The Desire to Not Exist
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
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The thing with death, though, is that a footprint of your life would still be left behind. Loved ones that would mourn your loss, embarrassing moments that people would still remember. But there’s a third option that’s not temporal like sleep, and doesn’t leave hurt behind like death. If you’re watching this video right now, chances are you’ve flirted with this third option; you’ve had the desire to not exist. What exactly is this feeling? How does it differ from death? And what can it teach us about life?
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Развлечения
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor BetterHelp. Click betterhelp.com/aperture for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy with a licensed professional specific to your needs.
BetterHelp is a scam if I'm not mistaken
@@wolverdep4739That would basically make @ApertureThinking an even bigger scammer!!
6:10
I don’t have any money for a therapist so I watch RUclips.
Can this therapist convince me that antinatalism is wrong? 😉
No matter how's the day going, the best part is going to bed and the worst is waking up
I agree
Coffee is about the only thing I think of looking forward to the most when I wake up... 😒☕And watching some "living a life of abundance" 🙏🤗
But once all hell breaks loose for the purging time to come.... idk.... I just don't really knoe bruh.... 😤 But then when you think of everything... Even the things that make sense still doesn't seem to make much sense because everythings just an endless loop of bs and the nonsense continues with or without us around and seemingly the only thing to stop it all is if all the worst POS just get wiped the hell out or everyone at once through a mass depopulation event that's soon to come anyways due to mother nature running it's course to put us all through another ice age after some catastrophic event, like the flood or Noah or a massive volcano eruption, possibly even reptilian or alien takeover 🤔 hopefully, they'll be like, understanding of chit and provide me a safe passage to watch the chitshow unfold with front row seats with them to finally see some long waited justice and closures take place while my robots if not some fefails serve out those sandwiches. Back to that Kitchen BEACHES! 💯💊💪
@@mizum3458living a life of abundance 💪
@@mizum3458 is this a copypasta I don't know about
@@littlemilk973 that's just my way of sometimes being a vent-tea during those moments when overthinking things while lit hoping to find the answers to some of life's unanswered questions. I think I see what you did there... Or maybe I'm just overthinking too many things that don't exist... Or maybe I'm not being paranoid enough about all the things that really do. Or just maybe most everyone else is paranoid and overthinking things thinking everythings typed is always a copypasta while being an original venttea... I'm going change things up by doing a blend of matcha soon bc that tea causes the colors vibrating in the mind to want to try it that way 👽
The fact that being born is not a choice is so depressing
I actually feel that my spirit asked our Creator to be here…for some reason this always makes me feel better lol
what if the fact that were here is the evidence that we chose to be born. but chose to be born without the memory of having chosen. as a way of getting completely lost and involved in whatever kind of life the species they are plays. and if that life ends up being full of suffering and misery thats okay because this is infinite. maybe next time around it'll be a good show
@@saulverastegui9147 i don't wanna play this loop life game then dawg I just like i wanna delete my existence from every the beginning no me in heaven no me with god signing a contract to play this stupid game called life thats what I want😭😭
Exist*
@@Breakdownwithmeathat's just cope ngl, cant believe i used to think like that
I'd be curious to see a poll about how much of the world's population would honestly prefer not to exist.
People with traumas and everyone else who are broken mentally, physically or/and emotionally
One point for yes
I'm out
@@Brousey A lot my friend, including me.
I think my main issue with that question is that people's answer to this question will change depending on where they are in life I think people who would prefer to not exist can get to a place where they are glad to exist
I had memory loss from a head injury when I was 15, maybe a week and a half completely erased. Yet, somehow, when my memory returned I was aware that time had passed and could almost feel that my consciousness had taken a rest, it was turned off. I think this is closest I’ll get to not existing, and I’ll admit it was quite peaceful. I felt like my soul had rested somehow.
I had a head injury when I was small, and the rest of the day is still a complete blank to me
It makes you wonder how much of you is based on genetic information
Where does the mind begin, and the brain end?
It's not that you don't want to exist. It's that you're burnt out.
same for me during the OP when they removed my wisdom teeth. it was such a feeling of relief to not have any feelings, emotions, thoughts... and then i woke up.
A big issue for me is, I never asked to be born.
I never wanted to be born, I never wanted to exist, yet I was thrown into this world, a family with a lot of struggles. But no one can choose their parents.
This is exactly me. I have been saying this for years
@@a.clemonsme too the fact that I was arbitrarily brought to this existence.
maybe you did, you never know. maybe your soul likes drama movies
ruclips.net/video/C2L1tjJF9h4/видео.htmlsi=pJiE7ky0i_Wda_A_
You cant choose to be born. In order to be born you need to exist in the first place. Choosing to exist is a paradox. the Potency of your existence was Actualised and you are not the actualiser.
