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When the Enneagram 8 actually got up and ordered everyone around, I’ve actually done that before at a team meeting with my boss present. 😂😂 If you are the boss then you can be the boss but if you aren’t doing it well I can’t just sit there and let you run us into oblivion. I have to say something.
I just recently discovered ennegram types and learning about myself (type 8) has really helped my relationship significantly. It's comedic for us to see myself so accurately represented by a stranger. I think it has 100% helped him understand the way I do things.
I love honesty and authenticity and realness. I love when someone else can be strong, and not need me to be strong all the time. I need love and cuddling and smooches too, and I need to know that I can be safe and vulnerable with you and you will still stick around. I need love and hugs too, even when I act like I don't.
Omg I’m an 8 and I ended a relationship a few months back and literally these are all the things that pushed me to jump ship. 😂😂😂 I wish he could have seen this video to understand me. Lol Be straight forward, help me in practical ways, be direct, don’t use my little bit of vulnerability against me or you’ll never see it again, NEVER tell me how I SHOULD feel, and don’t love bomb me or I’ll think its manipulation. wow. 😩😂
Hi Nicole! Thanks for sharing your perspective. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out, but I hope you can find someone who can do these things for you easily and with love! ♥️
I'm a type 8 and when "Don't beat around the bush" came and you started to talk about the leafblower and the change in lighting I was like "haha yes I get it, really funny, beating around the bush on the don't beat around the bush one now get on with it for the love of god the lighting is fine" and then I realized you weren't joking and that I have a problem
Hahaha I was totally annoyed when she talked about the leaf blower and wanted her to get to the point. I’m an 8 obviously and it cracked me up how right she was.
OH MY GOODNESS! Did you actually crawl inside my brain or what?!?!?! This is so spot on. I was completely amazed that you got the exercise tip. I hadn't even realized how this is something I value so much. WOW! Great job!
An interesting observation, that type 2's, being the "ideal" partner for type 8's according to online articles and videos, do a lot of the "don't do's" mentioned in this video. I agree as an 8w9 with what has been said here. Sometimes I find type 2's as superficial with their excessive emotionality, sometimes giving promises but not living up to them, giving flattery (sometimes out of context) and I sense manipulation, being passive aggressive (as 2's cannot state their needs openly), loyalty is also important to an 8 but seeing a two trying to please everyone brings pangs to my gut. I think "if she's pleasing everyone, then I must just be as insignificant as everyone else." Just a reflection. Thanks Abbey.
You are describing an unhealthy type 2. All the unhealthy types are not that cool… Just a reflection of a 2. So if you describe all the bad things of a personality, of course they are unlikable, if you describe the good things , they are adorable… I guess the 2’s you’ve found in your life haven’t been so great to your perception which I respect.
Great video!! Also this is so cool because I’m the girl who fixed the disposal for my husband!! I posted it in the group haha. I feel so special now ;))) love your videos!
Healthy 8s are some of the greatest people you can find. I'm a 4w5 and I absolutely love their independence and authenticity, they say what they think, no mind games.
Thank you!! I've been waiting for this one. I'm pretty sure my hubby is an 8 and I'm a 4 which makes communication interesting at times. I do want to love him well and we just celebrated 30 years of wedded bliss!
For the longest I’ve had trouble trying to explain to this girl I’m talking to know and even friends and family about just being direct and also in conflict, being able to just get to the point and end the issue. Loved the video thank you
Do you have any content on 5/8 relationships? I’m a 5 and I’m married to an 8 and this video hit the nail on the head. I’ve made mistakes in all of the areas you mentioned and I had to learn the hard way. Would love to hear your thoughts on how we can best love each other and work together...
