I got recently on a “no contact” relationship with my undiagnosed BPD mom after an episode in which she called me one morning to ask me why I don’t call her as often. Why can’t I be like the doughter of neighbour x or y? For the first time, 4 years in therapy and 2 years in a healthy respectful relationship, I could see what she was doing to me - you are not enough of a doughter, my needs should be your priority. I would end the conversation and she would call me later as if nothing happened. We left it to the point where after a number of accusations (ideas in her head) that I had no idea existed she was asking me how can I be such a monster. That’s the last thing I heard from her and no contact will be my way forward. I owe it to myself, my partner, my future children. Thank you Dr Kim. I ve been binge watching all your videos in this time. Helps a lot to ease the guilt I wake up with every morning and the worry that she will do something bad/stupid. You are a gift to this world! 💜
Your mom sounds a lot like mine. I found out from my mother-in-law that my mom blames me for her life not turning out well. She didn't have to have me. My mom had blamed me for things in the past but not to that degree. A day later she launched a full scale emotional attack, both on me and my-mother-in-law, that lasted a week. That's when I stopped speaking to her except to arrange for movers to collect my things.
Congrats on your breakthrough! I'm BPD, trying "no contact" with mom who may be BPD or NPD. Not saying I'll never speak to her again, but I sure am feeling more confident ever since - we're both in therapy. Hurray! Examples of things she did... let's see Telling my friend to convince me to have plastic surgery I don't want or need. Asking my therapist about my private life. It's not so bad, is it? I think my dad may be BPD too O.o
I could have written this word for word. I’ve been no contact for going on 6 years, with the exception of a brief reconciliation that was obviously a huge mistake. I ultimately realized things would never change and went no contact so that I could be a better mother to my kids.. My mother compromised my mental health and my kids deserve better, so as much as it breaks my heart that things have come to this, I know there is no other way. Unfortunately this means no contact with my dad as well, who after so many decades of doing any and everything possible in a futile attempt to keep her happy, has almost become just as out of touch with reality as she is. He was a huge enabler and he refused to force her to get help. So...no contact with my mom, my dad AND my brother too bc unfortunately he was a little more vulnerable than me emotionally and they took advantage of this and now it’s like a sick co-dependent threesome. But I am free! And I have an AMAZING relationship with my kids and they know they have my unconditional love and support forever. My parents’ love was always conditional. And I never met their conditions. It’s a no-won situation, especially if the person in question isn’t diagnosed and refuses to accept responsibility. Good luck with your no contact!
@@mariahlilienthal5359 no offence but how would your mother in law know anything about how your mother felt or what she thought during the years of your upbringing??? I think it's actually a normal human response to have someone that only knows her through you, to say such nasty things to a person's child about them. Your mother in law is way out of line and should not be speaking as though she knows your mother's feelings and thoughts. Your mother being upset about that is a normal human reaction to such a crossing of boundaries. Your mother in law is causing rifts and division. Though, you should also be adult enough to realise that your mother in law does not have those kind of psychic abilities to speak on your mother's thoughts and feelings like that.
My mom may have had BPD…She’d be super kind and giving one day, and yelling, complaining and threatening to take away whatever she bought me the next! I swear she got off on making me upset, swearing she’d take away XYZ. I got so tired of the same fight, that I finally just started saying “okay, whatever…”, which pissed her off, so she stopped threatening me…
"I never said that," or "I don't remember saying that," or "You must have misunderstood." In the "New Age," community, when all other arguments and justifications fail, it's "You chose it." The perfect, catch-all, abdication of responsibility for absolutely anything and everything!
My mother has BPD, she’s stalking me for over a year now and has started pretending to be me, messaging people, asking them for sex and sending them sexually explicit pictures of me. The police are now involved. I don’t like BPD. No compassion here.
They don't really have a good sense of self so they will imitate and become other people so that they fit in and not get rejected. They do this because of their fear of rejection and abandonment.
I am in shock watching this. You have described my childhood in one video. I am 43, no children by choice and this is my relationship with my mom. I have known for years our relationship is unhealthy and now I know it has a name and I have no words. Thank you for creating this. I have felt so alone in this but now I understand it has a name and I can seek healing.
Watching this as a newly mom of 2 with BPD… I am in treatment and am actively trying to make sure nothing gets dumped on my children. Thank you for this perspective.
I was diagnosed with bpd and raised by a father with untreated bpd and narcissistic tendencies and I'm so so glad you made this video. It's so important to educate about this topic specifically. I'm trying hard to break the generational pattern. I've been through years of treatment and still because of my upbringing and diagnosis greatly fear having children. Having been left with an additional ptsd diagnosis and loads of baggage I genuinely don't want any child to go through that. Bpd abuse is 1000% real and extremely damaging.I just want to validate anyone out there who may need to hear that. You are not crazy
❤❤❤ I used to be biased about BPD because of my trauma, but I have so much respect for anyone who is trying to break cycles like yourself ❤❤❤ I hope it’s going well ❤
🤣 It's not like she's a substance abuser, raging alcoholic or abusive in any way. 🙄Ppl who have BPD need unstanding and compassion especially from close family members. Distancing yourself from her is only gonna make symptoms worse.
@@80sCrazyCatDadNGunAddiction You're as horrible as she is if you think BPD people aren't abusive. It takes a pretty low individual to troll people in the comments of a support video like this. Go bother someone else.
So spot on!!! I'm 42 and for my whole life I've been the target of my BPD mom. I always knew something was off with her but just thought she was crazy and very religious. After seeing her pattern and researching the past few years I now k low she has this. It makes so much sense, but at 70 she is in denial and will never be fixed. Alwaysss the victim. Anything can set her off to where she is screaming stop attacking me. When I was just talking a normal voice telling her about something nuetral. I have 3 daughters and find sometimes I had lashed out or lost it on them. Mostly the oldest. I now an trying to fix myself and have awareness to break the cycle. Self accountability and assessment is a major positive component in fixing things and I don't deny that I have may acted out irrationally in the past. How can I fix with my daughter 7 some of the pain she may have already experienced, so she may heal and grow up to be stronger and happy now that I am aware of my upbringing and I am proactive to stopping this madness.:)
Are borderlines sadistic. Trying to figure out my mother. She was, she loved to see me go from happy to crushed. By her. Favorite saying was "are you finished yet?" if I cried.
I'm pregnant with both of our first child. My mom and my boyfriend's mom are both undiagnosed BPD. It's such a struggle understanding that it isn't very healthy to have them be a major part of our lives but also not wanting to keep our kid from knowing their grandmothers.
I’ve been struggling finding a therapist to help me with cptsd I developed growing up with my BPD addict mom. I have chronic pain and insomnia. Videos on this channel have given me lots of support. It’s been hard finding the help I need as I am sure it is for most of us coming out of the cptsd fog. Grateful for this channel and looking forward to seeing more about the course.
