You don’t know how much I needed to watch this. It feels like this video was made for me. My partner and I broke up three months ago after four years together, and I’ve been struggling to find a way to move forward.
I completely understand. When my boyfriend left me after eight years together, I was lost and didn’t know how to pick up the pieces. That was until I found Father Akabu.
As a secure , I choose not to be engaged with D A's...Once they drop off on a dime with no communication, I shut the door...Healing is a choice.. If one chooses not to heal I choose to release you ...❤❤
So, avoidants. It is their attachment style. Meaning ONCE they get "attached" they begin avoiding the emotional connection. Meaning they ARE attached. Meaning they ARE in love. Meaning you acting this way teaches them to not get attached, not get close, get more distant. Because once they fall in love, you're going to HURT THEM!!
Finally realized that my past relationship I was in for 4 years has classic Dismissive Avoidance traits. Always push and pull away and caused me to have such anxiety! I appreciate your knowledge very much helpful. DA partner is exhausting and toxic, so never again no thanks. With your guidance it has given me insight to what to look 👀 out for to avoid DA!!
Amen; that’s an understatement! I have a fundamental issue with so much content out there who encourages or “teaches” people to cater and tiptoe around emotionally unavailable people. It’s like saying to these poor people that it is THEIR responsibility to change the dynamic, to control the uncontrollable only to lose themselves in the process. This is a travesty! I’ll repeat something that’s very important to me. People with severe insecure attachment, especially avoidants are NOT ready for relationships; they’re ready for therapy if they choose with a LICENSED psychotherapist who understands attachment theory.
@@A23-e9d i unfollowed someone who calls himself an avoidant specialist or something like that and he is one of these who tell you to tip toe, be gentle, speak their language. Yet, no content I could find on what an avoidant should do. I was secure who became insecure after dealing and being patient with an avoidant. Thankfully I’m working my way back.
Not always. That's more emotionally immature or narcissistic people. Me and my partner of 2 years are both dismissive avoidants, we value and appreciate each other so much, we are self aware and deal with our own issues. It's still hard though, but if you care enough about yourself (receiving love) and the other (giving love), you'll do what it takes to grow and evolve. Being dismissive avoidant isn't synonymous with being a horrible, insensitive person.
Being a dismissive avoidant definitely does not mean that someone is a horrible person.. but it does mean that often we are dealing with an emotionally unavailable person who tends to think only about herself/himself in the moment when deactivating/triggered. It also means that s/he has the capacity to drop a partner abruptly like a rock and pull the rug from under their feet absolutely shattering their heart. Ironically, this typically happens EXACTLY because the person was loving and intimacy was building… severely insecure attachment styles especially avoidant aren’t really ready for relationships they’re ready for therapy with a licensed therapist who understands attachment theory. They either build relationships with toxic or unavailable people which makes them feel safe or become wrecking machines for the poor ones who believe their love bombing, the shared fantasy at the beginning. I am sorry but the answer is not surely to cater and adjust for emotionally unavailable people; the answer is for them to become more secure in their attachment. It’s freaking hard and unfair for a secure or mildly anxious partner to walk on eggshells only to be thrown to the curve.
I agree and disagree. I agree that DAs need space for them to feel relief, not being under pressure and if their partner doesn't let that happened it will only make things worse but this need for time alone should be communicated clearly to the DA's partner (it's basic respect). On the other hand, during this time alone DAs live in their own world and will forget about their partner (if they don't live together off course) and they will not reach out to see their partner unless something makes them think about their partner. And if it is the partner who reaches out, they will feel under pressure again and will dive even deeper in their bubble of solitude (the partner is more and more frustrated) or they will end the relationship as a protest behaviour . So, you CANNOT win with DAs who are not actively working on themselves : you give them space -> they forget you ; you don't give them space -> they feel under pressure and run away. If you are dating a DA make sure they are working on themselves otherwise you will be crushed by their disfunctional ways even if you love them with all your heart (it will only make things worse, trust me, I know).
Being a dismissive avoidant definitely does not mean that someone is a horrible person.. but it does mean that often we are dealing with an emotionally unavailable person who tends to think only about herself/himself in the moment when deactivating/triggered. It also means that s/he has the capacity to drop a partner abruptly like a rock and pull the rug from under their feet absolutely shattering their heart. Ironically, this typically happens EXACTLY because the person was loving and intimacy was building… severely insecure attachment styles especially avoidant aren’t really ready for relationships; they’re ready for therapy with a licensed therapist who understands attachment theory. They either build relationships with toxic or unavailable people which makes them feel safe or become wrecking machines for the poor ones who believe their love bombing, the shared fantasy at the beginning. I am sorry but the answer is surely NOT to cater and adjust for emotionally unavailable people; the answer is for them to become more secure in their attachment. It’s freaking hard and totally unfair for a secure or mildly anxious partner to walk on eggshells only to be thrown to the curve in the end. For these reasons, I respectfully disagree with the logic of this video.
TBH even as a moderate DA I agree with a lot of what you are saying. But just to give our side of the "walking on eggshells" comment because it comes up a lot - please remember that strong emotions trigger as danger for us. Anxious partners seem more comfortable in their emotions (and that can be part of the attraction) but eventually it can feel like they are recklessly waving a loaded gun around. Anxious people need to acknowledge the power they have and the pain THEY can cause. Of course it is not "wrong" to feel as strongly as you do, but sometimes you just incinerate us with that intense heat & we have to retreat to the safety of being alone.
@@MilesIncognito: But even secure types can express their emotions quite freely..so it's not just anxious people. Secure people may know to tamp it down a bit but they're still expressive as people.
A brief comment/reply to the two preceding observations. It’s true that anyone can hurt anyone in relationships and nobody’s perfect. And surely, many - not only DAs - could benefit from therapy. However, dropping someone like a rock for the very things a DA has enjoyed and cherished at the beginning offering little to no concrete explanation as to why can be traumatising. I am sure you’re aware of the narcissistic cycle, love-bombing, devaluation, discard, hoovering. I am NOT suggesting that all DAs are narcs; No! But we know how traumatising these experiences can be and ultimately you’re not in relationship with someone’s intentions but with their actions. With severe DAs the devaluation/discard phases happen simultaneously. This can be blindsiding and brutal causing enormous pain. You can’t possibly make plans to have children, express your love, plan to live together and say “we are unstoppable” on Tuesday and then throw someone to the curve on Thursday over nothing and via text telling them “I can’t give you what you need”. This is insane and unless someone has been on the receiving end of this behaviour AND is emotionally available, ie truly has the capacity to love deeply and invest as opposed to having 9 out 10 toes outside the door, you can’t understand the impact of the discard. Severe DAs (and APs) aren’t ready for relationships, they are ready for therapy which includes self reflection which is something they avoid as it’s the polar opposite. Emotional unavailability is KEY! Everyone makes mistakes but some were never really present in the relationship at least in the way they indicated at the beginning.
