Growing Up Gay | Leaving a 35-year old Heterosexual Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
- Dr. 𝗥𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗻𝗲𝗹𝗹 found himself coerced into the conventional mold of a heterosexual marriage, a path far removed from his true identity.
#gaycouples #interracialmarriage #longtermrelationships
Dr. 𝗥𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗻𝗲𝗹𝗹 found himself coerced into the conventional mold of a heterosexual marriage, a path far removed from his true identity. This story tells of unshackling a soul that had been bound for far too long.
𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: ruclips.net/video/zcSvnOrRouo/видео.html
𝗠𝘆 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗚𝗮𝘆 𝗠𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽: ruclips.net/video/bomDS0-yt1g/видео.html
𝐀𝐝𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐨𝐧 | 𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞: ruclips.net/video/n3r_FuGD1K0/видео.html
𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐜𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐚𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬: ruclips.net/video/c4xt-EuPpz4/видео.html
❤❤❤
I loved watching the utube video of you telling your story and how you sent on to medical school and completing your residency. What a beautiful story. You've had your share if struggle and pain but was able to find peace, joy and love. I lived that your mom and dad supported you and attended the wedding.
Good see you ..😮
All it shows to me is a person with a very low level of integrity rather than societal coercion. I'm an old guy who learned very early on how you can deeply hurt a woman whom you had deep feelings for, and she for you, but that I was not able to perform the sex act with them. For that, I learned about myself and although It was a heartbreaking time for both of us, it made me utterly convinced that such a situation should never happen again, and I kept to that however much the assumption by others was that at some point I should do as everybody else was doing, that is, to get married. It was difficult for me subsequently, but I'd made an oath to myself and I still feel the right of it now.
Robert, 75. uk.
@@robertknight2556 I definitely give you credit for figuring that out at that time; however, on a grand scale, that might not mean much. Many others believed the professional opinions of their era, thinking their same-sex attraction was merely a phase that would pass. They had no reason to challenge the standard, common way of thinking. Perhaps you struggled with other issues in your life and inadvertently hurt those around you in different ways. Maybe you had addiction problems, personality issues, or smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, contributing to others' illnesses. Perhaps you faced financial issues and made poor choices that impacted others. Maybe you struggled with things that were non-issues for others. The point is, someone else's struggles, environment, and upbringing could be drastically different from yours. People live all kinds of lives.
I am 57, South African. In the early 80s it was illegal to be gay and we were actively arrested and detained. Socially, it was abhorrent, and religiously we were doomed to hell. Despite this and the pressure to marry, I just couldn't do that to an innocent woman. I never married. Societal pressure ruins lives. This guy is happy and he mentions in passing that his wife is still bitter... But wouldn't he be if the shoe was on the other foot? 37 years is a long time to live a lie and she has to pick up the pieces. I work in China and they are where we were 40 years ago; gays and lesbisns marrying due to societal pressure. The madness needs to end.
True, but also many man and women of your age or older tell me that at the time even professional therapists/counselors .... etc.... would tell people this was a phase, and if they got married it would go away! Many people would do anything not to be gay in that world, right? After all, you couldn't legitimately identify as GAY. That changes everything.
@@lgbtqarchives Yes, I agree. That's why I said that the madness needs to stop. Most of us knew we were gay for years. My family was/is very religious and I was horrified when my infatuation with my male friends as a child turned sexual during puberty. I prayed for years to be "cured". I wouldn't even touch myself for fear of the fantasies that would ensue. I was also eventually determined to have sex with a woman first "just to be sure", but the thought of it horrified me even more. 😁 It was not an ideal time for anyone. I was eventually outed by my sister's colleague who saw me kissing my boyfriend at a gay club. My father refused me permission on his property, but eventually came around to an extent, but I can't say I was his favourite child. I'm enjoying your series. 🌹🌹💗💗
@@lgbtqarchives By the way, by "the madness" I mean societal madness... not the madness of marrying. If the societal madness went away, the latter would be obsolete.
@@AndreDMalan1966 Totally! Do you still live in South Africa? Maybe one day you'll share some of your experiences growing up with LGBTQ Archives. Be nice to share your world from your perspective. Would love to work on your story.
@@lgbtqarchives Actually, I haven't lived in South Africa for 15 years. My partner of 20 years passed from renal failure 15 years ago (he was the guy I was kissing at the gay club 😁). I spent 3 years in Saudi Arabia (an experience of its own), 7 years in The United Arab Emirates, and I have been in China for 5 years now. I have actually written an autobiography that I'm struggling to have published. I'd love to share it with you if I had your contact details. You may have the necessary contacts I don't have.
If you multiply this story by 100 thousand happening around the globe on varied demographics...and yet we still choose to disregard the "heart wants what the heart needs". Get over it humanity....we are all just simple human beings. Love is Love!
So true Edward…we may physically present in different ways, but ultimately we are all human ❤
You hit the nail on the head, LOVE IS LOVE.
This story involves a marriage of thirty-five years, where love was presumably thought to be love but was a deceit. The guy, if he ever had any self-value, and fuck society, should have stated much earlier he preferred cock.
I love the comments you have on your post. I also loved your post. Man. Why are only hateful people commenting on mine???? Seriously though, you make a good point.