"I don't want to die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all."
Freddie Mercury
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters…
"To bear children into this world is like carrying wood to a burning house."
-Peter Wessel Zapffe
Much agreed.
depends on the genetics received.
@@OnlyTruth_All current genetics are flawed. All end in death.
Search "Universe 25 Experiment" mimics our society right now, and it's frightening.
The house was originally built with wood.
I'm suicidal, but I also fantasize about never having existed at all. Thank you for making this video.
same 😭
Fredo I’m there with u…
Don't be suicidal, be furious, when you force a man to live his life in his own personal Hell, you shouldn't be surprised if he elects to become The Devil. For you to die of sheer despair is what they want, don't give it to them so easily, if you're gonna punch your own ticket, take a piece of the world with you, and make them regret it. Winning is not an option, but we can make damn sure they know our misery.
@@involuntaryanalysisThat sounds worse than just ending you're life.
@@involuntaryanalysis This is literally school shooter ideology disguised as a chadbro self-help motto. You're even worse off than we are.
We go to the void and come from it. Desire to not exist is just nostalgia.
That is a great insight.
yeah interesting maybe we want to the void so we can drift, and be spit out again
I often have the desire to sleep because then you have the feeling of not existing or no active thinking which is pleasing.
If death is just endless sleep…I’m cool with that.
When i sleep. Im awake at the same time. I can think even while in a dream and ots like being awake and sleep
I often sleep too much because of this 😬
@@MsHalfrican420me too. No guilt. Oh but the pleasure of a well earned nap! ✨⭐🌠
How can you 'feel' anything while sleeping? I mean consciously. You can obviously feel fear in a nightmare but that's not conscious.
Sleep is one of my favorite things to do. Since I don't sleep well, I end up lying in the dark for hours worrying about the past the present and future
"And I declared that the dead,
who had already died,
are happier than the living,
who are still alive.
But better than both
is the one who has never been born,
who has not seen the evil
that is done under the sun."
-Bible
which chapter and verse is this from this quote is deep asf
@@buzzdoesnotbuzz3330 Ecclesiastes 4:2-3, with this specifically being from the New International Version
Thats deep mate.
Seems the ancient folk experienced this feeling too.
truth is Christ came down to Earth to tell ppl that making babies is a huge sin but ppl distorted his words for the benefit of the evil one
@@venepskeuten9206
Jesus, I really do need to read the Bible. Theres alot of good stuff in there
I have never found a reason for “not wanting to exist”. Even when I’m happy, I still wish I didn’t exist. I don’t want to die, that would be the end of my life. I just simply wish to not have been born.
i agree. the worst part is that we didn't decide to be born. i never have wanted to exist. it sucks
I lost my 13-year-old daughter to suicide six months ago. As a form of self-therapy and means to try and help other people, I've been creating videos in which I explore nature and narrate my journey with grief. Content like this is also tremendously helpful. Thank you for taking the time to share this with the world.
I hope you get enough sleep
Im sorry for your loss. As a stranger, words come and go with no weight behind them, and i can never comprehend the pain you are going through but if it helps i hope you can find someday something that gives meaning to your grief.
God bless you, your daughter and any around you. May love be with you and I pray for you. A hug from a stranger may not mean much but know that you are surrounded by hugs and that you are never alone. Hugs
@@shadowtrickster5117 Kind words go a long way in a cold world. Hugging you back.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I've been having these thoughts a lot lately, so it's interesting to see aperture, my favorite channel, talk about this concept of not wanting to exist. It makes me feel better and worse at the same time, reading the comments. Better because I'm not alone but worse because so many of us are in this thought process.
I just got finished reading "Seneca How to Die"....
You truly can't live until you have died...
Once you no longer fear death, you can truly live a full life...
The pain comes from attachment...
Learn to detach from everything in order to truly experience everything...
Suggest reading ead "Meditations from Marcus Aurelius" the Gregory Hayes edition....
It will change your whole outlook in life for the better....