@@robertdeskoski9783 of course they are! More importantly they are emotionally AVAILABLE!! That has been the whole point of my contributions so far; I have a fundamental issue with “teaching” people how to tiptoe around emotionally unavailable people. This ain’t the root problem; the problem is emotional unavailability, discards, and complete lack of self reflection and accountability. Until those problems are addressed, severe DA might be better to steer clear of relationships or be honest upfront; I am here to have fun but I attach to nobody.. proceed at your own risk. The even more demoralising bit is that DAs come across As genuine unlike many narcs… the devastation that follows is unprecedented.
Love love love your content!! Been following your channel since 2021 and I'm STILL learning something new almost everyday lol. Also I want to throw you a compliment... You look absolutely amazing! 😍. So beautiful ❤️
It's just not worth all this psychological s*** to deal with the dismissive avoidant, you damn near got to be a psychologist to date these people, and they care nothing about you and your feelings don't do it run
@@cspace1234nz haha yes! What’s funny is that they shift the blame on you and on their countless ex’s. It will probably take many years for the light switch to finally click for these sadistic people.
@@rosemary_of_aragon …I don’t believe they ever will, they are masters at….avoidance. Their innate ability to apportion blame allows them to avoid facing up to themselves and taking personal responsibility for their behaviours and actions.
@@rosemary_of_aragon lol I feel personally attacked. But nonetheless, I do feel for my bf. He is secure and I’m a DA and we’ve had many discussions about emotions and the like. He is so patient with me, so it just works. Even when he yells at me he never threatens to end the relationship even if I do, which makes me calm down and stop being a butt munch. He also knows when to give me space. I was down recently and we were driving in the car and so I wasn’t in the best mood to talk…he was however and was so happy and jolly that it started to annoy me. I told him he talks too much which prompted him to tell me that he came to see me so he could have some form of human interaction. I had to laugh and change my attitude because of his upbeat demeanor (I’m also an INTJ which probably doesn’t help). He’s not a pushover to say the least, but yes, I can only imagine the pain of dating someone like me. Takes someone who is truly secure to handle a DA at their worst.
… and on top of the previous comment, they’re very sensitive to the slightest criticism but when triggered they’re monitoring their partners like a hawk always looking for ways to disqualify them. They’re the masters of self-sabotage, so judgemental…
DAs may do well only on a superficial level of friendship. Once that friend needs real emotional support and empathy it's same story as with romantic level, they don't know how to handle it because empathy, emotional availibility, intimacy, selflesness... are all foreign languages to them. Besides in my experience the person with whom you constantly have to negotiate rules and needs in the relationship is not the right person for you. I'm not saying this should never happen but the level of effort that some coaches are describing is basically being both a babysitter and a therapist of your partner, at least those coaches who are giving you hopes that you can be in a romantic relationship with a DA/FA and be fulfilled. I don't believe in that.
I also don't believe in that. What makes you love someone who does not meet your needs /constatly have to advocate for what you need? It sounds like a compatibility issue to me.
I just could not imagine seeing someone I’m in love with once a week and being okay with that. My ex is a DA and we are in no contact as we speak. She told me she needs some time and space so cool. 🤷🏾♂️
I totally understand where you’re coming from; radical acceptance is key. Be strong (easier said than done believe you me I know…), hold boundaries and take care of yourself.
@@pythonpatrol1110 end of the day who really knows but based on our rapport, I don’t think she moves like that. She just needs to take some time to heal and at least put forth some effort on becoming more secure. Long as she is trying I can work with that, but we will see. As of right now I’m just focusing on me and mines.
One thing I would recommend too is to move off of referring to people as attachment styles. Thais shifted about a year ago to referring to someone as a dismissive attachment style, rather than referring to them as a person who HAS a dismissive attachment style. The second is not only accurate, it also feels less awkward.
I agree with you. The DA label can be helpful in diagnosing a type of behavior but the label can also be limiting. It neglects the fact that these are people. Whole entire people with their own lives.
@@AMNewbies I agree with you. Another is for people to think it is possible to "unpack and analyze " and offer comments like "Sounds like a Fa with a twist of DA when someone makes a comment about a person they have been in relationships with for a long time before adding a comment . People are a continum and take long observations to see patterns. Correction on forums are not healthy. Few weeks here doesn't make experts. Also, let's not believe all people sharing this experience are secure and well balanced people. It's a place to learn.
Extremely interesting and informative. It is also very sad. So basiclly to be with a DA, you have to be willing to have a relationship that has a lot of seperation so that they have there space. How do you ever get past the dating and into a long term relationship with them?
I wouldn't if I were you. I was in a 12 year relationship with a DA. We're in our early 40s for context. In February he moved out in the middle of the night while I was sleeping with saying a word, leaving a note, or sending a text. I was totally blindsided and thought everything was good between us. He told me, after moving out, that he felt there was a lot of distance between us. This 'distance' was me respecting his need for alone time and he does that when he plays his video games. When he was playing his games, I'd go to the bedroom to watch TV. He is the one who requested space when playing his games and I was simply respecting his need for time to himself. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Regardless of what I would have done, it was going to push him away.
@@HarryMcMillan-z4e, that about sums it up. And, I should add, you need to be ready for the separation to occur without any sort of warning or explanation beforehand and they'll simply gaslight you and blame you when they return. Keep in mind that it's common for a DA to also have Borderline Personality Disorder traits or BPD as a co-morbidity. These are all lessons some of us learn too late in the relationship or we just overlooked the huge red flags in the beginning because we cared about that person. I'm guilty of both myself. So, take it from me, if you've identified these issues with your partner and they refuse to be held accountable and seek treatment, get the hell away from them as fast as you can. They will put you through the the mind fuck of your life if you stay.
