Avoid not,never etc. (i.e-"not reactive" in your case) You can instead say "I am responsive, I'm safe from overreacting or I always keep myself away from overreacting"
I’ve always reacted, but now, I write a text back in my notes. By the time I edit it (retired English teacher!), it’s better, shorter, and sometimes I don’t send it at all. It’s helped my Chatty-Kathy-ness!
I do this A LOT!! I write a HUGE reply and by the time I’m done this little mental note pops into my mind that asks me “is this really necessary?” And most of the time my answer is “no” sometimes I will answer back with “not really, but it makes me feel better!” To which the voice inside my head will reply “but will it really?!” And that really puts things into perspective for me because it really won’t make me feel better. It also helps me realize that I just wasted all of that time, effort and negative energy on something that didn’t really matter anyways and helps remind me not to do it again the next time I get triggered.
Yes!!!!! I think about this a lot. And presence is observation without judgment (for everything). It's the only way to tap into our highest self. The adult self that is supposed to be running the show!! Not easy, but oh so necessary.
@@CelinaBelizan345 Exactly. It requires a tremendous amount of attention and watchfulness, every twist of thought must be observed. the very act of observing must be observed too. As you have said, It is not easy.
I am emotionally reactive and this is pretty much the only thing about myself that has been the most difficult for me master. I'm an otherwise great partner and a good person, but my emotional reactivity has causes a lot of hurt to others. My words can be vicious, unfair and sharp. This has meant years of awareness, then connecting the triggers, understanding the emotions and feelings, and then implementing change. The latter has been so, so hard for me to do and I still fall back. And then the guilt/shame sets in, which feels much worse. I echo everyone else's sentiments - thank you for the reminder that these things take time, especially if one has lived this way all their lives.
Have you made any progress since writing this? I am feeling powerless to overcome my reactivity which seems to operate on an instant, instinctual level.
@@mookymookymooo I totally resonate with your statement. I've made progress *and* continue to have to stay mindful when I'm feeling triggered. What really works best for me is to pause and give myself space, and not make any decisions/responses until I can access my wise mind. I still don't get it right all the time. The awareness is so key.
I wish I’d had this video a few months ago before a big fight with a close friend. If I’d known what I know today I wouldn’t have said what I did. I’m ashamed of the way I acted and I hope I get to apologize and own up to what I said someday.
@@blueshoes915 Shame is very helpful. Teaches us lessons about what we don't want to do in the future. The trick is to learn to accept the shame, embrace the lesson, and forgive ourselves. Very hard to do.
Make the situation work FOR YOU. This is an opportunity. This fight was an opportunity. It happened for a reason. Your job is to figure out what the gift is. Does that make sense? If you stick to that then there is nothing that you can't do.
I'm doing the work on boundaries. So I'm reading the recommended book 'not nice' and I'm really trying to not be 'nice' and put myself first and reduce social anxiety. So I'm communicating more and also trying my best to put myself first but I often find myself avoiding sitting with my family members when many of them get together and especially when my dad is present because my dad has a history of criticizing. He's a narcissist. And I'm scared of him since childhood. I love that you said it's a process and we have to be kind with ourself since it's not easy to create new patterns. The hardest thing I feel right now is to speak up for myself in front of dad (since I'm very scared of him even though I've studied narcissism), I'm working on it and trusting the process.
It’s been a while since this comment but I’m hoping you found your inner strength and spoke up. But even if you didn’t, that’s okay, there’s still time for change, as long as you put your mind into it.
This sort of behaviour regrettably has caused my partner to leave me, particularly regarding jealousy - I would react which in turn caused panic and anxiety attacks for her. There is still a sliver of hope for us, and while I’m doing this work for me - I’m grateful for videos like this that show we all can struggle with it.
I have autism & having a meltdown was a reaction for me, to the point where I was spending about equal time verbal & nonverbal. I finally found myself in a season where I felt safe enough to begin pausing & being able to choose a healthier response. It's still a process, but I'm a year free of autistic meltdowns! Having the choice to respond is so empowering.