Most don't have the courage to say it. The LGBT community is toxic, there is no love. It's a normal thing to see heterosexual couples embracing their differences, but the vast majority of gays only value aesthetic beauty, which is often illusory. The vast majority of gays are futile and empty.
As someone who has been the collateral damage on the other side though, I sincerely hope that your ex-wife is able to end up being as happy as you are because for us it’s not always so easy.
I've said this before. Our society has failed you and everyone else affected by the marriage that should not have happened in the first place. That's what people and politicians need to understand. There are REAL victims to pretend relationships that are formed or shaped based on societal norms. If you were local, I would've totally invited you as a guest speaker and document life as it happened from your perspective. Much love ❤
I've known several male-to-female transgenders that have done this. With one, s/he divorced her wife after 30 years of marriage and apparently the wife didn't work because she had to move in with her elderly father. Maybe it's different for gay men, but I wonder if her wife didn't have a clue. After 30 years you'd think she would've found hubby's dresses and falsies stashed around the house, but decided to look the other way instead of asking too many questions.
@@methaqualone5191 Yeah, that's a little strange. I don't see how someone could successfully hide that part of his/her life all the way through. Mistakes happen, things don't make sense, lies don't add up...etc. You may be right about that. Are there exceptions? Probably.
@@lgbtqarchives....'Our society', as you refer to it, did indeed at one time require gay men (and lesbians) to marry and that was a wrong crippling thing. However, in the Western world, at least, there might still be this pressure nowadays for religious reasons, but otherwise anyone can strike out and affirm their sexuality, whatever is proscribed by family or uninformed people. Indeed, there are laws, employment or otherwise, and strictures on hate crime, verbal or physical, here in the UK.
In short, there is no reason now why anyone should marry to hide their sexuality. It would be regarded as morally wrong and actually very weird to do so.
You are making an issue of the past which doesn't relate to the present. Robert.
@@robertknight2556 Robert, you're making general assumptions that don't apply to everyone even in the same zip code, let alone in different cities or countries. Regardless of what the law says, people to this day go through violently different experiences. What you said may be true, but only if you were commenting on a modern dating/marriage context that is happening nowadays. If one's marriage has roots in the past, it would be affected by whatever was going on in the past. You can't separate the two... .
I can't imagine being tied up in a hetero relationship for 3 days, let alone 30 years! I see some hate comments around here blaming this man. My uncle kicked out my older cousin when he found out he was gay. He lived with some already over-crowded family members for a while. Few years later he died of "accidental" overdose...they said. I saw that as a kid and was horrified to be found out. I would literally avoid looking at my uncle in family gatherings, as I thought he could see right through me. Some people could never understand how society can shape one's life. I think of Tio all the time. One day I'll find the courage to record his story. Thank you very much for sharing these amazing stories.
I would have forgo marriage altogether if I knew I had same sex attractions. Actually I did!
@@peraman2022 ...Good man.
The problem was the two guys, not the society of that era or any era, to allow anyone to have that much influence over your life!!!!! I always told my parents how I felt whenever they tried to force their religious beliefs including dictating whom I should date or friends and father was the type who would use force I fought back, so no we never had what's referred to as a family life!!! Do I regret now in my senior years when they're both gone? Absolutely NOT!!!!!
@@PedroCarrillo-qo4hw I disagree with that. You're very wrong about that. My very Catholic Uncle found some love letters and stuff, put the two together and figured out his oldest son -16 at the time- was gay. He was 5 years older than me. Soon, he kicked him out. For a while he stayed with some family members. From there things only got worse, and within a year or two he ended up homeless and died of overdose. The society had everything to do with it. Your story is your story, but it doesn't change the history. Tio wasn't as lucky. There are many horror stories out there.
Come on! There are heterosexual relationships that work. In the LGBT community, the vast majority of gays are futile, narcissistic, racist, empty people who only value aesthetic and material beauty. Straight people see reality as it is. It's more common to see straight couples embracing their differences than gay couples.
I only hope that the man I fell in love with so many years ago found happiness like this. We weren’t possible, but he deserves his joy.
His poor wife got the money but as he said she is still not happy. Because she is heart broken and she married a liar !!! sad
Your story and mine, in many ways, are very similars. I am also married to my husband and I can say I live in peace and true happiness. Combined we have 6 daughters and 12 grandchildren. Both retired at elementary school teachers. I came out at 57 and divorced after two years proceeding. She took 80% of everything and I didn't mind....because "Freedom" is not value in money, but peace and happiness. Thank you for sharing your story.
You came out at 57, how can you allow anyone or anything to have that much influence or control over your personal life?!!!
80% is waaaay too much.
I couldn't have said it better myself, he must have been really desperate to get out of this marriage, I actually feel sorry for whoever the poor woman was, a scapegoat!!!!!
@@leeboriack8054 He took away a lot more from her
@@leeboriack8054 You think 80% was too much?!!! His ex-wife was too nice; he should have been kicked out the door with only his clothes on his back!!! And I've always been tolerant toward l.g.b.t. people an auntie was a closet gay although my grandparents were tolerant people but I draw the line on people like this man to deceive another human being for thirty five years because of his cowardness!!! How do you sleep at night or are you one of those with no conscience I'm referring to the man in question!!!!!
