You know this is where life is strange. We always want to make the futur better for us so when we hear stories like this we try to think of a way to stop those things(and I think we should never stop). But at the same time we shoulnt complain because we are here because of our ancesters mistakes. But at the same time our ancesters would be mad at us for not correcting those mistakes. Sorry hard to understand english is not my language.
@@wayne9287 no, the ancestors who made those mistakes made criminals who were incarcerated and is incarcerated and killed today ………. Fatherless children lead to criminals
I’m adopted. There is a huge difference between relatives and family. You can be related to a LOT of people, but family is who you love and who loves you. ❤️ I hope the caller can soon find a way to get through this bombshell with a good outcome.
This young man is acting so mature. He's acting in a way that can mend fences, even though he's still in shock. I hope the remaining parents in his life give him the healing and security he deserves. He is a gem for caring for others in similar situations during this time of new trauma for him. God bless him.
I dont mean to be off topic but does someone know of a trick to get back into an Instagram account..? I somehow lost the account password. I would appreciate any assistance you can offer me
i agree. and sorry but this is one time i think John is - putting fuel on the fire. its not THAT outrageous - his real dad was mentally ill....things happen. his going on and on about the lies...just not useful...imo....people made mistakes, and also - so much worse out there tbh. thats my 2c
I wish more people could understand what it feels like to find this information out! People say, "It doesn't change anything". YES IT DOES! It changes everything! It's grief like you can't imagine. It's finding out that you have lived a lie your entire life! It's devastating!
Yeah like revealing to everyone that moms a lil rachet how living a life of lies. And lies that make you ask, where do the lies end and the truth begin in our life built on them
@@MijoShrek I don’t think my mom was ratchet at all. She made the best decision she could under the circumstances. 🤷♀️ Everyone’s circumstances are different.
Yes, Beth!!! I lived this very experience. My late mother knew the man on my birth certificate was not my natural father. I put my DNA on "Ancestry" to see what was in my genetic makeup. Well, a paternal half-sibling, nieces, and nephew were revealed. I was shocked, numb, confused, hurt, and angry that I had lived a lie. My mother and natural father have been dead for many years now, but I still find it difficult to forgive her. I don't know if my father ever knew about me (he was married to his second wife during my conception and birth), and he died several years before I found out about him. Also, none of his relatives ever heard him speak about having any other children other than the two he had with his first wife and the two he had with his second. Nevertheless, I continue to struggle with my identity. Counseling has helped put things into perspective, but the hurt and anger I feel are still palpable. Stay safe.
I love that Dr. John says "not kinda," about being lied to. He's said it on other interviews too and shows that the first step is not to discount the grievance someone did to you before you can heal from it.
It sounded to me like he had already pretty well come to terms with his situation and found forgiveness and healing, but mainly wanted to call and share his story to hopefully help others not have to go through what he went through. That was very mature and admirable!
Your real dad is the man who loves you, raises you, cares for you. The man who is there when you are sick, the man who tosses a ball with you, who shows up for your big, little, best and worst times. That is your real dad.
I have a surprise half-sister. Met her when I was 38 and she was 60! She is a GIFT to her 11 half-siblings. Nobody is alive to answer the questions but I believe there were people in heaven making this connection happen. ❤️
This happened to me, only my dad that wasn’t my real dad divorced and my mom ended up marrying my real dad who I never knew was my dad. My dad (that wasn’t my dad) sacrificed years picking me up every week for years and drove 3 hours every Friday and 3 hours bringing us home ever Sunday. Took us all over and was a great dad. But so was my Step dad who was also good to me. Took a dna and found out my sister and I were only half sisters. My parents died years and years ago however I still feel bad that my non dad did all this stuff for me and wasn’t even my dad!
Only he should decide how he feels. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. It sounds to me like she did what she thought was in his best interest. Maybe she was wrong and he’s hurt but I don’t think it was her intention to hurt him.
@@primabellas6856 Listening to stories like this and then reading comments like yours completely devoid of personal responsibility or shame Remind us bachelors to stay bachelors. You trollops are completely irredeemable.
@@chriswalker7895 - Wow! I'm not sure how not wanting this man to lose the only family he has makes me a "trollop" (whatever that is), but you don't know me so I have to assume that maybe you just have issues. Good day, sir.
@@primabellas6856 The only person who suggested he might hurt the family was the mother who was trying to turn the blame on him so as to not deal with the shame of what she did. He was never in danger of losing any family. He was just trying to gain the family she stole from him with her lies. Also you still avoided taking personal responsibility and applying shame to the situation. It's funny that you can see How she might have made a mistake and did the best she could. But somehow you can't see how she just as likely was being self centred and did something knowingly stupid she now regrets. Stop being so willing to forgive yourselves when you knowingly do wrong.
I was 12 when I figured out my 14 year old sister was only a half sister. Parents never told her till she was almost 30. On top of everything else, it was one more thing to carry as a child and young adult. Mom-O+, Dad-O+, Sister-A+
@James T Yeah James, while I respect your position, I will say that it's not "god's" decision whether this man is forced to raise a child that isn't his. He gave up his life's goals, dreams and potential future with someone else to raise this child. If "god" gave him the option, and he made that decision, so be it. Most men would tell "god" to kick rocks. And if "god" were responsible, he wouldn't allow this to happen to begin with.
People make stupid mistakes and are embarrassed. They do the best they can after that and do what they think is best for their family. That's what the moms response indicated. How about some grace? This happened 20 years ago.
The argument Dr. John is making about the culture was relevant 40-50 years ago. 21 years ago was 2000; Maury had already been around for years at that point.
@@jeromehenry4484 A woman who goes on Maury that many times either doesn't know who the father is because she slept with a ton of men or is taking a long shot of someone being the father that isn't a total loser or deadbeat.
No one knows what her reasons, emotional state or were. She did not have an abortion, she gave her son life. Should she have chosen adoption? But I hope full forgiveness for this young man towards her.
they did a test in australia i think years ago, several thousands men took ancestry DNA, turned out approx 30% were not the fathers and thought they were, it happens so often
One of the best and most beautiful calls yet. This stuff happens and we need to forgive others mistake, so much damage is done to children out of love than out of malice. This man is going to well in life despite finding out something that literally is life altering. There could be a decent man that loved you from a far, and simply made the wrong call/felt he had no control over the situation. He could end up having two dads.
