How to comfort an upset child - Dr. Dan Siegel
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2021
- As I sat down to write to you, I got a text message from a mom. “I am struggling with my daughter’s temper and even more, my own temper.”
Recently we sat down with Dr. Daniel Siegel. We asked him...
How do we help kids tune in to what they feel and RECOVER from their feelings?
If you’ve ever listened to Dan Siegel before, you know that you’re in for a treat.
In this video you’ll also hear why you DON’T want to distract your child from their feelings.
And why is it counterproductive to tell a child “It’s okay”, when to them “It’s not okay”.
Our favorite take-away was… Your child “can be in a very uncomfortable state and you can be there with it and NOT try to get rid of it.”
I’m watching this as an adult so I can try to learn how to help my inner child
This video made me cry because I never had this type of support and compassion as a child. I got some healing to do. We all do.
❤🫂💗
❤ beautiful, I think just knowing is the first step 🙏🏽
Hear him first whats troubling him... then, hug him tight very tight... and appreciate, reward and let him understand that everyone is experiencing some kind of these.. love❤️ is the best medicine... and lots of hugs🙏🙏❤️❤️
S.I.F.T. = Sensation, Image, Feeling, Thought … significant for the healthy development of children, yes. Equally important for adults whose development has been skewed by some form of adversity; healing the inner child … When I grow up, then I’m gonna really grow up
I agree with you and that we're all in the process of growing up, no matter how old we are.
I was born in '68. Children were' seen and not heard' and there was no way my Mum would ever have comforted me. My big feelings or my emotional state wasn't seen. So-called negative feelings were not allowed. So sad really, my adult life could've been so different. Most parents, teachers, etc. didn't pay much attention to feelings/emotions back then. It was all about behaviour. They didn't look at what's driving the behaviour.
Our own experiences can often be a source of inspiration to do things differently. Best of luck to you.
Damn hard to be open and able to tune in to a screaming child when you're already stressed out and never received this sort of response from your own parents.
You're right. That's a really good point. This is not easy to do if you're stressed out. And yes, most of us didn't get this kind of parenting growing up. We are reparenting ourselves, while we are parenting our kids. Not easy.
I lave this family
Since it was relatable... Was this video helpful for you?
what if nonverbal under 2 or 3, they can't say what feeling they're having should the parent offer a list of feelings?
Diana, great question. In my experience as a preschool teacher, it's been helpful to say to young ones "It looks like you're feeling sad" or "Oh you fell down that must have been scary". By the adults making guesses at the feelings it helps the kids build their emotional vocabulary.
Sir
I have a 2.5 year old son. I have sent him to a playschool last week. But still he is crying when l leave him. He is not interactive there. He simply sits on a chair and is not going to play with other children. How to change this?? Pls give me some instructions... Pls help.... 🙏
I just started working in preschool and noticed a 3yo child was not ready to play yet with others (he was content with observing first) ... and at that age - children have 'parallel play ' -- they play next to / not exactly with - each other --- In time as he reached 4yo he was ready to engage in more play with others ...
It is best to allow him to play at home in all sorts of ways (being allowed to discover & explore his environment in a safe manner) and he will eventually become comfortable doing this at school --- some (maybe 50%) children are introverts and that's normal and perfectly fine!!! and prefer alone play --- No need to worry -- all that matters is the child feels free to explore without limits/punishment (unless the exploratin is NOT safe ) ... I am not an expert on the matter - just what little I know. hope this helps!
Maybe try and help him interact or play a game with him before you leave; getting him comfortable with the kids could be helpful for him and also distracting once it works so u can slip out. Be sure to check in with the teachers or children's aids they might also notice some of his favourite games or things that work with him it really is a team effort at these places and no kid wants to be felt abandoned so help him get involved. :)
Some kids are just not ready, Aspergers children or highly sensitive children may need some more time at home.
Play him a video that role plays how to join a group - he probably needs the skills.
It's normal for a child to react to separation. If you become more distressed than him, that won't help. You need to be the "sturdy pilot". He needs permission to say what he's feeling (and if you freak out too he won't feel that). You can say something like "mommy always comes back". He views you as the regulator of his nervous system (which you are). He's wondering, how will I regulate myself on my own? This is what Dan Siegel is teaching. How to guide a child through the emotions (which is a process they will eventually internalize due to repetition with you). Another good idea might be to introduce them to a surrogate attachment figure at the playschool. Children who are clingy have been taught to fear exploration. And children who fear closeness will explore, but in a flat, insecure way. A secure attachment figure allows kids to come and go, as they need. They are like an unconscious secure base and safe haven. "Because I know you're there if I need you, I can explore freely, and return when I need to." Children, ideally, will have this type of relationship with someone who's there so they can control their "proximity" to the attachment figure. I don't have to think about you because I trust that you are there.
It doesn't work. My 3 y/o daughter cries for EVERYTHING. And if I touch her, hug her or anything like that, she pushes me away. If I speak, she screams in my face.
That's hard. Some kids are like that and it's ok, they just want to process things on their own. Kids have the ability certainly to work through their emotions on their own, as parents we only need to help when it is helpful to the child.
Very interesting to watch how the man and the woman react slightly differently. They are likely having similar reactions on the inside, but the man has more of a frown and the the woman has more of a smile. The man laughs louder at the nail joke than the woman. The woman's face is way more expressive, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's taking in more. One might argue that the man is taking in more of the content, and the woman is taking in more of the emotion. This isn't good or bad, nor is it universal, just an observation.
Interesting observations. Thanks.