I feel for him...but I feel for his wife too. The homophobic society forced him into the closet and into a marriage with a woman for safety. It wasn't the wife's fault either. But she essentially wasted her youth and life on him. Again, it's homophobia that is to blame here. I hope she finds her happy ending too.
I just wish he had divorced her sooner...even if he hadn't found his true love. Even if society failed them both, he still holds accountability for leading her on for 35 years. He cheated on her multiple times. I'm glad the marriage has ended and she is protected financially...but just think of the trauma she went through. There's no way that he can just wash his hands off that.
That’s the price that people end up paying. There’s no real gain in forcing people to follow norms. Everyone suffers.
@@lgbtqarchivesNo, the only people left to suffer are the victims because he had his cake and ice cream. He's no victim because he knew what he was and still did it. Tab Hunter didn't marry a woman and Freddie Mercury ended his engagement before the woman could be destroyed.
@@ebonylady I have to agree. I am so sorry that he had to struggle with that conflict -- but now he's over the moon happy and will probably live many years with his love. And his wife -- she struggled also, didn't she? Wondering why she felt so alone, hoping it was some kind of phase (?), was she simply not attractive (?), she wondered, she avoided asking but he KNEW ALL ALONG. And now, when she's old and less likely to find the love that he has found, probably lost any self confidence she started out with -- now she's alone, well fixed but on her own. If only he'd left her when she had years and years ahead to sort it all out!
@@ebonyladyYou are being emotional and not thinking logically. Yes he was wrong for lying to his wife about his sexuality, but we need to address the root issues that cause these men to hurt the women which is homophobia and a scarce understanding of sexuality. This will never stop until then
"There's just happiness..." Goal.
Not when it hurts others.
What a heartfelt and moving story.
I am glad you found your way.
We all have the opportunity to create our own realities.
I was raised in the old south and it was really tough coming out in 1978.
My college roommate and I became something more than roommates and when our Catholic families found out, they were freaked out and disgusted.
intolerable in 1982
My husband and I are now together for 45 years, comfortably retired, AND we are back living in the south again to be nearer to our families.
In our case, time healed the old wounds and in our case, blood is thicker than water.
My love for my husband is as deep today as it was in the beginning.
fulfillment
This is such TRUTH and can be spoken in similar ways by thousands of traumatized men who in their various environments felt the only way to acceptance was through marriage. The other common thread is that after marriage, acceptance doesn't come and the trauma and anxiety remains. This is am important message.
You may have given your wife whatever she wanted, but her bitterness comes from the fact that you made her live your life
I was 19 in 1979 when i came out. I knew from the start i was gay from an early age. I knew i never wanted to be with a women. Everyone has their own path. Glad you found yours.
Yeah but to wait for thirty five years?!!!😮
@@PedroCarrillo-qo4hw It was a long path
Right, you spared some poor female a terrible situation.
Thank you very much for sharing your story.
Amazing Story. Imagine how many people learn from your experience and how much easier the coming out will be for countless others. Thank you
Wow, watching this and reading the comments has made me realize I did the right thing. I was married for 37 years before I left my wife for a man who was married to a woman for 39 years. We both played during our marriages, but when we met each other, we knew right away that we were meant for each other. We still dated for a couple of years trying to accommodate our wives and each other before we made the hardest decision to leave our wives for each other. It was the best decision we could have made. Now, after living together for 5 and a half years, I can finally say I'm happy.
Thanks for your story!
Wow, that was a hard decision for both of you. I have friends in similar situations who couldn’t breakaway… not because their wives don’t want them to, but because of financial consequences. Their lives are intertwined in such a way that neither could survive without the other.
No. You hurt a woman badly. Even if she forgave you. You took 37 years from her. What about her happiness? If you had not used her to stay in a closet, she could have found a man who would love her for the rest of her life. Instead she had to start over in an age age where she was supposed to be relaxed, sheltered and protected and enjoy her old age with her husband. You pulled the mat under her feet. Money is nothing as compared to the hurt you caused. You messed up her life.
@@sipnog3528Exactly! No one should be applauding men who are lying to their wives, opening these women up to sexu@lly transmitted diseases. Be who you want to be in life but leave your dysfunction out of the lives of women. Ladies, please be careful. If you see ANY sign that your boyfriend or husband wants to be with men, LEAVE him immediately. It is another form of misogyny that they have NO problem faking loving you, waisting your time, your energy, your childbearing years, your resources while lying to the world. I pray for women to find men who Genuinely want to be with them.
He was failed by society, she was failed by both him and society.. so no, not exactly the same. He needs to take accountability, he was dishonest and used somebody else to create safety for himself and in the process ended up taking someone else's youth and opportunities to be in an authentic relationship away. To put it bluntly, he was a coward.
@@sipnog3528100% right.
So many of us can relate. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so happy for you! Please have sympathy for your wife. She only has this one life as well. 🌺
After 30+ years of marriage, it would be curious to hear his ex-wife side of the story and how she's doing.
A follow up video will be posted in the near future. 😀
What a wonderful message. Thank you
Rick, what an amazing story of how you struggled with who you inherently were and finally coming out the other side as a happily married man to another loving man. Thirty-five years was quite a long time to be in a relationship that was not right for you, but you settled amicably with your wife in the best and only way you knew how. Kudos to you and your loving husband!
