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Codependecy: My Catholic Past and Catholic Guilt | I Am Judas Project #6
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- Опубликовано: 30 ноя 2020
- Let's talk as I put my laundry away. lol. Many experience Catholic guilt, but how did that really affect my own life and perception of myself? Sometimes we don't see how our environment is really forming us until we try and live away from it.
Here is the website that I used talking about codependency:
psychcentral.c...
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Instagram: / i_am_judas_project
Facebook: / fcpalmquist
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Love your point about people pleasing (including pleasing God). Keep the content coming, your stuff is great!
I don’t think you should call yourself Judas.
You’re a survivor.
It is funny because my dependencies on God is what gets me through...my favorite saint being St. Therese. I was a victim of sspx priest abuse....I tried to forget it and became a nun...was a nun for 4 years and had to leave because the abuse affected me so much...keep these videos coming because it is good to talk about these things and understand why ...even though we may have a different approach now I feel you have a way with understanding and really amazing way to get people to think...
I have been told by priest to just forget...and it never worked...I have to understand I was abused...the priests never helped me...
The videos will keep coming...
Thank you for opening up. I understand going into religion to try and find comfort and purpose... I hope that you have found peace.
Thank you for your comments. 😊😊
There is a lot of criticism in the comments. It really shows the fervor in the belief of Catholics. They think they are doing good, but it is judgement of the path we all must walk on our own. Everyone must find their own way. Someone is going to say "I'm not judging" but but we only try to change things that we judge to be inferior. We all have our own experience. The harder we have loved the more pain we feel to lose. And what is more painful to lose than our whole toolbox of how we deal with the world.
That's a good reflection on the way we become conditioned by our upbringing, it is a psychological fact that our reality is created by our perception and if you're taught to feel shame over every simple thing that is just human nature you're going to become frustrated because the base of your perception is that you're wrong and everything you feel and think is wrong. I'm often amazed to see how people who grow up with a religious background are often taught the betray themselves constantly and that becomes the core of their personal belief system without them even realizing it!
One of my “guidelines “ was the fact that those around me thought the same. If I was unsure about something, I looked at them to know how to react. Leaving the priesthood was a moment when I went against that feeling because it was what was necessary... but more on that later. 😉
Thanks for the comment!!
Yes to all of this! You become conditioned to doubt yourself. It is psychologically damaging, and can be very dangerous, example: Putting up with abuse.
@@PeaceLoveRainbows “You become conditioned to doubt yourself.” An excellent way of putting it. This is exactly what homophobic religion did to me.
I have a question and I hope you will answer it. What is the point of the Judas Project are you hoping to help others through it because you believe there are others like you or is it a way to try and justify what your doing, what you did, speaking out talking about it maybe is a way to feel better about it all. So what is it are you helping yourself or wanting to help others?
Thank you so much for this video. ❤
Francis, I so so so get you. The me ten years ago would have been one of your harshest critics. But changes in my life have given me pause to think-actually THINK. I was raised much like you were (we need to talk about that). Now that my parents actually live with me, I see their behavior through totally different eyes. The biggest revelation for me is to realize that there is a massive difference between RELIGIOUS and HOLY. Also, that religion is supposed to be a means to an end, not the end itself. I know so many religious people, checking off their boxes, while they don’t see how their actions are actually selfish lacks of charity.
"Also, that religion is supposed to be a means to an end, not the end itself".
I think I am finally beginning to realise (and understand what it means) that there are many Christians (Catholic or no) that don't get this at all.
The point of a practicing Faith (I don't like to use the word "Religion"...not that there is absolutely anything wrong with putting it that way) is an actual Friendship with God....as in a Real Friendship - Adam and Eve walking with God in the Garden and chatting! That Friendship is what translates in our Temporal World as "holiness".
@@thekingslady1 “…a practicing Faith (I don't like to use the word "Religion"...not that there is absolutely anything wrong with putting it that way)…” Are you able to say why you dislike the term religion? (I have a particular reason for asking.)
@@MrIvorfan honestly it is more my own Faith issues and hang-ups than anything else. I was raised by a very, very anti-Catholic mother who would micro-manage language in regards to Faith. I was also - at her encouragement and almost-insistence - in the Evangelical Paradigm for many years (I was never really "in" it but that's another story) and Evangelicals are *obsessed* with language use! Looking back, I see there's a tonne of Pharisee-ism in that Paradigm....think "Pharisees trying to trip up Jesus with language".
However, the Catholic Church's heavy respect for The Incarnation is helping me resolve these things. It is OK not to use "perfect" or "correct" or "accurate" even, language with God. That is not what God is looking for at all.
