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How to react to your child's attention-seeking behavior | Michal Dalyot | TEDxBeitBerlCollege

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  • Опубликовано: 23 окт 2023
  • When trying to understand your kids, stop asking "why they behave like that" and understand what their goals and intentions are. This will enable you to help them and to improve your relations. Michal Dalyot is a highly experienced advisor and trainer in the field of parenting, family relations, and childhood education in the 21st century. Michal heads the Michal Dalyot Center and is the Academic Director of the Center’s training and certification program for parental coaches and family counselors in Israel.
    Michal is a teacher, a coach, and a trainer in relationships. She has been a member of the Board of Directors at the Adler Institute, in addition to serving as an instructor and coach at this renowned institute. In 2006, Michal was chosen to star in the Israeli version of Supernanny. Throughout the eight consecutive seasons of the show, she guided and supported numerous parents who were struggling to raise and educate their children in an optimal manner.
    Michal hosts a weekly call-in talk show on Radio 103fm (Israel) since 2008. She is a writer of three instruction books for parents and six children's books, all are best sellers. Michal Dalyot has been asked to speak on parenting in the 21st century at numerous engagements and events across Israel and around the globe. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Комментарии • 31

  • @austinriccobono898
    @austinriccobono898 9 месяцев назад +31

    To sum it up, Rewards good behavior rather than punish bad behavior and give your children time to blow their steam.

    • @ui264
      @ui264 9 месяцев назад +1

      WOW. REVOLUTIONARY.
      Now I'm interested in advice that'll actually help me with my specific problem.
      'Outlets' don't help when the attention-seeking is greater than the outlets.

    • @nhanthanh303
      @nhanthanh303 9 месяцев назад

      @@ui264 true

  • @aresrabe3315
    @aresrabe3315 9 месяцев назад +7

    Incredibly insightful. Looking directly at the need that the child is trying to meet allows us to we meet them there with the appropriate response. Silence and physical touch or encouraging words.
    Thank you.

  • @vspatmx7458
    @vspatmx7458 9 месяцев назад +2

    Brilliant.
    takes an experienced woman
    To heal the world.
    And
    Even if u replace the word children, by the word Adults,
    The advise given by the brilliant human being still works

  • @craigmerkey8518
    @craigmerkey8518 9 месяцев назад +2

    Great overview! Negative reinforces can be especially tricky to recognize.

  • @sukhino4475
    @sukhino4475 9 месяцев назад +2

    I am reliving the moments, I had with my grand twins,my daughter. ...beautiful understanding,most important is positive ways...give your undivided attention, it is am investment....assertive attitude ,appreciate always, only parents can be generous ,
    You do not have to apply rules at hone to discipline them..conduct yourself,they watch you,it gets replicated.

  • @HaiNguyenLandNhaTrang
    @HaiNguyenLandNhaTrang 9 месяцев назад +1

    This is truely great speech. Thanks.

  • @nainarabele6409
    @nainarabele6409 9 месяцев назад +2

    We parents wants to have children SO we should look out to them at al times with love🙏❤🙏❤

  • @BSPoK
    @BSPoK 9 месяцев назад

    That was a great talk. I feel like it can apply to adults too lol

  • @elinakolpakova1211
    @elinakolpakova1211 9 месяцев назад +1

    🔥🔥🔥

  • @lindahewitt5681
    @lindahewitt5681 9 месяцев назад

    Seeking attention means they are unseen. SEE THEM! LOVE THEM.

    • @michaldalyot6302
      @michaldalyot6302 9 месяцев назад

      Not always. Seeking attention could mean that they are attention-hooked and it is beacouse of me: I gave them the impertion that I only see them when they make a provocation.

  • @matanyaholmes3964
    @matanyaholmes3964 9 месяцев назад +2

    Finally a useful Ted Talk that dosen't involve "Why we need to start understanding (insert bs here)" by a person you could completely imagine what they looked like before you even clicked the video.

