with more education, less parents will be saying these things.
And to realize my mother did all of this to me and If I acted out of frustration and said anything negative back to her, id get beat. I had to shut up and take it. Not say a word. Yea i didnt have a father. But I did have an uncle as a father figure that I found dead when I was 7. Have ptsd from all this now.
Marita Ludvig, that is a lot to go through. I hope you you can get the help you need to reframe this upbringing and use it to serve yourself.
Thank you for these informative Videos, they help a lot
You are welcome, kriti tiwari. Honored to be on your team.
My parents said most (if not all) of these things to me as a kid, and even continue to, now, as an adult. But, I disagree about what the most damaging thing you can say to your child is. I feel like the most damaging thing you can say is "you're selfish" or, "yeah, you could, but you won't". Same concept, different wording. Or, how about "no, you're not sorry, or you'd stop doing ___". I just loved when I would genuinely apologize and then have my apology rejected like this. Also, if you're kid acts up all the time, doesn't do their chores, watches TV/plays video games a lot, doesn't have manners, and you get upset with them/yell at them a lot, STOP TELLING THEM ITS THEIR FAULT! I've got news for you, if you're kid is a "bad" kid, it's because that's how you raised them! Your 8-year-olds bad behavior is YOUR fault, not theirs! If you ever feel the need to make your kid feel guilty in order to get them to do what you want (whether that be doing their chores or just bringing you a drink) you're psychology damaging your child more than you can imagine.
Katie Rosa, thank you for watching and commenting. I am sorry that you heard those things as a child. Remember - they are not a true reflection of who you really are. Some parents just don't have all the right tools to raise children in a positive way. This is why I created the Positive Parenting Playlist here on the channel.
I have a picky eater daughter who is 8 and very skinny. There are days she will go without any food and I get so frustrated.
I do use these words😕
Maryam Fatimah, Be clear with yourself when you are getting frustrated out of concern for your daughter and be slower about what you say and how you say it.
Would love these videos on podcast, so I could listen while on the way to work.
Discotraxx16, I haven't thought about modifying them in podcast form. I have a podcast for personal development at Live On Purpose Radio, check it out on my website at www.drpauljenkins.com or iTunes.
So eye opening. Definitely applies to adults too
Rachel G., yes it does. Adults need to get their act together and model what good behavior looks like.
Wow, the link with fear ! That s spot on with what I needed to hear for myself. Thanks :)
Hi A22 Lovelife, haven't heard from you in a bit, glad you liked the video.
Who actually says these things? People who say this are terrible
Trevor Dado, they do, sadly.
Those people should've used protection before they became verbally abusive parents.
So true. I agree with every single thing you say.
Khad din, thank you!
I’ve been telling my son for as he could talk that there’s NO SUCH THING AS CANT! I always correct him if he begins “I can’t…” that it might be hard but you can do anything you put your mind to.
But I read once that this is actually BAD for kids because it’s basically untrue in that there really are things they can’t do and gives them false hope???!
Caitlin K, I use "yet". Could be they can't do some things yet and they can decide just what they want to do as they get older.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV OH yess! I've read this before too! I had forgotten about it.
Thank you sooo much for your response! I love your videos and I'm going to ask more questions :)
Thanks again ✌ Keep posting, it's quality.
I just wrapped up another filming day for next month, Erick Mello. Thank you for watching.
I love your personality so much ❤️❤️❤️ your so funny and kind
Mai Pham, honored to be on your team.
If my daughter messes up I tell her to not look at it like a fail but a lesson to learn. We all have to fall to learn to stand.
Dawn Cawthra, like they say at my wife's school, First Attempt In Learning. Makes kids want to try harder.
My Mother once begged my Father to just say that he loved me but he refused to say the words. From then on I never trusted him even if he was nice to me. It's amazing how words can shape a child's life.
Daniel Hill, or lack thereof. I am glad you know you are loveable.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I'm now a Father of 2 teenage boys and I lavish them with praise and love and they are thriving. I try not to let the sadness of the past ruin the now.
Thank you for caring S💝 much about children (of all ages)!
