7 core emotional needs
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- Опубликовано: 9 июл 2024
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Key Points
00:00 What are emotional needs
01:13 What happens when our needs are met or unmet
01:30 Exploring our 7 core needs
7:00 Reflecting on your own needs
1. A need of belonging. Having a purpose, a sense of meaning, a supportive community.
2. Safety so we can be our authentic selves without feeling harshly judged.
3. Decompression. Privacy, time & space to be quiet, destress, etc.
4. Autonomy. Having a say in our own lives. Need time & slace to make our own choices.
5. Emotional intimacy. The sense of being known by soneone else. Having someone else who is attune to us & who values how we think & feel.
6. Challenge & growth. The need for personal growth via challenges.
7. Self connection.
Ohhh the teacher in you is strong. So is the listener.
@ Have a wonderful day.
Thank you!
Thank you
@@TimothySmith73 Thank you, Mr. Timothy Smith! I love your comment. 😆 I figured, if I'm taking notes for myself, I might as well share, if it could possibly benefit others with hands full. Of course, there is a wonderful chart in the video, but not everyone gets to watch as they listen, so glad my little list helped somebody. God Bless. Take care of you & yours! Thanks for making me smile! 😁 💕🙏🏼🕊️
@@TeacherMom80
You are welcome!! :)
I like that you made such a clear list. I spent over a decade in therapy, and I've had to discover each one of these separately
I really wish you were my therapist.
Having learned how to improve emotional intimacy with myself has really helped me in regulating my emotions. Learning to be at peace with myself, ( most of the time, )is worth more than gold and diamonds, to me. ❤
If I can regulate and soothe myself, why should I need intimacy with others?
@@TrebizondMusic-cm6fpMaybe it has to do with belonging?
The way my inner voice shockingly responded "emotional needs? We get to have those?" let me know how bad it is over here... Disconnection City
Yes, that is something ive only recently defined in my life.
I don’t feel belonging, safety, decompression, intimacy, and self-connection. I feel so much frustration and resentment. So depressed.
Paula,,, I relate to you...
Same
Same
Same. A lot related to a horrible childhood. So damaging as an adult.
I see you all, you are seen and you are needed in this world. You are loved 💙
I feel frustrated and resentful all the time, as an autistic woman my emotional needs have rarely if ever been met and there is no chance of changing that. I don’t feel belonging, safe, decompression (because god forbid, people control their children and stop abusing them) or intimacy. I feel self connected, autonomous and I challenge myself, but these are all self, the others are external. I can’t control external forces!
I admire you because I feel that you know you can control how you respond or if you react to what I call ‘the idiocy’ surrounding all of us.
Just know that there’s someone out here that believes in you, that admires you, and sends loving kindness to your spirit. ✌️🫶🏼
I feel like I’m a robot learning to human again
That's a great way to put it!
Depersonalization and derealization had controlled me for decades. I'm learning to human again 😁
I feel like I'm just broken beyond repair 😢
Hey, at some point I felt like that too! I think every person that goes to severe trauma does, but the work is worth it. Also, I recommend looking for “Kintsugi” which is a japanese art where they repair broken vases. And they turn out to be even more precious than before, YOU WILL TOO! 🩷🫂
I tried to fill my needs alone as much as allowed
Give yourself time. Be gentle and go slow, you can be healed if you want ❤
@@Ydiventuregroupit's time to find a therapist 🫂🌹
I understand
Wish I'd heard this 40 years ago 😊So important to understand...
I'm isolated most of the time because I have MCS (neurotoxic chemicals are everywhere when I go outside - car fuel smoke/gas, smoker, perfume in the stores and also outside). I love alone time as an infj and my interests and hobbies are too unusual for most people. What helps me is my imagination and love in my imagination and dreaming.
Belonging comes from relationships, frequently interacting with people whom we trust and know closely and who know and trust us, also people with whom we can relate to, be it through common interests or life experiences. Belonging can grow stronger over time as well.
