youll know if you are just an option, you will feel it! what works for me is knowing what i really want in someone without being too caught up in just attraction. yes, thats important but if you are brainy and like someone who is thoughtful, the quiet, shy guy will never satisfy you!
"If it turns out to be the right one, then you'll know at that point. Right now he's not showing you he's the right one." WOW... that's all I needed to hear, thank you so much
I don't necessarily agree with that. Just like women each have a different personality, so do men. All men do not act the same, nor do they react the same. Hence, from a woman's point of view. Now, if you are talking One Life to Live, or General Hospital...yes, you are right.
I think (for me) the solution is not to date more than one person. But to have my own things going that are priorities and not to focus too much on this person. I get that having options has advantages. But my problem, many people see this practice as a habit of always looking for the next best thing (as if they were objects) even after you two have made it clear that they're exclusive. That's not how you treat people.
Matthew's gifted. Not only is he smart, he seems to understand these situations intuitively and then translate them so eloquently for us to understand. Thank you Matthew!!
Holllllaaaay shiiit. I do this. I. Do. This. I meet a great guy through flirting or random meeting, we go out, I stop paying attention to other guys, until I realize that he's not as into me as I'm into him. Then I find another. I NEED TO DATE MORE DUDES.
I totally agree. I met this guy online a few weeks ago, we went on a date and it’s been great ever since but sometimes he takes 16-29 hours to respond to my messages. We’ve arranged a second date for tomorrow but this other guy keeps messaging me. I ignored him because I was so into the other guy but now I’m thinking I might meet this guy for a drink this weekend too! The other guy is probably messaging multiple women so why can’t I?!
I think one of the problems women have is that we were taught at a young age to NOT “play the field” as you say... we were taught ,especially by our mothers, to pick a boy and don’t think of anyone else. At least when I was growing up. Thank you Matthew for reminding us that we can meet other people, expand our pool of people and not cut ourselves off to the world just because we “like” someone. Much love!
for a woman this is a huge red flag when a man sees a woman dating a lot all talking to different men. No man is going to be turned on by that he's just going to see her as a 304 and pump and dump he can't take those girls seriously.
Ladies, when someone is really into you, he would make whatever is necessary to see you and spend time with you. I dated guys who would ignore me for days or even weeks, till I met the one who wants to know about me every day.
I agree with this comment. It happened to me. He put offer to see me and initiate to ask me out more than anyone.or phone call every day. He show the right sign. Better than some guy that ignore me day / week.
good to know. if a man won't rip down the sky to be with me he will never love me. if there is no effort, no "good lord is something wrong with you?" a man who is close to his mom ,who will give up visiting his mother on her birthday for a date with me. is the good choice?
My mother always told me not to be so available for men. She also told me never to initiate contact with them. Let them call and be too busy to answer sometimes. Matthew, you are wise beyond your years!
keilanatalierose That’s not playing games, it’s understanding the nature of a man and controlling your innate desire to nurture when someone has not committed to you.
@@sebnemnisanci Being open and sincere isn't unattractive to men. "Playing it cool" is a masculine trait and women who "play it cool" are usually transparently projecting the things they find attractive (a masculine affect) not realizing the polarity between feminine and masculine attraction. Lots and lots of women basically act like men down to the way they walk. My visceral take from the affect of a lot of young women is that they look they are squaring up for a fist fight. That's what my lizard brain is telling me. The men giving advice to women to act more like men are probably some kind of androphiles who fetishize anti-femininity in the abstract. Men generally do like women who are 'soft' and nurturing and want to protect them, it's just that you can't give fully into your impulses with a stranger. Early on you'd basically be 'playing house' like a kid because you don't actually know each other. We can't always simply indulge our instincts. That doesn't mean we aren't attracted to those feminine instincts. Being aloof isn't something that will make you more attractive to men, but it may keep you from hurting yourself over the wrong guy. It's a balance.
I seriously need Matthew as my Jiminy Cricket conscience on my shoulder 24/7! He talks so much sense but its so hard to see when your actually in the situation.
actually tunnel vision is THE BEST! when it's not abused by both people. it's actually the most deep, secure and trusting relationship you can ever be in. but it takes 2 people being 100% honest and caring.
I just want to say that this video TRULY CHANGED MY LIFE when I watched it 6 months ago. I have never felt stronger and more aware of what I’m doing while I date men. Thank you so much Matthew. I feel like I owe you my life lol. Please listen to him, ladies. NEVER put all your eggs into 1 basket!!! Keep your options open and keep dating other men until someone chooses you. And you choose them back. “The right person is the one that chooses you” 👏🏻
I've read a few books, and they always said women should date more like men. Date at least three guys, on a platonic level, and eventually the one you like the most, and if it's mutual, this is person you will date. This has worked for me every time.
Yes and don't forget to mention that most of the dates should consist of going out in public doing interesting things! Do NOT date naked! As much as possible, avoid each other's places till you know that you have a ring or something of a good foundation/committment!
Moonlit Balcony hell yeah, crumbs are for the dogs that are waiting desperately at the edge of the table not a woman of high value. A man wants a tank of exotic fish but soon realizes that if he treats these complex sea creatures like a standard goldfish you’ve won from some fair they’ll soon suffer become sick and die. Men need to understand things in word pictures and I’ll make the clear point that if your only able to nurture a succulent then by all means own that and leave the Azaleas and Roses alone!!!!!
i went through this cycle for nearly 6 loooong years! NEVER again. i deleted him after 5-6 yrs and 4 days later i met someone AMAZING after turning too many men down when i was 'chasing' that lump of sh't! Stop stroking mens egos and move on, ladies! ... and its true, they do give us 'just enough' stringing us along to keep us there... the best thing my ex did was show me how AND WHEN to let go!