From what I get FAs and DAs see the qualities of their partner when they're not in touch with them (taking space whether it was voiced or not by the way). They suddenly see what the partner adds or brings into their lives. Compared to when they spend time with you where they feel a sense of obligation and can tell that you have expectations of them (triggers their core wounds). But for securely attached people or anxious ones, the lack of connection is a turn off.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Watching this (and ignoring the comments) because…trying to understand this side of myself and someone who seems to be mutually attracted to me. I’d bet money we’re both FAs. And now that I’m in closer proximity to them for my own goals that them pursuing theirs kinda gave me the inspiration I needed for mine? It’s like we’ve flipped. The distance before felt like a skipping record to me, and made me anxious. They had their own distortions and others pressuring them, so the end result was avoidance on their part-we cleared that up. But now that I’m here, they’re definitely wanting to show up more in what feels like both anxiety and enthusiasm…and now I’m feeling unsettled and push away. I won’t but. I literally do not know how to navigate this because I’ve never had someone want to have me around, let alone be clearly attracted to the real me, and I just feel all knotted up like I’m gonna get trapped or abandoned especially over my asexuality or somehow scapegoated once again by others outside this friendship (that is becoming even clearer does not function like a friendship at all and never has despite that’s what we fought for and insisted we wanted right now.) Which. Resources for sex repulsed asexuals are absolutely terrible under the guise of “every relationship requires compromise” but ultimately boil down to 1) give out and feel awful, 2) keep your boundaries but neglect your partner and deserve their resentment, 3) be nonexclusive, or 4) break up. Which. Just. Makes me feel even worse. Feeds the intrusive thought to sabotage to “spare” us both even though I already know their avoidance and my periods of silence to give us both our space after disagreements (that extended into a near no-contact since they were never going to break those periods, BUT after I broke the periods they were always more than willing to work things out) just. Hurt us both despite our best intentions acting that way. But…yeah. I had one not terrible but not good dating relationship as a teen, and only a handful of crushes ever that I never acted on. I am so out of my depth despite us both trying to navigate this as Friends instead of Romantic Partners for our own individual reasons.
Can you please make a series of videos regarding sibling relationships? I am a former AA now secure, my sister is definitely an avoidant (I'd say a FA). We have a much better relationship when apart. She calls, misses me, but when we are together, things soon turn sour. I am struggling with this a lot. She is not really into conversations (even though I open topics) so I feel kinda stuck. Thank you!
OK my ex FA discarded me 3 months ago. Wanted friends I said I can't. So I'm in no contact and she kept reaching out after 4 weeks .. Asking about my boys .. my parents etc Giving me compliments "Martin you will always be in my life in a big way" I asked two weeks ago are you open to possibilities of rekindling . She went silent then next morning im blocked. We were very emotionally connected and bonded she told me things she's never told anyone else .. she was able to be vulnerable with each other. She did say in the beginning she feels unlovable .. 40 years of walking away Do FAs unblock and reach out ... I'm moving on I'm OK Im just interested in patterns. This is all new to me
Yes, they do but not always. You say after 4 weeks she kept messaging. If she felt you weren’t interested while she was making herself vulnerable, that likely caused her to get triggered when you reached out. Also, FA’s need to be brought back slowly, not too cold or hot, or they get shut down and deactivate. Unless she’s aware of attachment style AND getting help, it’s going to be the same thing over and over with you or anyone.
yes they do, after one month, 2 months, weeks, depends how bonded that person is to you, so she reaches out, you let her back, get closer, her traumas and inner fears are triggered by your closeness, she retreats and leave you again craving for more, then cycle repeats.... DUDE MOVE THE F.... OUT, save yourselt from the pain and suffering.
Hi! My DA guy doesn't respond well when I tell him for instance that it's ok for him to aks for some time alone. I do that when I sense he's a little suffocated :) And he says "no no no I don't need time" and then he forces himself to connect more but he's obviously in discomfort. I don't know how to manage that, because I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him away. Some other times he simply lies about being busy with repairing smth but he's out playing tennis. I don't know why he feels the need to lie, I would give him that time anyway. He's a great guy, very supportive and warm but he does these stupid things like lying sometimes!!!
How is you know you guy is a DA? If one know they are DA then they are aware and can mitigate the problems and either fix them or become a toxic person who does not care. My guess is most people are not aware.
Does this happen if they started a new relationship? We were together for 7 years and technically broke up one year a go but still are in contact daily and hang out sometimes
Thais, great timing for this video! I’m struggling with whether I should reach out to my DA ex, it’s been 5 months since I said we couldn’t be friends anymore because I didn’t really process the break up 9 months previously, and was getting too jealous knowing they’re were looking to date other guys. I feel as I was the one who rejected their friendship and said I needed space, that I should at least open the door 🤷🏻♂️ Or just leave it?
Ah yes, I remember you made a similar video on this topic a while back. I'm securely attached with Avoidant leaning traits and I do in fact like my time away from my partner(s). I want balance in my life, so I like to have my relationships (casual or serious) and have my hobbies and interests (martial arts competition). I typically fall in love with someone who has a balance in their personal and romantic life as well. That is, they have hobbies and interests they pursue, yet still make time for their romantic life. That said, due to past experiences with partners who had no life outside of their romantic relationships, I've learned to look for people who have hobbies and interests they pursue. When they didn't have these things, they tend to smother me and I get overwhelmed. In fact, I see it as a red flag if someone doesn't have any hobbies or interests outside a romantic relationship. As the old saying goes, "if they have no life before the relationship, their life becomes the relationship."
Totally agree with you until a point: once the relation starts to get closer in a (natural and general way) like: meeting family/friends, planning a future, travelling, living together, getting married, having children...etc those moments can end the relationship from a DA. I don't know if you are a real secure attachment or a DA/FA, but I can tell you that in what you said you are 100% right, the problems come in other situations where the "romantic relationship" becomes "friendship" due to the lack of intimacy, vulnerability, reciprocity, compromise, support( emotional) or emotional closeness... Even being a secure you would be annoyed in a point that you are in a romantic relationship because of the emotions, not the space or the time.