I would categorize it differently than having a life purpose, which is more self-actualizing.
Yes, although after reading Viktor Frankl's works on Logotherapy I can't help but see a strong connection between belonging and self-actualization. He was pointing out that percisely to the extent to which you're focused self-actualizing, percisely to that extent you're unlikely to meet this need. One needs to focus on something greater than himself to get this need met. Frankl was calling that self-transcedence. You need to see yourself as a part of something bigger. You need to belong to something greater and to be aware of that belonging.
Autonomy has been a need I really struggle with, I grew up in a fundie household and so little about a person is left for them to decide and there’s a lot of tension when you grow differently than expected. I don’t know how I’m even going to build a life for myself I feel like the recipe for a perfect mess of a human
I could have written your exact words.
Omg I had none of these growing up, maybe except of some challenge. And I wonder why I'm so fucked up.
I needed this video I’ve been in AZ for almost a year now and I feel like I’m struggling to belong and find friends I’ve found some in my church but my social life is still lagging behind. I do appreciate that you said it’s normal for not all of our needs to be met 100 percent of the time
Another excellent video. I reflect that Im fortunate enough to have most of my emotional needs are met, Im an introvert who is involved with NGOs and has a lover in a long distance relationship .
I hope the other commenters and viewers of this video will be able to get more of their needs met in the near future.
Man, this makes sense to me. ALOT. It did not until now. But it does now.
I understand now more how other's were and are making me feel and me others. Love your videos.
And no I don't. Belong? Nope. Safe? Define that lol. Nope . I am challenged at work. I have not felt any type of intimacy In a while now. Anyone I am interested in has a Significant Other anyhow. No Autonomy. I like to fish and that helps me decompress. So I've been making a point to go more after work. An Hour or so does wonders for me. I have been trying to be far more self aware of my own actions and traits. Keeps what's good. Work on what's not. I keep repeating the same mistakes and that bothers me. Things like my Active Listening Needs more work. Prioritizing things. Etc.
But I am getting there. And I have come a long way. But I now understand alot more why I feel the way I do alot.
Fishing is one of my things, too. I've made good friends fishing.
@@JLakis
Same.
This is that good shit, keep ‘em coming 🙏
I have none of these. Thank you for this education & validation. I hope & work for a different reality!
I live the way she says, 'TODAY' :)))
My home was broken into while I was away. I had to so far replace locks twice. Safety ,not feeling it. My neighbor's and I are getting closer because of break ins and the knowledge that police can only do so much. I feel stressed but the robbers can take all the material stuff they want but not while I'm home. Community, I also made friends with my boyfriends x wife. We all like each other, spend holidays together or family dinners. But I have trouble with commitment to boyfriend ( widow of 36 year marriage). This is exciting to work on automonny, self awareness, stress management... Just breathing!¡!
I can't think of anything to challenge me. I know I need something to do but I just can't think of anything I like. Getting older often feels pointless. Being unwell doesn't help much either. I seem to have the others sorted to a basic level even if not optimum. I like the way you simplify things.
My dog challenges me to get off my butt!
Thank you so much dr Nicole. This is very helpful. Italy here 🖐️🙂
And... In the most cases, we have not good therapists for narcissistic abuse survivors here.
Thank you for this video. It's very helpful to have it laid out like this. You are a gift to us survivors.
Your content is just invaluable. Thanks a lot for all your work!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful and insightful wisdom.
Just yesterday I had the similar conversation with someone.
Thanks for the video ❤
Thank u for doing this!!
Thank you
Your videos have changed my life ❤
Thank you! Your videos are SO informative and helpful. They are always clear and I appreciate the length (less than 10 minutes).
What emotional need is wanting respect? And which emotional need is wanting appreciation?
That’s dignity
I think maybe it's a part of each.
Intimacy
Thinking too deeply, overwhelmed with past and memory, though sentiment or revelations, causes many spare times where action or reaction are still both misplaced. Spending more time recalling and doubting while not knowing where faults are reasoned.
