Buddha's Advice On The Dangers Of Affection May Surprise You!
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Affection can be dangerous, this is some of the surprising and even shocking advice the Buddha gives in the early suttas. I'll look at what the Buddha said about some of affection's problematic role in lay and monastic life, as well as its ties to attachment and hatred.
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✅ Videos mentioned:
Superiority of Solitude in Early Buddhism: The Rhinoceros Sutta - • Superiority of Solitud...
Playlist on the four Brahmavihāras (Lovingkindness, Compassion, etc.) -- • Lovingkindness and Rel...
Friendship in Early Buddhism -- • How To Be A Good Frien...
✅ Suttas mentioned:
suttacentral.net/snp1.3/en/su...
suttacentral.net/mn122/en/sujato
suttacentral.net/snp1.8/en/su...
suttacentral.net/an5.250/en/s...
suttacentral.net/an4.200/en/s...
suttacentral.net/ud8.8/en/sujato
suttacentral.net/snp1.2/en/su...
suttacentral.net/sn1.12/en/su...
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00:00 Intro
01:01 Solitude and monasticism
02:31 Affection in lay life
06:07 Affection’s ties to hatred
07:52 Drawbacks of monastic affection
09:09 Affection and attachment
09:52 Affection and lovingkindess
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Buddha is right (as always). It isn't family/children/spouse that bring suffering per se, but the situations arising from family life make it EXTREMELY difficult to attain Awakening
Yes, ordinary attachments.
From my readings of Modern Buddhist Books, it has been said that we can use the passing of a loved one to understand the Dharma more profoundly. When a loved one dies, we mourn their passing but instead of succumbing to the grief, we simply recognize that the impermanence of life is a part of samsara and then move on. Their absence will always be felt, however it shouldn't stop you from living your own life. Though it is easier than done to apply such a teaching in our life
Yes, I agree. Through loss we can come to understand the First Noble Truth more directly.
I also find it interesting how it is a far more difficult thing to hold loving-kindness for all than it is to love, in an egoic way, only one's own few. In this way, the former requires much more spiritual development to hold authentically. Thanks Doug
Yes, it's a very, very difficult practice.
I find most people baulk when it comes to sending loving-kindness to the violent or to a murderer. Somehow we feel people need to deserve our loving kindness. But that's maybe the difference between loving kindness and affection. Loving kindness should be unconditional. And in a way it brings me back to the thing I'm always telling myself, that it's easy to love a kitten but not a cockroach. And forgiveness too comes only in droplets. We can say we forgive someone, but it can take years of daily dedication to loving kindness meditation to effectively forgive. Super topic Doug with lots to reflect on!
i told my some of friends, that we should love and understand pedos too. they think im pedo or gone insane.
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Cockroach example is perfect. We can practice loving kindness by being kind to beings that are most disliked...spiders, cockroaches, mosquitoes, centipedes.
I love this comment thanks❤
Great vid as always. Looking forward to sitting on this
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So many people confuse Buddha Dharma with nihilism and apathy, while in reality it's actually seeing Reality, as it is. This can be difficult, and shocking even but nothing the Blessed One says can be said to be objectively wrong. Almost all affectionate relationships are ego-driven in some way.
Thank you ❤
Excellently explained !👌🏻
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Thank you Doug. May you all be "blessed"!
This is the core of Buddha’s teachings.
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Interesting point. Thanks, Doug!
You're very welcome!
Metta practice is such a balm to this ''Ugly American'' that I always remind myself during transports of (rather abstract!) ''boundless states'' (subject to notoriously ''brittle'' metta) that ''equanimity'' is, after all, the highest state. I'm enjoying Fisher's, Meditation In The Wild, where the eremitic impulse is taken to the absolute extreme amongst cobras, tigers, and the rhinoceros. It's a wonderful holiday break from Analayo et al. where half of the book is footnotes! Best wishes, Bhante!
