I think the scariest thing is when the people who misunderstands us are people that have power over us or our situation, that's when I feel it's really difficult to tolerate being misunderstood.
5 лет назад+17
If you´re on a healing process you should know and work on creating boundaries. Specially around dangeours people. I know that depends on privileges and every specific case because sometimes you can not only run from a place. There's always gonna be harmful people but you can't blame on yourself.
I get that - I've been in situations where I have put trust in someone for their expertise (medical doc or counsellor) and have been vastly misunderstood. It can be surprising when unexpected and sometimes you aren't ready for it!
Cristhiam López Arcia Absolutely. We can be Kind, Loving, Giving and Compassionate. But if you are with dangerous people who constantly harm you physically almost Everyday. Please know that you do not have to tolerate such circumstances, and set Clear Boundaries Right Now. It took me years to realise how important this is. Whoever is reading this: Please Do Not Wait, start loving yourself ‘’NOW’’. You deserve Better ☘️🌿❤️☘️) Sincerely and with all my love.
I feel you. The boss who doesn't give you a raise because he thinks you are lazy (his reality) but all the while you were trying hard/your best and think you are kicking ass (your reality) It happened to me a few times and seriously it sucks
Wow, that’s true. I guess that’s something I could stand to release. It feels so important to me. And therefore I also feel rather unfulfilled in many ways. Hmm.
Yes, I'd like to release that need to be understood. I can feel so awful when someone thinks badly of me and its a misunderstanding. Sometimes trying to explain can make it worse. Think I'll practice just letting it go. With a smile.
One of the hardest parts about being misunderstood is that oftentimes it comes from people you put on a high pedestal or people you had greater expectations of--the one's you desired empathy from--be it social workers, doctors, parents, or even therapists.
I really had to focus to understand your point. Instead of trying to explain myself, I should just observe what happens and why it happens, and realise different people see things from different perspectives. The thing is when someone matters to you, you want to be understood, and it hurts when you're not and nothing you do makes any difference.
I struggle with accepting being misunderstood as well. I noticed that in the moment I adopt this black or white thinking: either they agree with me and I am validated, or they disagree with me and I am not validated. There is a third option however where they disagree with me and I still validate my feelings and experiences. I think self-validation and self-esteem are crucial in this matter. Nicole could you please make a video (if you haven’t already) on what to do when you need external validation?
This is so helpful, and incredibly pertinent. My romantic relationship is evolving as we are finding ourselves to be new people than when we started, and requiring different boundaries. I have struggled so deeply with feeling like we are not “seeing eye to eye“on certain emotional things, not really realizing that my inability to except her difference of opinion to be a reflection on my struggle to validate my own feelings. Thanks for sharing your insight with the world, to understand myself more deeply is such a gift.
This was EXTREMELY helpful. I realize that I have been invested in having a SHARED REALITY w my soon-to-be-ex. And since he is a covert narcissist, that is simply a set-up for CRAZY-Making.I really never even thought of "Practicing" being misunderstood. Wow. New Paradigm for me. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this message. I'm going through this right now with my mother and it hurts to realise she doesn't understand why I may be behaving in a certain way (placing boundaries). I'm learning to let go of feeling understood and reminding myself to know my worth regardless of what others believe to be true. Sending so much love 💓💓💓
This is a great list! I would also add to breathe. Being misunderstood can be really frustrating, and depressing, especially when experienced from those close to us. Bringing attention back onto ourselves, our body can help us navigate the emotions that come up when experiencing being misunderstood. 😌
I feel so understood after watching this 😂🤪 but really, it will be helpful to be able to keep boundaries knowing that being misunderstood is not only ok but it's to be expected.
Thank you! Reminds me of all your shares about emotional maturity being equal to accepting that everyone is not going to think, feel, and believe as we do! 💙
We started setting boundaries with my mother in law about a year ago. She became angry and resentful towards us and blamed me although my husband was doing most of the direct communication. The people-pleaser in me feels so guilty about it still, although this is the best thing for us and has been freeing in so many ways. I think a lot of it comes down to us (and our boundaries) being misunderstood, and I have a hard time with that. Thank you for this video it was extremely helpful to us ❤️
Watched this with my husband , we acted out s great example of being misunderstood while he was trying to work out why you would want to practice being misunderstood:)
I just found your videos a few weeks ago and I cannot tell you how helpful they have been to my current life situation. I don't think anything else actually has been so practical and useful to me for where I'm at right now thank you so much for making these videos!