He blew hot and cold too. Embarrassing to admit i was kidding myself and he always had excuses. blamed his 'unavailabilty' on his family problems. I fell for it. hes out of my life for good now though.
Kris Dee I'm In a two year long hot and cold "relationship". We were never officially a couple because not too long after we were seeing each other he dropped me for a random hookup during a vacation. I decided to cut him off and not speak to him and somehow we started talking to each other and I got pulled back into this. We live in different states which does not help the situation. Also we have mutual friends so It makes it even more complicated. He has now for past two weeks been really cold and have not heard from him much. Yesterday I messaged him and the conversation felt so forced by me and I decided to just stop texting back because the conversation was not flowing for the first time ever. I really wish I can just forget him. I don't know what to do anymore. Help
+Lori Puntarovic The sooner you end this, the sooner you will get over him. I have been there. It is not a pretty thing when you heart hurts so much, but you need to get your life back. You have already expended two years with a person that doesn't appreciate you the way you should. I hope you get better soon. I hope the best for me too. Hugs
I agree with Matthew, because I’ve learned my lessons in the past. As a woman, don’t keep all the eggs in one basket. I stop being so desperate on one person and then all of the sudden, I get consistent calls & texts day in and day out! I turn the table around.
Completely agree with you Matthew , I went through this... where the guy is kinda hot & cold but he gives you enough hope just to keep you around then once he finds a girl to chase he will leave you behind :( I've learned my lesson & I don't let my eyes get a tunnel vision anymore . I learned the hard way I hope this girl listens to Matt's advice.
When I met my husband I said to myself I am only having fun and won’t take relationship too seriously. We needed up married for 15 years now. You have to go in to a relationship nonchalantly. If it doesn’t work then you won’t care.
sometimes I just think i want a fun summer fling with a man who is old enough but young enough to be socially ok to make up for the fact I never got to have a super vacation boyfriend as a teenager
You can take his advice to the end of the earth and it will only work for a day. I tried it. The guy ended up using me over a year no matter what I did to show I had a life and options. People who use people are crafty. Stay away from them. Genuinely good guys will do the right thing and you don't have to work to keep them.
Blair Fletcher By your comment though it's clear you still had tunnel vision that entire year. He's not saying wait for the guy, he's saying look at other options because this guy is not making up his mind.
I can't believe how right he was! I've gone on a couple of dates but when I found a guy I liked I told myself it was too much to juggle multiple dates. Even though he was breadcrumbing me! I heard Matthew say that as painful as dating process can be, you got to get yourself out there because you're not meeting the right guy at home. And voila! I met the most perfect guy by doing just that about six months ago, and things are really looking up
I've watched this before but I didn't really get it. Today, I HEARD it. Loud and clear. I'm going to make room for other opportunities. Why wait on the one that throws me a bone once in a while for maybe something else out there that might just be spectacular. BOOM! I got it.
The problem with this advice is that it assumes you’ve got multiple *good* options at all times. That may not be the case. Sometimes I meet someone and we seem to get on like a house on fire. That’s the kind of person I ask out. I rarely feel that connection with more than one person at a time, because there just aren’t *that* many people who make me feel that way. To follow this advice, you need to go out with multiple people you don’t give a shit about just so you’ve got fallback options. Hardly romantic.
Thank goodness I found this. Ive met a similar guy: cute, knowledgeable, hot af. The messages we had was great, the meet up was great. He even offered to hike out. I told him Im willing to get to know him (i want that connection) but he just became distant and boring unlike before. Thats when I realized he might not be into me, not even willing to get to know me, but damn he was on my mind for a looong time until now. Tunnel vision is a great way to describe it. Scary if one sided and that was me. We all deserve the kind of love we want.. Im moving on cause I know what I want. Thank you, next!
I couldn't relate more! I'm guilty that I am actually having that feeling with a guy right now and I know its not really healthy to run my whole attention only to him. I just know, that I needed to hear these things at this moment on. Thank you!!!! 👏💗
This is so *his arms* true, we’ve all *his arms* been here, I should stop *his arms* looking at his arms, I haven’t been *his arms* paying attention...
Oh, thank you! This is the one I'm waiting for! It really made sense in my love life. I used to be like this girl and I guess I do need to move forward with my own life. Try to fix myself. Enjoy my family, friends, work, and try to eliminate him little by little in my mind. Tunnel vision is really not a good thing 'coz it leads us to frustration. Thanks for sharing this wonderful video. I've realized a lot. Great day, Matthew! 😊
Oh my goodness this video was just what I needed. I was feeling guilty for talking to another guy when the guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks starting to do the texting just enough to keep me sticking around thing, about once or twice a day and usually not really detailed or invested messages. He doesn’t really make an effort to set up dates with me either, so every time we’ve seen each other I’ve had to figure out the plan even though he seems interested when we’re together and talks like it’s going somewhere. Talking to another guy has opened my eyes a lot to how I want to be treated as this guy has planned multiple dates and texts frequent, detailed messages asking questions about me and talking about his own life as well. Still in the middle of all this which is new and feels strange for me as I’ve just recently ventured into the dating realm, Mathew’s videos have been a huge help in gaining a good perspective on what’s happening in these tough situations.
I'm so glad you've said it's ok to date other guys as well. I always feel like I'm using them if I start seeing other guys too. But then they haven't looked you down!
I just shook a guy, who thought he was the only one. He doesn't know what to do. I will not make any plans, they have to. I've always dated more than one guy. Just recently had an experience with a guy, which made me see the other guy different. I was cheating myself out of some really great guys, and this guy was playing me, so glad I continued dating other people.
