So... 1) Profound, with a mind like an ocean 2) Kindness. Not mean-spirited 3) Intellect (both emotional and intellectual) 4) Some level of spontaneity and surprise 5) Self-awareness, ability to sense and respect the INFJs boundaries 6) Original sense of humor Which one did I miss?
I'd add For a long-term partner & not simply sparked intrigue: - UNDERSTANDS ME. Isn't too withdrawn & seeks to show a desire to know me. - Vulnerability - Respectable. Especially within a community, small or large. Maybe even very quiet, but doesn't stir unnecessary division in communities. - Ties to other good people. Hard working. - Has hobbies & interests & can share why they like it with me (I like to learn new things) - Outlandish sense of humor, even not minding some possibly "socially inappropriate" jokes... or somewhat dark (and realize this is simply due to my desire to be absurd & experiment) - Aware & accepting of my flaws - Can grow with me, as a person, in time - Pursues me - Affectionate - Help me make things happen & not just keep my ideas in my head - Enjoys being in one another's presence, even if not talking but silently supporting & comforting nearby. - Challenges me yet in a disarming and wise way (I don't want an enabler or someone that encourages stagnancy) Any more and I think I sound nit-picky 😂 However, I'm just imagining my favorite things
Doesn't have to be laughter. Even if people manage to be deadpan, if I sense they find things funny themselves, they're funny. Never laughed at a joke the jokester didn't find funny, I believe.
A great sense of humor is one of the things I look for first. Being able to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously, trying to find humor in most things. I remember what I found so enduring when I first started dating my husband (estp) he was coming over to my house for dinner one night and I was peeking out the window waiting for him and I saw him pull up and he jumped over the snowbank to get to the sidewalk and wiped out flat on his back. When he got up to the door the first thing he said was “hey did you see me totally wipe out”? He was laughing and making light of it and had no problem calling out being clumsy. One of our other first dates we went out for burgers and he was wearing a white T-shirt and when our food came he said “I’m going to get this out of the way” he dipped his French fry in ketchup and smeared it on his shirt saying “now I don’t have to worry about spilling on myself the rest of the night” of course I married him and now 20+ years later he still makes me laugh numerous times a day!
As an infj I want to surround myself with people who have depth, a strong belief system(even if I don't totally agree with it), empathy, sense of morals and values, and humor is really important too. Basically an infj, infp, enfp, intp, entp....I mesh well with all these types. Depth and humor is definitely the most important 2 for me.
Great list Ren! Positive qualities that immediately catch my attention... 1. Authenticity: being yourself, not pretending to like / dislike something or obfuscating your true self (slightly hypocritical since we INFJs do this a lot, usually around people we don't know well) 2. A genuine sense of compassion, especially towards the less fortunate or oppressed. 3. Sophisticated or refined taste but without the arrogance, someone who appreciates different perspectives of beauty, design, aesthetics, vibes. 4. Practicality - oh how I love practical people (as long as their heart's in the right place). 5. Modesty, especially if you are talented or beautiful. But avoid false modesty and excessive humility, which suggests self-ignorance and disregard for your natural gifts. 5. Politeness and courtesy are also very attractive. Avoiding strong language is a big plus, but if you do swear, at least do so creatively. As for some potential negative traits that I find attractive... 1. (Healthy) ego, to the extent that you set standards for yourself and have self worth and dignity. 2. Low self esteem - need constant external validation and positive reinforcement, and it's very easy for us to provide that. 3. Vulnerability - I will respect and cherish you more if you acknowledge your weaknesses / vices. Our types will never use it against you unless you seriously betray or wrong us, and probably not even then, because we're generally loyal and forgiving. 4. Unreliability - if you're often late, postpone engagements, etc. I won't hold it against you. Commitment and loyalty have a deeper meaning for us beyond meeting deadlines or KPIs. 5. Strangeness, eccentricity, odd fashion sense, unusual apparel, all of this is a big plus. Your individuality and non conformance to fads and latest trends is really *cool*. However, try to follow common sense conventions because I don't appreciate people who make other's lives unnecessarily inconvenient. What do you think? Fair? Not fair? Too specific?
I value kindness. I enjoy a sense of humor. Intelligence stimulates me. If you make my brain light up like a Christmas tree, you'll have my undivided attention, and I'll follow you around like a beagle pup.
As an INFJ you are so typical. You’re charismatic without trying. You are so keen about so many things I have struggled so hard and long to understand about myself. I realize I’m late to this party, but I said on another one of your videos...that you’re helping people. I know how hard it is (35yrs) to struggle with the repercussions of this personality. Honestly I’m not someone who normally comments on videos, but your helping lift a weight off me by.helping show me, people get it, and not that it’s inherently a bad personality, but that I’m not alone in my struggle to understand and control the aspects of me that take away from my capabilities. Thanks man.
Ummm YES, and also somebody who is aware of, and has a healthy relationship with their "dark side". No judgments when it comes to possible taboo ideas, or unconventional thoughts. My mind often wanders to these places out of instinct, so it's nice to be around somebody who won't run for the hills.
Same here. It would be great to meet somebody whose eyes get big when you say the words shadow side, LoL. I wish there was a place for us all to go to find each other… Imagine the possibilities for the great discussions we’d all have.
I agree it always seems to confuse people if they ever find out how I like to coexist with my dark side rather than try to cut it off and ignore it (which I personally see as unhealthy)
Some lists have pointed out the others but I think you're the first to state the "can surprise them." This is very true for me (as is the rest of the list). It's like there's something you haven't taken into account and haven't been able to predict in someone's actions, despite Fe constantly being hyperaware of people. And it doesn't have to be big things too, even just little gestures that Ni-Fe hasn't taken into account. I think we come across as so serious that when humor comes out, it surprises people. I can get very sarcastic so when I get sarcastic, people tend to miss the joke. 😂
As a INFP I was hoping to have some of the quilities. After listening to the video I am glad to know, as I believe, I have all of these qualities. If I just be true to my self I will attract INFJ with out even trying. It is nice to know some people out there do get me. Peace to all you people out there.
It really felt like you read my mind, in a sense, lol. I hate people who are these.. "popular" ones, and they treat others like shit. I absolutely pity them. I usually find that the gems are hidden amongst the weird, and the quiet. Really resonated with the points you made. Feels good that there's this group of people that I can finally relate to, lol. Thank you very much
Totally agree. I also like people who have very different life experiences and cultures because I always want to learn more and enjoy listening to them.
I 100% agree with all these points. I'd add: The ability to step outside ones own experience and imagine another persons position. People who rush to judge others really turn me off. 2. Genuineness. People who try to be 'perfect' grate me. Acknowledging ones faults, mistakes and shadow selves is a huge plus. 3. An appreciation for the absurd and irreverent. This especially applies to humor. Not cruel humor, but rather not taking established norms too seriously.
For me personally I'd add authenticity. I think as INFJs we're always trying to fill in the gaps to solve a puzzle, so if our partner is inconsistent or inauthentic we end up over analysing every gesture or remark. The most content relationship I had was with a woman who was very upfront about her opinions and expectations.