This is perfectly relevant to my experience tonight. I’m struggling with what may be the dissolution of a long-term relationship... after years of feeling misunderstood. It’s like everything is in many layers that have been compounded. It’s complicated and painful. And of course when I reflect on the conflict that escalated tonight, it began with me feeling deeply and carelessly misunderstood (blame being placed on me, being called selfish for what I feel are my own necessary boundaries). I feel I may need many lessons on this.
“C” How to praCtice being misunderstood. Nobody’s perfect but you’re close as they get. Love your videos & can’t wait to start my new book “How to Do the Work.”
Thank you! I’ve been practicing this this year & I have to say it is incredibly freeing! I have not known true understanding until my husband, & this has made it easier that others don’t understand me. In 2020, the people pleaser/parent pleaser in me doesn’t have a say anymore.
I'm currently experiencing this for the first time, or I guess, being so affected for being misunderstood for the first time. I'm considered by my friends, family and former colleagues as a patient, kind and helpful person. That's who I am and I always strive to be my kindest version. However, now that I have a new job in a management position, my peers see me as difficult and sometimes rude. I don't know how to deal with it. It's never been a problem before. I'm always watching my tone, my expressions, everything, but it is never enough with these people. I'm struggling, really. Thank you for your help 🙏
Experiencing that right now with a colleague. Really trying hard to accept the situation as it is, know that everything will happen as it should and that whatever happens, I'll be okay.
Could you PLEASE do a detailed video on: 1. Abandonment issues. 2. Feeling as though you have not belonged (since finding out the truth that your mom that raised you your entire life is NOT your biological mom) within your immediate family if both of your biological parents abandoned you at birth and you were raised by your biological mom’s aunt. 3. How does it affect a child growing up without any affection from your single adopted mother as well no communication in life between the two of you? 4. If a daughter and single mother were their entire life codependent on each other (the mom always making the decisions for the child growing up and being extremely controlling, opinionated and many times manipulative), how does ALL of this affect the child once their single mom dies? 5. How can a person resolve for good and finally heal from their past abandonment issues and mental problems? Thank you very much for everything you do to help people like me resolve their past problems.
I'm experiencing that people don't like it when you set boundaries and I'm having to deal with the backlash. I am learning that I don't have to explain myself, that I don't need other's validation or approval, I am okay with being misunderstood. What I am realizing is that what's really important for me on my journey is that I no longer betray or abandon myself in order to not rock the boat. For me betraying or abandoning myself looks like saying yes when I really want to say no. Growth is challenging but also very empowering.
I can see with shared reality, there can certainly be an over involvement in others lives. We can be there for others but cant do the work for them! Radical acceptance keeps that separation. There is no right and wrong. Everyone is on their own journey. Love one another!
Observation: theres a shift that comes from regular practice where ur priorities change from trying so hard to be understood by others... To taking more time to accept being misunderstood ...What a intensely connective energy shift! Truly a healthy exercise for the spirit
Thank you for this video💗 I feel misunderstood a lot and it is very frustrating sometimes. This is one of the main practices that i want to do in 2020💪
Nicole! Thanks so much! This video is the answer to me. I feel blessed by now. I don't know how to repay your kindness, but I will give you my prayers Nicole. So again, thanks so much!!
I just want to thankyou so much for your content. Your words are medicine to me, I'm healing myself, and I'm so thankful, I watch a different video of yours every night before I go to sleep, knowing your knowledge and guidance has resonated and helped me, I sleep better and I think better. I dont have any other support. You are a gift, I'm so incredibly grateful for your existence.
