Overcoming Depression as a Mormon Mom - Tara Herbert Pt 2 | Ep 1857
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- Опубликовано: 13 июн 2024
- Tara Herbert recounts her challenging journey within Mormonism and motherhood, reflecting on the societal pressures and personal struggles she faced. Despite feeling unprepared, she experienced the birth of her first child within the confines of Mormon teachings, grappling with the disconnection she felt towards motherhood and the expectations placed upon women. Tara delves into the erasure of women's roles within Mormon theology, feeling disrespected and marginalized. She confronts the sexist doctrines and rituals of the faith, ultimately realizing the toxicity of the environment and its limitations on her identity and well-being. Through personal and familial trials, including PTSD and infertility, Tara navigates her disillusionment with Mormonism, finding solace in stepping away from its constraints and embracing a more liberated perspective on life and motherhood. Despite fluctuating emotions towards her past experiences, Tara prioritizes her mental health and autonomy, recognizing the importance of complexity and personal growth over the pursuit of a simplistic notion of happiness propagated by her former faith.
Part 1: • My Mormon Mission Brok...
Episode Show Notes: www.mormonstories.org/portfol...
Chapters:
00:00:00 The birth of her first baby
00:11:45 Her temple experience
00:18:11 She knew she didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom
00:22:08 Looking for her biological family
00:41:50 Temple Sexism
01:01:35 Infertility, PTSD, post-partum depression
01:20:50 Learning about the Second Anointing
01:34:00 "The more I stepped away the better I felt"
01:46:35 When Mormonism fell everything fell for me, she feels more atheist
01:48:15 Improved mental health
01:55:25 Managing a mixed-faith marriage
01:56:10 Being a better mom as a working mom
___________________
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Tara - write a book!!! I feel like you are on part 1 and 2 of a 5 series collection in your life. Your kids are still young, you’re in a split religion home, and you have very recently started to process an amount of trauma many of us can only imagine. You are a queen, a warrior, a leader, and so much more. Your poise ans eloquent rendition of your mental processing is unmatched.
I so agree!!
Agreed!!! Write a book!
Write a book.
Yes! Absolutely write a book. 📕 ❤
This was wonderful experience watching both parts of this. I finished feeling a sense of pride for Tara.
I love Tara’s story. I converted at 12 back in Africa. I got to America at 17 but was still in a white Mormon environment. It wasn’t until after college I knew of what my black skin meant and what was wrote in the BOM. I’m just now at 31 gaining the courage to leave. I know nothing else but I’ve felt so deceived, why didn’t I know all that!
Anyway, this has really helped solidify my decision, thank you all!
Big hugs! May you continue to heal and find your inner peace.
Jesus loves you. Believe in the works of Jesus Christ and you will be saved. ❤
As a Black, 60 yo, never mormon woman and I just want to give you the biggest hug! Wishing you every good thing that you decide and desire. 🫶🏿💃🏾
Same!!! Just wanna give her a big ole Black Mama hug!
It was interesting hearing a Mormon story from an adopted black woman raised in Utah! I wish her all the best!
8:31 it makes sense that the lead up to birth had a lot of fear and that the first birth experience was traumatic because you weren’t taught appropriately about what to expect and weren’t given the ability to make decisions about things that were within your capacity to choose… to even know you had choices. I’m so sorry that was the way it went for you, Tara.
I’ve never been Mormon but as a woman, as a black woman this resonates on so many levels.
Thank you for sharing your story Tara.
I absolutely LOVE how she explained how women CREATE LIFE, and men create.....what. that stopped me in my tracks. I was like, yeah! So true. WE are the creators. I can't wait to use this concept in conversation with people. You go girl!! ❤ The other thing I could so relate to was when she said the further away she got, the happier she got. I feel the same way about Christianity. I was raised in Evangelical Christianity and the further I get away from it, the happier I am. ❤
Us women are a vessel to create life … our Lord Jesus is the CREATOR… what do we do that forms everything while pg … we are not thinking and creating all the intrinsic details of a human body and its complexities … Lord Jesus does that within our wombs … we are a vessel , not THE creator.