Heck no I don’t want anyone getting my kids DNA. You know they sell if to pharmaceutical companies right? It should be available for people who want it but I’ll keep big daddy government out of my family.
oh my heart reaches out to you young man. I've been a stepfather to a wonderful 15-year-old girl who I have been there since she was two and a half... We had to tell her that yes I was not her biological dad when she was around 9 years old and immediately you know she was mad at confused and but you know she knows that I'm her dad cuz I'm the one who loves her I'm the one who raised her and I'm the one who continues to do that of course... But all as I can say to you young man as I hope you can get through this Don't hate the world and hate everybody at least don't do it forever I have just a broken heart for you
My heart goes out to this guy . Basically turned out my brother had a different dad . The constant lies from both of my parents just hurt me and my siblings beyond belief . Secrets really do destroy families
One of my cousins the 4th child just found she is a half sister to her siblings and her Dad is not her biological father. She took a DNA test. They aren’t telling her aged Dad as he would be so hurt. Their Mother died years ago.
For most of my years I wondered why the man i was told was my father, that I didn't even know or ever met never wanted to be in my life. After a recent DNA test I too found out the real reason he did not want to be in my life. He was not my real father and he apparently knew it. My mother had always treated me as an outcast in my family with the other 4 siblings, all of whom have different fathers but who are known to them. I never felt close to my mother and grew up with a lack of parental nurturing. No parental affection whatsoever. Some of my aunts knew the truth and even tried to hint to me the truth when I was younger. I am now 67 having just taken the DNA test. My mother passed away when I was 41 and never revealed the truth. For months after discovering the truth I felt anger, hurt and frustration mostly towards my mother. The DNA test also reveals many close relatives from my mothers side but only one close relative from whoever my real father might be. so...waiting for contact to hopefully find out who my real father might have been.
thats unfortunate for you, your real father not being involved and your mom treating you as an outcast. I hope you find an evangelical type church and get involved in their groups and classes to find caring, binding people. I can relate, for sure. that scenario can crumble u or make you tough; i chose to b tough, to survive.
How painful for you! I wish you love, peace and healing as you move forward with your life. You deserve so much better than what you got growing up. Hugs to you.
Had a similar experience. We didn't find out that our grandfather was not our biological grandfather until grandma and grandpa passed away. It sucks that we will never know the other side of the family. Oh well gotta keep it moving. I refuse to live in the past. Future still bright
I'm 53 years old and just found out that Dad isn't my Dad. Ancestry DNA showed I had a LOT of first, second, third and fourth cousins that I never heard of. Right now, my parents are still alive but 80 & 79 years old, married for 62 years, I don't even know if I should upset them with this. Having a private conversation with my Mom seems awkward and accusing, and I don't want it to go like that. I've ordered the 23 & me test for further information. It's a shock. I keep wondering if everyone in the family knew, BUT me. I understand now why my dad always favored my sister. I never felt like he liked me, and my bad choices in men have reflected that. This lie shaped how I felt about myself and now I get it. It's some slight reassurance that I don't have repulsive qualities and that he probably couldn't help how he felt. I'm trying to adult my way through this.
@@genxx2724 My early choices (until new husband at age 46) were ALL narcissists or emotionally unavailable (married or long distance). I always seem to pick impossible relationships that left me hurt and worthless. Yuck! Lots of work on that, mostly spiritual awareness has helped me find a keeper. We're not perfect but we're both love centered not self-centered.
@@newbetsy What did you figure out about why you chose them? In what way did you change your thinking? When you met your husband, could you tell he was different, and was it a conscious decision on your part? Was it difficult? I think if someone is commitment-minded, I perceive them as weak and lacking masculinity. It’s very dysfunctional.
@@genxx2724 I used to look at superficial qualities like charm or humor then with my current husband I looked into his heart. Was he truly a good person? Was he close with his family? Did he ask questions about me? I got to know him for three months before even going out with him.
This is why they got rid of doing blood type work in biology class in high school curriculum. About 25% of kids were figuring out their dad was not their dad.
Yeah…that first Punnett square where you can’t get anything but blue eyes from two blue-eyed parents is a tough situation for science departments everywhere.
And other countries too. When it was in the curriculum too many kids were coming home asking tough questions. Shame on mothers for putting their children in this situation- besides being incredibly hurt they have to either continue the secret to not hurt the man they know as the father or unend all.
I really feel for this caller. I hope he can find a support group. This is becoming more and more common. I know multiple people where mom had a secret. Worst was my friend’s father finding out his mother had had an affair with a 17 yr old boy down the street while being married to who he thought was his dad. She tells her son AFTER his bio dad had passed. Sooo many more out there. We live in a time where these secrets will all be revealed. Time to own up to it ladies!!!! Your children deserve the truth about who they are!!
Thank GOD my parents sent a brother or sister along on dates! We were always chaperoned!! We were taught modesty and against adulterous behavior. Today people are casual about sex. I hate that our society has gotten farther away from Judeo Christian teaching! I’m sure that happened, but not on the scale that we see today!
that's not courage, she just waited long enough to where the pain and deceit would be lessened, she stole a large portion of your fathers life and deprived him of biological offspring, your mom is STILL a deceitful piece of sh1t
Yeah, why these wimmen so mad about being hit, beat, choked, rap3d, stealthed, secretly filmed, trafficked, etc when real men are getting their feelings hurt!
A cousin of mine whose parents divorced and remarried asked me some time ago about the family tree. She was having a bit of trouble because, even though she has results listed under AncestryDNA, her half-sister’s results (she did it, too) is not showing among her matches. But her half-sister’s results show up among mine. 2 + 2 = 4. DNA doesn’t lie - people do. I don’t have the heart to tell her. I hope she figured it out.
