How to Stop Being Boring
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- Опубликовано: 7 июл 2024
- Have you ever been invited to an event and thought "I know this is going to be so boring"? Do people often forget your name, or worse, that they’ve even met you?
My chat today with my friends at AM Northwest, is about the epidemic of boring and how we can fight dullness with communication strategies, people skills, and body language hacks.
In this video, I’ll teach you the art and science behind charisma and memorability to take with you at every event. say bye-bye to boring and hello to awesome! 🤩
Want more on how to not be boring?
👉 www.scienceofpeople.com/not-b...
0:00 - The Epidemic of Boring
0:41 - Engage Your Brain
1:32 - 3 Different Conversation Starters to Use
3:03 - Be Interested to Be Interesting
4:42 - Be Attractive Nonverbally
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People School is a 12 step video based training program designed to increase your interpersonal intelligence. People School focuses on the four core competencies of Business PQ:
• Empower Leaders and Managers
• Leverage Science-Backed Communication Tools
• Activate Effective Teamwork and Collaboration
• Improve Client Relations & Sales
Join the waitlist for People School here 👉 bit.ly/2yUf0WR
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Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.
Do you want to be the most likable person in the room? Get my FREE guide now: www.scienceofpeople.com/
My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication (www.scienceofpeople.com/cues/) Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People (www.scienceofpeople.com/capti...) and I am the creator of People School. This advanced video communication course is for high achievers who want to be confident communicators.
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.
PS - Get our free 60-minute online trainings: www.scienceofpeople.com
+ Join the party on Instagram: / vvanedwards
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Learn more about how not to be boring here 😊 : www.scienceofpeople.com/not-be-boring/
I already feel I'm boring just because I am watching this.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof HUGE MOOD
I can feel it too..
Nah dude,i watch this to be powerful,you gotta know the game to win
clapton79 fight it. Work it.
dont worry, the ones who dont is boring :)
When I was growing up, I was told that "intelligent people never get bored, since they can always find something interesting to do or in any situation."
That's a half truth. Most intelligent people do things that we find interesting but modt other people find boring like meditation or intense thought
I've heard the opposite. That they can be bored easily
damn guess I’m boring and stupid
L,it's the opposite
like check their phone or walk away to someone else
She is smart. I like her.
+YesReneau Yea smart women are very rare. Good point
YesReneau LOL I just came from watching your straight A video :) Fellow nerd here 🙏🏼
YesReneau you watch her too😂😂😂
I did not expect to see you here
Jackson And very attractive.
Being an introvert, its challenging for me to start a convo in social meetings. Thanks for this Vanessa. I really like your contents. 😊
Agreed! My ex use to tell me I never shut up and can talk to anyone but the truth is I can't. The gift to gab is a great skill to have. Growing up I was always taught knowing what is going on in the world, sports, being smart, etc is what makes conversations start. Although that's true it does and is boring. It's just small talk. And more then half the time it's all just a type of argumentive conversation. Except being smart, there not the best topics. I feel I have developed social anxiety. Conversations is like an art that needs to be practiced.
You know if you change your perspective and not worry about meeting expectations of people...You'll start to be less introverted!
Tell the fools about introverts pls
1) What has been the best part of your week?
2) Besides work, what get’s you up in the morning?
3) Working on any passion projects at the moment?
-More personal conversations.
-Be interested to be interesting.
-Ask less when and what, more how and why.
-DONT CHECK YOU’RE PHONE.
-Point your torso and toes at who you are speaking.
-Nod 3 times, people speak more and dig deeper if you nod.
I love these videos
I would never ask those questions, however I agree about not asking the standard questions if you want to be memorable.
Anita Virginillo what questions would you ask Anita?
Who let the dogs out???
Thank you for the summary!! This is awesome!
@@edortiz7375 No. That was a song back in the '80's! What does that have to do with this?
A full bladder. It's funny but true. FeelsBadMan.
Vanessa is literally the most interesting person I have ever seen. She is so attractive but at the same time so engaging that you can’t help but listen to her.
I think when you first meet someone YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT YOURSELF FIRST. Most people don't like strangers coming up to them asking them personal questions right away, it makes them feel uncomfortable. Not everybody wants to be "listened to" unless they know who they're talking to. Also if you let them do too much of the talking they stop asking questions about you and start to dominate the conversation. BALANCED conversation is important! Making the other person feel valued is good but if you make them feel too valued they'll start to over assert themselves and may even start to interrupt you. One thing I did like was her three questions I'm going to test them out.
