DETACH FROM YOUR ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2024
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Detaching from anxious attachment is like removing a cloudy filter from your vision. It's amazing how it can change the way you perceive the world. Letting go of anxiety and embracing a more peaceful perspective is a game-changer.
You will know you’ve healed your anxious attachment when you no longer shame yourself for being anxious, but are your own best advocate and best friend and can see avoidant behavior for what it is: insecure, wounded behavior, that is not your job to fix, placate, or dance with.
You have to have a sense of self and belonging to yourself that is stronger than your desire to gain reassurance.
When you step back and look at the behavior that was then triggering you, it becomes obvious that the behavior is entirely not about you, and that bargaining with it and playing into it is not doing you or that person any favors.
Prioritize yourself, your life, and your goals. That is self worth, and in that it will become obvious through people’s actions if they intend to stay and build with you or to go.
A lot of avoidant behavior is baiting - it’s childish attention seeking in a backwards way. They WANT you to overreact so they have an excuse to pull away. And your reaction makes sense, given that the behavior is childish.
But don’t do it, don’t take the bait, don’t give them the reaction. Don’t do the dance. Let them go off and deal with their shit, it’s not your job to do it for them, and you are not going to change them by negotiating with it.
Thank you for this! ❤
Well said girl! ❤
This comment really helped me see my worth from a different lense and showed me I’m actually healing and I’m strong enough to stay away 💜❤️🩹 thank you 🫶
This comment really helped me see my worth from a different lense and showed me I’m actually healing and I’m strong enough to stay away 💜❤️🩹 thank you 🫶
This earth needs so much healing ❤️🩹
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank u 😂
Most definitely!
I’ve been overcoming anxious attachment by focusing on myself more and looking at things from a different perspective. If a person ghosts or treats you badly etc you’ll feel better about yourself just giving your energy back to yourself. Since doing this I’ve increased my income. I’ve accomplished a lot of things and this increased my self esteem and I tell myself I don’t deserve these kinds of behaviors.
Great video!!! You’ve helped me a lot.
I am 37 years old and always falling into the same kind of trap of dating/chasing an avoidant guy. No one has ever woken me up so clearly as Margarita does. It’s like she surpasses the slow logical brain and hits you right into the emotional/caring brain to open all our eyes and let us drop the infatuation with these unavailable men. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Margarita ❤
Last month I went through a lot of reflection on my anxious attachment and your videos actually supported a lot of my healing - I was ready to tell the world that I have healed my anxious attachment! 🤠😁
Then last night I woke up in cold sweat… I was obsessively thinking about how my boyfriend probably is always lying to me and seeing girls behind my back… I have never experienced this level of jealousy and trust issues before in my life. I watched one of your videos from earlier this year, and you reminded me that I should just focus on myself. And whatever happens, I can know I have done my best and that things are gonna work out.
Excited to watch this video, the timing is impeccable ❤
Hey! What video did you watch?
i feel like this only works if ur ok with being cheated on behind ur back unless u broke up
@@auralionasol2205 There is always a risk in relationships, but I know I can be happy and good whatever happens. Worse case I go through a heartbreak for a few months, which I know I can make it through.
You can’t live that way but also important to note you may be picking up on something. My gut has never been wrong either when I’ve felt that way. Don’t fight what you feel it may be a warning and we only see it after we leave that something was off and we felt that way for a reason. The wrong partner can bring all of this out for you
@@flagirl0315 How would you discern between anxiety and “gut feelings”? If I believed every anxious thought, I would be miserable.
In any relationship, there is an investment of time and energy, and also opening up to being vulnerable. But with every investment there is always a risk. The truth is anyone can cheat if they choose to. It’s rather this that makes me afraid, but nothing my boyfriend has done is suspicious.
Besides, I would rather take a risk on someone I have deemed trustworthy, because I trust my judgement. But, I also trust my ability to recover and come back stronger if something doesn’t work out.
What I realized in my case (AA) is that I have this very deep-seated feeling that I dont deserve more. I dont dare to aim higher because I am scared that I wouldnt be enough for a “good guy” anyway. This feeling sucks a lot. And when I choose bad this feeling of self-loathing gets even worse :( Got a lot to work on…
Oh my God same thing
As a guy who has been picking ‘bad girls’ for the same reason, I understand you. My self-loathing has made it so that I pick women who think the same of themselves and of me in return… truly a poisonous cycle to be in. Stay strong, stay patient, pick healthy habits/activities, and be true to you. That has been my mantra of late, anyway. I hope it helps. Take care ☀️
@@celticlaw253 thank you :)
SAME just feel like I'm not enough/ worth it. Such a LIE!!!!