I too was raised in the EV Free Church, & I was raised that what matters is the personal relationship with Jesus… we only have to confess our sins to Jesus … not the Pastor or anyone else … nothing forced by the Church or anyone in it …
Matthew 7: 13-14 … choose your Eternity 🙏🏻❤️
@@MidwestLife87 it's really sad that you missed the entire point of this interview. 😔
This is why so many cultures believe in ‘mother earth’. It’s pretty intuitive. If you start to think about it, even just for a few minutes, the creator or ‘god’ as a man is a pretty weird concept.
Both man and woman create life, but women bring complete life to fruition.
It takes two people to create another being. Do females just get pregnant without a male? Also who provides for that baby does food & shelter just appear out of nowhere? What about protecting them?
Keep drinking that heavens gate kool-aid. The fairytales that modern society is brainwashing females with is more harmful to women than helpful. Just because Mormon men treat women a certain way doesn't mean every man treats women that way. If what she says was correct the second a woman asks or files for child support she disproves herself it means your en Incapable of creating that child. This lady is just entitled. Watched to much Disney growing up thinks she is Cinderella or snow white.
I grew up with many Mormons. They were very self righteous about their faith. When they were called out about their hypocrisy, they were angry. Listening to Tara broke my heart as a woman who is a non practicing Catholic. High demand religions are glamorous cults.
c'mon Tara we are here to support you! You made me cry hard with your mission story. I can't beleieve there is still apartheid in some areas in the US.
She gave an accurate and honest description of the Deep South.
In Tulsa, ok blacks live on the other side of the tracks. Some blackout have gotten through, but it's for real
Where was her mission?...I missed it.@@swaneespeedramsey6080
Some areas in Virginia are the same, it's shocking!
Tara! I have good news for you. My large family is all Mormon, but I grew up Christian. I missed all the crazy drama! Our Bible teaches that we are not going to be "eternal baby makers". Jesus said, "...in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage..." Matthew 22: 30. So much for eternal baby making! And as far as eternal polygamy is concerned the Bible also rules that out when it says that we are to be, "...the husband of one wife..." 1 Timothy 3: 2 & 12 also Deuteronomy 17: 17. Maybe you better not tell your husband this. He might be very disappointed. 😉
Tara’s interviews have been some of my (top 3) fav Mormon Stories ever. I have so many touch points in common. Thank you for sharing your story!
Same. She is so honest and open. Very clear speaker, watching this is scripture to me. Helps me understand so much more of my early life.
Right, I listened to her for 5 hours and I still want more! Honest about such tough subjects, and still a kind person after all that chaos.
Tara. Even though we’re entirely different people, I could relate to your story. I was raised in poverty in a very Mormon Idaho town. I always felt like an outsider in my ward and community in general. I grew up with a lot of the same insecurities you mentioned. As an adolescent, I craved male attention and approval. As a result, I always had serious boyfriends all through high school. However, I still felt insecure about my looks and body. Because of my patriarchal blessing, I also decided to serve a mission. I was called to the Independence, Missouri, mission in the Bible Belt. People in this area had the legal right to kill Mormons back in the 1800s. The Extermination Order (the right to legally kill a Mormon in Missouri) stood for 138 years. It was not until June 25, 1976, that Missouri Gov. Christopher "Kit" Bond took the law off the books. My pioneer ancestors were killed, raped, had property destroyed, etc. by Missourians. To this day, many Christians in Missouri still hate Mormons! They would tell me I believed in the wrong Jesus and read the wrong Bible. They would ask me to show them my King James version of the Bible so they could scrutinize it. I was so confused that in a country that preaches "freedom of religion," why people would treat me this way. Especially other Christians, that if Jesus teaches us to love everyone, why did they hate me so much? These experiences triggered anxiety attacks & depression, but I didn’t realize that I was experiencing mental health issues either at the time. I just thought Satan was trying to make me feel discouraged. Thankfully, I had two very loving and understanding mission presidents. They listened to me and supported me. I served my entire 18 months. But, like you, I felt like my mission was one of the hardest experiences I had ever had up to that point in my life. I met my husband right after I got home from my mission. I found out he also experienced some traumatizing events on his mission because people called police officers to harass him while he was out knocking on doors in the Northeastern United States. These events triggered some mental health issues for him as well. We clicked over our shared mission trauma as well. We married quickly in the temple, and I