Thank you so much for sharing Karen. I am so sorry you are struggling -and I so understand the pain and fogginess of CPTSD. Sending you support and strength --and good luck wishes in finding a helpful therapist--- and in healing your life:)🙏
Hello, I saw your comment and I can related to having trouble finding a professional who is trained and experienced in working through these issues with clients. After many attempts, I finally realized the best help was in good recovery groups. Is there an Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families group near you?
Dr Kim- you mentioned if your videos helped even one person it would be worth it. Your videos help more than one person- that's for sure. But I wanted to say thank you and let you know that your content has helped me make PROFOUND shifts and changes in my understanding of my parents, the dynamic of my child/adulthood, and why I'm wired certain ways. You so accurately describe my situation over and over. Coming across your channel was the first time I truly felt validated, understood and aware. Through that recognition, I was able to set firm boundaries in place. I am a more aware mom, wife and human largely in part from you identifying and educating those of us impacted by this complex topic. You are such a comforting presence. The fact that you're articulate, calm, knowledgeable and compassionate gives me a sense of confidence that we can all be a positive presence in this world, regardless of the framework we had in our families. Your videos feel like a cozy sweater and a cup of tea and a visit with someone I WISH I had in my life growing up. Sending you a tremendous amount of gratitude for providing this community.
Thank you so much for your beyond kind words, and support here. I truly mean it when I say it fills my heart with joy and comforts me in my own story to know that what I share here helps in some way. I wish I had heard what I have learned (both the hard way and clinically) too! Love to pay it forward:). I love hearing how you found a way to love yourself even more by setting healthy boundaries, and by shifting and becoming more aware in all the roles in your life. I love the idea of being like a cozy sweater and tea here too - that sounds so lovely and perfect! Warm wishes for continued healing on your journey!!🙏
Thank you so much! I would love to find a way to make this format work too - I don't know if everyone feels the same but it's such an easy place for me to chat!:). Thank you again for being here!
My God! The accuracy of the things you say is as if you have been in my life in my thoughts and feelings forever. This has been my experience/relationship my whole life. I feel so appreciative of your videos. Your help. Your acknowledgment/validation. I am in gratitude 🙏🏻😘
06:10 I love you so much Dr kim!! I want to say that you are one in a million. your videos are soo helpful , when i was searching about bpd i couldnt find any proper youtube video but your videos are amazing its so hard to find any resoruces about bpd parents even some psychologists just dont know the importance of it. Like you said its like a religion i keep searching and trying to heal. You cant imagine how helpful your videos are just wanted to say thank you so much your work is helping people from everywhere im just 18 and from Turkey , your work is helping a person from different side of the world . i love your content so much and i am so excited about your upcoming courses... ❤️
Wow! Thank you so much! I so appreciate you and my heart is truly warmed knowing that what I am doing here is helpful in some way! I wish you so much healing and support in your journey and I hope you know that you are worthy of being healed and whole:). Please take very good care today!🙏
Thank you so much Dr. Kim for another great informative video. I’ve been wondering every now and then for most of my adult life whether my mom has untreated BPD rather than just high narcissistic traits, but it’s been a difficult thing to ask myself because I was treated for borderline symptoms in my late teens... and I don’t want to have (or have had) anything in common with my mom, especially not the things about her that hurt me the most as a kid. But I’m coming to terms with the fact that regardless of what a professional would’ve said about my mom if she had ever gotten help, the main difference is still that I did get help, since I always wanted to be healthier and knew that it’s wrong to take your moods out on other people, no matter what you’re going through. As always I love the way you explain things and the respectful balance you keep between addressing the hurt that untreated behaviour where there’s no accountability from the parent/s can result in for the children, and the compassion for what a struggle something like BPD really can be for people who desperately want and seek help. Childhood trauma is such a difficult topic, but you make it feel safe to listen to when you talk about these things, and I can’t say enough how appreciated it is. 🤍
Thank you so much for sharing, and I could not agree with you more. What makes such a difference is an acknowledgment of our difficulty, and our focus on healing it. I am so proud of you for doing the work --and you are not your mom. It's so important to keep our own separate selves and worth in mind-- and because I think childhood trauma is shrouded in shame for so many of us, the more we all talk and heal, the more we know we aren't alone and that true change is possible. So, thank you again for sharing - you never know who will see themselves in your story too:) Hope you have a lovely day!
I became avoidant in my relationship/marriage with my now ex wife that is clearly undiagnosed BPD. Just about to enter a horrible custody / school choice dispute for our 4 and 2 year old. I can't believe I was duped for 12 years about who she really was. I missed all of the red flags or fobbed them off as nothing. I knew nothing about personality disorders and wish I never had to research this topic.
You will eventually get through this and be okay. I went through a very similar situation many years ago. Yes, it was a complete nightmare, but going through such a horrible time made me a much stronger and wiser person. The best thing you can do is to make sure you provide a safe, calm, loving environment when your children are with you and most importantly, ask God for his help every minute of every day.
I pray for the sake of your children that you got full custody or that they at least made her get treatment. It seems the justice system has some courts finally realizing that the mother isn’t always the best option. My dad fought like hell to just to stay in my life taking my mom to court in the 90s.
@@M.j.7 all I can say is thank god for hair strand tests for alcohol. I ended up with majority care and the kids go to school near me. We settled out of court before our final hearing
Omg! I am so happy I found you. I am 61 years old and I am so unsure of what is what for me. I'm running in circles trying to figure out what is wrong. What brought me to awareness at such a late time was trying to deal with a sibling. I don't know what is what for sure. I'm digging. I lived with crazy in a mild way all my life. Conditioned to play my role and now I am no longer willing to play it, therefor I have been tossed into the trash over something so trivial it makes my head spin. Haven't talked to this sibling in 3 years now. I just don't know what the problem really is. Our mother and father have passed now, but our mother was a sufferer of Bipolar, so there was trauma for all of us. It was back in the 60's and 70's, so who really knows what it was. I am searching madly to figure it out, but it is taking a toll on me. It is very difficult to figure this stuff out at such at late time in life. I was aware early on that things were crazy, but I had my own family to take care of, so I just moved through the best that I could. I want to heal, from whatever it is. Happy I found you, I will continue to pay attention and see if I can learn more. Thank you!
Thank you for another amazing video Dr Sage! So much goodness to unpack in this one, as always. I appreciate you and your work so much. Have a great week! 💐
Thank you Kim...rhis spt on...my mother had BPD/ NPD and my siblings are on the same path. .I had to walk away move to another county and go no contact with them all 4 years ago..forgotten wellness has returned and I love to bake also. .my kitchen is my sanctuary and with the same premenstrual years I have gained weight but most importantly gained back my peace and sanity. .I'll take the latter anytime..☺Happy Baking and healing to you..much love & blessings..💜
I got divorced and the part where you described an “avoidant partner”. Sounded a lot like my relationship. I’m glad I left and am working on healing myself.