An interesting list. Indeed, kind people do appeal to me a lot. And that's kindness manifesting in diverse forms: so like kindness in thinking (profoundness), kindness in giving (love), kindness in words (confidence). Also, I find it weirdly intriguing that I am easily drawn to people who are capable of critical reflexion or simple reflection it also goes with being profound. There aren't many who can reflect or do so critically which is in fact the highest form of learning. So for one who can think outside the popular narrative, I will consider you pretty unique. Above all, wisdom and not exactly intellect appeals a lot to me. Because I believe anyone can possess the greed of the knowledgeable, but not so many can afford the patience of the wise. And as Lao Tzu said, "To attain knowledge, add things everyday. To attain wisdom, remove things everyday." All in all, I resonate with a lot if not all of what you shared. However, if we view everything in terms of energy and vibe, then you will agree you are most likely going to be drawn to those who oscillate with similar vibe or having the same energy state. ☺️
#1 Profound!! Yes! It's a trait that's rare for sure. If someone is emotionally, socially and intellectually intelligent too? Yep we're friends for life. I will add loyalty to my list. This is actually why I like STJs-they're fiercely loyal and uber reliable
I have found that ESTJs (while "fiercely loyal" and "uber reliable") are sooo action oriented that they don't seem to ponder anything or think deeply about anything; just as long as they can "get things done", they are happy.
@@susanwebster7584 My ESTJ friend and I have common interests so most of our interaction is around those activities. He likes facts though, and I can get down with that because I value truth. He's not high on intuition, but he surprises me with it sometimes. He's witty. I mostly just ignore his self-rightousness and rigidness, and live and let live. I'm married to an ISTJ, and boy does she like to get things done! It's all she thinks about. BUT...I suggest big crazy ideas for our life, and she is fastidious in bringing them to fruition. And again-reliable and loyal-It's a great partnership. I ponder with my NF and NT friends.
Those are great insights. I especially like the quirky sense of humor and laughter. One thing I would add is someone who can bear witness to our life scars and battle wounds, Who can handle the parts of ourselves that are broken and healing, without trying to fix us.
1 depth - meticulous choice of values and beliefs 2 kindness - on top of status 3 surprise - new discovery, extraordinary effort that lessens our tension, anxiety, rigid routines, it's about after working hard, playing hard on rare occasions, letting loose 4 humor - lighten up intensity coz we are always serious - it is also humility coz it's about spreading happiness to others
BIG agree on the original sense of humour, I feel like that's how I connect with people the most and find my true life friends, but I'm 19 so I can't really say if that is valid yet hahah
That last trait is definitely a big one! I love a good laugh and someone that can make me laugh without even trying. I don’t find myself as a funny person so I think the combination of that element of surprise and maybe even admiration adds to the attraction.
INFP had a dating app for only 48 hours and right before I deleted it (do to being overwhelmed) I met my boyfriend! We meshed so well and I asked him to take the test and he is an infj. It’s only been a month but it’s been incredibly deep and amazing so far! Can’t wait to see the journey unfold!
I was curious and skeptical about relating to this video, but you nailed it, very insightful. If some people are rolling their eyes thinking this list is unrealistic, my experience was that ENTPs are naturals at attracting INFJs...witty bantering seems to flow, debating deep subjects (they're devil advocates, that dark side speaks to the INFJ paradoxes), sponenity (they surprise us routinely), we seem to like the same art and aesthetics but for different reasons (I think they like the technical, mechanical aspects and the fine craftsmanship, we INFJs like the abstracts, depth, quality, and symbolism of it all) , the INFJs can be kooky and weird with a childlike innocence on occasions - ENTPs are the same so it's okay to be ourselves around them, ENTP's extrovertness expands our comfort zone out further but not in a pressured/stressed way, they're highly intelligent in many areas from social, science to arts & crafts (using both hemispheres of the brain - lacking in emotional IQ depth but INFJs can help deepening that for them), plus their high IQ is sharp as a whip that can make the INFJs just as sharp witted (gets us out of our heads and focused more in the present time frame), and ENTPs are the most introverted of the extroverts, that axis crosses ours and helps respect INFJ's boundaries when wanting quiet time with someone. This list here seems to fit them very well, in my opinion. I haven't dated an ENFP yet, but from what I watched on RUclips videos, they're very charming. Yes, I prefer opposites (introverts and extroverts) because what one person has the other doesn't, and vice versa, makes for a better team. Also like that MBTI already did the hard work in finding who's best for the INFJs, saves time and resources screening out the short term burnout relationships and focused more on the long term ones.
100% Agree! Thank you So Much, I thoroughly enjoy your videos. Recently discovered my INFJness, not to be over dramatic but explains why the way that I am. I now feel a sense of contentment.
As an INFJ perhaps that's why I love parody. I so enjoy it when a comedian or show parodies another person or show because I know they see that person/show thoroughly and is able to copy them but in a slightly skewed manner. I also enjoy watching people that have no self-awareness for example, the U.S. version of The Office esp. the Michael Scott character.
You're 100% right. I'd like to know why we are such a misunderstood personality type. I feel as though people do not get me at all. They come to me when they have problems and they want to talk to me but no one really understands me. It's a very frustrating feeling to live with, and I've come to see myself as a lone wolf.
Same as an enfp I feel I am very understanding of others even knowing things they don’t realise about themselves but I find it hard to find someone who gets all the parts of me
It doesn't matter. I'm just 20, but thanks to spending most of my life alone, I think nobody else needs to understand me. I have come to believe there is nothing to understand in an INFJ. We're just emotional sponges, and that's it; look outside to figure out the inside.
1. Sincere with high moral values (without turning into a bigot), 2. Kind and altruistic (just because we usually attract the opposite :D), 3. Habitually and carefully neat and clean (I would suffer being around a messy person), 4. Open-minded and funny, 5. Mature and self-reliant. So, there is no wonder most of INFJs are single... :D :D :D
I love that profoundness is first on your list (although knowing you, it's not a surprise 😄)! I don't know if INFJs will relate to my 'addendums', but I will also add: 1. Authentic: Comfortable in their own skin, defends their beliefs 2. Courage: Champion of the underdog Your 7 with these 2 brings my list to 9! Is it any wonder I am still single? 🤣 ~ A quiet, rebel INXJ
@@RensRoom I have tested borderline thinker/feeler for a long time. I enjoy and value both aspects in equal measure. Am fairly sure I lead with Ni, still working through the rest of my function stack 😊
@@RensRoom Hey, it's been 3-4 months and I just wanted to update you. Since our exchange on this thread, I was dragged through the full gamut (constant doubt, disbelief, skepticism >> existential crisis #32 >> frustration, giving up >> coaxed & cajoled >> returned with fresher lens >> deeper, more intuitive understanding). Today, I've come to self-acceptance. I no longer doubt I'm INFJ. Here's what I learnt about it all: The process towards deeper self-awareness and higher growth can be especially cruel for the INFJ. It takes many of us so very long to become more conscious to this aspect of ourselves because our Fi as the critic function must be mastered first in order to be harnessed for wisdom (sorry bordering on analytical Jung). But once this is done, the revelation is cathartic. Thanks for being a source of comfort =)
I think that you sum up very well some of the points that really attract me and keep me hanged on with somebody. That is also why I watch your videos, it is always surprising, I love surprises and reaching these precious triggers of mine activating then a bunch of questions, insights and thoughts in my mind racing. So nice... It is a very good list, I approve your whole list. For me important things to add that will be very attractive to me are authenticity, honesty, people that can admit their mistakes or say sorry in being true and also forgive the mistakes of others, people that are acting, fighting, producing, creating and keep trying to do what is meaningful for them or for others and following their call or trying to improve themselves or their environment, and people that can do all that considering how their acts and behaviours have an impact on others, responsability but not in a boring sense. And if the person in front of me is able to follow me, by that I mean the speed of my brain my sayings, insights and is able to get going again on what I am saying to reach a very rich and interesting exchange mixing all the previous qualities... plus a sense of harmony and beauty, and a hint of sensivity.... please marry me... No I am kidding! But all these factors are very stimulating for my brain, my feelings, my being and when I reach that state with someone I can feel at home and have the feeling to shine and exist in a very vivid way. Everything makes sense and it inspires me to act in the realm of reality, get out of my brain. I feel more alive than ever and in connection, in movement, in a special dynamic. It is rare so I cherish these moments with the people able to create that good vibration and feeling. But to be true, often I don't have the whole list. Your shorter list is enough to open the gates, but all the elements have to be there. Think you pointed out the essential.