had my first son one year after our wedding. During my labor and delivery, my perennial area tore all the way through, and my women's doctor gave me an episiotomy. As you mentioned, this is such a painful process to heal from. At that same time, once my husband went back to work, I experienced severe postpartum depression psychosis. I felt suicidal and felt like killing my son because he had colic, which caused him to cry constantly. We didn't live near our families then, but even when I reached out for help, neither my mom nor my mother-in-law was any help. Instead of giving up on God, I reached out to God, my husband, my Bishop, and a sweet woman named Jodi in my ward at the time reached out to me. My husband was my biggest support. Thank God for men who listen with understanding to their wives who are struggling with mental health issues. This experience brought my husband and I closer together. My experience gave me so much empathy for other moms. It gave my husband empathy for me, and he never pressured me to have more children than I felt like I could mentally handle At first, it was hard to come to terms with the fact that I had chronic anxiety and depression that was made way worse every time I had a baby. There is no cure for mental illness, so knowing I would have this problem for the rest of my life was a hard pill to swallow at 24 years old. I’ve also needed therapy and medication to help me fully heal. After my first son, I chose to have two more children. They are full-grown adults now. My husband and I have been married for 26 years. I’m fully active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Over the years, I used my experience to help other moms suffering from mental health issues. I’m sorry you didn’t feel more support and love in the church. You sound like such a fantastic person! I wish you the best of luck in your life journey.
I wish we shared with women more often the reality behind becoming a mom and not feeling connected initially to our babies and then feeling like we aren't our own anymore. I loved your story, Tara and hope that you write a book or do more podcasts. Your story is one that needs to continued being told.
Who sends a black child to the most racist part of a city. Evil does, that was pure evil to do that to you. That broke my heart and it still heavy on my heart for you❤
I said the same thing. How many times was she the only black person ANYWHERE. Surrounded by people that didn’t respect her literal existence.
What do you do for a living? Bet it's has nothing to do with the placement of abandoned children.
@@ruger8412 what does that even mean? You can feel abandoned your whole life by the lack of things people who say they love you. Parents are there to protect you, stand up for you. Parents are supposed to know you and stop bad thing from happening.
@@ruger8412 And? Doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed an opinion. It’s not just about finding parents it’s about quality of life. Placing a black girls in a community that literally believes Black people are “cursed “ isn’t a wise decision don’t you think? She is broken and struggling to deal with some serious trauma.
I've never lived in Utah, but have family that I visit there. I remember a couple of visits around the time that Tara would have been born and adopted. There were a lot of families who were adopting a black baby. It really bothered me because I felt like it was a "fad" among Utah Mormons (especially in the Orem/Provo/Spanish Fork areas) to have a token black child; almost as if to say, "see, we're not racist". My father is Native and my mother is white. For most of my life I've had issues with feeling that I didn't belong because I was never viewed as completely one or the other. Only one of my sisters has the same father as me. My mother's second marriage was to a man of mostly Danish heritage so there is a significant difference in skin, hair, and eye color between our siblings and ourselves. I remember being almost angry at those families who were adopting a black baby because I knew that those children would face the same dilemma of never truly belonging, regardless of how much of a "good life" they were given. Just like the Native kids who were taken from the reservation to be raised by members in the 70's and 80's. They believed that they were doing a good deed, but really they were great disservice by separating those children from their cultural identity.
I found 3 half brothers during the pandemic. My bio dad died in 2012. My birthmother is alive but spent so many years hiding the fact of me and my adoption, she had a very difficult time admitting she even has a daughter. My half brother on her side got his DNA done and told her that I'm his biological sibling. She still thinks DNA isn't exact science. I haven't met her but based on what I learned about my bio dad and mom, I'm profoundly grateful to have been adopted. Having grown up knowing I was adopted, I had so many unresolved feelings about the whole thing. Finding my biological siblings really did feel like a different connection than the one I have with the brothers I grew up with. (The funniest thing is that, having grown up with four brothers, I hoped to find a sister. I found 3 more brothers. SMH).