I just want to say thank you Matthew! Because of one of your videos I finally got the nerve to block that one guy I've been waiting for for years!!! I feel so free now
Ladies (and gents), why would anyone want that person who didn't like us as much as we did in the beginning, and who kind of "used" us? Matthew says the guy is not necessarily an unsuitable person, only someone who isn't decided. Why would we work towards helping him decide? How can one be with a person who simply doesn't like them enough? I personally believe that when these clear signs appear, i.e. the man doesn't seem to be interested, we should move on! He isn't the person for us, he only wants the fun! Had he been genuinely interested from the beginning, he would've made an "effort" to get to know us better. I hate it when women go into despair mode and would do anything to change someone else's mind. Just leave him alone, it wasn't meant to be! You're not accomplishing anything by forcing the situation.
Bebe Cixi I’m a man and completely agree. A man pursues, unequivocally, what he wants. If he isn’t pursuing you intentionally he’s on the fence about the woman.
@@ephapax1 So right. Not just men. When a person is mature, that person knows what they want and will tell you. If the person can't appreciate you enough to be honest and tell you "I see these qualities in you and I want this with you". They don't care much. The person should even tell you when he/she is busy. You can't be hooking the same fish over and over again.
Totally agree 200%. Why do women get so hung up on guys that are not interested? If he is not interested, just go “next”. Why even bother to change his mind, “make him commit”, whatever? Is it a relationship or is it being someone’s free therapist?
This is usually what us, women, do when we finally have that chance to be with the guy we like. And what Matt says is always a reminder to us that we should not devote our time or focus on that guy alone. But continue to be happy and do what we love to do even before we meet him. As always, fantastic advise. Thanks, Matt! =D
I agree with you Matthew. I watch your videos from Kenya,I like them and its good that you try to help women to open their eyes to not just stick around with one man who does not value them. Instead you inspire women to bring the best out of them. Thank you.
I absolutely love this conversation! Not only because most of us (women) can relate to this, having been here at some point, but Matthew read the caller's responses or pauses right too!
Men fall in love quicker than women and can lose interest quicker! By her initiating contact and giving her attentions too easily to this guy, it only conveys desperation, neediness, and an uninteresting lifestyle. A woman must set the tone in the beginning of the relationship otherwise, she is more than likely to be rejected.
if you re totally yourself on dates, the right guy will persue you. but also set boundaries. i kept staying up until midnight just to see his cute texts, now he knows im "off line" after 10pm. he now knows i value my sleep and calls me earlier for dates, not just because hes sleepy and feels lonely.....
Oh my! You described my exact situation right now!! He knows I am 100% available to him and that I dont want to see or be with anyone else, that's why he plays so many games with me and treats me however he wants.
It's okay to like someone but not to the point that you seems to be closing doors to other opportunity to meet someone better than the guy you thought was the best for you.
I used the pride myself on being always available thinking it was the best tactic. Now I know that I leave no room for the chance of the challenge. Time to switch gears 😊
Dont go out looking for another guy at the same time dont make that one guy too important for you.. listen it will work out at the right time regardless of you seeing him or not.. get involve in yourself as in personal and professional growth.. slow down this dating process.. stop jumping from one guy to another guy.. dating is not a fast process... it is like gaining the trust and confidence of that person and it takes time... also mostly those guys who fear commitment and give mixed signals are confused about themself too so better take a break and wait for him to come back and you shoot the right questions and demand them what you need when they come back looking for you.. treat the guy in the same way he treats you simple..
I couldn’t have found this video at a better time! What that caller was going through is a mirror of my life today. I will keep watching this video over and over until it sinks in! Thank you for your words of wisdom ❤️
This was the exact question and answer I needed to hear right now. I stepped back from a similar situation a week ago and was second guessing my decision. Now I know I made the right choice.
Matthew Hussey has changed my life !! I am so greatful I started to search someone that would help me in this area that I have not been able to get the results that I wanted, thanks from the bottom of my heart.. Life has certain ways of showing you the right path.. do not ignore it. :) just keep going.
brilliant. guys (men) are VERY smart (and not only in a vicious way, to make that clear). on the other hand, women - we - have been brought up to be the stupid ones, not to read the signs, not to be challenging, not to have a good sense of self-love, etc. luckily this is changing... thank you, Matt !! :))
Where were you 30 years ago! I could have used this advice back then. The dating advice has gotten much better then when I was in my 20s. I was so unfortunate to meet a really subtle emotionally abusive person.
Matthew, my dear dear Matthew! The way you put across your thoughts, its so poetic and inspiring. I'm ever so happy to have come across a guy like you, who has such a great heart, so wonderful and simply amazing! Lots of love and more power to you ❤️😘 🤗 - Bhumika
I'm so glad I decided to watch to this video because I'm also going through the same situation and the guy I'm interested in is doing the same thing to me. This is some advice I'm definitely going to be taking myself especially since I'll be going on vacation this week. Thank you for always giving such great advice!!
The best idea yet! I feel like my attention needs to shift. I've taken better care to diet , exercise, and feel better. My attraction factor is higher, this is opening the window. I'm going to open up to a new opportunity.
Wow I actually cried after watching this, I've been feeling that I'm spending too much time and energy to this person that I'm forgetting that the world is my oyster. Thank you, Matthew x
Amazing video! Made so much sense to me. I know a guy for about a year and I started to really like him, he says that he finds me beautiful and really wants to go out with me but every single time we are about to go out he flakes on me! But what drives me CRAZY and confused is the fact that he ignores my messages for days, weeks, even months and then comes back and do it all again, gives me hope, flakes on me again and disappears again! And I feel like a total fool, but I won't let him do that with me again! Thank u very much, love your videos!
