Hi besties! I hope you found this video somewhat helpful! Thanks for being there for me while I have a gender identity crisis 🥺 currently questioning my gender for sure! Let’s chat 💖💖💖
a quick reminder to anyone questioning: u don't need dysphoria to be trans, its more abt the euphoria u experienced when gendered correctly u are loved u are valid u don't have to use labels if u don't want
The sad part is my insurance will only cover SRS if diagnosed with dysphoria. I know I'm transgender and I get chills and excited when reffered by my true self. Tristanna. I'm moving on in my transition now. Working my way to full transition
but consider this. a lot of people who experience what they see as "gender euphoria" when being called by new pronouns may just be experiencing the RUSH of DOING SOMETHING NEW and the idea of stepping into a new identity and life.
There's a youtuber called FlawlessKevin and he uses he/him pronouns, identifies as Non-Binary and has a very feminine expression. I think, he's amazing for being himself so openly and his whole channel is about self-love! I'm commenting this because I think you said that if you try they/them out and don't like it then you may be not Non-Binary. In my opinion, that is false, pronouns are a part of gender expression which can be completely different from gender identity. This is why I gave that example with Kevin. I personally use he/they pronouns, mostly because in my language there is no genderneutral pronoun. That's why he/him is mostly used in my language and then he/they with they being preferred by me in English. I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl. I want my expression to be the one of a male but I am most definitely not. I know that you said that it exists and that it's valid, just wanted to share my own stuff and a small correction. Other than that, amazing video, as always! You've gained like 40k more subscribers from when I subscribed, that's awesome! It doesn't matter what pronouns you use, what name you like or whatever. You are royalty either way!
@@MsDickerz Yup, no problem to me a bit at first as well. Really glad you are so willing to learn more stuff, that proves once again why you would be on my list of life-changing RUclipsrs! I have met many people who weren't willing to learn more and be accepting so I'm really relieved when people I like aren't part of them ^^
I like the definition Hope Bridgers (Georgia Bridgers' sibling) gave in their coming out video on Georgia's channel, that I highly recommend: "When I'm with a group of boys, I don't feel like I'm one of them. When I'm with a group of girls, I don't feel like I'm one of them". To my understanding, "Non-binary" is basically "I'm out of this binary dynamics".
about the gender dysphoria question, I'd describe it as being trapped whenever you shower, get dressed, see yourself in the mirror, etc., you don't see your true self, it feels like I'm trapped in someone else's body I hate it so much, I want to be free but I can't since I'm trapped in a body that doesn't reflect who I am
just to offer another perspective on what dysphoria can feel like - for me it presents as detachment/dissociation. Before I realized I was non binary, I really thought I had a dissociative disorder. My body never felt real, my reflection in the mirror felt like a different person, and the “gendered” parts of my body just felt alien. It wasn’t necessarily painful at the time. It was total numbness, like I just didn’t exist. When I started transitioning it was like I suddenly existed for the first time. Even though the feelings weren’t painful at the time, now knowing what it feels like to feel right in my body means I can never go back.
For me, this is how it breaks down. I absolutely hate gender roles. I don't have any sort of dysphoria and I don't mind the fact that I'm in a female body. I don't like how people just assume that everyone is cisgender and straight. I may choose to try out she/they pronouns down the line. Currently, I'm trying to decide if that's the right thing for me to do or not. Also, my brain works in a genderless way. I've began to describe it as an open floor plan way of thinking vs a house full of closed off rooms way of thinking, lol! I don't feel uncomfortable or wrong when people refer to me using she/her pronouns either. I'm not sure if all of this means I'm non-binary or not but I'm just going to take my time, make the right decisions for me and figure it out eventually. I'm right there with you Dutchy. Thanks so much for making this video, it was very informative and honestly what I needed to see at this point in my life. :)
Feeling this discussion so hard!! 💖I'm AFAB and struggle with distinguishing between my strong dislike of capitalist/white supremacist definitions of femininity and gender roles versus truly feeling nonbinary or gender fluid or trans. Like, do I want to use they/them or she/they pronouns, or do I just really really hate the patriarchy?? Lol. Still working on it, still going by she/her for now.
As an amab who most people fink is just extremely gay. Who doesn't really understand the Nessesity for gender. I don't understand anything about myself.
Ahhhhh helppppp I've been questioning my gender on and off for years. Every time another one of my favorite creators comes out as non-binary or talks about questioning, I start questioning yet again. I'm AFAB and I have wanted short hair for as long as I can remember (finally got it this summer) and I want a deeper voice (definitely not enough to do anything about it though) but I love my curves. I feel connected to being a woman and I don't have dysphoria. I just don't know if I feel ENTIRELY connected to being a woman. I'm comfortable with she/her pronouns as well as maybe they/them, but I feel most connected to the neo-pronouns sie/hir/hirs (which can be pronounced as either she/her/hers or see/hear/hears).
Dutchy, I'm with you all the way! Keara's vid got me the same! She said 'demigirl' and my ears perked up and my heart fluttered. After that I thought back through childhood and so many things clicked!
I've only been questioning my gender for the last month, after just figuring out my sexuality after years. I may or may not be most comfortable with demigirl and using she/they pronouns, but honestly idk. Me and two of my best friends came out on the same day to each other. I came out as bi at the time but now identify as omnisexual, one of them came out as bi and asexual and the other came out as non binary and only liking girls but is now identifying as a gay trans guy. And know idk what my gender is yrgisdbsvjhdbgvwiudbvl
am i the only one who only feels deeply connected to my femininity when i’m being intimate with someone? lmfaoo i think it’s bc that’s when i most acknowledge the body i have
okay now RUclips is just mocking me. (I've been questioning my gender on and off for 4 years and the thoughts got louder again a couple days ago) super excited for this video though.
Haha the same, I've also been questioning for several years (most likely nb, definitely gender-nonconforming at least). Though I'm quite content atm, like I could live my life without ever really being sure. I do experience some dysphoria but it's just manageable and also some noticeable euphoria. I'm just me regardless the label.
I think I may be agender but I feel like I wouldn't deserve to call myself so because I really like "feminine" clothes and my personality aligns with many of the traits that are considered "feminine"
hey, just a reminder that keara uses she/they pronouns! ik you mentioned this a few times but you used only she/her pronouns for them, they’re most comfortable with you using both sets interchangeably also, non-binary does come under the trans umbrella so they can often be the same thing, but this is not the case for everyone i loved the video though! it’s so cool to see you talk abt this on your channel. good luck on your journey and let us know if your pronouns change so we can refer to you correctly :) ps. thank you for answering my question, love you lots xx
I relate SO much with the clothing things, I hate that I have hips and often wear too small bras to make my chest flatter. I LOVE cropped shirts but cant stand if my chest shows (usually). I also hate how women's shirts r so fitted, mens tshirts are so much better
As a child, I was always allowed to dress how I wanted and play with what I wanted. My mother taught me that being a girl only meant I had a certain body - it didn’t mean I had to act a certain way. I remember a boy telling me when I was four, that he thought it was weird that I played with “boy toys” and that maybe I shouldn’t do it. However, I just laughed on the inside, knowing that toys didn’t have a gender and that he was just wrongly informed. I told him that and continued playing with “boy toys” with him. 😂 I think if I had been forced into a feminine role, I would have grown up identifying as non-binary. I also think that if our society decides to divide everyone according to their gender identity, I would choose something in the middle, like non binary. I wouldn’t adhere to femininity. On the other hand, I don’t feel uncomfortable being referred to as a “woman” or “ladies” or “ma’am”. In my head, that only means that they are recognising my biological sex. It doesn’t mean that they are expecting a certain feminine performance from me or that they know my inner self and soul. Maybe you feel that when someone refers to you as “lady”, they expect you to behave in a typical feminine manner or that you are a certain way on the inside? 🧡 I understand the allure of being referred to as “they”, because you sort of feel like a blank slate of paper that you can fill with anything - nothing is expected from you! However, I completely disagree with the idea that pronouns should have the power to describe your internal “essence”. Being referred to as “she” shouldn’t restrict you to being a certain way. You can still be a blank slate of paper, that you can fill with anything! Because as a woman, you can be absolutely anything! Therefore, I will not tell anyone to use they/them pronouns for me. I refuse to be put in a box by “woman” or “she” - those words only recognise the body I was born in - and I won’t give those words power over me by fleeing from them. I hope my story can give you an alternative way to navigate how you feel about your gender identity and our society’s gender norms. My way of dealing with it might not be right for you, but I just wanted to share my story. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 Love, from Sweden 🇸🇪🏳️🌈
This really resonates with me. 🙂 I think a lot of the gendered behaviors, clothes, attitudes, etc people either are drawn to or want to move away from are very related to culture, class, and racial physical attributes. For example, having short hair as a woman in African-American culture is not typically associated with the queer community in the same way having short hair can be for people that don’t have Afro textured hair. It’s a lot of times just seen as a cute hairstyle or a “big chop” when someone is getting rid of relaxer or heat damage. Thanks for sharing your experience as well! 🙂 I totally agree that being a woman should have to mean anything about the way one expresses themselves. 🏳️🌈
I think this is dismissive of people who actually are non-binary and reflects the TERF rhetoric that AFAB non-binary people are just trying to escape the pressures or limitations of womanhood . I promise you that identifying as non-binary doesn’t make anyone’s experience of gender easier to navigate. Non-binary people’s gendered behavior is policed by society way more than cis women’s. It would have been so. much. easier. for me be a cis woman, and I desperately wanted to be. I couldn’t. because something in me, deeply and fundamentally, is not a woman. It is not a label that accurately describes my internal experience. Your comment also equates gendered behavior to gender, a la “since I liked boy things as a kid, if I had been forced into gender roles I would probably be non-binary”. No, you wouldn’t. You would be a cis woman who enjoys stereotypically masculine things. That’s a totally different thing. I’m assigned female, non binary and have no interest in anything stereotypically masculine nor have I ever had an interest in those things. As a kid, I played dress up, I played with dolls. As an adult, I like makeup, hair and fashion. Every single major interest I have is considered feminine by the standards of society, and yet I’m still non-binary. I still can’t make womanhood work for me. As you implied in your comment, your gender as a cis woman is not defined by your tastes and interests. By the same token, neither is ours. We are real and the sentiments you expressed in this comment have the capacity to hurt us.