Thank you for this!
thank you for making this video, please make playlists of your videos because it helps us to find your video according to our test
Thank you
I would never thought about myself
Very interesting and, I think, most useful for me
So insightful. Thanks a lot Dr 🙏🏿🙏🏿
Thank you 🙏🏽
Actually this video was heaven sent right on time!!! Recently I saw a post that detailed signs of emotional dependency and I knew I was repeating that pattern but I did not know exactly what my emotional needs were. Now that I know them I can work through them! Thank you so much!!!! 🩷
Thanks so much, Dr. LePara
It's good to see a clear list. I hope this is backed up well; it seems solid. More helpful than just vaguely talking about "needs" without specifying what they are.
Does the order of the list reflect a hierarchy of them? Is the hierarchy different for different personalities, maybe?
Some of us learn as adults that our emotional "needs" aren't welcome - as if they're childish things to put away, now that we're no longer cute. It depends on the environment and the relationship.
Autonomy seems expensive enough that the price for it as an adult is a large portion of safety and intimacy.
Thank you. Very helpful.
Brilliant psychologist 🙏
Hi ok I watched it to the end. At 6:48 How can we have the tools to calm ourselves ? I’d appreciate a video on how we can meet these needs in ourself. I’ve not really anyone in my life that I can talk to or trust to be myself with.
I like Yoga Nidra. It's a guided meditation you do lying down. It helps me ignore the mind chatter, and feel and experience myself and my feelings in a safe and supported way. I like Ally Boothyrod, Amanda Penalaver and Zoe Kanat to name a few.
I desperately need to decompress
❤ excellent video
Please link to the practical steps you mentioned 😊
Listening to this video over and over again, I never do that with other videos 😅
I'm really struggling to meet my needs for belonging and intimacy. I frequently feel so lonely. It's like, where tf is everyone? Does nobody else need togetherness? Am I the only one who enjoys the company of other people and makes an effort? And even when I'm with my friends I feel invisible.
Probably why I prefer animal friends.
I can’t even watch all this. I don’t have these. I never did. 😢
I'm sorry.
@@JLakis thanks 🙏 for being kind 🥰
I only had autonomy (way too much) and challenge in childhood. Now I feel like no one even likes me and I belong no where except alone or with my dog
I feel that i dont have all of that
So if we suffered emotional neglect in childhood these are the needs we really need to work on to get met?
Wow….I feel like NONE of my core needs are met. I must really be screwed up!
1:30 👌👌👌
❤ty
Is there a video about the solutions ?!
❤
I don’t feel my chair belong in my dining table in my home .I feel I am watched all the time as if Iam an odd one out and everything I do is thought of as not so normal than how other people behave and do this is going on for more than 40+ years of arranged marriage.Iam always never myself for fear of being found out to be not like all the others .is this a way to live my every day life?now Iam 64years and I want to live alone even if Iam doing only mundane things in an ordinary life but I can be myself the whole day
Not sure emotional intimacy works as so many people are more likely to not want to understand others.
I dont think my emotional needs were being met in my family once we were going through having lost my 3 yr old brother. Then i was molested around the same time in my life, and i was about 7, i think.
No wonder i developed bpd and boy can i dissociate from sutuatiins all day long if i need to.
Do you ever think 🤔 about opening your practice again?!? Probably not you’re able to reach more ppl this way, you have a larger audience
None of them are being met, and don't care to meet other's needs any longer.
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You're correct!! I make a lot of money without relying on the government. Investing in stocks and digital currencies is beneficial at this moment .
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Honestly, I'm surprised that this mrs Stacey Macken is mentioned here, came across a testimony about her from one of the beneficiaries on the CNBC news, she seems to be doing extremely well.
You trade with Stacey Macken too? Wow that woman has been a blessing to me and my family.
Waking up every 14th of each month to $210,000 it's a blessing to I and my family... Big gratitude to Stacey Macken
I feel like none my needs are met right now 🥹❤️☀️🌙
Thank you