For example, in the Catholic Universe, I hear terms like "help God", "let's help God". My mother would have had a fit over that kind of language....as a matter of fact she did!! I remember her dragging my illiterate Catholic grandmother- who probably didn't even know how to spell her own name - over using that exact kind of language. I *cringe hard* at that memory these days🤪... sometimes it makes me upset.
It's almost like you need to have a minimum high-school education in order to be a "proper Evangelical Christian". Some Evangelical churches I have been to it seems you won't be comfortable there without a Masters Degree. This is not the case at all in the Catholic Church....I have known many illiterate Catholics!
I mean if you really think about it St. Peter helping Christ move the Table at The Last Supper was him "helping God", so nothing stops me from using that language....The Incarnation allows me to do so. The Incarnation allows me to be human and use flawed human language with God.
The point is:- apply the understanding of everything I have explained above to the word "Religion". "Religion" is a Kryptonite word to Evangelicals....they think of it as a "dirty word". Makes them break out in hives. Like, really😅
I didn't buy into most of the Christian Evangelical nonsense I saw all my life, but I was heavily influenced by the Paradigm. So, there.
@@thekingslady1 Thank you for such a fulsome reply! I understand what you are saying: it’s because of your personal past story. You must use what language is most meaningful to you.
One must never forget, however, that the purpose of language is communication - as clearly as is possible, to avoid potential misunderstandings. In recent years it has come about that people frequently use the words “religion” and “faith” as if there were no difference between their meanings. But this is not the case.
Your comment caught my eye because it reminded me that “religion” has been rebranded as “faith”. Theologians, however, distinguish between supernatural and natural faith. One has to have supernatural faith to believe in Catholicism. Yet humanists, for example, have natural faith to believe in what they do. This examples the need for accuracy in thought and word. (Clearly, humanists are in no way religious.) Usually these matters are confined to scholars preoccupied with religious language and the philosophy of religion, with the parishioner in the pew becoming aware of them as and when.
Currently here in the UK “faith schools” is the euphemism favoured to replace the plain English of “religious schools”. This has been done, I say, because the word “religion” now conjures up such negative connotations. I further say that there is indeed micromanagement of language going on, but that it is being done by our politicians. Their aim is to square circles. One indirectly of relevance to Francis is that of religious homophobes wishing to impose their religious bigotry on our secular state school system. (Months of sustained, and sometimes violent, Muslim homophobic protests outside one school in Birmingham were brought to an end only by the intervention of the High Court in London.)
“Religion is supposed to be a means to an end, not the end itself.” A good philosophical point that is so under our noses that sometimes we fail to see it!
Confession is one of those things I think is beautiful in theory but terrible in practice. People make mistakes and sharing that guilt or shame when one is burdened is a beautiful thing. (I was always really touched by the scene in the movie "the Mission" where the priest says that Robert DiNero's decides when his penance is enough, not the priests. Though in retrospect it kind of encourages mortification of the flesh which is a whole other kettle of fish.) But by making confession a ritual and forcing it to be a sacrament with a priest I think you are right that it becomes a codependent relationship and reinforces fear, guilt, and shame.
“Sometimes we don't see how our environment is really forming us until we try and live away from it.” One can see the truth of this in the practice of going on a religious retreat. It works the other way round too, as in your case, when your religious past was tested and found wanting subsequently.
By setting standards that are humanly impossible to attain - even with the supposed existence of supernatural grace - the Catholic Church keeps its confessionals (post-Vatican II, where they still have them) in constant use. The relationship is, as you have indicated, a one-sided - and some would say, abusive - one.
Those of us who have left Catholicism have done so because the readings of its moral compass in our lives did not ring true. Guilt has its proper psychological function, but it is not an abusive one. For my favourite British philosopher, Prof. Anthony Grayling, “The meaning of life is to make life meaningful.” You and I, Francis, as indeed ALL THINKING Catholics, face the same challenge.
Here he is at his most thought-provoking, and please pay special attention to what he says about footballs!:
ruclips.net/video/aY5FcCQ8BIg/видео.html
Same, same, same!
Francis I am wondering where is your family? Mother and father and sibling in your life growing up?
This is how it looks like when someone with a Protestant (i.e. Baptist) mentality tries to interpret and apply Catholic doctrine. If someone ever wondered what was the state of mind of Martin Luther. This was it.
Enlighten everyone and explain why... 🧐🧐🧐
Cus he was suffering from excrupulosity, that is a difficulty to handle his own misery.
A curious quandary. Do you believe you’d have left the faith had you not become a priest?