It is horrible how I get anxious when a guy doesn't reply for a very long time (or plainly shows little interest in me) but then, when someone does, I get afraid of letting them get close and I start acting avoidantly. Anyone else?
thats a disorganised attachment style.
I've been anxious most of my life. My mother was and is awful. Always yelling and swearing and will get all angry over everything and nothing smh. So exhausting to be around an energy vampire that just brings bad vibes everytime your around her.
when u said "even if theyre doing some madness, you're still pursuing them" that was me for 4 months. my ex of 9 years was running away from me, dating and sleeping w someone else and i still forgive her and willing to accept her. but in the end, i gave up. its not worth it. i am the one who keeps pursuing, that person on the other hand, keep me to the side as an option incase it doesnt work out w the new one. it kills me. i am healing thanks to YOU
This by far is so true and I have come so so far from the double texting, needing closure, asking why, cry baby I used to be.
When you have a robust life, when you have little niches that allow you to give back to other people and cultivate communities like your friends, family, or support groups- you do heal.
I don't really get what time alot of guys I've been running into are on, like the trauma response games and the little shit test but I'm really not interested. it's a huge turn off to me, I make sure I properly fail or not participate at all and move on about my merry way-
Margarita said it in one of her videos that literally saved me "You only got one life to live on this planet, why would you want to spend it not choosing yourself"
Margarita i just want you to know that you’ve changed my mindset forever. I never even heard the term “anxious attachment” until I saw your video. It describes me to a T. You started me on the self discovery journey that I’ve always wanted to go on but never knew how to start. love you lots like jelly tots ❤️
Did it help you
I wish I knew all of this in my early 20s.
It’s sad that our mothers didn’t know how to teach us this, instead we learn through sad life lessons.
I’ve just been surviving, never stopped to access how my behavior was sabotaging my relationship.
I’m a guy and this resonated with me. Excellent video and so true. Why would you put up with this behaviour if you know your worth, you wouldn’t, it’s that simple!
Margarita, girl I was clapping and yelling “YES!” after listening to this! Girl, there is literally no one else on RUclips that I have ever found that deals the truth out like you do. This video is going to be on my playlist for many weeks to come to solidify the lesson . I’m training myself out of a fearful avoidant attachment that I’ve had most of my life up until now. Thank you so much for your presence. I wish I could say something more profound. Your videos are without a doubt, a breath of fresh air towards rapid transformative healing. You should totally partner with the personal development school that Thais Gibson co-owns, she is another heavy hitter that delivers content in a truly special way. I truly appreciate you both for the quality Content you bring to RUclips and life in general. Thank you
I didn’t realize what I was acting like until I dated someone just like me and I was like omg is this how I act. I was disgusted boy did that lil episode change. After him I realized that the min I get a sense like the communication isnt right or the treat me I get busy. Naturally busy because I just dont have time for basic treatment and I refuse to say a word we are just not a match and that’s okay.
You're better than a therapist.
Your words hit home like no one elses. I love your no introduction/ bullshit free straight to the point advice. I can see myself so hard in your descriptions of the anxiously attached, that it almost hurts. But I want to get better, I want to be happy, I want to have an anxiety free and healthy life with stable relationships and your own story gives me a silver lining of hope that it‘s possible to have this.
Thank you so much, I hope you know how much you help people like me!❤️
as an 18yo who've never been in a relationship i specifically choose to stay single because of my attachment style. as someone who have witnessed divorce at a young age, i realised the more healing i do and observations i make the better i understand myself as well as why certain people behave a certain way in relationships. i respect you so much for being so open because doing the inner work can be so hard yet it has saved me from negative experiences several times. your vids are so insightful and engaging, you're truly a gem of a woman!
