Oh yes. Thank you. Makes sense. I don’t know if he addresses it in the video, but it’s important how you handle them, so ideally, you would address it with the person and then if the person proves incapable, then you would disengage politely.
That's true, partner. Narcissists have very fragile egos and have extremely terrible self esteem, so when you set a boundary with them, they'll lash out at you because things did go their way or they take the word "NO" personally. These people are extremely emotionally immature, so I'd stand very clear from as possible.
@minnesotajude8447_and your dads alcoholism is a survival technique to deal with your mother. I think we had similar parents. Keep them at arms length. Look up stoicism. Learn about narcissism.
I've been where you've been Oliver, the people pleaser, I've don't countless things for family, friends, neighbours, remodernising thier homes and countless errands, I never asked for a penny for my efforts but once they've used you your dropped like a stone, never again👍
Summary: because you respect yourself, show up for yourself, deal in the truth, take responsibility, and refuse to wallow in victimhood, you dis-attract others who do not and you tolerate none of this in your relationships with others.
I grew up being nice because I didn't respect myself. I allowed disrespect to happen. When I recognize somebody disrespecting me now, I just say "don't talk to me like that."
Man. This is gold. My wife is a huge insecure minipulating person. Joelous at the mere sight of another woman. She will get silent without even telling me why. I need to ignore her the same I believe. I have no time for the constant negativity
Lots of respect for the work you are doing Oliver, I'm on a similar mission myself, this is the year momentum builds, keep changing lives brother you're doing some incredible things for so many. Sending love 💪💪
Appreciate you, mate. 2025 is a big year for all of us on this channel. The year we drop the mask and start claiming the life we deserve (not the existence others demand of us).
Hi Oliver, I'm not a man but this video is a great help! I've been out with men in the past who played games and were disrespectful and I don't tolerate it anymore as I have no time for this behaviour! Thank you for this video. Many blessings to you. ❤
Excellent advice and very true. Thank you for these reminders. You live and learn and trust me you never stop! I’m 61 and still learning. I was discarded by my narcissistic girl friend 4 months ago but I did not know what narcacism was! Now I’ve learned I can see ALL of what you say here applies to what I endured. I’m now in therapy and on my path of healing to become the better version of me.
Good for you brother. 61 also and was married to a covert narc for 23 years. I had no idea what a narc was when I divorced her(caught her cheating). Three years post divorce I'm finally finding myself, starting my own business and cherishing my peace and quiet.
Same here, gave her 9 years. Didnt even know what was happening until i started learning about that sort of behavior then it all clicked. Just now recovering and so glad there are others that are recovering from their pain and reclaiming their lives. Encouraging, stay up brother.
Big statement that mate & few understand “people are putting up with things their soul knows is not right but the social constructs are telling them it is & if you dont tow the line your be punished”
It's a good observation. All of this works for anyone who grew up learning to expect being disrespected, manipulated, etc. The disease of low self esteem has no gender. Neither does its cure.
Truly confident men, AND women for that matter, don't take other people's behaviour personally and don't get defensive when others don't live up to their expectations. Stop obsessing about your ego and you'll be happier regardless of how other people. And don't confuse niceness with kindness
I'm dealing with a "left on read" hot and cold situation right now and it's excruciating. Oh it's also long distance. It doesn't help that this person is the most attractive woman I've ever dated and I'm totally crazy for her, which I know isn't healthy. I should totally let her go but damn... it's hard.
Oliver, nice video content. I'm new to youtube just started a channel about life here in the UK and you just popped up on my screen. best wishes. Lottie
Being nice is good obviously it’s more about not being genuinely assertive and confident. You can obviously be both. We need to refine the wording and narrative that we use around these concepts.
