"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." - Silent Bob in Clerks
A woman tried to trap me once. Didn't know at the time, but she was putting pin holes in my condoms. The joke was on her though. Because I gave her AIDS instead of a baby :P
I did dodge a big old .50 cal bullet 2 days ago. She dumped me again, saying that she cant love me the way she loved some randome dude she just met. I know its for the best, but it still hurts like a mofo
Joe Vaughan do it man .you get into this vicious cycle of feeling good. you go to the gym, you feel good. you feel good, so you want to eat well and go to the gym.
Joe Vaughan True (I was thinking that he always says that too) but he's right. It is the cure for a lot of problems, not the least of which is low self esteem.
+neogenesis All those feel-good chemicals your body makes, you feel good. People start noticing you looking good, you feel good. You meet a nice LAY-DEE at the gym, you both feel good.
@@Kickex yes but keep your life clean away from drugs and alcohol and you should be saving alot of money to think about what to do with your life/start your business. Business owner is a very hard thing to do because you work more than being an employee but it's easier if you keep yourself away from vices . Those broads will see you successful later and regret it and you'll feel great.
"All you have to do is be majoring in something witch sounds like there's some cash in the end of the rainbow, tell a couple of jokes and your'e in there"
my favorite part of these clips is when Bill reads and rereads the emails out loud and he is still confused, trying to figure out what the hell they are trying to say.
Okay, the sweatshirt story was cringworthy, but we all have a story like that. Its amazing how much of your adult life is actually about mastering simple crap setting boundaries and spotting bull shitters.
Ive never been faithful. Luckily, I've had little trouble picking up women. But I feel like my day of devastation is coming lol. Fuck it, you only live once
Here's what you do if you are the guy and she say's she has a bf. She is testing you to see how you react. You don't react. Just keep on going like you didn't hear a thing. You are a stone cold rockstar. You are solid and unbreakable. When shit hits the fan, you are cool, calm and in the driver's seat.
I wonder HOW THE HECK does Mia react to this. Just doing her thing when suddenly from all accross the house. ".......lllaaaaaaaaDEEEEEeee..." 10 minutes later ... "HEY, SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" If I'd do this neighbours would probably call the police. I can only imagine her loosing her breath laughing imagining Bill yelling to an empty wall. I personally would end up scared shitless for the rest of the day.
Recognized the story from the little video tour that he did at hampton beach. He didn't mention the part where he had to get hammered before he had to wear his flamboyantly-colored sweatshirt lol
Been in this exact situation... 9 months talking everyday all our of the day exchanging nudes then she mentions she has a boyfriend and has since you met and she can't take things further because that's cheating.... Umm you don't think the other shit you did counts as cheating?
She probably had a boyfriend back at home away from school and after messing around with you she started feeling guilty or the boyfriend was coming to see her and that is why she did this
Same thing happened to me in school too. Yeah it sucked but I got over it. Yes, come to think of it, she was a psycho and I'm lucky she and I didn't get together.
louis brains I wish I could be surprised too, but girls in their twenties, at least in the U.S., are more unpredictable than the weather. They're old enough to know how desirable they are, but not mature enough to wield that immense power responsibly. I'm glad Bill is around to help these poor guys understand that the only solution, the ONLY solution, is to be extremely comfortable with yourself, both your mind and your body. Physical training, a good diet, and a sense of humor will get you through any drama.
He's a college student and cannot write a coherent sentence. That's our future ladies and gentlemen lol. Welcome to the lazy generation. I feel bad for the professors in university who have to mark this shit.
Приколы
The comment section on these videos is like a men's help group, i love it.
God knows you need help, Jeb.
WhenTheLeveeBreaks70 I'm ok thanks.
Hey Jeb, you really do need us, or help group.
"They're kicking me off!" Remember that, at the fucking Rotary Club?!
YOU. NEED. US!
Jeb Bush "Please clap" ~Jeb (the guac) Bush
Jeb is a mess.
"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." - Silent Bob in Clerks
The Great Kevin Smith!!!
I freaking love that quote!!!
thats the spirit
Nothing is better then when you've realized you dodged a bullet and coulda ended up in a long term with one of those psycho girls, or married.
yeah, there is plenty of them. poor us guys
A woman tried to trap me once. Didn't know at the time, but she was putting pin holes in my condoms. The joke was on her though. Because I gave her AIDS instead of a baby :P
Dougaldinho Fishdinho I feel bad for laughing at that lol
I did dodge a big old .50 cal bullet 2 days ago. She dumped me again, saying that she cant love me the way she loved some randome dude she just met. I know its for the best, but it still hurts like a mofo
I dodged a few and caught one bullet. Now I dont know how to get out. Fuck my life
Every time Bill says "writing" is even funnier than the last one.