I have a cousin with two kids. Neither of them look anything like the man she was married to when they were born. But she got divorced and married another man- and I'll be damned if they both don't look exactly like him. They live in a small farm town where the whole bunch hang out at the local watering hole. If they had a paternity test done, I have no doubt in my mind the second husband is the actual father.
You can't force forgiveness. The only time you have truly forgiven is when you don't feel the need for it anymore. He needs to give himself permission to feel all his feeling fully, even the anger and other negative emotions but in a safe healthy environment like at therapy. You could hear the sadness in his voice and him trying to keep it together. He needs to express it all before he goes towards forgiveness, anything else is bypassing.
This is why stoning in the public square became a thing, and still is. Its bad enough that she cheated on dad. But. Then to assume some other man should raise, pay-for and nurture another man’s seed without his consent is an abomination.
This happened to me when I was 18. An older cousin told me and it rocked my world. Looking back 20 years later I realize why my life kinda spiraled out of control. I feel for this guy 🙏🏼
I'm part of a couple support groups for this. I found out through 23andme at 31. It takes time but eventually the products of the affairs move on. The mothers and fathers are a different story. I've seen that it's common for the moms to lose it and completely cut off thier kid to cover thier lies or blame thier children for the lie coming out. It seems to have destroyed more relationships with mothers than the fathers who end up not being biological.
How? I don't know but we must be more mentally stronger than we think. I recently watched a video on the Rwanda massacre and a man lost his mom, wife and 6 of his children. He had to run and hide into the woods for multiple days and it was raining. Since then he said every time it rains it reminds him the massacre.😢
Do the best you can. You can't let the situation get you down. Don't give good energy to the messy situation. There are more things in life that will need your undivided attention.
Yeah that guy (bio dad)is always going to feel like a stranger. I met my bio dad when I was 16 (im 35) and he always lived 400 miles away so I never felt he was my father. He only calls me on Christmas Day and will send his grandsons presents once every 2 years so it really feels so pointless. I went to a family reunion a couple years ago, on his side of the family, and found out the day I got there he was a big alcoholic. My mother said he was an alcoholic during her three year relationship and is why she left when she was pregnant with me. It is so sad he never broke the habit after 39 years. I’m glad he was never in my life and his step kids hate him. I guarantee you this young man was better off without him.
My husband just found a half sister through the same way. His dad still doesn't know he fathered this woman from a 1 night stand. Her mother was never able to contact my father-in-law and she passed off my new Sister-in-law as someone else's daughter. Like the caller, the man she called dad passed away before this secret came out.
Both of my aunts found out their dad was not their dad. Both dads of my aunts have already passed away. As well as my grandma. So sadly they don’t get answers. And that was a 50+ year secret.
I’m adopted and my parents didn’t tell me about it until I was old enough to understand the situation. I really appreciate my adopted father and I couldn’t ask for a better dad. However if I never knew I was adopted I think that would be incredibly wrong.
This too shall pass. I never laid eyes on my father. But I had a wonderful mother. I only want to look into his eyes to see if I look like him but he had passed and Brazil. One day I asked my mom why do I act so different in my brothers and sisters. She then told me the truth, I was heartbroken but I learn to survive and you will Also be able to carry you. Trust in what I say I am 70 years old. God bless you you will survive
What a horrible shock for you. I can't imagine. While it's not the same situation, I was adopted as a baby. I can tell you, your real Dad raised and loved you. The lies from your Mom are horrible. What a betrayal. My heart goes out to you.
This was tough to hear. My friend is in this position. He knows there’s a 50/50 chance his child who’s now 10 may not be his. Although he was told to take a paternity test by friends and family he never did. I told him if she ever finds out she’s going to be devastated and it’s your fault because you should’ve got in front of it right away. This behavior is 100% selfish because he just wanted to be a Dad and is only thinking of himself and his feelings forgetting that one day she’ll be an adult and may never forgive him. Since there’s a chance she could be his why not take the test and if she is you can now breathe easy the rest of your life. Some people really don’t think about the consequences of there actions.
Man, I would hate on the bio father. F’ing my mother, destroying my family, can never be forgiven. Id never speak to him, ever. And mom is a tramp. She would have no contact with my future family and grand children. This is infuriating.
My husband and I had been married fur 13 years when SURPRISE we found out he had a 19 yr old daughter! Apparently her mother had dated my husband (before we met) as well as another guy, when she got pregnant. She told my husband the other guy was the dad and bye! So my husband moved on with his life as this was not a serious relationship. The other guy stuck around for 9 years until they broke up, at which time my “bonus” daughter was told by her mom that he was not her real father. Can you imagine? She never saw that man again. And her mom told her who her real dad was, but that he was a “bad person” and she should not want to meet him. So she waited till she was in college to reach out and ask for a meeting. Her mom was livid and to this day is very unhappy with that decision. Long story short, we ended up having a great relationship with her and her now husband and kids. Her mom, not so much. But all is well and we’re grateful for this surprise that ended well.
wise words: forgiveness helps you...not the other person. Forgiveness releases burden and pain. I forgave my father who lived in the same city and never contributed to us. Fatherhood wasn't his deal. I let it go and chose a man who wanted to be a father to our children. It made me stronger. Otherwise, I'd be weak.
My (late) husband was allowed to think that "his" daughter from his first marriage was his biological daughter, in '58. He & his first wife divorced after 2 years of marriage & she immediately re-married they guy who was the bio father to the daughter. But, my (late) husband paid child support for 15 years before he insisted on dna tests & found the truth. He sued his ex & her husband for repayment of child support, but, the court ruled against him. I agree with other comments, here, that a dna test NEEDS to be done upon the birth of every baby.
@@camellia8625 It is because the father's and mother signed their names on birth certificate when the baby was born. The father has a few months to get baby DNA tested If he does not , and later finds out he is not the father it's too late since he signed the birth certificate. This might vary from state to state
Brett, look up videos on narcissism. Both your Mom & bio-Dad are narcs, and they took advantage of the empath, which was your stepdad. It’s gonna be a long road to healing, and I would encourage you to develop a strong relationship with the Lord. Read the Bible every day, and pray. The Lord is your true father. (Psalm 27:10) God bless you, protect you, and cover you during this difficult time. ✝️
This young man is so right. Keeping same secret in our family did cause fractures (though not openly). The big joke....small town, with a lot of extended family, everybody else knew the secret, but the kids involved.