Great video Dr. Kim. I love how you incorporate your interest in baking into your shows 😃 You’re doing an amazing job, and I appreciate the insight into all of this 🙏🏼
OH no......please don't do other things like cookie icing. 🙂 Humans are NOT able to multi-task. And I really need you to concentrate. 🙂 Every word that you say is pure gold to me. I am 54 and only NOW.....through YOUR videos......understanding what was wrong with my dad.....who died 5 months ago. My mum and i suffered so much......and never knew what this was.......that this thing REALLY had a name. Thank you so so so so much for your videos. They TOTALLY changed my life........and how I will be living and feeling from now on. FREED!!!! P.S. About 2 years ago I stumbled upon the concept of narcism ........but there were too many things that did NOT match.....while others did. THEN.....about 2 weeks after my dad died......I found your videos.....and 10000 light bulbs went off in my head. Had I known this earlier......I would have been able to navigate better........at least during the last years. On a side note: THANK GOD I had the best mum in the world....that loved me as much as a human being can love......and that saved me from being a total mess I guess. But still......NOW I understand the self esteem issues that have been plagueing me and limiting me for my whole life. I also have the best husband in the world who thinks that I am perfect and smart and wonderful and unique......for the last 26 years now. So in the end I really lucked out anyway.
Dang. I edit videos for courses (not on this account) and wish I had seen this sooner because I think the courses are out now. I think editing them would have brought me a lot of healing too
I have bipolar so does my mum and nana I didn't realise this till seven years ago listening now I understand my behaviour and thought process and my daughter chooses not to have children because it's probably likely she could pass the gene on to her child although she doesn't have bipolar herself she's a hard working person who is well respected and loved so I'm pleased it missed a generation
I SO SEE how the lines between ASD and BPD can really become blurred if the clinician isn’t adept at honing in on the fine details. Then again, you’ve stated there can be comorbidity with ASD and BPD.
Lol , This is a A Very cute video, Thank you , Thank you for the information and helping me learn , It has been a vey long struggle understanding the whole situation and keeping the responses reasonable and reactions to a minimum, Again thank you, long time following finally subscribed , you’re an Amazing Lady :)
Dr, thank you so much for sharing the information and it would be highly appreciated if you could get straight to the point. Half of this video, right up to minute 7, had nothing to do with teaching us about BPD. I eventually gave up right as you start talking about it since it's so long. Apologies for being so direct, but I know a lot of people would appreciate direct information from the bat. Thank you
I enjoy the other personal positive or in the moment things in her videos, because the topic can be triggering. For me, drawing and art were my escape / meditation, so her explaining about cooking and baking and feeling at home in the kitchen does relate to the topic.
Would someone with BPD or NPD ever say, with genuine remorse, “I did ____ to protect you from ____. I just never considered you may need protection from me. I can never forgive myself for the pain I caused you.”
Thank you Bill! And yes I have been this week - it brings me so much peace to be there:). Can't wait to share my courses and more videos- so appreciate your time and thoughtful replies!!🙏
Literally explained my mom with bpd with abandonment/attachment issues and my dad who’s is covert narcissist with avoidant personality when it comes to my mom. Then they both use emotional guilt and blackmail on me to emotionally support them or take sides. I’m 37 and I’m still dealing with it. Unfortunately they are very loving and caring in ways that benefits me but I know they do it from their own sense of ego first. It just makes it all near impossible. I don’t have the ability in me to go no contact. The level of anxiety and fear I have of their well being drives into incredible depression and the fear of regret, what if I leave and my moms only source of happiness is gone and she commits suicide, because she’s legitimately attempted 3 times in my life. Once as a 10 year old, a 15 year old and as a 19 year old. And not for attention either. Like if someone didn’t happen upon her at that time she would be dead. No suicide note, no warnings… usually at her more seemingly happier times, but a lot of times her happier times is when she’s manic. My dad is a massive trigger. He’s uses major gaslighting, does a bunch of stuff to intentionally drive her mad then feigns ignorance or innocence in his motives. It’s beyond frustrating and I’ve become so codependent on them. I just don’t know how to undo what’s been done and I’m kind of stuck now. I just absolutely love my mom and dad though and I just don’t know what to do.
Thank you for sharing here, I am so truly sorry that you've been dealt a hand with your parents that is just beyond painful and difficult. It really is such complicated love - and I am sending support and healing love your way today. Please know you are worthy of healing and that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Therapy can be incredibly helpful if possible.
So my mom was complaining to me the other day how her boss at work will never be successful in the long run because all she does is scream hurtful words to her subordinates at work, she said that her boss yell’s hurtful things to her people whenever she’s in a lot of pressure. And i told her at that moment, “maybe she doesn’t have an outlet?”, i was really insinuating at that moment that her, my mother, has an outlet which is me and my siblings. Whenever things get hard for her at work, she turns into this monster that couldn’t care about anyones feelings inside the house(all while being and angel towards her subordinates by the way), in my mind i always repeat at that moment, “its okay its just stressful at work, when she gets the money and commissions, then maybe she’ll become nicer”. I tried pointing it out once, how she is extra mean whenever she wants to and she usually implies that im delusional. Her excuse for all of this and her scapegoat is God and the bible, she knows i cant argue about that because i will go to hell, i feel like im living with a mother gothel. Everyday of my life im just surviving, im not living a single moment in here, i see my friends thrice a year and she doesn’t want me to go out because, “we don’t have any money”. I want to make personal relationships with other people but my mother is always in the back of my mind telling me what to do. I want to get out of here.
Hello, I saw your comment and your description reminds me of some experiences I had while surviving in a family with a very broken mother who was never diagnosed with BPD, even though she sought help. When my parents were fighting or my mom was angry, I felt this intense oppression and confinement that has led me to have trust issues and an unhealthy independence. I wish I could talk to you personally and tell you that you’re going to make it through this! When you can start your own life, please do yourself a big favor and join 12-step recovery groups that pertain to adult children of dysfunctional homes. You are going to need the help and encouragement of other people who are further along the healing journey. If you haven’t learned about limerence, at some point you should research this because you may have a tendency to seek out escapism through the idolizing of celebrities or crushes. And my personal advice to you is that you delay marriage and family until you’ve had a good amount of time to heal and separate emotionally from your family. Jumping into a marriage will most likely recreate the very patterns you’re trying to escape now. Remember you can have a beautiful life of your own! God bless you!
Ex-partner was undiagnosed BPD traits at least, I believe that she probably has a full blown disorder. I have experienced extreme parental alienation (PA), it is very common for BPD people to engage in PA, I have not seen my daughter for over a year. PA is a horrible form of child abuse, usually committed by BPD or NPD people. BPD people definitely suffer a lot, but they also leave a trail of emotional destruction for all who come into their orbit. If you think you might suffer from BPD, please please please get professional help, if not for your own sake, then do it for the sake of those who love you.
Does the BPD parent make the expectation known that the child must be the caretaker, or due to the parent’s behavior does the child, being a child, place that burden upon him/herself?
