After 30 painful years of off and on addiction, I found my miserable soul 12 days sober today. I somehow stumbled across your podcast recently and have truly enjoyed listening to every one of your episodes. Some multiple times. They help comfort and calm me through these uncomfortable days. Sobriety or death for certain. With that I’m much grateful to you and for your relatable content. Onward and upward.
My rock bottom was not any particular episode. It was more so the loss of respect from family and friends. It hurt me deeply, yet I was entirely to blame owing to my bouts of binge drinking. I've managed to rebuild some bridges, but not all. Thank you, Stuart for a space for me to speak my truth.
It's so strange that I know the dangers of relapse, and yet I do. It's so counterintuitive. Sober today and have been for a few weeks now, so I will take that as a win, however small.
Hello, comrade. I hope you and your loved ones are well. I see myself in the "second" group of alcoholics: I relapsed this summer after a period of sobriety and fell into a deep hole. My mother, who is the only reason I'm not homeless in Paris, returned from holiday to find me passed out naked on the living room floor, which looked like the aftermath of a three-day party. I was alone all summer and had tidied up just days before. Despite how awful and shameful it sounds, it’s still far from the worst of my many rock bottoms. I barely woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. When I opened the door, I saw my mum, her face bloody, pants wet, and eyes full of tears. We think she fell on her way home. At 64, it was her first blackout and rock bottom. The neighbors found us both drunk and waited with us for the ambulance. Fortunately, her injuries were superficial and are barely visible now, two weeks later. I share this because she’s also an alcoholic and told me she never thought she’d hit rock bottom. Neither of us has had a sip since. I agree with you: alcoholics will eventually hit a rock bottom-or many. And maybe that’s necessary. Good luck everyone, take care and once again, thank you Stu. Dany
“You have a drinking problem. You know how I know? Because you’re watching this” Me, a non drinker: 😮 (But seriously consider the possibility that some of the people watching your videos aren’t watching from the perspective of an alcoholic, but are watching from the perspective of someone who has a loved one struggling with alcoholism. I have multiple alcoholics in my family. My father and oldest brother are recovering alcoholics, my uncle is literally mentally disabled from alcoholism, my grandfather died in part because of his alcoholism, and my other older brother is a current alcoholic who is fucking up his life more and more day by day and is seemingly impossible to reach out to. I love him but he puts out more red flags than a Beijing vexology club. I watch your content to remind myself of his perspective- he won’t admit it but I know him well enough to know that he is aware of what he is doing to himself. I want to be incredibly mad at him, I want to just safe guard my emotions by telling myself “he’s just a selfish piece of shit” and leaving it at that, but I have to remind myself everyday that he’s a person, a human being like anyone else, deeply traumatized by both what he and I and my eldest brother experienced growing up, and his alcoholism is an expression of mental illness no less than my own suicidal depression is. I like to listen to your videos because it puts me into a reference point of what he must go through everyday- the incredible shame and guilt he feels as he indulges more and more, the mental tricks he tries to convince himself of to justify it, the self debasement and mental flagellation that comes with each binge, etc. It reminds the better nature of myself to keep holding on to empathy. Don’t just write him off as hopeless and at total fault and deserving of where his life is at. It reminds me that empathy and compassion is not the same as enablement. I can have boundaries that are clearly and unambiguously stated but still love and care about my brother and genuinely want the best for him- that I can’t hold myself accountable for his inability to take the proper steps to treat his illness, but that I can still be here for him when/if that day one day actually comes. I want to swear him off for all the pain and grief and embarrassment he’s put my mom through with all this shit- I want to tell myself it’s his just deserts for the awful abusive shit he did to me when I was little- I want to tell him to just get out of my and our mothers life for good, to call him all the things I know haunt him at night, the things that cause him to chase pathetic and unremarkable oblivion down the length of a bottle every morning and every night. But watching content like this, it reminds me that I can’t do that. I shouldn’t do that. If I do that then I’m tacitly endorsing all the worst things I see in the world; I’m consciously selecting the most nihilistic and least charitable perspective possible and making that my default setting- the default template through which I internet all the complexity of the world. It hurts tremendously. It’s a struggle every day to keep reminding myself of my brother humanity- that he’s just as mentally damaged as I am- that there’s an alternate universe where that’s *me* , not him. But I can’t just give in; I have to hold on to the hope that things can one day be better for him. That he can reach that moment of desperation where he finally reaches out for help, and puts behind him all the unbearable shame that his burdened him his entire life.
I’m not in any of your three groups. I’m just the child of two alcoholics who is trying to understand what happened while I was growing up. Your perspective is incredibly valuable, even to non-drinkers like me. ♥️
Starting my journey tonight at midnight! Mostly a beer drinker, but realized that the longer one consumes alcohol, the more the negatives start to outweigh the positives. In addition to that, if someone continues to drink, they will never be able to reach their full potential in life. Wish me luck!🤠
@@nes3843 Goodluck and keep pushing through… I’m 5 weeks today… I found the first two weeks were the hardest.. the voice that talks to you the habit that is there… I did everything to distract myself and gave myself tiny goals.. daily.. hourly… stupid shit.. like making my bed… cleaning the cupboards.. painting my bathroom! Anything and everything especially to cover the weekends… committed to seeing family.. people I avoided when I locked myself away in drinking isolation…. I turned into “yes man” to life and no man to my inner booze voice… just don’t give up or give in. Goodluck and congrats on making the decision for peace. 🙏🙌❤️
Recovering alcoholic (19 years sober). One trick that worked for me, is before you pop that first beer, eat something sweet. I got drunk on red wine. Somehow drinking red wine did not appeal to me after eating a donut. Best of luck.
I’m first week sober after not a Rock bottom as stuch but on a stag do in which I binged on alcohol and cocaine for 3 days. These podcasts are getting me through and I’ve decided that’s it for me. No more of that lifestyle. I sat on bed and cried to my friends that I’m done. People only see the social me and not the lonesome drinker that I have become. Keep up the RUclips videos they are amazing! And thankyou.
Well done for making the decision mate. It's gonna be tough, especially for a sociable chap like you, but I can't express adequately how much it's worth it. Thanks for watching, and for the comment.
I think rock bottom is necessary but I think it just looks different for everyone. Rock bottom is wherever you decide to stop digging. Some people pursue alcohol to the gates of insanity and death. Some people lose everything. But for some people, like myself, we don't need to lose everything. While my drinking was heavy and daily, my bottoms were pretty high. They didn't result in loss of materials or relationships but rather the loss of the will to live. The thing that made my bottoms work to get me to quit was that the alcohol stopped working for me. My demons learned to swim. If alcohol had kept working I wouldn't have quit. The thing that made my last bottom special was the intervention of a fellow while I was hitting bottom. I was brought into the rooms of AA and have held on tight to my seat. I have been warned that all the things that didn't happen to me are only "yets" and that it's easier to stay sober than to get sober. I'll keep my chair and count myself blessed to not have burned down my whole life. I don't need to keep digging, I have the experience of others to learn from.
Congratulations again on your sobriety, and for your ability to talk about it so clearly. "My demons learned to swim." Boom. I'm happy AA is working for you - and you make a point that I kind of garbled a bit: that you don't need to jump off the cliff yourself to find out it's fatal, people have done it before you. Thanks for watching and for the comment!
Love your stuff. Agree about the snobbery at some meetings. I, like you drank on a suicide mission and rock bottoms were necessary for recovery. I have been told several times by different individuals following a relapse that , quote ‘I obviously hadn’t had enough pain’…….. The implication being that I should go back out there and carry on drinking and return for support once I had experienced more pain. Madness. Thanks for your hard work on your channel
I suppose what matters it that you're sober today, and not HOW you got sober. But yeah, it is madness. Thanks for watching, and I really appreciate your supportive comments.
Bat! Great talking points in this one - especially this 👉”I was either going to kill myself or save myself”. Truer words never spoken - a friend in sobriety once told me: “If you start up again, the rock-bottom you are imagining is nowhere close to how bad it will actually be. He was right. The sheer terror, pain, and ruin is truly unfathomable to the sober mind. That is the reality I connect with when a drink sounds like fun. Loved this episode, keep doing you!💫
It's difficult to remember pain afterwards. We have mechanisms to prevent us recalling the pain of, say, breaking a leg, because, if to recall pain was to relive it, none of us would ever be capable of doing anything. I think that's true of alcoholism too: in time, we forget how much it hurts. Thanks as always for watching and for the comment.
@@_BatCountryI totally agree with you. I’m three months sober and every now and then, I catch myself almost romanizing it. It’s astonishing how our minds can play tricks with memory. It’s very scary!
Love listening to you talk about your experiences. Calming and so honest. This is my 6th time on the sober journey at 52 years old. Been drinking since I was 14. I’m 9 days sober and didn’t necessarily hit a rock bottom but am in so much physical pain that I’ve had to quit again. Plus I was getting super depressed about the state of the world and drinking made it worse. Keep posting! We need voices like yours 😊
I am in fact a moderate/occasional drinker who enjoys your content. The algorithm recommended you to me, I think because I tend to watch recovery content in general. I used to have an eating disorder, and like all addictions there are similaries. There is a saying in ED recovery that you are indeed "sick enough" to deserve treatment, even if you aren't in hospital, even if you aren't underweight... Start fighting any time, at any point, because you deserve to live a healthy and happy life.
every once in awhile the doubt can enter your brain you forget all the pain and suffering you really have to watch your own thinking and you cant trust it
Every day. Even while making this video, the thought in my head was 'maybe it wasn't as bad as I'm making it sound, maybe I could survive another one.' Absolute madness.
Love your channel. I was one of those that needed a few rock bottoms… and I got them all… I’m in new sobriety. 5 weeks today. Ironically, the last “rock bottom” wasn’t the worst one compared to other 2 “major” ones… but it was the biggest for me.. I’m grateful for each day I am sober. Thanks stu ❤
Some of what you say here Bat is probably the reason I sought out this kind of content at this particular time, to make me recall my rock bottoms. Yes, reader, there were several. Ha. Never dreamt I'd find a channel of this calibre mind you. I'm 10 days off 1 year sober & catching myself being overly excited at the prospect - as you might be reaching your target weight after dieting. It feels dangerous to me & I know I need to focus on why I got here. It was as you decribe, death was knocking with violent DTs hand delivered, sectioned and detained for a month, still kept drinking as soon as I went home, I won't go on. Thank you for these videos, they really help.
I am here not as a recovering alcoholic, but as a recovering gambling addict. Many of the lessons you speak about can be transferred more or less directly to gambling addiction, and I truly love the format of your videos so thank you for doing this important work. Much love and strength to you and your sobriety
Thank you for the videos. Its Sunday in the UK been awake and sick since 4am waiting for the shops to legally sell alcohol at 10am i hate this. 20+ years of it the last 4 being hell. i can and will get sober the rock bottoms are many and get worse over time. i think if you havent experienced one you may well of experienced a wake up call, the party for me stopped over 10 years ago but nobody told me. friends have died from alcohol yet i keep drinking the WD are hell i check on all your videos and they help a lot. im tired of the pain and the madness. i feel no shame speaking publicly about this i think its important. anyone in pain now, you are not alone. thank you.
Had some sad news this week that a close relative has lung cancer. Sadly i did not cope with the news and got drunk and gambled at a land based casino until 5 in the morning. Was all day in bed yesterday but am sober now. Alcoholism and gambling are a lethal combination. The anxiety yesterday almost killed me. I do not intend to drink again!
You might need a few extra tools to help you cope with bad news, because alcohol ain't helpful. Now you got TWO problems. I hope you're doing better today, and you get it beat for the long term.
Rock bottoms always made the situation worse for me. Trauma = drinking... However, dragging your balls through mud - the constant minuses of being a drunkard is what convicted me I want to quit. Im just so tired of my drinking!
I'm a few years older and have been drunk since I was 17. I'm worried you're right about rock bottom. I don't believe I've hit that low but have come close at times. Beer is mostly my poison and it is everywhere.