You love the father who raised you even more, and understand the situation, but what hurts it the lie, that is what is hard to deal with more than the actual situation.
This is why a DNA test should be mandatory when a child is born... so many men are being forced to pay child support for kids that are not their’s and more importantly when medical issues come up in life the real father is the one who could donate “x” to potentially save the child’s life... and women are selfish with that secret
From what I know, once you sign the birth certificate, you are on the hook whether it's yours or not. So don't sign it. You don't need mothers permission to do a paternity test, just take a swab and send it in.
Um, men can't even be put on a birth certificate without a DNA test or signing something that says they are saying they are the father. Once married, no no one checks because child support isn't an issue.
I think John was slightly too fast to promote forgiveness. It was days before this call that this happened. Space for cycling through emotion is vital forgiveness will or won’t come in it’s own time but jumping straight to it can lead to suppressed emotions.
It is stunning that a person would make one mistake and then complicate it by making another, namely lying about it. That young man had a right to know who he is! The adults who made the mistake did not have the integrity to own it and made it even worse by denying him the truth. Just can't understand it.
![Quando Rondo - Grow Up [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8zFnCg3BO4Q/mqdefault.jpg)
Plenty of women have gone to the grave with this secret.
You know this is where life is strange. We always want to make the futur better for us so when we hear stories like this we try to think of a way to stop those things(and I think we should never stop). But at the same time we shoulnt complain because we are here because of our ancesters mistakes. But at the same time our ancesters would be mad at us for not correcting those mistakes. Sorry hard to understand english is not my language.
Always have a DNR test before signing anything.
And gone straight to hell.
@@wayne9287 no, the ancestors who made those mistakes made criminals who were incarcerated and is incarcerated and killed today ………. Fatherless children lead to criminals
A few of them are there because of it I'm sure.
I’m adopted. There is a huge difference between relatives and family. You can be related to a LOT of people, but family is who you love and who loves you. ❤️ I hope the caller can soon find a way to get through this bombshell with a good outcome.
This young man is acting so mature. He's acting in a way that can mend fences, even though he's still in shock. I hope the remaining parents in his life give him the healing and security he deserves. He is a gem for caring for others in similar situations during this time of new trauma for him. God bless him.
You might be right but you need to calm down man. Every humans do mistake and pardon is the only way to bring peace.
@@michaelpalumbo4880 Yes I understand. I would go away from her too. I hope she can get free from that evil before its too late for her.
@@wayne9287 yes a mistake she lied to him for 21 years, that a conscious decision to deceive him and the dead father
I dont mean to be off topic but does someone know of a trick to get back into an Instagram account..?
I somehow lost the account password. I would appreciate any assistance you can offer me
i agree. and sorry but this is one time i think John is - putting fuel on the fire. its not THAT outrageous - his real dad was mentally ill....things happen. his going on and on about the lies...just not useful...imo....people made mistakes, and also - so much worse out there tbh. thats my 2c
I wish more people could understand what it feels like to find this information out! People say, "It doesn't change anything". YES IT DOES! It changes everything! It's grief like you can't imagine. It's finding out that you have lived a lie your entire life! It's devastating!
I feel even more sorry for the husband finding out he has been cuckolded for years, and denied a biological son and denied an honest wife
I always say it changes nothing and everything at the same time. 😥
Yeah like revealing to everyone that moms a lil rachet how living a life of lies. And lies that make you ask, where do the lies end and the truth begin in our life built on them
@@MijoShrek I don’t think my mom was ratchet at all. She made the best decision she could under the circumstances. 🤷♀️ Everyone’s circumstances are different.
Yes, Beth!!! I lived this very experience. My late mother knew the man on my birth certificate was not my natural father. I put my DNA on "Ancestry" to see what was in my genetic makeup. Well, a paternal half-sibling, nieces, and nephew were revealed. I was shocked, numb, confused, hurt, and angry that I had lived a lie.
My mother and natural father have been dead for many years now, but I still find it difficult to forgive her. I don't know if my father ever knew about me (he was married to his second wife during my conception and birth), and he died several years before I found out about him. Also, none of his relatives ever heard him speak about having any other children other than the two he had with his first wife and the two he had with his second. Nevertheless, I continue to struggle with my identity. Counseling has helped put things into perspective, but the hurt and anger I feel are still palpable. Stay safe.
I love that Dr. John says "not kinda," about being lied to. He's said it on other interviews too and shows that the first step is not to discount the grievance someone did to you before you can heal from it.
It sounded to me like he had already pretty well come to terms with his situation and found forgiveness and healing, but mainly wanted to call and share his story to hopefully help others not have to go through what he went through. That was very mature and admirable!
Your real dad is the man who loves you, raises you, cares for you. The man who is there when you are sick, the man who tosses a ball with you, who shows up for your big, little, best and worst times. That is your real dad.
He did all that cuz she was getting bent over that balcony.
Thank you! He has a real Dad!
what if "dad" is really just playing dad so he can be with your mom? He is present but you don't have a warm, close relationship at all
@@marcusd9192 Then he is not there for you. Kids know the difference.
THANK you - NO kidding. johns watering the victimhood and anger....just not useful.
This show is like classy version of Jerry Springer sometimes I swear
Whenever I think I got it bad in life I come watch a couple of these shows and realize I'm actually blessed lol
@@adrianjeffrey2897 lol exactly. Think you have financial problems turn on Ramsey. Think you have family problems turn on Delone.
@@domwings4329 From one Dom to another, I approve this message 😆
You are NOT the father!!! Lol
The big difference is the John actually tries to help his callers, not exploit their issues for cheers from the crowds.
This guy sounds absolutely devastated. I really hope and pray he can heal from this.