We need more of this on Mormon Stories! I love this podcast so much, I listen to it everyday on my way to work, HOWEVER, as a past Mormon WOC a major blind spot that has always been disheartening to me on this podcast is representation on this podcast of our stories. I loved Tara and her story, but I hope this is only the beginning. WOC, especially queer WOC are often left out of the conversation, whether it’s not even having a seat at the table or even being mentioned as a part of the oppression of the Mormon church, and sadly, that is how it is in our Soceity at large too. Even on this podcast that is so wonderfully loving and inclusive, issues surrounding WOC are not treated with the same amount of sensitivity that white women, white queer people, and men of color are treated with. Our stories matter too! I would love to see a WOC that comes on as an expert often on this podcast that I hold so dear to my heart. Thank you for the impact you have had on my life by teaching me so much about Mormon History and hearing stories that truly have reshaped my world view. This is all from a place of love and wanting to see the podcast relate to a wider audience. 💖 Again, thank you for everything!
Tara your experiences in life broke my heart and filled me with pride seeing your "Becoming". You are amazing Sister (from another Black woman - not Mormon).
I really like this Lady! She is super smart and she has overcome so much ❤
Damn, Tara is explaining to me the struggles I had with the priesthood but I didn't have the words for it.
WOW! Amazing,Tara!
Now I understand why my former wife and all my sisters in law rebel against the church! What did it for me was the crazy temple ceremony and moving from Salt Lake City to the Philippines where almost everyone is Catholic and there is no pressure to conform to Mormon standards. I feel like a better person just believing in Jesus and doing good deeds and loving the people for the way they are instead of what their religion is!
It is so amazing to hear a parent say about her children - "show me who you are." My parents definitely had expectations for me, but they definitely lean more towards the "show me who you are" side of parenting instead of the "this is who you're going to be whether you like it or not" side. And I am very grateful that they let me grow into the person I wanted to be, and Tara I know that your kids will be grateful for who you let them grow into :)
Young lady, young lady! As a Gen Xer who grew up in the Baptist church, the things you share are questions i had as a teen. I could never accept the things that were put on women and black ppl. I questioned A LOT. I was chastised because of it. Thankfully, my parents loved me through it and cared for me deeply. I am very proud for you and you all, women especially black women who are questioning and answering their own questions. Developing my own relationship with the Most High mattered and matter most to me. Again, this was a good episode.
I cannot give these Tara episodes enough accolades! Thumbs up, favorite, save, etc. Thank you for sharing your journey, 🎉Tara.
Sounds like postpartum depression to me. I suffered from this with my second child and how she described her feelings sounds so familiar.
Tara, I’m so happy you found YOU! Im happy your husband was able to recognize the prize he had and wasn’t willing to compromise the love yall share. Something told me you’d free yourself. You deserve to live & thrive❤
What an incredible, unbelievably intelligent, strong woman, Tara is. I am so glad that she found the strength to break away from the Morman Church and to be able to express her feelings and truths about why she wanted to leave Mormanism. Not many women are strong enough to stand up against something so very powerful and not back down. What a great Podcast. Thank you so much for sharing. You are wonderful, Tara
Best of luck to you. Stand Strong, Tara
You can do anything!
You're amazing, Tara! You're helping so many people by sharing your story. Thank you so much. 💓
This is such an important topic!!! Depression, especially in women, in the church, is invisible. I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Thank you for speaking out, you are a brave, strong woman. And I'm rooting for you. 🎉🤗🎉
I feel like listening to Taras story, her grace, her eloquentness, and her humor has healed so many parts of me!
I had a bad first pregnancy too- my baby was just a tag along in my womb . I feel for Tara because she was not heard and not taken care of properly. I 2nd degree tore and was not supported after the birth of my child. I couldn't feel normal there for a year my husband went to school while I was alone with a baby who would scream if he was put down for 15 min for a whole 4 months . It was hell on earth , I wanted to run away .
Praise heavenly mother however I was taught that I never have to listen to men if they don't listen to God. I always felt that Eve was a gutsy women who know what she was getting into and took her chances .
What a shocking emotional evolution. You came from a place of imposed emotional ignorance, lacking the tools and language to describe or understand what you were suffering and the gaslighting you went through during most of your life. Wow, look at the person you have become and are becoming! The eloquence with which you told your story, your perseverance, and self-awareness leaves me full of admiration. You have achieved so much, with so little support, but you're still rising from the ashes. I hope you can remember every day how strong you are and how much you have overcome.