@@loveme77527will it really tho????.... Don't you think all those young guns running around holding People up, smashing and grabbing, being most reckless, playing God with random lives at will without a care in the world being wild are living their lives truly free without fear or worries of losing their freedoms to death or prisons... Are they or will they truly be free???? Maybe they might feel like they're living out GTA IRL enjoy the wild adventures in the moment... But are they really happy???? Maybe happier than most as long as they're able to shut off their care for others and get their rage out.... But is it really worth it???? Is that true freedom???? Maybe... It can be bliss to live in selfish ignorance for most I don't really know what's even true anymore when it comes to how so much or this life doesn't seem to really have much meaning anymore than it didn't seem to have much before when I find myself thinking back about all the things that once had some meaning, but ended up having no meaning all once being forced to take so many redpills to the realities of life dealing with far too much BS. It's as if maybe you're right... The fomo is like yolo... Life is just a twisted simulation game... Maybe the outlaws are free in many ways... Free to not a give a single F about anybody or anything else other than what they feel like... And the rest can just all take a permanent dirt nap or something 😒
I don't really know... But too much of that or any of it all seems very wrong tho... 🤔
I think you've got it wrong there...but at the same time it seems you also got it right 🤦
It feels a whole lot better to just never had to ever exist at all in the first place. There seems to be no real meaning other than whatever we give it...life is just complicated 😓
@@loveme77527 oh wow thank you! I will definitely read those :)
@@neonlights42
I suggest reading MEDITATIONS first...🙏
@@loveme77527 just ordered it on Amazon:)
Someone once told me this: 'When you sleep, you are not always guaranteed to wake up.'
This effected me.
I may think similar to what I thought back before I was disclosed to this statement, but I try to live my life to the fullest.
I have (or used to have) an ideology for ceasing to exist.
Sleep is often considered an escape. People like Shakespeare wrote Macbeth in 1606, and one of the best quotes is 'Macbeth hath murther sleep' (Macbeth has murdered sleep), which in context means that Macbeth has lost _his_ own escape from reality.
If we 'murder' our sleep, we are stressed, and need help.
Stress can have physical symptoms, and can be a large cause of anxiety and/or depression.
If you read this far, thanks for reading my rant.
It's greatly appreciated.
I enjoy learning about the human mind.
There was a few years in my childhood where I was genuinely mad at my mom for giving birth to me in our broken family, poverty stricken life, but I got over it eventually.
Me too. Perhaps I’m not alone in this way of thinking.
How ?…
@@BrandonnPhm2140 Given enough time. And you just get used to it
I have no loved ones left,they're already dead. I can literally disappear and not be missed.
Why is childhood such a magical time and adulthood so difficult and lonely
Existing is Exhausting.
the depressed people speedrunning to the comment section:
Love you guys ❤️
We are in this together🔥✊
ADHD'rs as well
@@FuzzyWCTXthis
Facts
"I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to." - Donnie Darko
I’m too compassionate to bring another life into this world. I work, struggle, and endure for a living; doesn’t mean I have to bring a new life to do the same.
Exactly 💯 💯
You got that right
Same. What I really "like" is when delusional people try to put you down by saying it's just Darwinism, etc. As if they won something by reproducing. They don't understand they just perpetuate the cycle of misery. But hey, let them feel "strong" and "successful", in the end it doesn't matter. One gamma ray burst from nearby supernova or a supervolcano eruption may end it all any day.
I agree, I'll never give birth🤝🏾
Same here
existence is kinda cruel imo as a human anyway. you’re just born into a vast universe you’ll never understand, without your consent. your mind is capable of asking the most wonderful questions, yet every time you understand something the universe goes all zeno’s paradox of the dichotomy on you.
if i could take back my existence i would without a first thought.
i mean so much wonder and beauty is scattered across mind boggling distances or locked in a different time. there’s things we can never know. ever.
we can never watch the universe begin, see how it ends. know every galaxy, every star, every planet.
we cant even know everything about us. each person is infinitely complex, and it’s impossible to know them all.
I like sleeping because when im in sleep i don't feel any kind of emotions at all, if death is like going to sleep i would love to close my eyes and never wake up
The worst part about life is its not consensual
Ur forced into life and then forced to live by the rules of others with no freedom to do what you want unrestricted
Other people created you
Other people rule you
Sometimes I wish I could just take a break from life just rip my soul from my body or just teleport somewhere else
Constantly questioning why this place
I ask why we exist but we never asked to exist we were forced to exist by our parents who created us
They never asked if we wanted to exist they also can’t ask either but if we made the choice to not exist why is that seen as bad
We’re forced to live literally and by also not being allowed to die
You created me without my consent but I can’t die without yours
Why do you have say in my existence and whether or not I can or can’t end it
Why are we forced to live and why is it seen as bad to want to end a life you never wanted
It’s my life not yours but the truth is it isn’t my life cuz my life exists because of somebody else
Whatever pain death would bring others is forced they wouldn’t even feel pain if they or I or both never existed
Especially when people have kids on accident
You didn’t plan and or want kids and now they are forced to not only live but also live with the fact they basically never were supposed to exist
Life quite literally isn’t fair
But at least death is
Fair Input on consent of existence
Astral projection
Life truly is an unintentional burden.
I agree so much with this bro
This is why I've adopted a personal policy of lightly restrained hostility. I'm only ever angry or apathetic.
