Stop Complaining. It's Abusive and Draining.
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Stop Complaining. It's Abusive and Draining.
Let me clarify that complaining has its place. It has its purpose. It has value. However, many of us complain to a much greater degree than is necessary or helpful. It becomes our default response to difficult people and circumstances in our lives, to the point where there is barely anything else we talk about. When this happens and complaining becomes a never-ending story with us, we become very negative and unpleasant to be around. We become emotionally abusive. Not healthy for us. Not healthy for our relationships. Best we use complaining as a stepping stone to action, and not simply an opportunity to vent our frustration and vomit our rage all over those we come in contact with.
#endtheabuse #positivemindset #abuseawareness #stopcomplaining #mindsetshift #positivity #stopabuse #mentalhealth #selfcare #personaldevelopment #growthmindset #empowerment #inspiration #endthesilence #selflove #healingjourney #spreadpositivity #changestartsnow #supporteachother #togetherwecan
Buy "Forgive To Win!" now for cognitive and spiritual tools for happiness, success, and inner peace: amzn.to/v4Xx1q
Like, Follow & Subscribe !!!
Instagram ▶ / walterdoc
Facebook ▶ / walter.e.jacobson
TikTok ▶ / walter_e_jacobson_md
X (Twitter)▶ / forgivetowin
Website ▶ walterjacobsonm...
💜 Helpful? Do Subscribe ( #Shrink_Bites)
Excellent video. I love it. There's a lot to be said for letting go......and letting go again....and letting go again.
Yes! Thank you!
My sister can complain for half an hour none stop.
I don't talk with her anymore!
You are right, that is abusive!
@Loli Sierra
Same, almost 75% of her talk is complaining
i remember when i say 'hi👋😃' to her she just ignores
Sometimes i caught her staring😐 at me like sus
She blames😠 & points the finger at others too
Suprisingly she has a lower blood🩸 pressure than me tho i avoid negative talking like anger😡 & complaining😠
Maybe🤔 its bcs of the food i eat lol😄
My wife can spend days complaining
Very
Mine is the same. Walked through a village with her recently, real nice. There were two run down, empty houses and she couldn't stop talking about it. Why would I care about those buildings? Why even judge? That's not how walk through this world. I see, I register but I hardly ever form an opinion. Why would I even care having an opinion about some random things I see. Now I do notice nice things and they make me feel good. But why would I dwell on something ugly?
And most times when you are surrounded by complainers all the time, with time, you end up being a complainer too, and then you go on complaining to other people about how the complainers in your life ruined you... and the cycle continues
Factual very factua
LOL this.
My best friend of 12 years WOULD NOT STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SAME STUFF I've already tried addressing the issue with her but she doesn't stop and im seriously contemplating ending my friendship with her. she makes me feel SO TIRED
What did u do? Cuz I'm in a similar situation and I'm drained
@@umchileanywaysso I ended my friendship, last week. Enough!!!
My wife DOES NOT STOP COMPLAINING. Every time I try to talk with her SHE COMPLAINS. She does NOTHING to change things. She just complains.
Trying to figure out a gentle way to share this with my husband. He is a non stop complainer, and it is so draining. I never thought about it being abusive, but it really is! Thank you for your words of wisdom. New subscriber!
My wife is a constant complainer maybe we could swap them 😀😀😀
I hear ya!! My boyfriend compilations about everything in the house- watching the news, if I moved something, if I make a mistake, if I forget something it’s non stop and so draining!!
@@maureentheresa4984 if he’s only your boyfriend it should be easy replace him.
@@michaelwalsh9145is replacing a boyfriend or girlfriend the same as swapping spouses?
@@614GTRjr minus all the legalities and money draining.
This comes to mind...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference"
yes. the serenity prayer. learn that one thing and you just might be home free.
The prayer doesn’t work unless you apply action towards that. It’s not going to magically happen
@@Tazmanian_mma Very true.... I forget who said this off of the top of my head, but "thought without action is empty." Or as it's said in James, "faith without works is dead"
I have a close friend like this and regardless of changing job environments, this person complains incessantly. The same exact complaints as the last position. I realized it isn’t the job, or their partners- they enjoy being miserable
lol are you talking to my boyfriend
I'm currently seeing an airline stewardess. She complains every time I see her. She complains every time we talk on the phone. She complains every time we text. I told her it's not healthy to do so. Her response is this is the way I am. I said well if I started cheating on you, and said well this is the way I am, would you tolerate it?