@@konkosko5878 from reading stories and traits of the DA, I agree with you to an extent. I've heard enough stories and paid enough attention to know the classic signs of DA behavior. While I do exhibit SOME of those traits (hyper independence, logical thinking, and enjoying casual relationships), I don't have a problem with things like moving in together, meeting family, and marriage. I simply have conditions for how those things will take place. For example, if we do move in together, I'd want us to be able to live independently of each other in case of a breakup. So there have been times I've turned down moving in together for these exact reasons (sometimes it was me, sometimes it was her). I also don't consider marriage before the 12-18 month mark and we must love together for at least a year whilst we're engaged (never got this far btw). In addition, I require a prenup in order for marriage to take place. Finally, I'm not an emotional person, I'm a logical one. I have no problem facing and discussing the problems in a relationship, but I don't discuss emotions unless it keeps me in my masculine frame or it makes me more confident. If it doesn't do those things, I keep it to myself. I also don't share my thoughts all that much either. I'd much rather keep things fun, fresh, and exciting.
@@UnacceptableTee I just developed a mindset that stopped caring what others thought about me. One of my favorite quotes (which is actually my quote) is, "live in defiance of those who hate you."
Thais, I need help. I am an anxious/preoccupied male in love with a D/A female. This entanglement happened way before I knew anything about attachment theory and now it's too late for me to get out. Her trigger for me is so strong that I really feel like a fish with the hook deeply embedded and I can't get off the line. Sounds pathetic, don't it? But that's the situation. So I want to turn the tables and I want to be the fish that catches the fisherwoman. Is it possible? If so, I will need your help. Please reply.
How is everyone in comment knows their partners attachment style. I only know mine. I could guess for others but I'm not in their minds so I can say. When I found out mine was Secure it was with psychologist. It wasn't a internet quiz, those are unreliable. A lot of questions are same but with psychologist they aren't multiple choice. Each question was discussed. We talked about family history. Childhood, major life events. I do quizzes online and get different results all time. I find the quizzes might be help in seeking support of a therapist trained in attachment theory but not for self diagnosis or diagnosing others. You can be secure attachment and still create a toxic relationship with others. Secure don't make you immune to being toxic or shield you from toxic people.
@@chrismaxwell1624 I think you answered me earlier, I don't diagnose people, this chanel is not for that, I'm using it to get informed and learn how to navigate through smth that gets difficult at times. I happen to care a lot for my partner and I try to understand him and to make it work. I am a securely attached person m self and yet I don't know how to react sometimes. If someday I get burnt, well... That's on me!
Well. It's not true. At least in my case. She broke up with me twice and that was straight away after my one week and two week holiday. She was missing me badly when i was away and i think that triggered the fear inside her. She got scared and discarded me. Or maybe she felt abandoned. Who cares? No matter what you do they will always find a reason to dump you. They are fucked up people who dont do self relection at all. Avoid them
My FA gf hasn't talked to me in 3 days but watches all my stories daily as soon as I upload them as if it's her mission. I upload in the morning/at night and she'll always watch. Is it smart to not upload anything to try and force her to actively engage with me? I feel she thinks she can maintain the connection this way and this is why she's in no rush
@@Extramentalist usually she replies but I did send her a "what's up" 3 days ago and this is what she didn't reply to. But I have been uploading stories almost daily and she's just there man
@kylel4971 same. Earlier in the relationship she would respond quick but not anymore. She wouldn't even respond to good morning but sometimes she says good afternoon
@@Extramentalist yeah exactly. We'd always start our day saying good morning to each other but it appears we've moved on from that. We've also had more emotionally charged situations since so I get why she keeps avoiding. Last time she did that she was gone for a week and then she came back saying she was sorry. The closer we got to each other the more she does this but I do feel like the stories part is very significant as in her mind she's passively engaging with me during that time. Once she even liked a story and still didn't reply lol
Then why don’t they contact you back after you’re the one who broke the silence? 😢 I’m a FA & ended things a year ago & reached out a few weeks ago & nothing.
If the person is dismissive avoidant, for your own mental well being please do not contact that person again. Block them and leave the past in the past. Work on yourself.
*I love the grounded reality of this channel!!!* Retirement took a toll on my finances, but with my involvement in the digital market, $47,000 weekly returns has been life changing. AWESOME GOD❤️
Only God knows how much grateful i am. After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
As someone who has almost exclusively dated DA men, they definitely appreciate you more once gone than when they have you. If you're not careful you end up in a hot and cold on and off relationship.
Just so happened I only watched the previous video yesterday, so when I started watching this I was like "this sounds very familiar!" Thought I was losing my mind. :)
@@firstnamelastname-ve9gj Shift the focus on to yourself! Go do things for yourself, set goals, surround yourself with amazing people! Ditch that loser.
Thais, You totally unlocked the code for me in what's best for me. I am glad the thoughts and feelings in what I need to do in order to be successful. Thank you!
You don’t know how much I needed to watch this. It feels like this video was made for me. My partner and I broke up three months ago after four years together, and I’ve been struggling to find a way to move forward.
I completely understand. When my boyfriend left me after eight years together, I was lost and didn’t know how to pick up the pieces. That was until I found Father Akabu.
Father Akabu? I’ve never heard of him, how did he help you?
He’s a spiritualist who works on restoring relationships. He gave me the clarity and support I needed, and he even helped bring us back together.
Thank you so much for sharing, I just looked him up, and what I see is interesting. I feel like this is exactly what I’ve been needing.
@@LindaRWest-l4g Don't fall for the scam, guys.
As a secure , I choose not to be engaged with D A's...Once they drop off on a dime with no communication, I shut the door...Healing is a choice.. If one chooses not to heal I choose to release you ...❤❤
100% agreed!
Healthy
im shutting the door this Sat
Same here!
So, avoidants.
It is their attachment style.
Meaning ONCE they get "attached" they begin avoiding the emotional connection.
Meaning they ARE attached. Meaning they ARE in love.
Meaning you acting this way teaches them to not get attached, not get close, get more distant.
Because once they fall in love, you're going to HURT THEM!!
Finally realized that my past relationship I was in for 4 years has classic Dismissive Avoidance traits. Always push and pull away and caused me to have such anxiety! I appreciate your knowledge very much helpful. DA partner is exhausting and toxic, so never again no thanks. With your guidance it has given me insight to what to look 👀 out for to avoid DA!!
Yup they are psychologically abusive.
Amen
Amen; that’s an understatement! I have a fundamental issue with so much content out there who encourages or “teaches” people to cater and tiptoe around emotionally unavailable people. It’s like saying to these poor people that it is THEIR responsibility to change the dynamic, to control the uncontrollable only to lose themselves in the process. This is a travesty! I’ll repeat something that’s very important to me. People with severe insecure attachment, especially avoidants are NOT ready for relationships; they’re ready for therapy if they choose with a LICENSED psychotherapist who understands attachment theory.