Thank you for sharing this material Abbey! My girlfriend is a self-identified Type 8, and she said this video is extremely accurate! Definitely helping me understand her better. 👍
Thank you for your videos. I’ve been watching a lot of videos and reading up on 8s a lot. My oldest son (13 years old) is an 8w9 and we butt heads A LOT. It confuses me because I have 2 siblings and a sister-in-law and friends that are 8s and I get along with them tremendously. I’m a 4w5 so we have a love of transparency and honesty in common. Any conflict I’ve ever had with the 8s in my life has been resolved very civilly and quickly with tons of mutual respect for the honesty (with a bit of emotion on my part lol). My son and I have open and honest communication about pretty much anything but I guess where the issue lies is that I’m not super confrontational and he very much is. I need time to process and examine my motives and to make sure I’m not the one being a jerk before I go into conflict resolution and he goes straight into it with guns blazing. He’s also not in charge of me and he really badly wants to be 😂. I appreciate tips on how to love him better based on his personality type and read comments from other 8s to help me understand him better. It’s a huge help!!
Oh wow, I had to save this! Half the time, I don't realize what I need from people, and this list is it! It's one thing knowing what I want, I always know what I want. However, another entirely to know what actually makes an impact.
This helps me so much with story writing, thank you! We're making a comic and our lead character is a female 8, but we want to understand her and not have a misunderstood 8 - this is just so great. I also love learning more about examples of the different enneagrams, which helps with other characters. So I have not only subscribed, which I do when I know I'll learn a lot from a channel but have pressed the bell which I basically never do. Thanks!
I'm a 3, if you can tell! I realise by having to point out I'm a 3 to nobody in particular somehow makes me more 3...yeah, this is a level of self-awareness I didn't think I'd get to.
OMG Number 2! Yes! If you need time great but tell me! Don't ignore me or force yourself into a conversation or situation you're not ready or comfortable for! Give me a deadline and I'll go away until required! Goes right along with number 6!!!
I've been excitedly awaiting this video and it did not disappoint!!!! I can tell you really did your research on this one and as an 8 I approve this message :) Thanks Abbey
Oh bless your heart Abbey. If you think that you talking about your feelings to the leaf blower was an example of how and 8 would handle that issue - 😂 I would’ve gone down there and said “listen buddy, I’m trying to get work done and you keep blowing around each window so how about you finish one area and then move on down the street? So tell me what area you’re you’re gonna start on and how long it will take and then I’ll go there - and there won’t be any overlap. sound good ? great. thanks. “
just curious, is it possible to be two different enneagram types? on the test i took i was 98% type 3 and 97% type 1. i had similar results on a different tests. i relate with both types. i’m really confused!
Hi Hope! It’s definitely possible to resonate with two types (and 3s and 1s share lots of similarities so they are a common mistyping), but at the end of the day, you can only have one core type. My advice would be to look closely at the inner motivations (fear, weakness, desire, and longing) of both types and see which of these rings truest to you. I also have some videos about typing yourself if you haven’t seen them!
*immediately sends this to my partner* As an 8, this is incredible advice and can honestly help address a LOT of issues in any relationship with us 8's! Thanks!
Don't get us wrong. There is a difference between being direct and sincere and being incomprehensible and insensitive. I wouldn't go tell someone not to do their job just because I'm filming something. It is a lack of respect. For us, respect is everything. What other people do is no less important than what we do. And one more thing, we are not so submissive. We don't want to be the core of everything.
Great video!! This helps a lot. I am a 4 and the love of my life is an 8. I love him so much (this kinda love AINT going away (fr fr)) and I want to show him how much I appreciate him!! I’ve been doing some things wrong and this video helps.
Yes my husband is type 8 and he is constantly saying how wants me to support him. And indeed loves when I help him out! (for example with the renovations in the house). The only problem with that is... I'm type 9 and apparently I do everything too slowly/dreamy and he keeps bossing me around telling me how I should do things his way because they are the right and most logic way. Result is that I seriously dislike helping him out because of that atmosphere, and his needs don't get met😕 Probably stereotypical 8 versus 9 marriage dynamics 😂
sounds like there's a communication issue there! maybe try sitting and talking about how you feel. also, a couple sessions with a marriage counselor is always helpful! they are professional communicators.