Michael Jackson Stories, I am glad it shows. I love all people.
We got a metal poster of Yoda that says “do or do not there is no try” on their wall. Best Star Wars quote and we bought it at Hobby Lobby!!!!!
That is great.
When I was a child I just finished watching a Buggs Bunny cartoon where I heard the most strangest word so I went to ask my Mother: "What's a mental case"? And she said as loud as she could: "You are"!
specterman2000, maybe she thought she was being funny? I hope she wasn't serious.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV She was very serious!😢😫
The worst thing my mother told me which I'll NEVER will 4get..when I was a kid I told her I wanted to be a Singer she told me " What makes u think u could be a Singer when theres so many ppl out there with the same dream " No u cant do it!!! This has a scared me 4life now whenever I want to do something I doubt my self worth & think to myself I can't do this I'm not able nor deserving...I've given up on my aspirations & think if she would have believed in me I would have been somebody. Her negative words towards me as a child has ruined all my relationships & ambitions bc I always think I can't achieve anything I want .I feel like a failure bc shes never believed in me. I wish I would have never shared my dreams and desires with her.
69Fabulosity, it is time to change your mindset and challenge some of your thoughts. Have a listen to my podcast at Live On Purpose Radio. I interview mostly average people who do incredible things. You too can do incredible things.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for your kind words!
Amen!! Can't is definitely the worst thing to say to anyone! I was told that so many time and I alway told myself " watch me" I ended getting into so much trouble! I consider the phrase "I can't " as an automatic setup for failure! If possibilities are endless, than who am I to say I can't or you can't! I tell my four year old all the time to get in there and do it and when he says I can't, boy do I get frustrated! I simply tell him to try and if he feels like he failed then I tell him to try again! If he still feels like he can't I say do you want me to help? I can't is definitely one of my pet peeves! Do you have any advice on how to reinforce positivity when a child is at an all time low and feeling very discouraged? Cud that's my inner child sometimes! Btw have you had a chance to read houses of healing yet?
PatientlyWaiting 4MyKing/SouloDad, many people find that when they are low, they turn to gratitude. It changes my outlook and can cause us to focus on more positive things.
How about never telling your children this?
“I hate you.”
My parents said that to me a lot as a child.
Claire Frost, not good to say to anyone. Claire Frost, glad you are choosing to speak differently.
Omg,as my mom has passed away nd my daughter was alot attached to her,till nw she thinks she is in hospital.Cant tell her as she gets scared nd cry when she hear something like tht
M kaur, you will have to tell her slowly, how things change and that you are sad, but ultimately can be happy again. Kids need to know the ending of a story, they don't do well when there is no ending so tell her what you and she are going to do be happy again.
Very cool, thank you for the advice.
You are welcome, valentine attard, thank you for watching.
im 36, hearing these all my life from people.😅
It can really wear on you, ramona berger. Know that you are valuable and worth more than you understand now. Knowing that someone saying these things says more about them than us doesn't take away our hurt feelings.
This man is gold.
Thank you!
My stepsons mother told her son she was going to leave him and have other kids and replace him... He broke down in tears immediately.
That is so sad. I hope you can be there for your step son and be a positive person in his life, Tiffany Buchanan. Thanks for being here at Live On Purpose TV.
Thank you! You are amazing! God bless you!
Honored to be on your team, Libby Riggin.
I don’t know if this is funny or not but once or twice my mother say to me when I was a teenager ...“ if you was a chicken, I would’ve already killed you anytime “ .. I remembered it so well standing there in the kitchen with her, it scared me and it broke my heart into pieces so bad that I sadly walked away quietly into my room while my brother blurt out laughing. Not long i ran away from home with my bf. But even with him , memories would still come back in the dark ceiling of her standing in the kitchen telling me that, and the other time with the knife in her hand. I cried remembering it, all bcz I was just a teenager who was lonely and just wanting to go out and have fun. ... thinking Bout it now, it was just something she said to scare me 😟 never do that to children’s .