@@A23-e9d i unfollowed someone who calls himself an avoidant specialist or something like that and he is one of these who tell you to tip toe, be gentle, speak their language. Yet, no content I could find on what an avoidant should do. I was secure who became insecure after dealing and being patient with an avoidant. Thankfully I’m working my way back.
@@A23-e9d, that's the problem with this video. It teaches no accountability to the DA.
Yeah, they fall in love with absence, & when you return, they will devalue you
😅😂🤣💯
Rt. In love, temporarily. Lol smh
Not always. That's more emotionally immature or narcissistic people. Me and my partner of 2 years are both dismissive avoidants, we value and appreciate each other so much, we are self aware and deal with our own issues. It's still hard though, but if you care enough about yourself (receiving love) and the other (giving love), you'll do what it takes to grow and evolve. Being dismissive avoidant isn't synonymous with being a horrible, insensitive person.
Being a dismissive avoidant definitely does not mean that someone is a horrible person.. but it does mean that often we are dealing with an emotionally unavailable person who tends to think only about herself/himself in the moment when deactivating/triggered. It also means that s/he has the capacity to drop a partner abruptly like a rock and pull the rug from under their feet absolutely shattering their heart. Ironically, this typically happens EXACTLY because the person was loving and intimacy was building… severely insecure attachment styles especially avoidant aren’t really ready for relationships they’re ready for therapy with a licensed therapist who understands attachment theory. They either build relationships with toxic or unavailable people which makes them feel safe or become wrecking machines for the poor ones who believe their love bombing, the shared fantasy at the beginning. I am sorry but the answer is not surely to cater and adjust for emotionally unavailable people; the answer is for them to become more secure in their attachment. It’s freaking hard and unfair for a secure or mildly anxious partner to walk on eggshells only to be thrown to the curve.
Epic observation
I agree and disagree.
I agree that DAs need space for them to feel relief, not being under pressure and if their partner doesn't let that happened it will only make things worse but this need for time alone should be communicated clearly to the DA's partner (it's basic respect).
On the other hand, during this time alone DAs live in their own world and will forget about their partner (if they don't live together off course) and they will not reach out to see their partner unless something makes them think about their partner.
And if it is the partner who reaches out, they will feel under pressure again and will dive even deeper in their bubble of solitude (the partner is more and more frustrated) or they will end the relationship as a protest behaviour .
So, you CANNOT win with DAs who are not actively working on themselves : you give them space -> they forget you ; you don't give them space -> they feel under pressure and run away.
If you are dating a DA make sure they are working on themselves otherwise you will be crushed by their disfunctional ways even if you love them with all your heart (it will only make things worse, trust me, I know).
Being a dismissive avoidant definitely does not mean that someone is a horrible person.. but it does mean that often we are dealing with an emotionally unavailable person who tends to think only about herself/himself in the moment when deactivating/triggered. It also means that s/he has the capacity to drop a partner abruptly like a rock and pull the rug from under their feet absolutely shattering their heart. Ironically, this typically happens EXACTLY because the person was loving and intimacy was building… severely insecure attachment styles especially avoidant aren’t really ready for relationships; they’re ready for therapy with a licensed therapist who understands attachment theory. They either build relationships with toxic or unavailable people which makes them feel safe or become wrecking machines for the poor ones who believe their love bombing, the shared fantasy at the beginning. I am sorry but the answer is surely NOT to cater and adjust for emotionally unavailable people; the answer is for them to become more secure in their attachment. It’s freaking hard and totally unfair for a secure or mildly anxious partner to walk on eggshells only to be thrown to the curve in the end. For these reasons, I respectfully disagree with the logic of this video.
TBH even as a moderate DA I agree with a lot of what you are saying. But just to give our side of the "walking on eggshells" comment because it comes up a lot - please remember that strong emotions trigger as danger for us. Anxious partners seem more comfortable in their emotions (and that can be part of the attraction) but eventually it can feel like they are recklessly waving a loaded gun around. Anxious people need to acknowledge the power they have and the pain THEY can cause. Of course it is not "wrong" to feel as strongly as you do, but sometimes you just incinerate us with that intense heat & we have to retreat to the safety of being alone.
@@MilesIncognito: But even secure types can express their emotions quite freely..so it's not just anxious people. Secure people may know to tamp it down a bit but they're still expressive as people.
A brief comment/reply to the two preceding observations. It’s true that anyone can hurt anyone in relationships and nobody’s perfect. And surely, many - not only DAs - could benefit from therapy. However, dropping someone like a rock for the very things a DA has enjoyed and cherished at the beginning offering little to no concrete explanation as to why can be traumatising. I am sure you’re aware of the narcissistic cycle, love-bombing, devaluation, discard, hoovering. I am NOT suggesting that all DAs are narcs; No! But we know how traumatising these experiences can be and ultimately you’re not in relationship with someone’s intentions but with their actions. With severe DAs the devaluation/discard phases happen simultaneously. This can be blindsiding and brutal causing enormous pain. You can’t possibly make plans to have children, express your love, plan to live together and say “we are unstoppable” on Tuesday and then throw someone to the curve on Thursday over nothing and via text telling them “I can’t give you what you need”. This is insane and unless someone has been on the receiving end of this behaviour AND is emotionally available, ie truly has the capacity to love deeply and invest as opposed to having 9 out 10 toes outside the door, you can’t understand the impact of the discard. Severe DAs (and APs) aren’t ready for relationships, they are ready for therapy which includes self reflection which is something they avoid as it’s the polar opposite. Emotional unavailability is KEY! Everyone makes mistakes but some were never really present in the relationship at least in the way they indicated at the beginning.
@@robertdeskoski9783 of course they are! More importantly they are emotionally AVAILABLE!! That has been the whole point of my contributions so far; I have a fundamental issue with “teaching” people how to tiptoe around emotionally unavailable people. This ain’t the root problem; the problem is emotional unavailability, discards, and complete lack of self reflection and accountability. Until those problems are addressed, severe DA might be better to steer clear of relationships or be honest upfront; I am here to have fun but I attach to nobody.. proceed at your own risk. The even more demoralising bit is that DAs come across
As genuine unlike many narcs… the devastation that follows is unprecedented.