Everytime I watch one of Matthew's videos I feel the URGE to tell him how incredibly helpful, charming and elocuent he is! I really hope he knows that🙌🏼
I have seen a few of your videos where you are taking calls and I can see that you genuinely care. You genuinely want to help people and attend to everyone. you put in a lot of work
Well said…. I feel like this is something we all know deep down but it’s hard to resist and avoid investing in someone you really like , but if he feels like he can come and go as he pleases he won’t appreciate you, men love scarcity sadly, but I don’t think you we need to go out of our way to show you we have other shit to care about too rather just reciprocate the effort that he puts in
Matthew,you're such an amazing person. you could be an incredible author.i like it how you read men's mind.thank you, i needed this. i always feel guilty to go out with multiple people and hurt by men many times.
+mix0nix YES!!! I thought it was only me because I am not a native english speaker and maybe that's why all voices sounds pretty much the same to me, but now you say it, I totally agree!!!
Thank you. I was scrolling through the comments hoping someone would call this advice for what it was. It just makes me despair about re-entering the dating world. 🤦🏻♀️
We should never have to chase anything only our dreams. What's meant to be will find it's way . Easy come easy Go 🙂 Everyone should know self worth and trust.. becoming whole ,by loving yourself and be passionate about your lifestyle. To much STD.
Aah read something which made sense... Glad to know someone thinks the same. It should be simple not this complex. We are already struggling to make a livelihood in these hard times and you want more stress on top of that? It should be simple like "Hey Cerise I like how you think and you seem interesting. Can we go out for a cup of coffee?" then talk openly without judging and take it to level or else respect the person, save the experience of meeting a unique individual, leave her in peace or stay as friends.
I really do hope she acted on that advise because I know exactly what she’s going through .. I’ve have been in that situation and it turned out he had a girlfriend
Brilliant!! Matthew, not only is your insight spot on, but that damn accent just makes me hang onto every word you say! Thank you for sharing your brilliance with us clueless women of the world!
"Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option!!"
or a convenience.
+Kristi or time pass
youll know if you are just an option, you will feel it! what works for me is knowing what i really want in someone without being too caught up in just attraction. yes, thats important but if you are brainy and like someone who is thoughtful, the quiet, shy guy will never satisfy you!
ulsy27 wow so true!
👍👍👍
"If it turns out to be the right one, then you'll know at that point. Right now he's not showing you he's the right one." WOW... that's all I needed to hear, thank you so much
He is very accurate on his comments. IF a guy likes you nothing will stop him from being with you.
I don't necessarily agree with that. Just like women each have a different personality, so do men. All men do not act the same, nor do they react the same. Hence, from a woman's point of view. Now, if you are talking One Life to Live, or General Hospital...yes, you are right.
Except a restraining order lol!
Andre Gonzalez yup
LaToyia Green
If you want a toxic co dependent interrmitant reinforced about to get dangerous relationship - go with that.
TUNNEL VISION IS THE MOST PURE AND BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT'S NOT ONE SIDE. IT SHOULD COME FROM BOTH SIDES.
I think (for me) the solution is not to date more than one person. But to have my own things going that are priorities and not to focus too much on this person. I get that having options has advantages. But my problem, many people see this practice as a habit of always looking for the next best thing (as if they were objects) even after you two have made it clear that they're exclusive. That's not how you treat people.
Then it wouldn’t be called “Tunnel Vision” it would be called mutually recuperated relationship.
Matthew's gifted. Not only is he smart, he seems to understand these situations intuitively and then translate them so eloquently for us to understand. Thank you Matthew!!
yeah! he's Cupid :)
1xXxIceGirlxXx1 Well said. I wish I have a friend as eloquent as him, to give us advice on relationship issues 😥
He’s not smart, he’s opinionated but not right.
And insanely attractive
Mathew is awesome, agreed!
I'm a guy, and this video made me realize how much of a jerk I've been to women without noticing it.
puxorb Yes Bro!
I feel ya
Lol! I'm glad you realized how jerky a lot of men come off.
I love this
Lol 👌😊
The woman has a wonderful voice, so soft and kind
Call her lolll
paula bot 😂😂😂😂😂
hinde64 I concur ☺️
Thirsty
She sounds lovely.. I wonder if she met someone new
Holllllaaaay shiiit. I do this. I. Do. This. I meet a great guy through flirting or random meeting, we go out, I stop paying attention to other guys, until I realize that he's not as into me as I'm into him. Then I find another. I NEED TO DATE MORE DUDES.
I totally agree. I met this guy online a few weeks ago, we went on a date and it’s been great ever since but sometimes he takes 16-29 hours to respond to my messages. We’ve arranged a second date for tomorrow but this other guy keeps messaging me. I ignored him because I was so into the other guy but now I’m thinking I might meet this guy for a drink this weekend too! The other guy is probably messaging multiple women so why can’t I?!
Im in the same situation now.
:(
I’m the same way!😩
I meet a guy..he used to message or date me often... But now he is ignoring me now and often....what to do?
Same girl, same
I think one of the problems women have is that we were taught at a young age to NOT “play the field” as you say... we were taught ,especially by our mothers, to pick a boy and don’t think of anyone else. At least when I was growing up. Thank you Matthew for reminding us that we can meet other people, expand our pool of people and not cut ourselves off to the world just because we “like” someone. Much love!
we should tell, like, 13 year olds this too right?
for a woman this is a huge red flag when a man sees a woman dating a lot all talking to different men. No man is going to be turned on by that he's just going to see her as a 304 and pump and dump he can't take those girls seriously.
cope, used up, old, unwanted leftovers.
Ladies, when someone is really into you, he would make whatever is necessary to see you and spend time with you. I dated guys who would ignore me for days or even weeks, till I met the one who wants to know about me every day.
I agree with this comment. It happened to me. He put offer to see me and initiate to ask me out more than anyone.or phone call every day. He show the right sign. Better than some guy that ignore me day / week.