This is my issue, i am a single mom of 6, not my choice, i begged their bpd dad to share custody with me. He refused. He quit his job because he didnt want to pay child support, i didnt want to put him on child support anyway. But i have to ask for help, i want to have free time. Hes at my house more often than his home, but even when hes here he doesnt do anything with his kids. Idk im just at a loss. Do i continue this or put him on child support.
Felt that.😂 Lucky if you CAN get em diagnosed 🍀though it’s not like you can force someone into treatment It’s such a minuscule point that your almost backtracking, but your right. but yknow, it is quite relieving to at least find out (or come to understand ) that your parent is borderline, that you aren’t crazy. AND we have community comment sections :3 (Sorry if I’m stigmatizing I’m not talking about the people suffering from borderline IN treatment;) Like Seriously kudos to you 💪🏻 My experience with a borderline is that they don’t want treatment. I sound very fed up. with a delicate diagnosis that we as the family members aren’t allowed to diagnose, rather, “Borderline” labels just a mutual understanding. (Though the borderlines free to make crazy accusations about others as they please 🙄) I think there’s a lot of confusion about the diagnosis , It needs to be diagnosed but I think it is both mis and under diagnosed. There isn’t enough help and recourses. It’s probably why the majority don’t get diagnosed and or get help and or get fixed. It sucks when it’s misdiagnosed, too. Narcissists would also like to convince you your a crazy witch, and like, that’s scary too you wouldn’t want a diagnosis? (Sucks that BPDs attracted to them, the chances of getting them help plummets 🤢 down the rabbit hole we gooo) -----------------------
Do you know any professional, or yourself, who would help victims of abuse which includes minor abused children?? Let me know. P.S. This case involves an actual narcissistic sociopath parent who is on going severely abusive, children, and the non abusive abuse by proxy victim on going. Desperately need assistance.
Wow you all make it sound like anyone with BPD shouldn't be a parent?? I'm a 27yo single mum with BPD amongst other mental health conditions and I have a 7 year old daughter. Yes I struggle with my mental health and have done since before I had my daughter, there have been times when I wish I hadn't been so upset, angry or in my head while she was around but all I have ever done is my best for her, to be there for her, care for her, give her the best and love her with all my heart, she gets put above everything including myself. I don't think its fair to go on like most children with BPD parents have been traumatised and scarred for life from being around them and unless you actually suffer with BPD and see it through the eyes of someone with that condition you can't judge how difficult it can make your life.
that’s what my mom claims she did my whole life and made it look that way to other people, but the truth was this video. you just can’t speak for your child’s experience when you’re someone with bpd.
especially when you say yourself, there have been times where you seemingly split (wish i hadn’t been so upset, angry, in my head when she’s around but) LOL
@@Wildf1r33 right well its great you obviously have no mental health issues or raise a child whilst dealing with them. What about people, like me, who's mum also struggled with these mental health issues?? Iv been the child with that parent growing up and iv grown up to be a parent with similar mental health and try to do different and all I can for my daughter. Mental health or not, every parent and even every person gets upset, angry or lost in their own thoughts when things get stressful sometimes. It doesn't mean they are always splitting or doing it because of their mental health, they are just normal human emotions that come with dealing with the stresses of life and being an adult. Just because that was your mum and life experiences doesn't mean it applies to every child with parents who have mental health, you can't tar everyone with the same brush just because there's one similarity (bpd parents) and if you do personally I think thats quite close minded. I also think its childish to try and answer my comment with a comment I made and put LOL considering the conversation is about mental health and children, don't find the subject amusing myself. Clearly some people still have a lot to learn about the world and the people in it.
@@kayleighdavis1482 you’re missing the point. Having emotional reactions and attachment wounds with BPD is the not the same thing as securely attaching to your children and occasionally getting mad at them. If you really think it is the same then you need more treatment. The fact that you are also assuming the splitting doesn’t harm your children, you can’t even see them as being separate or having their own needs or reactions so you lack empathy. I don’t think people like you should have kids either.
Those of us who had a parent with BPD were constantly required to consider how hard life was for their parents. “You have no idea how hard my childhood was. Your life is so good. You have it so easy. You have nothing to cry about.” If that’s the mentality you have, your child will be seriously confused. Every parent makes mistakes no matter how hard she tries. We all have been damaged in some way by our parents. Just understand that your daughter will have a load of emotional baggage and potential mental health problems because of what she’s experiencing as a child. As an adult, she may be willing to forgive you and forge a relationship with you if you can make amends for the damage you’ve done. It may not be your fault that you’re this way, but the impact on your child won’t be lessened because you have reasons for your condition. Good for you, seeking help and acknowledging your needs. I hope you have healthy people in your life to help you and your daughter.
OMG. Try to focus. First it's that you're in a kitchen (who cares?), then that it's in Southern California (who cares?), then it's that your dog is having nightmares, then it's that you're making cookies. Next time you make a video, here's a suggestion: Write down what you want to focus on, and use that as a guide. Put your dog in another room. No one cares about your kitchen.
@@meowmeow1stgen668 I can watch a video, dislike it and comment, thank you very much. And I can express my opinion that it's presented in an unfocused way. And you don't have to let yourself get triggered by negative feedback.
I enjoy the other personal positive or in the moment things in her videos, because the topic can be triggering. For me, drawing and art were my escape / meditation, so her explaining about cooking and baking and feeling at home in the kitchen does relate to the topic.
I got recently on a “no contact” relationship with my undiagnosed BPD mom after an episode in which she called me one morning to ask me why I don’t call her as often. Why can’t I be like the doughter of neighbour x or y? For the first time, 4 years in therapy and 2 years in a healthy respectful relationship, I could see what she was doing to me - you are not enough of a doughter, my needs should be your priority. I would end the conversation and she would call me later as if nothing happened. We left it to the point where after a number of accusations (ideas in her head) that I had no idea existed she was asking me how can I be such a monster. That’s the last thing I heard from her and no contact will be my way forward. I owe it to myself, my partner, my future children. Thank you Dr Kim. I ve been binge watching all your videos in this time. Helps a lot to ease the guilt I wake up with every morning and the worry that she will do something bad/stupid. You are a gift to this world! 💜
Your mom sounds a lot like mine. I found out from my mother-in-law that my mom blames me for her life not turning out well. She didn't have to have me. My mom had blamed me for things in the past but not to that degree. A day later she launched a full scale emotional attack, both on me and my-mother-in-law, that lasted a week. That's when I stopped speaking to her except to arrange for movers to collect my things.
Congrats on your breakthrough! I'm BPD, trying "no contact" with mom who may be BPD or NPD. Not saying I'll never speak to her again, but I sure am feeling more confident ever since - we're both in therapy. Hurray!
Examples of things she did... let's see
Telling my friend to convince me to have plastic surgery I don't want or need. Asking my therapist about my private life. It's not so bad, is it?