Coming from a Catholic upbringing, I struggled a lot early on in my recovery with black and white either or thinking. It took a long time to be more understanding and flexible. To accept there are Grey areas. Can you do more on tolerating and separating different realities please? I appreciate your work.
This is exactly exactly exactly what I needed to hear today. My desire to be understood really drives a good portion of my thoughts and behaviors. And Yes boundaries are big theme for me. I’ve realized on deep level I’m the only one responsible for upholding my boundaries and can’t depend on others -no matter how much they want to And say/believe they can- to uphold important boundaries in my life for my health. I’m on wholeness/healing journey.
Dr. Nicole, this is so true and on time from me...as I see it it in my personal experience we are all seemingly having different experiences and realities to cope with as well as tolerate. Thanks for the insight.
Get outta my head! 😂 No. Seriously, I'm so glad I found your channel. Spooky how your videos pop up and apply exactly to what I'm struggling with. Your channel format is perfect and so easy to process. Thank you. 💜
Once again, this video and what you shared adds so much valuuue !! Thank you. I like how you always stress the "time factor", that it's a practice and it requires time, it allows me to be more patient with myself and go back on track without being too judgmental in the moments where i do not show up. Question here: anyone has a good recommandation of a book on nutrition ? Seems super important and i realize how much i lack knowledge on that.
When your in a workplace environment. And prenalised due to misunderstanding and effects your whole year at work and then your maternity greviance then it does matter actually as being misunderstood matters to your pay check so it’s not always that simple
Misunderstanding can take place as a form of prejudice also though.. ex: being a single woman? People will think “What’s wrong with you”? Are you gay? “There’s definitely a problem with you”. Etc etc. misunderstanding can be offensive also, it’s how people address their misogynistic, homophobic or racist mindsets.
Remember that there are people who are out to hurt you on purpose and trigger you on purpose. If someone says “wow you were really emotional there,” and you think you weren’t, you may feel misunderstood and try to defend yourself, if you think this is a normal human being that you are in a relationship with. But if this is a sociopath who you know is trying to hurt you, it changes the ball game. You might say, with a look of total surprise, “oh, you think?” and walk away. Remember that there are people who are evil enough that they do not want to validate you, so they will say negative things on purpose. It isn’t that they misunderstand you-at all.
Possibly I for myself now misunderstood the concept, but just today I had an argue with a friend of mine. Different perspectives, everyone expects different things from each other. How do I know how far I should keep up my boundary, and when should I make compromises? Is this all about intuition or could you add some points or hints to these thoughts? Anyways, thanks so much for your valuable inputs.
Thanks for this video, came at the perfect time. I am struggling with my friendship group and have lost one very long term friend because they did not agree with my choices (food - plant based and target shooting). I am struggling with another friend, finding it very upsetting and isolating I am constantly misunderstood and treated as if I cannot organise my life successfully. Seriously wondering if this is a toxic relationship for me as I feel a constant state of anxiety or annoyance around this person. But the other part of me is scared of my friendship group diminishing.
This is so important!! I 1st learned about Radical Acceptance when I learned DBT. It really shook me when my loved ones pushed back on the new me. The need for understanding and acceptance was so crucial for me but when I took a step back, I realized as long as I understand and accept myself that's really the only thing that matters. Once I'm on solid ground with this I teach others how to treat me. It's ok to be in a different perspective. I like to use the phrase...let's agree to not agree on xyz......this is a practice and takes time. Love your supportive posts and advice❤
I always love your videos. And I feel this is so applicable these days. I feel, just like men will never know what it’s like to be a woman, some white people will never understand our experience of being black. I and so many of my black friends feel so misunderstood right now. So is it up to us to practice radical acceptance and just accept that they may never get it and just lack the desire to have empathy for our cause? Just a thought I had while watching this.
if we are misunderstanding another do we just flip the questions? mypartner feels misunderstood and is triggered by that from explaining himself in childhood
Great question. And me too. I grew up being praised for my verbal skills, and subsequently learned that if I am not understood...it’s my fault and I have to try harder. And when I cannot understand another...it’s still my fault. So reversing the questions and asking/observing myself re: what’s underneath my own misunderstanding. Judgments? Assumed meanings? Etc. Great stuff to add to a toolbox and patiently practice.