"The bad thing about my life is that it was someone else's idea."
Life is like a gift that someone else gives you..
But you don't have to accept the gift
@@igot5onit423 but you are forced to accept the gift.
i’m 13. i’ve struggled with reality/awareness since i was little, i used to have nightmares abt dying then cry to my mom abt how i didnt wanna die when i was 4. I often have panic attacks because i’ll be hit by a wave of awareness. Im thinking about death right now but im not crying and struggling to breath, but it just randomly comes to me and hits me with a hugeee wave of awareness. I hate it. i’ve tried to km$ multiple times, and have always struggled with my mental health, its gotten better the past year but the feeling of awareness never seemed to pass over or go away. idk what im expecting when writing this, i’ve js never told anyone.
real
this channel has been a catalyst to my internal growth and overall depth of my thoughts. amazing channel ❤
Unironically this video made me feel like I was in another world. A world where I didn’t exist. Only now making me question myself even more
honestly I don't even like sleeping anymore because I know I'll wake up and I have no idea whether or not I'll feel more miserable and tired than the time I fell asleep or feel somewhat better
hi I feel same. Its more related to the fact that I not able to control my bad habits.
@@tarunkumargola7633You can get help my dude. It's not easy admitting that you need help but you've managed to that much so why not take the next step? What are you waiting for? You know that you'll be happier if you can fix the things you don't like about yourself. Life is too short to be miserable.
Im not suicidal but im not afraid of dying tbh... ofc my body will fight to live but mind is just leaving it up to faith 🤷♀️
I thought about not existing alot in my late teens. So much pressure after highschool and feeling aimless, unsure why I was even here.
Now im in my mid 20s and am starting to feel purpose. I have things I look forward to and realize there's so much cool stuff in the world that im glad im here to witness and be a part of.
So the weight of your own existence doesn’t crush you?
@@ShafquatAhmed-sl3xk why would it if you just got a helping hand
I love my family but I don't like the life.... everything around me.always trying to be calm,to find happiness yet failing every single time.
Sometimes i feel guilty for feeling such way, when there are people out there facing worse problems. People who in fact have no choice, their desire to live is as big as my desire to cease
Literally how im feeling.. I think such awful thoughts but this guilt eats me up everyday time because there are people with worse situations
Note, i do not claim this as my own But i feel like its the best description i have ever seen
The best analogy i have is that life is like an amusement park, there are moments of enjoyement but for the most part its just waiting around trying to stay distracted until the short few fun parts, its not that its unbearable, but i would rather just not be here, its just not worth it, but since im already here, and the people im with dont want to leave, then i guess ill just hang out until im allowed to go 🤷♂️
I don't like afterlifes either, heaven or hell. You are still experiencing something which means you still exists. I'd rather stay empty, unconscious and beyond the concept of nothing after I finally die.
I'm coming at this from a whole different perspective; the knowing that I am an eternal spiritual being, that contemplates not being. When one tries to frame the scope of everything that goes along with eternity, one starts to contemplate the rest that would come with the flat silence of non-existence... an eternal rest, an unawareness of ALL things, a true peace from the unceasing ebb and flow.
I wish I didn't exist every single day.
I wish I didn't exist. I feel that all traces of me simply vanishing would improve a lot of people's lives.
I look forward to 150y into the future. By then I'll be long gone and all those who knew me or even crossed my path will be gone too. All that will be left of me is some records in a computer.
Sometimes, when I hurt someone or argue with my sibling and parents, I wish I didn’t exist, so that these situations would never happen.
wish i had never been born to hurt them.
Aperture, this really hits for me I often wonder if my parents stop at 4 children instead of having 12 children like they did me and my youngest brother experience much grief in our lives from family members dying and mental problems and so much sorrow it has not been easy for all of our family members so this wishing I never exist has crossed my mind but since I was born I did not want to die for the sake of my younger sister and youngest brother
often times that what cause me to hang in there with all the tragic and losses in my world
but at age 66 I must admit I do enjoy life finally I somehow enjoy life even after all my loses
and the pain from family members dying so maybe life just get more enjoyable knowing life is most likely not going to go on forever who knows why I love life but I do plus I really enjoy the tech stuff that been created that is very great and I just love how the younger generation makes the best videos to watch thank you for your videos.