I think my dad may be BPD too O.o
I could have written this word for word. I’ve been no contact for going on 6 years, with the exception of a brief reconciliation that was obviously a huge mistake. I ultimately realized things would never change and went no contact so that I could be a better mother to my kids.. My mother compromised my mental health and my kids deserve better, so as much as it breaks my heart that things have come to this, I know there is no other way. Unfortunately this means no contact with my dad as well, who after so many decades of doing any and everything possible in a futile attempt to keep her happy, has almost become just as out of touch with reality as she is. He was a huge enabler and he refused to force her to get help. So...no contact with my mom, my dad AND my brother too bc unfortunately he was a little more vulnerable than me emotionally and they took advantage of this and now it’s like a sick co-dependent threesome. But I am free! And I have an AMAZING relationship with my kids and they know they have my unconditional love and support forever. My parents’ love was always conditional. And I never met their conditions. It’s a no-won situation, especially if the person in question isn’t diagnosed and refuses to accept responsibility. Good luck with your no contact!
Well done but sometimes they are in such delusion there’s no helping them
@@mariahlilienthal5359 no offence but how would your mother in law know anything about how your mother felt or what she thought during the years of your upbringing??? I think it's actually a normal human response to have someone that only knows her through you, to say such nasty things to a person's child about them. Your mother in law is way out of line and should not be speaking as though she knows your mother's feelings and thoughts. Your mother being upset about that is a normal human reaction to such a crossing of boundaries. Your mother in law is causing rifts and division. Though, you should also be adult enough to realise that your mother in law does not have those kind of psychic abilities to speak on your mother's thoughts and feelings like that.
My mom may have had BPD…She’d be super kind and giving one day, and yelling, complaining and threatening to take away whatever she bought me the next! I swear she got off on making me upset, swearing she’d take away XYZ. I got so tired of the same fight, that I finally just started saying “okay, whatever…”, which pissed her off, so she stopped threatening me…
"I never said that," or "I don't remember saying that," or "You must have misunderstood."
In the "New Age," community, when all other arguments and justifications fail, it's "You chose it." The perfect, catch-all, abdication of responsibility for absolutely anything and everything!
My mother has BPD, she’s stalking me for over a year now and has started pretending to be me, messaging people, asking them for sex and sending them sexually explicit pictures of me. The police are now involved. I don’t like BPD. No compassion here.
Wow. Sending love
They don't really have a good sense of self so they will imitate and become other people so that they fit in and not get rejected. They do this because of their fear of rejection and abandonment.
I can’t believe it took me 41 years to recognize this is my life
I am in shock watching this. You have described my childhood in one video. I am 43, no children by choice and this is my relationship with my mom. I have known for years our relationship is unhealthy and now I know it has a name and I have no words. Thank you for creating this. I have felt so alone in this but now I understand it has a name and I can seek healing.
Watching this as a newly mom of 2 with BPD… I am in treatment and am actively trying to make sure nothing gets dumped on my children. Thank you for this perspective.
I was diagnosed with bpd and raised by a father with untreated bpd and narcissistic tendencies and I'm so so glad you made this video. It's so important to educate about this topic specifically. I'm trying hard to break the generational pattern. I've been through years of treatment and still because of my upbringing and diagnosis greatly fear having children. Having been left with an additional ptsd diagnosis and loads of baggage I genuinely don't want any child to go through that. Bpd abuse is 1000% real and extremely damaging.I just want to validate anyone out there who may need to hear that. You are not crazy
Thank you
❤❤❤ I used to be biased about BPD because of my trauma, but I have so much respect for anyone who is trying to break cycles like yourself ❤❤❤ I hope it’s going well ❤
This is literally my mom to a tee. I finally decided to separate from her until she is willing to accept, and get treatment for, her BPD.
Am proud of you 🎉
🤣 It's not like she's a substance abuser, raging alcoholic or abusive in any way. 🙄Ppl who have BPD need unstanding and compassion especially from close family members. Distancing yourself from her is only gonna make symptoms worse.
@@kerenpooh5314 thank you for your support.
@@80sCrazyCatDadNGunAddiction You're as horrible as she is if you think BPD people aren't abusive. It takes a pretty low individual to troll people in the comments of a support video like this. Go bother someone else.
@@80sCrazyCatDadNGunAddictionyou don't even know her situation
So spot on!!! I'm 42 and for my whole life I've been the target of my BPD mom. I always knew something was off with her but just thought she was crazy and very religious. After seeing her pattern and researching the past few years I now k low she has this. It makes so much sense, but at 70 she is in denial and will never be fixed. Alwaysss the victim. Anything can set her off to where she is screaming stop attacking me. When I was just talking a normal voice telling her about something nuetral. I have 3 daughters and find sometimes I had lashed out or lost it on them. Mostly the oldest. I now an trying to fix myself and have awareness to break the cycle. Self accountability and assessment is a major positive component in fixing things and I don't deny that I have may acted out irrationally in the past. How can I fix with my daughter 7 some of the pain she may have already experienced, so she may heal and grow up to be stronger and happy now that I am aware of my upbringing and I am proactive to stopping this madness.:)
This is massively helpful! No contact for 5 years and every year, I feel like I’m making huge leaps 💙
Proud of you -keep going!!!:)
Are borderlines sadistic. Trying to figure out my mother. She was, she loved to see me go from happy to crushed. By her. Favorite saying was "are you finished yet?" if I cried.
Ouch, I’m sorry :/
Literally each one of these points are so relatable when it comes to my mom.
I'm pregnant with both of our first child. My mom and my boyfriend's mom are both undiagnosed BPD. It's such a struggle understanding that it isn't very healthy to have them be a major part of our lives but also not wanting to keep our kid from knowing their grandmothers.
I’ve been struggling finding a therapist to help me with cptsd I developed growing up with my BPD addict mom. I have chronic pain and insomnia. Videos on this channel have given me lots of support. It’s been hard finding the help I need as I am sure it is for most of us coming out of the cptsd fog. Grateful for this channel and looking forward to seeing more about the course.
Thank you so much for sharing Karen. I am so sorry you are struggling -and I so understand the pain and fogginess of CPTSD. Sending you support and strength --and good luck wishes in finding a helpful therapist--- and in healing your life:)🙏
Hello, I saw your comment and I can related to having trouble finding a professional who is trained and experienced in working through these issues with clients. After many attempts, I finally realized the best help was in good recovery groups. Is there an Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families group near you?
Dr Kim- you mentioned if your videos helped even one person it would be worth it. Your videos help more than one person- that's for sure. But I wanted to say thank you and let you know that your content has helped me make PROFOUND shifts and changes in my understanding of my parents, the dynamic of my child/adulthood, and why I'm wired certain ways. You so accurately describe my situation over and over. Coming across your channel was the first time I truly felt validated, understood and aware. Through that recognition, I was able to set firm boundaries in place. I am a more aware mom, wife and human largely in part from you identifying and educating those of us impacted by this complex topic. You are such a comforting presence. The fact that you're articulate, calm, knowledgeable and compassionate gives me a sense of confidence that we can all be a positive presence in this world, regardless of the framework we had in our families. Your videos feel like a cozy sweater and a cup of tea and a visit with someone I WISH I had in my life growing up. Sending you a tremendous amount of gratitude for providing this community.