In the late 60s and 70s, I attended Yale and then Harvard. Both were very supportive environments for gay men and gay relationships. I had boyfriends throughout this time, and there was no discrimination and only support from other students as well as all adults in the university community. I was the pipular, elected head of student government at Yale, then the respected senior resident tutor at Harvard. Being gay and out was never a problem. I then joined the U.N., another very supportive environment. I know I'm a lucky man.
Would've loved to do an interview with you with that context! I had David who graduated from Notre Dame which is a very Catholic environment. Apparently up until recently, they didn't even have an official LGBT Alumni group ...let alone being gay friendly in the 60s. Here's his account: ruclips.net/video/nhS9OC_Uets/видео.html
Thank you for sharing. This was my story as well......except children were involved and my ex-wife and I moved beyond anger and bitterness in co-parenting. She re-married and asked me to be a godfather of her two sons. My husband and I have been married/together now for 36 years.
Wow, glad you were able to make it work. I know it took a ton of work to get there though. Thanks for sharing your experience. ❤️
I'm so glad that you were finally able to make the move and live your life as you feel fit.🙏🙏🙏
As a gay man in his 60's, this story is so familiar. I forced myself to date women for years because of the way that homosexuality was perceived and treated. Even in California, you could be fired from your job for being gay. We had no choice but to be closeted (or independently wealthy). It's amazing what people can do and contribute when they can be their authenticate selves.
Well, as a gay man of 75, I long long ago deeply hurt a young woman who I was very close to, in love, you might say, and I determined never to lie to myself or to any other woman from then on. It's a unkindness to deceive someone at any time, but especially where the heart and feeling are concerned.
Yes, when I did finally come out in a time when being gay was acquiring some sort of legal and societal acceptance, I can't describe how liberated I felt. Robert, uk.
My cousin and myself grew up in Louisiana in the '60s and '70s, but my cousin had it easier when it came to employment. He knew a lot of people, some gay and some straight women, that helped him get jobs where they worked that paid more money that he didn't become desperately poor or homeless. Plus he always had boyfriends or gay roommates he shared expenses with.
Dating is different from marrying one and living a lie for years, while fooling around with men on the side possibly giving your unsuspecting wife an STD.
Thank God I divorced after six months of marriage in 1977.
I dated a man when I was 19 who wouldn't come out. He's married to a woman now. I feel for you deeply, but I also have resentment toward people who live closeted lives. You hurt so many people for years, cheat, lie, and get to have your cake & eat it too. It's hard to have empathy for that, but I'm trying! I know it's insanely hard to exist as a gay man in this world.
The majority of the guys who claim to be attracted to transgenders do that too. At the end of the day they dump you over to go back to genetic females. Like you said "They cheat and lie and hurt people because they want their cake and to eat it too."
Just sounds very judgemental, IMO. I think it's very unfortunate that people were made to feel that they had to hide themselves and lead double lives. But I'm definitely not automatically blaming them. A lot of people on both sides of the issue have gotten hurt as a result of people's rampant bigotry and ignorance, sometimes even the wives, the parents, neighbors, teachers, pastors, employers, etc. played a part in society's intolerance. So, if you need to blame someone, putting it all on the gay divorcee is really a form of scapegoating. It's easy to point the finger at them. But it's complicated, especially back when most of these guys are talking about.
@@ayejay8862 I definitely agree with most of what you said. My biggest issue I think is that I lost almost everyone/everything in my life coming out at 16-18 yrs old (came out at different times to different people). I'm only 30, it wasn't "back then" like so many people talk about. I was ostracized and abused HEAVILY by my family, church, community, school, even my freaking therapist when I came out. Kicked out of the house, beaten, and sadly, my story is not nearly as bad as so many I've heard. So I see these people that want to "have their cake and eat it too" (I hate that saying, but I'm using it AGAIN cuz it works 😅), and as an effeminate gay man I see these closeted men treat us like CRAP to cover for themselves. Point the finger at us so no one looks in their direction. They knowingly hurt so many people out of pure cowardice (obviously not all the time--safety should always be top priority!), and who takes the brunt of the hatred? People like me. We do. The fems, the "f*gs." They get to be "happy" with their homophobic friends and family while we get treated like crap, then they sleep with us behind their friends & family's backs. Obviously, this doesn't apply to every situation, I'm generalizing here, but overall that's my issue. Like I said, I'm trying to be more empathetic about this stuff, but it's difficult. I never had the privilege to hide. Everyone always knew I was gay, they just waited til I came out to shut me out and abuse me more heavily than they already had. So when someone is like "Oh, I just cheated on my wife for x amount of years until I got the courage to come out," all I can think is, "f*ck you." Not to mention someone who cheats for that long with little to no remorse is already disgusting, closeted or not, str8, gay, whatever. That's a bad person to me. They have no idea the burden WE (the openly gay folk, especially fems) shoulder for them. They will never know or have the strength we do, nor will they have the gratitude for us that they should.
Anyway lol rant over.
Would it be okay if I used screenshots of this conversation for a video?