Tomorrow will be better if not I’ll say it again
eu sempre senti esse alívio de fechar os olhos e perder a minha consciência, de simplesmente sentir apenas o nada, sem memórias, sem agonias, e sem a vontade de morrer, eu só queria dormir e não pensar sobre acordar. até que isso foi gradualmente mudando, como se essa parte de mim que é corroída estivesse se adaptando e invadindo esse limbo pacífico com pesadelos cruéis e com uma representação grotesca e crua dos meus medos e traumas. sangue, carne, mentiras, mortes, traição. até falar sobre esses sonhos me faz sentir como se eu tivesse me entregado á loucura. eu lentamente comecei a ter medo de dormir, e fui me privando do sono até não aguentar mais, e acabar tendo outro pesadelo horrível. hoje eu não posso dizer que me acostumei, mas acabei criando uma "resistência" a tudo isso. não consigo dormir normalmente, mas quando sei que não vou aguentar mais ficar acordado, eu sei que vai ter outro pesadelo me esperando, e não importa pra quem eu fale, eu sempre vou só ser um louco paranóico. não tem escapatória. eu não posso morrer, mas não posso escolher parar de sentir dor, e isso é só muito injusto. eu não tive escolha quando me fizeram passar por todas as coisas que por algum motivo minha memória não se lembra (da maioria, não de tudo, infelizmente) mas meu corpo e coração diariamente gemem de agonia com todas essas feridas abertas.
A few days ago I had a dream where all my family members were there even my dog who passed away 4 months ago. It was a beautiful dream, there was this gorgeous sunset and I played card games with my grandparents...they told me that they were proud of me, of what I've done with my life. I woke up crying really bad and for a moment in that dream I thought I died and went to heaven. The thing is...im an atheist
When I was in my worst depression spiral there was a constant conflict inside me between the desire to die and the desire to simply stop existing, but without the baggage of death. Depression can show itself as excessive sleeping and I definitely exhibited that symptom, I think the amount of time I spent sleeping was simply due to it being as close as I could get to that non-existence. Now though, I'm at least at a point where I can find enough in life to no longer want death (and i think, perhaps, to even be opposed to it, which is oddly novel for me), but I cannot say that I've lost that desire for nonexistence, at least not in it's entirety.
I won't lie ,sometimes I feel like a spare wheel in this world,as if I'm there but I'm not needed ,and even if I died there wouldn't be any differences,infact things would be alot better ,I'm not depressed or anything,its just that sometimes the thought is all there as ,I love seeing the people I love happy ,but I cannot help but feel like a liability,I contribute nothing,Im just there,go to school ,graduate ,get a job,find a partner if Im ever gonna get one since theres no connection with anyone,I don't know ,I feel so disconnected from the world and how it operation,theres no purpose ,no path ,no destiny,Theres many things I'm talented in that I wanna do ,but a huge part of me say“Whats the point ”,what I truly treasure is my family though,got times with them I won't forget,my only desire is to know that their happy and well all the time,even if Im not around,but other than that ,there's no regret whatsoever,Im at peace with my life ,and I feel like the journey is complete for me ,whats scares me is I'm only 19 and I feel like this ,but I don't know we'll see what happens after,I won't kill myself though ,never resort to that no matter what ,maybe life will surprise us with something more meaningfull oneday,just remember there's no therapy that can help you ,the key is in your hand,find the door to your desires
why not try getting better at things that you aren't good at. Like for example I'm not good at making friends, but I still try talking to people at school though I am still younger than you by 6 years maybe it's just naivety
I've felt this way on and off. As a sci-fi fan I've sometimes wondered why deep interstellar space exploration has such an immense pull. Travelling in an environment that is more lethal than anything on earth with no chance of returning, eventual loss of communication with Earth and minimal chance of reaching the intended destination alive.
Yet, given the chance of going on a one way trip to oblivion I'd jump at the chance.
It's not even death that is the main attraction but just the process of disappearing into nothingness, totally disconnected from everything and everyone and returning to the state of insignificance to the universe from where we all originated.
I feel you. Even going to space with a suit not attached and knowing I will die because of no oxygen after some time.
man, i just wanna experience the black holes
It was not my choice to be born!
Idiot narcissist parents. That had no intent on guiding or raising me 😢
but for whatever the reason we do have a choice to simply check out. am seriously trying to figure this out, why that is.
we can checkout anytime we like and we can always leave.
I sleep 10-12 hours a day. I enjoy life by doing imagination and dreaming. I have no goals to chase. But I’m neither unhappy nor happy.
"I never asked to be born"
Why! Maybe the desire to not exist is the only sane position.
As someone who’s autistic I heavily relate to the part about overstimulation and feeling like your performing 7:15
I just had a really bad overstim moment today.
Episodes like that make it so hard to like my body and the experiences it manifests by being in said body.
I feel like I’m in a game where i don’t want to continue playing anymore.