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This is one of my favourite videos of yours, such an excellent point of truth! I resonate with this so much, I've always felt an intuitive danger of affection
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I think you put it in a nutshell when you said it should be ego less. I can't see any harm in this kind of affection. 🙏
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Very interesting subject! Thank you.
My pleasure!
This poem has wisdom. Seek satisfaction and solace in the internal world, contentment. imo not so much a command to "be alone" but a wisdom to not fear it, indeed to embrace it during its chosen time. When the time comes to be a family or community, do that also. Context, Connotation and Denotation along with perception guide us in all these sacred writings from all faiths. Clarification ..be content and natural not looking for meaning outside oneself, while alone..or in a family or community. Wander alone...be prepared to be different whether in or out of a group. Indeed sometimes the best leaders in a family and in a community, are wandering alone.
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Excellent video. Hello from England. Thanks 😊😊😊
Thanks for watching!
I had a discussion with a friend a while ago on love and affection in Buddhism. As a buddhist, I was very much for non-attachment to love and affection or anything. However, my friend viewed that as non-feeling. He questioned how can anyone have love and affection without adhering to such feelings for living beings? My argument was that Buddhism advocates "complete equality" in that all living beings should be viewed as equal and should be treated equally. As buddhist, we should not harbor any feelings of hatred, disgust, love, affection, etc., to anyone, for such feelings are highly personal and subjective.
Then comes the very difficult question: do I have love for my country.
This is an extremely difficult question to anyswer. I simply have no answer.
I feel better after watching this because I have no family or friends and meditate 4 hours a day. I spend a lot of time in samahdi
Amazingg
Very insightful analysis. I suspect that affection is a very powerful force because of the evolutionary advantages it conveys in terms of survival of offspring and relatives. It is very much a base and animalistic instinct which needs to be moderated and suppressed if we as a species truly want a society that is compassionate and just. Thanks Doug.
Sure! I wouldn't say that suppression is a very useful strategy. There is a lot of benefit in affection, but it needs to be investigated mindfully. 🙏
And this exactly why, Buddhism will stay a minority, even if I agree with a lot of its teachings, other than idealistic ones.
Hi Doug - regarding the lines from the Karaniya Metta Sutta that you referenced, Ajahn Thanissaro believes they should be considered to mean that one protects one's metta for all being as a mother would protect her only child, rather than the standard interpretation that you mentioned. From your scholarship and understanding of Pali, what do you make of that?
Well these poetic verses will allow of multiple interpretations, but that's one I hadn't heard before.
@@DougsDharmaI was actually going to mention this as well. Thanissaro is arguing that metta is better translated as friendliness or good will, rather than loving kindness.
Ah! You know, I have also heard the same line be spoken of in the same manner by Ajahn Sona of the Thai Forest Tradition. That interpretation may come from Ajahn Chah himself then- after all, I believe Ajahn Chah is of the lineage from which both Ajahn Sona and Ajahn Thanissaro emerged. He may have even taught them both.
@@chikensaku I think it was Ajahn Fuang who taught Thanissaro about metta. He has an article about it on Access to Insight. And to me good will makes a lot more sense than loving kindness.
@@rinatturganbekov5512 Ah! Got it- then I was totally wrong lol. Thanks for the clarification! Goodwill does certainly make more sense than loving kindness. I like that! In French, metta is translated as 'bienveillance' which is so much closer to 'goodwill' than loving kindness. Now I wanna read that article!
Thank you for that really important issue on the affection and metta.
Can you, please, suggest an argument on how to practice metta towards the terrorists.
Just remember the point of metta practice isn't for their sake, it's for yours. Metta doesn't absolve someone of having done wrong, it doesn't clear up someone else's bad karma. That said, it's easier not to start with the hardest cases.
We have karmic ties for sure but affection is linked attachment one of the three poisons. The trick is be opened minded to let the Dharma heal your delusions. Attachment can be dangerous we don’t know that we are harming others by enabling them through our own selfishness…..
In the West there is a, perhaps modern assertion that love survives death. If love is of the phenomenal world however surely it will not survive death.