@@saggguy7 I’m not sure if you’re replying to me or OP, but I think what we’re both saying is that peoples insides/internal concepts of gender are established, developed, and understood differently based on culture and upbringing. For example, my understanding/perception of a short hair cut has different relations to gender and gender expression based on my experience as a Black woman vs what it might mean to someone with straighter hair. Because gender identity is personal and individual, the things, feelings, cultural markers, etc for each person can be different without invalidating someone else’s gender.
I discovered your channel when I first realized I was lesbian in January 2020 and I’ve loved your videos and they’ve all helped me ever since, love you Dutchy :]
I'm a demigirl, and I dress very feminine, but I'm always worried that men think that I dress and present the way I do to fit gender roles... But it's just self expression and I wish ppl would see that 😫😫😫
I watch Ashley Gavin's podcasts and she's talked about how gay people are free from gender roles in a way that straight people aren't. I think this overlaps with nonbinaryness, but it doesn't have to be the same thing. I totally feel you on wanting to shop at boys' sections as a kid and feeling like you can't. There was a reason besides the individual objects being cool, like my favourite colours or something; I also wanted to feel masculinity. I would want chaki pants and feel insecure about wearing them for school. But it felt so good when other kids would compliment me for them; it would feel like they're seeing me for me. That's when my love for fashion and self-expression in that way as an artform began. Mind you clothes express so many more things besides femininity and masculinity. Wearing green expressed my love for nature, wearing skinny jeans my teenage emotionality, military style had something to do with selfcontrol. I have loved making combinations and styling, although I didn't have that much clothes as some more feminine girls. I've known I'm a 'tomboy' since I was 9, and rebelled against gender roles as long as I can remember, but it took until my twenties to realize I'm not heterosexual, and therefore it's my destiny to not follow straight gender and marriage roles. (Because gender roles were mainly designed for traditional arranged marriage)
Aaaaaaaaah, this is great! I'm so glad that you are able to better understand yourself and are getting a better idea of yourself. The questioning phase is definitely the worst, but once you're out of it, the feeling of knowing is just...amazing. One thing that I'd like to point out though, idk what Keara prefers, but people with multiple sets of pronouns have different ways that they like to be referred. Some people prefer that the sets be alternated (Eg - She has beautiful earrings. I wish they'd tell me where they found them. Her sense of style is sublime.) while other prefer to have different amounts of the sets sprinkled in, depending on their preferred set (this would end up creating a stark difference between she/they and they/she). My point being, while you were being so great with how you explained things and everything, yet I felt that you sort of left behind the 'they' part of Keara's pronouns. But yeah, love your videos, love your personality, and I'm so glad you're getting in touch with yourself.
Friendly reminder that gender dysphoria can come up in several ways. It can be physical, like not being comfortable in your body, it can be mental, when you feel you don't align with your assigned gender in your head, and it can be societal, for example not wanting to be perceived as your assigned gender by other people. You might feel all of these, or none of these, you are still valid :)
I love you, Dutchy!! I’m not non-binary but I loved hearing and learning about it!!! You’re honestly my idol.. What pronouns do you use as of right now? I don’t wanna disrespect you in any way! 🥺🥰
I’m trans ftm and it’s ok to not know your identity yet :) it took me a good year of going from non binary to gender fluid to non binary again and then me finding myself and working out I’m a trans dude :> I am sorta questioning bc I’m scared of being me and others reaction but I know I am trans and when you find your identity you WILL know. it’ll just click so don’t worry about labelling. try not to stress too much on what you identify bc it’ll come to you eventually
hi thanks for making this video. It helps a lot, like A LOT. I'm a teenager and for about a month I've been confused about my gender. I am afab but I dont feel like one sometimes (i dont feel like a guy either). I HATE wearing dresses and skirts and my school uniform (sadly its an skirt) and I feel uncomfortable when someones says to me "as a girl you should... and bla bla" I JUST DONT FEEL CONFORTABLE WITH IT. One year ago, when I was 12 I realized I liked girls and it was so confusing and it took me a long time to accept it and there were moments where I was not confortable with liking girls and I was not comfortable with myself and I dont want to go through that again (only difference would be that this time it would be with gender). So yeah thanks this video has cleared things a bit. If you could maybe talk about non binary a bit more, it would help a lot :))
I think that I may be agender but I feel like I wouldn't deserve to call myself so because I really like "feminine" clothes and my personality aligns with many of the traits that are considered "feminine". I don't wanna be a fraud so idk what to do
Oh my god . I can't believe I'm seeing all my old favorite youtubers coming out and questioning their gender,it makes me feel so validated . I've been watching keara for nearly 4 years now dating back to being in my baby gay phase haha . They are an incredible person who I adore and look up to so much I have soooo much respect for her and am proud of how far she's come on this journey I can relate to so much of what you both said, I hated dressing feminine growing up, wish I didn't have boobs ,feel dysphoria enough to want to present masculine or androgynous but not to be a man . I'm happy with most of my body but dislike the curves that come on a "female" assigned figure on myself ,I often hide my hair under beanies to look less like a girl,I wear baggy clothes that are men's or unisex . The only feminine clothing I wear is underwear(as I recently discovered I'm allergic to boxers) and pyjamas . Sometimes I think about changing my name legally to something gender neutral,I've gone by the name Tama online since I first got RUclips which was back in 2015 or something now sheesh ! On the very rare occasion I want to present feminine with the masculine chest and shoulders I have it makes me feel like a guy in women's clothing(which by no means is a bad thing but its very confusing to me and my gender) Also the word woman makes me ridiculously uncomfortable,any kind of feminine gendered terms do tbh,but then i don't want to be referred to as a man,or male,although male terms like sir and dude and bro feel a lot more gender neutral to me and blur those lines in the binary 🤷♀️ This is hella hella long I'm sorry lmao Anyway yeah thank you to you,Keara,Jessie Paege and so many others for helping me feel validated and seen and heard because sometimes it feels like I have to hide this part of myself from everyone 🖤🖤🖤🖤
I literally agree with you soooooo much! I've been questioning my gender a lot recently, and seem to feel a lot like you. What do you identify with? I think this whole post feels a lot like what I am struggling with. Thanks!
@@g.w.y.n. sorry for replying so ridiculously late haha I dont really identify with any specific labels anymore I just know I'm not a woman or man 😅 nonbinary feels better but idk I kinda just vibe with no gender more,I hope you're doing okay
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed this video because I’ve been questioning my gender and I’ve been thinking I’m non binary and it’s been stressful to say the least. So thank you again for making this video because it definitely helped me!
Thanks it was really helpful somewhat. I do hate the fact that clothes are gendered and stereotyped. I don't dislike my body but I would like to be more neutral and fit everything. I'm a plus size woman but I don't care of my gender much. I do love to experiment but I'm still confused if it's a gender crisis or just a form of expression.