I really loved that you called it how you saw it, but weren't hateful or abusive while critiquing me. It's something I wish more people could do. Props to you! Doin' better than I am for sure! We don't have to agree to be civil. This is a dialogue I want to explore in my content, so if it's okay with you I'd love to do that in a video! If not it's totally cool too. I can use your points without using a screenshot haha
@@selispeks My cousin got kicked out when my uncle found out he was gay. He got kicked out right away. I was pretty young then. He was heart broken and embarrassed. He did stay with a number of family members for a while but eventually it was too much for him to handle, so he took off. He didn't make it to 20. Cause of death... accidental overdose they said. I still remember him. Some people will never understand.
@@CarlosAndGabriel It's painful as hell--what those of us who speak the truth go through. I was so lucky, brought back to life after a purposeful OD & medically induced coma. I got the chance your family member didn't 😞 I'm not going to waste it on condoning the actions of cowards and liars. The more people who are open about who we are (and then VOTE for people who are okay with it) the sooner we will have true equality. It won't happen very quickly, but it can happen.
Thanks for sharing that pain w/the world. Vulnerability is where it starts!
Dude screwed around on his wife for 20 years, think she's entitled to a little anger?
Exactly! What if he caught something and brought it home?
he screwed up her life, and now he's happy. Wow I 'm her it was deplorable, but he's happy that's all that matters. 😢 8:31
Wanted it all. Didn't care about the female victim. Typical male behavior.
Weird to be this way selfish coward what if u brought back aids to ur ex wife shame on u old hags
35 years friend!
Glad he found peace, sad he married and put her life through grief. I have much respect for men who live their truth.
what a great story it's inspiring at age 54 we're in some challenging times.I gave up on looking for love many moons ago so I'm hoping love would find me.
What??? Why retire so soon young man! That’s almost illegal! 😂
Wonderful story of resilience, hope, joy and fulfillment. As long as you have your wits about you, it's never to late to live your best life. Well done, sir.
where is the resilience? the guy was double dipping for 35 years
This isn't a story of unalloyed bliss -- there was another person in the picture. She's bitter -- who is helping her find bliss for her own future?
Great story! Thank you for sharing !
What a sad, beautiful, wonderful story. I hope your wife heals someday, but if not, you have a wonderful, loving husband. ❤️
Oh, well, that's alright then. Sustain a marriage for thirty five years, and then, oh I hope your wife heals someday, but anyway, whatever, you're happy now. What a jerk (you and him).
Is it really much different than heteros marring and divorcing to find there true love. Way too much pearl clutching here! Stop making judgement on other people.(Unless your name is Judy)
Marrying and their-
@@caroljackson5419....It is really quite different in that a fundamental deceit lay at the foundations of their marriage. I entirely understand the pressure on a gay man (or gay woman) at one time to marry, but to have carried on for a further 34 years is bewildering and unkind.
By the way, I don't possess pearls (they just don't suit my skin colour, even if I could afford them) and Judy, whether as a judge or not, is not a name I would ever favour. Robert, uk.
@@robertknight2556 Robert,everyone has an opinion. I don't know how old you are but at one time there were reprecussions for being gay. As time went on and opinions changed somewhat, people became more comfortable being their true selves. You have no idea what a person was going through, therefore it is not up to you to judge. Being 70 years old ,I came out in 1974. I was more strong willed than most. Decided not to marry to avoid the aftermath of a divorce rather than just to play along. But some people are more comfortable staying under the radar so to speak. I commend you for taking your stance but you do not know an individuals circumstance. Your thoughts may not change but those thoughts are yours. If your feet don't fit another persons shoes find another pair but dont be so negative to a person for making their decision no matter how wrong you think it is. Wishing nothing but the best. Stay enlightened.
Great Story. In this day and age we need to be honest with the straight people who want to marry us. We can be their friends, we can love them, but our hearts and soul go to someone of the same sex. Be honest with yourself, be honest with those who want to get emotionally involved with us when we know we will never be emotionally involved with them. Been There, Done That. Glad you found your right life mate.
So glad he could find happiness. His wife should find peace that he was honest earlier on. She could have left hum and found her own happiness. I hope his children support him.
I don't think they had children, but he's coming back to do a follow up video on this subject. I'll definitely bring this up. Thanks a lot!
"I've got valuable contributions to make now, you can take that or leave that, but I have a feeling you're gonna take it." HELL YES I AM !!!
Yours is a charming and endearing life story. Thanks for sharing this on RUclips.
Love this. Attractive and confident.
I'm so happy for you both that you're happy now. But I can help but to feel for your ex-wife. After 34 years, she's definitely entitled to feel angry and bitter.
I get Stan and Dorothy Zbornak.
Nonetheless, it's been a win-win situation for both. It was a miserable marriage for both of them. At least for the past 15 years, she's had an opportunity to pursue something real...and she's protected financially. This is really the best case scenario that one could expect out of a relationship like this. Of course, there will be a heart break. Society failed both of them.
@@lgbtqarchivesI ❤❤❤ this response: "society failed BOTH of them."
It is sad that society has created this situation, and in many countries, this is still happening.
@@trenttan3779 Yes! And in an odd way, the same society ends up paying for it. More damaged people means more angry and depressed people… .