Mathew Farry I disagree fully. most people really do not want to listen to you talk about yourself when you first meet. they are being polite but secretly waiting to talk about themselves or figure out what they can get from the interaction
Funny...I thought I was the only person to experience this. I've been so predominately a listener my entire life that now toward my middle age I find myself surrounded by people who no longer ask me about my life and prefer to not only dominate the topic and tone of conversations but our activities as well.
great
great
your first part is right, im one of those people, i would not be wanting to listened to unless i know how im talking to, actually ,anyone talking to stranger, who showed up from no where and started question would feel the same way
Vanessa truly is very interesting and I love the fact that she feels relatable and genuine. She makes me feel comfortable even when I am on the other side of the screen.
I love this
“A full bladder,” Nice 😂
She is inspiring me to study behavior sciences. Thanks Vanessa.
I rate Vanessa very highly, but if someone I didn't know came up to me and asked 'What has been the best part of your week?' I would think they were doing some kind of survey or trying to sell me vitamin pills. It's a question which no one would ask genuinely wanting to know the answer. If you're going with random questions it might be better to ask one that you might actually be interested in hearing an answer to. One I've used before is 'If you could take all of your knowledge and could go back in time, what period would you go back to and how would you use your knowledge?' It goes deep and meaningful without being invasive and can start some amazing conversations. There are loads of other questions you could ask that have the same effect.
+Miles Furnell Its a matter of timing. That is why it feels strange to you, when someone came straight up to you and asks you that question. But already beeing in a comfortable situation such a question would contribute to a good start, you could take up on a topic and this could leed to a great conversation then, if you are skilled (engough). There are indeed loads of other questions to ask. It just always depends on how and when you say it!
She's not an all knowing being so she's bound to be wrong about things, best to just listen well, take it in but be sceptical at the same time
I don't think this is a good question you're putting forward - because if some people have regrets then it is going to turn the conversation negative, and they won't feel very good about themselves.
Who says that it was about going back during their own lifetime?
Phrase your words differently .
A good question to ask. What's your favorite Disney movie. It works all the time.
Kim Henriksen I don't have a favourite Disney movie
Haha I see what you did here
Ohhhh I get it
I don't get it xd
If they ask me this question, I'd be blank 😶
I am so glad and grateful for positive people like you ! Gosh knows we need it !
Lately I've been curious about starting conversations and improving the quality of my conversations. I will try these. Thanks Vanessa.
so, how’d it go?
Since more that 7 years you're steady the conversation's queen. Thanks so much. Thanks for your passion
i just love this person, she is amazing
thanks a lot
Vanessa, you are really interesting to watch and listen to and you have great charisma! Thank you for your devotion to research and making videos !
I just found your page! I love it! Going to watch every single video! Thank you for all the information and hard work you've put in.
just came across Vanessa today - she is super sweat, encouraging and loveable :)
I don't want to sound boring but... I LOVE THIS WOMAN... Beautiful and INFORMATIVE....what a great smile with trustworthy eyes. Keep up the great work !!!
OMG Vanessa is such a genius!
I wish I watched this 4years ago. Never the less its aint late
Insteresting I was wondering why random people tell me the whole story of their lives... Comes down to the nodding I guess
May be you're an empath
True I nod a lot too.
Beware of them sucking you dry of your good energy . Protect yourself . And yes your an empath.
Sorry i m introverted i m boring, i suck at sports and music i m boring.....
Ask daniel craig or fedor...
People love talking when they feel validated. Nodding helps with that alot
As a Medical Scientist, I absolutely agree with Vanessa! We just need to increase our focus on observing capable people. Without knowing, they have already implemented. I am good disciple of Vanessa. -Blessings Pal
You're amazing, Vanessa. You talk in a very engaging, interesting and emotional way. It's great listening to your tips. I will apply them. I feel like buying your stuff now. LOL
She is one of the best communication expert!
I am soooo boring!!!! I can’t stand small talk. I am awkward to, so when I engage with people I end up asking questions that make them think and they get taken back and sketched out. lmfao
ok, I'm starting to love this person !
So very interesting...thank you, Vanessa for sharing!
Being boring is good. It keeps others away. If you are forced by work to be on a social place and are the type of person that does not know how to have friends, make friends, nor keep friends and are asked, "What exciting things have you done today?" Just answer, "I tried to keep to myself." That will instantly disorientate a social person and the person will not know what to do. Usually the social person will say, "Okay, nice talking to you," and quickly depart. If the social person says, "Hi! What is your name?" Give the most common one syllable name you can think of saying. John, Ed, Ann, May, Chris, Pat, are extremely good answers. Try not to look at the social person. Pretend you are reading when you see the person coming to you and answer without stopping your reading, nor looking up. Say your one syllable name as monotonous as you can. The social person will usually say, "Okay... Well nice talking to you," and leave. I am a master with keeping others away from me.