I watched ur channel when I was questioning my Sexuality and you helped me determine I was bisexual. Now I'm questioning my gender and I come here and you're doing the same. We're in this together bestie
I recently was asked by one of my friends what my pronouns were and this time instead of she/her (my usual answer) I said she/they. I remember when she referred to me as they in a sentence and freezing. I froze and just sat there for a second. I had never actually heard someone reffer to me as they before. It felt really nice, weird, and new. After, some of my other friends started using both she and they, it made me feel good. I still don't know if I'm nonbinary or if I'm something else but atm just finding a new pronoun that feels nice is good enough for me 😁
I can relate to what some people have said here. Finding the term demigirl helped so much when I was first figuring out if I was non-binary or not. It allowed me to feel comfortable with questioning everything because I didn't fully feel like I was a girl, but I also knew I wasn't a guy. It allowed me to feel the feeling of "girl + ????"', and finding comfort in just sitting in the unknown for a while, as well as knowing demigirl was a term under the non-binary label. I'm currently still figuring out what specific term I identify with (and I might still identify with the term demigirl), but it was something that started my whole questioning my gender to begin with. I also really felt comfortable with the term non-binary and looking at it as an umbrella label too. Where it means not always a guy, and not always a girl. That also helped me. For pronouns, the pronouns I use are they/she. I put 'they' first because that is what I prefer to hear most of the time, but I don't mind 'she' being used as well. That is also partly the reason why I still partially identify with the term demigirl. Purely just language wise, and not exactly presentation. I dress more on the neutral/masculine side of things and I was blessed enough to be able to get top surgery. I also have been going by Serr online, and with my super close friends. It started out as a nickname from Sarah, and then I decided to shorten it to sound like 'ser' - the spanish word for 'to be'. I like the idea of just existing and being without someone trying to label you as a certain gender. Well, I hope this kind of helped. If not you Dutchy, then someone else reading this comment. This is all still sort of new to me as well, because I just figured this out a little over a year ago.
I understand what you are saying. I am nonbinary. I was born male, but I haven't worn men's clothing in years, and I hate body hair. At the same time, I still present as male and have no plans to transition right now, and I will never go the medical route. A big part of that is my size. I would never be able to pass, so it is easier for me to stay the way I am. I would give anything to have a figure though, lol.
Lol thank you so much for this video! It’s really feeling so nice to hear this, especially since I’m in a bit of a gender crisis right now and it’s really confusing and this really made me feel more at peace. Still like being comfy in my body with she/her, but I might want to try they/them even though I feel kinda neutral bout it. I hope you solve your gender crisis too!
At the Moment I'm questioning my gender. I'm assigned female at birth, but I just never really felt comfortable among the girls, and I always rather wanted to be with the guys. I just love being with them in school break (and not in a "they are cute, I want to spend time with them!" way, just in a "I belong to them" way), and I hate when I'm just categorizest as a girl. I love being called boyish, or getting called a guy. I try out he/him and she/her pronouns at the moment, but no one call me he/him, I'm only out of the closet to my three closed friends, and they can only use he/him when we are alone, but we just never are. I don't want to tell anyone else, and not the people in my school 'cause I'm just really afraid that they would bully me and stuff, you know. I also don't want to tell my parents. As I told my younger sister that she can also use he/him on me, she was like: "You just want to be cooler in front of your online friends" and it really hurt me, so I'm so afraid of tell someone other. But I'm akward with the thought being in a males body. I want a deeper voice, I really want this, and I don't want my breasts. But I don't really have gender dysphoria, but I really preffer being seen as a guy. I have the luck, that my parents just let me be like I wanna be, they let me dress how I want, they let me go shopping in the boys section and stuff, and I'm so happy about it. I like to dress like a boy, for example, I really love to wear neckties and suits, and I just hate dresses. But I'm just so unsure about who I am. I'm still so young, and so afraid of what my journey will lead me to. But always when I see someone in a dress, my heart just begins to beating, and then this question pops up in my head: Do I want this? Or am I just attracted to things like this (because I'm pan)? Are my feelings fake? I also thought about try out diffrent names, but I have the problem, that I have no one who would call me this, because, like I said before, I'm still in the closet to kinda everyone. And I also haven't find a name that I feel like would fit me. And I also have a problem with my hair. My hair is so damn long! And I hate this shit on my head. Can't it just be shorter? But I can't cut my hair myself, and other people are all like: "I won't cut your hair, it's too beautiful" It makes me so uncomfortable. I try out other hair styles at home, but my hair is way too long for diffrent styles. And I just don't have anyone to talk to, I know a agender and trans person, but I only meet them super rare, sometimes in school in break. I want to talk to them, I want to talk to the trans girl about how she felt, how her dysphoria felt and stuff. And I also want to talk to the agender person about their experiance and how they came out to the people and stuff. They also changed their name, and only some teachers call them by their deadname now. And I want to know how they just got it so far, I also want to get so far. I know, no one cares for what I write here, but it is so freeing to write all this down here, and I would really enjoy your answers and stuff! Sorry if there are mistakes in my text, my english is not super good, i'm a native german speaker
the ask saying "i don't identify with non binary but also don't identify with my agab" a label you may want to look into is demi-boy or demi-girl where you vibe with being a guy or a girl, but you also feel like you're a little bit of something else. Whether that be nonbinary or just some unnamable gender also, i noticed she said trans and non binary are different things, and that's true, but i wanted to add, a lot of nonbinary people also identify with being trans. it's really just a personal preference if you're nonbinary if you identify with being trans. and, you can be non binary and use whatever pronouns you feel comfortable with. there are no rules there. you can be non binary but only use he/him and that doesn't make you any less nonbinary. you can also use neo pronouns (ze/zem/zir etc) or you can use any/all pronouns. whatever makes you feel comfortable!
We loved watching this being a straight male i love wearing womens clothes formal office wear long straight fitted dresses and skirts with pantyhose my girlfriend loves doing my makeup putting a wig on me and a dress
Dutchy I know the struggle. I went through a gender crisis for over a year and tbh I still don’t know what I am. I know I use he/they/it/vey/glitch pronouns but what gender matches that, I don’t know 🤷🏽 but you are awesome and we will support you all the way with no matter what you identify with ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m out as bisexual atm but definitely thinking I’m more of a lesbian now leaning on the softer side of butch and questioning my gender and my mom says she supports me for who I am, however she doesn’t let me dress or cut my hair the way I like. Like I have a mixture of feminine and masculine tendencies like I’ll wear a dress from time to time but I really like wearing flannels, button down shirts and beanies and whenever I wear one my mom always criticizes it saying I look “manly” and to “dress more feminine”. I have a lot of trouble speaking up when I feel like I’m being mistreated, but I really want to confront her about this. Any tips or ideas would be greatly appreciated.
@@elineivens not yet which is annoying but I know that she finds using theythem pronouns strange cause she only sees it as a plural instead of a pronoun. But we’ll see, my sister uses my preferred pronouns though :)
Hii dutchy!!! I love ur vidss! I'm a demigirl. Female and nonbinary. But there's a sort of weird uncomfortable feeling I get when ppl call me a girl. I'm not only nonbinary tho. I like she/her, but I don't like it at the same time?? Idk it's weird.. I think it might be bc no one acknowledges my nonbinary gender but always acknowledges my female gender, but idk, idk. I'm also sick of ppl calling ppl who are multi-gendered by only the pronoun they're most comfortable using.. If you don't say all the pronouns, you're still mis-gendering them.. But ppl aren't ready for that one yet. 👀 Edit: to end on a wholesome note, me and my aunt went to a store to get me some shoes, and my feet were too big to fit the women's shoes. We ended up going in the men's section, and I fit a 10 in men's... I wasn't even embarrassed bc I felt so euphoric for wearing men's shoes! I felt so androgynous I- I still love those damn shoes.. 😊👀
Bestie you helped me so much in my acceptance of myself, and i just recently figured out I’m non binary gender fluid (basically i am primarily non binary with my gender fluidity although i do fluctuate)! And you have helped me so much with it!
So I'm coming back to this video after watching it for the first time months ago. I thought I didn't really experience clothing based dysphoria, but then I remembered that I mostly went to schools that had uniforms. The majority of the time, I was in a school that forced me to wear skirts, and I remember praying I'd go to a school without uniforms one day so I could finally have my jeans back. But at some point in middle school, I went to a different school with a uniform, but that uniform had pants, even for the girls, and as much as I hated everything else about the school, I almost wanted to stay if only so I could continue wearing pants to school. That being said, I also LOVE long hair on women and femme presenting individuals, and as such, I love having long hair myself. I have dredlocks that are very long now, and I love them now that they're the length I like, but back when I first got them, I absolutely despised them for how short they were, and I remember using the ribbon that comes with balloons to try and make a hair bow because I hoped it would make me look more girly despite how short my hair was. So I think I've experienced dysphoria a little bit here and there and didn't really have a word to put to it. That said, the uniform thing may have just been a matter of not being allowed to choose what I wore depending on how I felt, because I really enjoy sundresses and other really flowy, pretty things like that now. I don't always wear them, but I do very much enjoy them if they fit and/or flow just right. ^^ Also, I really needed to hear the phrase "You can absolutely be nonbinary and a girl" for reasons I may elaborate on later, so thank you. ^^
Thanks for this vid. I want to know about this coz i've been observing my bestfriend's social media status/posts and identifying herself nonbinary. Thank you! ☺️
I love this video and I'm so proud of you for exploring your gender, it took me a long time to figure my gender out and i identify as nonbinary now but that might change and I'm still not entirely sure
Also you said being nonbinary and trans are two different things which is kinda true but nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella which has two categories, binary trans (so mtf and ftm) people and nonbinary trans people. Not every nonbinary person identifies as trans but some do. I might not be completely right so sorry if this is wrong
Love u Dutchy! Dang your timing is fantastic! The important thing to know about non binary people is that not all have the same definition that makes them non binary. Each non binary gender can be a little bit different. Here’s my example: I recently learned I identify as both non binary and gender fluid. (Just need to work up the guts to tell my girlfriend) I get dysphoria being stuck male or female or even both at the same time. Yet somehow I know I’m both. But the masculine and feminine need to be balanced out with non binary. Together each gender completes me. I’m happy being male as long as non binary is right there along side it. The same goes for female. because of relating to gender fluid people I realized I have more then one gender. (That still fluctuates mildly) But the title of non binary ties it all together and wraps it up for Christmas 🎁 Does any else have a unique meaning to their gender? Sharing stories is a great way to help others who don’t know for themselves yet
pants and tees have seperate gendered sections because of the way clothes fit... it's biological. If I was to wear clothes from the mens section, they just wouldn't fit properly in ANY way. The issue is the way that colours and styles are assigned to men vs women. We need more patterned and coloured prints in the men's section, and more block coloured, masculine looking clothing in the women's section.