I related to so much of your story Tara. I love how you said you realized you had options when you left the church. This interview was very healing for me. Thank you Tara.
Thank you, Tara, for sharing your story. It is a breath of fresh air to hear the truths that sooooo many women feel but aren’t allowed to vocalize except in secret with the closest of friends. Power to you, you are intelligent, strong and wise. Very thankful for this podcast!
When I had little ones, I went and got a job to pay someone else to do the household duties and watch the children. I was sick with chronic illness and couldn't physically do it. It's a very physical job. It's no walk in the park. The fact that men have put it upon women's shoulders to care for solely through religion is evil.
Aint she cursed and just gonna be a servant in mormon heaven
My God this girls story has given words to so much of my experience being born and raised in Utah and then moving to somewhere that religion is not the paramount defining factor. I had to learn so many of the same lessons and they were so painful and are embedded in the fabric of who I now am.
Isn’t it amazing when you hear another person describe exactly what you experienced but never had words for..
Watching this interview has been a great use of ~6 hours on a Sunday. Tara is so insightful and I have been hanging off of her every word. Thanks for sharing Tara.
Agreed. Watching all of this on a Saturday. It makes me wonder how involved was her husband.
I find these interviews to be fascinating in general. Particularly of interest to me are the interviews of non-white Mormons/ex-Mormons. I am a 70 year old black woman from the Eastern half of the country with family and religious experiences that are very different from Tara and Rachel and Rachel and Nate. This interview really hit me for so many reasons. To those people considering transracial adoptions, let me suggest this: if you adopt a child of another race or ethnicity, do not let the child be the first person you know of that culture. Be sensitive to the needs of that child. Also think about the environment you put the child in and the impact it will have on the child. Rachel’s parents raised her in an environment that was difficult for her under the fiction that racism is over.
I loved this interview, super informative! Tara is such a beautiful soul
Wow Tara. So sorry you experienced so much pain for so long. So glad you are OUT and healthier!! 5hank you for sharing your story. Now you can ENJOY freedom from the cult and enjoy life!
My opinion her mothers both failed her in all the aspects she desperately needed and so it took a toll on her body
You are so charismatic and absolutely beautiful to listen to, Tara. Loved this podcast, thanks MS team and Tara ❤
Listened to your Part One already and still listening to Part Two. I just want to say how powerful and amazing your story and your voice is. You are incredible! I am so happy you came to share your story here.
Tara you truly are a remarkable, intelligent and insightful woman. I applaud you.
I once asked people if they were depressed Sunday afternoons...
Only my church (LDS) agreed... Everyone else Catholic, protestant and not religious..all said no...
I'm LDS.... not a Mom...or even wife.. converted after 30, insured that... Another story... But, I just noticed that if I followed straight LDS teachings for Sunday activity, I'm depressed...so, I did the little survey a few years ago...
I did so much better than a survey....I stayed away from the Mormon Cult Church.
Yes! I was depressed and anxious on Sunday afternoons.
The band The Strokes have a song called "Why are Sundays so Depressing?", so it's pretty across the board. Lots of people feel the impending strain of another week gearing up on Monday morning.
I was the opposite. After the stress as a child of getting our family of 8 to church and the emotions going with that I was relieved that I did have to do that again until the next Saturday night when I would get really depressed worrying again. My dad hated going and my mom was stressed so it was bad all the way around. Of course we all shows up with smiles on our face.
This was a very important episode on so many levels. I resonated with so much of your story. Also I am a birth mom and went through family services in Atlanta 22 years ago. It took me years to learn about the complexities of adoption and wishing I had more information before I made that decision. Anyway thank you for sharing your whole story.
I was glued to my phone through both parts. ❤
I’ve heard many Mormon stories. Tara’s is a favorite!
Fellow Tara and BoyMom here. Your story is compelling, and heartbreaking. I wasn't raised Mormon, but Southern Baptist is similar. It's hard to be stiffled in systems like that, when your soul wants to dance, and sing!
I found Paganism at 12, and my soul found it's place!