From my experience, rock bottoms can be different for everyone. My first bout with alcholism lasted for 4 years. It only stopped when i was just so disgusted with myself for all of the problems i was causing my family, when i had consumed the last booze in the house, i never bought any more. The problems that this caused my family, unfortunately, continue to this day
The rock bottom is completely misrepresenting yourself as a human being while drunk. entering a relationship because of it and completely destroying their life through absolutely no fault of their own because you only know how to communicate and represent yourself while drunk.
Wow Stuart, your videos really hit deep and go where others fear to tread yet are essential viewing for those of us who continue to wrestle with alcohol abuse in one guise or the other. Keep up the great work.
Love you man! Thanks! Rock bottom? Which one? The last one was waking up on a Sunday with a headache and pain. Looking in the mirror to see a hell of a black eye from falling with my bicycle after being kicked out of a club. To work on Monday, going home nauseous and dizzy. Went to see a doctor and he congratulated me with surviving the first 24 hours of a concussion! Because sleeping which a concussion can lead to a coma, I live alone who would have found me in time? Probably nobody! This scared the hell out of me. And I knew things had to change. So I didn’t quit but started drinking less and moderatel which kind of seemed to work. Until I found myself in the pub until closing time, while I only wanted to drink a few. The next week again….. took me 1,5 years (well actually 20+ years) to really quit. 3 months sober now.
Man, I’m definitely in that 3rd category and I needed to hear this. I’m in the midst of quitting so much other shit and clinging to alcohol bc it’s socially acceptable but really it’s just another drug. I don’t think I’m so bad that I need to cut it out entirely, and maybe that’s just me being blind to my addiction. But I definitely need to cut down and just keep drinking for parties. Thank you for alerting me to the dangers of alcohol. I’m still a college student so I feel like it’s normal to drink this much but I find myself drinking on days my friends don’t and missing my classes. I needed this wake up call. You’ve got a new sub. I need to sober up entirely to get my life back on track. Thank you
Thank you, and welcome to the channel. I really hope you decide to get a handle on it as soon as possible. If you're in college and you're already watching Bat Country videos, I hate to say it, but the outlook is worrying. There's an email address in the description if you wanna tell me what's on your mind.
Fascinating stuff. Dark but true. I don't have a rock bottom story because I bailed out of boozing two years ago due to anxiety and depressions drinking caused me. I almost feel guilty when I tell them this at AA.
That's exactly the AA attitude I was attacking here: no one should feel guilty that their rock bottom isn't as low as someone else's. What matters right now is that you made it. Congratulations.
We are all on a journey on different paths in all directions that may happen to intersect through our common or shared experiences of life happy or not so happy. Those like you who take time out to help others in really bad times and or places bring them the most powerful gift of all "Hope' and its endless boundless possibilities. Lots of people family friends and total strangers helped to save my life from alcohol but two individuals helped me get sober and stay sober. You sir right now do that for those who are where i was and are stopping others from going there. Thank you Bat.
Your rock bottom can simply be realising that over time most of us don't drink less alcohol, even those without alcohol problems. 90% of the time the addiction grows and if it's bad now, it will be 10% worse tomorrow. I wish I'd reached out when I was 20 for help as it would have saved 10 years of traumatic nights. We don't need to introduce more trauma into our lives to stop drinking, we deserve better. Edit : The attitude you describe in AA about having to reach rock-bottom to be taken seriously is a massive problem. If you consume an addictive drug for long enough you will become addicted, just like if you try to set fire to your apartment for long enough you'll eventually succeed. Some apartments are more fire retardant than others, but eventually they will burn and so will we. The important thing to remember is that we don't need to be setting ourselves on fire with an addictive poisonous drug. Early intervention is imperative as by the time AA is a option a lot of unnecessary damage has taken place and it starts to become a macabre one-up-manship game of "well look at me and how fucked up I was".
Oh wow your edit is SO on point - I hope you don't mind if I quote that from time to time? God I just read it back, that's so powerfully true. Huge thanks for the thoughtful comment, and thanks for watching.
@@_BatCountryso true! And everyone’s rock bottom is different. The worse you’ve seen is the worse you’ve seen, period. The nadir of the bottom is radically individual and each person only knows their own - no one else can EVER judge it.
@@Goodvibes-gu8dv Yep, I drank again after 7 years sober after my mother died. It was a slow descent and if I continued along that path I'd hit a conventional rock bottom in 15 years probably. It's the direction of travel that's important to note and I was heading downward. We choose the sober path for a reason, if we deviate from the path we can't afford to put that reason to the back of our mind, getting back on course immediately is the only way to stay sane. We're in it and on it for life.
A very interesting question in this video. Yes, i think some do need a rock bottom. Problem is, it should be prevented, because it can be deadly, but then there are people that will ignore every warning and they need to see for themselves, how bad it gets and how much damage it does. Some things can't be really described in words, you need to feel it. You can tell people about withdrawal, delirium tremens etc. but they won't understand it before they got it. Sad but true.
You're absolutely right. If it was easy as telling someone not to drink because it can get bad, no one would dink. A lot of us feel like we're the exception, and it won't be bad for us.
Thank you for this video. Found you through LD's page. Some of us get so used to the suffering. And the cyles become normal. I thought I hit rock bottom so many times. Even after homelessness and couch surfing for years, I thought the problem was my ability to moderate, lol. It took from 11 years-old to 42 (just turned 43) to really see and learn to get and KEEP my shit together. So amazing how different it is for all of us. Like when we first learn as babes that fire burns. A lot of kiddos instantly stear clear of the flame from then on, others are drawn towards it and continue to get burned, some learn to master it. I'm finally learning to master this, "one friggin day at a time"! IF YOURE READING THIS, DONT GIVE UP, KEEP GOING! It takes a while to really start feeling like just yourself, then there are other issues that can arise, like underlying health issues, etc. And all the consequences of actions can be very long lasting,like financial repair, etc. It is all part of it. KEEP GOING🙏❤
Thanks so much, and welcome to the channel. (And pass my thanks onto LD if you get an opportunity, I really love his channel. It's been so helpful to so many of us.) Your point about different personalities - being drawn to the flame or being afraid of it - really stopped me in my tracks. That's a great perspective. Congratulations on your sobriety. One day at a time.
Another masterful video. Well said, all of it. I can’t agree more with your points of view on the personal importance of a real rock bottom. That’s not to say sobriety can’t be achieved without one, but it is to say that there are various kinds of alcoholics. I’m the kind, like you, who needed to get crushed under a massive boulder of a rock bottom. This channel has become the new content I look forward to more than any thing else on youtube. And that goes to your point about the distinct types of people who are watching this video. As a member of the group of viewers who enjoy longterm sobriety after coming back from the nihilistic depths of 24/7 active alcoholism, I think what I enjoy most about these stories is they end up making me feel good about myself. Feeling proud of myself for not giving up through the drinking and withdrawls so I could live long enough to get sober. You are so good at reminding me of just how bad it was when I lived in a prison of my own making. Because of that, I always feel like a champion inside when your videos end. Because although I got knocked down many times, I got up enough times to finally throw the last punch and remain standing. And that’s pretty badass.
Just wanted to say that I am that fourth group of non alcoholics who just finds your content interesting. I think it's a combination of educating myself to safeguard against any unhealthy behaviour in myself or others and to make sense of the experiences of alcoholics in my life. But your storytelling is interesting enough in itself to merit watching
"There are no passengers on a channel like this" : here I am 🤠. I never liked alcohol so much. I found your channel on the bottom of a rabbit hole I have fallen into. I have become obsessed with addiction stories after moving to Europe from a 3rd world country and seing so many hopeless people on the streets. I was convinced it was mostly addiction that could turn the residents of the prosperous french city I used to live in into incoherent shadows of what they once were (excluding the poor lucid immigrants who did not have the priviledge that allowed me to be integrated in my new home's society). Your channel showed me there is still hope for them, they just need help. Maybe they are all going through their own separate rock bottom, whatever their issue is. I hope as many of them can get out of this. Thank you for your amazing content!
My situation might be unique but I didn't have a rock bottom, I just had a moment of clarity and an understanding that I wasn't getting anything out of drinking. I made a decision to stop and it was easy (easy so far, 11 months). The reason i am making this comment is that I bet there are a lot of people, maybe not the majority, but a lot, that could simply just stop drinking today and not miss it. Give it a shot, it might be easier than you fear. Nothing to lose by trying.
Thanks for having the courage to make this thoughtful content. I was going to Narcotics anonymous 10 years ago because of weed but I slipped and drank alcohol a few times. But I had never experienced many consequences due to my addictions. I found NA helpful and hearing the horror stories from those addicts was helpful. But my sponsor was frustrated and said maybe I need to “go back out there “ and come back when my addiction was worse. He may have been right, but I felt it was pretty unsupportive. I was trying to work the steps. Well my addiction did get worse, especially alcohol, and now I’m much more motivated to be sober. I still haven’t had a “bottom” exactly but things got bad I made a decision to quit. I do not want to lose my health, job and everything, so I still have that fear and desperation to stay sober. Your videos help.
Yes, it is unusual advice. I could feel his frustration with my relapses. It is going really well with alcohol sobriety and I congratulate myself regularly. Unfortunately my other addictive behaviors, like gambling, addictive sexual behavior and sugar, have been more active and causing unmanageability in my life. I’m doing some recovery work but don’t really have sobriety from those at the moment
I had to go homeless before I stopped. When I went homeless I moved back to WA state where they have better programs for veterans than TX and I was able to try cannabis. It turned out I was self mediating my PTSD with alcohol, now I use cannabis which is much safer. Now when I get stressed I have a puff or two instead of getting black out drunk.
That's progress. Ya know, even as a Brit I get a lot of US veterans telling me how bad veteran care is. I really feel for you mate, and I'm glad you're doing better today.
@@_BatCountry Veterans Affairs Canada has been reimbursing the cost of cannabis for medical purposes for Veterans in increasing numbers and at an increased cost. Yet here in the US nothing. But I can get all the opioids and Xanax I want.
@@words4dyslexicon I googled so much about veterans and the VA drugs and I have yet to meet one or see one that is happy and functional on their pills. But every veteran I see at the dispo has a smile and is excited to get their medication.
I had so many “rock bottoms” during my last 4 years of heavy drinking. After my last relapse I ended up in the hospital, taken by force by the police. After the hospital I started drinking again for two weeks, mostly because I was so ashamed what I did. Going to AA meetings in this period helped me to stay sober and to process this terrible shame. Somehow, I managed to stay sober for more than 6 months. I really don’t want to go back where I was but my sick mind romanticises drinking. When I see sometimes an alcoholic in the street, homeless or in a very bad shape, my alcoholic brain says “oh it is not that bad, he can drink and forget”. In such moments I’m scared that there is not enough hard rock bottom for me and I will go back to drinking. Someone once told me that for a chronic alcohol like me there is an alter tube: sobriety or “hospital, prison or death”. I was in hospital and I hope I will have the strength not to go back.
I hope you don't go back either Pawel. But I know that weird romanticism you mentioned. Sometimes, I'll be doing my dayjob, having meetings and being busy, and a little bit of my brain is still injecting thoughts like, "life would be better if I was an alcoholic living in a ruined old shack in rural Belarus or something." So weird.
I agree with you for the most part, Stu. I think most adults who consume alcohol will have a point in their drinking career in which they have to evaluate their relationship with the bottle. For many, that will look something similar to what you described with the young person missing class. Maybe its showing up late to work a few times and getting a warning for decreased performance, or going overboard for a time after a breakup to the point where a close friend expresses concern. Perhaps its driving home intoxicated and not getting caught but feeling horrible that you actually got behind the wheel. Or pissing your friend's bed after a particularly raucous party. Even relative "problem drinkers" can find the motivation to stop after these so-called "minor" brushes with alcohol. But there is a certain breed of drinker (dare I say like you and me) that will not stop there. Only the rockiest of rock bottoms (hospitals, institutions, death) can be the catalyst for one of us.