Run a million miles from her, I’m married to a serial complainer for 32 years, you’ll have a life of hell if you marry her, try and find s’more placid normal woman.
That is my boyfriend I live with and I’ve told him why do I have to hear all your negativity he said I have to verbalize it
@@maureentheresa4984 it’s like they get enjoyment from spewing their complaints. And they get some satisfaction that they lower the vibrations of others. No one should feel the need to subject their “loved ones” to this for relief. It’s not relief it’s just doing more damage so others will feel bad with you. It’s like a sick pleasure that still doesn’t fix what’s wrong with them. You need to get away from him. My mom married the worst complainer in the world and all of us can’t stand him. He is the most miserable person and has zero reason to be. Has a great life, is retired early, owns his modest home and dream car. This is not the kind of man you want to end up with because it can only get worse. He will drain you of your goodness and happiness, he will ruin any good moments as soon as they start to happen. He will tell you mean things about yourself that aren’t true.
Drop her she will make your life Hell
Complainers give me a headache. I am more of a silent person who takes action. But my neighbour is always complaining about trash cans and everything else. Sometimes I wish there was a law that allows me to punch Complainers who do it to much
Aren't you complaining right now tho?! 😂 Just joshing! Just joshing!
@@Astrologyenergy we are allowed to complain about complainers w
😂😂😂
I heard that!
This looks like a mighty fine place to complain about complainers! They suck and they really are abusive. They destroy moments that wound have been nice without them around.
This sums it up really well. They ruin moments that would have been nice without them. One of my closest friends has ruined countless hangouts by complaining at length like I'm their therapist.
love this. people need to seriously stop the victimization. it's the toughest truth to confront but it's also the quickest path to enlightenment.
This is so me... and if I don't complain I still think about the situation all the time. I know it's wrong and I can't help it.
I do it to…but no more! This sweet, succinct message opened my eyes.
I learned a very good lesson.
At least you admit it, that’s a start.
I just told my friend "can u use complaining as a stepping stone to action, and not simply an opportunity to vent frustration because in reality I really don't know what to do, like I can't help you. And its ok to vent but our talks have been full of you venting and its not healthy for you."
She didnt take it well and said "Ok, I'll stop".
Then I replied with "I mean u can vent man but like once in a while maybe and maybe like 3 mins then u have to let it go because youre just building up resentment, anger, and stress basically negativity". I dont like negative energy.
She got offended by what I said and told me she wont bother me. I'm fine with whatever decision she makes and it is all up to her now whether she is willing to solve her complaining issues or not. I think I made a good decision even if it means ending our friendship (if she wants to then im fine with it). At least now she knows one of her flaws and hopefully she can work on that. I hope she's going to be okay.
Good for you! It can be hard to set boundaries but it’s important. Your peace of mind is important and worth protecting. I just had a similar conversation with my cousin and it didn’t go well. I wish her well but I don’t want to be an emotional dumping ground anymore.
Omg I'm such a whinge lately and im taking responsibility to stop myself. Cheers for the video.
Good for you. You can break the cycle. God Bless
I used to tell my ex all the time “You can always talk to me about anything.. just don’t bitch to me”. People can’t just have a conversation anymore they just be so animated, loud and screaming like they have no sense
Finally, someone who makes sense!!! Thank you, thank you!
I cook all of my mothers meals, i deliver each week, when i get the complaining would start…never to me how are you. I used to talk on the phone but it just drains me, and my deliveries are during the week now…and have to get back to work…no time to chat! 🙂 my mother has always been a whiner, which is probably why i prefer to be more stoic and accept what is.
I feel for her, she’s 90, and probably lonely, but i can’t shoulder cooking and being her therapist….i too will be old and lonely, right now at 67 I’m preparing my thinking to accept it, as I’ve accepted the high and lows of every stage of my life.
There is a negative consequence to treating someone like a princess, my mom, because they grow up as their expectation…i was ignored, left alone, not much chatting, book reading to me, or even playing with me….so i thrive in solitude !
