Healing After Infidelity, 3 Things You Need To Overcome Infidelity | Couple Q&A | Christian Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 2 фев 2021
- Betrayal in marriage happens. So what do you do if your husband cheats? What happens if you are also leaders in your church? How do you overcome infidelity and heal from the betrayal? My husband and I will answer these questions to help you and one subscriber who sent in this question. While also giving 3 things you need to rebuild trust after infidelity.
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Marriage is hard. Marriage takes work. Being faithful over the years may not be easy. So when that trust is broken and you need to rebuild your trust and your marriage, you need to tools, strategies, and support as a wife and in your marriage
✨Hey I’m Ayanna! If you want to be inspired, encouraged, & want opportunities to grow as a woman, a wife, and/or a mom you have come to the right place! My channel is all about inspiring, encouraging, equipping & empowering you to be the clear, confident, and connected woman God created you to be while having some fun along the way.
How does a wife submit to a cheating husband?
It's been 8 years and i still can't get over it. At this point im ready to just call it quits and i know he feels it cuz anytime i get the thought of actually going through with it he comes out of nowhere to try and do something sweet to try and make me happy i think the effort is what i appreciate but deep down i don't think it's enough nor that anything will be enough. 😢 Im just so angry it happened at all. Why do we try and work so hard to be faithful and expect to be treated a certain way spend years being treated like dirt only for a streetwalker to swoop out of nowhere and in less than a few days he gives her everything that you were practically begging him for? I find that some BS. The woman who does the least and barely even knows him gets the benefits and the rewards that should go to the one who was always there for him which instead he decided to throw away instead of just idk maybe using your words and saying no to the whores? It's easy let me help you NNNNNNOOOOOOO ever hear of that phrase no means no? Clearly more men should remember that by now. Such a damn shame how good women are often treated so poorly. 😢 My heart breaks for anyone going through anything similar to what I described. Bless y'all a toast to a life with no cheaters and only full of love and happiness 🍸
I hear you -
YEARS can go by and you can still be angry,
hurt that it happened,
still in pain,
never fully trusting again and
not being ‘in love’ with him at ALL after he stabbed you in the back like that.
If you are single with no children, it is much easier to leave without the legal contract and complications of untangling everything.
I hear you when you say his efforts are
not enough.
He can’t take back what he did.
You can’t unring a bell.
To me I think his best chance of repair would be the following:
HOW TO WIN HER HEART BACK
AFTER CHEATING:
(This is NEXT LEVEL stuff that goes WAY beyond transparency, stopping the affair and honesty. This is about GETTING HER TO FALL BACK IN LOVE with the Betrayer to the best of his ability.)
1. Doing at LEAST 3 EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES (He must go WAY out of his way and surprise her with the most thoughtful thing.).
This MUST BE HARD for him to do.
For example, if he bought the Affair Partner an gold, empty heart shaped necklace from Wal Mart, he should buy YOU a real SOLID gold heart shaped necklace from Tiffany.
2. He should sign up to get LONG TERM INDIVIDUAL therapy WITHOUT the Wife prompting.
3. He should do something outrageously noteworthy and give her what he knows SHE would want.
- If she likes poetry, write her a poem EVERY DAY for a week. Bonus points if it’s hard for him.
- Take her on a trip to a place she always wanted to go to and DON’T expect sex as a reward!
- Take time off work & surprise her with flowers and a picnic. If this is SO unlike him - ALL THE BETTER. He is doing it for HER.
- Buy her the car of her dreams while HE pays for it.
The objective is to win her heart back after ALL of the unbearable pain he has caused her.
This won’t be EASY!!!
The objective is NOT to just have her not leave him.
Falling back in love will take MAJOR work.
It is a LOT of effort on the cheaters part to repair the damage he has done.
And the scar will STILL always be on her heart.
If he does his job well, is honestly sincere and doing what SHE would like instead of what he THINKS she wants -
He may be one of the lucky ones who actually wins his Wife’s heart back again.
No doubt, the cheater has a LOT of work to do to get to this place of goodness ever again.
Y’all need to learn that being the “good woman” is a farce lol. Always do the bare minimum for men and sit back and watch them give you the world😉
I love your comment and I have to say first and foremost it’s not your fault he cheated and the street walker didn’t get the best of him. All she got was some penis and maybe a few dollars here and there.
All he got was a few sexual experiences that you know you probably would never ever do for him. Even if he gave you what you assume the other woman was getting, you wouldn’t perform in bed like she did and trust me the other woman never has limits sexually but the wife always does. That’s usually why men cheat.