I agree 100%!
Thank you so much for your beyond kind words, and support here. I truly mean it when I say it fills my heart with joy and comforts me in my own story to know that what I share here helps in some way. I wish I had heard what I have learned (both the hard way and clinically) too! Love to pay it forward:). I love hearing how you found a way to love yourself even more by setting healthy boundaries, and by shifting and becoming more aware in all the roles in your life. I love the idea of being like a cozy sweater and tea here too - that sounds so lovely and perfect! Warm wishes for continued healing on your journey!!🙏
Love this format, Dr Kim. It's very personable and non-threatening. I don't know. Just makes me feel relaxed and safe, like I'm listening to a friend.
Thank you so much! I would love to find a way to make this format work too - I don't know if everyone feels the same but it's such an easy place for me to chat!:). Thank you again for being here!
Dr Kim, your videos are always on time!! thank you so much about talking so in depth about these highly important but underrepresented topics. ❤️
You are so welcome Charlotte! Thank you so much for watching and sharing! Hope you have a lovely day!🙏
@@DrKimSage Yeah, thank you so much!! I will!
My God! The accuracy of the things you say is as if you have been in my life in my thoughts and feelings forever. This has been my experience/relationship my whole life. I feel so appreciative of your videos. Your help. Your acknowledgment/validation. I am in gratitude 🙏🏻😘
06:10 I love you so much Dr kim!! I want to say that you are one in a million. your videos are soo helpful , when i was searching about bpd i couldnt find any proper youtube video but your videos are amazing its so hard to find any resoruces about bpd parents even some psychologists just dont know the importance of it. Like you said its like a religion i keep searching and trying to heal. You cant imagine how helpful your videos are just wanted to say thank you so much your work is helping people from everywhere im just 18 and from Turkey , your work is helping a person from different side of the world . i love your content so much and i am so excited about your upcoming courses... ❤️
Wow! Thank you so much! I so appreciate you and my heart is truly warmed knowing that what I am doing here is helpful in some way! I wish you so much healing and support in your journey and I hope you know that you are worthy of being healed and whole:). Please take very good care today!🙏
Thank you so much Dr. Kim for another great informative video. I’ve been wondering every now and then for most of my adult life whether my mom has untreated BPD rather than just high narcissistic traits, but it’s been a difficult thing to ask myself because I was treated for borderline symptoms in my late teens... and I don’t want to have (or have had) anything in common with my mom, especially not the things about her that hurt me the most as a kid. But I’m coming to terms with the fact that regardless of what a professional would’ve said about my mom if she had ever gotten help, the main difference is still that I did get help, since I always wanted to be healthier and knew that it’s wrong to take your moods out on other people, no matter what you’re going through. As always I love the way you explain things and the respectful balance you keep between addressing the hurt that untreated behaviour where there’s no accountability from the parent/s can result in for the children, and the compassion for what a struggle something like BPD really can be for people who desperately want and seek help.
Childhood trauma is such a difficult topic, but you make it feel safe to listen to when you talk about these things, and I can’t say enough how appreciated it is. 🤍
Thank you so much for sharing, and I could not agree with you more. What makes such a difference is an acknowledgment of our difficulty, and our focus on healing it. I am so proud of you for doing the work --and you are not your mom. It's so important to keep our own separate selves and worth in mind-- and because I think childhood trauma is shrouded in shame for so many of us, the more we all talk and heal, the more we know we aren't alone and that true change is possible. So, thank you again for sharing - you never know who will see themselves in your story too:) Hope you have a lovely day!
I became avoidant in my relationship/marriage with my now ex wife that is clearly undiagnosed BPD. Just about to enter a horrible custody / school choice dispute for our 4 and 2 year old. I can't believe I was duped for 12 years about who she really was. I missed all of the red flags or fobbed them off as nothing. I knew nothing about personality disorders and wish I never had to research this topic.
You will eventually get through this and be okay. I went through a very similar situation many years ago. Yes, it was a complete nightmare, but going through such a horrible time made me a much stronger and wiser person. The best thing you can do is to make sure you provide a safe, calm, loving environment when your children are with you and most importantly, ask God for his help every minute of every day.
I pray for the sake of your children that you got full custody or that they at least made her get treatment. It seems the justice system has some courts finally realizing that the mother isn’t always the best option. My dad fought like hell to just to stay in my life taking my mom to court in the 90s.
@@M.j.7 all I can say is thank god for hair strand tests for alcohol. I ended up with majority care and the kids go to school near me. We settled out of court before our final hearing
Omg! I am so happy I found you. I am 61 years old and I am so unsure of what is what for me. I'm running in circles trying to figure out what is wrong. What brought me to awareness at such a late time was trying to deal with a sibling. I don't know what is what for sure. I'm digging. I lived with crazy in a mild way all my life. Conditioned to play my role and now I am no longer willing to play it, therefor I have been tossed into the trash over something so trivial it makes my head spin. Haven't talked to this sibling in 3 years now. I just don't know what the problem really is. Our mother and father have passed now, but our mother was a sufferer of Bipolar, so there was trauma for all of us. It was back in the 60's and 70's, so who really knows what it was. I am searching madly to figure it out, but it is taking a toll on me. It is very difficult to figure this stuff out at such at late time in life. I was aware early on that things were crazy, but I had my own family to take care of, so I just moved through the best that I could. I want to heal, from whatever it is. Happy I found you, I will continue to pay attention and see if I can learn more. Thank you!
You are so welcome and I am so happy you're here. I am so sorry for all you've endured - please know you are so worthy of peace and healing.🙏🙏💜
My mom would say"you make me sick." Anyone else hear this?
Yes
Thank you for another amazing video Dr Sage! So much goodness to unpack in this one, as always. I appreciate you and your work so much. Have a great week! 💐
Dr Kim, God bless you, you just described my whole family dynamics
Thank you Kim...rhis spt on...my mother had BPD/ NPD and my siblings are on the same path. .I had to walk away move to another county and go no contact with them all 4 years ago..forgotten wellness has returned and I love to bake also. .my kitchen is my sanctuary and with the same premenstrual years I have gained weight but most importantly gained back my peace and sanity. .I'll take the latter anytime..☺Happy Baking and healing to you..much love & blessings..💜
Thank you so much! You just described my parents exactly. I always wondered whether they're borderline or narcissist or both.
I got divorced and the part where you described an “avoidant partner”. Sounded a lot like my relationship. I’m glad I left and am working on healing myself.
Dr Kim you are so awesome. We like you just the way you are.
Great video Dr. Kim. I love how you incorporate your interest in baking into your shows 😃 You’re doing an amazing job, and I appreciate the insight into all of this 🙏🏼
I just love all of your videos, thank you❤️
OH no......please don't do other things like cookie icing. 🙂
Humans are NOT able to multi-task.