"I'm grateful that those memories hurt". Amen, Stu. The words "rock bottom" don't necessarily mean that we are at the bottom of a ravine, upside down and on fire...but the reality for many is that some catastrophic event must be added to the recipe for sobriety. I am no exception. In Chapter 3 of the Big Book of AA, the first three paragraphs brilliantly describe our journeys to the bitter end. Either of life, or the bitter end of our drinking. I'll spare all of you from typing those three paragraphs, but will mention one of the key ingredients...the "Pitiful, and Incomprehensible Demoralization". THAT is the "rock bottom" we must face, where only one question needs to be asked..."Do I want to live or die"? ✌❤ Mark
@@_BatCountry I enjoy the way you present things in a thoughtful, calm, and humble manner. THAT, my friend is a program of attraction, not promotion! All the best, Mark
Really enjoying your videos. Wish I’d played them to my partner who died in June aged 56. Death was his rock bottom…hope your video helps someone…thank you
It’s actually videos like this that are helping me cope and realise that there was very little I could have done to bring about change…if the change wasn’t wanted…really hope that viewers take heed of your powerful messages.. also think about the consequences of their actions, of which there are many…
Thanks for your content, fascinating and insightful as always. Anyway, after 40 years of drinking, often binge drinking as I can't seem to grasp moderation, I've quit, over 2 months sober now. I indeed hit rock bottom, I came home from a bender, got into a row with my wife and daughter, launched a torrent of 4 letter abuse at them, had kind of a complete hit the fuck it button and there you go, I can't unsay it despite loving them dearly. My health had been clearly suffering due to alcohol aswell, internal pains, depression on days that I didn't drink, just felt like absolute shit. Would drink heavy, even at home while being policed by my worried daughter, mainly weekends and days off ( shift worker ). You probably get the picture now, although not entirely physically dependent, I was probably creeping out of the middle lane. Thanks again for your channel
Thanks for watching. I'm sorry to hear about your bottoming out, it hurts doesn't it? This is probably boring advice, but the kind of drinking you described sounds to me a like a lack of fulfilment. That hits men quite hard. You got any interests outside work and family stuff?
Yes, I play guitar and write songs, sometimes play in a band, music is my main interest outside work and family life. Thanks for your reply. Appreciate it
Such brilliant insights mate. I was alot like you. Trying to rebuild all that I lost. Just a day by day deal brother. I almost killed myself on the drink. Hopefully never again. No one else there speaks the truth like you do my friend..Take care hey❤
Great video Bat Country. My opinion, “rock bottom” is subjective. Many addicts have several rock bottoms. I think that one decides when they’ve had enough when they are either faced with death (at times that’s not enough) or just sick of being sick and tired. I’m here to learn from others with more experience. I definitely removed the blinders and see clearly. Thank you and hope all is well.
Very interesting Bat. Drinking alcoholically is like a train journey to hell.....thing is you can get off at any stop you like. I never hit a rock bottom that convinced me I was dying, but I did hit many rock bottoms on the way, but never saw them because of the many devices alcohol uses to keep me drinking, for example denial, minimalization etc. I see myself like the guy in the films falling through multiple floors of a building, one after another....on the way down. Although I never hit a rock bottom "to end all rock bottoms" I got sober through intervention, and now have 44 years continuous sobriety. You may think you have hit rock bottom, but you can always go down another 6 feet ! Keep them great videos coming man!!!!!
I'm always impressed by people who say they've had delirium tremens more than once, because I'd never accuse someone who's been through that of needing a harder bottom. I had several rock bottoms in my drinking career, but a one-time encounter with delirium tremens turned me around rather convincingly. I drank suicidally, and DT cured me of the delusion that death was an escape-- or an end. Quite the opposite, the demons in my hallucinations celebrated that I was voluntarily torturing myself up here; they thought it was funny that I had a head start on my punishment. That's how much of a mind-fuck DT is, and I'm in awe of people who go back for seconds/thirds.
You have become my saviour my brother. You are the only one that I listen to. Thankyou so much mate. I watch everything you are creating. You literally have saved my mate. ❤ Big love to you brother from Australia 🇦🇺
You have the most calming and pleasant voice I've ever come across. I come here to help me understand my friend, who's incredibly dear to me, but also incredibly destructive. I've never personally been fond of alcohol or understand the incentive to use it, I think some people are just more vulnerable to it than others. I'm trying to be safe around him and create boundaries, he knows how much his weird paranoias freak me out, having grown up with a severely schizophrenic mom... I try to keep myself save, and him as long as it's not putting me in danger, but I don't think he has the will to stop for... well, forever. That someone as eloquent and insightful like you struggles, too, helps me understand how incredibly lost he is to this, I think. Like he has no will to fight, too exhausted... how do you come up with the will to live, after having gone through all that? Dont answer if you don't want to, that's deeply personal of course. Thank you for all you do, educating ignorant people like me and calming me down, thank you so much! ❤
Had some pretty.miserable rock bottoms in the last 2 years. Most of which involved falling over. Had a small relapse (3 day bender) 3 weeks ago which I am now thankful for as it confirmed there can be no more and moderation does not exist anymore in my life. Other than that 5 months sober.
Hey I'm back after vacation! Love this video. Reminds me of something a friend said to me once. One of my first jobs when I was 13 was painting triple decker houses in Dorchester and I was terrified being up that high on a ladder. You could hear the aluminum (aluminium for you brits) ladder shaking for blocks around. Anyways, he said to me "just remember, it's not the fall that hurts. It's the sudden stop at the bottom." I use that little pepe talk now to pertain to my alcoholism. It's not when I start drinking that hurts, it's the rock bottom where the hurt happens. Anyways. Good stuff as always man. Glad to see your channel is doing so well. New content coming from me soon.
Hi Bat Country. I really appreciate your stories and I relate to your self annihilating style of bender drinking interspersed with long periods of health and fitness. Forgive me if you have spoken of this before, but have you acquired any health problems as a result of your boozey escapades? I was told by a doctor that while my liver was ok, If I continued on this path it would eventually become scarred in its attempts to save itself from the repeated onslaught of liquid poison. I’m curious to see how you are. How are your blood tests? Thanks! And apologies if this is an invasive question to which you don’t wish to disclose an answer. That’s fine too.
Hey Matt! I haven't had any major bloodwork done for a while, but it looks like I dodged most of the worst organ damage. I'm pretty sure my brain is the worst affected and my blood pressure is a little high, but I believe my liver and kidneys are in good shape. You have to bear in mind, though, that I was very fit and healthy before the alcohol got on top of me. I was a martial arts guy and a long distance runner, and I think that benefitted me. Good question though.
Yes, people like you, and people like me, the all or nothing types. One day, I am like a chopper bike, the next day a Ferrari, nothing in-between. What I love about your channel is how you describe your rock bottoms in such detail, that those who listen can picture themselves there. It feels so real. I can understand the girl, in the rain, in the garden. I feel like that daily, wishing I wasn't here. I keep replaying the ending of your video, hoping it will help me, but it's so scary. Your videos give me hope. Thank you again. X
Im always grateful that my rock bottom wasn't that bad as i thought (traumatized tho). It was a net nuetral. Im grateful that i didnt end up worse. I'm grateful for my brain to sorta realize something is wrong and unconsciously making me change. My heart goes out to other addicts 😢. Its a scary and painful process to change, but you are worth it. Its not easy to look at your inner demons and say that you are worth it. Happiness has to be fought for.
There is a 4th group watching: those of us feeling an abundance of caution due to genetic predisposition and or an addictive personality. I drink at most once a month, and last time was 2 months ago, but addiction runs in my family, and I can feel the addictive properties every time I indulge in alcohol.
I am a 23 year old woman from Norway who finally reached my rock bottom some weeks ago. I realized that I was emotionally distant from people because of my drinking problem. (I've been drinking every weekend since the age of 16). I had to feel that life was UTTERLY meaningless, I had become a shell of a person with no emotions, full of fear, full of resentment towards life and others, anxiety, ruminating the same shitty thoughts again and again, not trusting peoples good intentions and so on. It came to a point where i thought as positive emotions as shamefull/ridiculous and something i should hide. I recently moved into my own appartment, have quitted my job 2 times already (I am lucky to come back), and I was searching for meaning. I did NOT realize that drinking made me emotionally distant from everything i loved. I realized in this grey state of mind that nothing has meaning unless i give it meaning. But how could i make something meaningful (conversations or the fact that I have everything I need)? I had to fix my emotions, I just had to, no longer distancing myself emotionally (or as my psychologist back some months said: The patient has problems with intimate connections and intellectualizes feelings). Emotional connections to others is the core of everything in life. What's the point of having all these great things in life if you don't have people to share with? Family and friends. I have been sober for 12 days now, and now i can clearly see how alcohol affected me emotionally. I am slowly turning back to my normal self, being happy and calm within myself, and confident. I do also have a lot of emotional depth to my family.. It's time to stop drinking when your life feels meaningless. I believe in you, love from me
Ya know, I get a conspicuously large amount of comments from young people in Northern Europe, what the hell is going on up there? Congratulations n your sobriety, and on your obvious ability to look inwards. I understand the concern your psychologist has for intellectualising your feelings, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing in moderation. What matters is you've recognised where your problems come from, and you're seeking a better life. We're all behind you, and I sincerely hope it sticks for you in the long term. Keep us posted.
"The torpedo moment" aka when you really torpedo your life or rock bottom. The DUI, the family breakdown, the job loss, the homelessness, the debilitating injury. Dig, dig, dig.
Let's say I'm an overeater, which I am. I love food. In some ways I think it replaces my drinking. I say, "I deserve good food because I don't drink." Fine. I don't have to become 600 lbs before I can start to cut back on carbs. Eventually I can start some cardio. I already do some weight training etc. I think a person who is dependent on alcohol can wean off, before there's one or many major catastrophes. Maybe they can even occasionally have a drink. Or they can't. But the trick is knowing oneself. I'm convinced everyone knows where they are. For me groups have never been helpful with anything. I do better when no one is around, except for therapy. But that's me. My path is dealing with earlier trauma and trying to avoid future trauma. Because I know this is where my tendency to overdo the drinking lives. Do other things that I care about instead of drinking. Music, writing, making videos sometimes and hopefully more. My therapist helped me understand that I have to know myself. Not everyone else. Just me. But I have to know that at my peril. If I don't respect that for which my soul is crying... eventually my soul will want to leave. I can't just hurt myself over and over and expect it to be OK. I have to write, rest, create music and most of all continue my relationship with Jesus. What groups call the higher power although for me it's much deeper than that. But my friend ended up in a halfway house for a year. He lost organs from his body. Yet he still relapsed and is now in the hospital again although he won't say why. So, to me the spoiler is that everyone is unique. You have to do what is right for you. If you don't honor that, bad things will happen. It's inevitable. There's always more. I could go on about this for hours. Ask for help. If you can't have a drop of alcohol then please, please do not have a drop. Some people can't stop gambling. I can't imagine losing everything and still not understanding that I'm not professional gambler. I saw a guy on a motorcycle just last night standing on the seat doing wheelies. How many horrible motorcycle accidents have I heard about? Yet for him, somehow this makes sense. I can't see it. Only he can see it.
For me it was a moment of introspection granted to me by a fellow sober alcoholic. Got to know her at a university party, had a joint and talked and she already knew that I was an alcoholic because of my crazy drinking tempo and my looks actually (was pretty puffy back then due to it). I also had bad symptoms, constant headaches and hangovers, vommiting, heartburn, liver pain and bloody piss and diarrhea. All of that was not enough to stop me, I knew I had a serious problem but I just ignored it. After the talk i couldn't anymore and started my journed to sobriety. Not my darkest hour, but an act of compasion and understanding helped me.
Oh that's such an interesting perspective - I wish I'd taken the time to think about the power of an empathetic intervention rather than a rock bottom. To be honest though, I think your experience, as mature and admirable as it is, is in a small minority. Congratulations though, that story cheered me up. Thanks for sharing it.
@@svens.2876 How long did it take after you stopped drinking for the symptoms you described to start going away? I have never been a raging alcoholic, just a steady drinker for most of my life. I started getting liver pain, so I stopped. I had no withdrawal or problems but I’m worried I left it too late as three weeks later I still feel an odd sensation in my liver, not pain per se, just inflamed I am guessing. Thank you for posing your story on this amazing channel. You are all strong people and inspire me to do better for myself.
