Here are the two ways to work with me: 🛠 12-Week Pleaser-to-Leader Program (Free 15 minute call) Break free from people-pleasing and lead with confidence. More info at: www.olivercowlishaw.com/pleasertoleader/ 🎯 1-on-1 Breakthrough Session Book a powerful single session to get unstuck and find direction: calendly.com/ocowlishaw/clarity
*Build A Rapo (Rapport Building)* This topic came in my mind today when I was going for a walk 🚶♀️after having my dinner. 1. How to build a rapo with an authority figures in your life if you never got to do it? 2. How to express your needs inorder to feel recognized & understood? 3. How to get your needs fulfilled? If your childhood trauma survivor, lets make it happen.
1:38 saying 'no' without feeling the need to justify 2:50 stop seeking approval for every decision 4:41 don't run from discomfort 6:10 say what you really think 7:32 start prioritising without feeling guilty. Overall, live your own life without apology.
All the abuse and toxicity a man has to go through to become THIS strong! Thanks Oliver. You have helped me on my path to emotional freedom and healing.
I watch succession . Logan Said to Kendall -u are scared of conflict . Being comfortable with tension is so necessary if u want to be a person with spine.
Yep. I'm starting to realize that I have bottled up my feelings, needs and wants. Then when I inevitably get frustrated, my anger comes out all at once. It would be better if I know what I feel in the moment. That means that I need to know myself better.
God dammit Oliver, you really set me off. I also just realized that I stay alone all the time because I'm afraid of people's disrespect. So being a nice guy causes loneliness, exactly opposite of what I wanted.
Solid solid video man, really love the way you explained it all, it resonates with me to my deepest core of being. Thank you for doing what you do and sharing your wisdom with us who are searching to recover from all of this crap so many of us suffered from our entire lives. It gives hope to keep on going even though its real tough at times. The nuances that we never get from manosphere and red pill videos are golden. Perfect timing of the video as well.
1. "No" without explanations. Direct, unqualified. Backed up with teeth. No timid passive approval-probing ("if it's ok/unless it's not ok with you...") or fake-agreeableness ("I'd love to but "). Boundary setting with no apologies because you value yourself more than the other person's disappointment with you. 2. No seeking approval/validation from others for every decision. You don't need anyone else's acknowledgment/affirmation regarding the validity of your needs and decisions to meet them. Self-respect first. Respect and/or disappointment from others next. But validation is never the goal. 3. You can feel discomfort/anxiety in the face of a difficult situation or person, and not run from it. No avoidance strategies. You are willing to have difficult conversations, willing to bear an outcome of rejection or failure. You can stand in the fire and lead yourself out of immature, soothing avoidance. 4. You say what you really think. No self-monitoring, self-editing, filtering to avoid disagreements. No split attention. 5. Prioritizing yourself without guilt about "being selfish". Your needs and happiness do matter. You build the life and pursue the goals that align with your authentic self. Recovery is not loud. It is not a massive, grand gesture. It's quiet, subtle, powerful, and happens over time. The way water shapes rock.
Thanks for this piece of wisdom. I have a question though. How did you find the balance between being honest and being TOO honest? And by you I mean You, Robert. Thank you.
Good question! I've struggled a bit with (I think) being too honest or oversharing. Especially with women, it seems to be a very delicate balance. They want you to be open and vulnerable (and honest, of course), but it can backfire and make them go cold on you, or lead to misunderstandings.
You said you use to be in relationship with abusive toxic woman. If your current version of who you are right now is with one of those woman from the past do you think they will act different? or they will try blame-shift gasslight and try to do reactive abuse never the less, but you will just walk away instead of trying to solve the puzzle or reason with them
Here are the two ways to work with me:
🛠 12-Week Pleaser-to-Leader Program (Free 15 minute call)
Break free from people-pleasing and lead with confidence. More info at: www.olivercowlishaw.com/pleasertoleader/
🎯 1-on-1 Breakthrough Session
Book a powerful single session to get unstuck and find direction: calendly.com/ocowlishaw/clarity
*Build A Rapo (Rapport Building)*
This topic came in my mind today when I was going for a walk 🚶♀️after having my dinner.
1. How to build a rapo with an authority figures in your life if you never got to do it?
2. How to express your needs inorder to feel recognized & understood?
3. How to get your needs fulfilled?
If your childhood trauma survivor, lets make it happen.