I’ve always heard that it’s better to respond rather than react, but I heard something yesterday that stuck home for me “not everything you see and hear really needs your response” which reminds us that we still have a choice in how/if we even respond especially with things that negatively trigger us even after we came down and reflect on what happened.
Communication and boundaries. Communicating these boundaries. “I need space right now to gather myself”-stating your needs. You have the right to remove yourself from any situation just like you do on a cell phone. The other person may not like it, but that’s on them and you dont owe them an immediate reaction or response, despite what we’ve been trained to do in our society. You owe it to yourself to show up for yourself in whatever way you can. If it’s a close person or you feel comfortable sharing feelings, you can even state that you feel triggered and need a moment.
another suggestions, say: - let’s take a break (i’d use this one if both people are agitated) - give me a few minutes alone and i’ll get back to you - i feel angry right now and i need some time to calm down and be able to respond
It seems so logical to say, just walk away and make that space when someone's in your face pushing your buttons. But in reality in this situation the reflexive, unhelpful reaction (in my case anger) explodes out before I even have a chance to consider walking away. How can I bridge this crucial gap?
I needed this today. Thankful that I found your work! My reactions are so deep rooted in old trauma, fear, and anxiety about pushing others away. This video reminded me that I can sit with my feelings, and that it will take time to reprogram and not feel to triggered all the time. Thank you ❤️
Just what I need. One guru told me to respond to things, not react. It's been on my mind, but I didn't undertand it completely. Thank you very much. Please keep bringing more detailed videos like this... Much love ✨
Right! so helpful. Now I decide, before I even look at the phone to not feel the need to do anything immediately. Certain people trigger us. Often later when I re-read emails and texts its more neutral. Thank you!
Thank you so much, a great reminder for anyone on their own journey. Your content has helped me change my life, and I’m honored to share a name with you! 🥰✨
Has been a very predominant theme these past few weeks. Thank you soooo much for this video, and this amazing community. Will be adding some new affirmations thanks to the shares on here!
You made your presentation humane and realistic by emphasizing, compassionately, that it will take time and to expect to return from time to time to our "old reaction ways." To forgive ourselves when we do. This is hard work, changing to response from react. So thank you for implying that changes do not occur over night. I must admit, I am feeling "drama fatigue" in having to deal with people with deep seeded issues. Hats off to people who have the "it factor" in dealing effectively with complicated people. Canada during covid (-_-)
Thank you so much... I have wanted to change but just didn't understand how to do it. Now that I am a mom I am triggered so much. I have to heal I dont want to be my mother but find myself repeating her behavior
I have two kids, we watch Sesame Street sometimes and this is literally what they teach on so many of the episodes. You're Sesame Street for adults. XD thank you.
Really struggling with reacting and hurting my partner and best friend badly. I make my emotions so loud and they’re both empaths so they take on my negative emotions and it sucks. I’m going to watch this video probably every day lol
I have struggled with the same thing a lot this past year with my partner! I too am going to watch this every day lol my subconscious will absorb this info!!
This exact thing happens to me too, and I can tell you, it will slow down with time as you build a muscle memory for the responding instead of reacting. However I did indulge in my old patterns very recently and it seemed to click my friend off- the one who had been keeping their patience with me. They said they are no longer willing to keep going this way, and I’m feeling really ashamed and devastated, I don’t know how to bring them back.
Dear Dr. LePera, Hello from Hanoi, Vietnam! I can't start telling you how much I admire your work and what you do to guide people through their healing journey. Awareness is key to change the world! THANK YOU. It's my friend's birthday soon and we are HUGE fans of yours. Your content has helped us so much. I want to buy your book for him! Is there any way I could get an autographed copy?! I know this may be difficult but I really want to do something extra special for his birthday.
Loved this video. One of my favorite quotes from Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
I do react so much on other’s mood Nd certainly I’ve acknowledged that it’s not just making myself down also creating bad impression to others about me. For example, my fiancé tell me that you’re stupid, or you don’t understand well, by reacting whatever he said to me I’m just allowing him to make myself down Nd increase my temper which could make my relationship worsen than I’ve ever think off. In other hand if I take time Nd say to myself that I know who I’m so nothing to react about! Then that person will say sorry by himself Bcz those words have no control over me. So, better to respond wise way or take time to cool down rather than reacts on things. 🙌Everything I said here from my own experience. So, guys don’t take it personally.🙂
This is such a hard thing for me. Especially at the workplace where there is a lot of verbal abuse and bullying. Makes me want to fight back. I hold it in then overreact if I'm having a bad day. But I'm older now and working toward this goal and doing better.