@@_BatCountry yeah I fear so as well I also have to admit that in my head I was very close already to quitting, I already accepted that I was an alcoholic at that point so I really just needed a mirror I think. Won't be "as easy" for everyone, and I'd say the whole process from "I got no problem" to "fuck it lets drink myself slowly to death" and stopping took 3 years at least.
@@eden1588 I tempered off in the beginning, from 3-4 to liters of wine to 0,5 liters of cidre. After 2 weeks I fully stopped. Got lucky, no real withdrawals and I had drug counseling for a half a year as well to help with the mental side of things. Headaches, hangovers and nausea basically went and gone after 1-2 weeks as well as the "headfog". My digestive system, liver and kidney still hurt sometimes after 1 1/2 years. My doctor did a ultrasound scan and said its ok though and by bloodtest is also fine so no inflammation anymore. I have some level of inflammation of my stomach lining though. I also now have peripheral neuropathy, I noticed it half a year after I stopped. Pretty sure I had symptoms before but didn't notice.
Hey bat country long time subscriber here. I’ve heard about your podcasts which I think is so awesome. Would you consider bringing other sober RUclips channels on the podcast? Like liver disease, it’s okay to talk, slayer sober, shades o clarity?
Just over a year sober. Rock bottom is definitely when you stop digging. I decided when I got sober that if I ever relapse it will be preceding suicide so the stakes are fairly high now :)
I absolutely feel you there. The next relapse will be the last one, so it can't happen again for me. Congrats on your sober time, and thanks for the comment!
I was just a social blackout drinker!! got carried home by two friends one time from the liquor store i somehow weeble wobble lurched my way back the one block to store before closing time & same friends threw me in van to drop me back home told me if I came back to store stee-rike 3 I was on my own cuz they couldn't drive anymore, so u see it was all social..🤷🏼
2 weeks sober from Orlando Florida. Had my rock bottom that lasted 2.5 months. Lost the woman I loved, ruined a vacation, her birthday. Etc. She wants nothing to do with me. Anyways. I'm pulling myself out of the hole now. Don't feel like I'm going to go back to that dark place. If this is what needed to happen to be sober. So be it. Better things will come by way as long as I do the next right thing for michael.
That's the right attitude Michael. I'm sorry you had to go through all that stuff, but now you've got the chance to rebuild your life better. Get after it mate.
New sub! Great video! You said 白酒 with a great accent. May I ask how long you lived in China and where? Do you discuss that in earlier videos? 您会讲中文吗？Thank you for contributing to a more sober world!!! 😊
Hello! Thank you for watching, and for the comment! I lived in Shanghai for 5 years but travelled extensively throughout China in that time. I love it, and I really miss it. I speak some Chinese, but I don't read it very well. Before I come back, I will hire a tutor, because my lack of dedication to learning Chinese limited my experience there.
@@_BatCountry How neat that you lived in Shanghai for five years!! May I ask when? I could tell you had a solid connection to the place with your excellent accent when you said “baijiu.” When are you hoping to go back? I lived in Beijing on and off for a total of 21 years from 1982 to 2019. Was obviously a truly formative experience. Haven’t been back since the pandemic. My son and his wife are in Beijing right now. I’m a Caucasian American who was a real China fanatic for decades, but the rise of Xi has dampened my enthusiasm to say the least. I still do freelance editing work for Chinese entities, though, so I regularly interact with my employers in a warm way. Best wishes with your channel and your sobriety. I learned about you from LD. BTW, the term “bat country” made me think about the bat caves in Yunnan, which may have given rise to SARS-CoV-2 or its precursor. I wonder what “bat country” means to you. Anyhow, I enjoyed your video and wish you success in developing your channel and ever steady sobriety! 😊😊😊😊
Thanks Stu. A tough topic and well done for not sitting on the fence. My personal view is that it depends on how bad your drinking has become. For those folk smart enough to see their direction of travel and quit before it got terminal, I suspect rock bottom was less of a driver. It tends to be a malaise they have detected (although they will often mention a low point to me). Serious alcoholics need a rock bottom because it’s the only thing that gives you the escape velocity to break the booze’s grip. Real fear for your life has its own energy and motivational power. I also empathise with your feeling of gratitude for all the mess and the rock bottoms. We would still be playing Russian roulette otherwise. Right?
I would say that rock bottoms are necessary, yes. But the point where people reach them looks different for everyone. For some it might be living on the streets with nowhere to go or ending up on the psych ward. Others experience it when they miss class, cant take care of their children or get a DUI. I think to sum it up its the point where you get an "outside glimpse" into your life and you comprehend your situation and the path you are heading down. But even if you experience it, you still need to use it to draw the right conclusions from it. It is still your reponsibility and achievement to make use of your personal rock bottom.
Hi there! Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate your point about taking responsibility. That's tough love right there, and it's difficult for some people to hear, but I personally could not agree more. Thanks again.
@@_BatCountry I think its really good news that even though you might not have Power or control over your consumption you do have the power to make use of your rock bottom and change your life. You are not a victim to your circumstances.
With every substance it was a sort of rock bottom for me, but they weren't all 'standard' in nature. With alcohol I nearly died in a car accident (I was driving drunk). Or maybe rather it was that I nearly killed someone else, cause I had 'just' nearly died before. The torture I endured when I didn't know if I had done it or not (it turned out nothing major happened to that person, just scratches basically) just took my will to drink away, just like that, I did it almost (?) efforlessly. With weed I got dangerous anxiety problems. With some harder drugs, I once failed the trust of a person that helped me immensely in life so much, that again, the mental torture broke the cord. I felt I'm losing my humanity. With nicotine, it was about my spiritual goals. It would require some explaining, and from the outside I'm sure it wouldn't feel understandable to most people. But people addicted to smoking know that there must have been something subjectively very serious at stake for me to succeed. My point is, you DON'T have to actually get close to dying, financial ruin or whatever like that. But be a thinking, reflective person. Look for something that's genuinely important for you. If the substance stays in the way, fight boldly.
I had a doctor who was in recovery himself once who said in his experience the only time people finally stopped drinking was when they "suffered a terrible blow followed by a feeling of being very old." I understand now what he's talking about. Do you find any validity in that? I've seen plenty of both sides - terrible bottoms and some that didn't seem that awful where the person attained long-term sobriety.
Oh man yeah I get that, about feeling old. There's a line in Catch-22 where one of the pilots of a bomber says something like "I'm a moment from death every time I go up, how much older could I feel at my age?" and that's a bit like drinking. I think I've seen more terrible rock bottoms than I have sober people who just wanted to get sober, but I would definitely prefer to see more of the latter and less of the former.
@@_BatCountry That's a great book. I dig the movie too. I don't want to see people fall hard either before quitting. Good video and thanks for replying.
Love your work mate. U should get a hiss filter. Rock bottom is required.. but for some rock bottom may ve relatively benign, eg missing class or getting booked drink driving, whereas for otherstl it may be ending up in prison or the psych ward.
Oh and about the hiss filter: my GOD you won't believe the audio problems I have filming these things. I have two pro mics and an audio xlr ixer with a noise gate, but they're in Germany and I'm in the UK right now. I miss them so much.
I have had a very close relationship with addiction to alcohol. And have been delusional enough to say that I was a “functional” alcoholic. Only to realise that the only thing that “functional” meant in that sentence was that I was able to find a way to get to the nearest off licence or bar personally rather than joining a mail order/subscription alcohol delivery service. Therefore throwing fuel on that fire of alcoholism and making the term “functional” redundant.
everything that you said is me. if i was any less of a raging alcoholic i would be dead shortly. if i didnt hit rock bottom i would have never become sober, i know that. i try to remind myself of this when i feel depressed about its consequences. i have to be grateful because it gave me true life for perhaps the first time. i went to the hospital last week and my liver tests were normal. my old self would have used that as an excuse to keep drinking. it took me so many painful rock bottoms to finally learn. too many to count. it was painful to go through those experiences but it was necessary. i know for me hitting rock and i mean COMPLETE ROCK BOTTOM was essential. even what i perceived as rock bottoms at the time, but werent, were not sufficient. i dont know if this is true for all alcoholics. i suspect that people who end up dying of alcoholism either never had true rock bottoms or were unable to own up to the predicaments they were in, or they had enablers. i think the ones who have enablers are often the ones who die the slow and eventual deaths. my ex wife was not an enabler and helped create my rock bottom, albeit somewhat artificially. i will nonetheless always be grateful to her for that
"my liver tests were normal. my old self would have used that as an excuse to keep drinking." wow that is SO true of my alcoholic attitude too. I used to brag about it. I'd get out of detox and tell people i had the liver of a 17 year old, like I was superhuman. Stupid.
@@_BatCountryyeah in the past that probably would have made me drink even MORE. after I hit my rock bottom I spent a few weeks with a German shaman. he gave me an unlimited supply of mushrooms, DMT, etc. I took what must have been about 50 grams of mushrooms which he said was the most heroic dose hes seen anyone do. I felt pretty normal and he didn't understand how that was possible. it had to be the alcohol use
After 30 painful years of off and on addiction, I found my miserable soul 12 days sober today. I somehow stumbled across your podcast recently and have truly enjoyed listening to every one of your episodes. Some multiple times. They help comfort and calm me through these uncomfortable days. Sobriety or death for certain. With that I’m much grateful to you and for your relatable content. Onward and upward.
Congratulations! I'm glad this stuff is connecting with you, and I truly hope it sticks for you. Onward and upward mate.
My rock bottom was not any particular episode. It was more so the loss of respect from family and friends. It hurt me deeply, yet I was entirely to blame owing to my bouts of binge drinking. I've managed to rebuild some bridges, but not all. Thank you, Stuart
for a space for me to speak my truth.
Glad to hear you are getting it together. You are not alone
12 days sober thats great. Your bound to be happier now tour sober. 👍🏻
It's so strange that I know the dangers of relapse, and yet I do. It's so counterintuitive. Sober today and have been for a few weeks now, so I will take that as a win, however small.
I am here because I am the child of an alcoholic. Your videos help me make sense of my childhood.
I'm glad it connected with you, and I'm desperately sorry for what you had to experience. I hope you're getting through ok.
Rock bottom is an incremental problem, with one rock bottom getting deeper and more scary than the preceding one.
it's rock bottoms all the way down.
They get worse with age.
Hello, comrade. I hope you and your loved ones are well. I see myself in the "second" group of alcoholics: I relapsed this summer after a period of sobriety and fell into a deep hole. My mother, who is the only reason I'm not homeless in Paris, returned from holiday to find me passed out naked on the living room floor, which looked like the aftermath of a three-day party. I was alone all summer and had tidied up just days before. Despite how awful and shameful it sounds, it’s still far from the worst of my many rock bottoms.
I barely woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. When I opened the door, I saw my mum, her face bloody, pants wet, and eyes full of tears. We think she fell on her way home. At 64, it was her first blackout and rock bottom. The neighbors found us both drunk and waited with us for the ambulance. Fortunately, her injuries were superficial and are barely visible now, two weeks later.
I share this because she’s also an alcoholic and told me she never thought she’d hit rock bottom. Neither of us has had a sip since. I agree with you: alcoholics will eventually hit a rock bottom-or many. And maybe that’s necessary. Good luck everyone, take care and once again, thank you Stu.
Dany
I blacked-out two nights ago.