You've helped me in the past a lil bit to know that I was bisexual but I'm pansexual now and right before bed my brain decided to wonder about my gender identity I've always known myself as a he but I'm not sure what I identify as
I just came out transgender. Been talking with a therapist and she asked my pronouns. She was going to make them they/them. Yet I went she, her. Working on moving onto hormones and surgery. Officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I can move on. I will start my own videos as I start my transition
Hey! I just had this little question, I've been identifying as a girl my whole life (I'm still very young but you know) and lately I did some research and I think I'm genderfluid but I still wonder something, does you gender has anything to do with what gender you'd like to be, like I'm afab but as long as I remember, I always wanted to be a boy really bad. Idk I'm kinda going through a gender crisis too and I'm very lost. But the video was really interesting and I hope u and everyone who is reading this comment is going to figure out who they are and feel good about it 🫶🏻
I feel as though you match up closest to a gender field person, but don't quote me on that. Try wearing a binder on the days you feel more "boyish", and experiment with someone you trust in terms of pronouns. I'm an AFAB nonbinary/transmasc person who just recently came out to myself (known since I knew what trans was). I know I'm young, but you've helped me so much in the past with self acceptance that I figured I might try to give a few tips that could help. Edit: Yeah, wow. Relate to a lot of the stuff you say. Definitely try out those pronouns pal, and just remember that you don't need to race at figuring this out. It takes time and that's ok. We are here if you need more advice, and I'm certainly willing to give what advice I can. My preferred name is James, I can't change my profile name because my mom is highly unaccepting. Wish you best of luck, and feel free to ask more questions down the line. Idk, this is just a memory I have, but it's definitely a lil trans guy thing Specifically remember in my pre- puberty period hoping to never develop breasts. That has evolved into pretty bad top dysphoria, I literally can't be in a place where my social anxiety isn't the primary irritant without a binder on, it's such a yucky feeling. Gender dysphoria isn't always that bad though, I know someone who is enby but barely has any dysphoria.
pls if I had to explain how I'm feeling I would say exactly same things about boobs and clothes I'm happy I can relate to you bc thinking about how I feel with my body is sometimes confusing af bought a binder today to wear from time to time when I want to look more masculine hope it fits haha
I guess I am the flipside. I would wear a dress or skirt every day if I could, but my family would freak out. I get the "it's too tight, or that's too short" treatment all the time, lol.
I’m in deep reflection myself, I’m AFAB but honestly I don’t really connect with being a woman. It’s like a fun costume for me, dressing femme and doing makeup and nails it’s like a literal costume and a character to me…Being more masc feels like home. My true self, but I’m way too afraid to go for it.
16:50 there are places on Reddit and certain Discord servers which have a dedicated “pronouns tryout” section. Also, your pronouns don’t have to be limited to she/he/they, you can try out neopronouns too! I personally use ae/aer and she/her.
I have never felt like a girl nor a boy but I have always said that I was just the opposite of a boy like I was either between or not even on the spectrum. I've always identified as a lesbian but then I realized that sexuality and gender identity are different. I've always been called she/her but I don't feel like it's me so I trying using different pronouns and finding out what suited me. So here I am. Hello my name is Parker and I use she/they pronouns and it's nice to meet all of you.
hi guys! idk if u remember (probably not) but a while ago I would comment jokes! I changed my name but I’m back with a joke! ya know being queer isn’t always a riot-unless we’re talking about Stonewall k bye 💛
I have never understood the pronoun issue. I am both. People can use whatever they want to. If I worry about that kind of stuff, it leaves an opening for people to hurt me. I have more important things to get upset over. I know I'm in the minority, but I know a lot of people in my life will never see me as anything but a man, so as long as I am able to find happiness in who I am, that is all the matters to me.
i am a lesbian and still Closeted and probably will always be cause my parents won't accept that and i don't wanna lose their love please tell me what to do, how can i make them accept that and stop being homophobic? Help me please 😔
is it just me that knows their pronouns but not their gender? cuz like i use all pronouns but i’m not sure if i can be gender fluid because i’m not a man i only like identify i guess as a woman and non-binary but i just like the pronouns he him but not the gender. does anyone know what gender identity that would be called lol
Hey, just wanted to ask on ways I could tell if I am a demigirl, or nonbinary. I'm not entirely sure yet, and wanted to know how nonbinary and demigender people felt similarly and differently. Thanks! Love yall!
Hi besties! I hope you found this video somewhat helpful! Thanks for being there for me while I have a gender identity crisis 🥺 currently questioning my gender for sure! Let’s chat 💖💖💖
Hello :)
I’m also questioning my gender, this video came at the perfect time.
@@chaoticdemonpunk 💖💖
@@sophi_pbbj2264 hiii :-)))
a quick reminder to anyone questioning:
u don't need dysphoria to be trans, its more abt the euphoria u experienced when gendered correctly
u are loved
u are valid
u don't have to use labels if u don't want
yes yes yes
thank you
that is actually really helpful, thank you! i love you
The sad part is my insurance will only cover SRS if diagnosed with dysphoria. I know I'm transgender and I get chills and excited when reffered by my true self. Tristanna. I'm moving on in my transition now. Working my way to full transition
but consider this. a lot of people who experience what they see as "gender euphoria" when being called by new pronouns may just be experiencing the RUSH of DOING SOMETHING NEW and the idea of stepping into a new identity and life.
There's a youtuber called FlawlessKevin and he uses he/him pronouns, identifies as Non-Binary and has a very feminine expression. I think, he's amazing for being himself so openly and his whole channel is about self-love!
I'm commenting this because I think you said that if you try they/them out and don't like it then you may be not Non-Binary. In my opinion, that is false, pronouns are a part of gender expression which can be completely different from gender identity. This is why I gave that example with Kevin.
I personally use he/they pronouns, mostly because in my language there is no genderneutral pronoun. That's why he/him is mostly used in my language and then he/they with they being preferred by me in English. I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl. I want my expression to be the one of a male but I am most definitely not. I know that you said that it exists and that it's valid, just wanted to share my own stuff and a small correction.
Other than that, amazing video, as always! You've gained like 40k more subscribers from when I subscribed, that's awesome! It doesn't matter what pronouns you use, what name you like or whatever. You are royalty either way!
Thanks so much for this info!! That makes so much sense! As I said, still learning 🥰 and thanks for sharing your personal info with us!!
@@MsDickerz Yup, no problem to me a bit at first as well. Really glad you are so willing to learn more stuff, that proves once again why you would be on my list of life-changing RUclipsrs! I have met many people who weren't willing to learn more and be accepting so I'm really relieved when people I like aren't part of them ^^
Exactly, a cisgender girl could use he/him pronouns and dress masc while still identifying as a woman. They’re two different things.
thank you omg i’m literally having a gender crisis.
same
same bestie!! we’re in this together
@@MsDickerz ahhh dutchy i didn’t expect you to reply!!
Same I think I might be non-binary but I’m not sure even tho I have it as my pfp
been there done that
I love how dutchy did different types of iconic bisexual sitting positions throughout the video
Hahaha without even trying my lawddd
I like the definition Hope Bridgers (Georgia Bridgers' sibling) gave in their coming out video on Georgia's channel, that I highly recommend: "When I'm with a group of boys, I don't feel like I'm one of them. When I'm with a group of girls, I don't feel like I'm one of them". To my understanding, "Non-binary" is basically "I'm out of this binary dynamics".
about the gender dysphoria question, I'd describe it as being trapped
whenever you shower, get dressed, see yourself in the mirror, etc., you don't see your true self, it feels like I'm trapped in someone else's body
I hate it so much, I want to be free but I can't since I'm trapped in a body that doesn't reflect who I am
That makes sense! I’m so sorry you feel that way!!
just to offer another perspective on what dysphoria can feel like - for me it presents as detachment/dissociation. Before I realized I was non binary, I really thought I had a dissociative disorder. My body never felt real, my reflection in the mirror felt like a different person, and the “gendered” parts of my body just felt alien. It wasn’t necessarily painful at the time. It was total numbness, like I just didn’t exist. When I started transitioning it was like I suddenly existed for the first time. Even though the feelings weren’t painful at the time, now knowing what it feels like to feel right in my body means I can never go back.