@@AbbeyHowe There is sure room for improvement but honnestly...all type 8's I know can act really bossy and dominant🤷♀️ I have that issue with my 8-sister and 8-friends too. Maybe it shows more in combination with type 9 because we are easy going and can sometimes let people walk over us. It gives space for a type 8 in unhealthy mode to kind of take advantage of that because they feel we we don't want conflicts so they can cross that line. Just my analysis, I might be wrong, but I think I'm right😄
My wonderful wife’s personality expresses as a 9 and I’m definitely a “bossy” 8 if I don’t remain mindful. @Eleonore, your comment could have been one my wife made about me before I understood the Enneagram. So, ur not alone. One of the most powerful things you can let an 8 know is that the way they are talking to you makes you feel like you don’t matter to them. Tell him how his intensity sometimes makes you feel safe and secure, but other times makes you feel vulnerable. We 8’s are all about making the vulnerable secure. It’s the reason we attempt to demonstrate we know the best way forward. It’s not to be bossy, it’s to help (us) and others feel secure and less vulnerable. With 9’s, it often has the opposite effect. I wish I had known that sooner in my marriage. As his wife, you are his everything! Be patient, but stand your ground and let him know you are with him to the end, but you need something different to feel more secure. It may frustrate him at first that he’s failing to protect you effectively. But he’ll work hard to do better for you.
@@natmilburn7131 Thank u a lot for your comment. U described it very good. It's true, when he gets so intense or angry I don't feel like and believe he cares or even loves me. (by the way as a type 9 & INFP, I can honnestly stop caring about people when having a conflict, I even nearly hate them for disturbing my peace and causing me emotional suffer). In my head loving me would mean he wants me to feel peaceful and good. Sometimes he does the whole "I'm warning u now" or if u would just listen to me blabla" which for me feels sooo bossy and kind of manipulating even. I didn't realise it can be out of the need to offer protection. I will keep your advice in mind!
Ennegram 8 female here. My story: our dishwasher started acting up. Like bits of food all over it. Watched RUclips videos on how to take it apart and cleaned it myself. Still didn't help. Turned off the circuit breaker and REALLY took it apart and cleaned it, hooked it all up and up until midnight doing this so my hardworking 7 husband wouldn't have to F with this himself. Still didn't fix it. Announced to the entire household the dishwasher murked itself and is now off limits and from now on I will be washing all dishes by hand. Hubby wanted to go buy another dishwasher but I'm like, "What? I'm not capable of washing dishes?" 😂😂
Make eye contact haha that’s a big one for me as a female 8 when in conflict with my husband or anyone who wants to debate with me, If no eye contact I really feel agitated by that almost like it’s disrespectful haha or they aren’t being genuine
Ironic how you prefixed "Don't beat around the bush" with a ramble about some lighting changes. Also, your ramble to the leaf blower person was actually not direct and to the point. 8's don't need to justify telling someone what to do through sharing their feelings about the situation.
Haha I was literally thinking this! I was like, I would’ve just said, “Hey, I had to wait for you to finish so I could film, so I’d love to arrange a set time so I can plan for when you’ll be here.” lol.
All your points were correct and I feel aggressive over the examples of what not to do. Very good video, effective. People do all these things a lot When I'm gnashing my teeth I know facts are being said I need a treadmill
I think 8’s may be the hardest to get to know, especially when female. Plus they are rare (even in males) so your sample is probably small. The one reason I didn’t at first know I fit 8 was because most describe them as refusing to display weakness or to admit wrongness. I believe women 8’s have more capability to brave this sort of thing, but only because they have discovered it’s the most efficient way to get through to another person. I hate wasting time and when I discovered apologizing for my part in something is the most efficient way to resolution, I embraced it. Plus female 8’s probably have a hard time recognizing their 8-ness because they’ve been made to feel ashamed of it most of their life. What really opened up my confidence was realizing Trump is an 8. I love Trump and know that many others do and started to recognize that ways he used his 8-ness to succeed. For instance. I will chat up strangers of all sorts and never get tired of connecting with any and every sort and very few ever intimidate me. My loved ones can find this annoying and embarrassing but I am now embracing it have decided to find it charming. :D
I essentially almost never ever ever ask for help. So, unless you offer and do it, I won't get help. And if once in a blue moon I do ask you for help, trust me, I've thought of every possible way how I could avoid doing so, and have come short, so, if you don't do it once you committed to, I'll lose both trust and respect for you.