I have a surprise half-sister. Met her when I was 38 and she was 60! She is a GIFT to her 11 half-siblings. Nobody is alive to answer the questions but I believe there were people in heaven making this connection happen. ❤️
Sometimes God has plan B
thats awesome
His mom probably thought that this would be all over once her husband passed away. Unfortunately for her it has only just begun
This young man is so mature and wise. So calm and kind.
He sounds like a well-rounded young man with a good heart.
This young man is incredible. Understandably frustrated, angry... but willing to work through it.
What a mature and gentle young man.
This happened to me, only my dad that wasn’t my real dad divorced and my mom ended up marrying my real dad who I never knew was my dad. My dad (that wasn’t my dad) sacrificed years picking me up every week for years and drove 3 hours every Friday and 3 hours bringing us home ever Sunday. Took us all over and was a great dad. But so was my Step dad who was also good to me. Took a dna and found out my sister and I were only half sisters. My parents died years and years ago however I still feel bad that my non dad did all this stuff for me and wasn’t even my dad!
He may have known but chose to love because he had already accepted you as his son .
He did all this because in his eyes you were his son
How old were you when your dad found it…?
Respectfully, If you don’t mind ….
Also, shout to real-dad who wasn’t real dad
He should be mad at his mom. She is the one who kept the secret all those years and lied to him.
Only he should decide how he feels. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. It sounds to me like she did what she thought was in his best interest. Maybe she was wrong and he’s hurt but I don’t think it was her intention to hurt him.
Lots it is common. Secrets kill families and people. I am glad he found out while his mom was alive to ask questions.
@@primabellas6856 Listening to stories like this and then reading comments like yours completely devoid of personal responsibility or shame Remind us bachelors to stay bachelors. You trollops are completely irredeemable.
@@chriswalker7895 - Wow! I'm not sure how not wanting this man to lose the only family he has makes me a "trollop" (whatever that is), but you don't know me so I have to assume that maybe you just have issues. Good day, sir.
@@primabellas6856 The only person who suggested he might hurt the family was the mother who was trying to turn the blame on him so as to not deal with the shame of what she did. He was never in danger of losing any family. He was just trying to gain the family she stole from him with her lies. Also you still avoided taking personal responsibility and applying shame to the situation. It's funny that you can see How she might have made a mistake and did the best she could. But somehow you can't see how she just as likely was being self centred and did something knowingly stupid she now regrets. Stop being so willing to forgive yourselves when you knowingly do wrong.
I was 12 when I figured out my 14 year old sister was only a half sister. Parents never told her till she was almost 30. On top of everything else, it was one more thing to carry as a child and young adult. Mom-O+, Dad-O+, Sister-A+
@Tha Getz It just means he was paying attention in biology class...no way to get A from O!
Who cares?? A half sister is a sister.
Did it make any difference that she was only a half sister?
WOW... i was in that situation at 16,,,was painful ,,, :( but adoptive dad was a good man and really the only real dad y had,,
Women who commit paternity fraud should be sued or something!
Jail time.
Both
Sued and prison. This is evil.
@James T Yeah James, while I respect your position, I will say that it's not "god's" decision whether this man is forced to raise a child that isn't his. He gave up his life's goals, dreams and potential future with someone else to raise this child.
If "god" gave him the option, and he made that decision, so be it. Most men would tell "god" to kick rocks. And if "god" were responsible, he wouldn't allow this to happen to begin with.
People make stupid mistakes and are embarrassed. They do the best they can after that and do what they think is best for their family. That's what the moms response indicated. How about some grace? This happened 20 years ago.
His dad likely knew something since his biological father was providing financial assistance while he was growing up.
Hence his depression
@@carmenvljn I know right imagine having to ask the person who banged your wife for assistance to raise that guys kid ……. I would kill myslef
I thought the guy said they had money trouble and that he wanst providing financial support? Maybe I heard wrong.
The argument Dr. John is making about the culture was relevant 40-50 years ago. 21 years ago was 2000; Maury had already been around for years at that point.
@@jeromehenry4484 A woman who goes on Maury that many times either doesn't know who the father is because she slept with a ton of men or is taking a long shot of someone being the father that isn't a total loser or deadbeat.
Some of those women were just angling for another appearance on the show.
No one knows what her reasons, emotional state or were. She did not have an abortion, she gave her son life. Should she have chosen adoption? But I hope full forgiveness for this young man towards her.
Maury or no Maury if women weren’t laying down with everything that moves they would know who the father was.
they did a test in australia i think years ago, several thousands men took ancestry DNA, turned out approx 30% were not the fathers and thought they were, it happens so often
Crazy to think this won't be a problem in the future because of DNA mapping.. no more lies mom's lol
This guy is solid. Seems like he knows how to set boundaries and heal. Awesome.
I can relate to this on a personal level.. My mom admitted to me after I passed high school that my dad was not my biological father. it was tough
Jos, chico , Dios Mio ! Esto es doloroso. But she raised you by herself or lied on your dad.
@@PHlophe of course she extorted the dad
You should make her feel guilty for taking that stranger D from like tinder and leaving you fatherless and cheating a good man, her husband
One of the best and most beautiful calls yet. This stuff happens and we need to forgive others mistake, so much damage is done to children out of love than out of malice. This man is going to well in life despite finding out something that literally is life altering. There could be a decent man that loved you from a far, and simply made the wrong call/felt he had no control over the situation. He could end up having two dads.
Send the other dude the bill for your college
Maybe the other dude didn’t know either.
@@nancygonzalez9177 very good point. Sometimes the mothers don’t tell the real dads.
How dare your mother do this to you. Despicable.
Mandatory DNA screening at birth should happen and should be requested. More and more of these are showing up.
We know governments would be trying to take that DNA information and misuse it.
Heck no I don’t want anyone getting my kids DNA. You know they sell if to pharmaceutical companies right? It should be available for people who want it but I’ll keep big daddy government out of my family.
what happened to trusting your partner?
@@jeromehenry4484 I'm guessing but I think there's better way to deal with those issues besides handing your DNA over to the government
@@jeromehenry4484 yea, no thanks
A guy skips child support goes to jail, but a woman who commits paternity fraud gets away with it. How does that work?!