Before the ring and even before your husband with past boyfriends, I’m pretty sure you were more open sexually than you are now. People forget that we marry for basic reasons.
Men marry for sex and kids.
Women marry for protection and provision. We say there’s more to it but honestly it’s not. Be happy he stayed home and continued to take care of his end of the marriage bargain.
Don’t leave your husband and come back out here because if you can’t handle the little of what your husband did, you won’t survive these new dating streets. Ain’t nothing but sex out here and if you can’t keep your husband sexually satisfied and from cheating you won’t make it out here. 😢❤
You forgot the most important step. To not cheat again…
Whenever we leave the house, we let each other know where we are going even if we have to wake the person up...never had any trust issues!!
Having that continuous open communication is so important to maintain trust in a marriage.
I no longer have any expectations of loyalty. I've learned simply to never give anyone all of my love or trust. The last time I got cheated on nearly every woman I knew including my own mother turned against me and demanded that I stay, her excuse was that I worked too much. Those same women that demanded that I stay with a cheater became outraged when they learned that I refused to stay faithful after that point
Every situation and relationship is definitely different. Knowing when to step away from a relationship and allow God to restore and heal you is a great thing.
I have women like that in my family. They all have bad marriages. I make my own decisions!
It's not easy to have or stay with a cheating husband
Yessss. This video is packed with alot of goddies.
Thank u for sharing
Thank you for watching, Christ Bella. This was definitely not an easy topic to talk about, but such an important conversation to have.
I loved that you touched on multiple resources to seek guidance. Also it is great to see both view points when unpleasant topics need to be tackled. Great job guys.
Thank you, Lola. It is so important that we all see there are always different points of view and ways to seek help.
@@BeyondCommittedwithAyanna please I need a private chat. Can I have your email address please
I cheated recently on my girlfriend and I feel so horrible. We are now in the healing process. I’ve been watching this video constantly and I need help. I’ve hurt her, our families, and friends. I am healing personally too we’ve been talking to our pastors, therapist, and trying to protect our relationship. I wanted to propose to her next year in 2023 but I don’t even know what will happen. But I just pray that God helps us both get past this. I lost a good woman. Three things played a part in why I cheated my porn addiction, our issues in our relationship that plagued me mentally, and feeling like I was not good enough for her. This video has helped me keep the faith in our situation. Pray over us.
You sound remorseful and I am happy to hear you are in the church. I am trying to recover from last December finding proof myself my husband cheated. I’ll definitely keep yall in prayer! Jesus knows who I am speaking of even if I do not know you personally.
Thank you so much for watching and I am glad it encouraged you and your faith, Anthony. I pray that God helps you both to grow, strengthen, and mature, He will also guide your relationship.
Same thing happening to me right now,
It feels she doesn't deserve someone like me. I cheated on her inside our courtship When I and my ex gf met years ago and I commited infidelity. I confess it because I can't hold it back anymore and now we don't talk, I'm giving her space and we are seeking advices from our mentor in our church. I Hope everything will be okay, may we can get this through together and in 2 years I hope that we can move up to marriage stage.
stop trying to make this about yourself honestly if you loved her you would’ve never cheated because you’re would’ve thought about how much that would’ve hurt her. If I were you I would just leave her alone because a woman you love deserves better than a cheater
@@tranellmoore6591 How are you now
Great video guys
Thank you and thank you for watching!
Trust.. Me there is no healing. The damage is permanent.
I am in the military overseas currently with my wife back home in the States for this short tour. I just found out that she made a male friend with whom she would play tennis during the hours I was asleep (opposite time zones). She would disappear and not tell me who she was with, until I saw her leave the gym and go to a house for 40 minutes then proceed to call me after she left and that's how I found out. She finally confessed that she was hanging out with this guy "platonically" and didn't want to tell me because I wouldn't approve of her making a random guy friend while I wasn't around. I feel so betrayed and disgusted and hatred in my heart. We've been together for 6 years and married for 2 going on 3 years and I never in my life thought she would be capable of doing this. I just found out 2 days ago, and even though she claims it was strictly platonic, I still consider that cheating, having a secret relationship with a man without my knowledge. We're supposed to move across the world together in 3 months and I'm supposed to visit home in 1 month but now my world feels like its been turned upside down.
Yeah, that's not right. The minute you have to start hiding 'relationships'/meet ups from your partner, its pretty much a form of cheating. Does she not have female friends where she is? How did she meet this guy? so many questions.