This 💯💯💯💯
They should fight their demons first and win them before playing with someone else’s feelings
Love love love your content!! Been following your channel since 2021 and I'm STILL learning something new almost everyday lol. Also I want to throw you a compliment... You look absolutely amazing! 😍.
So beautiful ❤️
I can see that now after 85 dates in one year with her. No committment was ever made by her, which I guess is what kept her safe. Again, very sad.
It's just not worth all this psychological s*** to deal with the dismissive avoidant, you damn near got to be a psychologist to date these people, and they care nothing about you and your feelings don't do it run
….or a saint. These people are highly destructive in relationships. Don’t run, just quietly walk away and let them suffer alone.
@@cspace1234nz haha yes! What’s funny is that they shift the blame on you and on their countless ex’s. It will probably take many years for the light switch to finally click for these sadistic people.
@@rosemary_of_aragon …I don’t believe they ever will, they are masters at….avoidance. Their innate ability to apportion blame allows them to avoid facing up to themselves and taking personal responsibility for their behaviours and actions.
@@rosemary_of_aragon lol I feel personally attacked. But nonetheless, I do feel for my bf. He is secure and I’m a DA and we’ve had many discussions about emotions and the like. He is so patient with me, so it just works. Even when he yells at me he never threatens to end the relationship even if I do, which makes me calm down and stop being a butt munch. He also knows when to give me space. I was down recently and we were driving in the car and so I wasn’t in the best mood to talk…he was however and was so happy and jolly that it started to annoy me. I told him he talks too much which prompted him to tell me that he came to see me so he could have some form of human interaction. I had to laugh and change my attitude because of his upbeat demeanor (I’m also an INTJ which probably doesn’t help). He’s not a pushover to say the least, but yes, I can only imagine the pain of dating someone like me. Takes someone who is truly secure to handle a DA at their worst.
… and on top of the previous comment, they’re very sensitive to the slightest criticism but when triggered they’re monitoring their partners like a hawk always looking for ways to disqualify them. They’re the masters of self-sabotage, so judgemental…
DAs may do well only on a superficial level of friendship. Once that friend needs real emotional support and empathy it's same story as with romantic level, they don't know how to handle it because empathy, emotional availibility, intimacy, selflesness... are all foreign languages to them. Besides in my experience the person with whom you constantly have to negotiate rules and needs in the relationship is not the right person for you. I'm not saying this should never happen but the level of effort that some coaches are describing is basically being both a babysitter and a therapist of your partner, at least those coaches who are giving you hopes that you can be in a romantic relationship with a DA/FA and be fulfilled. I don't believe in that.
I also don't believe in that. What makes you love someone who does not meet your needs /constatly have to advocate for what you need? It sounds like a compatibility issue to me.
Thank you for your hard work and the insight you've provided. I rly enjoyed this video.
I just could not imagine seeing someone I’m in love with once a week and being okay with that. My ex is a DA and we are in no contact as we speak. She told me she needs some time and space so cool. 🤷🏾♂️
I'm in the same boat Sean! I'm liking it, she's an energy sucking tease that is a prettified little b****! Can't wait to heal from this situation...
I totally understand where you’re coming from; radical acceptance is key. Be strong (easier said than done believe you me I know…), hold boundaries and take care of yourself.
@@seanj86, are you sure she needs space or does she have someone else? DAs rarely tell the truth once they get to that point.
@@pythonpatrol1110 end of the day who really knows but based on our rapport, I don’t think she moves like that. She just needs to take some time to heal and at least put forth some effort on becoming more secure. Long as she is trying I can work with that, but we will see. As of right now I’m just focusing on me and mines.
@@seanj86 , if she at least tells you she needs space beforehand, at least she has some maturity and decency.
Ur last 2 videos were HUGE for me in understanding my DA
One thing I would recommend too is to move off of referring to people as attachment styles. Thais shifted about a year ago to referring to someone as a dismissive attachment style, rather than referring to them as a person who HAS a dismissive attachment style. The second is not only accurate, it also feels less awkward.
Why is the Dismissive Avoidant style not called a disorder? With the damage a DA can do to a Securely Attached person, it should be!
I agree with you. The DA label can be helpful in diagnosing a type of behavior but the label can also be limiting. It neglects the fact that these are people. Whole entire people with their own lives.
@@AMNewbies I agree with you. Another is for people to think it is possible to "unpack and analyze " and offer comments like "Sounds like a Fa with a twist of DA when someone makes a comment about a person they have been in relationships with for a long time before adding a comment . People are a continum and take long observations to see patterns. Correction on forums are not healthy. Few weeks here doesn't make experts. Also, let's not believe all people sharing this experience are secure and well balanced people. It's a place to learn.
DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME
That's extremely rude.
@@jeffconnors3918 things will be fine and work out
@@jeffconnors3918no it’s not, they will drain you and ruin every ounce of you
Extremely interesting and informative. It is also very sad. So basiclly to be with a DA, you have to be willing to have a relationship that has a lot of seperation so that they have there space. How do you ever get past the dating and into a long term relationship with them?
It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t. These people are not capable of being in a healthy, loving and committed relationship.
I wouldn't if I were you. I was in a 12 year relationship with a DA. We're in our early 40s for context. In February he moved out in the middle of the night while I was sleeping with saying a word, leaving a note, or sending a text. I was totally blindsided and thought everything was good between us. He told me, after moving out, that he felt there was a lot of distance between us. This 'distance' was me respecting his need for alone time and he does that when he plays his video games. When he was playing his games, I'd go to the bedroom to watch TV. He is the one who requested space when playing his games and I was simply respecting his need for time to himself. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Regardless of what I would have done, it was going to push him away.
@@rosemary_of_aragon…I agree, walk away
@@Littleone124I’m sorry you went through that. He’s emotionally stunted
@@HarryMcMillan-z4e, that about sums it up. And, I should add, you need to be ready for the separation to occur without any sort of warning or explanation beforehand and they'll simply gaslight you and blame you when they return.
Keep in mind that it's common for a DA to also have Borderline Personality Disorder traits or BPD as a co-morbidity.
These are all lessons some of us learn too late in the relationship or we just overlooked the huge red flags in the beginning because we cared about that person. I'm guilty of both myself.
So, take it from me, if you've identified these issues with your partner and they refuse to be held accountable and seek treatment, get the hell away from them as fast as you can. They will put you through the the mind fuck of your life if you stay.