More like what even point of playing ( enduring suffering) in this meaningless game
I relate to this so much! It feels like I’ve reached the “endless summer” mode where I completed the story mode and now I’m just running around in the open world with nothing else to accomplish that’s meaningful to the plot
Thank you for talking about this ❤
I was in a car crash that almost killed me this year. Up until this point in my life I had never really given much thought about what comes after death. Since my car crash though, it made me truly come to the realization that there is very likely nothing after death, which terrifies me. This immense fear has had such a hold on me this year that I have felt paralyzed. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to not have existed than to exist at all.
Interesting that it terrifies you. To me, that sounds like paradise. Nothingness, ahh so close yet so far. Assuming of course that death is nothing.
It is better
I feel the same way
If u don't.mind,how old are you?
Since ppl can die at any time.Everyone should think about what happens after death.
I find it absolutely hilarious how we believe how special we think we are, yet reality is: we are nothing. Sounds obvious enough, but when you look at the concept of 'the afterlife' and deities in religion, you can see this clear as day. It is only a false concept invented for control of the masses, to justify a war or to deter them from what they really want within themselves. The afterlife is such one thing: die, repent all sins, and you'll be good to go spending eternity in a heavenly garden with all you could want. That sounds incredibly boring when factoring in human nature.
Deities are another thing: omnipotent, supposedly-all-knowing beings beyond space and time that created us specifically for.... what, exactly? Merely a concept meant to quell fears of the unknown, the depressive thoughts that our lives do not matter in the long run.
Have everyone else has experienced the feeling of not existing ??? Like there's a feeling .
I’m not completely sure if you really exist either but it makes me feel better to believe that goddesses like you are really out there somewhere
I'd imagine it's similar to going under anesthesia. It was as if I didn't exist, no dreams, I just was no longer present. I want to go back.
so me going to bed every night because it's been about two years since i've had a dream .I go to sleep and just wake up like snap@@involuntaryanalysis
existin is pain.
Nerd
And Love
@@VincentmaybehumanDid you miss the fact that it's okay and even hot now to be a nerd?
@@Vincentmaybehumanunderstanding and slight sympathy seems to he something you do not have
@@gooberius it was a joke dawg💀
I’m at work and I’ve never saved something to my watch later for when I get home so quickly than this video I am so excited.
"Sleep is just death being shy"
That's why I love this channel so much. ❤
Life is the gift that no one asked for but everyone got. It's like when someone buys you a smoothie machine or some other random shit you'll never even open, but you have to pretend it's what you always wanted. "Oh I'll use this EVERY DAY! Thank you so much for this gift!" *kicks it into a closet*
Sometimes I feel like I am living inside a dream or the life I'm leaving is not real👁️
"In the beginning, when the universe was created....many regarded this as a bad move."
- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
May you explain that quote
" The number 42 represents the meaning of life & the universe."
-Supercomputer "Deep Thought." >
The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
I dont want eternal life or eternal hell, I just want to never exist.
Therapy definitely is/ can be life changing. But only when YOU want help. You cant help someone who doesnt want help.
Well, yeah. But I think it always isn't voluntarily like that. For me it's that I do want help, and know I would need it. But on emotional/psychological level, I can't really receive it at all. If someone tries to help me (maybe a professional or someone else) I just don't feel anything, it's just conversation where I'm listing the issues to them, that I've become so used to that they don't even feel like anything. And like, I really don't see any way to help myself. No one else can change my life, or change what I'm feeling. Not at this point anyways, maybe years ago it would've been possible.
@CinemaFIN perhaps you aren't talking to the right professional. I've been in and out of therapy and finding the right person for you is trial and error. I've recently been going again after over a decade of giving up. I woke up one day and I had decided I didn't want to suffer anymore, my whole life I'd been convinced by my mother that I wasn't worthy of jackshit and I took that with me for my entire adult life. Went through so much shit because I felt this certain way.
What I'm trying to say is even when it feels like it's not working, take a deeper look. Why are things this way? Why am I feeling this way? What could be causing this to cause this to make me feel this way? And what can I do to make it better? I'm sorry for this super long rant. If you want to send me a message and we can talk I am more than willing to help!
@@Indigowulfchild4 Or perhaps not everyone gets to live a fulfilling happy life no matter how hard they try. Some people will find their solution and others will die searching for it.
@@cfnmediait doesn't matter! At the end of the day or whatever... Most of the time, nobody really cares.. especially if you're a male, nobody cares, and ultimately it's only ourselves that's going to have to be the ones to do anything for ourselves if we can somehow. Nobody can walk through the fire for us but ourselves... In many ways Andrew Tate has it right. The manosphere has it the most right with how things really are. It's sink or swim and nobody really cares but ourselves and those who've been or are going through the same or similar things themselves to understand anything... Everyone else couldn't give a single chits fucen in a ranch Doritos bag or not even anything at all about us and our struggles. 💯💊😓
can you explain how therapy helps? I'm considering going to therapy because i can't take it anymore.. i have tried main stream trends like affirmations, positive thinking ect but i think there's some core belief stuffs i need to look at.. yesterday i tried to analyze myself and felt physically weak and sick..