@@canopenerboy Great insight from both of you. I was also the "perfectionist communicator" growing up, like you, Keith. And in return, I have been in many friendships and relationships in which I am expected (and try very hard to) mind-read. It's not only impossible, it's not fair to ourselves. Others also need to define their realities and boundaries to create a safe relationship experience. Every misunderstanding is an opportunity for self-reflection. I think what may be missing in this video is the degree to which you are misunderstood and the "fight" for clarity. I think this video is speaking specifically to the misunderstandings that leave us feeling like crazy people - when you are at a standstill and you feel like your view is being entirely dismissed. In effect, we're fighting to keep those people from doing to us what we are trying to do to them (convert their view). I feel like before you get to that standstill point, there is an opportunity to have a meaningful conversation - you can say, "When you say X, I take it to mean (put it in your own words). Is that indeed what you meant?" If you're way off the mark - what a gift. It can open up a world of self-reflection, and even closeness (if the other person is a "safe" person for you). Dr. Nicole does other work where she describes our triggers as "feeling the story of ____", and how that may distort our views. Super interesting stuff, and I highly suggest following her instagram if you haven't already. She's incredible.
everyday i feel that my feelings are not validated in the relationship with my partner and with my mom... therefore , i feel misunderstood... how can i aproach this feeling?
Dr. NICOLE thank u for ur video n inspiration.. I feel the call to study this holistic psychology to help other N myself. Are you doing private session or have an online course? I come from strict Italian family, I am 33 n still struggling with depression N need of recognition.. I spent the past 16years traveling, probably running from facing deep shadow, putting myself 100%at service helping others in slum in India, in México, in Palestine.. I saw more than 1psycology in Italy but they are only focus on the mind ignoring the emotions N family conditioning. Can you help or suggest someone please??
I think the scariest thing is when the people who misunderstands us are people that have power over us or our situation, that's when I feel it's really difficult to tolerate being misunderstood.
If you´re on a healing process you should know and work on creating boundaries. Specially around dangeours people. I know that depends on privileges and every specific case because sometimes you can not only run from a place. There's always gonna be harmful people but you can't blame on yourself.
I get that - I've been in situations where I have put trust in someone for their expertise (medical doc or counsellor) and have been vastly misunderstood. It can be surprising when unexpected and sometimes you aren't ready for it!
Cristhiam López Arcia Absolutely. We can be Kind, Loving, Giving and Compassionate. But if you are with dangerous people who constantly harm you physically almost Everyday. Please know that you do not have to tolerate such circumstances, and set Clear Boundaries Right Now. It took me years to realise how important this is. Whoever is reading this: Please Do Not Wait, start loving yourself ‘’NOW’’. You deserve Better ☘️🌿❤️☘️) Sincerely and with all my love.
I feel you. The boss who doesn't give you a raise because he thinks you are lazy (his reality) but all the while you were trying hard/your best and think you are kicking ass (your reality) It happened to me a few times and seriously it sucks
Yeah like parents
When there is no desire to be understood,the fear of being misunderstood never becomes a problem again
Isn't that the truth.
absolutely!!!
Wow, that’s true. I guess that’s something I could stand to release. It feels so important to me. And therefore I also feel rather unfulfilled in many ways. Hmm.
Ok, Eckhart. 💕
Yes, I'd like to release that need to be understood. I can feel so awful when someone thinks badly of me and its a misunderstanding. Sometimes trying to explain can make it worse. Think I'll practice just letting it go. With a smile.
One of the hardest parts about being misunderstood is that oftentimes it comes from people you put on a high pedestal or people you had greater expectations of--the one's you desired empathy from--be it social workers, doctors, parents, or even therapists.
People pleasing gets tired. I respect myself, so I can appreciate the difference of others
I really had to focus to understand your point. Instead of trying to explain myself, I should just observe what happens and why it happens, and realise different people see things from different perspectives. The thing is when someone matters to you, you want to be understood, and it hurts when you're not and nothing you do makes any difference.