You say relative truth, not an absolute one.
You're right
👀hmm
good to know. if a man won't rip down the sky to be with me he will never love me. if there is no effort, no "good lord is something wrong with you?" a man who is close to his mom ,who will give up visiting his mother on her birthday for a date with me. is the good choice?
My mother always told me not to be so available for men. She also told me never to initiate contact with them. Let them call and be too busy to answer sometimes. Matthew, you are wise beyond your years!
Your mom is a idiot
I understand that to an extent but also hate playing games so it's hard...
I needed to read this today . #HoldingBack lol
keilanatalierose That’s not playing games, it’s understanding the nature of a man and controlling your innate desire to nurture when someone has not committed to you.
@@sebnemnisanci Being open and sincere isn't unattractive to men. "Playing it cool" is a masculine trait and women who "play it cool" are usually transparently projecting the things they find attractive (a masculine affect) not realizing the polarity between feminine and masculine attraction. Lots and lots of women basically act like men down to the way they walk. My visceral take from the affect of a lot of young women is that they look they are squaring up for a fist fight. That's what my lizard brain is telling me.
The men giving advice to women to act more like men are probably some kind of androphiles who fetishize anti-femininity in the abstract. Men generally do like women who are 'soft' and nurturing and want to protect them, it's just that you can't give fully into your impulses with a stranger. Early on you'd basically be 'playing house' like a kid because you don't actually know each other. We can't always simply indulge our instincts. That doesn't mean we aren't attracted to those feminine instincts.
Being aloof isn't something that will make you more attractive to men, but it may keep you from hurting yourself over the wrong guy. It's a balance.
The camera-man/angle captured your biceps really well 😅
Amber McEwen haha thought the same thing :D
That's what I was looking at
( sees thumbnail of a hot guy with a hot body who happens to be giving love advice...)
SUBSCRIBED! XOXO
Triceps ;)
Stop being so bloody shallow. Ps at what time on the video does this happen 😬
I love this guy. He's very honest and say what he has to say straight forward
Until two people agree to be exclusive with each other, they should be meeting and going on dates with other people.There is NOTHING wrong with that!
Yes
Could be a red flag for some.
There can be A LOT wrong with it. This mindset can block your blessing sometimes
@@J_Dot_S Amen!!!
@@J_Dot_S how so?
I seriously need Matthew as my Jiminy Cricket conscience on my shoulder 24/7! He talks so much sense but its so hard to see when your actually in the situation.
Ugghh same
So true!
I feel the same!
AGREED 👏
K - I love your thumbnail
actually tunnel vision is THE BEST! when it's not abused by both people. it's actually the most deep, secure and trusting relationship you can ever be in. but it takes 2 people being 100% honest and caring.
Jobibble DiBob that's right!
Jobibble DiBob Tunnel Vision ? i dont get what it is?
So true
Hawa Fuseini The immature, not ready to be in a relationship ones don't.
What's tunnel vision?
“Men give just enough to keep that person hanging on.”
This is sociopathy, my friends.
no we just can't do to much because then we are called needy.
How dare you try to hold a western 304 accountable!
I just want to say that this video TRULY CHANGED MY LIFE when I watched it 6 months ago. I have never felt stronger and more aware of what I’m doing while I date men. Thank you so much Matthew. I feel like I owe you my life lol. Please listen to him, ladies. NEVER put all your eggs into 1 basket!!! Keep your options open and keep dating other men until someone chooses you. And you choose them back. “The right person is the one that chooses you” 👏🏻
I've read a few books, and they always said women should date more like men. Date at least three guys, on a platonic level, and eventually the one you like the most, and if it's mutual, this is person you will date. This has worked for me every time.
Thank you. Well said.
Every time? So your not in a committed relationship or Marriage you just see three guys at a time?
Libby Welch They are just options, not a priority, and they are probably dating other people.
Agreed...
Yes and don't forget to mention that most of the dates should consist of going out in public doing interesting things! Do NOT date naked! As much as possible, avoid each other's places till you know that you have a ring or something of a good foundation/committment!
Tired of trying to figure men out! Tired of being let down!
Time to love myself!!
If I can't have the whole cake, I can also do without the crumbs.
The best line I have heard👏👏👏
LOVE THIS
But then again - who eats an entire cake by himself?
Moonlit Balcony hell yeah, crumbs are for the dogs that are waiting desperately at the edge of the table not a woman of high value. A man wants a tank of exotic fish but soon realizes that if he treats these complex sea creatures like a standard goldfish you’ve won from some fair they’ll soon suffer become sick and die. Men need to understand things in word pictures and I’ll make the clear point that if your only able to nurture a succulent then by all means own that and leave the Azaleas and Roses alone!!!!!
Moonlit Balcony Oooooh, I like this! I feel the same way! Lol😂😍
i went through this cycle for nearly 6 loooong years! NEVER again. i deleted him after 5-6 yrs and 4 days later i met someone AMAZING after turning too many men down when i was 'chasing' that lump of sh't! Stop stroking mens egos and move on, ladies! ... and its true, they do give us 'just enough' stringing us along to keep us there... the best thing my ex did was show me how AND WHEN to let go!
well said
wait during those 6 years you two were never in an actual relationship?
He blew hot and cold too. Embarrassing to admit i was kidding myself and he always had excuses. blamed his 'unavailabilty' on his family problems. I fell for it. hes out of my life for good now though.