I agree with you - that's not a good thing to say to children, Blossom Love. Please know that what your mother said is a reflection of her, not you. I have so many videos on the channel helping parents do their job better, because we as parents have got to be better at raising mentally healthy children. I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive your mother, if you haven't already. Forgiveness serves you - it releases you of negative feelings and grievances. We have videos on forgiveness and other topics on our Positive Personal Development playlist, if you're interested in looking at any of those: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Live On Purpose TV thank you ❤️ and yes I forgiven her in my heart even tho she never apologized.
My dad told me that scientist would discover how to prevent death very soon and that we wouldn't have to worry about it
Pisces S, interesting.
Thanks for the deep insight
My pleasure!
Can’t is one letter too long. You CAN do!
Love it! Firebirdz CAB, glad you are in our positive community.
God bless you Doc.
Thank you, Pro Metheus.
I think behind the camera is a bunch of dolls sitting down watching him & maybe his parents said this stuff to him lol
Angela Villanueva, quite an imagination, no my parents didn't say this stuff, comes from my private practice.
Thank you but never used those words for my children
Awesome, Alallah Akbar kabiira, thank you for watching.
Glad I found your videos. Great info. I honestly try to be a better parent everyday
jake barnier, I love it, welcome to Live On Purpose TV.
My mom to me: “you’re more trouble than you’re worth”
Jeez I'm sorry about that
I’m sorry about that .. usually people who say it have learnt it from their own parent/caretaker (s) growing up
Hope you heal from those sweetheart and break the cycle
We’ve all been there.. parents or older siblings .. most of time it doesn’t mean there is no love but just bad way of handling stress
Every soul is GREAT in the sight of God. You are absolutely worthy and incredible and never forget that!
😢 hugs..
Chelle Bell, glad you know it isn't true. I love the positive comments from other viewers.
I think I've used all the things you're mentioning.. not proud of it, and every time I said it I knew what it was doing to my child and said sorry afterwards. I'm just afraid that I've already done too much damage. He is almost 5 years old, is it too late to start doing it the right way?
Shraddha S No, not at all. Best of luck to you! 🤗
No way is it too late, Shraddha S. You got this. Positivity is contagious.
Thank you for this information. I'm guilty. I need to change for my kid. Again, thank you.
You are so welcome, shammaist. Glad we can be a resource for you.
I gotta admit I was a very loving father and took time out for them individually but I am guilty of using some of these frases.
Johnny Doe, none of us are perfect and I am sure they know you love them.
Live On Purpose TV they do but one son went full thug life smoking pot everyday to not even talking to me because I did not accept him acting like he grew up in a gangster shithole City we raised them actually in the countryside.
My wife is completely immersed in this idea of can't. I love what you said. Paraphrase, you have done everything that you have done up to this point.
I love a response that I have, when I say to myself about can't. I say I can't first. Then I say 'no that's not true, you don't know how right now.' Then I say, 'how can I or could I do this.' Gets the process going at least.
Robert Dellamar, I love it.
What can you do if you said any of those things to your child.
I'd think a person would want to move on and start fresh today, and not make an issue out of what they did in the past. It's like a woman I knew who gained a lot of weight during 4 pregnancies, but after her last child, she lost all the weight and starting exercising. Her husband just couldn't get over throwing it up to her how she'd been fat. She finally left the relationship and they divorced. She wanted to stay fit and healthy. Today is a new day.
Apologize and move on with positivity. Honored to be on your team, Asha Edmonds.
My mom was a very abusive person to me & my little brother when we were boys. She was very verbally abusive & she was just as equally if not more physically abusive. Several times we have heard momsay to us. . . . "oh i hate you boys, i wish you were never born"! We were cussed at all the time and called alot of horrible names! We were physically beaten with a leather belt with welts & bruised up & down our legs, bare butts & up on our backs! Our hair was pulled all the time, we were punched & slapped alot, & we were also spit upon right smake dab in our faces & eyes.
i have grown to hate physical & verbal abusers of any kind. . . . .child & spouse abusers
Rodney Leonard, wow, that is terrible. She must have been such an unhappy person.