Holy shit - two nights lost. ❤
“You have a drinking problem. You know how I know? Because you’re watching this”
Me, a non drinker: 😮
(But seriously consider the possibility that some of the people watching your videos aren’t watching from the perspective of an alcoholic, but are watching from the perspective of someone who has a loved one struggling with alcoholism. I have multiple alcoholics in my family. My father and oldest brother are recovering alcoholics, my uncle is literally mentally disabled from alcoholism, my grandfather died in part because of his alcoholism, and my other older brother is a current alcoholic who is fucking up his life more and more day by day and is seemingly impossible to reach out to. I love him but he puts out more red flags than a Beijing vexology club. I watch your content to remind myself of his perspective- he won’t admit it but I know him well enough to know that he is aware of what he is doing to himself. I want to be incredibly mad at him, I want to just safe guard my emotions by telling myself “he’s just a selfish piece of shit” and leaving it at that, but I have to remind myself everyday that he’s a person, a human being like anyone else, deeply traumatized by both what he and I and my eldest brother experienced growing up, and his alcoholism is an expression of mental illness no less than my own suicidal depression is. I like to listen to your videos because it puts me into a reference point of what he must go through everyday- the incredible shame and guilt he feels as he indulges more and more, the mental tricks he tries to convince himself of to justify it, the self debasement and mental flagellation that comes with each binge, etc. It reminds the better nature of myself to keep holding on to empathy. Don’t just write him off as hopeless and at total fault and deserving of where his life is at. It reminds me that empathy and compassion is not the same as enablement. I can have boundaries that are clearly and unambiguously stated but still love and care about my brother and genuinely want the best for him- that I can’t hold myself accountable for his inability to take the proper steps to treat his illness, but that I can still be here for him when/if that day one day actually comes.
I want to swear him off for all the pain and grief and embarrassment he’s put my mom through with all this shit- I want to tell myself it’s his just deserts for the awful abusive shit he did to me when I was little- I want to tell him to just get out of my and our mothers life for good, to call him all the things I know haunt him at night, the things that cause him to chase pathetic and unremarkable oblivion down the length of a bottle every morning and every night. But watching content like this, it reminds me that I can’t do that. I shouldn’t do that. If I do that then I’m tacitly endorsing all the worst things I see in the world; I’m consciously selecting the most nihilistic and least charitable perspective possible and making that my default setting- the default template through which I internet all the complexity of the world.
It hurts tremendously. It’s a struggle every day to keep reminding myself of my brother humanity- that he’s just as mentally damaged as I am- that there’s an alternate universe where that’s *me* , not him. But I can’t just give in; I have to hold on to the hope that things can one day be better for him. That he can reach that moment of desperation where he finally reaches out for help, and puts behind him all the unbearable shame that his burdened him his entire life.
I’m not in any of your three groups. I’m just the child of two alcoholics who is trying to understand what happened while I was growing up. Your perspective is incredibly valuable, even to non-drinkers like me. ♥️
Thanks for watching, and I'm glad you see the value in it!
Starting my journey tonight at midnight! Mostly a beer drinker, but realized that the longer one consumes alcohol, the more the negatives start to outweigh the positives. In addition to that, if someone continues to drink, they will never be able to reach their full potential in life. Wish me luck!🤠
Good luck, and keep us posted!
@@nes3843 Goodluck and keep pushing through… I’m 5 weeks today… I found the first two weeks were the hardest.. the voice that talks to you the habit that is there… I did everything to distract myself and gave myself tiny goals.. daily.. hourly… stupid shit.. like making my bed… cleaning the cupboards.. painting my bathroom! Anything and everything especially to cover the weekends… committed to seeing family.. people I avoided when I locked myself away in drinking isolation…. I turned into “yes man” to life and no man to my inner booze voice… just don’t give up or give in. Goodluck and congrats on making the decision for peace. 🙏🙌❤️
Recovering alcoholic (19 years sober). One trick that worked for me, is before you pop that first beer, eat something sweet. I got drunk on red wine. Somehow drinking red wine did not appeal to me after eating a donut. Best of luck.
Good luck! You’re right about that. I was a beer drinker too-but still a drunk who was slowly wasting away
Hope your doing well
I’m first week sober after not a Rock bottom as stuch but on a stag do in which I binged on alcohol and cocaine for 3 days. These podcasts are getting me through and I’ve decided that’s it for me. No more of that lifestyle. I sat on bed and cried to my friends that I’m done. People only see the social me and not the lonesome drinker that I have become.
Keep up the RUclips videos they are amazing! And thankyou.
Well done for making the decision mate. It's gonna be tough, especially for a sociable chap like you, but I can't express adequately how much it's worth it. Thanks for watching, and for the comment.
Thankyou. You’re an inspiration!
I think rock bottom is necessary but I think it just looks different for everyone. Rock bottom is wherever you decide to stop digging. Some people pursue alcohol to the gates of insanity and death. Some people lose everything. But for some people, like myself, we don't need to lose everything. While my drinking was heavy and daily, my bottoms were pretty high. They didn't result in loss of materials or relationships but rather the loss of the will to live. The thing that made my bottoms work to get me to quit was that the alcohol stopped working for me. My demons learned to swim. If alcohol had kept working I wouldn't have quit. The thing that made my last bottom special was the intervention of a fellow while I was hitting bottom. I was brought into the rooms of AA and have held on tight to my seat. I have been warned that all the things that didn't happen to me are only "yets" and that it's easier to stay sober than to get sober. I'll keep my chair and count myself blessed to not have burned down my whole life. I don't need to keep digging, I have the experience of others to learn from.
Congratulations again on your sobriety, and for your ability to talk about it so clearly. "My demons learned to swim." Boom.
I'm happy AA is working for you - and you make a point that I kind of garbled a bit: that you don't need to jump off the cliff yourself to find out it's fatal, people have done it before you.
Thanks for watching and for the comment!
Best ytuber around.
Love your stuff. Agree about the snobbery at some meetings. I, like you drank on a suicide mission and rock bottoms were necessary for recovery. I have been told several times by different individuals following a relapse that , quote ‘I obviously hadn’t had enough pain’…….. The implication being that I should go back out there and carry on drinking and return for support once I had experienced more pain. Madness. Thanks for your hard work on your channel
I suppose what matters it that you're sober today, and not HOW you got sober. But yeah, it is madness.
Thanks for watching, and I really appreciate your supportive comments.
Bat! Great talking points in this one - especially this 👉”I was either going to kill myself or save myself”. Truer words never spoken - a friend in sobriety once told me: “If you start up again, the rock-bottom you are imagining is nowhere close to how bad it will actually be. He was right. The sheer terror, pain, and ruin is truly unfathomable to the sober mind. That is the reality I connect with when a drink sounds like fun. Loved this episode, keep doing you!💫
It's difficult to remember pain afterwards. We have mechanisms to prevent us recalling the pain of, say, breaking a leg, because, if to recall pain was to relive it, none of us would ever be capable of doing anything. I think that's true of alcoholism too: in time, we forget how much it hurts.
Thanks as always for watching and for the comment.
@@_BatCountryI totally agree with you. I’m three months sober and every now and then, I catch myself almost romanizing it. It’s astonishing how our minds can play tricks with memory. It’s very scary!
Love listening to you talk about your experiences. Calming and so honest. This is my 6th time on the sober journey at 52 years old. Been drinking since I was 14. I’m 9 days sober and didn’t necessarily hit a rock bottom but am in so much physical pain that I’ve had to quit again. Plus I was getting super depressed about the state of the world and drinking made it worse. Keep posting! We need voices like yours 😊
There comes a point where drinking ONLY makes things worse, right? Congrats on your sober time so far, long may it continue.
I am in fact a moderate/occasional drinker who enjoys your content. The algorithm recommended you to me, I think because I tend to watch recovery content in general. I used to have an eating disorder, and like all addictions there are similaries. There is a saying in ED recovery that you are indeed "sick enough" to deserve treatment, even if you aren't in hospital, even if you aren't underweight... Start fighting any time, at any point, because you deserve to live a healthy and happy life.
every once in awhile the doubt can enter your brain you forget all the pain and suffering you really have to watch your own thinking and you cant trust it
Every day. Even while making this video, the thought in my head was 'maybe it wasn't as bad as I'm making it sound, maybe I could survive another one.' Absolute madness.
Love your channel. I was one of those that needed a few rock bottoms… and I got them all… I’m in new sobriety. 5 weeks today. Ironically, the last “rock bottom” wasn’t the worst one compared to other 2 “major” ones… but it was the biggest for me.. I’m grateful for each day I am sober. Thanks stu ❤
Congrats on your sobriety. And yeah, my last rock bottom wasn't the worst one. It was just the last one.
@@_BatCountry 🙏🙏🙌
Some of what you say here Bat is probably the reason I sought out this kind of content at this particular time, to make me recall my rock bottoms. Yes, reader, there were several. Ha. Never dreamt I'd find a channel of this calibre mind you. I'm 10 days off 1 year sober & catching myself being overly excited at the prospect - as you might be reaching your target weight after dieting. It feels dangerous to me & I know I need to focus on why I got here. It was as you decribe, death was knocking with violent DTs hand delivered, sectioned and detained for a month, still kept drinking as soon as I went home, I won't go on. Thank you for these videos, they really help.
Oh wow congratulations on your upcoming anniversary! That's fantastic. I'm glad these videos connected with you, and I appreciate your comment.
LD, Liver Disease is such a great man and channel, nice you also follow him
Yeah I agree, he's the best of all of us who do this kind of stuff.
I am here not as a recovering alcoholic, but as a recovering gambling addict. Many of the lessons you speak about can be transferred more or less directly to gambling addiction, and I truly love the format of your videos so thank you for doing this important work. Much love and strength to you and your sobriety
Thank you for the videos. Its Sunday in the UK been awake and sick since 4am waiting for the shops to legally sell alcohol at 10am i hate this. 20+ years of it the last 4 being hell. i can and will get sober the rock bottoms are many and get worse over time. i think if you havent experienced one you may well of experienced a wake up call, the party for me stopped over 10 years ago but nobody told me. friends have died from alcohol yet i keep drinking the WD are hell i check on all your videos and they help a lot. im tired of the pain and the madness. i feel no shame speaking publicly about this i think its important. anyone in pain now, you are not alone. thank you.
Drop everything else! bat country uploaded!
hahahaha thanks mate, always happy to see you in the comments.
Had some sad news this week that a close relative has lung cancer. Sadly i did not cope with the news and got drunk and gambled at a land based casino until 5 in the morning. Was all day in bed yesterday but am sober now. Alcoholism and gambling are a lethal combination. The anxiety yesterday almost killed me. I do not intend to drink again!
Best luck!
You might need a few extra tools to help you cope with bad news, because alcohol ain't helpful. Now you got TWO problems. I hope you're doing better today, and you get it beat for the long term.
Thanks mate. I am determined to beat it this time. Keep the videos coming. 👍🏻
The road to success has bends in it, friend. It’s not a straight shot, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Rock bottoms always made the situation worse for me. Trauma = drinking...
However, dragging your balls through mud - the constant minuses of being a drunkard is what convicted me I want to quit. Im just so tired of my drinking!
Yeah, for some people a rock bottom can just be a slow accumulation of things. I think that might be healthier way to end the drinking.
I'm a few years older and have been drunk since I was 17. I'm worried you're right about rock bottom. I don't believe I've hit that low but have come close at times. Beer is mostly my poison and it is everywhere.
39 is a good age to get sober. Health issues catch up big time mid to late 40’s most alcoholics die in their early 50’s.
I hope you're right mate. I'm also glad I got a handle on it in my 30s.
From my experience, rock bottoms can be different for everyone. My first bout with alcholism lasted for 4 years. It only stopped when i was just so disgusted with myself for all of the problems i was causing my family, when i had consumed the last booze in the house, i never bought any more. The problems that this caused my family, unfortunately, continue to this day
At least your sober. Congratulations!
The rock bottom is completely misrepresenting yourself as a human being while drunk. entering a relationship because of it and completely destroying their life through absolutely no fault of their own because you only know how to communicate and represent yourself while drunk.
Absolutely. So many of us fall into that trap without realising we're doing it. Thanks for the insight mate.
Wow Stuart, your videos really hit deep and go where others fear to tread yet are essential viewing for those of us who continue to wrestle with alcohol abuse in one guise or the other. Keep up the great work.
Thank you for another great video. ❤
Thanks for watching and for your support!
Thanks for the content and thanks for sharing brother, it's really appreciated and keeps me sober.
Thanks for watching and supporting the content, Vogel!
@@_BatCountry You're welcome. The fact that I never hit rock bottom made the alcoholism linger on for 1,5 decade. Wish I hit one earlier tbh.
I think most of us really learn through suffering. And the people who can have compassion are the people who have been through hell.
Very true.