It's hard because I grew up alone with a mother who had this behaviour (these behaviour confident men don't accept) and even though I am on the path of healing it's hard, having borderline personality traits and adhd as well, to find right guys, and to not think that I am repelling to green flag guys
It's not about confidence that I don't put up with these people described in the video. For me it's about having wisdom to see and recognize the reality (toxic people) as it truly is from miles away. It's basically Vipassana mindfulness. It's analogous to always be mindful and observant of those things/situations that can set a house on fire and eliminate them. Don't wait for the house to catch on fire then react. It'll be too late then. Don't wait for someone to disrespect you then react. Your recognition is already too late.
You can't control what others will do. Your job is to reject relationships with those who won't respect you. Believe me, you will not miss them. When you do the work on yourself to be the best version of you, to be a person *you* esteem, you will find yourself attracting others that fit your standards.
Why would you outsource not having a voice to women or feminism? Women have their own stuff to deal with too. So whether it' a man or woman blaming the opposite sex for not having a voice is a cop out. We can only have control over ourselves, and even just that is hard enough.
I don't like this whole "nice guy" vs "confident guy" false dichotomy. It assumes that we get pushed around because we're not being "man" enough, and if only we would "man up" then we'd have succesful relationships with women. The problem there is that it means trying to replace one power dynamic with another. The problem is that in relationships if you can't communicate your feelings and your boundaries, then the relationship will become toxic because there is no communication, and so you and your partner are living in parallel realities that cannot be bridged. It has nothing to do with being "nice". It's not a weakness to be "nice". If you're just being "nice" to keep someone in your life, that isn't "nice" at all. It's controlling and codependent behaviour, and it causes resentment, and the disrespect you receive actually stems from your own actions. The mature perspective on it is to realise that if you can't feel comfortable enough to just be yourself, or safe enough communicate your own needs, then there is no potential for a relationship, and you can just walk away. You don't have to change your "strategy". If most people understood this, much fewer people would actually stay in long term relationships.
I think you're conflating "confident guy" with immature masculine bravado. But clearly you do understand the toxicity of "nice guy". They operate a covert contract seeking to exchange unrequested favors for approval. The point is that "nice guys" need to stop approval shoplifting and only get that from within themselves. That's what a confident guy does.
I liked some of this, but to be honest when there is enough nonsense in your life, you see you want to respect people but you get very tired of bullshit. Forget confidence. Think about time. How much of it will you spend on not creating a life that is helpful to you and yourself... and not just that... just fun without hurting someone. And if it is something like MMA hurting someone with respect as they wanted that hurt. Nuance seems like a lost word.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
5 day "kill the nice guy" mini-course here: www.olivercowlishaw.com/free-mini-course/
I'm not nice guy, I'm a can't be bothered anymore with anything kind of guy.
1.- disrepect 2.- inconsistency 3.- manipulation or game playing 4.- lack of accountability 5.- draining negativity
You're welcome
Oh yes. Thank you. Makes sense. I don’t know if he addresses it in the video, but it’s important how you handle them, so ideally, you would address it with the person and then if the person proves incapable, then you would disengage politely.
Being nice was a survival technique to protect myself from my narcissistic mother and alcoholic dad. I didn’t realize this until I was 29 years old.
How you doing now brother?
That's true, partner. Narcissists have very fragile egos and have extremely terrible self esteem, so when you set a boundary with them, they'll lash out at you because things did go their way or they take the word "NO" personally. These people are extremely emotionally immature, so I'd stand very clear from as possible.
@minnesotajude8447_and your dads alcoholism is a survival technique to deal with your mother.
I think we had similar parents.
Keep them at arms length. Look up stoicism. Learn about narcissism.
I'm glad you got through some difficult times...best wishes from a newbie channel.
Yep narc mother set me up for some serious issues down the road.
I've been where you've been Oliver, the people pleaser, I've don't countless things for family, friends, neighbours, remodernising thier homes and countless errands, I never asked for a penny for my efforts but once they've used you your dropped like a stone, never again👍
Having a wife who volunteers you for. Helping her friends without consultation.