Kris Dee I'm In a two year long hot and cold "relationship". We were never officially a couple because not too long after we were seeing each other he dropped me for a random hookup during a vacation. I decided to cut him off and not speak to him and somehow we started talking to each other and I got pulled back into this. We live in different states which does not help the situation. Also we have mutual friends so It makes it even more complicated. He has now for past two weeks been really cold and have not heard from him much. Yesterday I messaged him and the conversation felt so forced by me and I decided to just stop texting back because the conversation was not flowing for the first time ever. I really wish I can just forget him. I don't know what to do anymore. Help
+Lori Puntarovic The sooner you end this, the sooner you will get over him. I have been there. It is not a pretty thing when you heart hurts so much, but you need to get your life back. You have already expended two years with a person that doesn't appreciate you the way you should. I hope you get better soon. I hope the best for me too. Hugs
If months have passed like this, then he is just not that interested. No point in playing these games I think.
I agree with Matthew, because I’ve learned my lessons in the past. As a woman, don’t keep all the eggs in one basket. I stop being so desperate on one person and then all of the sudden, I get consistent calls & texts day in and day out! I turn the table around.
Completely agree with you Matthew , I went through this... where the guy is kinda hot & cold but he gives you enough hope just to keep you around then once he finds a girl to chase he will leave you behind :( I've learned my lesson & I don't let my eyes get a tunnel vision anymore . I learned the hard way I hope this girl listens to Matt's advice.
When I met my husband I said to myself I am only having fun and won’t take relationship too seriously. We needed up married for 15 years now. You have to go in to a relationship nonchalantly. If it doesn’t work then you won’t care.
Not sure you are really up to date on the dating scene after 15 long years.
sometimes I just think i want a fun summer fling with a man who is old enough but young enough to be socially ok to make up for the fact I never got to have a super vacation boyfriend as a teenager
@@kaiyodei same I grew up conservative so I'm bring out my wild child out now lol
I love what you say at the end - he's not showing that he is the right one.... that helps me in my actual situation 👌
You can take his advice to the end of the earth and it will only work for a day. I tried it. The guy ended up using me over a year no matter what I did to show I had a life and options. People who use people are crafty. Stay away from them. Genuinely good guys will do the right thing and you don't have to work to keep them.
You're absolutely right. Learned this the hard way.
*the guy
so. so. so true.
Very insightful Africazbeauty1! and so true:)
Blair Fletcher By your comment though it's clear you still had tunnel vision that entire year. He's not saying wait for the guy, he's saying look at other options because this guy is not making up his mind.
I can't believe how right he was! I've gone on a couple of dates but when I found a guy I liked I told myself it was too much to juggle multiple dates. Even though he was breadcrumbing me! I heard Matthew say that as painful as dating process can be, you got to get yourself out there because you're not meeting the right guy at home. And voila! I met the most perfect guy by doing just that about six months ago, and things are really looking up
Totally I agree with your points. As per my opinion, people should starve for your presence, we should play hard to get..
I've watched this before but I didn't really get it. Today, I HEARD it. Loud and clear. I'm going to make room for other opportunities. Why wait on the one that throws me a bone once in a while for maybe something else out there that might just be spectacular. BOOM! I got it.
You are so funny and so right.
You need to date two people: one is the guy you like; the other is your passion/goal/mission in life.
I did... I lost both of them..finally.
Violet Crush /:
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm always doing: one comfortable girl that I like and another one that's my dream girl.
Eew.
Lol
Matthew, thank you for your existence.
+iPaintMyWorld7 AMEM
.
+Alma Wells Quite a sarcastic comment.
Miss S.- oops... I didn't mean to sound ridicules... okay fine... never mind...
Very well said
The problem with this advice is that it assumes you’ve got multiple *good* options at all times. That may not be the case.
Sometimes I meet someone and we seem to get on like a house on fire. That’s the kind of person I ask out. I rarely feel that connection with more than one person at a time, because there just aren’t *that* many people who make me feel that way.
To follow this advice, you need to go out with multiple people you don’t give a shit about just so you’ve got fallback options. Hardly romantic.
Thank goodness I found this. Ive met a similar guy: cute, knowledgeable, hot af. The messages we had was great, the meet up was great. He even offered to hike out. I told him Im willing to get to know him (i want that connection) but he just became distant and boring unlike before. Thats when I realized he might not be into me, not even willing to get to know me, but damn he was on my mind for a looong time until now.
Tunnel vision is a great way to describe it. Scary if one sided and that was me.
We all deserve the kind of love we want.. Im moving on cause I know what I want.
Thank you, next!
Very true. It's good not to attach yourself to anyone or rely on them for your happiness.
I couldn't relate more! I'm guilty that I am actually having that feeling with a guy right now and I know its not really healthy to run my whole attention only to him. I just know, that I needed to hear these things at this moment on. Thank you!!!! 👏💗
Give an award to this guy!!! All his videos make so much sense, they are straightforward, practical and no sugar coating done!
This is so *his arms* true, we’ve all *his arms* been here, I should stop *his arms* looking at his arms, I haven’t been *his arms* paying attention...
Underrated. Why doesn't this have more likes..?
Oh, thank you! This is the one I'm waiting for! It really made sense in my love life. I used to be like this girl and I guess I do need to move forward with my own life. Try to fix myself. Enjoy my family, friends, work, and try to eliminate him little by little in my mind. Tunnel vision is really not a good thing 'coz it leads us to frustration. Thanks for sharing this wonderful video. I've realized a lot. Great day, Matthew! 😊
Oh my goodness this video was just what I needed. I was feeling guilty for talking to another guy when the guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks starting to do the texting just enough to keep me sticking around thing, about once or twice a day and usually not really detailed or invested messages. He doesn’t really make an effort to set up dates with me either, so every time we’ve seen each other I’ve had to figure out the plan even though he seems interested when we’re together and talks like it’s going somewhere. Talking to another guy has opened my eyes a lot to how I want to be treated as this guy has planned multiple dates and texts frequent, detailed messages asking questions about me and talking about his own life as well. Still in the middle of all this which is new and feels strange for me as I’ve just recently ventured into the dating realm, Mathew’s videos have been a huge help in gaining a good perspective on what’s happening in these tough situations.