I know how you feel I get that from angry customers not helped by having less sleep. I have to deal with noisy toddler robbing me of sleep. If you could change jobs. Stoicism states not to care of other people's opinions because this can't be controlled.
That sounds like a toxic work environment and I sincerely hope you report that to HR or to your manager if the manager isn't the one that's being verbally abusive
I think about this a lot, it's such a valuable tool. Another layer i've added to it is to take this methodology and apply it to myself, to my thoughts and inner dialogue. My mind can go into such a rabbit hole, literally with no external triggers... my mind and inner dialogue can be my own worst enemy. Just some sort of thought structure / though process I developed where my mind has a tendency to work against me. It's been for as long as I can remember. I feel like it's almost another person, a sort of robotic reactionary voice within myself. But i'm practicing how to respond to it with logic rather than emotional reaction just like I would with another person. Responding can also be just letting it go.
I just accidentally hit the dislike button. I‘ve been curious how those dislikes happen on rockstar videos like these. This is AMAZING. Thank you for sharing ✨💛🌞
There is one situation that comes up. Not very often. There is not even a thought or any space before the reaction in this particular situation. Since it comes up maybe 3 or 4 times a year, it is a challenge to prep for it. It's happened 2x this year. This past Fri it happened for the 2nd time. It's like an automatic, hard drive, how did I get here reaction. Let's say 95% of my responses are just that, responses. Definitely have work to do in this one situation. BUT I get to practice forgiving myself. And that is sometimes a challenge. Thank you soooo much for your videos, they are extremely helpful.
Came across human design chart, and found out that my crown and throat chalkra were causing issues in my life, and how my solar plexus and sacral are defined, and how I finally started understanding intuition, and heal my emotions, it has told me that I am better at responding rather than (re)acting on things. And responding takes a lot of emotional control, and has literally been what I’ve been trying to realize and why chaos was in my life. Recently completed a very long meditation, and finally connected with this inner power with in that was off balance.
See so much of this on a collective level right now across the world but especially in the USA with so much rioting and violence and emotive judgment. It's sad to see.
Some form of response is not to say anything back at all. It’s not in avoidance type of way. Part of the objective process is to not to respond to certain comments you just need to acknowledge. Some are said to provoke so by not responding is a way to show that you are not engaging in conflict.
Dear Nicole can you recommend a book that will help us to understand deeper differences between reaction and responding? I will appreciate it! Love your videos ❤️
I came here from the "Nervous System Reset" video, which was in my recommendations. I instantly hooked into your (it's hard to describe)... way of speaking? Presentation? Personality? Definitely your personality :-) At least the part that you graciously let us see here. Now this gem of advice for a...problem I am currently struggling with in every day life (unfortunately the job and not a text message). AND I found out that you will be releasing a book, which I feel might help me tremendously. In over half a year's time! I will be following your channel and start working though some of the exercises and let the concepts sink in. I feel the need to develop. To let go of a lifetime of reactionary habits. Thank you. Kind regards from Germany.
A recent difficult interaction brought me here. When you react, you're actually REACTING the thing that's happening. (screaming when others are screaming an easy example). So very thankful for finding your video. It's a sweet wow for me. I looked through lots of other videos on this topic. Yours is superb. I will be watching this all week. Things need to be cleared. For 50 years, this is what I know is the way to be in life. I sometimes do react, we all do....but I know the difference, indeed. Thank you!
I used to be very shy and afraid to offend others, so I never responded or reacted out, only inside my head. Not eaven when they were the ones being rude to me. This gave me anxiety because I blamed myself for being such a coward and not responding, not defending myself! This last year something has happened, I’ve lashed out to people several times, in a not nice way, shaming myself and my family! I feel bad afterwards for being in a total reactive mode! How can I find a balance between these two behaviours? 😥
Why does implementing these tools and responding when in an argument or conflict, allow me too feel off and feel wrong? Because I’m conditioned to being reactive?