Paternity testing should be a legal requirement before the father signs the birth certificate.
100%. It should be required by law and certainly not considered a terrible thing to ask for.
20 yyears ago It wasnt as readily avaiabe Not like now
In France they actually banned paternity testing because of the grief it was causing so it is now illegal to get that done.
oh my heart reaches out to you young man. I've been a stepfather to a wonderful 15-year-old girl who I have been there since she was two and a half... We had to tell her that yes I was not her biological dad when she was around 9 years old and immediately you know she was mad at confused and but you know she knows that I'm her dad cuz I'm the one who loves her I'm the one who raised her and I'm the one who continues to do that of course... But all as I can say to you young man as I hope you can get through this Don't hate the world and hate everybody at least don't do it forever I have just a broken heart for you
My heart goes out to this guy . Basically turned out my brother had a different dad .
The constant lies from both of my parents just hurt me and my siblings beyond belief . Secrets really do destroy families
One of my cousins the 4th child just found she is a half sister to her siblings and her Dad is not her biological father. She took a DNA test. They aren’t telling her aged Dad as he would be so hurt. Their Mother died years ago.
The truth always comes out .
sadly not always. What if he never took the test in his entire life and she passed away before she told him? sadly the truth does not always come out.
I bet this goes on a lot more than men can imagine.
So many of us have had DNA surprises. We can get through it. It does get better.
For most of my years I wondered why the man i was told was my father, that I didn't even know or ever met never wanted to be in my life. After a recent DNA test I too found out the real reason he did not want to be in my life. He was not my real father and he apparently knew it. My mother had always treated me as an outcast in my family with the other 4 siblings, all of whom have different fathers but who are known to them. I never felt close to my mother and grew up with a lack of parental nurturing. No parental affection whatsoever. Some of my aunts knew the truth and even tried to hint to me the truth when I was younger. I am now 67 having just taken the DNA test. My mother passed away when I was 41 and never revealed the truth. For months after discovering the truth I felt anger, hurt and frustration mostly towards my mother. The DNA test also reveals many close relatives from my mothers side but only one close relative from whoever my real father might be. so...waiting for contact to hopefully find out who my real father might have been.
thats unfortunate for you, your real father not being involved and your mom treating you as an outcast. I hope you find an evangelical type church and get involved in their groups and classes to find caring, binding people. I can relate, for sure. that scenario can crumble u or make you tough; i chose to b tough, to survive.
How painful for you! I wish you love, peace and healing as you move forward with your life. You deserve so much better than what you got growing up. Hugs to you.
Had a similar experience. We didn't find out that our grandfather was not our biological grandfather until grandma and grandpa passed away. It sucks that we will never know the other side of the family. Oh well gotta keep it moving. I refuse to live in the past. Future still bright
If you signup for these ancestry DNA sites, you may likely find some family connections.
This same thing happened to a buddy of mine back in 2018. He decided to forgive his Mom.
Can we just let the fact that his family friend is his biological father 👁👄👁 soak into our minds
That was probably done on purpose
Oh Tom, yeah he's just a friend 😆
Yes.
She was definitely getting side D from him regularly during her prime when the husband was away to work to feed the family
I'm 53 years old and just found out that Dad isn't my Dad. Ancestry DNA showed I had a LOT of first, second, third and fourth cousins that I never heard of. Right now, my parents are still alive but 80 & 79 years old, married for 62 years, I don't even know if I should upset them with this. Having a private conversation with my Mom seems awkward and accusing, and I don't want it to go like that. I've ordered the 23 & me test for further information. It's a shock. I keep wondering if everyone in the family knew, BUT me. I understand now why my dad always favored my sister. I never felt like he liked me, and my bad choices in men have reflected that. This lie shaped how I felt about myself and now I get it. It's some slight reassurance that I don't have repulsive qualities and that he probably couldn't help how he felt. I'm trying to adult my way through this.
Would you mind sharing more about your choices in men? I think I may have the same issue, due to the way my uncle and cousin treated me.
@@genxx2724 My early choices (until new husband at age 46) were ALL narcissists or emotionally unavailable (married or long distance). I always seem to pick impossible relationships that left me hurt and worthless. Yuck! Lots of work on that, mostly spiritual awareness has helped me find a keeper. We're not perfect but we're both love centered not self-centered.
@@newbetsy What did you figure out about why you chose them? In what way did you change your thinking? When you met your husband, could you tell he was different, and was it a conscious decision on your part? Was it difficult? I think if someone is commitment-minded, I perceive them as weak and lacking masculinity. It’s very dysfunctional.
@@genxx2724 I used to look at superficial qualities like charm or humor then with my current husband I looked into his heart. Was he truly a good person? Was he close with his family? Did he ask questions about me? I got to know him for three months before even going out with him.
@@newbetsy Thank you.
This is why they got rid of doing blood type work in biology class in high school curriculum. About 25% of kids were figuring out their dad was not their dad.
Where? The US?
@@tardwrangler yep.
Yeah…that first Punnett square where you can’t get anything but blue eyes from two blue-eyed parents is a tough situation for science departments everywhere.
Late comment, but this happened to me. Thanks Punnett squares 🫠
And other countries too. When it was in the curriculum too many kids were coming home asking tough questions. Shame on mothers for putting their children in this situation- besides being incredibly hurt they have to either continue the secret to not hurt the man they know as the father or unend all.
11:09 His mother made a bad calculation? Really Dr. John, really???? This type of stuff is not a bad calculation...it's an outright evil calculation.
Evil? Good lord, such judgment. There are some mean comments here.
I really feel for this caller. I hope he can find a support group. This is becoming more and more common. I know multiple people where mom had a secret. Worst was my friend’s father finding out his mother had had an affair with a 17 yr old boy down the street while being married to who he thought was his dad. She tells her son AFTER his bio dad had passed. Sooo many more out there. We live in a time where these secrets will all be revealed. Time to own up to it ladies!!!! Your children deserve the truth about who they are!!