For me, this is how it breaks down. I absolutely hate gender roles. I don't have any sort of dysphoria and I don't mind the fact that I'm in a female body. I don't like how people just assume that everyone is cisgender and straight. I may choose to try out she/they pronouns down the line. Currently, I'm trying to decide if that's the right thing for me to do or not. Also, my brain works in a genderless way. I've began to describe it as an open floor plan way of thinking vs a house full of closed off rooms way of thinking, lol! I don't feel uncomfortable or wrong when people refer to me using she/her pronouns either. I'm not sure if all of this means I'm non-binary or not but I'm just going to take my time, make the right decisions for me and figure it out eventually. I'm right there with you Dutchy. Thanks so much for making this video, it was very informative and honestly what I needed to see at this point in my life. :)
Thank you so much for this!
This makes so much sense and I relate to a lot of that thank you!!
i think you could relate to agender ppl!
Feeling this discussion so hard!! 💖I'm AFAB and struggle with distinguishing between my strong dislike of capitalist/white supremacist definitions of femininity and gender roles versus truly feeling nonbinary or gender fluid or trans. Like, do I want to use they/them or she/they pronouns, or do I just really really hate the patriarchy?? Lol. Still working on it, still going by she/her for now.
I can relate to this so much!
"Capitalism is when woman"
Totally relate to this 😣
As an amab who most people fink is just extremely gay. Who doesn't really understand the Nessesity for gender. I don't understand anything about myself.
I just don't like pronouns so its all good
Ahhhhh helppppp I've been questioning my gender on and off for years. Every time another one of my favorite creators comes out as non-binary or talks about questioning, I start questioning yet again. I'm AFAB and I have wanted short hair for as long as I can remember (finally got it this summer) and I want a deeper voice (definitely not enough to do anything about it though) but I love my curves. I feel connected to being a woman and I don't have dysphoria. I just don't know if I feel ENTIRELY connected to being a woman. I'm comfortable with she/her pronouns as well as maybe they/them, but I feel most connected to the neo-pronouns sie/hir/hirs (which can be pronounced as either she/her/hers or see/hear/hears).
I feel this so hard eep
I can relate to this so much!
Dutchy, I'm with you all the way! Keara's vid got me the same! She said 'demigirl' and my ears perked up and my heart fluttered. After that I thought back through childhood and so many things clicked!
Yessss!!! Same
I've only been questioning my gender for the last month, after just figuring out my sexuality after years. I may or may not be most comfortable with demigirl and using she/they pronouns, but honestly idk. Me and two of my best friends came out on the same day to each other. I came out as bi at the time but now identify as omnisexual, one of them came out as bi and asexual and the other came out as non binary and only liking girls but is now identifying as a gay trans guy. And know idk what my gender is yrgisdbsvjhdbgvwiudbvl
am i the only one who only feels deeply connected to my femininity when i’m being intimate with someone? lmfaoo i think it’s bc that’s when i most acknowledge the body i have
that makes so much sense honestly
Ooh I feel this actually
I hope your crisis doesn't take too long and u start feeling more comfortable with yourself
thank you angel!!
@@MsDickerz :)
okay now RUclips is just mocking me. (I've been questioning my gender on and off for 4 years and the thoughts got louder again a couple days ago)
super excited for this video though.
Haha the same, I've also been questioning for several years (most likely nb, definitely gender-nonconforming at least). Though I'm quite content atm, like I could live my life without ever really being sure. I do experience some dysphoria but it's just manageable and also some noticeable euphoria. I'm just me regardless the label.
I don't really care about my labels anymore, I just wish my emotions weren't so confusing sometimes
Verrry interesting! I’m a lil psychic I guess ✨
Me questioning my gender.
Dutchy:
Yesssss
I’m here for you!!!
I think I may be agender but I feel like I wouldn't deserve to call myself so because I really like "feminine" clothes and my personality aligns with many of the traits that are considered "feminine"
@@martinacalcagno2126 Demigirl?
I love being a girl and i feel comfortable being a girl but idk at the same time i just wanna be this genderless feminine person
And I just kind of want to be an androgynous girl😭
LITERALLY ME OMG
Yuhhhh!
I agree
I will be watching this after work! Luckily I am no longer sick, but today is short so I can get to this on time hopefully! Love you Queen 💗
I’m so glad you’re feeling better!! Love you too 💖💖
hey, just a reminder that keara uses she/they pronouns! ik you mentioned this a few times but you used only she/her pronouns for them, they’re most comfortable with you using both sets interchangeably
also, non-binary does come under the trans umbrella so they can often be the same thing, but this is not the case for everyone
i loved the video though! it’s so cool to see you talk abt this on your channel. good luck on your journey and let us know if your pronouns change so we can refer to you correctly :)
ps. thank you for answering my question, love you lots xx
thank you Abi!! yess someone else mentioned this, all a learning curve! :)
yesss for sure! thank you so much! will do!
I relate SO much with the clothing things, I hate that I have hips and often wear too small bras to make my chest flatter. I LOVE cropped shirts but cant stand if my chest shows (usually). I also hate how women's shirts r so fitted, mens tshirts are so much better
yessss agreed!!
As a child, I was always allowed to dress how I wanted and play with what I wanted. My mother taught me that being a girl only meant I had a certain body - it didn’t mean I had to act a certain way. I remember a boy telling me when I was four, that he thought it was weird that I played with “boy toys” and that maybe I shouldn’t do it. However, I just laughed on the inside, knowing that toys didn’t have a gender and that he was just wrongly informed. I told him that and continued playing with “boy toys” with him. 😂
I think if I had been forced into a feminine role, I would have grown up identifying as non-binary. I also think that if our society decides to divide everyone according to their gender identity, I would choose something in the middle, like non binary. I wouldn’t adhere to femininity.
On the other hand, I don’t feel uncomfortable being referred to as a “woman” or “ladies” or “ma’am”. In my head, that only means that they are recognising my biological sex. It doesn’t mean that they are expecting a certain feminine performance from me or that they know my inner self and soul. Maybe you feel that when someone refers to you as “lady”, they expect you to behave in a typical feminine manner or that you are a certain way on the inside? 🧡
I understand the allure of being referred to as “they”, because you sort of feel like a blank slate of paper that you can fill with anything - nothing is expected from you! However, I completely disagree with the idea that pronouns should have the power to describe your internal “essence”. Being referred to as “she” shouldn’t restrict you to being a certain way. You can still be a blank slate of paper, that you can fill with anything! Because as a woman, you can be absolutely anything! Therefore, I will not tell anyone to use they/them pronouns for me. I refuse to be put in a box by “woman” or “she” - those words only recognise the body I was born in - and I won’t give those words power over me by fleeing from them.
I hope my story can give you an alternative way to navigate how you feel about your gender identity and our society’s gender norms. My way of dealing with it might not be right for you, but I just wanted to share my story. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Love, from Sweden 🇸🇪🏳️🌈
This really resonates with me. 🙂 I think a lot of the gendered behaviors, clothes, attitudes, etc people either are drawn to or want to move away from are very related to culture, class, and racial physical attributes. For example, having short hair as a woman in African-American culture is not typically associated with the queer community in the same way having short hair can be for people that don’t have Afro textured hair. It’s a lot of times just seen as a cute hairstyle or a “big chop” when someone is getting rid of relaxer or heat damage.
Thanks for sharing your experience as well! 🙂 I totally agree that being a woman should have to mean anything about the way one expresses themselves. 🏳️🌈
I think this is dismissive of people who actually are non-binary and reflects the TERF rhetoric that AFAB non-binary people are just trying to escape the pressures or limitations of womanhood . I promise you that identifying as non-binary doesn’t make anyone’s experience of gender easier to navigate. Non-binary people’s gendered behavior is policed by society way more than cis women’s. It would have been so. much. easier. for me be a cis woman, and I desperately wanted to be. I couldn’t. because something in me, deeply and fundamentally, is not a woman. It is not a label that accurately describes my internal experience.
Your comment also equates gendered behavior to gender, a la “since I liked boy things as a kid, if I had been forced into gender roles I would probably be non-binary”. No, you wouldn’t. You would be a cis woman who enjoys stereotypically masculine things. That’s a totally different thing. I’m assigned female, non binary and have no interest in anything stereotypically masculine nor have I ever had an interest in those things. As a kid, I played dress up, I played with dolls. As an adult, I like makeup, hair and fashion. Every single major interest I have is considered feminine by the standards of society, and yet I’m still non-binary. I still can’t make womanhood work for me.
As you implied in your comment, your gender as a cis woman is not defined by your tastes and interests. By the same token, neither is ours.
We are real and the sentiments you expressed in this comment have the capacity to hurt us.