I feel the same way- it's like, some deep thing inside of me is not being satisfied, and it feels like a huge... letdown? maybe? to not give in to the reaction and instead to respond, defuse, calm things down. I think you are right that it is about getting that "hit" of the emotional reaction you have been conditioned to, where you get all worked up and pissed off, ranting, etc. It can feel quite anti-climactic to respond when you are used to reacting. Emotional addiction cycles are real.
🐞💛You are such a life saver. Thank you for being brave and for being you, and for putting out this vital content especially in a time that needs this insight more then ever to heal; and that starts individually with each of us. I was a train wreck and couldn’t have done it without the your tools you have provided.
Thank you Nicole, this is really helpful. This exact thing happens to me too, and I can tell you, it will slow down with time as you build a muscle memory for the responding instead of reacting. However I did indulge in my old patterns very recently and it seemed to click my friend off- the one who had been keeping their patience with me. They said they are no longer willing to keep going this way, and I’m feeling really ashamed and devastated, I don’t know how to bring them back.
I have a question, is not necesarilly about this topic in particular but Im curious if there's any advice you could give me at least to start understanding this part of myself. Why is it that I ALWAYS want to be somewhere else? If im at home, im thinking I should be at the office, if im at the office, i want to be home... and so on. I think the only place I dont want to be somewhere else is when im skating :)... Any notes on that please?
I’ve watched a zillion of these videos, and I have a question that is just not being answered. I react in a favorable way to things I find favorable in an “immediate knee-jerk habit-based way of interacting” to quote you directly. Is this something I should not do? 🤷🏾🤣
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 KJV
Growth is when you don’t react to the things you use to and it takes practice.
Got that right.
It absolutely takes practice!
This has literally been an affirmation for me this month "I am responsive, not reactive"
"I observe. I don't absorb."
That is a GOOD one!
Avoid not,never etc. (i.e-"not reactive" in your case) You can instead say "I am responsive, I'm safe from overreacting or I always keep myself away from overreacting"
@@fai411 thanks for that jewel 💛💫
lovely. 😍
I’ve always reacted, but now, I write a text back in my notes. By the time I edit it (retired English teacher!), it’s better, shorter, and sometimes I don’t send it at all. It’s helped my Chatty-Kathy-ness!
I do this A LOT!! I write a HUGE reply and by the time I’m done this little mental note pops into my mind that asks me “is this really necessary?” And most of the time my answer is “no” sometimes I will answer back with “not really, but it makes me feel better!” To which the voice inside my head will reply “but will it really?!” And that really puts things into perspective for me because it really won’t make me feel better. It also helps me realize that I just wasted all of that time, effort and negative energy on something that didn’t really matter anyways and helps remind me not to do it again the next time I get triggered.
Great video as always. As J.Krishnmaurti, said "The highest form of intelligence is to observe yourself without judgment"
Thank you
Yes!!!!! I think about this a lot. And presence is observation without judgment (for everything). It's the only way to tap into our highest self. The adult self that is supposed to be running the show!! Not easy, but oh so necessary.
@@CelinaBelizan345 Exactly. It requires a tremendous amount of attention and watchfulness, every twist of thought must be observed. the very act of observing must be observed too. As you have said, It is not easy.
I absolutely love how you always remind us that change takes time, it's not overnight ❤️
so, so important to fully internalize this truth.
This is timely for me. I have recognized that I do react when I feel triggered and am learning how to pause before I do so.
I am emotionally reactive and this is pretty much the only thing about myself that has been the most difficult for me master. I'm an otherwise great partner and a good person, but my emotional reactivity has causes a lot of hurt to others. My words can be vicious, unfair and sharp. This has meant years of awareness, then connecting the triggers, understanding the emotions and feelings, and then implementing change. The latter has been so, so hard for me to do and I still fall back. And then the guilt/shame sets in, which feels much worse.