Where can I find this person you're describing???? I want to marry someone like that! (Update) I have found that someone. He's an ENFJ. He's: 1) Profound 2) Extremely kind 3) Extremely smart 4) He definitely surprises me 5) He's very self-aware 6) He's very funny, keeps me laughing. And he laughs at my stupid jokes. And he is health conscious and takes care of himself. This is something I appreciate.
Very insightful, Renaud! Could listen to you talk all day. Please consider doing a video on the ENFP woman with a big crush on the INFJ man! Thank you. xo
Completely agree! In addition, I am attracted to someone who lets me be me and I can see that they embrace it. I think because we invest in relationships pretty intensely we are capable of attracting people who like the undivided attention and interest we give them but then they try to change, control, or dismiss the other complex facets of our personality as being inconvenient. And yes, someone who can get our dark humor. I find that a lot of people don’t catch my punchlines and the person that did... 😍 They can’t take our sarcasm too seriously or personally. I find that someone who can play off my sarcasm with their own or whose eyes sparkle at my dark humor is a good match.
All I want is to be treated well. Anything else is not tolerable. Even the smallest doubt about your respect to me will put you in a "watchout for" space. On the contrary, if well treated, I will protect you and help you all the way through with whatever you may need.
For me I would be very passionate about what they do especially if they are passionate with something that helps other people like volunteering work. And being an INFJ usually means we have impossibly high standard. Someone who shows level of kindness that is higher than our own. That will really surprise me and make me feel like there is a 'competition' (not literal competition or contest) but just a feeling that 'wow this is impressive I have never seen anyone like this before'. This also can be really negative and make us drawn to narcissists and ingenuine ppl. But ultimate for me it is someone who is passionate and kind but have no idea how kind and amazing they are.
You did a great job articulating it! I was in a relationship with someone with most of these qualities and it was the strongest connection I have felt thus far. There was a deep understanding and of each other that I treasure. Really raised the bar for me. He definitely had an absurd sense of humor 🤣
I really like people who are unabashed, curious and open and know when and how to connect and disconnect and be impartial without being insensitive. I think curiosity plays a big part in the open ended kind of thinking but also being emotionally available to connect to experiences. And lastly yes I agree very much I like people who are very self aware so they can just be themselves and won't want to prove anything or get attention.
I entered this life tabula rasa to find something missing. That much I remember. I studied Kant, so I place experience in interlocking constructs with least overlap and ambiguity. I studied law independently, so I know roughly how deep the rabbit hole is. Pack the parachute if you care to go there. Dad did 143 jumps, mom did 2. I passed on that. As a species, we're amnesic hypochondriacs from the catastrophes our ancestors survived, and there have been many. So I seek knowledge at the boundaries of cognition and information thereby. I seek out pioneers and masters and archetypes. I distinguish the empath as one who sympathizes with the emotions of others, and an enpath as one who feels them. A whisperer is one who can translate the impressions into spoken language. A telepath is one who wills action by thought alone. The heart is the most powerful electromagnetic organ of our bodies, and we receive and send foremost through our hearts, not our brains. We're all beings of frequency, even plantsI have a soft spot for hornets. I've encountered bears, moose, wolves, lynx, coyotes, deer by the hundreds in all, and one female peregrine falcon, while working on fire towers. They have traits I seek more than I seek them in people. What turns me on is those who can relate, therefor I conveniently have rarely more than a couple of people I consider kin in my life at any given time. I keep it simple. And it's certain this civilization is collapsing as hard as any of recorded history. Confusion and denial are extraordinary these days. Keeps things interesting ...
Profound....YES! Deep intense conversations please. Lol Kind yes.... because we feel it. INTENSELY. If your personality sucks...so does your face lol. Intelligence is huge for me. The mind is more important to me. All three together would be heaven to me. Plus humour. I like small surprises. It brings a great feeling to my heart when it's a small token of appreciation. Not a big fan of big surprises but not against them. Too much attention on me freaks me out lol. Lol I said sense of humour before you said it. Spot on brother! You nailed it in tis video!!! Love seeing another human understand me....it's rare in my life lol I currently don't talk to anyone really just uninstalled all my social media...no one in my life understands me. Love your channel!
I'd broadly agree. My intuition is that those of any type who are well-developed can find attractive qualities in a range of personalities, and the less-developed (or those struggling with a particular crisis, acute or chronic) will be narrower in the people they are drawn to-often in ways that reflect insecurities. But you're right that in optimal conditions depth (perhaps a quality of wonderment), gentleness and a capacity to subvert expectations are qualities INFJs are likely to enjoy. I would add that INFJs need for some external order, so perhaps conscientiousness is another important quality.
What you said is exactly what I perceive as ideal. Additionally, I might add an attraction via curiosity about quirks or unique traits as well. Some things others view as possibly negative however would be intriguing or 'special' to myself; which may sometimes but not always be attached to their own personal insecurity about it akin to spots on a leopard.
People tend to laugh when i am being speaking authentically from the ❤. It puzzles me but i have learned to use it when i want someone to remember what i am saying to thwn.
This is good and I relate to it a lot. It's difficult to describe what interests me in someone. I simply sya "I like interesting people". I like people who make me want to tell other people I know about them. As for love, I am a man and I do have a very strong appreciation for physical looks but then the "interesting" part is still very much required. I find myself being attracted to women who burst into a room and fill it with their energy. But sometimes I'm attracted to someone and I don't know why. The other day a woman came into my workplace as a customer. I thought she was pretty. In a normal way. She wasn't hot by normal definition. But I quickly studied her appearance. Her hair and her clothing. I never heard her speak. She never even made eye contact with me. But I almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I've never experienced that before. I still can't figure out what made me feel that way... Wasn't even the typical lust. People think I'm weird because I described her as a "magnificent specimen of a woman" and not even I know why I feel that way.
Honestly every word spoken was true thank you so much! Spot on! Grateful for your kindness. Really enjoyed your your video look forward to hearing some more thank you so much again!
Hi Renaud! Excellent explanation of my dream partner. You've nailed it! Depth, kindness, intelligence, considered improvisation for some spice in life, self-awareness, bit of a surprising, absurdist/irreverent sense of humor....what could possibly be better? Thanks for sharing. This was an enjoyable, informative video which I appreciate very much. Best wishes for your success and fulfillment!
I can't add anything to contribute except to confirm having personally experienced many of these traits having great effect on myself. Though my default is to like most people it is fairly rare anyone will actually catch my attention and make me wish spending extra time with them. In all cases I can remember one or more of these traits were undeniably present. Also, tyvm for making this video and tx to all commenting. I feel I'm over enjoying this topic quite a bit :)
I LOVE THIS, damn Ren you are so legit and aware, intelligent. This is so true, never had it expressed like this, in such perfect fitting words before. This is exactly what I'm attracted to.