@@saggguy7 I’m not sure if you’re replying to me or OP, but I think what we’re both saying is that peoples insides/internal concepts of gender are established, developed, and understood differently based on culture and upbringing. For example, my understanding/perception of a short hair cut has different relations to gender and gender expression based on my experience as a Black woman vs what it might mean to someone with straighter hair. Because gender identity is personal and individual, the things, feelings, cultural markers, etc for each person can be different without invalidating someone else’s gender.
I discovered your channel when I first realized I was lesbian in January 2020 and I’ve loved your videos and they’ve all helped me ever since, love you Dutchy :]
Aww thanks so much lovely! Glad my videos could help you in some way!! Love you too!
As a person who’s already Non-Binary I can’t wait to watch this💜✨
How did I do? 🥺🥺
Same!
@@MsDickerz omg you did SO GOOD!!!! The feelings you described were really relatable to me when i was discovering myself as non binary!
Trans and Non-binary are Umbrella terms. I’m genderfluid but I like to call myself non-binary because I’m not exclusive male or female
Yessss!
Same
I'm a demigirl, and I dress very feminine, but I'm always worried that men think that I dress and present the way I do to fit gender roles... But it's just self expression and I wish ppl would see that 😫😫😫
Yesss I feel this!!!
Duchy is criminally underrated
Bless thank you 🥺🥺
@@MsDickerz 🙏remember me when ur famous 🥺💖💖
I watch Ashley Gavin's podcasts and she's talked about how gay people are free from gender roles in a way that straight people aren't. I think this overlaps with nonbinaryness, but it doesn't have to be the same thing.
I totally feel you on wanting to shop at boys' sections as a kid and feeling like you can't. There was a reason besides the individual objects being cool, like my favourite colours or something; I also wanted to feel masculinity. I would want chaki pants and feel insecure about wearing them for school. But it felt so good when other kids would compliment me for them; it would feel like they're seeing me for me. That's when my love for fashion and self-expression in that way as an artform began. Mind you clothes express so many more things besides femininity and masculinity. Wearing green expressed my love for nature, wearing skinny jeans my teenage emotionality, military style had something to do with selfcontrol. I have loved making combinations and styling, although I didn't have that much clothes as some more feminine girls. I've known I'm a 'tomboy' since I was 9, and rebelled against gender roles as long as I can remember, but it took until my twenties to realize I'm not heterosexual, and therefore it's my destiny to not follow straight gender and marriage roles. (Because gender roles were mainly designed for traditional arranged marriage)
Aaaaaaaaah, this is great!
I'm so glad that you are able to better understand yourself and are getting a better idea of yourself. The questioning phase is definitely the worst, but once you're out of it, the feeling of knowing is just...amazing.
One thing that I'd like to point out though, idk what Keara prefers, but people with multiple sets of pronouns have different ways that they like to be referred. Some people prefer that the sets be alternated (Eg - She has beautiful earrings. I wish they'd tell me where they found them. Her sense of style is sublime.) while other prefer to have different amounts of the sets sprinkled in, depending on their preferred set (this would end up creating a stark difference between she/they and they/she). My point being, while you were being so great with how you explained things and everything, yet I felt that you sort of left behind the 'they' part of Keara's pronouns.
But yeah, love your videos, love your personality, and I'm so glad you're getting in touch with yourself.
Thank you so much for saying this! That makes a whole lot of sense with the alternating! :)
dutchy you always make me feel so valid!!!
Aww that makes me so happy!! 🥺🥺
ooh yes thank you so much!!!!!! this video was verrrry relatable
Keara’s video made me realize that I am gender fluid. I am so happy that I realized that I identify as she/they
Friendly reminder that gender dysphoria can come up in several ways. It can be physical, like not being comfortable in your body, it can be mental, when you feel you don't align with your assigned gender in your head, and it can be societal, for example not wanting to be perceived as your assigned gender by other people. You might feel all of these, or none of these, you are still valid :)
Yesssss 100%! Great point thank you!!
I love you, Dutchy!! I’m not non-binary but I loved hearing and learning about it!!! You’re honestly my idol.. What pronouns do you use as of right now? I don’t wanna disrespect you in any way! 🥺🥰
Awww bless! Thank you! She/her atm but want to start trying she/they!
I’m trans ftm and it’s ok to not know your identity yet :) it took me a good year of going from non binary to gender fluid to non binary again and then me finding myself and working out I’m a trans dude :> I am sorta questioning bc I’m scared of being me and others reaction but I know I am trans and when you find your identity you WILL know. it’ll just click so don’t worry about labelling. try not to stress too much on what you identify bc it’ll come to you eventually
DUTCHY I THINK IM NONBINARY thank you so much i finally know why I feel the way I do
I’m so glad this video could help!!
hi thanks for making this video. It helps a lot, like A LOT. I'm a teenager and for about a month I've been confused about my gender. I am afab but I dont feel like one sometimes (i dont feel like a guy either). I HATE wearing dresses and skirts and my school uniform (sadly its an skirt) and I feel uncomfortable when someones says to me "as a girl you should... and bla bla" I JUST DONT FEEL CONFORTABLE WITH IT. One year ago, when I was 12 I realized I liked girls and it was so confusing and it took me a long time to accept it and there were moments where I was not confortable with liking girls and I was not comfortable with myself and I dont want to go through that again (only difference would be that this time it would be with gender). So yeah thanks this video has cleared things a bit. If you could maybe talk about non binary a bit more, it would help a lot :))
I'm Still Questioning My Gender! Thank You For Helping Me!
🖤🖤🖤
so excited! only 20 more minutes :)
💖💖💖
I really needed this💖
I’m so glad I could help! Hopefully!💖
You and Keara really have to make a video together! Or you could invite her to your podcast!!!!
I think that I may be agender but I feel like I wouldn't deserve to call myself so because I really like "feminine" clothes and my personality aligns with many of the traits that are considered "feminine". I don't wanna be a fraud so idk what to do
Oh my god . I can't believe I'm seeing all my old favorite youtubers coming out and questioning their gender,it makes me feel so validated .
I've been watching keara for nearly 4 years now dating back to being in my baby gay phase haha .
They are an incredible person who I adore and look up to so much I have soooo much respect for her and am proud of how far she's come on this journey
I can relate to so much of what you both said,
I hated dressing feminine growing up,
wish I didn't have boobs
,feel dysphoria enough to want to present masculine or androgynous but not to be a man .
I'm happy with most of my body but dislike the curves that come on a "female" assigned figure on myself
,I often hide my hair under beanies to look less like a girl,I wear baggy clothes that are men's or unisex . The only feminine clothing I wear is underwear(as I recently discovered I'm allergic to boxers) and pyjamas .
Sometimes I think about changing my name legally to something gender neutral,I've gone by the name Tama online since I first got RUclips which was back in 2015 or something now sheesh !
On the very rare occasion I want to present feminine with the masculine chest and shoulders I have it makes me feel like a guy in women's clothing(which by no means is a bad thing but its very confusing to me and my gender)
Also the word woman makes me ridiculously uncomfortable,any kind of feminine gendered terms do tbh,but then i don't want to be referred to as a man,or male,although male terms like sir and dude and bro feel a lot more gender neutral to me and blur those lines in the binary 🤷♀️
This is hella hella long I'm sorry lmao
Anyway yeah thank you to you,Keara,Jessie Paege and so many others for helping me feel validated and seen and heard because sometimes it feels like I have to hide this part of myself from everyone 🖤🖤🖤🖤
I literally agree with you soooooo much! I've been questioning my gender a lot recently, and seem to feel a lot like you. What do you identify with? I think this whole post feels a lot like what I am struggling with. Thanks!
@@g.w.y.n. sorry for replying so ridiculously late haha I dont really identify with any specific labels anymore I just know I'm not a woman or man 😅 nonbinary feels better but idk I kinda just vibe with no gender more,I hope you're doing okay
I’m questioning too I hope you’ll figure youself out soon🤍
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed this video because I’ve been questioning my gender and I’ve been thinking I’m non binary and it’s been stressful to say the least. So thank you again for making this video because it definitely helped me!
Thank you so much for making this video. I've been really confused about my gender identity since the start of this year so this helps a lot.
I’m so glad this helped! We’re all here for you!
Dutchy, your energy is so freaking awesome! I adore you! And your sharing of your journey is providing such helpful thoughts for me on my own journey!
Ah yes, this is the video i am in need of :)
Here for you!
Thanks it was really helpful somewhat.
I do hate the fact that clothes are gendered and stereotyped.
I don't dislike my body but I would like to be more neutral and fit everything.
I'm a plus size woman but I don't care of my gender much.
I do love to experiment but I'm still confused if it's a gender crisis or just a form of expression.
I watched ur channel when I was questioning my Sexuality and you helped me determine I was bisexual. Now I'm questioning my gender and I come here and you're doing the same. We're in this together bestie
Love this video!!!!