The first thing I asked my birth mother was to tell me she hadn't married my birth father. I can't imagine being the second child with the first kept and the second adopted.
Of all the episodes I have watched, this has been the most traumatizing and compelling I have watched. I can’t tell you how many times I sat and cried with her and wished I could hug her.
Thank you so much, Tara. Your epiphany about women are the true creators and much closer to a god resonated so deeply for me. Your bravery is humbling.
I feel like your parents failed you on an epic scale, leaving you so completely unprepared: no care for teaching you about race and racism, not teaching you about sex, not making sure you were well educated and prepared for life, not protecting you against church leadership, overall not caring for your mental and physical well-being. It breaks my heart. You said repeatedly they didn’t have the tools. With respect, I reject that. These are educated people, they should have done better.
Thank you for your comment. I give both my parents and biological parents the same amount of grace I hope my sons one day will give to me! Yes they failed me in ways and I will fail my sons in other ways, it's part of being human and growing up. I have unlimited compassion and forgiveness for them and I didn't share all the amazing things they did right! I know what it's like to just not have the education to know and do better and in a lot of ways am still lacking in the tools needed to raise my children. Life is complicated and sometimes no ones the bad guy.
Such a deep insight about the temple ritual. It never even dawned on me that your husband represents being your God when he leads you across the veil. And yes, the Church clearly doesn't deem women to the same caliber as men. Misogyny in please in the Mormon Church.
Thank you, Tara. I needed to hear so much of what you had to say. I think that I especially needed to hear the value of being a woman, the value of being healthy vs happy and the value of embracing life as complex.
I’m so glad you are doing better on your journey. Sending you internet hugs!! Life is difficult, but the weight feels less heavy when shared.
Loved this so much! As an ex-Mormon woman, I could relate to your experience. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your experience.❤
The research behind “the primal wound” affecting those of us who are adopted.
Whether adopted right away or at 6 years old like me… the wound is real and it creates real deep abandonment trauma and the difficulties bonding, trusting and connecting with others.
Of all the ways i thought seeing my bio mom for the first time would look like after being adopted, it looked nothing like I imagined. The level of detachment she had towards me was devastating so, I spent that time talking to my half sister. Wild. It’s painful no matter the context, there’s still a hurt we carry.
Not to mention the white supremacy construct that forced its way into this country. Tried to completely annihilate part of my ancestry ( indigenous) and brought the other part of my ancestry here via slavery… then these white families think they’re saving us all the while our cultures are in disarray due to the colonization in the first place. We’re expected to be grateful while being denied everything and all that we are. It’s infuriating and exhausting and it leaves very little room if any at all, for compassion we desperately need while learning who we are. Because they’re raising us to be who they want us to be, not in support of who and what we want to be.
Such an amazing young woman. Thank you for sharing your story.
Outstanding interview!
Without a doubt, this is my favorite Mormon Story I’ve ever watched. Thank you, Tara.
Would love to know how Tara's husband and adoptive family responded when she finally decided to cut ties with the church. I was expecting her to say they marriage didn't survive if her husband was still a member of the church. This was so insightful. Thanks everyone.
I wondered that to
I think she mentioned her husband still attends, and they’re in a mixed faith marriage.
Tara is a stunningly articulate intelligent young woman. Thanks for sharing.
God bless this lovely young lady for sharing her testimony.
Amen "the more i stepped away the better i felt"
Tara is such a good storyteller. I am not a Mormon, and I guess I listen to these podcasts similar to someone listening to True Crime? Wild stories, some of which I do relate to due to being a scrupulous child, but all very very interesting.
Me too! I'm never Mormon, but I love this podcast!! I grew up Christian and there's definitely similarities
Thank you for gentleness and kindness. Thank you for captions. Additionally that you for accepting/ advocating LGBT . Our Mormon friend got kicked out of Temple and denied taking sacrament for just asking why a couple who raised 4 troubled kids ( Bipoc disabilities, economic etc) married in spirit 33 years could be so bad?
She now does counseling for Mormons/ exMprmans/ Lgbtqia2s/ disabilities/ PTSD. So thank you. I was raised super fundamentalist so. baptist. Bless Yall
This really resonates with my own story. Very very similar experiences with being a wife and Mother.