Well love, kindness, compassion, can all survive death by living on in those we have touched.
Affection in Sanskrith- MOHA. Patni moha, putra moha and so on are chains that hold your thinking, effort to move away. Stuck in relative truth😢
A song by Iron Maiden comes to my mind: "The thin liiiiiine between loooove and haaaaate..." 😅
Between this kind of love (in the sense of egoic/attachment-infused love) and hate there's indeed only a thin line.
Thanks, Doug! 🤘🐱🤘
Yes, and sometimes it can be very easy to cross that line ...
Thanks for the video Doug. Again we see clinging as a problem - clinging to affection for some folks - unlike Loving Kindness which seems to me to be more universal.
Yes, it can be tough to distinguish the clinging in these situations, but it's there.
Shirley MacLaine once said we should try to "Love ❤ without caring" - perhaps there is some similarly applicable wisdom here ?
Maybe so ...
Without condition.
This is what should be done By one who is skilled in goodness, And who knows the path of peace: Let them be able and upright, Straightforward and gentle in speech, Humble and not conceited, Contented and easily satisfied, Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways. Peaceful and calm and wise and skillful, Not proud or demanding in nature. Let them not do the slightest thing That the wise would later reprove. Wishing: In gladness and in safety, May all beings be at ease. Whatever living beings there may be; Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none, The great or the mighty, medium, short or small, The seen and the unseen, Those living near and far away, Those born and to-be-born - May all beings be at ease! Let none deceive another, Or despise any being in any state. Let none through anger or ill-will Wish harm upon another. Even as a mother protects with her life Her child, her only child, So with a boundless heart Should one cherish all living beings; Radiating kindness over the entire world: Spreading upwards to the skies, And downwards to the depths; Outwards and unbounded, Freed from hatred and ill-will. Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down Free from drowsiness, One should sustain this recollection. This is said to be the sublime abiding. By not holding to fixed views, The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision, Being freed from all sense desires, Is not born again into this world. Khp 9
This is really interesting. Isn't the point to be stable through these challenges? This really sounds more like avoidance. Not a criticism, it just conflicts with what I thought the tightrope act was about.
Well it all has to do with where we are in our practice. The Buddha does recommend "guarding the sense doors," which can be seen as a strategy of temporary, skillful avoidance. The basic idea is that the path is much harder if we don't work towards modest renunciation in some things. But yes, the eventual point is to remain equanimous through life's challenges.
@@DougsDharmaGotcha, that makes sense. Thank you!
Great content, when bank gives me more credit will financially you
Thanks so much, please don't go into debt to support me! 🙏
Are we there yet?
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend?"
Who was Rahula and whois Quinn Michaels
I often wonder if the Buddha, if he was here today, would have a YT channel on which to sanctimoniously pontificate?....without advert renumeration via likes and subscriptions, , of course.
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Metta should be comprend as Metta, once translated to Loving kindness, well.... is not Metta anymore, metta is beyond loving kindness (KN- karaniya Metta Sutta). There are many words in Pali that should never be translated to English. English translations are riddled with errors, simply the English language (any language for that matter) has no equivalent word. A good reason Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Sujato always says, never translate word to word, but phrase.
We, most are conditioned in a way always looking for labels'' that we are familiar with, that is very normal. But, there will be a point (after deep contemplation), one comes to realize the true meaning of pali words, then only understand the incompleteness of English translation.
No wonder, why monastics need to be competent in pali, sanskrit, sinhalese, and so on before they read tripitaka.
Ask yourself.... Are you doing this because you want something in return?
Right, most of the time you will be, at least a little.
So you learn afflection and love but your incourged to be alone and have no one to share love and affection with? No man is an island.I don't think a lot of this makes sense.
One learns kindness and compassion as instrumental to the path towards enlightenment, they aren’t the path itself. One should live together with true friends: if one has true friends one should not live alone. And indeed the monastic path is one of togetherness. But even if one does not live literally together with others, one can still practice kindness and compassion.
There's my excuse for being a loner 😊