@@lgbtqarchives He was failed by society, she was failed by both him and society.. so no, not exactly the same. He needs to take accountability, he was dishonest and used somebody else to create safety for himself and in the process ended up taking someone else's youth and opportunities to be in an authentic relationship away. To put it bluntly, he was a coward.
Definitely beautiful and inspiring! Love is Who made us and love is who we are and love is all we need ♥️
Gracias, gracias, gracias por toda esta reflexión tan esclarecedora. SEAN FELICES!!!
Thank you for sharing your story mirrored my story to a T. I found my man had 15 wonderful years until he passed last January from Cancer. I miss him dearly but remain happy and hope to love again.
I remember those gay personals in the back of the local gay mag. Men were still trifling, but it showed a deeper level of commitment to meeting and dating with a purpose.
I've actually recorded a few interesting stories on that. Extremely interesting! It's such a low effort thing to get in touch with someone on social apps today. People do it all day every day. Sometimes they don't even say a word. They just drop a smiley face or something...whereas with that old way of doing things, you had to make a real effort and wait days if not weeks to hear back. I can only imagine the excitement when the mailman would deliver the mail.
@@lgbtqarchivesVery interesting. From the start the gay personals fascinated me. Men had to present themselves in their thoughts and words. Nowadays everything is canned, anonymous and wholly interchangeable. If possible, I'd be interested in learning more about your findings on this topic.
Amazing your parents stood by your choices ,wishing you & your husband all the best .
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing and giving us pearls of wisdom at the end.
First of all kudos to you for finally living in your truth for real. And although the man isn't forth coming, I've always wanted a beachside, barefoot wedding. That would be the ultimate experience for me. God bless you and your husband. I wish you two many more years of happiness.
How nice. Enjoyed this as same boat here.
More folks need to watch this - it should be required education!
Great story. Thank you. ❤❤
What a compelling story. I'm glad you found your person in the end. Kind regards❤
great story, Tell Clarence I say hello! Mel
Thank you for being vulnerable.
At approx. 8:15, you articulated the absolute resonance of where ALL people need to be -“Love yourself at your core.” - so that ultimately, you are not only able to fully embrace and love another, you are able to do so with unwavering authenticity, honesty, and the priceless abidance of sheer peace.
how very fortunate he is.
Congrats sir, on finding your path. Good luck 🍀
What a truthful articulation of so many similar lives and mine so very similar!! Thank You for sharing…
Great story.❤️❤️❤️
Congrats! Been there done that but I was foolish enough to have a nervous breakdown first!
Amazing story, wonderful ending! And it’s not over yet!
Yes, it’s definitely not over yet. They’re going strong. ❤️
@@lgbtqarchives happiness is elusive, when you find it, don’t let it go.🥰
Thanks man,for sharing your story ❤
What an engaging story. Thank you for sharing.
Wonderful ending ❤
So glad you are living
Your best life.
Truly ❤
Understood and appreciate you telling my story also. Thank you
Thanks for sharing....great story and life
Aww! what a beautiful story, Great you.
Awesome story thanks for sharing ❤
This is the most romantic story I’ve ever heard!!❤
Someday my Prince will come.😉
When it happens, you better let us know!
@@lgbtqarchives You will be the first!❤️
You go boy! Your story makes me proud to be who I am.😀
Not only love yourself, but be your true self. Life is way too short not to live your best life. Most guys get caught up in how much the divorce was going to cost them. The divorce may cost you half of everything you have. But staying in the relationship will cost you everything. Plus, give your ex spouse a shot at finding their happiness while there is still time. They deserve that as well. Even if you're not married and coming out to parents or family is stopping you.... WTH? It's your life. It's your time here on earth. Get to it.
Lovely story xx Thank You for sharing xx
People need to accept people for who they are and we would not have these issues !!
Such a simple and yet powerful concept/solution right here. Now people are trying to vote against same-sex marriage…but later on they want to complain why gay people married straight people. Such a broken cycle!
"Accept" means ANYBODY and ANYTHING @Minor-Attracted-Persons, @Drug-Addicts, @Gang-Members, @Satanists-Witches-Psychics, etc NO NO & NEVER !
Thank you for sharing! I hope your life will be happy forever!
Wow. I’m SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU! ❤such a love story!
Beautiful; made me tear up.❤️
Similar story. Just had the courage to be honest with myself and come out and glad I did
As a 70 year old gay guy, I’m always a little perplexed by these tales of confused hesitational acceptance and the consequential damage that is caused by the offloading of responsibility for the years of inaction and not confronting of the reality of the situation. When you’re gay you know it, as a core value, yet so many find excuses for procrastination and inaction, blaming external forces and imaginary pressures, that in all honesty don’t exist, they are just fabricated, dishonest and lazy excuses to avoid confronting the truth.
I grew up in a small regional city in Australia in the 1950s, a tougher, more homophobic environment doesn’t exist, yet not once in my long journey, have I ever felt the need to not be true to my self!
Peter, your experience of never feeling the need to hide your true self is commendable, however, it's important to acknowledge that not everyone's circumstances, personality, or environment will enable the same level of self-acceptance. If one was to take a closer look at your life, they would easily find a TON of twisted issues that have plagued your life to this day and yet the same exact problems would totally be a non-issue to others in similar situations. Life is complicated. Just because you were good or natural at dealing with a particular situation means nothing on a grand scale.