I hate it when m someone complains and I offer a solution, and they get mad because they are t looking for a solution but rather for someone to listen.
I'm a silent complainer who figures out that I need to take action, but then you got others that complain so much it drains me and put me in a negative mood
😩 Guess I am not the only one dealing with a draining complainer.
Well said!!! Thought I was not being a supportive co-worker when I have a colleague who complains to me EVERYDAY before work, during work and after work…it was too much for me when I’m trying to make it through the day too. I basically said to her the same thing, nothing will change unless she does something and to control what she can and not what she can’t.
I have a sibling like this. They will find ANYTHING to affirm that they are a victim: the route the cab took. The "rude" question asked in a medical appointment. The takeout food being "boring" even though they order it religiously each week. I just nod, change the subject, or walk away. I will not feed the bottomless pit of the constant need for attention.
Love this short and sweet message. Yes it’s abuse for sure. Thanks for the advice, listen for a short time and only once 😄
Mental abuse
Yes it abuses and it Kill Joy and creativity
Thanks
I dealt with suicidal depression every day for 10 years. I always made sure to "ask for help" but i made sure not to "drag others down with me"
If you know what i mean
wow, this is such a great message, thank you!
If people lived really hard lives im sure they would complain too. I was almost shot to death delivering pizzas trying to earn an honest living. Literally almost lost my life. Relive flash backs every day of my life. I can no longer even work because of it. While others make millions. Im not only advicating for myself but others who have to struggle. I do feel fortunate in alot of ways but some people really do have it rough and how can some not complain. The lifestyle we live in soceity is the root cause of this issue. The pressure of being accepted or not. If everyone was accepted and were treated equally , alot of this would be alleviated
This isn't about people's complaints being invalid. It's about the usefulness of complaining, and how it affects the people around you.
I have a co worker who's always complaining about everything. Everything that comes out of his mouth is negative no matter what it is. It's so frustrating and exhausting.
I think my 63 yr old partner has ADHD and if ONE thing goes wrong then everything is AWFUL. This is so exhausting. He is an expert at noticing what is WRONG.
He is always a victim....this is how he sees himself and it sucks for me to see him like this. Ugh. So I have to "allow" him to "just be"? He goes on and on and on and ON...I have left the house many times just to get AWAY from him and get some peace..and this helps me calm down but if it's dark outside then I will NOT leave and so I have to endure this negativity which is depressing and horrible for ME I'm getting worn out .....agh........
Tell them how their complaining makes you feel. If you've already done that, and they're not listening to you then maybe you should leave them. You don't want to live the rest of your life with a energy vampire.
I'm saving this to play out loud to my grandpa 🤣
I needed to hear this. Thank you I’m somewhere in the middle. I definitely get one dimensional in that mode and am not thinking about anyone else but myself. Saving this clip in my favorites for a reminder to myself
Would love to hear some strategies for dealing with chronic complainers. Maybe a part two?! 😁
I'm with you on that!
Step 1. RUN
Step 2. There is no step 2
My friend has been living with me for 7 years and all she does is complain about everything 24/7. She gets triggered when people look at her and other things. Thinks people are bullying her. Has accused me of being a gaslighter and she gets into fights with everyone. I gave her a lot of advice and we would just get into arguments. At the end of this year I plan on moving away from her. She always would cry she is going to end up in the streets if she moves out. The stress is not worth it.
Dr. Jacobson, thank you for these golden words of wisdom. How can we stop filling ourselves with memories of abuses at work...it is redundant thinking and endless...how can we stop that? God Bless
For me it's people who complain about their partner or their children. Like 1: Your relationship is none of my business, communicate to your partner instead of trying to seek validation from people outside that relationship. 2: Children is hard for everyone to hold back from crossing boundaries. Either you will get people advising you go easy on the child trying to find an understanding, or people advising you go harder on the child but still not understanding the whole story.
That last part could be said of relationship advise from friends. Some friends may tell you "Oh well maybe they made a mistake" making the complainer feel as if you aren't validating their feelings. But on the alternative if the friend replies "That's horrible you should dump them!" that may momentarily validate their "woe is me" moment....but when they reconcile with their partner, that friend looks bad because it seems now their stance is clear.