No, I mean being misunderstood.
@@TheHolisticPsychologist I ended up understanding what you meant and edited my comment accordingly. Thank you for replying :)
I struggle with accepting being misunderstood as well. I noticed that in the moment I adopt this black or white thinking: either they agree with me and I am validated, or they disagree with me and I am not validated. There is a third option however where they disagree with me and I still validate my feelings and experiences. I think self-validation and self-esteem are crucial in this matter.
Nicole could you please make a video (if you haven’t already) on what to do when you need external validation?
@@sashamotovylets1753 I don’t know if you have already tackled this issue but I have found that it comes from something called emotional dependency.
This is so helpful, and incredibly pertinent. My romantic relationship is evolving as we are finding ourselves to be new people than when we started, and requiring different boundaries. I have struggled so deeply with feeling like we are not “seeing eye to eye“on certain emotional things, not really realizing that my inability to except her difference of opinion to be a reflection on my struggle to validate my own feelings. Thanks for sharing your insight with the world, to understand myself more deeply is such a gift.
This was EXTREMELY helpful. I realize that I have been invested in having a SHARED REALITY w my soon-to-be-ex. And since he is a covert narcissist, that is simply a set-up for CRAZY-Making.I really never even thought of "Practicing" being misunderstood. Wow. New Paradigm for me. Thank you.
I hope the split was smooth and safe!
Thank you so much for this message. I'm going through this right now with my mother and it hurts to realise she doesn't understand why I may be behaving in a certain way (placing boundaries). I'm learning to let go of feeling understood and reminding myself to know my worth regardless of what others believe to be true. Sending so much love 💓💓💓
Wow this is me rn
Just this morning I had on repeat in my head "...oh Lord, please don't let me be misundersood" :) :)
Thank you Dr. Nicole. Your work is invaluable to human evolution- it’s shifting entire paradigms.
Absolutely
This is a great list! I would also add to breathe. Being misunderstood can be really frustrating, and depressing, especially when experienced from those close to us. Bringing attention back onto ourselves, our body can help us navigate the emotions that come up when experiencing being misunderstood. 😌
I feel so understood after watching this 😂🤪 but really, it will be helpful to be able to keep boundaries knowing that being misunderstood is not only ok but it's to be expected.
Thank you! Reminds me of all your shares about emotional maturity being equal to accepting that everyone is not going to think, feel, and believe as we do! 💙
We started setting boundaries with my mother in law about a year ago. She became angry and resentful towards us and blamed me although my husband was doing most of the direct communication. The people-pleaser in me feels so guilty about it still, although this is the best thing for us and has been freeing in so many ways. I think a lot of it comes down to us (and our boundaries) being misunderstood, and I have a hard time with that. Thank you for this video it was extremely helpful to us ❤️
Watched this with my husband , we acted out s great example of being misunderstood while he was trying to work out why you would want to practice being misunderstood:)
I just found your videos a few weeks ago and I cannot tell you how helpful they have been to my current life situation. I don't think anything else actually has been so practical and useful to me for where I'm at right now thank you so much for making these videos!
This is perfectly relevant to my experience tonight. I’m struggling with what may be the dissolution of a long-term relationship... after years of feeling misunderstood. It’s like everything is in many layers that have been compounded. It’s complicated and painful. And of course when I reflect on the conflict that escalated tonight, it began with me feeling deeply and carelessly misunderstood (blame being placed on me, being called selfish for what I feel are my own necessary boundaries).
I feel I may need many lessons on this.
“C” How to praCtice being misunderstood. Nobody’s perfect but you’re close as they get. Love your videos & can’t wait to start my new book “How to Do the Work.”
Thank you! I’ve been practicing this this year & I have to say it is incredibly freeing! I have not known true understanding until my husband, & this has made it easier that others don’t understand me. In 2020, the people pleaser/parent pleaser in me doesn’t have a say anymore.
I wish I could too
Being misunderstood can be profoundly painful, even traumatic in some situations. Thank you♡
I'm currently experiencing this for the first time, or I guess, being so affected for being misunderstood for the first time.