Same here. I had to go back to work to save myself.
23:19 as a doula who supports women though pregnancy. Childbirth, postpartum ad breastfeeding, this is heart breaking to hear the Lake of emotional and physical support😢
I believe that you came out shining much brighter than you entered in. I’m so proud of being a woman if it means being as resilient as you. May you find peace and happiness in all you do. And I agree WRITE A BOOK
Thank you Tara for these two episodes. Your story will stay with me forever. Thank you for your courage and bravery to share all that you did ...and for your authenticity and humor. I feel like we are BFFs in my head. You are a smart, strong, beautiful woman! 🙌💗 Thank you Margi and John for the great questions and thoughtfulness always.
It always surprises me how interesting these talks are❤❤❤❤She’s awesome and has come a long way.
This was by far one of the most powerful episodes I’ve ever had the privilege of watching. What an empowering story that was delivered with such poised emotion. Truly inspiring on many levels
I have been watching so many of MS however there’s something so different and special about this last 2 episodes, I am really enjoying it, she is so incredible in all ways, praying for continuous healing for her.
I have listened to many episodes of this & C2C. Her story rly touched me, brought me to tears multiple times. Just to hear how long & how deeply & over how many things she struggled & for how long it went on unchecked. Not even having the words to think she needed help or for what. If I get married, have a baby, get a house, meet my birth mom, etc etc it’ll be better but it’s not the solution. Ugh. I’m so curious to understand what her husband was thinking or doing during all these years. It’s heartbreaking how ill prepared everyone is for most things life throws at you in Mormonism & other high control groups. So sad that this could have been intervened many years earlier. I’m so proud of her & honored to hear her story. What a journey!!
Incredible story. Tara I am wishing you the best.
Thank you!
Tara. Thank you for being so honest. A lot of women dont feel like they can be honest about challenges of motherhood and womanhood
I liked how Tara talked about how she got to a point at which she couldn't orbit around men anymore. I can so relate!
I love how you are naturally connected to the value of womanhood, Tara.
Tara post partum depression is a real thing and wanting to identify as something beyond wife and mother is not wanting too much. I’d recommend reading the feminine mystique. All the misogyny in the LDS Church is based on a mythical way of thinking
Its incredible listening to her speak such raw truth. Im so happy for this young lady and her strength thru adversity to find and become her authentic self. Much love to her xx
Your such a courageous beautiful young woman that has been through a lot and overcame. Wishing you the best. Thanks for sharing God Bless ❤
I've never wanted to hug so much on your podcast before ❤ what she has said can relate to more people than she can probably comprehend. ❤ big hugs 🫂
So erudite and honest. Thank you Tara for you amazing story.
Fantastic interview Tara!
I think the idea of womanhood being defined by men is such a powerful statement on what it means to be a feminist. Feminism for me is being able to define my relationships and roles in both the public and private sphere. I have felt a lot of pressure in my own life to pursue a career and be “successful”. I feel really fulfilled by nurturing for that to be my primary focus (I also have the privilege of being able to make that choice for myself which i recognise a lot of people are not in the position to do). The pressure to “have it all” caused me a lot of strife because I felt like I was failing at everything. I’m glad it seems like you were able to reclaim your own womanhood and be able to make a life outside the confines of what you were told it means to be a woman.
At the part where she’s talking about her paranoia etc… it sounds a lot like postpartum psychosis. Most people have heard of postpartum depression, but there’s also other disorders that can be triggered like that by postpartum. OCD and psychotic symptoms are some of them
I appreciate that she's being so open and honest about her experience of motherhood! Unfortunately it's taboo for women to have any opinion on motherhood other than completely loving it.
Wishing you so much healing, Tara!