That concept is difficult to understand. I don’t know how my FA ex would fall in love in my absence. My feelings for her have faded in her absence.
Omg this is exactly where I stand with an f.a too!!
Right I don’t understand
From what I get FAs and DAs see the qualities of their partner when they're not in touch with them (taking space whether it was voiced or not by the way). They suddenly see what the partner adds or brings into their lives. Compared to when they spend time with you where they feel a sense of obligation and can tell that you have expectations of them (triggers their core wounds).
But for securely attached people or anxious ones, the lack of connection is a turn off.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Watching this (and ignoring the comments) because…trying to understand this side of myself and someone who seems to be mutually attracted to me. I’d bet money we’re both FAs. And now that I’m in closer proximity to them for my own goals that them pursuing theirs kinda gave me the inspiration I needed for mine? It’s like we’ve flipped. The distance before felt like a skipping record to me, and made me anxious. They had their own distortions and others pressuring them, so the end result was avoidance on their part-we cleared that up. But now that I’m here, they’re definitely wanting to show up more in what feels like both anxiety and enthusiasm…and now I’m feeling unsettled and push away. I won’t but. I literally do not know how to navigate this because I’ve never had someone want to have me around, let alone be clearly attracted to the real me, and I just feel all knotted up like I’m gonna get trapped or abandoned especially over my asexuality or somehow scapegoated once again by others outside this friendship (that is becoming even clearer does not function like a friendship at all and never has despite that’s what we fought for and insisted we wanted right now.)
Which. Resources for sex repulsed asexuals are absolutely terrible under the guise of “every relationship requires compromise” but ultimately boil down to 1) give out and feel awful, 2) keep your boundaries but neglect your partner and deserve their resentment, 3) be nonexclusive, or 4) break up. Which. Just. Makes me feel even worse. Feeds the intrusive thought to sabotage to “spare” us both even though I already know their avoidance and my periods of silence to give us both our space after disagreements (that extended into a near no-contact since they were never going to break those periods, BUT after I broke the periods they were always more than willing to work things out) just. Hurt us both despite our best intentions acting that way.
But…yeah. I had one not terrible but not good dating relationship as a teen, and only a handful of crushes ever that I never acted on. I am so out of my depth despite us both trying to navigate this as Friends instead of Romantic Partners for our own individual reasons.
I'm FA and I love DA's. This was beautiful!
Can you please make a series of videos regarding sibling relationships? I am a former AA now secure, my sister is definitely an avoidant (I'd say a FA). We have a much better relationship when apart. She calls, misses me, but when we are together, things soon turn sour. I am struggling with this a lot. She is not really into conversations (even though I open topics) so I feel kinda stuck. Thank you!
OK my ex FA discarded me 3 months ago. Wanted friends I said I can't.
So I'm in no contact and she kept reaching out after 4 weeks ..
Asking about my boys .. my parents etc
Giving me compliments "Martin you will always be in my life in a big way"
I asked two weeks ago are you open to possibilities of rekindling .
She went silent then next morning im blocked.
We were very emotionally connected and bonded she told me things she's never told anyone else .. she was able to be vulnerable with each other.
She did say in the beginning she feels unlovable .. 40 years of walking away
Do FAs unblock and reach out ...
I'm moving on I'm OK Im just interested in patterns.
This is all new to me
Yes they do. From personal experience. But they tend to continue the push and pull dynamic which is very exhausting.
Yes, they do but not always. You say after 4 weeks she kept messaging. If she felt you weren’t interested while she was making herself vulnerable, that likely caused her to get triggered when you reached out. Also, FA’s need to be brought back slowly, not too cold or hot, or they get shut down and deactivate. Unless she’s aware of attachment style AND getting help, it’s going to be the same thing over and over with you or anyone.
yes they do, after one month, 2 months, weeks, depends how bonded that person is to you, so she reaches out, you let her back, get closer, her traumas and inner fears are triggered by your closeness, she retreats and leave you again craving for more, then cycle repeats.... DUDE MOVE THE F.... OUT, save yourselt from the pain and suffering.
Hi! My DA guy doesn't respond well when I tell him for instance that it's ok for him to aks for some time alone. I do that when I sense he's a little suffocated :) And he says "no no no I don't need time" and then he forces himself to connect more but he's obviously in discomfort. I don't know how to manage that, because I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him away. Some other times he simply lies about being busy with repairing smth but he's out playing tennis. I don't know why he feels the need to lie, I would give him that time anyway. He's a great guy, very supportive and warm but he does these stupid things like lying sometimes!!!
@@Kavilion
Thank you, it helps! I don't get upset with him, but it is annoying and I wish he could trust me more.
Have you tried: i feel there is something off. How can I help you?
Maybe he will feel less guilty to ask for emotional space.
How is you know you guy is a DA? If one know they are DA then they are aware and can mitigate the problems and either fix them or become a toxic person who does not care. My guess is most people are not aware.
Maybe he's a fearful avoidant
@@huguesfereau1011
I tried that, he says he's ok and that I am needy
Does this happen if they started a new relationship? We were together for 7 years and technically broke up one year a go but still are in contact daily and hang out sometimes
Thais, great timing for this video! I’m struggling with whether I should reach out to my DA ex, it’s been 5 months since I said we couldn’t be friends anymore because I didn’t really process the break up 9 months previously, and was getting too jealous knowing they’re were looking to date other guys. I feel as I was the one who rejected their friendship and said I needed space, that I should at least open the door 🤷🏻♂️ Or just leave it?
Why would you even entertain the idea of having that back in your life?
leave
Run Sebby, RUN!
Ah yes, I remember you made a similar video on this topic a while back. I'm securely attached with Avoidant leaning traits and I do in fact like my time away from my partner(s). I want balance in my life, so I like to have my relationships (casual or serious) and have my hobbies and interests (martial arts competition). I typically fall in love with someone who has a balance in their personal and romantic life as well. That is, they have hobbies and interests they pursue, yet still make time for their romantic life.
That said, due to past experiences with partners who had no life outside of their romantic relationships, I've learned to look for people who have hobbies and interests they pursue. When they didn't have these things, they tend to smother me and I get overwhelmed. In fact, I see it as a red flag if someone doesn't have any hobbies or interests outside a romantic relationship. As the old saying goes, "if they have no life before the relationship, their life becomes the relationship."