And I really need you to concentrate. 🙂
Every word that you say is pure gold to me.
I am 54 and only NOW.....through YOUR videos......understanding what was wrong with my dad.....who died 5 months ago.
My mum and i suffered so much......and never knew what this was.......that this thing REALLY had a name.
Thank you so so so so much for your videos.
They TOTALLY changed my life........and how I will be living and feeling from now on.
FREED!!!!
P.S. About 2 years ago I stumbled upon the concept of narcism ........but there were too many things that did NOT match.....while others did. THEN.....about 2 weeks after my dad died......I found your videos.....and 10000 light bulbs went off in my head.
Had I known this earlier......I would have been able to navigate better........at least during the last years.
On a side note: THANK GOD I had the best mum in the world....that loved me as much as a human being can love......and that saved me from being a total mess I guess. But still......NOW I understand the self esteem issues that have been plagueing me and limiting me for my whole life. I also have the best husband in the world who thinks that I am perfect and smart and wonderful and unique......for the last 26 years now. So in the end I really lucked out anyway.
Dang. I edit videos for courses (not on this account) and wish I had seen this sooner because I think the courses are out now. I think editing them would have brought me a lot of healing too
Heyo where my fellows moms at watching this close to midnight filled with regret over losing your temper with your kids like twenty times today???
both my parents are borderline it made my childhood a living hell and now i think i might also have bpd
Happy baking Dr Kim! :)
Thank you again for your helpful videos xo
Thank you so much Faith! I am so happy they are helpful for you:) I do love baking!! Hope you have a lovely day!
That’s why I won’t have a child. I don’t want to ruin a life
I have bipolar so does my mum and nana I didn't realise this till seven years ago listening now I understand my behaviour and thought process and my daughter chooses not to have children because it's probably likely she could pass the gene on to her child although she doesn't have bipolar herself she's a hard working person who is well respected and loved so I'm pleased it missed a generation
I SO SEE how the lines between ASD and BPD can really become blurred if the clinician isn’t adept at honing in on the fine details. Then again, you’ve stated there can be comorbidity with ASD and BPD.
My counselor just gave this book to me to read. It makes everything make sense.
Lol , This is a A Very cute video, Thank you , Thank you for the information and helping me learn , It has been a vey long struggle understanding the whole situation and keeping the responses reasonable and reactions to a minimum, Again thank you, long time following finally subscribed , you’re an Amazing Lady :)
Dr, thank you so much for sharing the information and it would be highly appreciated if you could get straight to the point. Half of this video, right up to minute 7, had nothing to do with teaching us about BPD. I eventually gave up right as you start talking about it since it's so long. Apologies for being so direct, but I know a lot of people would appreciate direct information from the bat. Thank you
I enjoy the other personal positive or in the moment things in her videos, because the topic can be triggering. For me, drawing and art were my escape / meditation, so her explaining about cooking and baking and feeling at home in the kitchen does relate to the topic.
My mother was bpd and my dad was an empath.
Hell on Earth.
Would someone with BPD or NPD ever say, with genuine remorse, “I did ____ to protect you from ____. I just never considered you may need protection from me. I can never forgive myself for the pain I caused you.”
We look forward to your courses and future videos.
Have you gone to the beach this week?
Thank you Bill! And yes I have been this week - it brings me so much peace to be there:). Can't wait to share my courses and more videos- so appreciate your time and thoughtful replies!!🙏
Literally explained my mom with bpd with abandonment/attachment issues and my dad who’s is covert narcissist with avoidant personality when it comes to my mom. Then they both use emotional guilt and blackmail on me to emotionally support them or take sides. I’m 37 and I’m still dealing with it. Unfortunately they are very loving and caring in ways that benefits me but I know they do it from their own sense of ego first. It just makes it all near impossible. I don’t have the ability in me to go no contact. The level of anxiety and fear I have of their well being drives into incredible depression and the fear of regret, what if I leave and my moms only source of happiness is gone and she commits suicide, because she’s legitimately attempted 3 times in my life. Once as a 10 year old, a 15 year old and as a 19 year old. And not for attention either. Like if someone didn’t happen upon her at that time she would be dead. No suicide note, no warnings… usually at her more seemingly happier times, but a lot of times her happier times is when she’s manic. My dad is a massive trigger. He’s uses major gaslighting, does a bunch of stuff to intentionally drive her mad then feigns ignorance or innocence in his motives. It’s beyond frustrating and I’ve become so codependent on them. I just don’t know how to undo what’s been done and I’m kind of stuck now. I just absolutely love my mom and dad though and I just don’t know what to do.
Thank you for sharing here, I am so truly sorry that you've been dealt a hand with your parents that is just beyond painful and difficult. It really is such complicated love - and I am sending support and healing love your way today. Please know you are worthy of healing and that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Therapy can be incredibly helpful if possible.
extremely helpful! thank you!
You're so welcome!!🥰
So my mom was complaining to me the other day how her boss at work will never be successful in the long run because all she does is scream hurtful words to her subordinates at work, she said that her boss yell’s hurtful things to her people whenever she’s in a lot of pressure. And i told her at that moment, “maybe she doesn’t have an outlet?”, i was really insinuating at that moment that her, my mother, has an outlet which is me and my siblings. Whenever things get hard for her at work, she turns into this monster that couldn’t care about anyones feelings inside the house(all while being and angel towards her subordinates by the way), in my mind i always repeat at that moment, “its okay its just stressful at work, when she gets the money and commissions, then maybe she’ll become nicer”. I tried pointing it out once, how she is extra mean whenever she wants to and she usually implies that im delusional. Her excuse for all of this and her scapegoat is God and the bible, she knows i cant argue about that because i will go to hell, i feel like im living with a mother gothel. Everyday of my life im just surviving, im not living a single moment in here, i see my friends thrice a year and she doesn’t want me to go out because, “we don’t have any money”. I want to make personal relationships with other people but my mother is always in the back of my mind telling me what to do. I want to get out of here.
Hello, I saw your comment and your description reminds me of some experiences I had while surviving in a family with a very broken mother who was never diagnosed with BPD, even though she sought help. When my parents were fighting or my mom was angry, I felt this intense oppression and confinement that has led me to have trust issues and an unhealthy independence. I wish I could talk to you personally and tell you that you’re going to make it through this! When you can start your own life, please do yourself a big favor and join 12-step recovery groups that pertain to adult children of dysfunctional homes. You are going to need the help and encouragement of other people who are further along the healing journey. If you haven’t learned about limerence, at some point you should research this because you may have a tendency to seek out escapism through the idolizing of celebrities or crushes. And my personal advice to you is that you delay marriage and family until you’ve had a good amount of time to heal and separate emotionally from your family. Jumping into a marriage will most likely recreate the very patterns you’re trying to escape now. Remember you can have a beautiful life of your own! God bless you!
My father acts the way bpd moms have been described
Your videos are awesome
Thank you so much!:)🙏
I love the opening tune🎶Who is it?