I'm so glad you've said it's ok to date other guys as well. I always feel like I'm using them if I start seeing other guys too. But then they haven't looked you down!
Matthew advice is literally spot on all the time!!! I hope the caller actually takes his advice and implement it.
Yep, because I know I will!
Right now, he's not showing you he's the right one... so true!!
And true even if "he" and "she" are reversed!
I just shook a guy, who thought he was the only one. He doesn't know what to do. I will not make any plans, they have to. I've always dated more than one guy. Just recently had an experience with a guy, which made me see the other guy different. I was cheating myself out of some really great guys, and this guy was playing me, so glad I continued dating other people.
I just want to say thank you Matthew! Because of one of your videos I finally got the nerve to block that one guy I've been waiting for for years!!! I feel so free now
Once again, This comes at perfect timing. Tunnel vision is so easy to fall into in dating. Thanks Matthew.
Ladies (and gents), why would anyone want that person who didn't like us as much as we did in the beginning, and who kind of "used" us? Matthew says the guy is not necessarily an unsuitable person, only someone who isn't decided. Why would we work towards helping him decide? How can one be with a person who simply doesn't like them enough? I personally believe that when these clear signs appear, i.e. the man doesn't seem to be interested, we should move on! He isn't the person for us, he only wants the fun! Had he been genuinely interested from the beginning, he would've made an "effort" to get to know us better. I hate it when women go into despair mode and would do anything to change someone else's mind. Just leave him alone, it wasn't meant to be! You're not accomplishing anything by forcing the situation.
Bebe Cixi I’m a man and completely agree. A man pursues, unequivocally, what he wants. If he isn’t pursuing you intentionally he’s on the fence about the woman.
@@ephapax1 So right. Not just men. When a person is mature, that person knows what they want and will tell you. If the person can't appreciate you enough to be honest and tell you "I see these qualities in you and I want this with you". They don't care much. The person should even tell you when he/she is busy. You can't be hooking the same fish over and over again.
Totally agree 200%. Why do women get so hung up on guys that are not interested? If he is not interested, just go “next”.
Why even bother to change his mind, “make him commit”, whatever? Is it a relationship or is it being someone’s free therapist?
I agree... But many women end up with guys they didn't like right away. So maybe this advice only really applies to guys.
Whenever I watch u Matthew I feel Great.Thank u
same
He’s so right ! And it’s easy to receive the message from him because he’s handsome ! This is a message that changed my life period !
This is usually what us, women, do when we finally have that chance to be with the guy we like. And what Matt says is always a reminder to us that we should not devote our time or focus on that guy alone. But continue to be happy and do what we love to do even before we meet him. As always, fantastic advise. Thanks, Matt! =D
I agree with you Matthew. I watch your videos from Kenya,I like them and its good that you try to help women to open their eyes to not just stick around with one man who does not value them. Instead you inspire women to bring the best out of them. Thank you.
'Giving hope,' is kind of evil. Lol!!
indeed it is evil n cruel.
I absolutely love this conversation! Not only because most of us (women) can relate to this, having been here at some point, but Matthew read the caller's responses or pauses right too!
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three day ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
±2348137709637⏯???????????????????.....
Men fall in love quicker than women and can lose interest quicker! By her initiating contact and giving her attentions too easily to this guy, it only conveys desperation, neediness, and an uninteresting lifestyle. A woman must set the tone in the beginning of the relationship otherwise, she is more than likely to be rejected.
if you re totally yourself on dates, the right guy will persue you. but also set boundaries. i kept staying up until midnight just to see his cute texts, now he knows im "off line" after 10pm. he now knows i value my sleep and calls me earlier for dates, not just because hes sleepy and feels lonely.....
well said!!
Oh my! You described my exact situation right now!! He knows I am 100% available to him and that I dont want to see or be with anyone else, that's why he plays so many games with me and treats me however he wants.
It's okay to like someone but not to the point that you seems to be closing doors to other opportunity to meet someone better than the guy you thought was the best for you.
I used the pride myself on being always available thinking it was the best tactic. Now I know that I leave no room for the chance of the challenge. Time to switch gears 😊
HOW TRUE IS THIS !
UUGH !
RIGHT TO THE CORE !
THANK YOU MATT .
💛🙏💛
I wish I had watched it long ago... could have saved lots of heartaches. But it is never too late! I am glad to have watched it now!
Dont go out looking for another guy at the same time dont make that one guy too important for you.. listen it will work out at the right time regardless of you seeing him or not.. get involve in yourself as in personal and professional growth.. slow down this dating process.. stop jumping from one guy to another guy.. dating is not a fast process... it is like gaining the trust and confidence of that person and it takes time... also mostly those guys who fear commitment and give mixed signals are confused about themself too so better take a break and wait for him to come back and you shoot the right questions and demand them what you need when they come back looking for you.. treat the guy in the same way he treats you simple..
I couldn’t have found this video at a better time! What that caller was going through is a mirror of my life today. I will keep watching this video over and over until it sinks in!
Thank you for your words of wisdom ❤️
It sounds like she’s sleeping with him and that’s why she’s stuck. Hope she’s with someone who deserves her.
Yep.... That was the mistake she made... Steve Harvey's 90 day rule is a real thing.
Matthew is always spot on
OMG I have the same problem as this girl
Whenever i feel devastated bcos of my choices you always enlighten me with your words. YOU ARE GENIUS MATT! 😊
My 2017 goal is to have at least 10 men friends by the end of next year. I just love the attention 🤗 the more the merrier
This was the exact question and answer I needed to hear right now. I stepped back from a similar situation a week ago and was second guessing my decision. Now I know I made the right choice.