The traits that you all mentioned were all accurate.. I always wanted to converse with someone in a deeper level and plus points if they have a sense of humor😁
As an INFJ this is pretty spot on. People that are kind and alert; that can communicate honestly and hold a conversation more then just what's a popular talk track other people have in todays world. Something with substance. Very rare and definitely attractive. It's like being in a video game and 98 % of people are NPC's. They have talk tracks to go off, but every now and then we come across another online player that is capable of actual conversation.
as an infj who rarely gets infatuated, i can tell u the most recent ppl i fall for tend to be the INTPs, which sucks bc the ones i know are almost "all of the above" from this video, except not good at communicating emotions or affection, and when i try to help, it's like, "nah that's not it, but thanks anyway, let's drop it" kinda thing. n im always seen as just a friend!!!! cool it's coooool!! ( ･ᴗ･̥̥̥ )
Very interesting list. I too value profoundness, a quirky/deep/dark/smart sense of humour, and kindness (above all). I am very drawn to people who I can't predict or completely figure out (this my downfall xD I dunno if you'd agree). A few things I'd add to the list are authenticity, a progressive mindset, respect for my alone time, high energy and spontaneity. I need someone to match my 'get up and go'. Very P for an Ni dom maybe
Depth, warmth, empathy, simple, devoted, good listener, understanding, emotionally strong and aware, someone who can be vulnerable around me and vice versa, who cherishes the moments like I do. Also, what you speak makes so much sense. P.S. don't you think the comment section could work like infj tinder or something?😅😂
I’m thrilled I’ve discovered you and your channel I watched you and your parents first. A lovely one to start with 🛍 I feel so at home here and plan to visit often 🚙 I’m also ordering your book What a pleasure Renaud 🧚🏻♀️Lynn Feb 17th 2022 Rancho Mirage Ca
I need honesty and integrity. Know his truth, not be deceitful. Is politeness more shallow than kindness? There's superficial politeness which is unkind. I love Randy Rainbow's parodies. I laugh at his humorous videos.
I would say #4 is really true (at least from my perspective) due to people being so predictable. The first thing I do when I meet someone or encounter someone I already know is judge them--not in the mean-spirited superiority complex or morality sort of way, but in terms of what is colloquially known as "vibes". All i have to do is watch their body language and get maybe one or two statements from them, and 95% of the time that person is predictable from that point onward. This is the result of our intuitive understanding of people and situations. If someone has bad vibes, then obviously you'll want to stay away from them. But people can also have a boring vibe, which will leave you unenthused and disinterested.
You almost started to laugh at the "find in the wild" bit! Then added "if that is something that you happen to want to do" as if you wouldn't if you were sane 😓😂
Just a few lines... I like kindness, but beyond that someone who is helpful to others without thinking first to themselves beats kindness. Somehow loyalty also plays a big role, not because I'm worried about it, but because being disloyal, or more particularly having someone trying to hurt me through disloyalty wouldn't come to my mind, which usually means that it is that much violent when it happens. Depth yes, although I see so many irony and metaphors in this world, that sometimes I feel like I've met uneducated people with more depth than highly educated folks. Intellect, not in the sense of knowledge, but in always being able to remain curious, and having an open mind big enough to be patient and at the same time want to share personal knowledge. Funny, yeah, like you said, if anyone can be funny somehow... I wanna always make sure that my off side and off track humour ain't frustrated by fear of sharing it. Yeah... surprises happen so rarely, and usually are bad, so if someone manages to pull a happy end surprise on me, I'd probably love them for life, whatever relationship I'd have with them.
Wow. How wonderful to have a personality type with lots of humour. Of course I recognize this. I just thought humour and depth are from a different planet. I'd like to meet other INFJ's. 😎🎼🍀✨
Most probably you are right. Their sharp intuition often does extroverted judgement may always not be accurate. After all INFJ also human and human has errors. The major problem is INFJ's always think they are right. What ever said it's done. That's it. Does my assumption is right about INFJ ?
Links to purchase my book on the INFJ are provided in the description box.
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could the book be purchased from Romania, Europe? it doesn t appear on the list. thank you
So...
1) Profound, with a mind like an ocean
2) Kindness. Not mean-spirited
3) Intellect (both emotional and intellectual)
4) Some level of spontaneity and surprise
5) Self-awareness, ability to sense and respect the INFJs boundaries
6) Original sense of humor
Which one did I miss?
I separated the ability to surprise from the ability to improvise :)
Bruh, don’t even need to watch the video before I can say this is accurate. Lol
zeroangelmk1 🌟🌟🌟
Pope Ocelot sooooooooo ENTP
@@darleneacosta4499 We are compatible with that type. But the best for us, in my opinion, is an intelligent ENFP.
I'd add
For a long-term partner & not simply sparked intrigue:
- UNDERSTANDS ME. Isn't too withdrawn & seeks to show a desire to know me.
- Vulnerability
- Respectable. Especially within a community, small or large. Maybe even very quiet, but doesn't stir unnecessary division in communities.
- Ties to other good people. Hard working.
- Has hobbies & interests & can share why they like it with me (I like to learn new things)
- Outlandish sense of humor, even not minding some possibly "socially inappropriate" jokes... or somewhat dark (and realize this is simply due to my desire to be absurd & experiment)
- Aware & accepting of my flaws
- Can grow with me, as a person, in time
- Pursues me
- Affectionate
- Help me make things happen & not just keep my ideas in my head
- Enjoys being in one another's presence, even if not talking but silently supporting & comforting nearby.
- Challenges me yet in a disarming and wise way (I don't want an enabler or someone that encourages stagnancy)
Any more and I think I sound nit-picky 😂 However, I'm just imagining my favorite things
Not nitpicky at all, your additions are very valuable ;)
This is actually very insightful. I appreciate this.
- an INFP
I think it goes beyond humor, I think it's actual laughter. Laughter is what attracts me. People who laugh and laugh loudly, I want to know.
Interesting perspective!
Doesn't have to be laughter. Even if people manage to be deadpan, if I sense they find things funny themselves, they're funny. Never laughed at a joke the jokester didn't find funny, I believe.
Love When Ppl Laugh😍😁But So Much Freakin Stress Omg Just Being Real Used To Cashier Was My Favorite Thing To Do
Jack Of All Trades Master Of None😂School Of Hard Knocks B4 Eh 30 Years More Or Less
Nice Surprises Whoa😁🤭😍Just Loving Ppl Love To Hear U Share
A great sense of humor is one of the things I look for first. Being able to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously, trying to find humor in most things. I remember what I found so enduring when I first started dating my husband (estp) he was coming over to my house for dinner one night and I was peeking out the window waiting for him and I saw him pull up and he jumped over the snowbank to get to the sidewalk and wiped out flat on his back. When he got up to the door the first thing he said was “hey did you see me totally wipe out”? He was laughing and making light of it and had no problem calling out being clumsy. One of our other first dates we went out for burgers and he was wearing a white T-shirt and when our food came he said “I’m going to get this out of the way” he dipped his French fry in ketchup and smeared it on his shirt saying “now I don’t have to worry about spilling on myself the rest of the night” of course I married him and now 20+ years later he still makes me laugh numerous times a day!
he sounds so fun to be with!
This actually made me lol! He’s great! 😂👌🏼
Aww! This is awesome. 😁
So sweet. Thanks for sharing your story
Lmao
As an infj I want to surround myself with people who have depth, a strong belief system(even if I don't totally agree with it), empathy, sense of morals and values, and humor is really important too. Basically an infj, infp, enfp, intp, entp....I mesh well with all these types. Depth and humor is definitely the most important 2 for me.