Are you guys Christian?
being apart in a marrage is very real or in the military. I remember when i was in the military when the men went to the manuvers in the feilds the military clubs were jam packed. Alot of times nothing takes the place of being there woman get lonely whether they want to or not
She's for rhe streets bro
Hey am grateful to you for ministering to the world. I have a situation that requires attention it's right before me but I don't know how to help neither do I have the right counsel. There's this young couple recently married and close to 2years of marriage. The husband is abroad and the wife is back home with 2 sons but she's had a guy friend that's been around close however, just recently she's gotten involved with him it's getting hard because the guy seems obsessed over her. She's Christian and his not yet his been there for her most especially during the difficult time when her husband got no job for 7 months. Kindly help me help a friend
Thank you so much for watching and this sounds like a difficult situation. I would encourage to wife to seek counsel from someone close to her to help her completely end her relationship with the other man.
Thank you!!! 💗
Thank you for watching.
Hi
How do your coaching work? Do you accept insurance ?
I know that in marriage we all make mistakes. But when you keep doing the same thing, it’s not a mistake. It’s who you have become.
I thank it’s beautiful that the wife is trying to trust God and fight for her marriage. But her husband has to repeat and work on his behavior. Repeat his wife.
You guys gave great tips for the husband and wife.
Thank you Flo. And yes it will take work and prayer from both of them
Please help I am in the middle of decide whether divorce or stay in my 20 years of marriage of a pathological jealousy and controlling behavior. He doesn’t admit but blaming me for flirting with our friends husband. Every guys is a potential threat He previously cheated on me and now keep repeating questioning my infidelity without clear evidence . I feel trapped and suffocated . He lost respect from me , his friends and other family members. He killed relationship between us with friends and others family members who seem our situation. I m praying to Holy Spirit to guide me because I don’t want to reconnect and be hurt again with the same cycle but I don’t want to break our family either . We have 3 kids together and a home. God’s blessed. 🙏
Thank you so much for watching and for sharing your difficult situation with me, Candice. Seeking God for guidance is a must. I would also encourage you to seek counseling, even if it is just for you individually. One thing I have learned, and it has helped me as a wife and mom, is that the only person I can change is myself. And often when others, especially husbands, see those positive changes in you, it can also encourage them to change. God bless.
Girl u deserve better
Idk I’m in a rough situation my wife just told me last week she had an affair with a coworker .she was at a get together with other workers and got so drunk she didn’t know she had sex with a coworker until he told him I know her heart and I know the women I married at the altar and we both live for Christ and I decided to stay with with but it’s so tough on my mind wish I can wash my Brain and never think of it again
Thank you so much for watching and for your transparency. You are definitely not in an easy situation. Yet, with God at the center of your lives and marriage, you can move forward. While God did not give us the ability to forget, I would encourage you to seek Him and also counseling or therapy to help you both manage your thoughts and feelings in a better way.
@@BeyondCommittedwithAyanna yup quick update my wife just had another conversation she wants me and the other guy 🥲and I want my wife but I put my self in a bad predicament because I just came back to states stationed from Germany and started living with her family and I signed another contract with a duty station in Georgia my heart hurts but I expected to drown in my emotions but I’m not I’ve been through this before and I can’t even look at another guy but good has my heart but it’s still crushed I want her so bad and I don’t want to make things complicated and I don’t want to her family or my family because I would hate for her to be shamed
I’m so sick to my stomach I can’t believe it I want God to just take full control and give me clear direction’s to my wife and disconnect fully to other guy but she loves him to I wish God could just show in a dream to her to show her what she’s doing is wrong and she nows it’s wrong but she still wants him and also him
@@isaiahjackson3254this is awful! Try to find someone you can share a place with, maybe another military person. You can’t put in the work solo. Maybe she will come to her senses, but in the meantime, you MUST work in YOUR HEALING, and outside of the confines of a relationship with her. I pray God fixes what’s broken in her, your relationship, and your heart. Be blessed and trust God! 🙏🏽💙🙏🏽
Wat if the marriage throughout the yesrs was rocky n its the woman at fault in the infedelity seek counselling before no different n the woman fall in a compromising position n although regreted n repented did not tell until years after marriage still rocky now its seems like its ending we are both cgristian fighting a spiritual battle i wud say
Thank you so much for watching! If you truly feel like you are fighting a spiritual battle, then that is something you have to submit to and seek God to fight together. While not holding onto who is at fault for the past infidelity, but seeking to heal and strengthen your marriage now.