To be honest I don't wanna hear it. I used to be that validating friend going back & forth. But in time I felt like I was not being genuine & was just being agreeable. In truth I do have a lot of opinion & had to work on my boundaries but the real factor at the end of the day is that afterwards I feel so drained & then their problem becomes my problem bouncing around in my head like a frustrated little monster whether I agree with them or not. And it's NONE of my business. I don't even know the full story & would hate to be complained about (which I have been & it's not fun to face the judgy eyes of others I can't even defend myself to). It's not fair to your partner or your kids. So I wish people would just stop doing that because it's so toxic.
Focus on what you CAN control!
Why do you want to control?
@@summertime87 I don't want to control - why are you asking me THAT?
Yeah my fiancé complains a lot about his family and job and it’s draining because it’s repetitive. It’s to the point if he doesn’t stop idk about us ever getting married because it’s becoming unattractive. It makes me think he doesn’t have the power to control his emotions and fears to take actions on changing situations.
I want to meet a nice man with your sense.
YOU are Wonderful. VERY helpful for me right now. I'm trying to rebuild my life ....NO- I AM
rebuilding it. I was Going to get into "story"- NPD mother, blah de blah de blah. I was getting bored of me! Thank you.
thank you!
I’m upset about my dad’s heart failing & functioning at 30% bc he had super low blood pressure episode today.This ignorant fella of 18 years decides to complain about the spaghetti being a tad salty..LAST NIGHT! He is a CONSTANT complainer & an aging narcissist. I’m already in the process of leaving him, but DAMN! I’m so SICK of his constant complaints.
....and I love his shirts too! 🙏😀
Your video is amazing 🤩 is so true God bless everyone who reads this!!!!
Complainers dont want solutions.
I have been looking for videos about complaining friends. Here is a question: Do they love to embarrassed friends? Picky about friend that they pick? I have a friend that complains to me about me all the time. She's in her 70s and I'm in my mid 40s. When she complains - she makes me feel stupid/failure. It's stressful. She told her neighbors about my fears and I was scolded for it on Christmas day (I only met them that day), and my dad died few months earlier that year. She told them about my dad's estate in which that was a "big" no. she even complained about my parents stuff at their house, etc. She even complained about my stuff and I need to get rid of my stuff in my home and even my car (when nothing wrong with it). Paid off. She just hates my car. I have set my boundaries at her and didn't end well. Still still complains about my car and my stuff to this day and she just did it last Sat. I have another friend I hangout with. He's a very good friend and not so judgmental/complainer and she told me, "You still hangout with him?" I'm like, "Yes. I do."
Thank you for that advice. Thank you.
My 71 year old friend complains non-stop every single day and its draining the hell out of, I've tried everything but he always turns it back to whats wrong with his health or how life was ten times better in the early 70's. I'm a literal wreck because of it.
I find that I keep complaining because no matter that job I have, I ALWAYS HAVE ISSUES SPANISH WOMEN COWORKERS especially if she Puerto Rican. I find that Spanish women can be so horrible to work with and they always find a way to get another coworker in trouble if they’re not also Spanish
yep, most people are living blind!!! So sad to see. They are stuck in a repetitive cycle!!!!!!!
What if someone complains about their chronic pain? Is it abusive to tell them to shut up?
You probably shouldn't tell them to shut up exactly, but the mental stress from their complaining is valid. They can't change their chronic pain I assume, and though I can imagine it's tempting to complain about it, it really does them no good to do so.
@@NyQuilDonut I'm the one who is in pain, and people ask me to do stuff for them all the time without any thought about how much extra pain it will cause me. How will they know my pain if I don't tell them all the time? It's not an act; it's real, but they still don't get it.
That's my situation.
@@CBT5777 Then you just need to put your foot down and refuse to do things they ask you to do. They'll get it then.
My parents be complaining a lot I get headaches
Sharing is often mistaken for complaining. Sharing to get insight and resolution. Or merely to dumpon another todeplete their energy The question is what is being shared ?does it need to be shared and what is expected. Some people every day every secod they complain and trauma bond because that is what they feel best doing. Sickening.
If a person realizes they are doing such and not make effort to change smh. Been working on this because i live with a constant complainer. Very distracting
I have always thought I got on people's nerves with my ADHD but now after watching different videos this morning I realized I was doing constant complaining and negativity around people. Help 😮
Being aware of your complaining is the first step, and the next step is to catch yourself complaining and veer aware from it into something more positive.