I'm considered by my friends, family and former colleagues as a patient, kind and helpful person. That's who I am and I always strive to be my kindest version. However, now that I have a new job in a management position, my peers see me as difficult and sometimes rude. I don't know how to deal with it. It's never been a problem before. I'm always watching my tone, my expressions, everything, but it is never enough with these people. I'm struggling, really.
Thank you for your help 🙏
Experiencing that right now with a colleague. Really trying hard to accept the situation as it is, know that everything will happen as it should and that whatever happens, I'll be okay.
I am going through a massive healing journey now and found this video at just the right time! Thank you so much.
me too! this video was spot on
This was a great reminder of the harsh truths in life. I needed this. To first accept it, and find a way to let go.
Could you PLEASE do a detailed video on:
1. Abandonment issues.
2. Feeling as though you have not belonged (since finding out the truth that your mom that raised you your entire life is NOT your biological mom) within your immediate family if both of your biological parents abandoned you at birth and you were raised by your biological mom’s aunt.
3. How does it affect a child growing up without any affection from your single adopted mother as well no communication in life between the two of you?
4. If a daughter and single mother were their entire life codependent on each other (the mom always making the decisions for the child growing up and being extremely controlling, opinionated and many times manipulative), how does ALL of this affect the child once their single mom dies?
5. How can a person resolve for good and finally heal from their past abandonment issues and mental problems?
Thank you very much for everything you do to help people like me resolve their past problems.
wow... changing the world and my life one video and text message at a time. love you so much Dr. Nicole, so so much love to you.
I'm experiencing that people don't like it when you set boundaries and I'm having to deal with the backlash. I am learning that I don't have to explain myself, that I don't need other's validation or approval, I am okay with being misunderstood. What I am realizing is that what's really important for me on my journey is that I no longer betray or abandon myself in order to not rock the boat. For me betraying or abandoning myself looks like saying yes when I really want to say no. Growth is challenging but also very empowering.
I can see with shared reality, there can certainly be an over involvement in others lives. We can be there for others but cant do the work for them! Radical acceptance keeps that separation. There is no right and wrong. Everyone is on their own journey. Love one another!
Extremely helpful and so well presented! You have such a gift in conveying things in such a calm and loving way. Wishing you a magnificent day! 😊✨✨
Observation: theres a shift that comes from regular practice
where ur priorities change from trying so hard to be understood by others...
To taking more time to accept being misunderstood
...What a intensely connective energy shift!
Truly a healthy exercise for the spirit
Thank you for this video💗 I feel misunderstood a lot and it is very frustrating sometimes. This is one of the main practices that i want to do in 2020💪
With you there ❤️
Nicole! Thanks so much! This video is the answer to me. I feel blessed by now. I don't know how to repay your kindness, but I will give you my prayers Nicole. So again, thanks so much!!
I needed this so much! I am facing some old wounds with someone who regularly crosses my boundaries in a therapy session today 💜 Thank you!!!!!!!
I just want to thankyou so much for your content. Your words are medicine to me, I'm healing myself, and I'm so thankful, I watch a different video of yours every night before I go to sleep, knowing your knowledge and guidance has resonated and helped me, I sleep better and I think better. I dont have any other support. You are a gift, I'm so incredibly grateful for your existence.
Coming from a Catholic upbringing, I struggled a lot early on in my recovery with black and white either or thinking. It took a long time to be more understanding and flexible. To accept there are Grey areas. Can you do more on tolerating and separating different realities please? I appreciate your work.
This is exactly exactly exactly what I needed to hear today. My desire to be understood really drives a good portion of my thoughts and behaviors. And Yes boundaries are big theme for me. I’ve realized on deep level I’m the only one responsible for upholding my boundaries and can’t depend on others -no matter how much they want to And say/believe they can- to uphold important boundaries in my life for my health. I’m on wholeness/healing journey.
Dr. Nicole, this is so true and on time from me...as I see it it in my personal experience we are all seemingly having different experiences and realities to cope with as well as tolerate. Thanks for the insight.
Wow, way to flip the paradigm! This was extremely helpful.
