My husband died - Now what?
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- Опубликовано: 25 авг 2024
- When your husband dies you are thrown into a world you no longer recognise and you have no idea how you’re going to get through the next five minutes, let alone the next five days.
So what do you do now?
This is the big question and something I want to talk about here in this episode.
There really are few things in life as painful as the death of a spouse and there will be times when you won’t know how you are going to survive this, or even if you want to some days.
Grief is an umbrella term for the amalgamation of the most powerful and painful emotions. It will affect you physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually, but I want you to know that everything you experience is natural and valid.
Do what feels right for you. Full stop. Find people that you can grieve with, people that can hold space for your loss and witness your grief, this is a fundamental need but often doesn't get met.
My husband and best friend of 44 years took his own life on April 3, 2024. It has been three raw turbulent months without him. My old life is gone, no turning back. I really miss him but I completely understand. He wasn’t at peace here. He is finally at peace. He just wanted to go home. He knew that I would understand and that I would still love him and I do.
My husband died 5 months ago. I have listened and read tons of grief info. YOU nailed exactly how i feel. You got it...thank you
I was married very young and lost my husband of 59 years a few months ago. We had a business and worked and lived together 24/7. We have been intertwined since we were children. Losing him I have lost an entire part of my own self. I am totally overwhelmed and I certainly appreciated your video. Every human emotion possible has risen and in this I discovered much about mySelf I didn't know. No one understands, no one knows what to say or do. I have had friends leave me, friends surround me and friends completely disappear. It's a desperate time of life and there is no longer any normal. I'm waiting for the new normal while I withdraw from people because it's simply easier. I find that no one lets me speak of him when all I want to do is tell how wonderful he was and be able to release some of this pain. Honestly no one wants to hear that and I don't want to be a whiny widow. It's stuck between a rock and a hard space. We have to figure this out on our own. Talk to the loved one you lost, that's most helpful for me.
WOW! Your story brought tears to my eyes.
My husband died last week after 56 years of marriage. I am so sad. This video helped. Thank you.
I lost my beloved husband 6 days ago totally unexpected. I don't want to go on living. He was my life.
Karen, I just found you here on youtube.I'm in ARKANSAS USA 🇺🇸. I've been WIDOWED 5 years after a 25 year marriage to my Godly, Faithful husband Keith. He was dx stage 4 colorectal cancer in June, 2014.We had 3 kids ages 22 ( son), 17(son), and 14( daughter).
Keith was told he had 9 months to live.
He told the doctors, " I do not have an expiration date, and when I go home to heaven is between me and God."
He fought the good fight with me as 24/7 caregiver and KEITH MADE IT 3 1/2 YEARS! MIRACLE!
We did treatment at CTCA ( CANCER TREATMENT CENTERS OF AMERICA) for 3 1/2 years.One week atvhome, then one week in GEORGIA 🇺🇸 USA.
There is too much STIGMA attached to WIDOWHOOD by society all over the world! People leave in droves because we represent DEATH to them.
I'm trying to change things in the USA 🇺🇸 and abroad and change laws to support WIDOWS at all ages.
The knife 🔪 stabbing pain in my heart ❤️ for years after Keith died 💔 was awful.
Paul has been dead for over 2 years. We were married 68 yrs. So, this is going through a grief I can not even explain at a very old age. I lost a grown daughter many years ago-- mercy-- The loss of Paul has been such sorrow. There are no words to explain grief. Blessings to all who are in grief.
Thank you Karen. I lost my husband 7 months ago. We were married for 45 years. He was slowly declining in health but I refused to see this. Being a nurse I should have. And I feel so guilty. Each day is so difficult. Thank you so much for your podcast.
I was in denial too with my hubby. It's different with a loved one. it's like a denial is a coping mechanism.
Thank you Karen
He passed away unexpectedly, no goodbye. You describe it so well😊
Thank you. I needed this today. 5 months in.
Wish I had gone with him. I plead with him each day to come get me.
I have the means. I have a plan. I know that is dangerous waters I am treading. But Karen, you said it.., my brain knows.
I’ve had a thought about bike packing. I’m needing to sell our summer home. It’s 2000 miles away. I am focusing on that right now. I can mope around the house. Or I can have an adventure. My beloved husband would approve. Actually, I feel he is guiding me this way
Thank you Karen. I have only found your site this am. New subscriber
He is not dead!! He still lives. His Spirit is wrapped all around you his Soul is in your body!! I'm 3 years now after a 53 year marriage! Im just coming out of the fog! Im still alive for some reason. I will tell you he has visited me many times & they will be waiting for us as we cross over!! I had to study a lot of RUclips talks, spiritual talks, my own thoughts of our whole life together. Darling, imagine him laying by you, talking to him, write him letters. ❤
My husband just passed away on Thursday. I literally don't want to live but have a 5 year old to raise. Everyone keeps offering help and I know I need help, but I don't really even know what to ask. I feel so very lost and broken and like I will never be able to do this. Today is the funeral home visitation, tomorrow the funeral. I don't even want to go. My heart feels like it will just stop.
