Great video. I’m 2.5 years into LDR with a heavy DA. I’m AP/FA. To me a goodnight/morning msg is super important and if my DA doesn’t do that sometimes, I notice it really really effects me day/mood. He knows I like it from him so he does it pretty consistently and I see the effort he makes for me but I’m learning not to expect perfection from him. Those kind of msgs don’t mean as much to him. We are committed so he doesn’t see the big deal if he skips a day due to him falling asleep or being super busy.He is there for me. But in my mind I think “omg how can he forget about me?!” Haha this video is so accurate and I can definitely relate.
Same friend! I'm AP, SHE'S DA!!!! I said the same exact thing! Good morning & good nights are the most important to me! Dam if the poor girl falls asleep! I get the worse anxiety ever!!!! 🙏🫶🤍
Holy hell. Yet again, I wish I had known this as an FA for my ex DA long distance. It's exactly what she wanted. I just didn't know her style, and didn't know my own back then. Thank for teaching me this for the future (if there is one)
Hehe my DA best friend and I. We get along so well now that we are from afar even though we have been friends for 16+ years. When I was an FA, we used to constantly bicker about random stuff while I was in Ethiopia. Ah good times
Fairly new to the channel still. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 7 years (1 same state/city 6 long distance). Both of us are 38 and attachment styles are secure mostly but during conflict I the "anxious" and she the "avoidant". Last couple of weeks we've been having serious conversations concerning the future like who would be the one to move, the issue of children (I'd like to have one but she's not sure) and other things that have come up in the past. Since watching your videos, which are like you calling a play by play lol, I've been able to express and communicate with her alot more effectively my wants and needs which is leading to more productive conversations over all, so thank you very much for that. Also, the videos are helping me confront my own childhood issues that I won't go into too much detail here but was a very turbulent up bringing to say the least. So for both of those things, I wanted say thank you and I wish I would've found your channel sooner
My boyfriend leans DA and I FA. We live 100 miles apart and see each other every 2/3 days. We're single parents of two sets of teenage boys and neither of us are able to move till they're all out of high school. We argue sometimes about some sensitive issues and I am still learning to be extra careful with my words while also communicating my needs/boundaries as he is ultra sensitive to anything that seems even slightly critical. I've noticed that even if we make up shortly after an argument, it'll re-emerge for him during our time apart and he'll eventually talk about ending things because he thinks I'll never be happy. This triggers my fear of betrayal and abandonment tendencies as it reinforces that wound. I've tried explaining this and I think it's starting to make sense to him but still happens every now and then.
Close physical distance with emotional closeness. Find out each others love languages. Find creative ways to meet those needs in each other. Note to self
I tend to be an AP but I’ve been working on myself for years trying to become more secure. I was in a 2years LDR. I tried all of your precious suggestions and I believe I’ve done it with kindness and understanding. But he left me 6 months ago because I think he saw my attempts to create intimacy as pressure. He also didn’t want to see me, disappeared for days at a time without warning and got very uncomfortable when I tried to bring up closing the distance gap. I don’t like to put labels on people or to diagnose them (I’m not a professional), but this BU hurt me so much precisely because I’ve tried to do all you said to be healthy and it still didn’t work
You were doing the right things, Sweetheart. You were just dealing with a person that did not want to heal and grow like you did. Don’t beat yourself up. A REJECTION IS GOD’S PROTECTION. Keep focusing on loving and healing yourself. Have patience and empathy for yourself. The fact that you realize you have a problem and is actively working on it is a HUGE STEP! BE PROUD OF YOURSELF! YOU’VE GOT THIS! 🙏🙌💯❤
Can you please do a video on how the fearful avoidant attachment style goes through a breakup more in depth? my FA ex (im AP) broke up with me about 5 months ago. I know you have made a lot of videos on how they feel when the breakup first happens. but what what about months later? he was very cold when we broke up. we have not spoken since we broke up which is crazy to me. nothing bad happened for us to break up (no cheating or anything like that) -- it was kinda out of the blue but we were both still very much in love when we broke up
This is a nice way of saying DA’s don’t care one way or another because they are surface, superficial or already cheating and practically in a relationship with themselves over anything while AP’s are predominantly relationship focused and put too much energy into others instead of themselves. All of these styles have issues that makes secures look like the only relationship partner that’s not a headache or anxiety producing.