Amazing sister I love you how truthful she is is
Tara my friend I enjoyed listening to you express yourself
so effortlessly! I thought in Pt 1 of your interviews your coping mechanisms were beyond me. But the more I listened to your heart I felt your adoption laid dormant and other unconscious issues would soon surface. Tara you are stronger than you realize and a great overcomer! Be strong and be courageous for your sons, husband and for all of us really!🫂❤️
My family is all Mormon (six of us) except for me. They all had large families of 5, and 6, and my sister had 7 kids. I've seen the pictures of my sister with her 7 kids, and in each one she looked more depressed than the last time. She divorced her husband, and married into a polygamous group, and is now divorced again. My brother had 6 kids, and then his wife (In Salt Lake) divorced him, and is now on her fourth husband. My other sister was depressed and divorced her Bishop husband, and ran off out West with the kids, and re-married. Depression is epidemic in this false religion, and I think it all comes from their false theology. It can not be backed up from the Bible, and sadly they will not talk to me about these issues, because I am an outsider. My heart breaks for these poor people, and I am unable to help them.
Wow what an amazing and inspiring interview! Tara: you are so strong, smart, and powerful. Thank you for sharing your story! You have so many gifts to give this world and I’m praying/sending my best thoughts for you as you navigate your future.
I love the way you phrased this: “Life’s not complicated, just follow the plan of happiness… and in my life there’s been nothing but complexity” YES!!! I feel this. My life has been very similar with intense and recurring troubles and experiences that similarly don’t just go away with “righteous” actions. The longer i’m out of church the healthier i get too. Thank you for your story 💛
Wow such an incredible experience and for your bravery in sharing. My heart was touched and hope you find peace and happiness.
Absolutely love that Tara was here to highlight all the intersectionalities she faced that caused so much pain. Without these minority voices we cannot know all the levels of pain that high demand religion causes - especially a religion so based on a white man’s perspective. If we can see it in religion, then maybe we can see it in society
I just want to give babygirl a huge hug.
Tara is brave ❤ for speaking out, staying here, living her life and building herself up
Thank you for speaking to the sad, depressing, confining plight of lds women who have a tiny box that they are told they have to fit in, even if the 'fit' is painful. It was interesting hearing how you could look around the chapel and see the sadness and resignation in other womens' demeanor. It's real.
I trauma-bonded with this interview! Thank you Tara.
I so resonate with this. Omg. I had my son at 20 years old. Married at 19 in the Seattle temple. And life stopped. So i jumped out!!! I get my husband. Took my son with me… then began four careers. My poor son i was full time career. He lived with his dad then my sister and her family. Then with me while i flew die the airlines. Did hair. Was a personal trainer etc. so yeah. I get it!!!!
I don’t think we should judge her mother. People have many reasons for giving up a child. Not saying I support it it’s also not my place to judge anyone’s life journey.
Thank you for sharing your story.
There is nothing but the self and everything is always in the moment. Whether one calls that God or something else doesn’t matter. I take it for myself that I am not my physical body but I am in this body and my consciousness makes this body alive. My consciousness is beyond “me” and everything I, my family, my society have attributed to me. Best wishes on the journey to the authentic self. Thanks to Mormon Stories for these introspective explorations.
Tara, postpartum is overlooked and has been for years, my mom when she had my sister, left her at the hospital in 1957, our dad had to go get her and with me 18 months later she had me at home an never bonded with me. My eldest sister raised me and she told me in my fourties’ that our mom never look at nor touch me as a child. Somehow I figured it all out and never held it against her, she acknowledged all of this with my sister and I the week she passed. What I can say if postpartum came between you and your children bonding, please know children pick up on these things.
Such a great series with lovely Tara. NeverMormon here. I got so much out of how she is processing the disappointments she has carried through her short life with such grace and determination. I think it is so hard to overcome your own "programming" and deal directly with the problems that others have brought to us without steeping in resentment. But she is doing it. I also loved her candor about the disappointments and struggles with pregnancy and motherhood. I'm alot older than Tara (my youngest child is her age) but I would have so benefited from this kind of perspective during my own young motherhood. Tara, if you are reading this I have a book I'd love to recommend to you. From what you've spoken about here, I believe you would get a lot out of it. It's a history of the idea of patriarchy, going back to antiquity. The Creation of Patriarchy by Gerda Lerner. It's a history book, quite old now, but you've stumbled into a lot of her conclusion in your story and you might like to see where it took her. Take care. John and Margi, as ever,✊thanks
Oh WoW, just WoW after watching part 1 and 2. No words, except for WoW
Seriously I was about to just comment WOW but you took the words out of my mouth, WOW is enough.