I love this woman.
Hey Vanessa, you're very good at what you do. Keep it up!
Great Video!! I Had to subscribe
Thank you for sharing video Vanessa!
Hey Vanessa you are AMAZING! Thank you so much for this!! I love your body language especially those hands. The answers to ALL the nagging little or even those major areas to breakthrough in social communication. I was totally silent until I was 22 and it was hard at times to be the listener only and make friends, however, those observation skills from that side of the coin, makes everything you speak of on those body language aspects confirming what I knew.. oh I could go on and on singing your praises. I would love to meet someone as charismatic as yourself and will look forward to practicing all these things I learning from your instructions. xo Monday
Those are some creepy questions to ask strangers.
Instantly annoying someone 😂
Truthfully, I see no reason to ask a stranger any questions at all. The goal is to not to talk to strangers. I see no reason to desire a conversation with a stranger. This can be very dangerous.
@@indridcold8433 watch the movie the commuter
@@beloved3244 I will be going to the video store in two days. Perhaps I may find it there. In the rural areas, Internet is not fast enough to stream modern video. Thus, we still have video shops.
while I agree not to ask the same old boring questions, I would never ask these questions either.
Brilliant... meaningful conversation where people are valued. Cool 😎
I love all this...you are amazing and ive just watched you for about the last hour...very engaging. I can learn alot..going to get your book...thanks Vanessa 😊
Vanessa you are awesome mentor ❤. I am watching all your videos, they are so educational and super phenomenal. I am so happy I found your channel. Love from Portland
No wonder why people keep talking when I'm listening, I always nod, tilt my head and just being a great listener.
Aha thats great i needa incorporate this as i feel i ask too many questions or talk to fast dont get me wrong Im super curious n interested about most things but jus nodding thrice n kepin it cool is wha i neeeed
wow very effective... I love it
You rock Venessa! defiantly going to use one of these 3...or maybe even all of them haha
Love you Vanessa 😘❤️..good vibes with you always🤗
you're so lovely and memorable! learning a lot :)
GREAT VIDEO VANESSA!!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!! I LEARNED SO MUCH.
Of course!! I'm glad it was helpful for you ❤️
What was the favorite part of your week(end)?
What makes you get up beside your work?
Working on any passion projects?
Ask more how and why;
Total engaging, leave your phone, focus on the person;
Use your body language towards the person, point your toes towards them;
Nod three times so you make them keep talking;
Thankuuu for the summary.
I wish my future wife would be like You. I almost watch all of your videos while in the office from searching "how to deal with hard people." By the way this is very helpful. Keep it up Vanessa 😀
I really hope you didn't marry her
Interesting points have popped up within the great explanations. The hot button point of the discussion is " desire to feel valueable".
These lines are awkward !!!
this more awkward what up girl do you want to hang in town . remember you need to smile
Makes it sound like you're conducting a job interview
@@polaroidandroidjeff6383 sounds cold and corporate, wouldn't want a stranger asking me this😕
Your awesome . Thank you so much .
Vanessa this was so dope! 🙌
I couldn't agree more.😅👍
Your findings are so interesting and surprising Vanessa. I would never have thought this. Thank you so much for the useful information. Now I just got to figure out how to use my hands and talk at the same time. Any course on that? Love you Vanessa, you are amazing!
Oh I love this!❤️
Yup, to be the person that everyone remembers ------ that I don't change for nobody!!!
I think I need to ask these questions to myself maybe that's gonna change my mindset towards myself and help me fight depression
every time im asking people open-ended questions they reply shortly🤣🤣
I love your videos!
She talks so much. It's like she is trying to hammer the concepts into the heads of these elderly people.
O right on spot! so many boring people is around!
Anna Golovkov did u used translator?
Nice vid! Funny thing, every time I get on the phone with my accountant for usually a quick 2-3 minute question, we end up talking for 15-20 minutes.
These tips are awsome and I like very much to hear intelligent people like Vanessa, but remember our life is not a Marvel movie, we don't have a adventure every day, like us or not, the routine is part of our life. Here in Brazil, we say "make from the lemons a lemonade". I don't have problems with my routine if I like what I do, but sure I like to do some different things when I can, the brain needs this.
It has to be tailored to the event. At a charity event, ask someone what other charitable causes they support or believe in. At work, ask someone where they usually go for lunch, or if they have a pet, or what their commute is like. Then have a backup question - like do you listen to audiobooks on your long commute, etc. It is an art, and even if you're a ittle weird, most people will appreciate it.