Hi Thais, Great video - as always! So on the money its almost hilarious at this point! lool You mentioned having a course on LDR in the school but I'm unable to find a specific one. Would it be possible to create one, please? Thank you again!
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Hi! thanks for the reply but I've come up with an error message instead! "SEARCH RESULTS Oops! We couldn't find what you're looking for. You can try another search term or select 'Clear Search' above!"
I am a secure attachment in a long-distance relationship with a DA. We listen together however secure style in hardly ever addressed. Could it be discussed more?
Proximity equals continuity. This can build the roots of trust..Someone you spend time with on a regular basis that has a long term strategy. Committment minded. Has a definite plan to integrate you completely into their life and relocate in a fairly short period. Otherwise it's a long drawn out FWB situation.whereupon it's mostly a cyber relationship. Artificial intimacy. Its not real until you spend considerable time together in person experiencing many different situations. Long distance dating. The majority of time it doesnt work. Most people do not want to relocate. Choose reality not fantasy. Abundance is where you live. True Intimacy is in person. The people that matter most are in our inner circle.
I just don't see the point of long distance relationships at all. Why would anyone want to put themselves through this? With 7B people on the planet, it's just as easy to find love locally than to torture oneself with the uncertainty and other detriments of long distance "relationships."
It’s short term, I like them because I can be self reliant and still have an emotional connection and the visits are very exciting for me, but they have to end at some point I like the anticipation makes me value the person even more !
Great video. I’m 2.5 years into LDR with a heavy DA. I’m AP/FA. To me a goodnight/morning msg is super important and if my DA doesn’t do that sometimes, I notice it really really effects me day/mood. He knows I like it from him so he does it pretty consistently and I see the effort he makes for me but I’m learning not to expect perfection from him. Those kind of msgs don’t mean as much to him. We are committed so he doesn’t see the big deal if he skips a day due to him falling asleep or being super busy.He is there for me. But in my mind I think “omg how can he forget about me?!” Haha this video is so accurate and I can definitely relate.
Thank you for sharing! ❤
Run away fast and far, far, away.
Same friend! I'm AP, SHE'S DA!!!!
I said the same exact thing! Good morning & good nights are the most important to me! Dam if the poor girl falls asleep! I get the worse anxiety ever!!!! 🙏🫶🤍
I love how Thais explained the positive sides of each attachment styles before explaining the challenges!!
Holy hell. Yet again, I wish I had known this as an FA for my ex DA long distance. It's exactly what she wanted. I just didn't know her style, and didn't know my own back then. Thank for teaching me this for the future (if there is one)
Jeez I could cry. I knew I couldn't trust well, but it's so strange hearing someone describe you so well, flaws n all. But also just too late
❤
I’m in a LDR and it’s actually been a great way for me to keep my I dependence but stay connected. I am excited for him to move here though ❤
Thank you so much Thais.
Communicate what we need *when* we need it. Major Key 🗝️🗝️. Note to self
Hehe my DA best friend and I. We get along so well now that we are from afar even though we have been friends for 16+ years. When I was an FA, we used to constantly bicker about random stuff while I was in Ethiopia. Ah good times
❤
Communicate your need to unplug /be alone *before* you go, this is a Major Key to undo the toxic self defense cycle. Note to self.
If you are currently, or have been in a Long distance relationship before, what was/s your experience with trusting from afar?
Fairly new to the channel still. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 7 years (1 same state/city 6 long distance). Both of us are 38 and attachment styles are secure mostly but during conflict I the "anxious" and she the "avoidant". Last couple of weeks we've been having serious conversations concerning the future like who would be the one to move, the issue of children (I'd like to have one but she's not sure) and other things that have come up in the past. Since watching your videos, which are like you calling a play by play lol, I've been able to express and communicate with her alot more effectively my wants and needs which is leading to more productive conversations over all, so thank you very much for that. Also, the videos are helping me confront my own childhood issues that I won't go into too much detail here but was a very turbulent up bringing to say the least. So for both of those things, I wanted say thank you and I wish I would've found your channel sooner
@@christaferduran3952 Thank you so much for sharing and glad the videos are helping :)
My boyfriend leans DA and I FA. We live 100 miles apart and see each other every 2/3 days. We're single parents of two sets of teenage boys and neither of us are able to move till they're all out of high school.