@@lgbtqarchives I wish I could love this comment 1000 times.
Feel really bad for his ex-wife. 35 years of cheating and manipulation.....this guy was not just thinking about being gay,,, he was acting on it,,,, you do you Doctor but this is a sad story that someone is trying to justify...
Thank you...that's my point! He created this entire situation by marrying a woman and then cheated her out of her youth, beauty, and time but somehow he's a victim.
You have no point. You have absolutely no point at all! You've failed to understand the main issue here. This was happening to millions of people. It still happens in other countries. It happens in China, India and the Middle East everyday! Being Gay wasn't even a thing for many then. They didn't even have a word for it. There was no education or support system for it. These people grew up in a time where being gay was shameful. Most people hated the fact that they had same-sex attractions. You would get arrested or beat up on the streets. What are you talking about? This is not a modern talk show! You're so confused.
@@lgbtqarchives oh I understood it very well. The guy was loose and Fing around while married to a woman regardless of consequences. If this was a hetero man, he would be called all kinds of names by my questionable moral's gays. I bet millions of the gays you mentioned in the countries you mentioned did not choose to ruin someone's life but are living their truth.... and as a bonus point this guy comes across as creepy hot mess who is probably on Grinder right now looking for some side dikling
@@rosenheimandsalzburg You did not understand it at all! If this was a hetero man? Hetero man and women leave each other for someone else all the time! What does that have anything to do with this video?
The truth came out. You couldn't hold it back anymore and had to resort to making random comments like this: "This guy comes across as creepy hot mess". I never said people in their 20s set out to ruin someone's life. I never said that, you said that. If you actually don't have solid proof for your claims, I'm gonna ask you not to post abusive comments anymore. That's fine if you don't agree with how people live their lives, but once you start making wild assumptions, we could totally do that to you as well. It goes both ways buddy, so keep your attitude in check!
@@lgbtqarchives Ethical behaviour and staying true to your principles is a timeless concept. It's not like if they would've gotten killed had they not married. That's just BS. They wanted to not be found out and used someone else to feel safe, not giving a toss about what that means for that other person. That's cowardice, nothing to do with being gay. Not every gay person was marrying at that time. Some actually had a conscience.
Bravo!!
It is good you were able to find happiness...
As a straight woman from Mexico, I can tell you that you did nothing wrong, you didnt know to be yourself since you wyere a child because of your parent[s wishes or expectancies....I think perhaps your ex-wife had not much experience with guys before you, perhaps you were her first real boyfriend, and she couldn't see any CLUES that you were gay (some women raised in very religious families, never talk about sex and about acting this way or that way...lots of important topics are taboo)...You speak with what I consider a masculine voice, you dont have manerism, you look masculine, only people very close to you, in an intimate relationship could have guessed or have a hint that you are gay..I'm sorry about your wife not knowing before marriage but I think if she had a hint, she could have asked you to say the truht or take a time out to think about it before marriage...dont know if you have kids.your children what happened after you came out and divoreced....Hope everything goes well to you and your partner...blessings from Monterey, Mexico.
Yes. From what he told me, she was just like him. Neither had any serious sexual encounters or prior relationships at all. She knew of his male attractions, but they were told it would go away. He was raised on a farm in a small town. It took a long time for him to figure thing out. Life is not perfect after all.
I appreciate the fact he chose to come straight with his wife, let her know where he at, more men should watch this & be honest instead of leading their wives on....and women if he does reveal his true heart just let him go, you will never change that no matter what.
Beautiful story!!
Funny thing
i guess i’m not considered a friend. I was not invited to the wedding.
Dr Ask Ur hubby who i am. Daryl P friend from NY.
This is Earl
I enjoyed ur story ✌🏾🌹
I tried being married once.
It lasted seven months.....total disaster.
Had to go the hard way.
Another comment...I lived in a closet forever...I am psychic 🔮 .I have been out for awhile n ow.. Yeah , we all have closets..... mine was where if you came out they burned you at the stake....the hardest was trying to raise my son to "fit in" when he was like me. My mother and I tried so hard to get him to camafolague himself...but he couldn't truly understand. We didn't tell him that people like us were hunted down, tortured, and brutally executited . And we (mistakenly) Were living in Texas then. I amglad that you have a loving happy life. We all deserve that. And yes your x wife feels deep anger and hurt because she bought into the happily ever after lie and you (from her perspective) destroyed her idea of what she thought you should be. You effectively killed her husband. And you probably embarrassed her with her "friends". But still ,you are happy and you deserve to be. Peace and Love my friend ❤️
I’m so happy for you….
I Feel U...it can be a struggle. 🌈
Just perfect!
Please be safe!!
Thank you for sharing your Story. ❤
"I got that now". Yeah after 30 something years of cheating on a woman who was lied to for all of her youthful years and left alone in her middle ages. Selfishness, selfishness, selfishness.
That's how I feel about because she gave up your youth, beauty, and time to a man fooling around on her. Not to mention the dangers of STD while he happily rides off to start his "new" life. Don't ever be afraid to investigate a potential mate because you just might save yourself.