Jessica Tyson
My favorite types right there
Yeah, how about enfj? Basically they are what you said too hehehe. I just wondered since i am an enfj and sometimes iNfj hahaha
I'm an ESFP with all these qualities😁
And I'm dating an INFJ 😶
Great list Ren! Positive qualities that immediately catch my attention...
1. Authenticity: being yourself, not pretending to like / dislike something or obfuscating your true self (slightly hypocritical since we INFJs do this a lot, usually around people we don't know well)
2. A genuine sense of compassion, especially towards the less fortunate or oppressed.
3. Sophisticated or refined taste but without the arrogance, someone who appreciates different perspectives of beauty, design, aesthetics, vibes.
4. Practicality - oh how I love practical people (as long as their heart's in the right place).
5. Modesty, especially if you are talented or beautiful. But avoid false modesty and excessive humility, which suggests self-ignorance and disregard for your natural gifts.
5. Politeness and courtesy are also very attractive. Avoiding strong language is a big plus, but if you do swear, at least do so creatively.
As for some potential negative traits that I find attractive...
1. (Healthy) ego, to the extent that you set standards for yourself and have self worth and dignity.
2. Low self esteem - need constant external validation and positive reinforcement, and it's very easy for us to provide that.
3. Vulnerability - I will respect and cherish you more if you acknowledge your weaknesses / vices. Our types will never use it against you unless you seriously betray or wrong us, and probably not even then, because we're generally loyal and forgiving.
4. Unreliability - if you're often late, postpone engagements, etc. I won't hold it against you. Commitment and loyalty have a deeper meaning for us beyond meeting deadlines or KPIs.
5. Strangeness, eccentricity, odd fashion sense, unusual apparel, all of this is a big plus. Your individuality and non conformance to fads and latest trends is really *cool*. However, try to follow common sense conventions because I don't appreciate people who make other's lives unnecessarily inconvenient.
What do you think? Fair? Not fair? Too specific?
Haha! Spot on, this was!
Also, I'd like to add :
Don't showboat, be genuine.
Agreed :)
ditto!
What's an example of being genuine that you'll notice and appreciate?
I value kindness.
I enjoy a sense of humor.
Intelligence stimulates me.
If you make my brain
light up like a Christmas tree,
you'll have my undivided
attention, and I'll follow you
around like a beagle pup.
As an INFJ you are so typical. You’re charismatic without trying. You are so keen about so many things I have struggled so hard and long to understand about myself. I realize I’m late to this party, but I said on another one of your videos...that you’re helping people. I know how hard it is (35yrs) to struggle with the repercussions of this personality. Honestly I’m not someone who normally comments on videos, but your helping lift a weight off me by.helping show me, people get it, and not that it’s inherently a bad personality, but that I’m not alone in my struggle to understand and control the aspects of me that take away from my capabilities. Thanks man.
Thanks a lot for your kind words, Brandon!
ENFP fits the bill. They’re empaths, compassionate, spontaneous who love to learn. They’re the most open minded and versatile of all MBTI types.
Ummm YES, and also somebody who is aware of, and has a healthy relationship with their "dark side". No judgments when it comes to possible taboo ideas, or unconventional thoughts. My mind often wanders to these places out of instinct, so it's nice to be around somebody who won't run for the hills.
Sounds like you need a healthy ENFP in your life 😊 possibly an enneagram 4
oh my god, the same thing
yess
Same here. It would be great to meet somebody whose eyes get big when you say the words shadow side, LoL. I wish there was a place for us all to go to find each other… Imagine the possibilities for the great discussions we’d all have.
I agree it always seems to confuse people if they ever find out how I like to coexist with my dark side rather than try to cut it off and ignore it (which I personally see as unhealthy)
Some lists have pointed out the others but I think you're the first to state the "can surprise them." This is very true for me (as is the rest of the list). It's like there's something you haven't taken into account and haven't been able to predict in someone's actions, despite Fe constantly being hyperaware of people. And it doesn't have to be big things too, even just little gestures that Ni-Fe hasn't taken into account.
I think we come across as so serious that when humor comes out, it surprises people. I can get very sarcastic so when I get sarcastic, people tend to miss the joke. 😂
Thanks for sharing, vierblith!
I value candor and someone who will respect my need for alone time and independence.
Just my personal preference, i like those who give the vibe of gentle sunshine. Ofc not the 12pm kind of sunshine, most people would avoid that.
Just be aware. I don’t like to have to explain everything. If someone gets me then they have my attention. And lots of quirky humor. Oh and no bugging
Great one Ren. Keep it up.✅⚜✅
Myself an INFJ too. 1rst three right on.
My addition to those:
Humbleness;
and staying unphoney and genuine.
Tarik
Thank you! And great additions, too.
Thank you, for your nice and informative (mbti/Jungian typology) uploads.
Why is being genuine so high for an INFJ? Just curious...
As a INFP I was hoping to have some of the quilities. After listening to the video I am glad to know, as I believe, I have all of these qualities. If I just be true to my self I will attract INFJ with out even trying. It is nice to know some people out there do get me. Peace to all you people out there.
I hope you found your INFJ. I think most of us INFP'S do love them. 😅 ❤
@@ameliadeshane9192 yes, I’m INFP, married to INFJ
Omg 🤭 same
Sounds like my dream girl, and also like my best friend.
It really felt like you read my mind, in a sense, lol. I hate people who are these.. "popular" ones, and they treat others like shit. I absolutely pity them. I usually find that the gems are hidden amongst the weird, and the quiet. Really resonated with the points you made.
Feels good that there's this group of people that I can finally relate to, lol. Thank you very much
Nothing is more attractive than genuinity and compassion in a world full of pretenders.
What are they pretending? Like do they lie all the time?
I'm an INFP, and I'm (genuinely) curious.
Totally agree. I also like people who have very different life experiences and cultures because I always want to learn more and enjoy listening to them.
I 100% agree with all these points.
I'd add: The ability to step outside ones own experience and imagine another persons position. People who rush to judge others really turn me off.
2. Genuineness. People who try to be 'perfect' grate me. Acknowledging ones faults, mistakes and shadow selves is a huge plus.
3. An appreciation for the absurd and irreverent. This especially applies to humor. Not cruel humor, but rather not taking established norms too seriously.
Good natured humor without contempt for the other; observational wit in the moment is wonderful. Even macabre humor and non PC gaffs are great.
For me personally I'd add authenticity. I think as INFJs we're always trying to fill in the gaps to solve a puzzle, so if our partner is inconsistent or inauthentic we end up over analysing every gesture or remark. The most content relationship I had was with a woman who was very upfront about her opinions and expectations.
An interesting list.
Indeed, kind people do appeal to me a lot. And that's kindness manifesting in diverse forms: so like kindness in thinking (profoundness), kindness in giving (love), kindness in words (confidence).
Also, I find it weirdly intriguing that I am easily drawn to people who are capable of critical reflexion or simple reflection it also goes with being profound. There aren't many who can reflect or do so critically which is in fact the highest form of learning. So for one who can think outside the popular narrative, I will consider you pretty unique.
Above all, wisdom and not exactly intellect appeals a lot to me. Because I believe anyone can possess the greed of the knowledgeable, but not so many can afford the patience of the wise. And as Lao Tzu said, "To attain knowledge, add things everyday. To attain wisdom, remove things everyday."
All in all, I resonate with a lot if not all of what you shared. However, if we view everything in terms of energy and vibe, then you will agree you are most likely going to be drawn to those who oscillate with similar vibe or having the same energy state. ☺️
I forgot to mention about the last part of my comment that it is not just exclusive to one specific type but all.