My passion project is commenting on RUclips.
What kind of work do you do and what kind of pojects do you have going on that your passionate about?
Thanks man!
Good.. Thanks,
Thank you
amazing, thk u so much
That’s brilliant. I’ll use it
Great show great job
Thanks for watching!
"A full bladder"
Lmao that old dude has a great sense of humor.
When the woman said "what is my passion?" ... I felt that
Complement people on something they won't expect
Rasing sheep un the back yard. Yes I'd definatly remember that one.
Love you Vanessa... Really you are interesting!!!♥😘✌
You're really amazing. Vanessa I love you
I feel like this will turn out to be another form of an interview
As a new hire, i’ve been nodding my head too much i feel like a chicken. Jokes aside, i do get my supervisors explain to me more and more about the jobs i work on.
excelent words i like this classe...
this is some good info, not perfect but pretty good
People are boring because they are bored ...it's just a reflection of their inner self
I loved this video, great tips, and loved how was actual usual advice, instead of the pull away do this, try to get the, to like you sort of ✌️motivation attraction most stuff✌️, and instead it was actually be interested in them, ask actually interesting questions, listen and be fully present! I liked it, not manipulation but actually being interested while being interesting 💯👌 thanks for sharing, and hope you have a great day. And btw if you end up reading this, what was the most interesting thing you did during your week? (Especially with all this kind of crazy chaotic situation we got going on in the world)I’d love to know.😊 cheers and have a great day and a greet week✌️🌅✨stay safe, and stay adaptable👊
The male interviewer nailed the ending with complimenting, making the speaker feel valued and special, being polite and funny. he'll be remembered ;)
You are so pretty and intelligent, Vanessa. Thank you
I have to pull these questions out for my next date, if I wasn't too boring on the first one 🙄
Emotionally engage.
Stop saying simple social scripts.
What has been the best part of your week?
Besides work what gets you up in the morning?
Working on any passion projects at the moment?
Be interested to be interesting
Everyone desires to be important.
Ask more how and why questions.
Don’t multitask.
Point your toes towards them.
Nod.
Vanessa, do you think it’s possible to train someone to have your charisma? You don’t have to start talking and I think wow, I wish I had her personality. I am sure that you work on improving your communication skills but I Truly feel that you are a natural. I enjoy listening to you and have hope on improving my people skills. Peace
Good video Vanessa.
1:53 , my answer: FOOD/breakfast lol
You and Marie Forleo really sound alike!
João Pedro Reis omg so true!
These questions are stupid but her facial expression, body language, enthusiasm and beauty makes up for it. Questions were:
What was the favorite part of your week(end)?
What makes you get up beside your work?
Working on any passion projects?
Most of the time nothing interesting happens during the week so the first question can actually make people uncomfortable. Second question takes time to answer if one has heard it for the first time, it's somewhat deep. Third one is fine. These questions should be asked to the person with whom you are close and comfortable.
My partner keeps saying I'm boring ahah this might be what I Needd to see ahah
I hate the same repetitive questions, how's your day, I haven't seen you in a while!
Also the answer to the question "how are you?" I'm tired, when you know they've done nothing all day.
“ a full bladder”🤭😂😂😂
I like her choice of words with some sense of humor.
I think you need to go with the energy of the interaction. These questions can sound rehearsed and canned in the wrong context or if delivered incorrectly.
Tip: people LOVE talking about themselves. And, you can find out a lot in a relatively short time if you act like they are the most fascinating thing in the world.
Society has put so many blockages in our way, things we can & can’t say, or do, the way we have to be careful we don’t offend the easily offended.
These questions work on interesting and dynamic people. I've asked these and similar questions and the amount of people that don't have a passion project, have had a routine week with nothing interesting in it, and just live to work most of the time. Sad but a true reality of a lot of adults these days.
Any tips on how to speak to boring people?
What passion project would you love to work on if you could. ?
If you could change your life any way you wasted, what would get you out of bed in the morning?
See where I'm going? ?? What are their dreams? If they're slow to open up share one of yours first.
Her words pictures my attitude to improve
The desire to feel important.x
Like any of these well intended advices they ususally requires a huge amount of energy to implement, especially if you are not a naturally charismatic person. Often you risk trying to change the core of yourself and this is a very destructive way.
Which applies to most people. Let's face it... most people aren't charismatic.
Why destructive though?
DarthMessias What do you believe advice is? You can either take the info learned, apply it to yourself or don’t.
If you WANT to become more charismatic then yes it does involve change, but isn’t that the point? You ARE worth the energy to work on yourself. 🦉
Some people at their core need to be built up due to social anxiety.