Was it writing or riding
Get down to the gym - Bill Burr's solution to all problems.
I should fucking give this a go.
Joe Vaughan do it man .you get into this vicious cycle of feeling good. you go to the gym, you feel good. you feel good, so you want to eat well and go to the gym.
vsha2 exactly...people underestimate just what good simple exercise does for you.
Joe Vaughan True (I was thinking that he always says that too) but he's right. It is the cure for a lot of problems, not the least of which is low self esteem.
+neogenesis All those feel-good chemicals your body makes, you feel good. People start noticing you looking good, you feel good. You meet a nice LAY-DEE at the gym, you both feel good.
+Birdperson - am in high school and a loudmouth. Can confirm, you're right.
"Massive success is the greatest revenge"- Frank Sinatra
"Easier said than done" - Reality
@@Kickex yes but keep your life clean away from drugs and alcohol and you should be saving alot of money to think about what to do with your life/start your business. Business owner is a very hard thing to do because you work more than being an employee but it's easier if you keep yourself away from vices . Those broads will see you successful later and regret it and you'll feel great.
The moment I heard "first year of college" I immediately knew where this shit was going *sign*
"All you have to do is be majoring in something witch sounds like there's some cash in the end of the rainbow, tell a couple of jokes and your'e in there"
lmaoooooooooo
Can confirm
Lol, that was me
Vex T dude me tooooo!!!
Beyond true, Say you work in IT or at some fake startup, hoes eyes open up as they smell the scent of money.
"what u gonna do" is the greatest excuse to ever be told
my favorite part of these clips is when Bill reads and rereads the emails out loud and he is still confused, trying to figure out what the hell they are trying to say.
Okay, the sweatshirt story was cringworthy, but we all have a story like that. Its amazing how much of your adult life is actually about mastering simple crap setting boundaries and spotting bull shitters.
Wow dude are you an English major? That was deep...mind if I quote it? :D
MetrazolElectricity woah, I love you
That's some fucken wisdom right there
Facts
years later his advice still holds solid, what a guy billy burgundy balls
Oh Jeeezus!
Bill breaks it down so well, it's almost impossible to deny his genius.
jesus christ i related with the last part of this broadcast. beeing yelled at in your childhood really fucks with your self esteem.
+Krestian Kvart it scares the living SHIT out of you. Especially if a person that should love you does that.
Pussies.
true it still fucks with me
The Bill Burr little laugh after certain sentences cause he knows how it sounds is priceless.
I'm 28 and I've never cheated on any of my x's . I guess that makes me not human HAHA
SoWhoaWolf me either I just break it off of I'm not feeling it. it's easier in the long run
Pussy
I've only cheated twice
@@davidpierce9949
exactly
Ive never been faithful. Luckily, I've had little trouble picking up women. But I feel like my day of devastation is coming lol. Fuck it, you only live once
It was *Wham!*, wasn't it, Bill?
That did not in the slightest sound like a Mexican. 😂😂
Some other fuucker
5:42 when you find out she said she was riding not writing the whole time
Bill we need the Monday morning podcast now more than ever! Please come back!
Chappelle said it best about loving bitches in college “Save that bitch for later”
Helped more then you know. Thanks man
4:38 ...I'm just over there "writing" ....hahaha!
I like you, Bill. So much that I can listen to you yap on for hours without me getting a word in. Keep it up, please.
This really helps me let go of what happened to me in the past, even if it’s just for 10 minutes. I’m way too bitter man
Same here man
i could listen to an hour of bill doing dangerfield, that shit cracks me up
Shes wasnt writing she was riding
the sweatshirt.... lol
He has great advice for guys. Would love to see a picture of Bill in that sweatshirt.
I feel like this is a stage every guy goes through
Here's what you do if you are the guy and she say's she has a bf. She is testing you to see how you react. You don't react. Just keep on going like you didn't hear a thing. You are a stone cold rockstar. You are solid and unbreakable. When shit hits the fan, you are cool, calm and in the driver's seat.
big true
I'm just over there WRITING!!
It's a stroke of luck that you didn't get what you wanted.
it was a bomb waiting to explode, luckily it blasted early
Bill Burr *in comic sans*
Wow, some shit exactly like this just happened to me. I feel 1000x better after getting that pep talk from the billy boy
Jews.
SHUT UP CARTMAN!
I wonder HOW THE HECK does Mia react to this. Just doing her thing when suddenly from all accross the house. ".......lllaaaaaaaaDEEEEEeee..." 10 minutes later ... "HEY, SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" If I'd do this neighbours would probably call the police.
I can only imagine her loosing her breath laughing imagining Bill yelling to an empty wall. I personally would end up scared shitless for the rest of the day.
nia*
MikeStrafaci
My bad.