I think it's beautiful that you're working on yourself when you're only 18. But nothing helps you truly discover your biggest trigger points like being in a relationship. And sometimes getting hurt and heartbroken is what truly makes us who we're 🙏🏻
@@IEVAKambarovaite omg yes you're so right abt this because i genuinely believe heartbreaks are like mirrors and it can make a person grow so much! i hope i become secure enough to see heartbreaks as the part of the journey instead of smth mortifying.. i guess it's all abt experiencing the ups as well as the lows that makes life meaningful ❤️
@@ashhmitaand you know what? Heartbreaks are mortifying. But I think love is worth it. Can't be too careful when loving 😊 I wish you fall in love head over heels
@@IEVAKambarovaite aww🥺 i'll definitely let u know when i do ;)
So my anxious attachment shows up in a slightly different way. If someone is treating me badly, I feel unsafe. So I’ll feel anxious. And I use that energy to try and get to the root of the problem and say “this is guilt tripping. You’re guilt tripping me. And I’d like it it stop.” But it’s not just 1 thing they do. It’s like 20 things. Covert contracts, setting me up to fail, manipulation, ect.
They sayid I just needed to learn to speak up for my needs………..no, I need to use that energy to LEAVE!
You have supported me so much with healing and overcoming. I am so grateful.
I knew the moment I pressed "play" you were going to talk directly to me today. Thank you. I so needed to hear this.
I really enjoy watching your videos. I didn’t know my attachment style before watching your content. After I understand what my attachment style is and the things I need to work so I can date in a healthy way. You have truly given me a better understanding on how to understand myself.
Margarita I’m a 23 y/o woman turning 24 this year and I’m so happy I found your channel. God bless you, this video along with the 5 type of woman men use spoke volumes to me as a quiet, “good girl” woman. And the weirdest thing is I have no childhood trauma which has probably helped me not reach the point where I’ve entered relationships with these men (just situationships ) BUT I still have anxious attachment and I think this can come from being naive when you have really nice parents and thinking everyone else will be that kind to you, so extending that kindness which just leads to people using you. It’s a weird line to navigate but I’m going to try and deal with it by being kinder to children, the needy, the elderly and people who deserve it and take a break from men, only a husband (a kind one) would deserve that. Anyways thank you again!
I swear you could be a psychologist! I love listening to you because it really helps me see from another’s perspective, especially hearing this from another woman. Thank you, thank you for posting and sharing your knowledge and insights. I know I’m not alone when I say that this wealth of experience and know-how is invaluable to everyone!!! ❤❤❤
Thank you lovely! I for sure could be. But I find it hard to take on peoples energy!
Girl when my anxious attachment starts getting the best of me, you know how to put it in it’s place!
Thank you for always making me self aware of my flaws and coaching us on how to be better, it makes me feel better that someone like yourself who has struggled with this can be real with her viewers about how terrible living in this state can be!
Please keep creating!
Thanks Margarita! I'm actually experiencing this now, I feel I'm healing this now, as I'm starting to feel so turned off when a man starts acting emotionally unavailable and unsure. 🤢
It changes when you start learning your worth and wake up from the Illusion.
Now, my next challenge is not even entertaining them AT ALL in the first phase. Learning to break up or reject them sooner (not 1-3-6 months down the line, save myself the emotional labor for nothing).. and being able to spot early signs of emotional unavailability from the 1st-2nd date and RUN* 🏃♂️ 😀 Run for the hills, ladies! 💗
*Can you do a video on this please - early signs? Eg. How to stay logical in early dating, when you're crushing on a waste of time guy/ putting him on a pedestal, projecting your fantasy 😅 Love your content ❤
I've only recently subscribed to your channel, but your videos have really helped put things into perspective for me. I love how you talk about what a secure attachment style person would accept/disapprove in their life. It acts as a wakeup call for me from dwelling in that anxious mindset haze. You are a gem! Thank you so much 💗
Thank you soo much Margarita, I needed this. Just want you to know that every video that you upload on RUclips are so deep and juicy. Sooo looking foward to watch every video!!🥰🥰
Saving this to watch it every time I forget! Bless you
I use a few mindfulness meditation practices from the book 30 Days to Reduce Anxiety by Harper Daniels to detach from my anxiety. It's critical to give the brain and body a rest from the influx of thoughts and just simply be in silence a little each day. Emptying the mind for a few minutes is important.
YES. i needed to hear this. i started dating again and ALMOST let myself get all in my head. so true.