I dont think i will ever trust my husband again..i hv forgiven him but will nvr trust him th same.
He only claims he only emotionally cheated.
Bcos after giving birth i was healing and couldnt meet him sexually
Thank you for watching. Trust is one of those things that definitely cannot be regained overnight once it is lost. I would encourage you to seek help from some to help you work towards building trust in your marriage.
There is no such thing as "emotional" cheating. That is just gaslighting to make things seem less threatening. That excuse is as old as the hills. No cheater will ever tell the truth about their actions. At best, they will trickle truth only what you already know. Staying with a cheater is a high risk situation. If they stepped out once, you can be sure they will do it again when the opportunity arises. Trust takes a long time to build and is so easily destroyed with one action. Forgiveness is one thing, but forgetting never happens. The doubt will always be there no matter what the cheater says or does. Is staying with the cheater really worth it? I think not. There are better people out there.
I currently feel lost, and scared. I got cheated on while I was pregnant, 5 months down the line, I haven’t gotten over it. I dread lonely moment’s because I get flashbacks 😢
@@hellomaudlyn For a man to cheat on his wife while she is pregnant with his child is the ultimate disrespect. It is the pinnacle of selfish behavior and shows a lack of any real commitment to the relationship. You need to evaluate this relationship and decide if this person is worth staying with. If a person can do something like this at a crucial point in your relationship, he will undoubtedly do it again when he gets the opportunity. Cheaters don't make mistakes..they make choices...his choice was to push you aside and follow his own selfish desires. Do you really want to spend your life with someone you can't really ever trust again?
@@hellomaudlynWow smh
How are you doing!
We are doing great! Thanks for asking and watching.
@@BeyondCommittedwithAyanna im glad yall are doing great!! Thank yu for replying!!!
@@BeyondCommittedwithAyanna
I just wanna say that I'm thankful and grateful for you💕🤍🥰! You are loved by JESUS he has always loved you. He cares about you and always has. And he will always be there for you. I love you! JESUS loves you more ❤
honestly you people can keep lying to yourselves and act like you can go back to normal with someone that’s cheated on you. The truth is if they cheated on you they don’t love you or respect you. You’re gonna have doubt in your heart for the rest of your life and nothing can or will make that up. Do you really want to teach your kids that it’s okay to stay with a cheater as long as they are remorseful after? So twisted.
You don’t know because I’m guess you didn’t try it or your partner was not agonizing over their mistake/wasn’t remorseful. The experts in the field say differently than the RUclips commenters. Marriages can be FAR BETTER than ever after infidelity. I could point you to numerous experts with over 30 years experience in the field. But I’m sure you’ll have an army of random comments that agree with you. Mostly likely… A. They never went through it or B. Never chose to try forgiveness. These are the same people that stand up and boldly proclaim “For better OR WORSE” and later show that vow was nothing more than a waste of oxygen. Obviously, if one person isn’t willing to put in the work to heal, it’ll never work. Did you watch the video…it’s a choice to repair the relationship.
Sorry you never healed from being cheated on..the truth is that’s your opinion but studies by professionals have shown that forgiveness is possible and second chances are given and many times relationships are still successful after infidelity. Not all but many. Hope you find peace
@@joel7348 no I healed when I dumped his ass I hope you find some self respect.
@@rarebookreviewer I’m not your wife you can’t gaslight me lol
@@rarebookreviewer why would i waste years trying to forgive someone that disregarded me completely when they decided to betray me? buddy this isn’t the 1600s no one is obligated to stay in a place where they have clearly outgrown. Stop teaching people to settle for less than they deserve. Never have kids
My husband has struggled with a p*** addiction for a very long time and we have been together for 8 years. We have been through hell and back with one another as Before getting to know who Christ was I was a prostitute and an alcoholic.
He was a drug dealer and an alcoholic.
We were together for a short time while I was in college but I honestly thought I deserve better than him not realizing the ruin I was myself 😂
Once I got out of college And went through many more mentally abusive relationships and ended up in the abuse shelter.
I ended up etting with him again right as I was coming back to Jesus and believe it or not he had no idea who JESUS was and that he could help him❤
We started going to a small town church and got saved baptized and married way too soon.
But our love for each other was so strong even if the trials were stronger. We were really bad the 1st year as he started mentally abusing me and I started doing reactive abuse back. However the truth is we knew no different then the relationships that we grew up around.