+foxman105 lol just fucking around..
MikeStrafaci
You're evil.
I know how this feels. Unreal. Ive been in the exact same position
WF Buckley You can say that again
This guy sure makes you feel fucking good about yourself. I wish i had that mentality 24/7
Recognized the story from the little video tour that he did at hampton beach. He didn't mention the part where he had to get hammered before he had to wear his flamboyantly-colored sweatshirt lol
"Riding"
I am going to use all Bill's advice clips to train a gpt style neutral network. I need the Ask Bill anything app.
A ittle Rodney at the end of that one.
7:57 made me think of judd nelson from the breakfast club
Lol. Great advice
oooooohhhhhhhhh jesus..
we were "writing"
Someone on one of these threads said Bill Burr is the Oprah for men hahaha. Truer words could not have been spoken.
Key word - RIDING
Been in this exact situation... 9 months talking everyday all our of the day exchanging nudes then she mentions she has a boyfriend and has since you met and she can't take things further because that's cheating.... Umm you don't think the other shit you did counts as cheating?
No
😆 lol...this broadddd ova here
OHHHHH JEZUS DERRR
7:56 childhood upbringing +1, and Ive let woman run over me :(
She didn't drop him. College girls are never with one dude.
nah some are. you just have to have a discerning eye for the whores and the good girls
I dated a girl in college, and she was definitely faithful... but no, not all are faithful. In fact, most probably aren't.
@@anthonym.7426 and when u call them out on it....they stop giving u some
What movie/show is Billy Balls referencing when he says: "Lemme tellya it was a rough one, ya know?"
Andy Lee He's doing Rodney Dangerfield, I think
+The Secret Door I second that
If you need to use the earn in app you need to rethink your life priorities
Poor guy got friend-zoned.
Has anyone figured out the name of the band he won’t tell us? I’d like to know haha
Are you after one of their tshirts?
Happens all of the time. Genius advice Bill!
Bill failed his shit test with the pastel shirt.
did anybody find out what band it was
Sounds like dude played it to slow and didnt make a move despite her sending strong signals so she moved on to the next guy.
anyone know the name of the band?
How do I write in to participate
She probably had a boyfriend back at home away from school and after messing around with you she started feeling guilty or the boyfriend was coming to see her and that is why she did this
Writing with the opposite sex is always a good thing...sorry exes.
Gotta be the chick from Vocal Soup
brawdovahdheerrr
Never cheated,never been cheated on.From the comments it looks like I’m really lucky.
Fatherly advice, no less.
I want to know the name of the band
+dromano1977 Sick Fuckin' Puppies
I want to know the fucking name of the band
Adam Chavez
That makes at least three of us, but probably a lot more.
if you really want her tell her that you cant see her no more because she got a boyfriend. if she wants you she will leave him.
Same thing happened to me in school too. Yeah it sucked but I got over it. Yes, come to think of it, she was a psycho and I'm lucky she and I didn't get together.
Vincent Loparo III Don’t lie to yourself man....
Rubb one out
Anyone know the band?
no doubt
Fuck bro I couldve wrote this verbatim
What is the name of this band!?!!
thats what i wanna know
Sick Puppies
The Writers
Anyone who does that kind of stuff is not worthy of conversation
go to the gym....rub one out....this 2 step rule of bill burr is better than half these relationship experts
s
how can I write into this show?
His website.
nardinit
But I don't want to
Email Bill at -- bill@themmpodcast.com
Who the hell we talkin here, Courtney Love.
The fuck I do if I can't stand her because she's so sweeeeeeeet and I'm obliged se see her and talk to her bacause we are friend?
Yes she has a boyfriend, same situation
This is the third clip in a row where some college kid having girl problems wtf.
louis brains So what?
louis brains I wish I could be surprised too, but girls in their twenties, at least in the U.S., are more unpredictable than the weather. They're old enough to know how desirable they are, but not mature enough to wield that immense power responsibly. I'm glad Bill is around to help these poor guys understand that the only solution, the ONLY solution, is to be extremely comfortable with yourself, both your mind and your body. Physical training, a good diet, and a sense of humor will get you through any drama.
Five Iron Also rub one out before you make any major decisions.
Lol! That too.
MikeRoePhonicsMusic WORDS TO LIVE BY-thank you!
«Law averages».
Lol. Law of large numbers. Billy the academic strikes again.
How to recognize all red flags:
(Now you tell me how)
Johnny Me dumbass
He's a college student and cannot write a coherent sentence. That's our future ladies and gentlemen lol. Welcome to the lazy generation.
I feel bad for the professors in university who have to mark this shit.
Wow, basing our future one the writing skills of one person. Who's the intelligent person in this equation?
"Riding"