You came up on my feed. I am a young, attractive 59 yo. I've struggled with a lot of these things. It's made me a loner. I accepted it and was 9kay with it, until now. You are talking straight to me I feel. I secretly yearn for connection, maybe a partner someday but I won't admit it. For years I only have room for friends. I started wondering why when a guy showed interest and for the first time in YEARS, I was intrigued but at the same time terrified. It showed in my behavior. I was tongue tied. Worried about what I said. It was awful. woulda shoulda coulda. It is torturous. So for a few days now I looked up how to act, texting yada yada yada... long story short, I'm glad I stumbled over you. You're perspective has totally made absolute sense of my whole life. Eureka moment!
Yes!! You articulated what I’ve been trying to tell my brother.
Thank you. You’re right on time with this message and I know I don’t personally know you, Margarita, but I truly do have love you for all you’re doing for us fellow ladies!💖
I read Attached and videos like this reaffirms what I’m trying to make stick in my brain 🙌🏻 once you realize your attachment style, it makes it so much easier to answer the “why” questions you may have about someone (it’s really about YOU) ❤
I love what you said about they’re no longer attractive to you. Might be in the beginning then it suddenly and then you’re like oh yeah, I get it.
This is one of your best videos yet. You're getting very clear, very helpful.
That message is much needed for men too who exhibit similar traits. Thanks.
This video came at the perfect time! Thank you for your advice , this was so helpful
Thank you for taking the time to include captions ❤
Sheesh. You make such a good point. I can tell I’m moving along because the old behaviors that had me in a chokehold are whatever. They don’t keep my attention because I’m learning that I deserve wayyyy better. Thank you for your videos ! They are so helpful
Love content that helps anxious attachments.
You helped me realizing I'm very slowly healing and I'm so proud of myself. Tysm!
I watched all your shorts and now I’m going to binge your videos. You have been so helpful in just a day. Thank you 🤍
You are so real and I appreciate your videos so much.
Margarita saving my life literally
This video came in just the PERFECT time , THANK YOU ❤
A million percent on the nose... thank you for reinforcing how far I've come, and being the voice in the back of my head pushing me further to healing x
that last part really set the tone for me and made me understand better the different attachment styles. them seeing it as someone always wanting them for something or something from them but as an anxious person it's me seeing them as them trying to get away fro m me. so interesting and informative! 💜
I love your videos. They’re so educational. I was on top of my game before I met this guy. It was short-lived and very painful. I’m having to take a really hard look at who I attract and who I actually hook up with. I’ve got a change me, more than anything it’s not about him it’s about me. Why would I have anything to do with a man that’s married and says he’s very unhappy and has been for a long time. I think 33 years is a long time to be unhappy, and not make a decision to move on. I’m out.❤
I love you and thank you so much for this video! It a so exhausting, I swear! I overthink everything, even if is everything ok, I m like, “ no, it a something there. I m sure they will leave me anyway” etc😢
Thank you ❤️ you’re helping so many of us! XoXo
I just found your channel and you are covering the topics I need and really helping me. Thank you
I wish millions of subscribers on this channel. For real. You're the realest of women I've seen online
Great video, Margarita!!
Absolutely beautiful content, Margarita! ❤
It hits me hard. Thank you!
Thank you for all your help ❤ you're amazing 🎉❤
This is so true. Oooo I love you so much for this.
THIS. Thank you Margarita!
Wow
I’ve watched my fair share of self help things in my day, but Margarita! You have a gift!💜
Thank you 💜
God bless you!🙏💜
I've been waiting for your video since 😊😊
I'm currently at the end of a 3 month long break up from a 2 year relationship-due to me being anxious and him most likely avoidant-and I listen to your detachment videos and feminine energy principles every day.
Thank you so much-you've helped me heal so much already, and I'm finally putting myself first. One day at a time ❤
Thank you for the videos, Margaritas! They are changing my life (specifically the anxious attachment vids). Would you consider to do an anxious attachment video through the lens of being married?
That’s a great idea actually ❤
❤I am 48 years old and for the first time in my life I found a peak of light leaning on clarity as to why I am the way I am and.. you changed things for me 🙏🏿
I bawled I spoke light into me
I felt every word and I am tuned in fully to me and will make this a journey of a life time
What got me Margarita.. is when you said whatever dream I have or project I’m working on I may as well hang it up and stop (the last part of the video) I got up hollering and bawling saying no no no I won’t do this to me any more
I will show up as the beautiful being that God created me to be
I love you ❤️
Another wonderful video. Thank you! Anxious attachment style here.--but I am learning to completely re-frame it. It’s about maturity and ability to be close and connected with another. I haven’t figured out yet how to apply attachment style to connection and closeness. What’s the link between the two?