I think it probably depends on the eight, but I've heard from eights that they don't like to be overly flattered with compliments. Direct and honest is the way to go with them!
As an 8 myself, I really dislike anything fluffy, as they come across as fake and meaningless. It'll make me question your motivation behind. Direct and genuine compliments done at the right time are great, but depending on who gave the complement, I may or may not show that I liked the compliment. And at times when I'm unhealthy, I may not know how to react and instead of innocent joy, which can be seen vulnerable, frustration could come out to mask the internal confusion. One safe way to compliment me is doing it indirectly. For example, if I built something, you can talk about the *real* positive traits of the thing I built (like how it's sturdy, etc), and definitely not how I'm so awesome to have built it.
@@AbbeyHowe I'll tell her. We watched your trend for posting how to love types and she was confused where hers was. Today is her Birthday so this might help brighten her day. Covid has bummed her out.
People say that the 5s will adore the 7s but in my case every fictional character I like is either the same type as me (5) or the 8s... hmmmmmmmmm🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Why are you calling me out like this 😕😕 I wish there were more people out there that took the time to understand what I want instead of just assuming I will fight them to death (ok I will tbh)
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Social 8w7 here and this is spot on!
When the Enneagram 8 actually got up and ordered everyone around, I’ve actually done that before at a team meeting with my boss present. 😂😂 If you are the boss then you can be the boss but if you aren’t doing it well I can’t just sit there and let you run us into oblivion. I have to say something.
I did that in a classroom full of bratty kids. The teacher wasn’t in control…So I just seized it. He wasn’t doing it well, so I had to do something
I just recently discovered ennegram types and learning about myself (type 8) has really helped my relationship significantly. It's comedic for us to see myself so accurately represented by a stranger. I think it has 100% helped him understand the way I do things.
Yay!! I’m so glad it was helpful! 🙌🏽🥰
I love honesty and authenticity and realness. I love when someone else can be strong, and not need me to be strong all the time. I need love and cuddling and smooches too, and I need to know that I can be safe and vulnerable with you and you will still stick around. I need love and hugs too, even when I act like I don't.
Omg I’m an 8 and I ended a relationship a few months back and literally these are all the things that pushed me to jump ship. 😂😂😂 I wish he could have seen this video to understand me. Lol Be straight forward, help me in practical ways, be direct, don’t use my little bit of vulnerability against me or you’ll never see it again, NEVER tell me how I SHOULD feel, and don’t love bomb me or I’ll think its manipulation. wow. 😩😂
Hi Nicole! Thanks for sharing your perspective. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out, but I hope you can find someone who can do these things for you easily and with love! ♥️
😂 So true!! Love bombs freak me out. Every time. Like what even??
I'm a type 8 and when "Don't beat around the bush" came and you started to talk about the leafblower and the change in lighting I was like "haha yes I get it, really funny, beating around the bush on the don't beat around the bush one now get on with it for the love of god the lighting is fine" and then I realized you weren't joking and that I have a problem
Hahaha I was totally annoyed when she talked about the leaf blower and wanted her to get to the point. I’m an 8 obviously and it cracked me up how right she was.
OH MY GOODNESS! Did you actually crawl inside my brain or what?!?!?! This is so spot on. I was completely amazed that you got the exercise tip. I hadn't even realized how this is something I value so much. WOW! Great job!
Wow, thank you Tracie!
An interesting observation, that type 2's, being the "ideal" partner for type 8's according to online articles and videos, do a lot of the "don't do's" mentioned in this video. I agree as an 8w9 with what has been said here. Sometimes I find type 2's as superficial with their excessive emotionality, sometimes giving promises but not living up to them, giving flattery (sometimes out of context) and I sense manipulation, being passive aggressive (as 2's cannot state their needs openly), loyalty is also important to an 8 but seeing a two trying to please everyone brings pangs to my gut. I think "if she's pleasing everyone, then I must just be as insignificant as everyone else."