Thank you Dr. Nicole 🙏❤️
Get outta my head! 😂 No. Seriously, I'm so glad I found your channel. Spooky how your videos pop up and apply exactly to what I'm struggling with. Your channel format is perfect and so easy to process. Thank you. 💜
You rock! This was exactly what I needed to hear today, especially after having some issues this weekend with my SO. Thank you.
Thank you 🙏🏾 your way of conveying ideas and expounding is incredible. Grateful and humbled.
Once again, this video and what you shared adds so much valuuue !! Thank you.
I like how you always stress the "time factor", that it's a practice and it requires time, it allows me to be more patient with myself and go back on track without being too judgmental in the moments where i do not show up.
Question here: anyone has a good recommandation of a book on nutrition ? Seems super important and i realize how much i lack knowledge on that.
Solid advice towards coexistence!! Right on and thank you!
Thank you! You are getting better and better each time you present information to us. I appreciate your hard work! Very helpful! ❤️
Thank you for this!
Going through this right now, with my husband.
Your videos are so helpful. I'm grateful I found them and thank you for the work you do.
Awesome topic! Thank you Dr Nicole. Your energy is amazing and I am loving your book
Wonderful and helpful. You are an excellent communicator. Thank you for this message.
DEFINITELY something I need to practice. Ooooof 😤 thank you so deeply for sharing what you've learned.
When your in a workplace environment. And prenalised due to misunderstanding and effects your whole year at work and then your maternity greviance then it does matter actually as being misunderstood matters to your pay check so it’s not always that simple
This is so good! Thank you for posting this video, it is very helpful for me ❤️
Wow that’s great practical advice. This is something I struggle with and that is a really smart way to look at it. 🎉
Thank you
Bravo!! What a fantastically unique perspective
Returning to this posting. And I appreciate the video even more
Misunderstanding can take place as a form of prejudice also though.. ex: being a single woman? People will think “What’s wrong with you”? Are you gay? “There’s definitely a problem with you”. Etc etc. misunderstanding can be offensive also, it’s how people address their misogynistic, homophobic or racist mindsets.
Oh my goodness - this made so much sense to me. Thank you!!!!!!!
Remember that there are people who are out to hurt you on purpose and trigger you on purpose. If someone says “wow you were really emotional there,” and you think you weren’t, you may feel misunderstood and try to defend yourself, if you think this is a normal human being that you are in a relationship with. But if this is a sociopath who you know is trying to hurt you, it changes the ball game. You might say, with a look of total surprise, “oh, you think?” and walk away. Remember that there are people who are evil enough that they do not want to validate you, so they will say negative things on purpose. It isn’t that they misunderstand you-at all.
Compassion is the key. 💗
Do you think compassion can be like being an 'understanding' person. 🤔
This is unbelievably timely! 💗
Investing my time here on this plane in listening to you. 🙏 helps me on this plane ,dosi do dandy the werefanitos song.
¡La amo señora! Hahaha I love your content and everything that you put out there. Your work is so so so valuable 🙏
This was so incredibly helpful. Thank you
Possibly I for myself now misunderstood the concept, but just today I had an argue with a friend of mine. Different perspectives, everyone expects different things from each other. How do I know how far I should keep up my boundary, and when should I make compromises? Is this all about intuition or could you add some points or hints to these thoughts? Anyways, thanks so much for your valuable inputs.
This is a very timely video. Thanks.
thank you for all your insights...so helpful
happy to see you gaining more and more viewers :) thank you for your growth and that you can share it with us :)
Thank you so much!
Great watch... short and to the point!
Thanks for this video, came at the perfect time. I am struggling with my friendship group and have lost one very long term friend because they did not agree with my choices (food - plant based and target shooting). I am struggling with another friend, finding it very upsetting and isolating I am constantly misunderstood and treated as if I cannot organise my life successfully. Seriously wondering if this is a toxic relationship for me as I feel a constant state of anxiety or annoyance around this person. But the other part of me is scared of my friendship group diminishing.
Thank you 🙏 blessings
Thank you for these videos.