Thank you for those great additions!
Being brave and altruistic will get my attention.
#1 Profound!! Yes! It's a trait that's rare for sure. If someone is emotionally, socially and intellectually intelligent too? Yep we're friends for life. I will add loyalty to my list. This is actually why I like STJs-they're fiercely loyal and uber reliable
I agree, depth is very rare... I wouldn't say that I am "attracted" to loyalty, but I value it very highly, that's for sure.
I have found that ESTJs (while "fiercely loyal" and "uber reliable") are sooo action oriented that they don't seem to ponder anything or think deeply about anything; just as long as they can "get things done", they are happy.
@@susanwebster7584 My ESTJ friend and I have common interests so most of our interaction is around those activities. He likes facts though, and I can get down with that because I value truth. He's not high on intuition, but he surprises me with it sometimes. He's witty. I mostly just ignore his self-rightousness and rigidness, and live and let live. I'm married to an ISTJ, and boy does she like to get things done! It's all she thinks about. BUT...I suggest big crazy ideas for our life, and she is fastidious in bringing them to fruition. And again-reliable and loyal-It's a great partnership. I ponder with my NF and NT friends.
Those are great insights. I especially like the quirky sense of humor and laughter. One thing I would add is someone who can bear witness to our life scars and battle wounds, Who can handle the parts of ourselves that are broken and healing, without trying to fix us.
I am going to pick D. All of the above.
Two other things
trust + forgiveness = attraction.
Letting another, stranger or otherwise, make mistakes.
You're right about trust. Especially as I get older, it's something that I find attractive in itself.
1 depth - meticulous choice of values and beliefs
2 kindness - on top of status
3 surprise - new discovery, extraordinary effort that lessens our tension, anxiety, rigid routines, it's about after working hard, playing hard on rare occasions, letting loose
4 humor - lighten up intensity coz we are always serious - it is also humility coz it's about spreading happiness to others
BIG agree on the original sense of humour, I feel like that's how I connect with people the most and find my true life friends, but I'm 19 so I can't really say if that is valid yet hahah
I'd say it's pretty valid ;)
Aw man, you must be 20 now. I was gonna say I'm a 19 yr old too
I'm attracted to people who are more introverted than me, smarter and more logical.
So true!
I despise cruelty and spite.
That last trait is definitely a big one! I love a good laugh and someone that can make me laugh without even trying. I don’t find myself as a funny person so I think the combination of that element of surprise and maybe even admiration adds to the attraction.
INFP had a dating app for only 48 hours and right before I deleted it (do to being overwhelmed) I met my boyfriend! We meshed so well and I asked him to take the test and he is an infj. It’s only been a month but it’s been incredibly deep and amazing so far! Can’t wait to see the journey unfold!
Friendly hug from a sister INFJ from Portugal, Europe 🇵🇹🌷💟 Spot on👌!
Friendly hug to you! :)
I was curious and skeptical about relating to this video, but you nailed it, very insightful.
If some people are rolling their eyes thinking this list is unrealistic, my experience was that ENTPs are naturals at attracting INFJs...witty bantering seems to flow, debating deep subjects (they're devil advocates, that dark side speaks to the INFJ paradoxes), sponenity (they surprise us routinely), we seem to like the same art and aesthetics but for different reasons (I think they like the technical, mechanical aspects and the fine craftsmanship, we INFJs like the abstracts, depth, quality, and symbolism of it all) , the INFJs can be kooky and weird with a childlike innocence on occasions - ENTPs are the same so it's okay to be ourselves around them, ENTP's extrovertness expands our comfort zone out further but not in a pressured/stressed way, they're highly intelligent in many areas from social, science to arts & crafts (using both hemispheres of the brain - lacking in emotional IQ depth but INFJs can help deepening that for them), plus their high IQ is sharp as a whip that can make the INFJs just as sharp witted (gets us out of our heads and focused more in the present time frame), and ENTPs are the most introverted of the extroverts, that axis crosses ours and helps respect INFJ's boundaries when wanting quiet time with someone.
This list here seems to fit them very well, in my opinion.
I haven't dated an ENFP yet, but from what I watched on RUclips videos, they're very charming. Yes, I prefer opposites (introverts and extroverts) because what one person has the other doesn't, and vice versa, makes for a better team. Also like that MBTI already did the hard work in finding who's best for the INFJs, saves time and resources screening out the short term burnout relationships and focused more on the long term ones.
100% Agree! Thank you So Much, I thoroughly enjoy your videos. Recently discovered my INFJness, not to be over dramatic but explains why the way that I am. I now feel a sense of contentment.
Thanks, Eve! You're not being over dramatic, we all relate :)
As an INFJ perhaps that's why I love parody. I so enjoy it when a comedian or show parodies another person or show because I know they see that person/show thoroughly and is able to copy them but in a slightly skewed manner. I also enjoy watching people that have no self-awareness for example, the U.S. version of The Office esp. the Michael Scott character.
You're 100% right. I'd like to know why we are such a misunderstood personality type. I feel as though people do not get me at all. They come to me when they have problems and they want to talk to me but no one really understands me. It's a very frustrating feeling to live with, and I've come to see myself as a lone wolf.
You're not alone, Marianne :)
Same as an enfp I feel I am very understanding of others even knowing things they don’t realise about themselves but I find it hard to find someone who gets all the parts of me
It doesn't matter. I'm just 20, but thanks to spending most of my life alone, I think nobody else needs to understand me. I have come to believe there is nothing to understand in an INFJ. We're just emotional sponges, and that's it; look outside to figure out the inside.
@@RensRoom thanks, Renaud!
Kindness and empathy. I couldn't be in love with a non vegan. Kindness towards the animals is important. Violence has no place in my plate.
1. Sincere with high moral values (without turning into a bigot), 2. Kind and altruistic (just because we usually attract the opposite :D), 3. Habitually and carefully neat and clean (I would suffer being around a messy person), 4. Open-minded and funny, 5. Mature and self-reliant. So, there is no wonder most of INFJs are single... :D :D :D
I love that profoundness is first on your list (although knowing you, it's not a surprise 😄)!
I don't know if INFJs will relate to my 'addendums', but I will also add:
1. Authentic: Comfortable in their own skin, defends their beliefs
2. Courage: Champion of the underdog
Your 7 with these 2 brings my list to 9! Is it any wonder I am still single? 🤣
~ A quiet, rebel INXJ
These are great additions! Why do you identify as "INXJ", if I may ask?
@@RensRoom I have tested borderline thinker/feeler for a long time. I enjoy and value both aspects in equal measure. Am fairly sure I lead with Ni, still working through the rest of my function stack 😊
@@runninginsept Ok, cool! I hope you eventually find your answer. :) I was INXJ for quite a few months last year.
@@RensRoom I hope I do too :)
@@RensRoom Hey, it's been 3-4 months and I just wanted to update you. Since our exchange on this thread, I was dragged through the full gamut (constant doubt, disbelief, skepticism >> existential crisis #32 >> frustration, giving up >> coaxed & cajoled >> returned with fresher lens >> deeper, more intuitive understanding). Today, I've come to self-acceptance. I no longer doubt I'm INFJ.
Here's what I learnt about it all: The process towards deeper self-awareness and higher growth can be especially cruel for the INFJ. It takes many of us so very long to become more conscious to this aspect of ourselves because our Fi as the critic function must be mastered first in order to be harnessed for wisdom (sorry bordering on analytical Jung). But once this is done, the revelation is cathartic.