Absolutely loved this video, so relatable when I think back to situations I've been through. Life is too short.
Matthew Hussey has changed my life !! I am so greatful I started to search someone that would help me in this area that I have not been able to get the results that I wanted, thanks from the bottom of my heart.. Life has certain ways of showing you the right path.. do not ignore it. :) just keep going.
brilliant. guys (men) are VERY smart (and not only in a vicious way, to make that clear). on the other hand, women - we - have been brought up to be the stupid ones, not to read the signs, not to be challenging, not to have a good sense of self-love, etc. luckily this is changing... thank you, Matt !! :))
Where were you 30 years ago! I could have used this advice back then. The dating advice has gotten much better then when I was in my 20s. I was so unfortunate to meet a really subtle emotionally abusive person.
Matthew, my dear dear Matthew! The way you put across your thoughts, its so poetic and inspiring. I'm ever so happy to have come across a guy like you, who has such a great heart, so wonderful and simply amazing! Lots of love and more power to you ❤️😘 🤗 - Bhumika
this worked for me perfectly! Thank you Matthew, if this mindset was not settled boldly in me thanks to you, I would not be happily in love now.
I'm so glad I decided to watch to this video because I'm also going through the same situation and the guy I'm interested in is doing the same thing to me. This is some advice I'm definitely going to be taking myself especially since I'll be going on vacation this week. Thank you for always giving such great advice!!
The best idea yet! I feel like my attention needs to shift. I've taken better care to diet , exercise, and feel better. My attraction factor is higher, this is opening the window.
I'm going to open up to a new opportunity.
every girl on the phone sounds the same 😅
Wow I actually cried after watching this, I've been feeling that I'm spending too much time and energy to this person that I'm forgetting that the world is my oyster. Thank you, Matthew x
woah! this video couldnt have been posted at the perfect time! Kinda going through the exact same thing & this has helped me so so much :D
Me too!!! Lol
Amazing video! Made so much sense to me. I know a guy for about a year and I started to really like him, he says that he finds me beautiful and really wants to go out with me but every single time we are about to go out he flakes on me! But what drives me CRAZY and confused is the fact that he ignores my messages for days, weeks, even months and then comes back and do it all again, gives me hope, flakes on me again and disappears again! And I feel like a total fool, but I won't let him do that with me again! Thank u very much, love your videos!
it comes down to knowing you the prize.
Everytime I watch one of Matthew's videos I feel the URGE to tell him how incredibly helpful, charming and elocuent he is! I really hope he knows that🙌🏼
Matt is spilling so much tea rn ☕️
This is what I termed as keeping the windows open I just had a breakup and trust me it really helps ! I have great people who are helping me move on .
Notice, she said that “she’s” the one who’s initiating,… so, this dude wasn’t even asking her out her out! 😳
She sounds so sweet! I hope she finds someone who'd cherish her.
Guys can be just as crafty as women!!, love it!! ♥️♥️♥️
I have seen a few of your videos where you are taking calls and I can see that you genuinely care. You genuinely want to help people and attend to everyone. you put in a lot of work
Damn, this was REAL!
Well said…. I feel like this is something we all know deep down but it’s hard to resist and avoid investing in someone you really like , but if he feels like he can come and go as he pleases he won’t appreciate you, men love scarcity sadly, but I don’t think you we need to go out of our way to show you we have other shit to care about too rather just reciprocate the effort that he puts in
Matthew,you're such an amazing person. you could be an incredible author.i like it how you read men's mind.thank you, i needed this. i always feel guilty to go out with multiple people and hurt by men many times.
I needed to hear this months ago ! Finally got rid of the guy who was doing. This to me ! Great advice Matthew 😍
"Is that ok, that's great, now I am gonna get off the phone and ignore everything you have just said." Hahaha!!! Such a good catch.
I'm in this current situation and I needed this.
Has it occurred to you that all women that he talks to have very similar voices?
+mix0nix all the time! :D
Hmm youre right. Interesting.
+mix0nix YES!!! I thought it was only me because I am not a native english speaker and maybe that's why all voices sounds pretty much the same to me, but now you say it, I totally agree!!!
+Yanina Paula Well, i'm not a native english speaker too xD
+Aurora Mendoza Epic comment :D
“is that makes sense?” I love when he says that
Aaahhh manipulation and power games.... how relationships are built these days 😂
Cerise Dahlia yeah it sucks, i lowkey give up on relationships, everytime im wathing a matthew hussey video i know things arent working anymore
Thank you. I was scrolling through the comments hoping someone would call this advice for what it was. It just makes me despair about re-entering the dating world. 🤦🏻♀️
We should never have to chase anything only our dreams. What's meant to be will find it's way . Easy come easy Go 🙂
Everyone should know self worth and trust.. becoming whole ,by loving yourself and be passionate about your lifestyle.
To much STD.
Aah read something which made sense... Glad to know someone thinks the same. It should be simple not this complex. We are already struggling to make a livelihood in these hard times and you want more stress on top of that? It should be simple like "Hey Cerise I like how you think and you seem interesting. Can we go out for a cup of coffee?" then talk openly without judging and take it to level or else respect the person, save the experience of meeting a unique individual, leave her in peace or stay as friends.
Yup 😂it’s a scam pretty much
Wheb life gets blurry, run to Matthew 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I really do hope she acted on that advise because I know exactly what she’s going through .. I’ve have been in that situation and it turned out he had a girlfriend
Brilliant!! Matthew, not only is your insight spot on, but that damn accent just makes me hang onto every word you say! Thank you for sharing your brilliance with us clueless women of the world!