Hoping you’re finding each day a little easier now. My husband passed away last September and to begin with I was literally blindly putting one foot in front of the other. Sending warm wishes.
❤
My husband passed 4 weeks ago without warning and your videos are immensely helpful and insightful. Thank you.
Kathie I am so sorry to hear about your husband, I know it's incredibly hard, the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I'm glad you are finding my videos helpful, when you feel ready I have a free support group on Facebook too, Widowed and Rising, would love to see you there if you feel it would be helpful. Sending huge love and strength.
Karen xx
Hi ❤❤
💞👍👍👍
I did not want to leave my house where we spent so much time together with him sick. I finally came up with a senario that my hubby wants to continue going places together. So, i take him!! He would have never grieved the way i have. He would have been back out playing cards with his buddies very soon!! He may have remarried! Lol 😆 🤣
It is now 14 months since he left me after 40 years being together. It is not easy, it is only by God's grace that I am going on.Thanks for helping us to go on 😢
Thank you so much for this. I lost my husband 2 months ago. So so painful.
I have lost my husband . I can’t go on without him . He was my rock . Please 🙏 forgive me. 💔
Hi Karen thanks for your podcasts they do help. I'm a widower i lost my wife suddenly 7 months ago i tried to find a help through bereavement groups which did help. but i wanted to find men who had lost there wife's and find out how they where coping. Two things i found out men can not cop with grief like women can, and also there are no widower groups in the uk i have started a small group in Warwickshire to meet on regular basis.
Good Morning Karen,
I am so thankful for your videos.
I have been dealing with insomnia, thankful to get notification of your cast and this morning it felt like you were talking to me directly!
Coming up on 60 days post lost, not that I am counting days but for reference.
It is a roller coaster of emotions for sure. I am doing better but it’s a slow process.
Having lost my husband 4 yrs ago this month I have grown from it.
60 days post loss from my boyfriend of nearly three years has hit me quite differently.
Both of these loving, wonderful and significant men died of cancer.
The 2nd loss was almost worse than the first in that the love of life had returned and I was able to share it again with someone.
During 1st loss I spent much time trying to figure things out, exploring, researching and journaling daily. It helped to center me in accepting my life as it had become. I had not given up on finding love again and when it happened it was glorious.
2nd loss I have found journaling about it more difficult to the point of what’s the use. I realize it may not serve me as well or I am not ready yet.
There remains use in journaling but at current not finding it as helpful as the first time. It’s different, I am different!
This past month I have been in/out of the hospital due to anaphylaxis, the rebound and residual effects of it. While in the hospital I thought to myself am I dying? I couldn’t walk, hold a pen in my hand and it was horrifying. There was no one here to help when I got discharged and it was frightening. I have always been the person providing help not the one who needed it. It was an eye opener. I am doing far better now although exhausted from the grief process and medical incident.
My family lives far away and I didn’t inform them of my hospitalization. They have busy lives of their own and of little support during my 2nd loss. I didn’t want to burden them and there was nothing they could do anyway.
With all that being said, your casts are so helpful and needed. They are like a voice in the darkness encouraging hope.
Thank you for doing what you do!!
V/R,
Peg
I can only say I am so so sorry for your lost. Be kind to yourself
loved your podcast so I subscribed. you hit every feeling snd emotion that I am going through. i believe no one can truly understand this journey and how truly difficult and devastating it is unless you have gone through it. It has totally destroyed me. Thank you. You have given me some hope.
Thanks for a great video. Many things i knew from my own griefmanaging course and groups.. but i rly needed to hear it all again.
My husband and best friend for 13 years took his own life back in October. I have our son on 7 years, its not possible to just do what would be self care. But i try. Its devastating. Its hard. You feel so isolated in ur grief, and that s because every grief is personal i suppose. He's at peace, we deserve that too, and he would want us to be.
My husband died Nov.1st, after 61 years of marriage, and I couldn't describe my pain, but I just found you and you explained it better that I can. Thank you.
Thank you for this video. I lost my husband two months ago ...
I lost my husband 8 months ago. My feelings are locked away, to survive I work, I distract constantly. I am often told I should let myself cry, but honestly tears don't help because when he was here he would comfort me when I was upset so tears make the loss harder to bear. I know eventually my feelings will emerge but until that time numbness is my friend. Thankyou for your video.
💞👍
Everything you’re saying is exactly how I’m feeling! Thank you so much for being here. This has helped me so much. ❤
Oh God! Don't tell me the 2nd year is worse! I'm 10 1/2 months into this and have been thinking SURELY this is gonna get better soon. Ugh!
It’s been a month and 3 days since my husband died. I’m paralyzed. I knew him 57 years but only married 9 years 2 and 1/2 months. I lived with him since 2006. I miss him so much. I was his caregiver he was in and out of hospital once a month since Dec 19, 2023 except September he was in twice.
Oh my gosh! You are incredible❣️ This! You have nailed my feelings exactly. Thank you.