Thanks for being a source of comfort =)
I think that you sum up very well some of the points that really attract me and keep me hanged on with somebody. That is also why I watch your videos, it is always surprising, I love surprises and reaching these precious triggers of mine activating then a bunch of questions, insights and thoughts in my mind racing. So nice... It is a very good list, I approve your whole list.
For me important things to add that will be very attractive to me are authenticity, honesty, people that can admit their mistakes or say sorry in being true and also forgive the mistakes of others, people that are acting, fighting, producing, creating and keep trying to do what is meaningful for them or for others and following their call or trying to improve themselves or their environment, and people that can do all that considering how their acts and behaviours have an impact on others, responsability but not in a boring sense. And if the person in front of me is able to follow me, by that I mean the speed of my brain my sayings, insights and is able to get going again on what I am saying to reach a very rich and interesting exchange mixing all the previous qualities... plus a sense of harmony and beauty, and a hint of sensivity.... please marry me... No I am kidding!
But all these factors are very stimulating for my brain, my feelings, my being and when I reach that state with someone I can feel at home and have the feeling to shine and exist in a very vivid way. Everything makes sense and it inspires me to act in the realm of reality, get out of my brain. I feel more alive than ever and in connection, in movement, in a special dynamic. It is rare so I cherish these moments with the people able to create that good vibration and feeling.
But to be true, often I don't have the whole list. Your shorter list is enough to open the gates, but all the elements have to be there. Think you pointed out the essential.
Thanks for your insight, Nahia!
Where can I find this person you're describing???? I want to marry someone like that!
(Update) I have found that someone. He's an ENFJ.
He's:
1) Profound
2) Extremely kind
3) Extremely smart
4) He definitely surprises me
5) He's very self-aware
6) He's very funny, keeps me laughing. And he laughs at my stupid jokes.
And he is health conscious and takes care of himself. This is something I appreciate.
Integrity. My husband has always had it. He is one of the most genuine people I know.
Very insightful, Renaud! Could listen to you talk all day. Please consider doing a video on the ENFP woman with a big crush on the INFJ man! Thank you. xo
A video on ENFP women... okay, I can think about that ;)
Completely agree! In addition, I am attracted to someone who lets me be me and I can see that they embrace it. I think because we invest in relationships pretty intensely we are capable of attracting people who like the undivided attention and interest we give them but then they try to change, control, or dismiss the other complex facets of our personality as being inconvenient.
And yes, someone who can get our dark humor. I find that a lot of people don’t catch my punchlines and the person that did... 😍 They can’t take our sarcasm too seriously or personally. I find that someone who can play off my sarcasm with their own or whose eyes sparkle at my dark humor is a good match.
All I want is to be treated well. Anything else is not tolerable. Even the smallest doubt about your respect to me will put you in a "watchout for" space. On the contrary, if well treated, I will protect you and help you all the way through with whatever you may need.
For me I would be very passionate about what they do especially if they are passionate with something that helps other people like volunteering work.
And being an INFJ usually means we have impossibly high standard. Someone who shows level of kindness that is higher than our own. That will really surprise me and make me feel like there is a 'competition' (not literal competition or contest) but just a feeling that 'wow this is impressive I have never seen anyone like this before'. This also can be really negative and make us drawn to narcissists and ingenuine ppl.
But ultimate for me it is someone who is passionate and kind but have no idea how kind and amazing they are.
You did a great job articulating it! I was in a relationship with someone with most of these qualities and it was the strongest connection I have felt thus far. There was a deep understanding and of each other that I treasure. Really raised the bar for me.
He definitely had an absurd sense of humor 🤣
I really like people who are unabashed, curious and open and know when and how to connect and disconnect and be impartial without being insensitive. I think curiosity plays a big part in the open ended kind of thinking but also being emotionally available to connect to experiences. And lastly yes I agree very much I like people who are very self aware so they can just be themselves and won't want to prove anything or get attention.
I entered this life tabula rasa to find something missing. That much I remember. I studied Kant, so I place experience in interlocking constructs with least overlap and ambiguity. I studied law independently, so I know roughly how deep the rabbit hole is. Pack the parachute if you care to go there. Dad did 143 jumps, mom did 2. I passed on that.
As a species, we're amnesic hypochondriacs from the catastrophes our ancestors survived, and there have been many.
So I seek knowledge at the boundaries of cognition and information thereby. I seek out pioneers and masters and archetypes.
I distinguish the empath as one who sympathizes with the emotions of others, and an enpath as one who feels them. A whisperer is one who can translate the impressions into spoken language. A telepath is one who wills action by thought alone. The heart is the most powerful electromagnetic organ of our bodies, and we receive and send foremost through our hearts, not our brains. We're all beings of frequency, even plantsI have a soft spot for hornets. I've encountered bears, moose, wolves, lynx, coyotes, deer by the hundreds in all, and one female peregrine falcon, while working on fire towers. They have traits I seek more than I seek them in people.
What turns me on is those who can relate, therefor I conveniently have rarely more than a couple of people I consider kin in my life at any given time. I keep it simple.
And it's certain this civilization is collapsing as hard as any of recorded history. Confusion and denial are extraordinary these days. Keeps things interesting ...
Profound....YES! Deep intense conversations please. Lol Kind yes.... because we feel it. INTENSELY. If your personality sucks...so does your face lol.
Intelligence is huge for me. The mind is more important to me.
All three together would be heaven to me. Plus humour.
I like small surprises. It brings a great feeling to my heart when it's a small token of appreciation. Not a big fan of big surprises but not against them. Too much attention on me freaks me out lol.
Lol I said sense of humour before you said it. Spot on brother! You nailed it in tis video!!!
Love seeing another human understand me....it's rare in my life lol I currently don't talk to anyone really just uninstalled all my social media...no one in my life understands me.
Love your channel!
I'd broadly agree. My intuition is that those of any type who are well-developed can find attractive qualities in a range of personalities, and the less-developed (or those struggling with a particular crisis, acute or chronic) will be narrower in the people they are drawn to-often in ways that reflect insecurities. But you're right that in optimal conditions depth (perhaps a quality of wonderment), gentleness and a capacity to subvert expectations are qualities INFJs are likely to enjoy. I would add that INFJs need for some external order, so perhaps conscientiousness is another important quality.
What you said is exactly what I perceive as ideal. Additionally, I might add an attraction via curiosity about quirks or unique traits as well. Some things others view as possibly negative however would be intriguing or 'special' to myself; which may sometimes but not always be attached to their own personal insecurity about it akin to spots on a leopard.
People tend to laugh when i am being speaking authentically from the ❤. It puzzles me but i have learned to use it when i want someone to remember what i am saying to thwn.
SAME sometimes i will say something not even meant as a joke, it's just an authentic thought, and people think i'm joking and will laugh
This is good and I relate to it a lot. It's difficult to describe what interests me in someone. I simply sya "I like interesting people". I like people who make me want to tell other people I know about them. As for love, I am a man and I do have a very strong appreciation for physical looks but then the "interesting" part is still very much required. I find myself being attracted to women who burst into a room and fill it with their energy. But sometimes I'm attracted to someone and I don't know why. The other day a woman came into my workplace as a customer. I thought she was pretty. In a normal way. She wasn't hot by normal definition. But I quickly studied her appearance. Her hair and her clothing. I never heard her speak. She never even made eye contact with me. But I almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I've never experienced that before. I still can't figure out what made me feel that way... Wasn't even the typical lust. People think I'm weird because I described her as a "magnificent specimen of a woman" and not even I know why I feel that way.