Oms this video of you,and your hair is pretty.❤❤keep glowing Dutchy ❤😍
💙💜💖
Love youuuu! Thank you 😍😍
thank you so much for making this video, hon. i hope you're able to figure out your gender identity. it will get easier, i promise x
i'm 32 and come out yesterday as non binary and all these things really have settled me knowing i've made the correct decision THANK YOU 💜
I recently was asked by one of my friends what my pronouns were and this time instead of she/her (my usual answer) I said she/they. I remember when she referred to me as they in a sentence and freezing. I froze and just sat there for a second. I had never actually heard someone reffer to me as they before. It felt really nice, weird, and new. After, some of my other friends started using both she and they, it made me feel good. I still don't know if I'm nonbinary or if I'm something else but atm just finding a new pronoun that feels nice is good enough for me 😁
I can relate to what some people have said here. Finding the term demigirl helped so much when I was first figuring out if I was non-binary or not. It allowed me to feel comfortable with questioning everything because I didn't fully feel like I was a girl, but I also knew I wasn't a guy. It allowed me to feel the feeling of "girl + ????"', and finding comfort in just sitting in the unknown for a while, as well as knowing demigirl was a term under the non-binary label. I'm currently still figuring out what specific term I identify with (and I might still identify with the term demigirl), but it was something that started my whole questioning my gender to begin with. I also really felt comfortable with the term non-binary and looking at it as an umbrella label too. Where it means not always a guy, and not always a girl. That also helped me. For pronouns, the pronouns I use are they/she. I put 'they' first because that is what I prefer to hear most of the time, but I don't mind 'she' being used as well. That is also partly the reason why I still partially identify with the term demigirl. Purely just language wise, and not exactly presentation. I dress more on the neutral/masculine side of things and I was blessed enough to be able to get top surgery. I also have been going by Serr online, and with my super close friends. It started out as a nickname from Sarah, and then I decided to shorten it to sound like 'ser' - the spanish word for 'to be'. I like the idea of just existing and being without someone trying to label you as a certain gender. Well, I hope this kind of helped. If not you Dutchy, then someone else reading this comment. This is all still sort of new to me as well, because I just figured this out a little over a year ago.
Thank you sooooooooo much this helped me a lot! I’ve been questioning for a while and now I think I’m finally confident in being genderfluid
I understand what you are saying. I am nonbinary. I was born male, but I haven't worn men's clothing in years, and I hate body hair. At the same time, I still present as male and have no plans to transition right now, and I will never go the medical route. A big part of that is my size. I would never be able to pass, so it is easier for me to stay the way I am. I would give anything to have a figure though, lol.
Hi ik I’m a bit late but as a non-binary person I’d love to answer any questions people have to the best of my ability :)
Thank you so much!
@@MsDickerz absolutely no problem, ik I had difficulties coming to terms with my identity so I’d love to be able to help others
Lol thank you so much for this video! It’s really feeling so nice to hear this, especially since I’m in a bit of a gender crisis right now and it’s really confusing and this really made me feel more at peace. Still like being comfy in my body with she/her, but I might want to try they/them even though I feel kinda neutral bout it. I hope you solve your gender crisis too!
You’re so welcome! I hope you’re so too! :)
At the Moment I'm questioning my gender. I'm assigned female at birth, but I just never really felt comfortable among the girls, and I always rather wanted to be with the guys. I just love being with them in school break (and not in a "they are cute, I want to spend time with them!" way, just in a "I belong to them" way), and I hate when I'm just categorizest as a girl. I love being called boyish, or getting called a guy. I try out he/him and she/her pronouns at the moment, but no one call me he/him, I'm only out of the closet to my three closed friends, and they can only use he/him when we are alone, but we just never are. I don't want to tell anyone else, and not the people in my school 'cause I'm just really afraid that they would bully me and stuff, you know. I also don't want to tell my parents. As I told my younger sister that she can also use he/him on me, she was like: "You just want to be cooler in front of your online friends" and it really hurt me, so I'm so afraid of tell someone other. But I'm akward with the thought being in a males body. I want a deeper voice, I really want this, and I don't want my breasts. But I don't really have gender dysphoria, but I really preffer being seen as a guy. I have the luck, that my parents just let me be like I wanna be, they let me dress how I want, they let me go shopping in the boys section and stuff, and I'm so happy about it. I like to dress like a boy, for example, I really love to wear neckties and suits, and I just hate dresses. But I'm just so unsure about who I am. I'm still so young, and so afraid of what my journey will lead me to. But always when I see someone in a dress, my heart just begins to beating, and then this question pops up in my head: Do I want this? Or am I just attracted to things like this (because I'm pan)? Are my feelings fake?
I also thought about try out diffrent names, but I have the problem, that I have no one who would call me this, because, like I said before, I'm still in the closet to kinda everyone. And I also haven't find a name that I feel like would fit me.
And I also have a problem with my hair. My hair is so damn long! And I hate this shit on my head. Can't it just be shorter? But I can't cut my hair myself, and other people are all like: "I won't cut your hair, it's too beautiful"
It makes me so uncomfortable. I try out other hair styles at home, but my hair is way too long for diffrent styles.
And I just don't have anyone to talk to, I know a agender and trans person, but I only meet them super rare, sometimes in school in break. I want to talk to them, I want to talk to the trans girl about how she felt, how her dysphoria felt and stuff. And I also want to talk to the agender person about their experiance and how they came out to the people and stuff. They also changed their name, and only some teachers call them by their deadname now. And I want to know how they just got it so far, I also want to get so far.
I know, no one cares for what I write here, but it is so freeing to write all this down here, and I would really enjoy your answers and stuff!
Sorry if there are mistakes in my text, my english is not super good, i'm a native german speaker
the ask saying "i don't identify with non binary but also don't identify with my agab" a label you may want to look into is demi-boy or demi-girl where you vibe with being a guy or a girl, but you also feel like you're a little bit of something else. Whether that be nonbinary or just some unnamable gender
also, i noticed she said trans and non binary are different things, and that's true, but i wanted to add, a lot of nonbinary people also identify with being trans. it's really just a personal preference if you're nonbinary if you identify with being trans. and, you can be non binary and use whatever pronouns you feel comfortable with. there are no rules there. you can be non binary but only use he/him and that doesn't make you any less nonbinary. you can also use neo pronouns (ze/zem/zir etc) or you can use any/all pronouns. whatever makes you feel comfortable!
AHHHH THANK U SO MUCH 4 THIS VID!!! SUPER HELPFUL❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I’m so glad! ❤️🔥❤️🔥
We loved watching this being a straight male i love wearing womens clothes formal office wear long straight fitted dresses and skirts with pantyhose my girlfriend loves doing my makeup putting a wig on me and a dress
Dutchy I know the struggle. I went through a gender crisis for over a year and tbh I still don’t know what I am. I know I use he/they/it/vey/glitch pronouns but what gender matches that, I don’t know 🤷🏽 but you are awesome and we will support you all the way with no matter what you identify with ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Feeeeels! Thanks so much ❤️❤️
I’m out as bisexual atm but definitely thinking I’m more of a lesbian now leaning on the softer side of butch and questioning my gender and my mom says she supports me for who I am, however she doesn’t let me dress or cut my hair the way I like. Like I have a mixture of feminine and masculine tendencies like I’ll wear a dress from time to time but I really like wearing flannels, button down shirts and beanies and whenever I wear one my mom always criticizes it saying I look “manly” and to “dress more feminine”. I have a lot of trouble speaking up when I feel like I’m being mistreated, but I really want to confront her about this. Any tips or ideas would be greatly appreciated.
ranboo was live and i had to make the hardest decision ever either to watch my fav bisexual or watch the guy who steals gender
Yasss
I am gonna bring my parents to breakfast tomorrow and tell them I go by “they/them” tomorrow … I’m excited but nervous for the questions ngl 🥴🥺
How did it go?
I'm kinda curious myself, hopefully it went well.
I told my Mom and she goes “Oh God.” And stopped talking a while. Hasn’t mentioned it since 😂🥴
@@ciaracahill3330 ohnoooo does she atleast use your pronouns tho?
@@elineivens not yet which is annoying but I know that she finds using theythem pronouns strange cause she only sees it as a plural instead of a pronoun. But we’ll see, my sister uses my preferred pronouns though :)
Hii dutchy!!! I love ur vidss! I'm a demigirl. Female and nonbinary. But there's a sort of weird uncomfortable feeling I get when ppl call me a girl. I'm not only nonbinary tho. I like she/her, but I don't like it at the same time??
Idk it's weird.. I think it might be bc no one acknowledges my nonbinary gender but always acknowledges my female gender, but idk, idk.
I'm also sick of ppl calling ppl who are multi-gendered by only the pronoun they're most comfortable using.. If you don't say all the pronouns, you're still mis-gendering them.. But ppl aren't ready for that one yet. 👀
Edit: to end on a wholesome note, me and my aunt went to a store to get me some shoes, and my feet were too big to fit the women's shoes. We ended up going in the men's section, and I fit a 10 in men's... I wasn't even embarrassed bc I felt so euphoric for wearing men's shoes! I felt so androgynous I- I still love those damn shoes.. 😊👀
Bestie you helped me so much in my acceptance of myself, and i just recently figured out I’m non binary gender fluid (basically i am primarily non binary with my gender fluidity although i do fluctuate)! And you have helped me so much with it!