Totally agree with you until a point: once the relation starts to get closer in a (natural and general way) like: meeting family/friends, planning a future, travelling, living together, getting married, having children...etc those moments can end the relationship from a DA. I don't know if you are a real secure attachment or a DA/FA, but I can tell you that in what you said you are 100% right, the problems come in other situations where the "romantic relationship" becomes "friendship" due to the lack of intimacy, vulnerability, reciprocity, compromise, support( emotional) or emotional closeness... Even being a secure you would be annoyed in a point that you are in a romantic relationship because of the emotions, not the space or the time.
Good for you on learning what doesn’t trigger you. How have you healed only looking at the other ? Genuinely curious. 🕊️
@@konkosko5878 from reading stories and traits of the DA, I agree with you to an extent. I've heard enough stories and paid enough attention to know the classic signs of DA behavior. While I do exhibit SOME of those traits (hyper independence, logical thinking, and enjoying casual relationships), I don't have a problem with things like moving in together, meeting family, and marriage. I simply have conditions for how those things will take place.
For example, if we do move in together, I'd want us to be able to live independently of each other in case of a breakup. So there have been times I've turned down moving in together for these exact reasons (sometimes it was me, sometimes it was her). I also don't consider marriage before the 12-18 month mark and we must love together for at least a year whilst we're engaged (never got this far btw). In addition, I require a prenup in order for marriage to take place.
Finally, I'm not an emotional person, I'm a logical one. I have no problem facing and discussing the problems in a relationship, but I don't discuss emotions unless it keeps me in my masculine frame or it makes me more confident. If it doesn't do those things, I keep it to myself. I also don't share my thoughts all that much either. I'd much rather keep things fun, fresh, and exciting.
@@UnacceptableTee I just developed a mindset that stopped caring what others thought about me. One of my favorite quotes (which is actually my quote) is, "live in defiance of those who hate you."
Yes, but...most people want to share hobbies, or at least share about their hobbies.
Guess who isn't usually interested in sharing?
First! Thank you so much for your content :))
Thank you for your kind comment :) We're glad to hear that you've found great value out of the content!
Thais, I need help. I am an anxious/preoccupied male in love with a D/A female. This entanglement happened way before I knew anything about attachment theory and now it's too late for me to get out. Her trigger for me is so strong that I really feel like a fish with the hook deeply embedded and I can't get off the line. Sounds pathetic, don't it? But that's the situation. So I want to turn the tables and I want to be the fish that catches the fisherwoman. Is it possible? If so, I will need your help. Please reply.
Yep. Not worth it. Run. Fast and far.
How is everyone in comment knows their partners attachment style. I only know mine. I could guess for others but I'm not in their minds so I can say. When I found out mine was Secure it was with psychologist. It wasn't a internet quiz, those are unreliable. A lot of questions are same but with psychologist they aren't multiple choice. Each question was discussed. We talked about family history. Childhood, major life events. I do quizzes online and get different results all time. I find the quizzes might be help in seeking support of a therapist trained in attachment theory but not for self diagnosis or diagnosing others.
You can be secure attachment and still create a toxic relationship with others. Secure don't make you immune to being toxic or shield you from toxic people.
@@chrismaxwell1624
I think you answered me earlier, I don't diagnose people, this chanel is not for that, I'm using it to get informed and learn how to navigate through smth that gets difficult at times. I happen to care a lot for my partner and I try to understand him and to make it work. I am a securely attached person m self and yet I don't know how to react sometimes. If someday I get burnt, well... That's on me!
Well. It's not true. At least in my case. She broke up with me twice and that was straight away after my one week and two week holiday. She was missing me badly when i was away and i think that triggered the fear inside her. She got scared and discarded me. Or maybe she felt abandoned. Who cares? No matter what you do they will always find a reason to dump you. They are fucked up people who dont do self relection at all. Avoid them
My FA gf hasn't talked to me in 3 days but watches all my stories daily as soon as I upload them as if it's her mission. I upload in the morning/at night and she'll always watch. Is it smart to not upload anything to try and force her to actively engage with me? I feel she thinks she can maintain the connection this way and this is why she's in no rush
Good question. Same for me. What happens if you text her? Even just good morning
@@Extramentalist usually she replies but I did send her a "what's up" 3 days ago and this is what she didn't reply to. But I have been uploading stories almost daily and she's just there man
@kylel4971 same. Earlier in the relationship she would respond quick but not anymore. She wouldn't even respond to good morning but sometimes she says good afternoon
@@Extramentalist yeah exactly. We'd always start our day saying good morning to each other but it appears we've moved on from that. We've also had more emotionally charged situations since so I get why she keeps avoiding. Last time she did that she was gone for a week and then she came back saying she was sorry. The closer we got to each other the more she does this but I do feel like the stories part is very significant as in her mind she's passively engaging with me during that time. Once she even liked a story and still didn't reply lol
She did that to me as well so I stopped doing stories. I believe it causes more texts
Then why don’t they contact you back after you’re the one who broke the silence? 😢 I’m a FA & ended things a year ago & reached out a few weeks ago & nothing.
If the person is dismissive avoidant, for your own mental well being please do not contact that person again. Block them and leave the past in the past. Work on yourself.
*I love the grounded reality of this channel!!!*
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Only God knows how much grateful i am. After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
Wow that's huge, how do you make that much monthly?
I'm 35 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
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She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
As someone who has almost exclusively dated DA men, they definitely appreciate you more once gone than when they have you. If you're not careful you end up in a hot and cold on and off relationship.
This describes my gf to a capital T!!!
❤❤❤❤
This appears to be a copy of a previous video?
ruclips.net/video/xpBmJ14ZosE/видео.html
Im confused :(
Just so happened I only watched the previous video yesterday, so when I started watching this I was like "this sounds very familiar!" Thought I was losing my mind. :)
What about FAs? Worse, what if he’s both DA/FA??
Pretty the same. My partner is FA that leaning DA, and they very idealised their ex, when they figured out that person moved on
Avoid all kinds of Avoidants!
I hate feeling longing for a guy I'm dating. Feels awful
@@firstnamelastname-ve9gj Shift the focus on to yourself! Go do things for yourself, set goals, surround yourself with amazing people! Ditch that loser.
@@rosemary_of_aragon yes thank you
How can I miss you if you're always here?
GTFO!!! 😢
Thais,
You totally unlocked the code for me in what's best for me. I am glad the thoughts and feelings in what I need to do in order to be successful.
Thank you!