Just a reflection. Thanks Abbey.
100% agree…
Omg Im a type 6 and feel the same towards this type 2 characteristic!
You are describing an unhealthy type 2. All the unhealthy types are not that cool… Just a reflection of a 2. So if you describe all the bad things of a personality, of course they are unlikable, if you describe the good things , they are adorable… I guess the 2’s you’ve found in your life haven’t been so great to your perception which I respect.
I agree, my mom is a 2 and we are always fighting because she is so weak, superficial and love to manipulate people with their drama. I'm an 8.
I'm a 2 married to an 8. Thank you Abby, this helps me to love my husband even more.
Great video!! Also this is so cool because I’m the girl who fixed the disposal for my husband!! I posted it in the group haha. I feel so special now ;))) love your videos!
That’s so awesome! Thanks for such a prime example!!! And good on you! 💪🏼
ahh no way!! hahaha, thanks for posting it in the group. it helped me understand the 8s in my life!
I love enneagram 8s! My sister in law is an 8w9 and she is one of my favorite people in this whole world.
Amazing!! 8s are the best 😍
"A+" - an Eight :D (Side note about #4: I skip pretty much all intros to RUclips videos lol)
that's hilarious!! (glad you enjoyed it!)
Same
ME TOO
8s are absolutely essential.
Healthy 8s are some of the greatest people you can find. I'm a 4w5 and I absolutely love their independence and authenticity, they say what they think, no mind games.
Thank you!! I've been waiting for this one. I'm pretty sure my hubby is an 8 and I'm a 4 which makes communication interesting at times. I do want to love him well and we just celebrated 30 years of wedded bliss!
Congratulations!! That's so great!
AW!! So glad to hear it’s going well. Same situation for me! He’s an 8, I’m a 4. Any specific advice?? :D
For the longest I’ve had trouble trying to explain to this girl I’m talking to know and even friends and family about just being direct and also in conflict, being able to just get to the point and end the issue. Loved the video thank you
Do you have any content on 5/8 relationships? I’m a 5 and I’m married to an 8 and this video hit the nail on the head. I’ve made mistakes in all of the areas you mentioned and I had to learn the hard way. Would love to hear your thoughts on how we can best love each other and work together...
Danyelle NeJame I don’t have any content like that at the moment but that may be a good series for me to start!!
Thank you for sharing this material Abbey! My girlfriend is a self-identified Type 8, and she said this video is extremely accurate! Definitely helping me understand her better. 👍
What type are you? Tell me more about yourself!
4 INFP-T in ❤️ with 8 ENTJ-A
Thank you for your videos. I’ve been watching a lot of videos and reading up on 8s a lot. My oldest son (13 years old) is an 8w9 and we butt heads A LOT. It confuses me because I have 2 siblings and a sister-in-law and friends that are 8s and I get along with them tremendously. I’m a 4w5 so we have a love of transparency and honesty in common. Any conflict I’ve ever had with the 8s in my life has been resolved very civilly and quickly with tons of mutual respect for the honesty (with a bit of emotion on my part lol). My son and I have open and honest communication about pretty much anything but I guess where the issue lies is that I’m not super confrontational and he very much is. I need time to process and examine my motives and to make sure I’m not the one being a jerk before I go into conflict resolution and he goes straight into it with guns blazing. He’s also not in charge of me and he really badly wants to be 😂. I appreciate tips on how to love him better based on his personality type and read comments from other 8s to help me understand him better. It’s a huge help!!
I fast forwarded 10 seconds when she beat around the bush explaining not to beat around the bush. Out 8 me. You can’t.
Oh wow, I had to save this! Half the time, I don't realize what I need from people, and this list is it! It's one thing knowing what I want, I always know what I want. However, another entirely to know what actually makes an impact.
This helps me so much with story writing, thank you! We're making a comic and our lead character is a female 8, but we want to understand her and not have a misunderstood 8 - this is just so great. I also love learning more about examples of the different enneagrams, which helps with other characters. So I have not only subscribed, which I do when I know I'll learn a lot from a channel but have pressed the bell which I basically never do. Thanks!