  • @MotifMusicStudios
    @MotifMusicStudios 9 месяцев назад +3

    I am struggling my way through this, because although there are many valid points, I also heard statements like, "fulfill the needs - when they are well behaved." An idea that at its' core seems like a great idea to reinforce positive behaviours.
    However, for some children, the demands of every day life have their regulatory system and sensory systems so "on fire" that unless those underlying needs are met, ignoring their behavioural calls for help until they are behaving may amplify their needs for support and cause distress that may add ignition to their system that is already on fire.
    I may be misunderstanding this presentation, so will listen again, but know that some of these ideas may present problems for children with higher needs and promote ableist view points accidentally.

    • @MotifMusicStudios
      @MotifMusicStudios 9 месяцев назад

      I do appreciate the question about "what for" at the end and that observation of the needs being presented by the behaviour.

    • @KimberleyJP
      @KimberleyJP 9 месяцев назад +1

      Very well said! For many children understanding and meeting their needs, giving attention to positive behaviour and acknowledging them without addressing negative communicating behaviours will not be enough to make meaningful change. A child with a greater need for control and from compliance from their parent does not simply disappear or diminish when their need to attention and autonomy is fulfilled.
      This talk is extremely simplistic and reductive and gives advise that for many parents is simply ineffective. If a child is dysregulated their needs are much more complex then simply needing to be seen and able. However the title of 'attention seeking behaviour' is an indicator that this theory and approach is reductive, because assuming that a child's motivation and therefore need is getting attention, when expressing themselves in problematic ways is reductive in its essence. Many parents do exactly these things, as this is basic level parenting advise, and yet the child's behaviors do not improve.
      If these strategies were indeed effective for all children, life would be much more simple and parenting less complex. However this is simply not reality.
      Sad that these type of strategies are still being presented as a fix to parents seeking more informed and nuanced strategies for complex behaviours.

    • @nhanthanh303
      @nhanthanh303 9 месяцев назад

      @@KimberleyJP good

  • @drumbert
    @drumbert 9 месяцев назад +1

    It made me cry... Thank u!

  • @sherececocco
    @sherececocco 9 месяцев назад

    We can only love others to the extent we love our Self. Connection vs control. People are completely disconnected from themselves 🙃

  • @HobbesNJoe
    @HobbesNJoe 9 месяцев назад +1

    I want those 13:28 minutes of my life back.

  • @bukurie6861
    @bukurie6861 9 месяцев назад

    T🌏hank you❤In this fields must to do most education and It is again so difficult for their life!Maybe we do most to full condition of kids and Don't let to have most dificult things, ..

  • @NedaNaNaiNai
    @NedaNaNaiNai 9 месяцев назад

    Sometimes it’s too late. Sometimes the strategy is wrong for a lifetime. Some children are burnt to pieces. Some children have their siblings burnt to pieces as a result of a gen*cide and have no parents to “compliment” their heroism.

  • @dalefaulkiner3910
    @dalefaulkiner3910 9 месяцев назад

    That's how it was any time i talked to my all she did was get angery with me

  • @kendallstark4302
    @kendallstark4302 9 месяцев назад +1

    Does this video also apply to teenage students?

    • @imdavidbaby
      @imdavidbaby 9 месяцев назад

      Yes but teens are worse, think about your self in HS ur emotions are all over the place, and all u care about is friends & a relationship other then listening to adults tell you to shut up and follow orders & just be a cog in the machine

    • @kendallstark4302
      @kendallstark4302 9 месяцев назад

      ​@@imdavidbabyWell, let me explain my situation: I live in Spain, and I teach English in a small academy. The level is upper-intermediate, and all of them except one, use English to communicate in the class. This kid (15-16 y.o.) never answers in English; plus, he has an incredibly arrogant air about him.

    • @michaldalyot6302
      @michaldalyot6302 9 месяцев назад

      Yes. Althougy teenagers aim it mostly towerds thire frinds

  • @evelyndenoyo1302
    @evelyndenoyo1302 9 месяцев назад

    alright

  • @penhullwolf5070
    @penhullwolf5070 9 месяцев назад +2

    Anybody else feel like they were watching a scene from Roald Dahl's The Witches that didn't make the final cut?