I echo everyone else's sentiments - thank you for the reminder that these things take time, especially if one has lived this way all their lives.
Have you made any progress since writing this? I am feeling powerless to overcome my reactivity which seems to operate on an instant, instinctual level.
@@mookymookymooo I totally resonate with your statement. I've made progress *and* continue to have to stay mindful when I'm feeling triggered. What really works best for me is to pause and give myself space, and not make any decisions/responses until I can access my wise mind. I still don't get it right all the time. The awareness is so key.
💯💯💯 I’m practicing everyday to pause before making decisions when my energy changes!!!
I wish I’d had this video a few months ago before a big fight with a close friend. If I’d known what I know today I wouldn’t have said what I did. I’m ashamed of the way I acted and I hope I get to apologize and own up to what I said someday.
Juan Garcia 💕I’m sure you will. Forgive yourself. Shame is never helpful.
@@blueshoes915 Shame is very helpful. Teaches us lessons about what we don't want to do in the future. The trick is to learn to accept the shame, embrace the lesson, and forgive ourselves. Very hard to do.
Juan Garcia so go tell them just that...
Make the situation work FOR YOU. This is an opportunity. This fight was an opportunity. It happened for a reason. Your job is to figure out what the gift is. Does that make sense? If you stick to that then there is nothing that you can't do.
I hope you’re doing OK these days
"Responding is where we get choice"---this blew my mind. We do have a choice in the way we respond to the world around us.
"pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
I'm doing the work on boundaries. So I'm reading the recommended book 'not nice' and I'm really trying to not be 'nice' and put myself first and reduce social anxiety. So I'm communicating more and also trying my best to put myself first but I often find myself avoiding sitting with my family members when many of them get together and especially when my dad is present because my dad has a history of criticizing. He's a narcissist. And I'm scared of him since childhood. I love that you said it's a process and we have to be kind with ourself since it's not easy to create new patterns. The hardest thing I feel right now is to speak up for myself in front of dad (since I'm very scared of him even though I've studied narcissism), I'm working on it and trusting the process.
It’s been a while since this comment but I’m hoping you found your inner strength and spoke up. But even if you didn’t, that’s okay, there’s still time for change, as long as you put your mind into it.
This sort of behaviour regrettably has caused my partner to leave me, particularly regarding jealousy - I would react which in turn caused panic and anxiety attacks for her. There is still a sliver of hope for us, and while I’m doing this work for me - I’m grateful for videos like this that show we all can struggle with it.
I have autism & having a meltdown was a reaction for me, to the point where I was spending about equal time verbal & nonverbal. I finally found myself in a season where I felt safe enough to begin pausing & being able to choose a healthier response. It's still a process, but I'm a year free of autistic meltdowns! Having the choice to respond is so empowering.
... There's no such thing as schizophrenia and autism....
Thank you! Indeed, it is a practice!
I’ve always heard that it’s better to respond rather than react, but I heard something yesterday that stuck home for me “not everything you see and hear really needs your response” which reminds us that we still have a choice in how/if we even respond especially with things that negatively trigger us even after we came down and reflect on what happened.
What if the conflict goes on in person and not through text? How do I establish the space I need to respond?
Excellent question. I'd also love to know how to cope with this.
Communication and boundaries. Communicating these boundaries. “I need space right now to gather myself”-stating your needs. You have the right to remove yourself from any situation just like you do on a cell phone. The other person may not like it, but that’s on them and you dont owe them an immediate reaction or response, despite what we’ve been trained to do in our society. You owe it to yourself to show up for yourself in whatever way you can. If it’s a close person or you feel comfortable sharing feelings, you can even state that you feel triggered and need a moment.
@@Jocelyn_Jade Thank you so much!
another suggestions, say:
- let’s take a break (i’d use this one if both people are agitated)
- give me a few minutes alone and i’ll get back to you
- i feel angry right now and i need some time to calm down and be able to respond
It seems so logical to say, just walk away and make that space when someone's in your face pushing your buttons. But in reality in this situation the reflexive, unhelpful reaction (in my case anger) explodes out before I even have a chance to consider walking away. How can I bridge this crucial gap?