Thank you again 😁 needed to come back for another dose🙂
Thank you for these gems wisdom.
Very good message thank you Dr.
Absolutely affirm this video. Thank you!
Loved the subject!!!!!thank you 🌻🌼🌸💐🌷
This is so important!! I 1st learned about Radical Acceptance when I learned DBT. It really shook me when my loved ones pushed back on the new me. The need for understanding and acceptance was so crucial for me but when I took a step back, I realized as long as I understand and accept myself that's really the only thing that matters. Once I'm on solid ground with this I teach others how to treat me. It's ok to be in a different perspective. I like to use the phrase...let's agree to not agree on xyz......this is a practice and takes time. Love your supportive posts and advice❤
Thank you!!! 💗✨💗✨
Thank you!
Do you have a part 2 where you describe what to do next when you see there are 2 different realities and they do not use boundaries?
Why do we or should we want to be misunderstood and not understood. I want to be understood. Right?
I always love your videos. And I feel this is so applicable these days. I feel, just like men will never know what it’s like to be a woman, some white people will never understand our experience of being black. I and so many of my black friends feel so misunderstood right now. So is it up to us to practice radical acceptance and just accept that they may never get it and just lack the desire to have empathy for our cause? Just a thought I had while watching this.
if we are misunderstanding another do we just flip the questions? mypartner feels misunderstood and is triggered by that from explaining himself in childhood
Great question. And me too. I grew up being praised for my verbal skills, and subsequently learned that if I am not understood...it’s my fault and I have to try harder.
And when I cannot understand another...it’s still my fault.
So reversing the questions and asking/observing myself re: what’s underneath my own misunderstanding. Judgments? Assumed meanings? Etc.
Great stuff to add to a toolbox and patiently practice.
@@canopenerboy Great insight from both of you. I was also the "perfectionist communicator" growing up, like you, Keith. And in return, I have been in many friendships and relationships in which I am expected (and try very hard to) mind-read. It's not only impossible, it's not fair to ourselves. Others also need to define their realities and boundaries to create a safe relationship experience.
Every misunderstanding is an opportunity for self-reflection. I think what may be missing in this video is the degree to which you are misunderstood and the "fight" for clarity. I think this video is speaking specifically to the misunderstandings that leave us feeling like crazy people - when you are at a standstill and you feel like your view is being entirely dismissed. In effect, we're fighting to keep those people from doing to us what we are trying to do to them (convert their view).
I feel like before you get to that standstill point, there is an opportunity to have a meaningful conversation - you can say, "When you say X, I take it to mean (put it in your own words). Is that indeed what you meant?" If you're way off the mark - what a gift. It can open up a world of self-reflection, and even closeness (if the other person is a "safe" person for you). Dr. Nicole does other work where she describes our triggers as "feeling the story of ____", and how that may distort our views. Super interesting stuff, and I highly suggest following her instagram if you haven't already. She's incredible.
everyday i feel that my feelings are not validated in the relationship with my partner and with my mom... therefore , i feel misunderstood... how can i aproach this feeling?
Does this relate to your relationships with people you work with ?
I LOVE you ❤️💕
Very helpful, thank you
Thank you
❤❤great video
How to heal impulse control issues?
Ahhhhh. So good! I love you.
Thank u for that perfect video
Your videos are so cool. Very unique content
Why would anyone want to feel misunderstood
Dr. NICOLE thank u for ur video n inspiration.. I feel the call to study this holistic psychology to help other N myself. Are you doing private session or have an online course? I come from strict Italian family, I am 33 n still struggling with depression N need of recognition.. I spent the past 16years traveling, probably running from facing deep shadow, putting myself 100%at service helping others in slum in India, in México, in Palestine.. I saw more than 1psycology in Italy but they are only focus on the mind ignoring the emotions N family conditioning. Can you help or suggest someone please??
Check the description of the video, her Instagram, and her self healers circle. Everything is availible if you want it.
Hi Nicole☺💙🌟
Great Great video
Gold
Can i just point out missing c in the word practice 😀🙏💛 any one else noticed.....