There was this one time when I fell asleep I had a dream that I don't remember anything about at all but when I woke up I had to remember that I existed, like I forgot while I was asleep.
This video basically summed up my recent mindset
This channel don’t ever miss 👏
I was literally just thinking about this very topic right now. Are you stalking my shower thoughts?
I often think about the impacts my family would have to face if I were to commit suicide, the neighbors would talk, my family would lose face, they would have to physically and financially deal with my corpse, it would leave behind a traumatic experience, all the money they've invested in me would go to waste, etc, etc. That's why flirting with the desire to not exist at all in the first place is so appealing to me.
This is the same reason why I struggle to keep living... The cup of coffee that I have to keep choosing every single day
i never asked to be brought to this cruel existence. i have not been doing great in life, never had a good time only would have to fool myself and escape to fantasy worlds in my childhood so i wouldnt have to face the fact i was being abused under a mother who weaponizes suicide or threaten people with objects or knifes, weaponize words. and after all that the world never cared, the cops knew this but didnt exactly help. everyone knew and turned a blind eye and now im expected to function like a normal person. id rather rot after everything i remember. no one in my life knows how bad i have it for i dont like to burden others, everytime i try i ruin and distance my friends anyway so whats the point when opening up only destroys things i hold dear?
only sharing my thoughts to strangers online because this is never seen, itll be ignored or missed in the sea of many others who share their struggles.
there were days where I wish i was never even born in the first place. A couple of times i even told my mom when i was younger somewhere around 12 or 13 and i said to her why did you birth me i did not want to be born i did not want to exist at all i wish there was some way i can just be deleted leave nothing behind even my very soul to not exist at all there are times i thought physical deleting myself would help but then i thought about it some more and changed my mind because that would not work then i would still be in soul the very fact that i can't erase anything of myself is the worst
My mother somehow tried to murder me as an infant, somehow I survived and went with my dad, then not two years later my stepmother tried to kill me by pushing me out of a moving car, I survived again.... Many times throughout my "life" I should have been dead about 20 times over. It sucks because I shouldn't be alive and I am miserable every moment.
We can think of it as if sleeping exist because existing is so stressful to us, therefore we need a break from it, a reset
Like idk i just want to disappear , cease from existing and just vanish into figments of air living is so exhausting
Who are sleeping to avoid this weird world.
If only at 60 I find myself auditing memories every night. Depressing 😢
I used to have this a lot, especially when I was suicidal
I can't even imagine the feeling anymore, but the explanation is on point
It's the most intense feeling of tiredness to ever exist, and to me it came paired with already feeling detached, as well
I was trapped inside, and everything just happened around me, like I was watching through a film. Not mad at anyone or anything for causing my distress, but just dreading how much I want to jump off a building thinking of how much more I have to do in my tired state.
I never really escaped that. If things got worse, it could really come back. I just learned to detach my physical self from certain situations and, well, some aren't that easy. I'm glad there's an understanding of this phenomenon, honestly. Anxiety fkn sucks and there's not much you can do about it. The best thing that ever happened to me while feeling like that, was someone who looked past the situations and just wanted to play a game of chess and chat about tactics, and I also forget that I can be that friend.
As long as I'm sleeping its the best time of my life . Last 4-5 years have been the toughest of my life I'm waiting for redemption
Still as long as my parents are alive I wont ever try to leave the world forcefully by myself
Same here. I dont want to cause more suffering by my absence
same i couldn’t do that
When your only reason for living is your parents guilt-tripping you into extending your misery by another day, that's not living at all.
I'll say this, I was able to find solace in nihilism when I was 13, and for a while I've been in a sort of funk. I just broke up with my girlfriend, I'm homeless and life just doesn't seem to wanna go my way-
But that's why I am an optimistic nihilist in the first place- Because nothing matters, does it? All that matters is the fact we have been able to experience life, all of it, the good, the bad & the ugly... But through it all- What's the point in laying down to die? After all, this is only the worst day of your life 'so far'. There will be worse days, and there will be better ones, all we can do is prepare for the future by soaking up as much quality time as we can with those we care about, and those who truly do care about us
So thank you, Aperture, for helping me out of my blindness once more, I feel at peace, so thank you
I was unconscious before I was born. I am conscious now that I am alive. I will be unconscious again after I die. Implying I could be born again and become conscious again as something else some other time some other place. The mind and body die after death, but the soul returns to the same state it was before you were alive. We are dead before we are born. The ego dies, the soul sleeps.