Thank GOD my parents sent a brother or sister along on dates! We were always chaperoned!! We were taught modesty and against adulterous behavior. Today people are casual about sex. I hate that our society has gotten farther away from Judeo Christian teaching! I’m sure that happened, but not on the scale that we see today!
I was a teenager when I found out I had a different dad. My mom had the courage to tell me.
that's not courage, she just waited long enough to where the pain and deceit would be lessened, she stole a large portion of your fathers life and deprived him of biological offspring, your mom is STILL a deceitful piece of sh1t
Bad news NEVER gets better with time, and this is a prime example of that.
Cheers to these Ancestry services for finally exposing some women's bad behaviors! And they always want to talk about "toxic masculinity"???
Well for every woman it took a man to to participate in the same bad behavior
‘Toxic masculinity’ is anything that prevents them from taking stranger D from like tinder when they please
There are bad women and men as well, bringing light to one doesn't dim the other
Yeah, why these wimmen so mad about being hit, beat, choked, rap3d, stealthed, secretly filmed, trafficked, etc when real men are getting their feelings hurt!
Dang, some women are on a whole other level of shifty.
A cousin of mine whose parents divorced and remarried asked me some time ago about the family tree. She was having a bit of trouble because, even though she has results listed under AncestryDNA, her half-sister’s results (she did it, too) is not showing among her matches.
But her half-sister’s results show up among mine.
2 + 2 = 4.
DNA doesn’t lie - people do.
I don’t have the heart to tell her. I hope she figured it out.
I have a cousin with two kids. Neither of them look anything like the man she was married to when they were born. But she got divorced and married another man- and I'll be damned if they both don't look exactly like him. They live in a small farm town where the whole bunch hang out at the local watering hole. If they had a paternity test done, I have no doubt in my mind the second husband is the actual father.
You can't force forgiveness. The only time you have truly forgiven is when you don't feel the need for it anymore. He needs to give himself permission to feel all his feeling fully, even the anger and other negative emotions but in a safe healthy environment like at therapy. You could hear the sadness in his voice and him trying to keep it together. He needs to express it all before he goes towards forgiveness, anything else is bypassing.
His mom should be in prison for paternity fraud. Absolutely despicable what she did. I'd never talk to her again.
This is why stoning in the public square became a thing, and still is. Its bad enough that she cheated on dad. But. Then to assume some other man should raise, pay-for and nurture another man’s seed without his consent is an abomination.
Far better man than his parents!
This happened to me when I was 18. An older cousin told me and it rocked my world. Looking back 20 years later I realize why my life kinda spiraled out of control. I feel for this guy 🙏🏼
Sorry you had to find out this way Brett. NPEs are very hard to deal with and I hope your mom and you can be reconciled.
This caller is made of gold.
He'll be okay.
no, he'll do GREAT.
Happens all the time. Unfortunately, knowing doesn’t make your eternal hurt go away.
Six minutes of pleasure doesn't make you a 'father'...my own step-father was a gift and a magnificent caring person.
Genetically they do. And they give you a whole family and genealogy, too.
How do people move on from these sorts of things? Gotta be like trying to swallow a log...
My exact thoughts. I can’t imagine the burden of carrying a lie that big my entire life.
I'm part of a couple support groups for this. I found out through 23andme at 31. It takes time but eventually the products of the affairs move on. The mothers and fathers are a different story. I've seen that it's common for the moms to lose it and completely cut off thier kid to cover thier lies or blame thier children for the lie coming out. It seems to have destroyed more relationships with mothers than the fathers who end up not being biological.
🤔
How? I don't know but we must be more mentally stronger than we think. I recently watched a video on the Rwanda massacre and a man lost his mom, wife and 6 of his children. He had to run and hide into the woods for multiple days and it was raining. Since then he said every time it rains it reminds him the massacre.😢
Do the best you can. You can't let the situation get you down. Don't give good energy to the messy situation. There are more things in life that will need your undivided attention.
This one was relevant for me and forced me to consider some things. Thanks for calling in. I’m older than you and admire your strength man
Yeah that guy (bio dad)is always going to feel like a stranger. I met my bio dad when I was 16 (im 35) and he always lived 400 miles away so I never felt he was my father. He only calls me on Christmas Day and will send his grandsons presents once every 2 years so it really feels so pointless. I went to a family reunion a couple years ago, on his side of the family, and found out the day I got there he was a big alcoholic. My mother said he was an alcoholic during her three year relationship and is why she left when she was pregnant with me. It is so sad he never broke the habit after 39 years. I’m glad he was never in my life and his step kids hate him. I guarantee you this young man was better off without him.
I am very impressed with this young man and the mature way he is dealing with all of this!
Sheesh this guy thinking him speaking up will help others on the forefront of his mind. What a guy
My husband just found a half sister through the same way. His dad still doesn't know he fathered this woman from a 1 night stand. Her mother was never able to contact my father-in-law and she passed off my new Sister-in-law as someone else's daughter. Like the caller, the man she called dad passed away before this secret came out.
I hope you don’t repeat the cycle and cheat your husband with a fatherless kid from a one night stand 🤞
@@luisfernando5998 and I hope you don’t father a child and abandon it
@@luisfernando5998if you dont want the women in your life to do this, *always* wear a condom.
I have a similar situation that I want to call the show about
This young man sounds very intelligent and very mature for his age. I wish him the best in his future.
Its crazy with all of advance and accessible dna testing that stuff like this cant be really secretive from anyone. The mom should have come clean
Both this young man and his father were manipulated, deceived and defrauded for decades by this dishonest and conniving woman.
My son Have no fear for God is with you . I also was not given the truth but you can grow and go on from here .
First, the man who took care of you and raised you is your dad. I’m glad you were able to do your dads eulogy ❤
Both of my aunts found out their dad was not their dad. Both dads of my aunts have already passed away. As well as my grandma. So sadly they don’t get answers. And that was a 50+ year secret.
right here with you, at 16 i found the same thing out.
Took a DNA test turns out he’s 100% not the father
DNA test reveals the mom is 100% the liar
I’m adopted and my parents didn’t tell me about it until I was old enough to understand the situation. I really appreciate my adopted father and I couldn’t ask for a better dad. However if I never knew I was adopted I think that would be incredibly wrong.