Honestly every word spoken was true thank you so much! Spot on!
Grateful for your kindness. Really enjoyed your your video look forward to hearing some more thank you so much again!
Thanks a lot!
Hi Renaud! Excellent explanation of my dream partner. You've nailed it! Depth, kindness, intelligence, considered improvisation for some spice in life, self-awareness, bit of a surprising, absurdist/irreverent sense of humor....what could possibly be better? Thanks for sharing.
This was an enjoyable, informative video which I appreciate very much. Best wishes for your success and fulfillment!
I can't add anything to contribute except to confirm having personally experienced many of these traits having great effect on myself.
Though my default is to like most people it is fairly rare anyone will actually catch my attention and make me wish spending extra time with them.
In all cases I can remember one or more of these traits were undeniably present.
Also, tyvm for making this video and tx to all commenting.
I feel I'm over enjoying this topic quite a bit :)
I LOVE THIS, damn Ren you are so legit and aware, intelligent. This is so true, never had it expressed like this, in such perfect fitting words before. This is exactly what I'm attracted to.
Thanks, man!!
Im INFJ and its good and bad. being hypersensitive to conflict is the worst part. but INFJ are highly romantic and caring
I love that you started with "to be profound." ❤️
Once again Ren is dropping nuggets of truth. Somebody who encompasses all of these things is super rare. Treasure them if you find one.
Wow, thanks so much Mabel :)
The traits that you all mentioned were all accurate.. I always wanted to converse with someone in a deeper level and plus points if they have a sense of humor😁
As an INFJ this is pretty spot on. People that are kind and alert; that can communicate honestly and hold a conversation more then just what's a popular talk track other people have in todays world. Something with substance. Very rare and definitely attractive. It's like being in a video game and 98 % of people are NPC's. They have talk tracks to go off, but every now and then we come across another online player that is capable of actual conversation.
as an infj who rarely gets infatuated, i can tell u the most recent ppl i fall for tend to be the INTPs, which sucks bc the ones i know are almost "all of the above" from this video, except not good at communicating emotions or affection, and when i try to help, it's like, "nah that's not it, but thanks anyway, let's drop it" kinda thing. n im always seen as just a friend!!!! cool it's coooool!! ( ･ᴗ･̥̥̥ )
An oldie, but a goodie. 😊
Very interesting list. I too value profoundness, a quirky/deep/dark/smart sense of humour, and kindness (above all). I am very drawn to people who I can't predict or completely figure out (this my downfall xD I dunno if you'd agree). A few things I'd add to the list are authenticity, a progressive mindset, respect for my alone time, high energy and spontaneity. I need someone to match my 'get up and go'. Very P for an Ni dom maybe
I love people who can change the angle of looking at a thing/subject in a very unexpected manner
INTP here, I can honestly say I play devil's advocate sometimes in order to just find a different consensus.
People are so predictable , however sometimes they can surprise me especially rational thinking
Depth, warmth, empathy, simple, devoted, good listener, understanding, emotionally strong and aware, someone who can be vulnerable around me and vice versa, who
cherishes the moments like I do.
Also, what you speak makes so much sense.
P.S. don't you think the comment section could work like infj tinder or something?😅😂
That's really funny cuz this exactly what attract me in people, I'm an enfp who always relates to infj mind and soul.
I’m thrilled I’ve discovered you and your channel I watched you and your parents first. A lovely one to start with 🛍
I feel so at home here and plan to visit often 🚙
I’m also ordering your book
What a pleasure Renaud
🧚🏻♀️Lynn
Feb 17th 2022
Rancho Mirage Ca
Hello. I agree with this list and would also add humility. Or is humility part of intelligence/self awareness ? ☺
No, I would say that humility is its own thing :) I definitely agree that we should add it.
I agree. Humility is a top priority for me when meeting new people.
Wow, i would be grateful if i find a person that can appreciate my surprise, absurd jokes, and someone who love to talk deep
Infj here. Spot on. You just described my favourite friends.
I need honesty and integrity. Know his truth, not be deceitful. Is politeness more shallow than kindness? There's superficial politeness which is unkind. I love Randy Rainbow's parodies. I laugh at his humorous videos.
You just described all the reasons why my fiancé loves me!!! 😆😊☺️ Thank you!
Free Spirit Finances Hopefully, you love your Self just as much or more! Blessings!!
I would say #4 is really true (at least from my perspective) due to people being so predictable. The first thing I do when I meet someone or encounter someone I already know is judge them--not in the mean-spirited superiority complex or morality sort of way, but in terms of what is colloquially known as "vibes". All i have to do is watch their body language and get maybe one or two statements from them, and 95% of the time that person is predictable from that point onward. This is the result of our intuitive understanding of people and situations.
If someone has bad vibes, then obviously you'll want to stay away from them. But people can also have a boring vibe, which will leave you unenthused and disinterested.
well true. Im really falling for those traits😊
Not of this world,...very attracted to those types.
Most humans are so predictable and utterly uninspiring
Challenge accepted
Quiet accurate… stove-piped intelligence is just that. Well-round intelligence, to include compassion, is supreme.
INFJ girls please confirm 😁
You almost started to laugh at the "find in the wild" bit! Then added "if that is something that you happen to want to do" as if you wouldn't if you were sane 😓😂
Just a few lines...
I like kindness, but beyond that someone who is helpful to others without thinking first to themselves beats kindness.
Somehow loyalty also plays a big role, not because I'm worried about it, but because being disloyal, or more particularly having someone trying to hurt me through disloyalty wouldn't come to my mind, which usually means that it is that much violent when it happens.
Depth yes, although I see so many irony and metaphors in this world, that sometimes I feel like I've met uneducated people with more depth than highly educated folks.
Intellect, not in the sense of knowledge, but in always being able to remain curious, and having an open mind big enough to be patient and at the same time want to share personal knowledge.
Funny, yeah, like you said, if anyone can be funny somehow... I wanna always make sure that my off side and off track humour ain't frustrated by fear of sharing it.
Yeah... surprises happen so rarely, and usually are bad, so if someone manages to pull a happy end surprise on me, I'd probably love them for life, whatever relationship I'd have with them.
Yes, exactly. Kind, NOT to be confused with nice. Nice even went through a so-called "amelioration." (Regarding linguistics)
Well done Ren :)
YOOOOOO SPOT ON, I was listening but the whole time I was like YES YES YES
It make sense.... idk if my crush is not but my crush acts the way I do.. and I’m INFJ
Maybe in a past or future lifetime we were/will be a couple 😏😏
I'm getting strong soulmate vibes
Everything, in this video is what makes me want to be around someone. However, these types of people are hard to find.
Wow. How wonderful to have a personality type with lots of humour.
Of course I recognize this. I just thought humour and depth are from a different planet.
I'd like to meet other INFJ's. 😎🎼🍀✨
I see why INTPs are their golden pair
Most probably you are right. Their sharp intuition often does extroverted judgement may always not be accurate. After all INFJ also human and human has errors. The major problem is INFJ's always think they are right. What ever said it's done. That's it. Does my assumption is right about INFJ ?
I don't think all INFJs think they're right, but there can certainly be cases where unhealthy INFJs develop extreme forms of Ni-led tunnel vision.
Cause being an infj im very very in tune w my surroundings and others body language. It’s just my infj senses r tingling
Loved the creativity and thought you put into this video! Can't wait for more amazing content!
Thank you, Erica :) I hope you make some more videos, too!
Hi! I think you did a great job summing things up. 🙂