Love you man! Thanks! Rock bottom? Which one? The last one was waking up on a Sunday with a headache and pain. Looking in the mirror to see a hell of a black eye from falling with my bicycle after being kicked out of a club. To work on Monday, going home nauseous and dizzy. Went to see a doctor and he congratulated me with surviving the first 24 hours of a concussion! Because sleeping which a concussion can lead to a coma, I live alone who would have found me in time? Probably nobody! This scared the hell out of me. And I knew things had to change. So I didn’t quit but started drinking less and moderatel which kind of seemed to work. Until I found myself in the pub until closing time, while I only wanted to drink a few. The next week again….. took me 1,5 years (well actually 20+ years) to really quit. 3 months sober now.
3 months is huge, congratulations mate. You should be proud of making a difficult change. Long may it continue.
Man, I’m definitely in that 3rd category and I needed to hear this. I’m in the midst of quitting so much other shit and clinging to alcohol bc it’s socially acceptable but really it’s just another drug. I don’t think I’m so bad that I need to cut it out entirely, and maybe that’s just me being blind to my addiction. But I definitely need to cut down and just keep drinking for parties. Thank you for alerting me to the dangers of alcohol. I’m still a college student so I feel like it’s normal to drink this much but I find myself drinking on days my friends don’t and missing my classes. I needed this wake up call. You’ve got a new sub. I need to sober up entirely to get my life back on track. Thank you
Thank you, and welcome to the channel. I really hope you decide to get a handle on it as soon as possible. If you're in college and you're already watching Bat Country videos, I hate to say it, but the outlook is worrying. There's an email address in the description if you wanna tell me what's on your mind.
Great video my friend! Thank you for doing what you do!!! God bless😊😊😊
Back at ya, buddy. You're the lighthouse.
Fascinating stuff. Dark but true. I don't have a rock bottom story because I bailed out of boozing two years ago due to anxiety and depressions drinking caused me. I almost feel guilty when I tell them this at AA.
That's exactly the AA attitude I was attacking here: no one should feel guilty that their rock bottom isn't as low as someone else's.
What matters right now is that you made it. Congratulations.
We are all on a journey on different paths in all directions that may happen to intersect through our common or shared experiences of life happy or not so happy.
Those like you who take time out to help others in really bad times and or places bring them the most powerful gift of all "Hope' and its endless boundless possibilities.
Lots of people family friends and total strangers helped to save my life from alcohol but two individuals helped me get sober and stay sober.
You sir right now do that for those who are where i was and are stopping others from going there.
Thank you Bat.
Thank you for this wonderful comment, and congratulations on your progress so far. Long may it continue.
Your rock bottom can simply be realising that over time most of us don't drink less alcohol, even those without alcohol problems. 90% of the time the addiction grows and if it's bad now, it will be 10% worse tomorrow. I wish I'd reached out when I was 20 for help as it would have saved 10 years of traumatic nights. We don't need to introduce more trauma into our lives to stop drinking, we deserve better.
Edit : The attitude you describe in AA about having to reach rock-bottom to be taken seriously is a massive problem. If you consume an addictive drug for long enough you will become addicted, just like if you try to set fire to your apartment for long enough you'll eventually succeed. Some apartments are more fire retardant than others, but eventually they will burn and so will we. The important thing to remember is that we don't need to be setting ourselves on fire with an addictive poisonous drug. Early intervention is imperative as by the time AA is a option a lot of unnecessary damage has taken place and it starts to become a macabre one-up-manship game of "well look at me and how fucked up I was".
Oh wow your edit is SO on point - I hope you don't mind if I quote that from time to time? God I just read it back, that's so powerfully true. Huge thanks for the thoughtful comment, and thanks for watching.
@@_BatCountryso true! And everyone’s rock bottom is different. The worse you’ve seen is the worse you’ve seen, period. The nadir of the bottom is radically individual and each person only knows their own - no one else can EVER judge it.
@@Goodvibes-gu8dv Yep, I drank again after 7 years sober after my mother died. It was a slow descent and if I continued along that path I'd hit a conventional rock bottom in 15 years probably. It's the direction of travel that's important to note and I was heading downward. We choose the sober path for a reason, if we deviate from the path we can't afford to put that reason to the back of our mind, getting back on course immediately is the only way to stay sane. We're in it and on it for life.
Fantastic literary use and description here. Exceedingly refreshing.
Ah thanks, I really appreciate that.
A very interesting question in this video. Yes, i think some do need a rock bottom. Problem is, it should be prevented, because it can be deadly, but then there are people that will ignore every warning and they need to see for themselves, how bad it gets and how much damage it does. Some things can't be really described in words, you need to feel it. You can tell people about withdrawal, delirium tremens etc. but they won't understand it before they got it. Sad but true.
You're absolutely right. If it was easy as telling someone not to drink because it can get bad, no one would dink. A lot of us feel like we're the exception, and it won't be bad for us.
Thank you for this video. Found you through LD's page. Some of us get so used to the suffering. And the cyles become normal. I thought I hit rock bottom so many times. Even after homelessness and couch surfing for years, I thought the problem was my ability to moderate, lol. It took from 11 years-old to 42 (just turned 43) to really see and learn to get and KEEP my shit together. So amazing how different it is for all of us. Like when we first learn as babes that fire burns. A lot of kiddos instantly stear clear of the flame from then on, others are drawn towards it and continue to get burned, some learn to master it. I'm finally learning to master this, "one friggin day at a time"! IF YOURE READING THIS, DONT GIVE UP, KEEP GOING! It takes a while to really start feeling like just yourself, then there are other issues that can arise, like underlying health issues, etc. And all the consequences of actions can be very long lasting,like financial repair, etc. It is all part of it. KEEP GOING🙏❤
Thanks so much, and welcome to the channel. (And pass my thanks onto LD if you get an opportunity, I really love his channel. It's been so helpful to so many of us.)
Your point about different personalities - being drawn to the flame or being afraid of it - really stopped me in my tracks. That's a great perspective.
Congratulations on your sobriety. One day at a time.
Thank you! Will do. Congrats to you as well🙏❤️ One day at a time.
I had 3 rock bottoms and a recent relapse. let my guard down after 4 1/2 months. Back at it strong again now.
You got this mate. Onwards and upwards.
Another masterful video. Well said, all of it. I can’t agree more with your points of view on the personal importance of a real rock bottom. That’s not to say sobriety can’t be achieved without one, but it is to say that there are various kinds of alcoholics. I’m the kind, like you, who needed to get crushed under a massive boulder of a rock bottom.
This channel has become the new content I look forward to more than any thing else on youtube. And that goes to your point about the distinct types of people who are watching this video. As a member of the group of viewers who enjoy longterm sobriety after coming back from the nihilistic depths of 24/7 active alcoholism, I think what I enjoy most about these stories is they end up making me feel good about myself. Feeling proud of myself for not giving up through the drinking and withdrawls so I could live long enough to get sober.
You are so good at reminding me of just how bad it was when I lived in a prison of my own making. Because of that, I always feel like a champion inside when your videos end. Because although I got knocked down many times, I got up enough times to finally throw the last punch and remain standing. And that’s pretty badass.
You SHOULD feel proud. You beat it. You overcame all that stuff and left it behind. That's power, right there.
Just wanted to say that I am that fourth group of non alcoholics who just finds your content interesting. I think it's a combination of educating myself to safeguard against any unhealthy behaviour in myself or others and to make sense of the experiences of alcoholics in my life. But your storytelling is interesting enough in itself to merit watching
"There are no passengers on a channel like this" : here I am 🤠. I never liked alcohol so much. I found your channel on the bottom of a rabbit hole I have fallen into. I have become obsessed with addiction stories after moving to Europe from a 3rd world country and seing so many hopeless people on the streets. I was convinced it was mostly addiction that could turn the residents of the prosperous french city I used to live in into incoherent shadows of what they once were (excluding the poor lucid immigrants who did not have the priviledge that allowed me to be integrated in my new home's society). Your channel showed me there is still hope for them, they just need help. Maybe they are all going through their own separate rock bottom, whatever their issue is. I hope as many of them can get out of this. Thank you for your amazing content!
Love it. Great vid!
Thank you Atlas!
My situation might be unique but I didn't have a rock bottom, I just had a moment of clarity and an understanding that I wasn't getting anything out of drinking. I made a decision to stop and it was easy (easy so far, 11 months).
The reason i am making this comment is that I bet there are a lot of people, maybe not the majority, but a lot, that could simply just stop drinking today and not miss it. Give it a shot, it might be easier than you fear. Nothing to lose by trying.
Thanks for the video Mate, appreciate your honesty and advice.
Thanks for watching, and for the support.
Thanks for having the courage to make this thoughtful content. I was going to Narcotics anonymous 10 years ago because of weed but I slipped and drank alcohol a few times. But I had never experienced many consequences due to my addictions. I found NA helpful and hearing the horror stories from those addicts was helpful. But my sponsor was frustrated and said maybe I need to “go back out there “ and come back when my addiction was worse. He may have been right, but I felt it was pretty unsupportive. I was trying to work the steps. Well my addiction did get worse, especially alcohol, and now I’m much more motivated to be sober. I still haven’t had a “bottom” exactly but things got bad I made a decision to quit. I do not want to lose my health, job and everything, so I still have that fear and desperation to stay sober. Your videos help.
That is... unusual advice. But I don't know all the details, so maybe your sponsor was right. I'm glad you're more motivated now. How's it going?
Yes, it is unusual advice. I could feel his frustration with my relapses. It is going really well with alcohol sobriety and I congratulate myself regularly. Unfortunately my other addictive behaviors, like gambling, addictive sexual behavior and sugar, have been more active and causing unmanageability in my life. I’m doing some recovery work but don’t really have sobriety from those at the moment
I had to go homeless before I stopped. When I went homeless I moved back to WA state where they have better programs for veterans than TX and I was able to try cannabis. It turned out I was self mediating my PTSD with alcohol, now I use cannabis which is much safer. Now when I get stressed I have a puff or two instead of getting black out drunk.
That's progress. Ya know, even as a Brit I get a lot of US veterans telling me how bad veteran care is. I really feel for you mate, and I'm glad you're doing better today.
@@_BatCountry Veterans Affairs Canada has been reimbursing the cost of cannabis for medical purposes for Veterans in increasing numbers and at an increased cost. Yet here in the US nothing. But I can get all the opioids and Xanax I want.
@4204PTSD
I used to drink & take Klonipin, the withdrawals & DTs from the mix of benzos & alcohol is a real nightmare,
& potentially lethal..
@@words4dyslexicon I googled so much about veterans and the VA drugs and I have yet to meet one or see one that is happy and functional on their pills. But every veteran I see at the dispo has a smile and is excited to get their medication.
I'm a passenger. I just like different perspectives on life. You're a good storyteller too.
I had so many “rock bottoms” during my last 4 years of heavy drinking. After my last relapse I ended up in the hospital, taken by force by the police. After the hospital I started drinking again for two weeks, mostly because I was so ashamed what I did. Going to AA meetings in this period helped me to stay sober and to process this terrible shame. Somehow, I managed to stay sober for more than 6 months. I really don’t want to go back where I was but my sick mind romanticises drinking. When I see sometimes an alcoholic in the street, homeless or in a very bad shape, my alcoholic brain says “oh it is not that bad, he can drink and forget”. In such moments I’m scared that there is not enough hard rock bottom for me and I will go back to drinking. Someone once told me that for a chronic alcohol like me there is an alter tube: sobriety or “hospital, prison or death”. I was in hospital and I hope I will have the strength not to go back.
I hope you don't go back either Pawel. But I know that weird romanticism you mentioned. Sometimes, I'll be doing my dayjob, having meetings and being busy, and a little bit of my brain is still injecting thoughts like, "life would be better if I was an alcoholic living in a ruined old shack in rural Belarus or something." So weird.
I agree with you for the most part, Stu. I think most adults who consume alcohol will have a point in their drinking career in which they have to evaluate their relationship with the bottle. For many, that will look something similar to what you described with the young person missing class. Maybe its showing up late to work a few times and getting a warning for decreased performance, or going overboard for a time after a breakup to the point where a close friend expresses concern. Perhaps its driving home intoxicated and not getting caught but feeling horrible that you actually got behind the wheel. Or pissing your friend's bed after a particularly raucous party. Even relative "problem drinkers" can find the motivation to stop after these so-called "minor" brushes with alcohol. But there is a certain breed of drinker (dare I say like you and me) that will not stop there. Only the rockiest of rock bottoms (hospitals, institutions, death) can be the catalyst for one of us.