Ex-partner was undiagnosed BPD traits at least, I believe that she probably has a full blown disorder. I have experienced extreme parental alienation (PA), it is very common for BPD people to engage in PA, I have not seen my daughter for over a year. PA is a horrible form of child abuse, usually committed by BPD or NPD people.
BPD people definitely suffer a lot, but they also leave a trail of emotional destruction for all who come into their orbit. If you think you might suffer from BPD, please please please get professional help, if not for your own sake, then do it for the sake of those who love you.
Does the BPD parent make the expectation known that the child must be the caretaker, or due to the parent’s behavior does the child, being a child, place that burden upon him/herself?
thank you
What is that book? I do not see it listed?
Its in the description: Using the book "Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds..." by Kimberlee Roth
This is my issue, i am a single mom of 6, not my choice, i begged their bpd dad to share custody with me. He refused. He quit his job because he didnt want to pay child support, i didnt want to put him on child support anyway. But i have to ask for help, i want to have free time. Hes at my house more often than his home, but even when hes here he doesnt do anything with his kids. Idk im just at a loss. Do i continue this or put him on child support.
She is so nice then says or does something horrible
Dang, your cookies look good 😊
Oh they are!! :)
Hi Kim! I'm an Astrologer and am curious what sign you are. Thank you in advance!
You forgot the borderliners that are diagnosed but in denial.
Felt that.😂 Lucky if you CAN get em diagnosed 🍀though it’s not like you can force someone into treatment
It’s such a minuscule point that your almost backtracking, but your right.
but yknow, it is quite relieving to at least find out (or come to understand ) that your parent is borderline, that you aren’t crazy. AND we have community comment sections :3
(Sorry if I’m stigmatizing I’m not talking about the people suffering from borderline IN treatment;) Like Seriously kudos to you 💪🏻 My experience with a borderline is that they don’t want treatment. I sound very fed up.
with a delicate diagnosis that we as the family members aren’t allowed to diagnose, rather, “Borderline” labels just a mutual understanding. (Though the borderlines free to make crazy accusations about others as they please 🙄) I think there’s a lot of confusion about the diagnosis , It needs to be diagnosed but I think it is both mis and under diagnosed. There isn’t enough help and recourses.
It’s probably why the majority don’t get diagnosed and or get help and or get fixed.
It sucks when it’s misdiagnosed, too. Narcissists would also like to convince you your a crazy witch, and like, that’s scary too you wouldn’t want a diagnosis? (Sucks that BPDs attracted to them, the chances of getting them help plummets 🤢 down the rabbit hole we gooo)
-----------------------
OK, so now I know what's wrong with my father. Mother being covert narcissist. Lucky me.
Do you know any professional, or yourself, who would help victims of abuse which includes minor abused children?? Let me know. P.S. This case involves an actual narcissistic sociopath parent who is on going severely abusive, children, and the non abusive abuse by proxy victim on going. Desperately need assistance.
You hoped you didn’t speak too fast, but I actually put it on faster speed😅
I put it on slower speed sometimes
I think Narcissism is higher in men though, but OK.
Wow you all make it sound like anyone with BPD shouldn't be a parent?? I'm a 27yo single mum with BPD amongst other mental health conditions and I have a 7 year old daughter. Yes I struggle with my mental health and have done since before I had my daughter, there have been times when I wish I hadn't been so upset, angry or in my head while she was around but all I have ever done is my best for her, to be there for her, care for her, give her the best and love her with all my heart, she gets put above everything including myself. I don't think its fair to go on like most children with BPD parents have been traumatised and scarred for life from being around them and unless you actually suffer with BPD and see it through the eyes of someone with that condition you can't judge how difficult it can make your life.
that’s what my mom claims she did my whole life and made it look that way to other people, but the truth was this video. you just can’t speak for your child’s experience when you’re someone with bpd.
especially when you say yourself, there have been times where you seemingly split (wish i hadn’t been so upset, angry, in my head when she’s around but) LOL
@@Wildf1r33 right well its great you obviously have no mental health issues or raise a child whilst dealing with them. What about people, like me, who's mum also struggled with these mental health issues?? Iv been the child with that parent growing up and iv grown up to be a parent with similar mental health and try to do different and all I can for my daughter. Mental health or not, every parent and even every person gets upset, angry or lost in their own thoughts when things get stressful sometimes. It doesn't mean they are always splitting or doing it because of their mental health, they are just normal human emotions that come with dealing with the stresses of life and being an adult. Just because that was your mum and life experiences doesn't mean it applies to every child with parents who have mental health, you can't tar everyone with the same brush just because there's one similarity (bpd parents) and if you do personally I think thats quite close minded. I also think its childish to try and answer my comment with a comment I made and put LOL considering the conversation is about mental health and children, don't find the subject amusing myself. Clearly some people still have a lot to learn about the world and the people in it.
@@kayleighdavis1482 you’re missing the point. Having emotional reactions and attachment wounds with BPD is the not the same thing as securely attaching to your children and occasionally getting mad at them. If you really think it is the same then you need more treatment.
The fact that you are also assuming the splitting doesn’t harm your children, you can’t even see them as being separate or having their own needs or reactions so you lack empathy. I don’t think people like you should have kids either.
Those of us who had a parent with BPD were constantly required to consider how hard life was for their parents. “You have no idea how hard my childhood was. Your life is so good. You have it so easy. You have nothing to cry about.” If that’s the mentality you have, your child will be seriously confused. Every parent makes mistakes no matter how hard she tries. We all have been damaged in some way by our parents. Just understand that your daughter will have a load of emotional baggage and potential mental health problems because of what she’s experiencing as a child. As an adult, she may be willing to forgive you and forge a relationship with you if you can make amends for the damage you’ve done. It may not be your fault that you’re this way, but the impact on your child won’t be lessened because you have reasons for your condition. Good for you, seeking help and acknowledging your needs. I hope you have healthy people in your life to help you and your daughter.
So…where is or was your children’s father?
Who cares dude?
😘🌹🍵
Your Shitzu is not having nightmares.
Lack of underdiagnosing? Lol
OMG. Try to focus. First it's that you're in a kitchen (who cares?), then that it's in Southern California (who cares?), then it's that your dog is having nightmares, then it's that you're making cookies. Next time you make a video, here's a suggestion: Write down what you want to focus on, and use that as a guide. Put your dog in another room. No one cares about your kitchen.
If you don’t like the video, don’t watch it? Or is that going to make you split?
@@meowmeow1stgen668 I can watch a video, dislike it and comment, thank you very much. And I can express my opinion that it's presented in an unfocused way. And you don't have to let yourself get triggered by negative feedback.
I enjoy the other personal positive or in the moment things in her videos, because the topic can be triggering. For me, drawing and art were my escape / meditation, so her explaining about cooking and baking and feeling at home in the kitchen does relate to the topic.
This video gives ADHD vibes
No wonder that dog is having nightmares.