My mom was on her 3rd marriage and his parents were mentally and physically abusive living in the same house and cheating on each other 😢
We decided if that wasn't enough to get a DOG and that poor dog fed off of every inch of the evil in the house, and so did the next one 😮💨.
Since we have married we have been through 6 marriage counselors most of them looked at us and told us we were lost causes but God saw more in us.
I began having visions and actually got to hear God speak OUT LOUD audibly as if he was towering over my house the day after we got married that we were gonna have a son. After he stopped talking I have the instant feeling to turn to Ezekiel and it turns out that he was a musician in The Bible. MY HUSBAND IS A MUSICIAN. I instantly knew that when we had our son that we were supposed to name him Ezekiel.
Fast forward years later and my husband decides to join the military in the middle of covid😅 He definitely had a way of doing things extremely backwards.
However you went In because I ended up having a lot of Vertigo attacks that I did not know where Vertigo attacks at the time I just could not keep a job and so he wanted to not be able to worry about that.
Fast forward almost 3 years of being a military spouse I KANSAS and we welcomed a BABY girl after 6 years of infertility. I FINALLY have a diagnosis of my Vertigo its called Vertigo migraines ! Vestibular migraines Is the medical term.
It took 3 years to get a diagnosis and my body has just been through it because even after the diagnosis there was no treatment other than managing my 12 triggers, But God gave me a whole community of people that go through the same thing ❤
God really put my body to the MAX as when I found out I was having a girl at the end of my pregnancy I had chronic preclampsia and had to get Transported to a major hospital. I almost died giving birth and had to go into my biggest fear which was a C section that God already told me beforehand was going to happen even if I didn't believe him...
The thing is regular c-sections are normally an In-and-out process and you feel nothing 😅 Mine did not go that way the doctors got all my medicines mixed up and the bottom half of my body was not numb... Instead it went to my head and numbed my head !!! I can't explain the piece that I felt even if I was scared through the whole scenario. I believe to this day that he numbed my head so I did not have a vertical attack in the middle of my section.
It may have been a blur that day and I still down myself that I didn't hear my baby's 1st cry or want hold her, but I was going through even more as I got pancreatitis and had to get my gallbladder removed all in the same week of giving birth 😮
She ended up having a feeding tube for 3 weeks but they said I did something really special by taking care of my body she was 6 pounds 6 oz even as a preemie !!!
That's forward again and we have officially bought a house, Are in the midst of renovations, Baby girl is 18 pounds and 8 months❤, My husband is deployed and he cheats on me again because he thought I was cheating on him... But all I do is run this house, take care of our daughter and take care of myself and my friends.
I asked one thing before he cheated that triggered him to go cheap and it was can I have a guy friend. I would have never asked if I knew that he was going to get belligerently drunk on deployment And that I was going to get screenshots and videos of him trying to j*** o** to another women on snap chat.
I warned him against Snapchat as plenty of things were sent to me and then disappeared a long time ago. However he didn't listen and God got him back I believe because it was a 50 year old man impersonating a woman.
I truly believe that my husband is traumatized but I'm scared that hes going to try it again.
So right now even as hes deployed there's boundaries. I have passwords to all of his accounts. He deleted Instagram, He deleted his music profile on Facebook, and soon we will have a joint account on everything.
I asked him one thing after he did it and I said do you want out 😢 I love this man so much that I don't want to force the love that we have. He said no "I want you girls and I want our marriage".
And everything in me wants to believe him but it opened up a world wind of trauma that already wasn't healed all the way and with him being deployed I'm having a hard time trusting that hes being faithful.
A happy note to this as my husband is now a Christian rupper soon to be signed ❤
He really struggles with addiction to everything. If he gets rid of one thing he picks another up, but I can see in him that when he sees me pushing through that he wants to push through too❤
And I thought I was a woman preacher and I have a lot of preaching setup but as you mentioned wife coach I am very interested if this is where God is calling me to go I have all of the background for it and I believe I have a lot of experience for being 28 years old.
I am 7 years sober from alcohol, and prostitution. I honestly don't even believe I really wanted to prostitute my body I just wanted to be loved and have somebody love me back.
I am sorry this is so long but I felt God calling me to share my testimony I'm still working on trying to shorten it because there's so many details.
youtube.com/@BeyondCommittedwithAyanna
Please send anything you would use to help I'm up and down and all around.
Sorry for all of those typos they are driving me crazy and won't let me edit !!!