Sending you much love and strength 💛
I just found your video this evening and sat here crying like a baby as I listened. You are so empathetic, so right on in what I am going through and how I am feeling. My husband died 14 months ago, we had been married 36 years; a lot of shared memories, going through ups and downs together, my companion. Thank you for the heart to heart talk, I will check out all of your other videos.
Hi Barb, I'm so glad you have found this video helpful and I hope the others resonate with you also. Sending you much love and strength on this incredibly difficult journey 💛
Thank you Karen you are so down to earth n empathic and you are giving me strength. My lovely husband died from cancer 2 weeks ago and me and my 2 daughters are devastated 💔 Thank you
My husband pass away July 26 2022 they found his body in Mississippi river in st Paul Minnesota
This is so helpful and comforting to me.
Thk u Karen I lost my husband 6 months thk u for this video very encouraging
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This is the best I've ever heard.
4/20/24 my granddaughter could not wake my husband. My world was torn apart. That day is such a blur. He survived war. He had just given his retirement notice at his 2nd career. Idk. I am a believer in Jesus Christ and the hope in eternal life is what i hang on to, that one day we will be together again for eternity. Now, i am raising a grandchild as a single "parent" widow. I feel fortunate that i dont HAVE to get a job to keep the lights on. I am Journaling some. I have a good network of friends but the grief is mine to work through.
Just stuck my headphones on this mirning n listened to this again. It gives me HOPE nearly 4 weeks into grief now Thank you for these videos x
You are not the same. We have a lot of healing to do, soooooo hard, lost my hubby after 4o years 6 months ago, I am always tired, but better than I was, I was so lost!!!
😢
Sometimes I feel that grief is so evil..
I ate grill cheese sandwiches for 12 months straight..
I lost my darling husband only 5 months ago. Not only was he my carer but my Christian spiritual partner too. We were together 48 years. I am so lost without him yet know I must carry on as he would have wanted me to do. Only God knows when each of us are born and the time of our death. He is God, creator and maker. The lord Jesus Christ is God very God and only He can save for eternity, 6:36
I lost my other half on 4/20/24 at 11:37am i seen her take her last breath. I am ripped in half a just dont want to be here anymore. Some people understand what i am going though cause this is the worst kind of pain. When i lost my dad i was sad but with my other half passing is 100 times worst and i just think she is still coming home. If i knew i would be with her i would leave but i might not see her ever again. This really sucks. God took my love away i am mad at god and i no i should not be but its just how i feel.
Stephen I am so sorry. I too lost my precious husband in April…4/28/24. I’m so heartbroken I sometimes wonder how I’m going to get through another day without him. He was the love of my life and he was always so supportive of me in anything I did. I pray that he is now at peace with the Lord and not in so much pain. I will pray for you to find some peace, but hold on to your precious memories. Jeannie
I'm so sorry. 🫂
Thank you. 5 months of my husbands loss and 2 years of my sons. I appreciate your advice.
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Dear Monica-I am so sorry for your loss..My son passed 10 years ago and my husband 3 months ago..I know how traumatic the loss of a child is -perhaps ,like me, you are familiar with grief but now losing our husband has extra pain as our support is gone ...support in our grief for our son..I am so sorry you have lost your son and husband-so much to live through..
@@julie-annehansen741 Thank you so much Julie-Anne. Im sorry for your loss also. There is nothing that could have prepared me but Im working on healing each day. Did you find Its a different kind of grief for both? Im not sure if there is a name for that but there needs to be.
I lost some one on jan,13 2022 it hard on me and now I'm lost. Not sure on my next step I feel like I'm in the same place plz help
Thank you for this. I'm trying to learn all I can . 2.26.22 is the date my beautiful wife went to heaven.
So many similarities in your journey and my own.
I started a utube channel also. It helps me and I think it helps others to.
God bless you...🙏🕊
Your videos are so helpful ... so much so I have shared them with several new widows to help encourage them on this journey. Thank you for caring
very insightful.It is now 5months since my hubby rested.
In my case, my wife passed away last year. Miss her every day.
My husband has been dead a little over 2 weeks. I’m paralyzed. We married young. 29yr marriage
Hi my partner died last month I looked after him we didn't know until November he was sick I'm so sad I can't bear it how do you get threw this time
I mean 2022 not 2023
13:30
Are you sure these feelings will be lighter ?
I still after 19 months I am angry with God for taking my man. I feel this pain is evil
Please tell me where your group is ?
I am a diabetic so I am used to
Taking care of myself. BUT for the first 7 months, I cooked grilled cheese sandwiches
Which is bad food for a diabetic . Now, at 19 months I am buying dark cherry ice cream . Another bad food.
I miss his kisses, his smell
I miss making love with him.
Is it Karin Sutter website. I didn't get how I can get your websites name. Or where I can find it. Please ?
Thank you
Patricia - Michigan - USA
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Believe me, it will get better. My husband died 5 years ago. He wanted me to continue living my life...happy and I have gone on to do just that. I'm so sorry for your loss.