"I'm grateful that those memories hurt". Amen, Stu. The words "rock bottom" don't necessarily mean that we are at the bottom of a ravine, upside down and on fire...but the reality for many is that some catastrophic event must be added to the recipe for sobriety.
I am no exception. In Chapter 3 of the Big Book of AA, the first three paragraphs brilliantly describe our journeys to the bitter end. Either of life, or the bitter end of our drinking.
I'll spare all of you from typing those three paragraphs, but will mention one of the key ingredients...the "Pitiful, and Incomprehensible Demoralization". THAT is the "rock bottom" we must face, where only one question needs to be asked..."Do I want to live or die"?
✌❤ Mark
Yeah, it doesn't really matter what form that demoralisation takes. However it manifests, a rock bottom is personal. Thanks for the wisdom!
@@_BatCountry I enjoy the way you present things in a thoughtful, calm, and humble manner. THAT, my friend is a program of attraction, not promotion! All the best, Mark
Thank you, Bat Country. 1 month sober tomorrow and I watch your videos to help me get me through the tough times. Looking forward to the next one!
Really enjoying your videos. Wish I’d played them to my partner who died in June aged 56. Death was his rock bottom…hope your video helps someone…thank you
Thank you, and I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. How are you coping? Are you going to alanon or anything like that?
It’s actually videos like this that are helping me cope and realise that there was very little I could have done to bring about change…if the change wasn’t wanted…really hope that viewers take heed of your powerful messages.. also think about the consequences of their actions, of which there are many…
Thanks for your content, fascinating and insightful as always. Anyway, after 40 years of drinking, often binge drinking as I can't seem to grasp moderation, I've quit, over 2 months sober now. I indeed hit rock bottom, I came home from a bender, got into a row with my wife and daughter, launched a torrent of 4 letter abuse at them, had kind of a complete hit the fuck it button and there you go, I can't unsay it despite loving them dearly. My health had been clearly suffering due to alcohol aswell, internal pains, depression on days that I didn't drink, just felt like absolute shit. Would drink heavy, even at home while being policed by my worried daughter, mainly weekends and days off ( shift worker ). You probably get the picture now, although not entirely physically dependent, I was probably creeping out of the middle lane. Thanks again for your channel
Thanks for watching. I'm sorry to hear about your bottoming out, it hurts doesn't it? This is probably boring advice, but the kind of drinking you described sounds to me a like a lack of fulfilment. That hits men quite hard. You got any interests outside work and family stuff?
Yes, I play guitar and write songs, sometimes play in a band, music is my main interest outside work and family life. Thanks for your reply. Appreciate it
Such brilliant insights mate. I was alot like you. Trying to rebuild all that I lost. Just a day by day deal brother. I almost killed myself on the drink. Hopefully never again. No one else there speaks the truth like you do my friend..Take care hey❤
the end of your video struck me like lightning! well done and...well and....done! powerful stuff mate! keep up the amazing content, we need it.
Great video Bat Country. My opinion, “rock bottom” is subjective. Many addicts have several rock bottoms. I think that one decides when they’ve had enough when they are either faced with death (at times that’s not enough) or just sick of being sick and tired. I’m here to learn from others with more experience. I definitely removed the blinders and see clearly. Thank you and hope all is well.
Very interesting Bat. Drinking alcoholically is like a train journey to hell.....thing is you can get off at any stop you like.
I never hit a rock bottom that convinced me I was dying, but I did hit many rock bottoms on the way, but never saw
them because of the many devices alcohol uses to keep me drinking, for example denial, minimalization etc.
I see myself like the guy in the films falling through multiple floors of a building, one after another....on the way down.
Although I never hit a rock bottom "to end all rock bottoms" I got sober through intervention, and now have 44 years
continuous sobriety. You may think you have hit rock bottom, but you can always go down another 6 feet !
Keep them great videos coming man!!!!!
I'm always impressed by people who say they've had delirium tremens more than once, because I'd never accuse someone who's been through that of needing a harder bottom. I had several rock bottoms in my drinking career, but a one-time encounter with delirium tremens turned me around rather convincingly. I drank suicidally, and DT cured me of the delusion that death was an escape-- or an end. Quite the opposite, the demons in my hallucinations celebrated that I was voluntarily torturing myself up here; they thought it was funny that I had a head start on my punishment. That's how much of a mind-fuck DT is, and I'm in awe of people who go back for seconds/thirds.
I've seen those demons too, more than once, unfortunately.
I can't explain why anyone would go back for seconds, unless it was for completely self-destructive reasons. Thanks for watching mate!
Damn, I never get tired of listening to you. I think you would do well on any topic, actually.
You have become my saviour my brother. You are the only one that I listen to. Thankyou so much mate. I watch everything you are creating. You literally have saved my mate. ❤ Big love to you brother from Australia 🇦🇺
You have the most calming and pleasant voice I've ever come across. I come here to help me understand my friend, who's incredibly dear to me, but also incredibly destructive. I've never personally been fond of alcohol or understand the incentive to use it, I think some people are just more vulnerable to it than others. I'm trying to be safe around him and create boundaries, he knows how much his weird paranoias freak me out, having grown up with a severely schizophrenic mom... I try to keep myself save, and him as long as it's not putting me in danger, but I don't think he has the will to stop for... well, forever. That someone as eloquent and insightful like you struggles, too, helps me understand how incredibly lost he is to this, I think. Like he has no will to fight, too exhausted... how do you come up with the will to live, after having gone through all that? Dont answer if you don't want to, that's deeply personal of course. Thank you for all you do, educating ignorant people like me and calming me down, thank you so much! ❤
Had some pretty.miserable rock bottoms in the last 2 years. Most of which involved falling over. Had a small relapse (3 day bender) 3 weeks ago which I am now thankful for as it confirmed there can be no more and moderation does not exist anymore in my life. Other than that 5 months sober.
Hey I'm back after vacation! Love this video. Reminds me of something a friend said to me once. One of my first jobs when I was 13 was painting triple decker houses in Dorchester and I was terrified being up that high on a ladder. You could hear the aluminum (aluminium for you brits) ladder shaking for blocks around. Anyways, he said to me "just remember, it's not the fall that hurts. It's the sudden stop at the bottom." I use that little pepe talk now to pertain to my alcoholism. It's not when I start drinking that hurts, it's the rock bottom where the hurt happens. Anyways. Good stuff as always man. Glad to see your channel is doing so well. New content coming from me soon.
WELCOME BACK!
Yeah that sudden stop will kill ya.
Looking forward to your new stuff mate.
Hi Bat Country. I really appreciate your stories and I relate to your self annihilating style of bender drinking interspersed with long periods of health and fitness. Forgive me if you have spoken of this before, but have you acquired any health problems as a result of your boozey escapades? I was told by a doctor that while my liver was ok, If I continued on this path it would eventually become scarred in its attempts to save itself from the repeated onslaught of liquid poison. I’m curious to see how you are. How are your blood tests? Thanks! And apologies if this is an invasive question to which you don’t wish to disclose an answer. That’s fine too.
Hey Matt! I haven't had any major bloodwork done for a while, but it looks like I dodged most of the worst organ damage. I'm pretty sure my brain is the worst affected and my blood pressure is a little high, but I believe my liver and kidneys are in good shape. You have to bear in mind, though, that I was very fit and healthy before the alcohol got on top of me. I was a martial arts guy and a long distance runner, and I think that benefitted me. Good question though.
Thank you! Got this!😊
Yes, people like you, and people like me, the all or nothing types. One day, I am like a chopper bike, the next day a Ferrari, nothing in-between. What I love about your channel is how you describe your rock bottoms in such detail, that those who listen can picture themselves there. It feels so real. I can understand the girl, in the rain, in the garden. I feel like that daily, wishing I wasn't here. I keep replaying the ending of your video, hoping it will help me, but it's so scary. Your videos give me hope. Thank you again. X
You're on your way to one million-plus. Well deserved.
Oh thanks Rich! Fingers crossed :D
Im always grateful that my rock bottom wasn't that bad as i thought (traumatized tho).
It was a net nuetral.
Im grateful that i didnt end up worse. I'm grateful for my brain to sorta realize something is wrong and unconsciously making me change.
My heart goes out to other addicts 😢. Its a scary and painful process to change, but you are worth it. Its not easy to look at your inner demons and say that you are worth it.
Happiness has to be fought for.
There is a 4th group watching: those of us feeling an abundance of caution due to genetic predisposition and or an addictive personality. I drink at most once a month, and last time was 2 months ago, but addiction runs in my family, and I can feel the addictive properties every time I indulge in alcohol.
I am a 23 year old woman from Norway who finally reached my rock bottom some weeks ago. I realized that I was emotionally distant from people because of my drinking problem. (I've been drinking every weekend since the age of 16). I had to feel that life was UTTERLY meaningless, I had become a shell of a person with no emotions, full of fear, full of resentment towards life and others, anxiety, ruminating the same shitty thoughts again and again, not trusting peoples good intentions and so on. It came to a point where i thought as positive emotions as shamefull/ridiculous and something i should hide.
I recently moved into my own appartment, have quitted my job 2 times already (I am lucky to come back), and I was searching for meaning. I did NOT realize that drinking made me emotionally distant from everything i loved.
I realized in this grey state of mind that nothing has meaning unless i give it meaning. But how could i make something meaningful (conversations or the fact that I have everything I need)?
I had to fix my emotions, I just had to, no longer distancing myself emotionally (or as my psychologist back some months said: The patient has problems with intimate connections and intellectualizes feelings).
Emotional connections to others is the core of everything in life. What's the point of having all these great things in life if you don't have people to share with?
Family and friends.
I have been sober for 12 days now, and now i can clearly see how alcohol affected me emotionally. I am slowly turning back to my normal self, being happy and calm within myself, and confident.
I do also have a lot of emotional depth to my family..
It's time to stop drinking when your life feels meaningless.
I believe in you, love from me
Ya know, I get a conspicuously large amount of comments from young people in Northern Europe, what the hell is going on up there?
Congratulations n your sobriety, and on your obvious ability to look inwards. I understand the concern your psychologist has for intellectualising your feelings, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing in moderation. What matters is you've recognised where your problems come from, and you're seeking a better life. We're all behind you, and I sincerely hope it sticks for you in the long term.
Keep us posted.
@@_BatCountry Thank you for replying
"The torpedo moment" aka when you really torpedo your life or rock bottom. The DUI, the family breakdown, the job loss, the homelessness, the debilitating injury. Dig, dig, dig.
Let's say I'm an overeater, which I am. I love food. In some ways I think it replaces my drinking. I say, "I deserve good food because I don't drink." Fine. I don't have to become 600 lbs before I can start to cut back on carbs. Eventually I can start some cardio. I already do some weight training etc. I think a person who is dependent on alcohol can wean off, before there's one or many major catastrophes. Maybe they can even occasionally have a drink. Or they can't. But the trick is knowing oneself. I'm convinced everyone knows where they are.
For me groups have never been helpful with anything. I do better when no one is around, except for therapy. But that's me. My path is dealing with earlier trauma and trying to avoid future trauma. Because I know this is where my tendency to overdo the drinking lives. Do other things that I care about instead of drinking. Music, writing, making videos sometimes and hopefully more. My therapist helped me understand that I have to know myself. Not everyone else. Just me. But I have to know that at my peril. If I don't respect that for which my soul is crying... eventually my soul will want to leave. I can't just hurt myself over and over and expect it to be OK.
I have to write, rest, create music and most of all continue my relationship with Jesus. What groups call the higher power although for me it's much deeper than that. But my friend ended up in a halfway house for a year. He lost organs from his body. Yet he still relapsed and is now in the hospital again although he won't say why. So, to me the spoiler is that everyone is unique. You have to do what is right for you. If you don't honor that, bad things will happen. It's inevitable.