I think you’re forgetting that it not about our works alone or even faith alone. It’s God’s grace and his spirit working in us that makes us worth it in his eyes. The Catholic religion is still important, but it’s also a relationship with the Divine Master who loved us so much. Can you not see man that Christ himself also experienced the confusing things in this life and yet trusted that Heavenly Father can make a way when there seems to be no way? Can you not see that the trials and temptations of this life is nothing compared to the joy that is ahead of us (Romans 8:18)? Remember man that being a Catholic-Christian while it indeed is a lot of sacrifice but also doing it all with joy having Faith that God’s love can work in us. We are fallen but it’s God’s grace that can make it possible for us to be renewed and find life worth living if we trust in his great Love for us. The decision is yours man, but remember these words from Mother Angelica, “We are all called to become great Saints, don’t miss the opportunity.”
I’m happy that you believe and have chosen your life and are happy with it. Can you not be happy that I am at peace with mine?
“We are fallen but it’s God’s grace that can make it possible for us to be renewed and find life worth living.” Given that Francis gave EVERYthing he had to give to God, how is it that grace was conspicuous by its absence from Francis’ religious life?
Mother Angelica?? EWTN is so fundamentalist and extreme. Talk about a guilt-trip. You can never do anything good enough if you follow the logic on that network.
Does the water actually clean clothes in mexico?
Ha! What is your idea of Mexico?!?
So, with you spending years in the seminary, you would clearly know that your description of the "cycle" of sin, confession and reuniting yourself with God is flat out wrong. You're ignoring significant aspects of that "process" in order to make it fit in with your idea of forced dependency or codependency.
I've kept silent about a lot of the subtle holes in what you are presenting up until now. But, this is so egregious, that I can't ignore it.
This may be how you retroactively felt, but revisionist history is still revisionist. It isn't that I feel one way about religion and you feel another. You were given the correct information in seminary. You are just choosing to ignore it.
I’m sorry you broke your silence for THAT comment... 🥺🥺🥺
@@iamjudasproject unfortunately, Francis, I have found it difficult to take you at your word. Because, either you misled everyone from age 16 and onward until now, or you aren't being completely frank now. The picture that you paint is fraught with inconsistencies.
@@ldeoprecor i have never been Frank... just Francis. I actually despise the name Frank for myself. If you really knew me, you would have known that fact. ☝🏻😌
@@iamjudasproject I'm confused, given that I addressed you as Francis. I did know you. Very well, in fact.
I didn't like your characterization of Catholicism. There are more ways to have sins forgiven other than confession. There are perfect acts of contrition, pious use of sacramentals, indulgences, and prayer. It is because you sinned mortally that you needed auricular confession. Please remember in order for mortal sin to be mortal there has to be gravity, knowledge, and consent! You chose your mortal sins. As we all do. If you say you had no choice then there is not a mortal sin.
Notice how I haven't mentioned the Church. You weren't even part of the official Catholic Church. Please don't blame the Catholic Church when your experience was in a pseudo catholic cult of über traditionalists. Who could survive?
While I disagree with your take on the SSPX, but what you just said besides that I agree. Idk how is guys was formed, but it’s definitely the opposite of my experience in the SSPX including FSSP.
Have you ever thought of just talking to God informally?? Or did you used to do that when you were still a Catholic? Like the way you talk in your videos...maybe even more informal than that.....did you ever try something like that with God?
Or you can write emails to Him and save it in your drafts....not expecting anything....or expecting something....whatever.
Obviously I know you've lost your Faith, but still something to consider (sidenote:- your story is so sad to me :-( .....like a severe crash and burn).
You know, that's the point of The Incarnation.
I find it a little bizarre, the way you equate the supernatural with the natural. It seems you are no longer indifferent to religion, but despise it
Wow!! Harsh claims 😵😵😵
@@iamjudasproject Yes, it was a harsh comment, but you studied philosophy and logic. To compare our relationship with God as something toxic, is an incorrect analogy. I have subscribed to your RUclips. You are criticizing the Faith I love, and hope you return to. I would like to understand your position, but don’t want your criticisms of the Faith. The Catholic Church is full of weak and yes wounded members, just look at the pope. But the Church itself is infallible. Just because its teachings does not suit your lifestyle, does not mean you can change it. You can reject it, as you obviously have, but Christ is King.
@@siennaalexander8902 so why listen, if you just want to critize? I think maybe you are also searching. It's not wrong to think and question. Maybe you can identify with some of what he is saying too.
@@kukulcan9119 hello, Rhonda. Yes, I do tend to disagree with Francis attitude to the Faith, but I am also trying to understand the why. With all the dreadful things he has been through, I think I understand, but wish I could go back and stop certain things that happened . I see that with some people that lose their faith, that I undeRstand the why, such as in his talk today on apostasy. My Father had a dreadful thing happen to him when he was 12, and stopped going to Mass. I would try and argue with him, that the priest was wrong, and a hypocrite, not the Church. Anyway, thank you for your response. I care for Francis and pray for him each day. I think through watching him I have learnt to be more compassionate, and hopefully a better Catholic!