1:38 saying 'no' without feeling the need to justify
2:50 stop seeking approval for every decision
4:41 don't run from discomfort
6:10 say what you really think
7:32 start prioritising without feeling guilty.
Overall, live your own life without apology.
All the abuse and toxicity a man has to go through to become THIS strong!
Thanks Oliver. You have helped me on my path to emotional freedom and healing.
i really respect how you seem to have turned your empathy from a weakness into strength
I watch succession . Logan Said to Kendall -u are scared of conflict . Being comfortable with tension is so necessary if u want to be a person with spine.
Hey man, I can see in your energy that your solid, strong frame and a clarity/alignment to embodying who you are. You are a example man! Appreciate it
Yep. I'm starting to realize that I have bottled up my feelings, needs and wants. Then when I inevitably get frustrated, my anger comes out all at once. It would be better if I know what I feel in the moment. That means that I need to know myself better.
I recently wondered out loud why people bully, disrespect and insult me so often. It's because a nice guy wouldn't fight back.
God dammit Oliver, you really set me off. I also just realized that I stay alone all the time because I'm afraid of people's disrespect. So being a nice guy causes loneliness, exactly opposite of what I wanted.
You are a good teacher! God bless you brother!🙏
Thank you! Greetings from Switzerland
Solid solid video man, really love the way you explained it all, it resonates with me to my deepest core of being. Thank you for doing what you do and sharing your wisdom with us who are searching to recover from all of this crap so many of us suffered from our entire lives. It gives hope to keep on going even though its real tough at times. The nuances that we never get from manosphere and red pill videos are golden. Perfect timing of the video as well.
Hello from the US.
Hey Anna. Happy new year.
@OliverCowlishaw Happy New Year!
love u man .. amazing stuff
1. "No" without explanations. Direct, unqualified. Backed up with teeth. No timid passive approval-probing ("if it's ok/unless it's not ok with you...") or fake-agreeableness ("I'd love to but "). Boundary setting with no apologies because you value yourself more than the other person's disappointment with you.
2. No seeking approval/validation from others for every decision. You don't need anyone else's acknowledgment/affirmation regarding the validity of your needs and decisions to meet them. Self-respect first. Respect and/or disappointment from others next. But validation is never the goal.
3. You can feel discomfort/anxiety in the face of a difficult situation or person, and not run from it. No avoidance strategies. You are willing to have difficult conversations, willing to bear an outcome of rejection or failure. You can stand in the fire and lead yourself out of immature, soothing avoidance.
4. You say what you really think. No self-monitoring, self-editing, filtering to avoid disagreements. No split attention.
5. Prioritizing yourself without guilt about "being selfish". Your needs and happiness do matter. You build the life and pursue the goals that align with your authentic self.
Recovery is not loud. It is not a massive, grand gesture. It's quiet, subtle, powerful, and happens over time. The way water shapes rock.
Thanks Oliver. Cheers.
You're welcome, mate.
My man, this spoke directly to me. Thanks.
Thank you, I think this is so helpful for men and women
Cheers mate. Greetings from 🇧🇴
Hi mate. Hope you're well. Happy new year
Awesome!
Recovering nice guy here. Well, at least I have some tendencies, mainly avoiding conflict and expressing my needs.
Great brother thanks for insight
You're welcome, brother.
10:55
Thanks for this piece of wisdom. I have a question though. How did you find the balance between being honest and being TOO honest? And by you I mean You, Robert. Thank you.
Good question! I've struggled a bit with (I think) being too honest or oversharing. Especially with women, it seems to be a very delicate balance. They want you to be open and vulnerable (and honest, of course), but it can backfire and make them go cold on you, or lead to misunderstandings.
Keep away from the energy vampires in 2025! 🎉🎉🎉
You said you use to be in relationship with abusive toxic woman. If your current version of who you are right now is with one of those woman from the past do you think they will act different? or they will try blame-shift gasslight and try to do reactive abuse never the less, but you will just walk away instead of trying to solve the puzzle or reason with them
I can't understand a word, does he speak American English
I think he's Australian.
@@MikeGathercole Sounds like regular UK English to me. Background looks very UK-ish too :)
@@snakedogman you're probably right.
He is from the UK.
@@MikeGathercoleNo, that's how we speak in England.