Aww this makes me so happy!! Im so proud of you bestie!
@@MsDickerz thank you bestie!
So I'm coming back to this video after watching it for the first time months ago. I thought I didn't really experience clothing based dysphoria, but then I remembered that I mostly went to schools that had uniforms. The majority of the time, I was in a school that forced me to wear skirts, and I remember praying I'd go to a school without uniforms one day so I could finally have my jeans back. But at some point in middle school, I went to a different school with a uniform, but that uniform had pants, even for the girls, and as much as I hated everything else about the school, I almost wanted to stay if only so I could continue wearing pants to school.
That being said, I also LOVE long hair on women and femme presenting individuals, and as such, I love having long hair myself. I have dredlocks that are very long now, and I love them now that they're the length I like, but back when I first got them, I absolutely despised them for how short they were, and I remember using the ribbon that comes with balloons to try and make a hair bow because I hoped it would make me look more girly despite how short my hair was.
So I think I've experienced dysphoria a little bit here and there and didn't really have a word to put to it. That said, the uniform thing may have just been a matter of not being allowed to choose what I wore depending on how I felt, because I really enjoy sundresses and other really flowy, pretty things like that now. I don't always wear them, but I do very much enjoy them if they fit and/or flow just right. ^^
Also, I really needed to hear the phrase "You can absolutely be nonbinary and a girl" for reasons I may elaborate on later, so thank you. ^^
Thank you Dutchy this really helped me a lot in knowing that I'm non-binary ❤️😃✨👍
Thanks for this vid. I want to know about this coz i've been observing my bestfriend's social media status/posts and identifying herself nonbinary. Thank you! ☺️
Dutchy my queen I need this I hope you feel better and I love you ❤❤❤❤❤❤💙💜💖
Love you so much!!
I love this video and I'm so proud of you for exploring your gender, it took me a long time to figure my gender out and i identify as nonbinary now but that might change and I'm still not entirely sure
Also you said being nonbinary and trans are two different things which is kinda true but nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella which has two categories, binary trans (so mtf and ftm) people and nonbinary trans people. Not every nonbinary person identifies as trans but some do. I might not be completely right so sorry if this is wrong
Love u Dutchy! Dang your timing is fantastic!
The important thing to know about non binary people is that not all have the same definition that makes them non binary. Each non binary gender can be a little bit different.
Here’s my example:
I recently learned I identify as both non binary and gender fluid. (Just need to work up the guts to tell my girlfriend)
I get dysphoria being stuck male or female or even both at the same time. Yet somehow I know I’m both. But the masculine and feminine need to be balanced out with non binary. Together each gender completes me. I’m happy being male as long as non binary is right there along side it. The same goes for female.
because of relating to gender fluid people I realized I have more then one gender. (That still fluctuates mildly)
But the title of non binary ties it all together and wraps it up for Christmas 🎁
Does any else have a unique meaning to their gender? Sharing stories is a great way to help others who don’t know for themselves yet
pants and tees have seperate gendered sections because of the way clothes fit... it's biological. If I was to wear clothes from the mens section, they just wouldn't fit properly in ANY way. The issue is the way that colours and styles are assigned to men vs women. We need more patterned and coloured prints in the men's section, and more block coloured, masculine looking clothing in the women's section.
This is true!!
I’m constantly questioning my gender
You've helped me in the past a lil bit to know that I was bisexual but I'm pansexual now and right before bed my brain decided to wonder about my gender identity I've always known myself as a he but I'm not sure what I identify as
I just came out transgender. Been talking with a therapist and she asked my pronouns. She was going to make them they/them. Yet I went she, her. Working on moving onto hormones and surgery. Officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I can move on. I will start my own videos as I start my transition
Hey! I just had this little question, I've been identifying as a girl my whole life (I'm still very young but you know) and lately I did some research and I think I'm genderfluid but I still wonder something, does you gender has anything to do with what gender you'd like to be, like I'm afab but as long as I remember, I always wanted to be a boy really bad. Idk I'm kinda going through a gender crisis too and I'm very lost.
But the video was really interesting and I hope u and everyone who is reading this comment is going to figure out who they are and feel good about it 🫶🏻
I feel as though you match up closest to a gender field person, but don't quote me on that. Try wearing a binder on the days you feel more "boyish", and experiment with someone you trust in terms of pronouns. I'm an AFAB nonbinary/transmasc person who just recently came out to myself (known since I knew what trans was). I know I'm young, but you've helped me so much in the past with self acceptance that I figured I might try to give a few tips that could help.
Edit:
Yeah, wow. Relate to a lot of the stuff you say. Definitely try out those pronouns pal, and just remember that you don't need to race at figuring this out. It takes time and that's ok. We are here if you need more advice, and I'm certainly willing to give what advice I can. My preferred name is James, I can't change my profile name because my mom is highly unaccepting. Wish you best of luck, and feel free to ask more questions down the line.
Idk, this is just a memory I have, but it's definitely a lil trans guy thing
Specifically remember in my pre- puberty period hoping to never develop breasts. That has evolved into pretty bad top dysphoria, I literally can't be in a place where my social anxiety isn't the primary irritant without a binder on, it's such a yucky feeling. Gender dysphoria isn't always that bad though, I know someone who is enby but barely has any dysphoria.
pls if I had to explain how I'm feeling I would say exactly same things about boobs and clothes
I'm happy I can relate to you bc thinking about how I feel with my body is sometimes confusing af
bought a binder today to wear from time to time when I want to look more masculine
hope it fits haha
Oh love!!!! Please let us know how it goes!
I guess I am the flipside. I would wear a dress or skirt every day if I could, but my family would freak out. I get the "it's too tight, or that's too short" treatment all the time, lol.
I’m in deep reflection myself, I’m AFAB but honestly I don’t really connect with being a woman. It’s like a fun costume for me, dressing femme and doing makeup and nails it’s like a literal costume and a character to me…Being more masc feels like home. My true self, but I’m way too afraid to go for it.
16:50 there are places on Reddit and certain Discord servers which have a dedicated “pronouns tryout” section. Also, your pronouns don’t have to be limited to she/he/they, you can try out neopronouns too! I personally use ae/aer and she/her.
Questioning my gender now. 😭😭🥲 I was thinking before but today I was like damn after watching random tiktok.
mooed
9:28 that sounded like rapping, you have a good rapping voice
I new I was nonbinary a few months ago yet I’m still watching this video lol
Love you! Thanks for the support!
@@MsDickerz I’ve been watching you for years lol :) thanks for helping me find myself out
I have never felt like a girl nor a boy but I have always said that I was just the opposite of a boy like I was either between or not even on the spectrum. I've always identified as a lesbian but then I realized that sexuality and gender identity are different.
I've always been called she/her but I don't feel like it's me so I trying using different pronouns and finding out what suited me.
So here I am. Hello my name is Parker and I use she/they pronouns and it's nice to meet all of you.
It is so nice to meet you Parker!!
they look rlly good today! i love their shirt! how did that feel?
I loved that 🥺🥺
I am you are not the only one questioning thar gender
hi guys! idk if u remember (probably not) but a while ago I would comment jokes! I changed my name but I’m back with a joke!
ya know being queer isn’t always a riot-unless we’re talking about Stonewall
k bye 💛
💖💖💖
I totally agree with you clothes shouldn't be gender and I love shopping in the 🤙🏻men's section
Damn. This video came just in time. Having a gender crisis rn and I feel less alone!!
We’re all here for you! We can figure it all out together!
I have never understood the pronoun issue. I am both. People can use whatever they want to. If I worry about that kind of stuff, it leaves an opening for people to hurt me. I have more important things to get upset over. I know I'm in the minority, but I know a lot of people in my life will never see me as anything but a man, so as long as I am able to find happiness in who I am, that is all the matters to me.
A way to think about it is: if you were born male, would you still want to change your body/have these feelings to be more feminine?
i am a lesbian and still Closeted and probably will always be cause my parents won't accept that and i don't wanna lose their love please tell me what to do, how can i make them accept that and stop being homophobic? Help me please 😔
I’ve been having a gender crisis on and off for years 🙃
I feel like Megan would die of pure joy if she watched The Owl House
oooh I'll add it to the list!
is it just me that knows their pronouns but not their gender? cuz like i use all pronouns but i’m not sure if i can be gender fluid because i’m not a man i only like identify i guess as a woman and non-binary but i just like the pronouns he him but not the gender. does anyone know what gender identity that would be called lol
Hey, just wanted to ask on ways I could tell if I am a demigirl, or nonbinary. I'm not entirely sure yet, and wanted to know how nonbinary and demigender people felt similarly and differently. Thanks! Love yall!