Summary: because you respect yourself, show up for yourself, deal in the truth, take responsibility, and refuse to wallow in victimhood, you dis-attract others who do not and you tolerate none of this in your relationships with others.
I grew up being nice because I didn't respect myself. I allowed disrespect to happen. When I recognize somebody disrespecting me now, I just say "don't talk to me like that."
Man. This is gold. My wife is a huge insecure minipulating person. Joelous at the mere sight of another woman. She will get silent without even telling me why. I need to ignore her the same I believe. I have no time for the constant negativity
That sucks. Sorry bro. Stay strong
you can't change her. you can change her behavior with boundaries. it might help her in the long run.
Lots of respect for the work you are doing Oliver, I'm on a similar mission myself, this is the year momentum builds, keep changing lives brother you're doing some incredible things for so many. Sending love 💪💪
Appreciate you, mate.
2025 is a big year for all of us on this channel.
The year we drop the mask and start claiming the life we deserve (not the existence others demand of us).
Hi Oliver, I'm not a man but this video is a great help! I've been out with men in the past who played games and were disrespectful and I don't tolerate it anymore as I have no time for this behaviour! Thank you for this video. Many blessings to you. ❤
Ah what a find this channel is, wish I’d found this in 2018. So so true. Subscribed, great work here thank you
Makes so much sense, spot on 👍
Thanks, mate!
Excellent advice and very true. Thank you for these reminders. You live and learn and trust me you never stop! I’m 61 and still learning. I was discarded by my narcissistic girl friend 4 months ago but I did not know what narcacism was! Now I’ve learned I can see ALL of what you say here applies to what I endured. I’m now in therapy and on my path of healing to become the better version of me.
Good for you brother. 61 also and was married to a covert narc for 23 years. I had no idea what a narc was when I divorced her(caught her cheating). Three years post divorce I'm finally finding myself, starting my own business and cherishing my peace and quiet.
Same here, gave her 9 years. Didnt even know what was happening until i started learning about that sort of behavior then it all clicked. Just now recovering and so glad there are others that are recovering from their pain and reclaiming their lives. Encouraging, stay up brother.
It's important to find inner peace and self love, that's what I've learned, and after a five year relationship breakup, ime learning to again
Big statement that mate & few understand “people are putting up with things their soul knows is not right but the social constructs are telling them it is & if you dont tow the line your be punished”
As a woman I feel this applies for me too
It's a good observation. All of this works for anyone who grew up learning to expect being disrespected, manipulated, etc. The disease of low self esteem has no gender. Neither does its cure.
The same with me!
there are so many places for women.
Thanks Oliver. I love you bro
Well explained.
100% agree. Just subbed.
💯💯💯💯All facts spit! Great video, 100% agreed.
Truly confident men, AND women for that matter, don't take other people's behaviour personally and don't get defensive when others don't live up to their expectations. Stop obsessing about your ego and you'll be happier regardless of how other people. And don't confuse niceness with kindness
Bingo bro.
All true. Zero tolerance to bullshit from anyone.
Thank you Oliver you help many.
Love ya ❤
I'm dealing with a "left on read" hot and cold situation right now and it's excruciating. Oh it's also long distance. It doesn't help that this person is the most attractive woman I've ever dated and I'm totally crazy for her, which I know isn't healthy. I should totally let her go but damn... it's hard.
Oliver, nice video content. I'm new to youtube just started a channel about life here in the UK and you just popped up on my screen. best wishes. Lottie
Being nice is good obviously it’s more about not being genuinely assertive and confident. You can obviously be both. We need to refine the wording and narrative that we use around these concepts.
I will define more clearly in future.
On this channel, nice = passive, agreeable and inauthentic.
Kind is what we're after.
I guess I am a people-pleaser type too. It's just that this would be a news flash to people who actually know me.
It's hard because I grew up alone with a mother who had this behaviour (these behaviour confident men don't accept) and even though I am on the path of healing it's hard, having borderline personality traits and adhd as well, to find right guys, and to not think that I am repelling to green flag guys
Same story here. Ended up attracting women like my mother as i dated. You’ll break the cycle in time
Mate, women in our age are difficult. We need to step up indeed.