I'm a 3, if you can tell!
I realise by having to point out I'm a 3 to nobody in particular somehow makes me more 3...yeah, this is a level of self-awareness I didn't think I'd get to.
+@@aridoescomics this self-awareness is hilarious lol I'm glad you wrote this second comment.
8w9 here. Your video is spot on. I only wish there was someone who would take the trouble to do these things for me.
marisha ten I’m glad it resonated with you!! And don’t worry, you’ll find someone who will love you the way you deserve!
@@AbbeyHowe Thank you for the good vibes! You are a very kind and positive person 💜
OMG Number 2! Yes! If you need time great but tell me! Don't ignore me or force yourself into a conversation or situation you're not ready or comfortable for! Give me a deadline and I'll go away until required! Goes right along with number 6!!!
Thanks for this, Abbey! I have been waiting for this one and it definitely describes my hubby and what makes him happy. 8s are awesome!
8s ARE awesome!
I've been excitedly awaiting this video and it did not disappoint!!!! I can tell you really did your research on this one and as an 8 I approve this message :) Thanks Abbey
This is the best kind of feedback to get- especially from an 8 herself! Glad the video represented you well. 😊
You are doing an amazing job with these videos! A lot of effort as you blend detail and comedy of each type. Keep at it!
Oh bless your heart Abbey. If you think that you talking about your feelings to the leaf blower was an example of how and 8 would handle that issue - 😂
I would’ve gone down there and said “listen buddy, I’m trying to get work done and you keep blowing around each window so how about you finish one area and then move on down the street? So tell me what area you’re you’re gonna start on and how long it will take and then I’ll go there - and there won’t be any overlap. sound good ? great. thanks. “
Hi Abbey, Can you make one on how to be a parent of an eight (especially a teenage 8!)
just curious, is it possible to be two different enneagram types? on the test i took i was 98% type 3 and 97% type 1. i had similar results on a different tests. i relate with both types. i’m really confused!
Hi Hope! It’s definitely possible to resonate with two types (and 3s and 1s share lots of similarities so they are a common mistyping), but at the end of the day, you can only have one core type. My advice would be to look closely at the inner motivations (fear, weakness, desire, and longing) of both types and see which of these rings truest to you. I also have some videos about typing yourself if you haven’t seen them!
Abbey Howe thank you!
Hope Hayley you’re welcome!!
*immediately sends this to my partner*
As an 8, this is incredible advice and can honestly help address a LOT of issues in any relationship with us 8's!
Thanks!
Don't get us wrong. There is a difference between being direct and sincere and being incomprehensible and insensitive. I wouldn't go tell someone not to do their job just because I'm filming something. It is a lack of respect. For us, respect is everything. What other people do is no less important than what we do. And one more thing, we are not so submissive. We don't want to be the core of everything.
this made me want to cry. If ANY of my former partners treated me like this, I would not have felt so totally TORTURED by others.
OMG, these were so true for me. Thanks!
You're so welcome!
Great video!! This helps a lot. I am a 4 and the love of my life is an 8. I love him so much (this kinda love AINT going away (fr fr)) and I want to show him how much I appreciate him!!
I’ve been doing some things wrong and this video helps.
Lol. Gotta love those leaf blowers when you’re trying to record. Audio is always something.
My dh is an 8 so I’ve been waiting for this one!
hurray! hope it helped!
This really helped me understand my husband
I'm at 7 so it's difficult to understand their actions if they aren't drawn out.. thank you
Thank you for making this kind of videos!❤❤
What’s the enneagram 8 Facebook group she mentioned at the beginning?
Great information! Thank you for sharing!
SPOT ON!!!
Is that an old typewriter in the background? So 😎!