There's always more. I could go on about this for hours. Ask for help. If you can't have a drop of alcohol then please, please do not have a drop. Some people can't stop gambling. I can't imagine losing everything and still not understanding that I'm not professional gambler. I saw a guy on a motorcycle just last night standing on the seat doing wheelies. How many horrible motorcycle accidents have I heard about? Yet for him, somehow this makes sense. I can't see it. Only he can see it.
Thank you for another thoughtful and powerful comment my friend!
The kindest and most intelligent voice on the subject x
Thank you for doing this.
Thanks for watching!
For me it was a moment of introspection granted to me by a fellow sober alcoholic. Got to know her at a university party, had a joint and talked and she already knew that I was an alcoholic because of my crazy drinking tempo and my looks actually (was pretty puffy back then due to it). I also had bad symptoms, constant headaches and hangovers, vommiting, heartburn, liver pain and bloody piss and diarrhea. All of that was not enough to stop me, I knew I had a serious problem but I just ignored it. After the talk i couldn't anymore and started my journed to sobriety. Not my darkest hour, but an act of compasion and understanding helped me.
Oh that's such an interesting perspective - I wish I'd taken the time to think about the power of an empathetic intervention rather than a rock bottom. To be honest though, I think your experience, as mature and admirable as it is, is in a small minority. Congratulations though, that story cheered me up. Thanks for sharing it.
@@svens.2876 How long did it take after you stopped drinking for the symptoms you described to start going away?
I have never been a raging alcoholic, just a steady drinker for most of my life. I started getting liver pain, so I stopped. I had no withdrawal or problems but I’m worried I left it too late as three weeks later I still feel an odd sensation in my liver, not pain per se, just inflamed I am guessing. Thank you for posing your story on this amazing channel. You are all strong people and inspire me to do better for myself.
@@_BatCountry yeah I fear so as well I also have to admit that in my head I was very close already to quitting, I already accepted that I was an alcoholic at that point so I really just needed a mirror I think. Won't be "as easy" for everyone, and I'd say the whole process from "I got no problem" to "fuck it lets drink myself slowly to death" and stopping took 3 years at least.
@@eden1588 I tempered off in the beginning, from 3-4 to liters of wine to 0,5 liters of cidre. After 2 weeks I fully stopped. Got lucky, no real withdrawals and I had drug counseling for a half a year as well to help with the mental side of things. Headaches, hangovers and nausea basically went and gone after 1-2 weeks as well as the "headfog". My digestive system, liver and kidney still hurt sometimes after 1 1/2 years. My doctor did a ultrasound scan and said its ok though and by bloodtest is also fine so no inflammation anymore. I have some level of inflammation of my stomach lining though. I also now have peripheral neuropathy, I noticed it half a year after I stopped. Pretty sure I had symptoms before but didn't notice.
Hey bat country long time subscriber here. I’ve heard about your podcasts which I think is so awesome. Would you consider bringing other sober RUclips channels on the podcast? Like liver disease, it’s okay to talk, slayer sober, shades o clarity?
Hey Jeff! Always happy to see you in the comments.
Yeah, some of us talk behind the scenes about collaborations. I'm on board in principle.
@@_BatCountry thank you your videos are great
Just over a year sober. Rock bottom is definitely when you stop digging. I decided when I got sober that if I ever relapse it will be preceding suicide so the stakes are fairly high now :)
I absolutely feel you there. The next relapse will be the last one, so it can't happen again for me. Congrats on your sober time, and thanks for the comment!
I wish I knew you in person. It would help me so much.
Nah, I'm kind of an idiot in person. But I do appreciate the love.
great video
Thanks for watching, and for the support.
This was helpful thanks
I was just a social blackout drinker!!
got carried home by two friends one time from the liquor store i somehow weeble wobble lurched my way back the one block to store before closing time & same friends threw me in van to drop me back home told me if I came back to store stee-rike 3
I was on my own cuz they couldn't drive anymore,
so u see it was all social..🤷🏼
The lies we tell ourselves, huh?
I love you more than you know
Thanks so much mate, that's very good for my self-esteem :)
🎯
I hope you stay good mate. You are a legend
2 weeks sober from Orlando Florida. Had my rock bottom that lasted 2.5 months. Lost the woman I loved, ruined a vacation, her birthday. Etc. She wants nothing to do with me. Anyways. I'm pulling myself out of the hole now. Don't feel like I'm going to go back to that dark place. If this is what needed to happen to be sober. So be it. Better things will come by way as long as I do the next right thing for michael.
That's the right attitude Michael. I'm sorry you had to go through all that stuff, but now you've got the chance to rebuild your life better. Get after it mate.
@_BatCountry thank you for the kind words of support. All we have is today. One day at a time. I definitely never want to be in that dark place again.
Happy Labor Day Weekend! Thumbs Up 👍 and shared out.💞
New sub! Great video! You said 白酒 with a great accent. May I ask how long you lived in China and where? Do you discuss that in earlier videos? 您会讲中文吗？Thank you for contributing to a more sober world!!! 😊
Hello! Thank you for watching, and for the comment! I lived in Shanghai for 5 years but travelled extensively throughout China in that time. I love it, and I really miss it. I speak some Chinese, but I don't read it very well. Before I come back, I will hire a tutor, because my lack of dedication to learning Chinese limited my experience there.
@@_BatCountry How neat that you lived in Shanghai for five years!! May I ask when? I could tell you had a solid connection to the place with your excellent accent when you said “baijiu.” When are you hoping to go back? I lived in Beijing on and off for a total of 21 years from 1982 to 2019. Was obviously a truly formative experience. Haven’t been back since the pandemic. My son and his wife are in Beijing right now. I’m a Caucasian American who was a real China fanatic for decades, but the rise of Xi has dampened my enthusiasm to say the least. I still do freelance editing work for Chinese entities, though, so I regularly interact with my employers in a warm way. Best wishes with your channel and your sobriety. I learned about you from LD. BTW, the term “bat country” made me think about the bat caves in Yunnan, which may have given rise to SARS-CoV-2 or its precursor. I wonder what “bat country” means to you. Anyhow, I enjoyed your video and wish you success in developing your channel and ever steady sobriety! 😊😊😊😊
@@_BatCountryP.S. I have two RUclips accounts but mainly use this one for commenting, etc. Have a lovely day!😊😊
Great stuff, as always 👍
As an alcoholic who lives in China, I am glad I was never able to stomach Baijiu. Stuff is dirt cheap and deadly.
Isn't there a Chinese idiom, something like you have to have 1000 shots before you learn to like it? I definitely liked it a bit too much. xie xie!
Thanks Stu. A tough topic and well done for not sitting on the fence. My personal view is that it depends on how bad your drinking has become. For those folk smart enough to see their direction of travel and quit before it got terminal, I suspect rock bottom was less of a driver. It tends to be a malaise they have detected (although they will often mention a low point to me). Serious alcoholics need a rock bottom because it’s the only thing that gives you the escape velocity to break the booze’s grip. Real fear for your life has its own energy and motivational power. I also empathise with your feeling of gratitude for all the mess and the rock bottoms. We would still be playing Russian roulette otherwise. Right?
I would say that rock bottoms are necessary, yes. But the point where people reach them looks different for everyone. For some it might be living on the streets with nowhere to go or ending up on the psych ward. Others experience it when they miss class, cant take care of their children or get a DUI. I think to sum it up its the point where you get an "outside glimpse" into your life and you comprehend your situation and the path you are heading down. But even if you experience it, you still need to use it to draw the right conclusions from it. It is still your reponsibility and achievement to make use of your personal rock bottom.
Hi there! Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate your point about taking responsibility. That's tough love right there, and it's difficult for some people to hear, but I personally could not agree more. Thanks again.
@@_BatCountry I think its really good news that even though you might not have Power or control over your consumption you do have the power to make use of your rock bottom and change your life. You are not a victim to your circumstances.
With every substance it was a sort of rock bottom for me, but they weren't all 'standard' in nature.
With alcohol I nearly died in a car accident (I was driving drunk). Or maybe rather it was that I nearly killed someone else, cause I had 'just' nearly died before. The torture I endured when I didn't know if I had done it or not (it turned out nothing major happened to that person, just scratches basically) just took my will to drink away, just like that, I did it almost (?) efforlessly.
With weed I got dangerous anxiety problems.
With some harder drugs, I once failed the trust of a person that helped me immensely in life so much, that again, the mental torture broke the cord. I felt I'm losing my humanity.
With nicotine, it was about my spiritual goals. It would require some explaining, and from the outside I'm sure it wouldn't feel understandable to most people. But people addicted to smoking know that there must have been something subjectively very serious at stake for me to succeed.
My point is, you DON'T have to actually get close to dying, financial ruin or whatever like that. But be a thinking, reflective person. Look for something that's genuinely important for you. If the substance stays in the way, fight boldly.
I don't understand where and which way is rock bottom for me. I truly want to get sober. I'm plus 50
Stop making excuses and get your ass to AA. That's where you start - in a room full of sober people.
I had a doctor who was in recovery himself once who said in his experience the only time people finally stopped drinking was when they "suffered a terrible blow followed by a feeling of being very old." I understand now what he's talking about. Do you find any validity in that? I've seen plenty of both sides - terrible bottoms and some that didn't seem that awful where the person attained long-term sobriety.
Oh man yeah I get that, about feeling old. There's a line in Catch-22 where one of the pilots of a bomber says something like "I'm a moment from death every time I go up, how much older could I feel at my age?" and that's a bit like drinking. I think I've seen more terrible rock bottoms than I have sober people who just wanted to get sober, but I would definitely prefer to see more of the latter and less of the former.
@@_BatCountry That's a great book. I dig the movie too. I don't want to see people fall hard either before quitting. Good video and thanks for replying.
Love your work mate. U should get a hiss filter.
Rock bottom is required.. but for some rock bottom may ve relatively benign, eg missing class or getting booked drink driving, whereas for otherstl it may be ending up in prison or the psych ward.
Yeah you're right, we interpret them differently. They don't always have to be wild and dramatic and terrifying.
Oh and about the hiss filter: my GOD you won't believe the audio problems I have filming these things. I have two pro mics and an audio xlr ixer with a noise gate, but they're in Germany and I'm in the UK right now. I miss them so much.
I have had a very close relationship with addiction to alcohol. And have been delusional enough to say that I was a “functional” alcoholic. Only to realise that the only thing that “functional” meant in that sentence was that I was able to find a way to get to the nearest off licence or bar personally rather than joining a mail order/subscription alcohol delivery service. Therefore throwing fuel on that fire of alcoholism and making the term “functional” redundant.
everything that you said is me. if i was any less of a raging alcoholic i would be dead shortly. if i didnt hit rock bottom i would have never become sober, i know that. i try to remind myself of this when i feel depressed about its consequences. i have to be grateful because it gave me true life for perhaps the first time. i went to the hospital last week and my liver tests were normal. my old self would have used that as an excuse to keep drinking. it took me so many painful rock bottoms to finally learn. too many to count. it was painful to go through those experiences but it was necessary. i know for me hitting rock and i mean COMPLETE ROCK BOTTOM was essential. even what i perceived as rock bottoms at the time, but werent, were not sufficient. i dont know if this is true for all alcoholics. i suspect that people who end up dying of alcoholism either never had true rock bottoms or were unable to own up to the predicaments they were in, or they had enablers. i think the ones who have enablers are often the ones who die the slow and eventual deaths. my ex wife was not an enabler and helped create my rock bottom, albeit somewhat artificially. i will nonetheless always be grateful to her for that
"my liver tests were normal. my old self would have used that as an excuse to keep drinking."
wow that is SO true of my alcoholic attitude too. I used to brag about it. I'd get out of detox and tell people i had the liver of a 17 year old, like I was superhuman. Stupid.
@@_BatCountryyeah in the past that probably would have made me drink even MORE. after I hit my rock bottom I spent a few weeks with a German shaman. he gave me an unlimited supply of mushrooms, DMT, etc. I took what must have been about 50 grams of mushrooms which he said was the most heroic dose hes seen anyone do. I felt pretty normal and he didn't understand how that was possible. it had to be the alcohol use