I needed this today. Thankful that I found your work! My reactions are so deep rooted in old trauma, fear, and anxiety about pushing others away. This video reminded me that I can sit with my feelings, and that it will take time to reprogram and not feel to triggered all the time. Thank you ❤️
Just what I need. One guru told me to respond to things, not react. It's been on my mind, but I didn't undertand it completely. Thank you very much. Please keep bringing more detailed videos like this... Much love ✨
I have watched this video everyday day for a week and I know it’s helped me a lot. I’m definitely improving by responding skills
The pause... So challenging, so powerfully important!
Right! so helpful. Now I decide, before I even look at the phone to not feel the need to do anything immediately. Certain people trigger us. Often later when I re-read emails and texts its more neutral. Thank you!
!!
Thank you so much, a great reminder for anyone on their own journey. Your content has helped me change my life, and I’m honored to share a name with you! 🥰✨
Hey Nicole! I'm so happy to hear this. Much appreciation
I like your style. Interesting how we need this information. A friend sent me here.
So easy said then done but I’m going to breath , breath breath 💫💛💛💛
THIS is huge, something I need to overcome. Thank you! Thank you!
E GADZ, this is essential! I cannot thank you enough for bringing this up! I really really NEED this tool.
Pure gold ✨
Has been a very predominant theme these past few weeks. Thank you soooo much for this video, and this amazing community. Will be adding some new affirmations thanks to the shares on here!
You made your presentation humane and realistic by emphasizing, compassionately, that it will take time and to expect to return from time to time to our "old reaction ways." To forgive ourselves when we do. This is hard work, changing to response from react. So thank you for implying that changes do not occur over night. I must admit, I am feeling "drama fatigue" in having to deal with people with deep seeded issues. Hats off to people who have the "it factor" in dealing effectively with complicated people. Canada during covid (-_-)
Thank you so much... I have wanted to change but just didn't understand how to do it. Now that I am a mom I am triggered so much. I have to heal I dont want to be my mother but find myself repeating her behavior
Thank you for all that you share.
Really appreciate and grateful for you and the work you do.
Thank you I definitely relate! Practice, practice and practice! Namaste! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for letting me do the work. 😭
Thank you ♥
Your videos and your content on insta have been really helpful for me. Thankyou❤ Lots of love and light to you.
Incredible content. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this, I just recieved your email and it couldnt of came at a better time
Excellent! Thank you.
Hi Nicole,
I heard you on an old Andy Frisella podcast. Appreciate the work that you do and the value that you give. Thank you.
Hey! Thanks so much for listening.
"I observe. I don't absorb."
I have two kids, we watch Sesame Street sometimes and this is literally what they teach on so many of the episodes. You're Sesame Street for adults. XD thank you.
Really struggling with reacting and hurting my partner and best friend badly. I make my emotions so loud and they’re both empaths so they take on my negative emotions and it sucks. I’m going to watch this video probably every day lol
I have struggled with the same thing a lot this past year with my partner! I too am going to watch this every day lol my subconscious will absorb this info!!
This exact thing happens to me too, and I can tell you, it will slow down with time as you build a muscle memory for the responding instead of reacting. However I did indulge in my old patterns very recently and it seemed to click my friend off- the one who had been keeping their patience with me. They said they are no longer willing to keep going this way, and I’m feeling really ashamed and devastated, I don’t know how to bring them back.
Thank you for this beautiful 🥰👏🏽👏🏽
I’ve used these same exact words in relationships. Such an important skill!
Yes! I do too! Dont know why this isnt required learning!
Love this ... been working on it so much lately!
Dear Dr. LePera,
Hello from Hanoi, Vietnam! I can't start telling you how much I admire your work and what you do to guide people through their healing journey. Awareness is key to change the world! THANK YOU.
It's my friend's birthday soon and we are HUGE fans of yours. Your content has helped us so much. I want to buy your book for him! Is there any way I could get an autographed copy?!
I know this may be difficult but I really want to do something extra special for his birthday.
Thank you 🍀❤️
ouh man I am always thinking and "choosing" in my head and then I just react, because its easier.