Alan Novak why yes it is! 🥰🥰
Yes my husband is type 8 and he is constantly saying how wants me to support him. And indeed loves when I help him out! (for example with the renovations in the house). The only problem with that is... I'm type 9 and apparently I do everything too slowly/dreamy and he keeps bossing me around telling me how I should do things his way because they are the right and most logic way. Result is that I seriously dislike helping him out because of that atmosphere, and his needs don't get met😕 Probably stereotypical 8 versus 9 marriage dynamics 😂
sounds like there's a communication issue there! maybe try sitting and talking about how you feel. also, a couple sessions with a marriage counselor is always helpful! they are professional communicators.
@@AbbeyHowe There is sure room for improvement but honnestly...all type 8's I know can act really bossy and dominant🤷♀️ I have that issue with my 8-sister and 8-friends too. Maybe it shows more in combination with type 9 because we are easy going and can sometimes let people walk over us. It gives space for a type 8 in unhealthy mode to kind of take advantage of that because they feel we we don't want conflicts so they can cross that line. Just my analysis, I might be wrong, but I think I'm right😄
I'm a 9 married to an 8. I wonder if that combo happens a lot, because we need their energy and they need our calm.
My wonderful wife’s personality expresses as a 9 and I’m definitely a “bossy” 8 if I don’t remain mindful. @Eleonore, your comment could have been one my wife made about me before I understood the Enneagram. So, ur not alone. One of the most powerful things you can let an 8 know is that the way they are talking to you makes you feel like you don’t matter to them. Tell him how his intensity sometimes makes you feel safe and secure, but other times makes you feel vulnerable. We 8’s are all about making the vulnerable secure. It’s the reason we attempt to demonstrate we know the best way forward. It’s not to be bossy, it’s to help (us) and others feel secure and less vulnerable. With 9’s, it often has the opposite effect. I wish I had known that sooner in my marriage. As his wife, you are his everything! Be patient, but stand your ground and let him know you are with him to the end, but you need something different to feel more secure. It may frustrate him at first that he’s failing to protect you effectively. But he’ll work hard to do better for you.
@@natmilburn7131 Thank u a lot for your comment. U described it very good. It's true, when he gets so intense or angry I don't feel like and believe he cares or even loves me. (by the way as a type 9 & INFP, I can honnestly stop caring about people when having a conflict, I even nearly hate them for disturbing my peace and causing me emotional suffer). In my head loving me would mean he wants me to feel peaceful and good. Sometimes he does the whole "I'm warning u now" or if u would just listen to me blabla" which for me feels sooo bossy and kind of manipulating even. I didn't realise it can be out of the need to offer protection. I will keep your advice in mind!
Ennegram 8 female here. My story: our dishwasher started acting up. Like bits of food all over it. Watched RUclips videos on how to take it apart and cleaned it myself. Still didn't help. Turned off the circuit breaker and REALLY took it apart and cleaned it, hooked it all up and up until midnight doing this so my hardworking 7 husband wouldn't have to F with this himself. Still didn't fix it. Announced to the entire household the dishwasher murked itself and is now off limits and from now on I will be washing all dishes by hand. Hubby wanted to go buy another dishwasher but I'm like, "What? I'm not capable of washing dishes?" 😂😂
great story! (and I hope you're able to get it fixed eventually!)
Finally here, Thanks Abbey!
Ethan Venzin you’re welcome!!
Wow I can’t believe how on point you are with all of this! You’ve just earned yourself a new subscriber! Good work and thank you!
Thanks and welcome David!
Make eye contact haha that’s a big one for me as a female 8 when in conflict with my husband or anyone who wants to debate with me, If no eye contact I really feel agitated by that almost like it’s disrespectful haha or they aren’t being genuine
Great Video
THIS IS FREAKIMG TRUE!!!!!!!!!!😂
Ironic how you prefixed "Don't beat around the bush" with a ramble about some lighting changes. Also, your ramble to the leaf blower person was actually not direct and to the point. 8's don't need to justify telling someone what to do through sharing their feelings about the situation.