Death scares me. Disappearance does not. I wish to completely disappear from the world, lose my memories and leave my current life to start anew or perhaps just cease to have existed. But suicide was never something I could do, I realize now I don't want to die, but not exist anymore.
Everytime my family ask for money and I don't have enough to make them satisfied, I feel like this
I feel that too.
Money should not exist..
It's ok. I hope your family somehow understands your struggle.
Thank God I'm not alone.😢
How ironic, they bring you here on earth just to make you their mule
People don't want to stop existing, they want a peaceful and happy, good life, but since they have no ways to get it the only option is left - not existing
I remember when I first felt this way about life, and I still do. I first had this feeling when I was 10 and not having being born would be good.
I had think of this and it can be very depressing.
Honestly I’ve been feeling like this recently, same thing day in day out going to work and coming home to either smoke or drink until I pass out and repeat the next day. Sometimes there’s good days but for the most part it’s the same monotone bland events. I know I have some people who care but do they reach out often? Not until I make it explicit that something’s wrong. Idk I guess things will get better I’m only 21 after all but then again things can always get worse
Nah u not alone my dude I feel the same way everyday
I have people who I presume care about me, but I don't really feel cared for. It's an irrational feeling, and I know I'm wrong, but nothing seems to change my perspective for the better, only the worse. And even if I do have people who care about me, I've built zero true connections with anyone in my life that if I did die, I feel like it wouldn't impact their life in any significant way or at all. My mother would continue on like any other day since she already barely interacts with me. I wonder if she would come to that realization, too. That "My son is dead, yet nothing changed. It's like it was when he was alive." Something like that, I guess. If I lived alone, I literally would go weeks without talking to anyone.
There are instances of over going lifelong painstaking foundings of answers and solutions for oneself personal problems, though at that point you may barely have a meaning and a striving to live.
I am currently going through times and everyday I wish to die. I am finding myself useless, a person who will be forgotten soon enough after I die, still trying to find a way to die and escape this cruel world forever.
After reading so much comments, I decided to write this.
For everyone out there, Buddhism is the only religion that teaches people how to never be born, it's incredibly hard, but achievable. I'm not telling you to embrace buddhism, I'm just telling y'all to look at it like a philosophy. I don't want to be that person who promote his religion everywhere he goes, but when I see these people in the comments who desperately want to not exist, I couldn't keep myself from saying this. Go and learn buddhism, forget everything that you think you know.
Thank you for your advice
Bhudism when researching religions made the most sense except that bit about not eating meat.
I think the philosophy you are trying to mention here is antinatalism, because Buddhism is a religion.
This sentence is false, and so are the sentences after this one.
You will die tomorrow.
You are awesome.
You have friends.
You are the center of the universe and everything in it.
You are the best person ever to exist.
Make what you will of this information
I may be neurodivergent, have depression and ADD but I dont want it treated. I feel like this is me. The me I am supposed to be. Do I wish I didn't exist? Of course. Do I wanna end it all? Yea. I'm I happy I'm still here for my friend and my GF? HELL YEAH. I belong somewhere and even if I barely belive I'm gonna stay here until one of 'em decides to off themselves. I may wish I never existed but I'm so happy I still do. I sleep so I can pretend what its like if I didn't exist. Night terrors and nightmares are just the ads. But when I wake up I know I still have people to talk to. And I still have about 60 years to suffer, yippee.
As someone who has always struggled a lot with trauma and mental illness- often severely depressed- optimistic nihilism has been life changing. I still struggle a lot, but it has helped me find a way to organize my thoughts and take things with less a burden. I'm not thinking about everything in existence anymore, because it doesn't matter. And I can thank channel's like Apeture and Sage's Rain for truly enlightening me to a way I can digest the the world without the anxiety of existence.
Can thankfully say I've never experienced this wish to not exist
Unfortunately, you have to exist in order to wish that you didn't.
Well dah!
Im feeling this and i can't afford proffesional help or any help at all. The only thing i can do is self heal and i think in 10 ill be slightly better because im seing progress in me or maybe not (im starting to see human-girl like figures approaching me)
Who else watched this video at 3 am?
I understand what you mean, in the middle of watching the news and the crimes that are happening in Palestine , I feel helpless and unable to help them now. I really want to not exist, to disappear, my conscience scolds me, I do not know what to do to help them, and I see an entire people being wiped out. I cannot do anything but pray...the feeling of helplessness is really very bad.🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸
Existence is painful
Sometimes I imagine I never existed at all How comfortable would that be?
No one knows me, sees me or remembers me
I'm nothing at all
I'm not here
I am nothing
But unfortunately I'm here now
I will suffer forever even when I die.