Just Love your work and techniques. Thank you for this❤️
Loved this video. One of my favorite quotes from Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
I do react so much on other’s mood Nd certainly I’ve acknowledged that it’s not just making myself down also creating bad impression to others about me. For example, my fiancé tell me that you’re stupid, or you don’t understand well, by reacting whatever he said to me I’m just allowing him to make myself down Nd increase my temper which could make my relationship worsen than I’ve ever think off. In other hand if I take time Nd say to myself that I know who I’m so nothing to react about! Then that person will say sorry by himself Bcz those words have no control over me. So, better to respond wise way or take time to cool down rather than reacts on things. 🙌Everything I said here from my own experience. So, guys don’t take it personally.🙂
Brilliant
This is such a hard thing for me. Especially at the workplace where there is a lot of verbal abuse and bullying. Makes me want to fight back. I hold it in then overreact if I'm having a bad day. But I'm older now and working toward this goal and doing better.
I know how you feel I get that from angry customers not helped by having less sleep. I have to deal with noisy toddler robbing me of sleep. If you could change jobs. Stoicism states not to care of other people's opinions because this can't be controlled.
That sounds like a toxic work environment and I sincerely hope you report that to HR or to your manager if the manager isn't the one that's being verbally abusive
Thank you so much for your advice it's gold
Love this. Thank you sharing ❤️
💖 THANK YOU
Well said
Re-played again, this time to have a close look at your tattoos 😎😜
I think about this a lot, it's such a valuable tool. Another layer i've added to it is to take this methodology and apply it to myself, to my thoughts and inner dialogue. My mind can go into such a rabbit hole, literally with no external triggers... my mind and inner dialogue can be my own worst enemy. Just some sort of thought structure / though process I developed where my mind has a tendency to work against me. It's been for as long as I can remember. I feel like it's almost another person, a sort of robotic reactionary voice within myself. But i'm practicing how to respond to it with logic rather than emotional reaction just like I would with another person. Responding can also be just letting it go.
I just accidentally hit the dislike button. I‘ve been curious how those dislikes happen on rockstar videos like these. This is AMAZING. Thank you for sharing ✨💛🌞
There is one situation that comes up. Not very often. There is not even a thought or any space before the reaction in this particular situation. Since it comes up maybe 3 or 4 times a year, it is a challenge to prep for it. It's happened 2x this year. This past Fri it happened for the 2nd time. It's like an automatic, hard drive, how did I get here reaction. Let's say 95% of my responses are just that, responses. Definitely have work to do in this one situation. BUT I get to practice forgiving myself. And that is sometimes a challenge. Thank you soooo much for your videos, they are extremely helpful.
I just love you💕💕💕💕💕💕
Observe, dont absorb. This helps me as I intentionally take deep breaths and try to detach my emotions.
Reaction is like emotional infflamation, and it is like being awash in adrenaline.
I should copy and paste this comment for every video-Thank you for helping me change my life!
Came across human design chart, and found out that my crown and throat chalkra were causing issues in my life, and how my solar plexus and sacral are defined, and how I finally started understanding intuition, and heal my emotions, it has told me that I am better at responding rather than (re)acting on things. And responding takes a lot of emotional control, and has literally been what I’ve been trying to realize and why chaos was in my life. Recently completed a very long meditation, and finally connected with this inner power with in that was off balance.
See so much of this on a collective level right now across the world but especially in the USA with so much rioting and violence and emotive judgment. It's sad to see.
Omggg im excited for this video cause responding rather than emotionally reacting to things is my goal! And its not always easy lol
Some form of response is not to say anything back at all. It’s not in avoidance type of way. Part of the objective process is to not to respond to certain comments you just need to acknowledge. Some are said to provoke so by not responding is a way to show that you are not engaging in conflict.
Being able to respond is one step closer to obtaining Freewill.