The fact that nobody talks about the book Forbidden Money Behind Closed Doors talks about dark techniques how people attract money
💪🏼💯
Brilliant
I said….”I’ll try not to act crazy”
Epic content
It's not about confidence that I don't put up with these people described in the video. For me it's about having wisdom to see and recognize the reality (toxic people) as it truly is from miles away. It's basically Vipassana mindfulness. It's analogous to always be mindful and observant of those things/situations that can set a house on fire and eliminate them. Don't wait for the house to catch on fire then react. It'll be too late then. Don't wait for someone to disrespect you then react. Your recognition is already too late.
I like that perspective. Although I do question if it's truly possible to see all potential outcomes from miles away, regardless of how wise you are.
Constant disrespect?! Are you kidding me? One disrespectful behaviour is usually over.
Fine if you're just dating.
A whole other ball game if it snowballs deep into a marriage with kids.
Yeah but men have no more voice today, meanwhile Feminism teach women to step on men.
You can't control what others will do. Your job is to reject relationships with those who won't respect you. Believe me, you will not miss them. When you do the work on yourself to be the best version of you, to be a person *you* esteem, you will find yourself attracting others that fit your standards.
A lot of western women are problematic because of this movement. Why do you think so many guys go to Thailand, the Philippines etc.
Why would you outsource not having a voice to women or feminism? Women have their own stuff to deal with too. So whether it' a man or woman blaming the opposite sex for not having a voice is a cop out. We can only have control over ourselves, and even just that is hard enough.
Loser script.
Write a new script.
Does this apply to gay men in a relationship??
Of course!
In short: have boundaries against immoral people and actions, and dont lower these boundaries in ___ual relationships, or any other kind.
I don't like this whole "nice guy" vs "confident guy" false dichotomy. It assumes that we get pushed around because we're not being "man" enough, and if only we would "man up" then we'd have succesful relationships with women. The problem there is that it means trying to replace one power dynamic with another. The problem is that in relationships if you can't communicate your feelings and your boundaries, then the relationship will become toxic because there is no communication, and so you and your partner are living in parallel realities that cannot be bridged. It has nothing to do with being "nice". It's not a weakness to be "nice". If you're just being "nice" to keep someone in your life, that isn't "nice" at all. It's controlling and codependent behaviour, and it causes resentment, and the disrespect you receive actually stems from your own actions. The mature perspective on it is to realise that if you can't feel comfortable enough to just be yourself, or safe enough communicate your own needs, then there is no potential for a relationship, and you can just walk away. You don't have to change your "strategy". If most people understood this, much fewer people would actually stay in long term relationships.
You talk too much
No, check that, you think too much.
@bokehintheussr5033 You are absolutely right. Thank you for your contribution.
These are very wise words, you’ve summarised it nicely
I think you're conflating "confident guy" with immature masculine bravado. But clearly you do understand the toxicity of "nice guy". They operate a covert contract seeking to exchange unrequested favors for approval. The point is that "nice guys" need to stop approval shoplifting and only get that from within themselves. That's what a confident guy does.
It's not pronounced read mate, it's the past tense. It's pronounced "red".
I liked some of this, but to be honest when there is enough nonsense in your life, you see you want to respect people but you get very tired of bullshit. Forget confidence. Think about time. How much of it will you spend on not creating a life that is helpful to you and yourself... and not just that... just fun without hurting someone. And if it is something like MMA hurting someone with respect as they wanted that hurt. Nuance seems like a lost word.
Soslam.
"5 things confident men don't put up with" 1) RUclips advise videos
and yet you've got 500 views....
and yet, you're one of them
How many views have you got Brendan?
26000 plus subscribers. That's alot of people.
@@mezzuna none im not making any videos
@@Lewis-t7s two