I think “abusive” is a bit too harsh of a word. I am that complainer but imo I am not at all abusive to my girlfriend. I love her and treat her well otherwise. I just mostly vent because I want to get things off my chest that are frustrating and she’s the closest one to me.
But yes I can see how it’s draining and trying to change that
I cant believe im ruining people life with my bullshit conplaining ...ive gotta stop and fix life
This is one of your best videos!
Such good advice 👍🏼👍🏼
My wife is a chronic complainer. EVERY little thing. Yet, she does absolutely NOTHING to resolve any issues.
Same here, mine evens complains about the weather.
I wish my boyfriend could hear this.
Leave him as he will never change and you’ll have a life of misery, I’m speaking from experience married to a woman who spends 90% of her time complaining and it drains you out.
@@michaelwalsh9145 I left him in January 🙏🏼 and my new boyfriend always says, “I can’t complain!” 💗
@@bluaurora8635 great to hear, I wish you well with your new boyfriend.
Im in a current situation where I have several people who are constantly complaining about everything I do. I had decided not to have anything to do with these people. Am I in the wrong for doing that?
Can i always complain how complaining is always annoying? Complainception
brilliant video.
Still true, will always be true lol, great stuff
Well said!!
Trying not to complain...its hard regarding im used to it.
I would like to complain against this advice.😣
My boyfriend complains so much! We are on opposite ends of the spectrum!
While what youre saying is true, complaining is also venting frustration.
2:48 Yes! That one word... "Reinventing" smh
👍
Hey Dr. Jacobs, I really like this common sense format , I would like to communicate by Email sometime, Shalom
One for 3 minutes and let it go's
Do you really think MOSt people are like taht? I don't. Hang out with some new friends!
Yall are crazy.
Complaining is just saying you dont like.
And you as a person feel that its abusive and draining.
Doesn't mean the act of complaining is abusive and draining!
Lmfao. And if you disagree, this means you're complaining and by your own logic you're being abusive and draining.
Yall need to think for yourself instead of just listening to one person's opinion and aligning it with your situation.
We all know what complaining is. This is about complaining too much.
In most cases it's not abusive because most people aren't aware they complain too much. If they are aware of it and continue to complain too much anyway then it starts to get into that abusive territory. To knowingly stress people out is abusive to some degree.
Complaining too much often is draining for people. I know from experience. There's nothing wrong with getting things off your chest sometimes, but if it's a regular thing you do then it can be draining for people to listen to. Most people don't want to be exposed to negativity on a regular basis.
Disagreeing isn't complaining, those two words have separate definitions for a reason. You're entitled to your opinion and I'm not upset in any way by it, I'm just voicing my own opinion.
Complaining is not abusive. I've experienced real
would take complaining over what I went through anyday. Absolutely ruined your message by pretending that people who complain and are unhappy are somehow abusing you by complaining.
It is not an either/or thing. Some forms of complaining are not abusive. Other forms clearly are. It would be wise to be able to make that distinction.
You are SO out of touch with reality. It’s so easy for you to say the things you’re saying but we live in world where life is so difficult, we can’t just change jobs or change certain living situations so easily. It’s not like it was back in the 70s or the 80s. And for a lot of people, complaining is a form of VENTING. If they didn’t vent, somewhere down the road they’d explode in dangerous ways. You’re probably one of those doctors who would never prescribe patients anxiety medications. So if people want to complain, LET THEM.
He didn't say life was fair nor easy. He said to change things in your life that you don't like. And if you can't change them then accept them. Why focus on something you can't change? Why focus on what you don't have? You can't enjoy what you don't have so why focus on it? Focus on the blessings you do have. Shelter, food, water, electricity, internet, health are all blessings.
Nonsense, constant complaining never resolved anything instead it just makes things worse. If someone is complaining about a situation they’d be better of thinking and doing something to resolve it because complaining won’t resolve anything.
No one has to listen to another persons negativity. It’s not another persons job to regulate you and your actions. That’s what constant complainers do. He is not out of touch with reality he is telling the truth. If something is ruining your life and relationships so bad you need to change it because no amount of whining is going to make your life better.
albert nerdstine