Very insightful interview! I was a bit surprised, thought this parenting book was new, but it had been released 14 years ago. Well the topic is more important than ever! Well done, Reem!
This video is incredibly underrated so many people I know are far from even getting close to treating their kids with this level of respect and care if I were a parent I definitely will follow through with this when I become one but I’m only 16 lol
1:00 Parents getting their kids to mindlessly obey, goals for the kids 5:00 Kids being “disrespectful” 6:30 Preparing kids for the “real world”, subjecting them to bad experiences to “teach them lessons” 9:10 Approval, unconditional acceptance, traditional parenting needs to be avoided 12:00 Motivation, rewards make people/children lose interest, rewards and punishments are counterproductive 17:40 Time-outs do nothing, the more you punish a child, the more you will have to punish the child more 20:00 “Don’t get caught”, consequences, punishment inhibits ethical development 22:00 Traditional parenting
Currently reading this book and cannot recommend it enough. It's as if all of society and life is currently this way - conditional treatment of everyone from everyone else. Our own systems, rules, and constructs simply work against our inner motivations to trust one another, think the best of all people, and love people even when we are hurt by them. Alfie said it best in this video and in the book too by pointing out that 'punishment arrests people at the lowest level of moral/ethical development' and that 'all punishment retards ethical development.' Think about anything at all that one thinks is a good thing to be/do/think/believe - why or what would be the point of PUNISHING people who don't do those things, if you yourself truly believe them to be good? Why not just share the good itself and offer them to come aboard with you? How could punishments of anyone for any reason be good for anyone? Punishment is simply revenge and it reinforces the need for more punishments and more control. It's a self destructive system. He also says in the book that misbehavior and punishment are not things that cancel each other out, but they are reinforcers of each other.
@@reemraouda7231 thank you for having this interview with him and for posting it! It honestly feels like something that saved my life. It explains so much of my own upbringing as a child and the dynamics at play that my intuitions picked up on, but never had the words to explain. It also makes me feel a lot better knowing that the things I have done/did were not just 'me being a bad kid', as a traditional parenting approach takes as if all kids are just bad from the start, but that systems like this are what keep us from naturally flourishing and growing together.
Very insightful interview! I was a bit surprised, thought this parenting book was new, but it had been released 14 years ago. Well the topic is more important than ever! Well done, Reem!
Thank you so much!
This video is incredibly underrated so many people I know are far from even getting close to treating their kids with this level of respect and care if I were a parent I definitely will follow through with this when I become one but I’m only 16 lol
That is amazing to hear, and good for you! 🥰
If you are finding value in this at 16, you are way ahead of the curve!!❤
Reem, thank you for hosting and for having this wonderful conversation with Alfie Kohn!💚💚💕💕
Thank you so much!!! 💖💖
1:00 Parents getting their kids to mindlessly obey, goals for the kids
5:00 Kids being “disrespectful”
6:30 Preparing kids for the “real world”, subjecting them to bad experiences to “teach them lessons”
9:10 Approval, unconditional acceptance, traditional parenting needs to be avoided
12:00 Motivation, rewards make people/children lose interest, rewards and punishments are counterproductive
17:40 Time-outs do nothing, the more you punish a child, the more you will have to punish the child more
20:00 “Don’t get caught”, consequences, punishment inhibits ethical development
22:00 Traditional parenting
Invaluable! So grateful for this resource ❤
Thank you!!
Currently reading this book and cannot recommend it enough. It's as if all of society and life is currently this way - conditional treatment of everyone from everyone else. Our own systems, rules, and constructs simply work against our inner motivations to trust one another, think the best of all people, and love people even when we are hurt by them.
Alfie said it best in this video and in the book too by pointing out that 'punishment arrests people at the lowest level of moral/ethical development' and that 'all punishment retards ethical development.' Think about anything at all that one thinks is a good thing to be/do/think/believe - why or what would be the point of PUNISHING people who don't do those things, if you yourself truly believe them to be good? Why not just share the good itself and offer them to come aboard with you? How could punishments of anyone for any reason be good for anyone? Punishment is simply revenge and it reinforces the need for more punishments and more control. It's a self destructive system. He also says in the book that misbehavior and punishment are not things that cancel each other out, but they are reinforcers of each other.
beautifully said! thank you Sio much and I also cannot recommend the book enough!!!
@@reemraouda7231 thank you for having this interview with him and for posting it! It honestly feels like something that saved my life. It explains so much of my own upbringing as a child and the dynamics at play that my intuitions picked up on, but never had the words to explain. It also makes me feel a lot better knowing that the things I have done/did were not just 'me being a bad kid', as a traditional parenting approach takes as if all kids are just bad from the start, but that systems like this are what keep us from naturally flourishing and growing together.
❤