Dear Nicole can you recommend a book that will help us to understand deeper differences between reaction and responding? I will appreciate it! Love your videos ❤️
I came here from the "Nervous System Reset" video, which was in my recommendations. I instantly hooked into your (it's hard to describe)... way of speaking? Presentation? Personality? Definitely your personality :-) At least the part that you graciously let us see here. Now this gem of advice for a...problem I am currently struggling with in every day life (unfortunately the job and not a text message). AND I found out that you will be releasing a book, which I feel might help me tremendously. In over half a year's time! I will be following your channel and start working though some of the exercises and let the concepts sink in. I feel the need to develop. To let go of a lifetime of reactionary habits. Thank you. Kind regards from Germany.
Thank you so helpful 💐🧚♂️🌺
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Respond rather than React
A recent difficult interaction brought me here. When you react, you're actually REACTING the thing that's happening. (screaming when others are screaming an easy example). So very thankful for finding your video. It's a sweet wow for me. I looked through lots of other videos on this topic. Yours is superb. I will be watching this all week. Things need to be cleared. For 50 years, this is what I know is the way to be in life. I sometimes do react, we all do....but I know the difference, indeed. Thank you!
I used to be very shy and afraid to offend others, so I never responded or reacted out, only inside my head. Not eaven when they were the ones being rude to me. This gave me anxiety because I blamed myself for being such a coward and not responding, not defending myself! This last year something has happened, I’ve lashed out to people several times, in a not nice way, shaming myself and my family! I feel bad afterwards for being in a total reactive mode! How can I find a balance between these two behaviours? 😥
Thank you for another great video ❤️ #shared!
Great information. May I suggest 3 before 2 ? thanks again great video!
Been looking for u.. dear holistic psychologist 🙏 love to learn from u
Why does implementing these tools and responding when in an argument or conflict, allow me too feel off and feel wrong? Because I’m conditioned to being reactive?
I feel the same way- it's like, some deep thing inside of me is not being satisfied, and it feels like a huge... letdown? maybe? to not give in to the reaction and instead to respond, defuse, calm things down. I think you are right that it is about getting that "hit" of the emotional reaction you have been conditioned to, where you get all worked up and pissed off, ranting, etc. It can feel quite anti-climactic to respond when you are used to reacting. Emotional addiction cycles are real.
Dissociation can also happen because the anger we observe reminds us of trauma that we observed early on
xo thank u :)
I try so hard, stress and work and exhaustion impair my ability to down regulate
VERY helpful! Thank you!
Thanks madam
This is a very important video. Also, thank you for your transparency.
🐞💛You are such a life saver. Thank you for being brave and for being you, and for putting out this vital content especially in a time that needs this insight more then ever to heal; and that starts individually with each of us. I was a train wreck and couldn’t have done it without the your tools you have provided.
This is my biggest downfall, overreacting. Thanks for the suggestions. I just subscribed, I hope to learn more.
Love this video! So incredibly important to point this out. Thank you 😘 we appreciate all of your hard work and dedication 💙
Thank you Nicole, this is really helpful. This exact thing happens to me too, and I can tell you, it will slow down with time as you build a muscle memory for the responding instead of reacting. However I did indulge in my old patterns very recently and it seemed to click my friend off- the one who had been keeping their patience with me. They said they are no longer willing to keep going this way, and I’m feeling really ashamed and devastated, I don’t know how to bring them back.
I have a question, is not necesarilly about this topic in particular but Im curious if there's any advice you could give me at least to start understanding this part of myself. Why is it that I ALWAYS want to be somewhere else? If im at home, im thinking I should be at the office, if im at the office, i want to be home... and so on. I think the only place I dont want to be somewhere else is when im skating :)... Any notes on that please?
Thank you for posting
Thank you for sharing. I think all of your videos come straight from the heart.
they do, thank you!
I’ve watched a zillion of these videos, and I have a question that is just not being answered. I react in a favorable way to things I find favorable in an “immediate knee-jerk habit-based way of interacting” to quote you directly. Is this something I should not do? 🤷🏾🤣
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20 KJV
You are brillliant !!!
Hi there, thanks for the content. If tou were to do a sequence of your material, which would it be?
Respond to harassment. This is child’s play. When your truly being harassed it’s not rainbows and unicorns.
I wish I would have seen your channel way back 1/15/2004.
#2I5PennsylvaniaGirlLivingInA337LouisianaWorld