Haha I was literally thinking this! I was like, I would’ve just said, “Hey, I had to wait for you to finish so I could film, so I’d love to arrange a set time so I can plan for when you’ll be here.” lol.
lol! all I need you to do, is do what you said you would do! that's it
This is soooo accurate
All your points were correct and I feel aggressive over the examples of what not to do. Very good video, effective. People do all these things a lot
When I'm gnashing my teeth I know facts are being said
I need a treadmill
I think 8’s may be the hardest to get to know, especially when female. Plus they are rare (even in males) so your sample is probably small. The one reason I didn’t at first know I fit 8 was because most describe them as refusing to display weakness or to admit wrongness. I believe women 8’s have more capability to brave this sort of thing, but only because they have discovered it’s the most efficient way to get through to another person. I hate wasting time and when I discovered apologizing for my part in something is the most efficient way to resolution, I embraced it. Plus female 8’s probably have a hard time recognizing their 8-ness because they’ve been made to feel ashamed of it most of their life. What really opened up my confidence was realizing Trump is an 8. I love Trump and know that many others do and started to recognize that ways he used his 8-ness to succeed. For instance. I will chat up strangers of all sorts and never get tired of connecting with any and every sort and very few ever intimidate me. My loved ones can find this annoying and embarrassing but I am now embracing it have decided to find it charming. :D
OMG #5 - i have totally been this 8.
progress not perfection, right Audrey?
hahaha my boss used to call me the boss at meetings 🤣
Ooh I love your nails!!
Thanks Ann! Been painting them myself lately! 😍🤣
Abbey Howe haha well, you’re doin’ good!! They look great!
Why are you sitting on the floor? - Enneagram 8
Hey Abbey, which enneagram type are you? I don't think you shared it with your audience!
I’m a 3w4! 🥰
I essentially almost never ever ever ask for help. So, unless you offer and do it, I won't get help. And if once in a blue moon I do ask you for help, trust me, I've thought of every possible way how I could avoid doing so, and have come short, so, if you don't do it once you committed to, I'll lose both trust and respect for you.
This is amazing! I’m an 8. 100% true. Also are you gonna do a video like this for type nine
#4 Is a big one for us 8. 🙃
Me, an 8: "Yes"
Thank you. Can you tell me more about the compliments part? I think I have an 8 who hates compliments but it ok with thank you.
I think it probably depends on the eight, but I've heard from eights that they don't like to be overly flattered with compliments. Direct and honest is the way to go with them!
As an 8 myself, I really dislike anything fluffy, as they come across as fake and meaningless. It'll make me question your motivation behind. Direct and genuine compliments done at the right time are great, but depending on who gave the complement, I may or may not show that I liked the compliment. And at times when I'm unhealthy, I may not know how to react and instead of innocent joy, which can be seen vulnerable, frustration could come out to mask the internal confusion. One safe way to compliment me is doing it indirectly. For example, if I built something, you can talk about the *real* positive traits of the thing I built (like how it's sturdy, etc), and definitely not how I'm so awesome to have built it.
@@user-vy8ip9tv7w Thank you. That is helpful.
Ok,, so type 9s already feel like they don't matter,, but to have "how to love" every type except a nine is pretty discouraging. I'm a 5 btdubs.
Of course they matter! That video is scheduled for September 28th!!!!
@@AbbeyHowe I'll tell her. We watched your trend for posting how to love types and she was confused where hers was. Today is her Birthday so this might help brighten her day. Covid has bummed her out.
Um, from an 8, you hit the target.
A lot of these are really bad advice. To love an 8, nurture their feeling and soft side to get them into their 2. From there it becomes easy.
Ahhhh next one will be 9!
I am 8 but I have 2 and 5 😅
bvsriver Excellent about number 8 which I am so blessed to be.I love your videos 🙋🌹
People say that the 5s will adore the 7s but in my case every fictional character I like is either the same type as me (5) or the 8s... hmmmmmmmmm🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
hmmmmmm 🤔
8s like you guys too;)
No need to explain the lighting.. Continue on.. :)
tell me you're an 8 without saying you're an 8!
Why are you calling me out like this 😕😕 I wish there were more people out there that took the time to understand what I want instead of just assuming I will fight them to death (ok I will tbh)