This too shall pass. I never laid eyes on my father. But I had a wonderful mother. I only want to look into his eyes to see if I look like him but he had passed and Brazil. One day I asked my mom why do I act so different in my brothers and sisters. She then told me the truth, I was heartbroken but I learn to survive and you will Also be able to carry you. Trust in what I say I am 70 years old. God bless you you will survive
Sounds like both of them knew. Father felt guilty and helped support them. Mom was too concerned about her reputation. Shame on both of them.
What a horrible shock for you. I can't imagine. While it's not the same situation, I was adopted as a baby. I can tell you, your real Dad raised and loved you. The lies from your Mom are horrible. What a betrayal. My heart goes out to you.
This happened to me. I thought my dad was my dad. Surprise surprise he wasn't. I was raised polish and found out I was French Canadian.
Paternity tests should be mandatory and done at birth.
Or done routinely as part of a divorce settlement process.
Yeah and both mother and father of the baby split the bill.
Yep, no man should have to support a kid that isn't his.
This was tough to hear. My friend is in this position. He knows there’s a 50/50 chance his child who’s now 10 may not be his. Although he was told to take a paternity test by friends and family he never did. I told him if she ever finds out she’s going to be devastated and it’s your fault because you should’ve got in front of it right away. This behavior is 100% selfish because he just wanted to be a Dad and is only thinking of himself and his feelings forgetting that one day she’ll be an adult and may never forgive him. Since there’s a chance she could be his why not take the test and if she is you can now breathe easy the rest of your life. Some people really don’t think about the consequences of there actions.
Man, I would hate on the bio father. F’ing my mother, destroying my family, can never be forgiven. Id never speak to him, ever. And mom is a tramp. She would have no contact with my future family and grand children. This is infuriating.
The level of disrespect to the man who cared for him is heart breaking...
My husband and I had been married fur 13 years when SURPRISE we found out he had a 19 yr old daughter! Apparently her mother had dated my husband (before we met) as well as another guy, when she got pregnant. She told my husband the other guy was the dad and bye! So my husband moved on with his life as this was not a serious relationship. The other guy stuck around for 9 years until they broke up, at which time my “bonus” daughter was told by her mom that he was not her real father. Can you imagine? She never saw that man again. And her mom told her who her real dad was, but that he was a “bad person” and she should not want to meet him. So she waited till she was in college to reach out and ask for a meeting. Her mom was livid and to this day is very unhappy with that decision. Long story short, we ended up having a great relationship with her and her now husband and kids. Her mom, not so much. But all is well and we’re grateful for this surprise that ended well.
wise words: forgiveness helps you...not the other person. Forgiveness releases burden and pain. I forgave my father who lived in the same city and never contributed to us. Fatherhood wasn't his deal. I let it go and chose a man who wanted to be a father to our children. It made me stronger. Otherwise, I'd be weak.
He is a great young man.
My (late) husband was allowed to think that "his" daughter from his first marriage was his biological daughter, in '58. He & his first wife divorced after 2 years of marriage & she immediately re-married they guy who was the bio father to the daughter. But, my (late) husband paid child support for 15 years before he insisted on dna tests & found the truth.
He sued his ex & her husband for repayment of child support, but, the court ruled against him.
I agree with other comments, here, that a dna test NEEDS to be done upon the birth of every baby.
I cannot understand why a court would rule against a deceived father. I am so sorry your late husband and you had to go through that.
Wow what a scam that lady pulled off to get child support
@@ericjennings6267 Prior to DNA tests, MANY men raised children that biologically were not theirs.
@@camellia8625 It is because the father's and mother signed their names on birth certificate when the baby was born. The father has a few months to get baby DNA tested If he does not , and later finds out he is not the father it's too late since he signed the birth certificate. This might vary from state to state
Was waiting for the woman to run backstage and start crying!!!
Paternity tests should be mandatory when the baby is born
Brett, look up videos on narcissism. Both your Mom & bio-Dad are narcs, and they took advantage of the empath, which was your stepdad. It’s gonna be a long road to healing, and I would encourage you to develop a strong relationship with the Lord. Read the Bible every day, and pray. The Lord is your true father. (Psalm 27:10) God bless you, protect you, and cover you during this difficult time. ✝️
This young man is so right. Keeping same secret in our family did cause fractures (though not openly).
The big joke....small town, with a lot of extended family, everybody else knew the secret, but the kids involved.
You love the father who raised you even more, and understand the situation, but what hurts it the lie, that is what is hard to deal with more than the actual situation.
Who was his real father? Chad or Tyrone?
Such an emotionally intelligent young man for being so young. Not something anyone should have to deal with.
This is why a DNA test should be mandatory when a child is born...
so many men are being forced to pay child support for kids that are not their’s and more importantly when medical issues come up in life the real father is the one who could donate “x” to potentially save the child’s life... and women are selfish with that secret
From what I know, once you sign the birth certificate, you are on the hook whether it's yours or not. So don't sign it. You don't need mothers permission to do a paternity test, just take a swab and send it in.
Um, men can't even be put on a birth certificate without a DNA test or signing something that says they are saying they are the father. Once married, no no one checks because child support isn't an issue.
Omg this poor kid had such a good intro. Hard tough question.
I know someone else who AncestryDNA told them their dad wasn’t their dad 😭
I can barely not cry just hearing his voice without even listening to the words
I think John was slightly too fast to promote forgiveness. It was days before this call that this happened. Space for cycling through emotion is vital forgiveness will or won’t come in it’s own time but jumping straight to it can lead to suppressed emotions.
It is stunning that a person would make one mistake and then complicate it by making another, namely lying about it. That young man had a right to know who he is! The adults who made the mistake did not have the integrity to own it and made it even worse by denying him the truth. Just can't understand it.
DNA tests at EVERY BIRTH should be FEDERAL LAW....
I got 23 and me test for everyone for Christmas a few years ago... I ABSOLUTELY REGRET IT... DO NOT DO THIS.