We argue sometimes about some sensitive issues and I am still learning to be extra careful with my words while also communicating my needs/boundaries as he is ultra sensitive to anything that seems even slightly critical. I've noticed that even if we make up shortly after an argument, it'll re-emerge for him during our time apart and he'll eventually talk about ending things because he thinks I'll never be happy.
This triggers my fear of betrayal and abandonment tendencies as it reinforces that wound.
I've tried explaining this and I think it's starting to make sense to him but still happens every now and then.
Mine broke up with me when I simply asked when we could close the circle on long distance one day. Dated 9 months. Both 31 years old.
Close physical distance with emotional closeness. Find out each others love languages. Find creative ways to meet those needs in each other. Note to self
Soo great as always! Such helpful information! You are true blue! Thank you 🙏❤️
I tend to be an AP but I’ve been working on myself for years trying to become more secure.
I was in a 2years LDR. I tried all of your precious suggestions and I believe I’ve done it with kindness and understanding. But he left me 6 months ago because I think he saw my attempts to create intimacy as pressure. He also didn’t want to see me, disappeared for days at a time without warning and got very uncomfortable when I tried to bring up closing the distance gap.
I don’t like to put labels on people or to diagnose them (I’m not a professional), but this BU hurt me so much precisely because I’ve tried to do all you said to be healthy and it still didn’t work
You were doing the right things, Sweetheart. You were just dealing with a person that did not want to heal and grow like you did. Don’t beat yourself up.
A REJECTION IS GOD’S PROTECTION.
Keep focusing on loving and healing yourself. Have patience and empathy for yourself. The fact that you realize you have a problem and is actively working on it is a HUGE STEP!
BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!
YOU’VE GOT THIS!
🙏🙌💯❤
I think he wasn't the right man for you
Can you please do a video on how the fearful avoidant attachment style goes through a breakup more in depth? my FA ex (im AP) broke up with me about 5 months ago. I know you have made a lot of videos on how they feel when the breakup first happens. but what what about months later? he was very cold when we broke up. we have not spoken since we broke up which is crazy to me. nothing bad happened for us to break up (no cheating or anything like that) -- it was kinda out of the blue but we were both still very much in love when we broke up
there are several longer videos in the actual PDS site. Honestly these RUclips videos don't do her knowledge justice.
This is a nice way of saying DA’s don’t care one way or another because they are surface, superficial or already cheating and practically in a relationship with themselves over anything while AP’s are predominantly relationship focused and put too much energy into others instead of themselves. All of these styles have issues that makes secures look like the only relationship partner that’s not a headache or anxiety producing.
Hi Thais,
Great video - as always! So on the money its almost hilarious at this point! lool
You mentioned having a course on LDR in the school but I'm unable to find a specific one. Would it be possible to create one, please?
Thank you again!
go to the webinar library and type in "distance" in the search bar and you'l find two webinar dedicated to this topic
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Hi! thanks for the reply but I've come up with an error message instead!
"SEARCH RESULTS
Oops! We couldn't find what you're looking for. You can try another search term or select 'Clear Search' above!"
Nevermind! I was looking in the courses section! I've got them now! Thank you!
Ah! I see in the comments the course is in the webinar library but where is that on the website? I don’t see that in the navigation. Thank you!
I am a secure attachment in a long-distance relationship with a DA. We listen together however secure style in hardly ever addressed. Could it be discussed more?
What is an "AP"? You keep throwing that out.
Anxious Preoccupied
Proximity equals continuity. This can build the roots of trust..Someone you spend time with on a regular basis that has a long term strategy. Committment minded. Has a definite plan to integrate you completely into their life and relocate in a fairly short period.
Otherwise it's a long drawn out FWB situation.whereupon it's mostly a cyber relationship. Artificial intimacy.
Its not real until you spend considerable time together in person experiencing many different situations.
Long distance dating. The majority of time it doesnt work. Most people do not want to relocate. Choose reality not fantasy.
Abundance is where you live. True Intimacy is in person. The people that matter most are in our inner circle.
I just don't see the point of long distance relationships at all. Why would anyone want to put themselves through this? With 7B people on the planet, it's just as easy to find love locally than to torture oneself with the uncertainty and other detriments of long distance "relationships."
Long distance relationship isn't meant for everyone
It’s short term, I like them because I can be self reliant and still have an emotional connection and the visits are very exciting for me, but they have to end at some point I like the anticipation makes me value the person even more !