I don’t understand the “tricks” methodology to getting someone to date-is that just for hooking up with someone? Where does connection come in?
What is connection? This is what it is to me (no matter my attachment style, I’m still a deep, thinking, aware, conscious, intuitive person with a lot to give a healthy relationship):
Do you want me to know you on a deep level? Do you want to know me on a deep level?
To be known on a deep level, you have to tell *yourself* the truth, and then you have to tell *me* the truth. You have to communicate vulnerably and honestly. You have to invest time and effort in the relationship. You have to be transparent and desire to share yourself with me--to include sharing with me your interests, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, corrections to mistakes, struggles, values, principles, ethics, habits, sincerity, emotions, hobbies, opinions, goals, etc.
Do you desire to learn and grow? Do you want to learn and grow with me? To learn and grow in our relationship, you have to desire my input and feedback and make changes which create a win-win for us and the relationship. And you have to share your input and feedback with me. And you have to have humility in the relationship as much as I do.
Do you want a commitment with me? You have to consider our relationship and your best self when you make choices and decisions. You have to have boundaries with yourself and with others. You have to be protective of yourself, the relationship and me. You have to harness your sexuality and apply it to our relationship. You have to see our relationship as a small business we run together.
It really is simple when both people have the above to give. To find another person like this, however, isn’t simple.
Thank you for your work.
Always worth listening to you ❤
Do you like Guns and Roses?
this helped me a lot, thank you so much.♥️
Needed this today thank you
I really liked this video. It makes so much sense ❤
Margarita i love you for real
You said what is my problem
Your speech is phenomenal and should written by gold
One of the best channel
Una persona ansiosa, se nota que aún mantiene ese patrón, aunque se muestre segura, porque el contenido de lo que enseña, es un modo de castigo, de sermón al final, y no de compartir únicamente. No nexesitamos castigarnos mas los ansiosos por nuestras elecciones, simplemente aprender ea ver el amlr en los pequeños gestos, sin estar queriendo 100% de la otra persona, aceptando que es un otro totalmente libre e independiente.
Ver el amor en los pequeños gestos no para justificar, sino para valorar. Y asimismo la confianza de ser amados
Thank you for this !!!!
I still have hope for my cheating ex even though i know she is not worth it. The fear of being alone is huge , bigger than getting betrayed.
Loved this ❤ thank you!
Perfectly explained. Thank you
Wow "Thank you "u made so much sense
thank you for these videos they help alot
Needed this! Thank you.
Thank you ❤❤ I love your content
I know these videos are largely directed at the ladies, but as a man just wanted to reach and say I’m finding these helpful! I am/was a highly secure man who got into a relationship with, what I understand now, to be a disorganized avoidant and it turned me into an anxious style at that time. I’ve since done, and continuing to do the work - It was horrendous and you then suffer the embarrassment afterward. Never experienced anything like it in my life, I’ve never held onto to somebody that didn’t like me romantically before, but for some reason that happened with her. Never again.
I lost a partner because of this attachment style and Im really heartbroken. I dont know how to handel that pain because I feel as if this breakup is 100% my fault 💔
Even if it is (which is highly unlikely) - this happened FOR you. This happened for you to move and to do something with it.
I understand completely. Same with me, even though I know that there were red flags . It was only a couple months but I fell hard. K desperately want to stop obsessing about it.
Relationships are a two way dance honey. Both parties play a role. Don't be too hard on yourself. Only a narcissistic partner will make you believe it was 100% your fault.
Thank you so very much. This is profound
This has been eye opening, thank you, been a man with anxious attachment it’s really hard, but this video is really good to understand, can you make a video with men been anxious and women avoidant?
From minutes 10 on I was like wow, I had never thought about it that way.
GIRL I LOVE U
Facts 💯
Thank u margarita :)
so on point
Came at the right time ❤
This came at the wrong time for me
Same here ❤
We are contributing to the situation
Thank you for making this video Margarita.
How does detachment fit in with setting boundaries? Would love to see a video on this. Great video 🧡
I needeed this, thank you
Wow wow .this is so good
Thank you
Hi Margarita, Can you do more content relevant to women who are already in a long-term relationship, to up-level their mindset / life / relationship further? Thank you xoxoxoxo
Thank you 🙏🏾
Love the shirt! I've seen GnR four times.