You keep posting the same thing over and over, so here's the same answer again: If you can't understand the context of these issues, then go educate yourself. This might come as a shock to you, but even straight people get divorced all the time for super ridiculous reasons... let alone for something complicated like this. Where were you when being GAY was considered a disease? Where were you when the best seller book was spreading all kinds of wrong information about what gay was? Amazon pulled them out of the circulation some years ago. Where were you when gay conversion programs would use electric shock and all kinds of inhumane methods to torture young people? You're totally clueless! You have no idea what you're talking about lady! You know how many young people became homeless or addict because they got thrown out of their home? You're out here talking as if, this is a modern dating show that happened just now and some guy randomly cheated on a woman. Ridiculous!
@@lgbtqarchives Still doesn't explain why they felt the need to MARRY and ruin another person's life. Plenty of gay people were in the closet, safe and happily unmarried in my culture. Guess some people don't have a conscience, whether gay or not.
What the f are you doing with a 19 yr okd at 35? thats creepy. He may not be a minor, but do you think thats appropriate?
My parents were 18 years apart and were together for 46 years till my dad passed away. I know of many straight or gay couples with a larger age gap. 19 year olds have every right to meet whomever they’re attracted to as much as you do.
Interesting....
Good for you ! Be very happy ❤
So moving.
Oh, sweet darling,you never did anything wrong. You are who you are. And God does not make mistakes. 72 yr of age lady here, never married ( Because I never found Mr. Linda Bushop) .I am straight , have found my guy ,but he died 2 yrs and 7 months after we got together ❤️. So I have been alone since 1999. But I am content, I have wonderful dogs ,akitty and (don't laugh) 4 chickens that really love me. And 10 yes ago I found a boyfriend from 50vyrs ago And we are great dear old age friends. HE even has extended am invitation to me to be buried (creamented) with him. NOW isn't that love , yes it is.
Oh dear Linda! I'm so sorry about your loss. You have a point though. Sometimes animals do a better job than we do. You're such a lovely person. He better treats you well, or else we'll raise hell! ;)
@@lgbtqarchives OH, my hunny bunny... I just love ❤️ your comment dearest. BUT my old befriend lives in Tennessee and I live in Texas ...I am a Blue Dot in a Red Sea here honey...heavy sigh ...trying to win lottery...not kidding....peace and Love my friend ❤️
@@lgbtqarchives And thank you sweet darling for having my back 😘 ❤️ 💕..Can I ask for you to pray 🙏 for me and spread the word out there, my landlord wife has gone totally KAREN and is threatening eviction and or excessive rent increase. Too much to tell ,but she is a narcissistic and dangerous person. I have been here 10 plus yrs. He married her 2 yrs ago .His 1st wife....Money she wants.....the things I could tell you...he has alzhimers, she wants a new will. GEEZ LOUISE...please pray 🙏 for m e ,him and my animals
Well said....so inspiring.
So it's all society's fault. He could have stayed single instead of taking away that woman's best years. I'm gay so i'm entitled to lie, cheat, and take advantage of others. Selfish.
Can you be any more judgmental from the comfort of your couch in 2023 typing away absolute nonsense?
So sad. As a woman is be devastated to have wasted a lifetime of youth and love and time, etcétera devotion
But that also goes for gay women who were coerced into heterosexual marriages. Everybody’s time and energy gets wasted. In fact that’s even true with all relationships even today that end up in failure.
Great story but heartbreaking 💔 I don’t know why people use other people this way. Have the courage to live authentically 😞
It's also heartbreaking that your society and scientists and psychiatrists and religious people did everything in their power to discourage people (younger demographic in particular) from living authentically... and with that came long-term relationships that should not have happened in the first place... or at least no on that massive scale. Do some research and see how gay man and women from that era walked down that path.
@@lgbtqarchives you can’t blame society or anything else for having the lack of courage to live your best life. You can’t tell me to do research because I have seen this story play out to the point of death. It is selfish of a person not to be who you are authentically and use others to hide your true identity. It is absolutely disgusting to waste your life hiding who you truly love. It makes me sick!!!
@jasintamoore3372 It makes me sick that society does not want to be held accountable for their actions and yet they're demanding PERFECT outcome from the very faulty relationships they encouraged and demanded. It's like saying, you can't blame society or anything else for slavery. They could've just walked off. Ridiculous!
@@lgbtqarchives no this is so far removed from taking an entire race of people and degrading and systematically disenfranchising them and their descendants to this very day. Society is not redlining the LGBTQ+ community. No one has every burned down your home for buying a house in their community or burned a cross on your lawn. Please don’t make that comparison between equity and the right to love who wish without feeling guilty or shame. It’s not the same!!! I will not respond to you again because it is clear that you and I will never agree.
Of course I will never agree with the nonsense you're typing from the comfort of your couch in 2023, trying push your self righteous uneducated narrative and judge those who have lived under brutal conditions. Of course your comments are not gonna go unchallenged! Your best seller books of the time said homosexuality was very much a disease. What are you talking about? At least be able to read a few books on the subject and watch some documentaries to get an idea on the history of LGBTQ. People actually got beaten up, lost their jobs, never got promoted and so on and so forth ... because they were gay. Gay women? Let's not even go there. Bye!