Is Going to a Strip Club Cheating?
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- Is Going to a Strip Club Cheating?
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Don't be a cool wife. Be a wife of character married to a man with character and raise kids with character who will raise grandchildren with character.
Well said
"I"m not like other moms. I'm a cool mom. Right Regina?"
Regina: "Shut up mom"
We learn this ideology from somewhere people lol.
Reminds me of the “Cool Girl” monologue from gone girl.
Love this.
Yeah neither one of them are that
We live in such a permissive society that a wife feels guilty for being less than supportive to her husband going to a strip club
Absolutely absurd. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life (which I probably will be) than to be married to a man who comes home to me after partying with strippers
@@jamiestinnett9872 And spent money for the home and children. Also, strip clubs have back rooms. It is not just stripping.
💯 true
The lifebof a man is so so so so much more permissive..and we still get called toxic
She’s grown attached to being the cool wife but she doesn’t realize that it’s an unwinnable thing unless she is ready to go along with every single thing her husband wants to do. She can be cool with 99.9% of things but the moment she doesn’t go along with something that persona is gone. And that persona only impresses his friends. But if she really is ok with a lot of things if her husband respects her it won’t be an issue for the few things she is against. My wife has always given me total freedom to do what I’d like as long as I don’t cheat and/or harm our relationship and as long as I don’t harm our finances. Because I respect that trust so much I try to not get anywhere close to that line and I know that anything she’d have an issue with is actually a concerning thing for her and not just the stereotype of the nagging wife. For him it should be the same that when she does say she’s uncomfortable that it’s genuinely serious and not some trivial thing for him to be upset about. But that’s requires being respectful of her which sounds like he isn’t.
If my wife doesn’t feel comfortable with something, I would respect that and make her feel safe. Period.
Its good to respect her wishes but she shouldnt feel "unsafe" with you going to a strip club
@@paulinhok3405 because it’s a place of lust and temptation. No need for a married person to be exposed to that.
@@paulinhok3405Boundries are clarified before married. 😂
@@paulinhok3405Yeah bro I don’t know what kind of relationship you want but in my mind it’s utterly and completely disrespectful to go to a strip club. It’s way worse than having a night out at the bar without your partner. And even that I would consider to be a level of disrespect to the relationship.
Good man 👏
The more a caller laughs, the deeper their pain.
YES YES YES!!
There are men who refuse to go to strip clubs. Don't let them lie to you.
Most men I would say 😂
100%. I’ve gone two times with a group of friends and I hated it both times. And I had the ok and communicated it ahead of time with my wife. And now I don’t go to them and if your friends are true friends they aren’t going to force you to go to a strip club. Sure they’ll give you a hard time and may even try to convince you but if they really care about you they’ll let it go. And after awhile they’ll stop asking because they know you don’t go to them and that it’s a waste of time to try and convince you.
I don’t have any interest in strip clubs - I’m not 14 anymore.
My husband has never been to a strip club and never will.
@@chelseaolsen8330ok that what you know lol
I'm actually really glad she called in. This was an argument my husband and I had. He made it clear before we got married that he was going to take the higher road and not have strippers at his bachelor party (and he didn't), knowing how I felt about it. After we got married, and were starting to try for our first child; he calls me up one night and wants permission to go to a nude strip club with some friends. The other ladies were 'cool' with it. I was not. Allegedly they were going to visit a buddy who works as a bartender there, and weren't going to specifically look at the ladies. But how does a man walk into a nude strip club, or any strip club, and not look?
I made it clear to my husband that if he ever wanted to go, then he could go, but then he can spend the night at his parents house and explain to them why he wasn't allowed to come home. He wasn't happy with me, but I told him, it isn't my place to be his holy spirit and tell him the difference between right and wrong. He should want to make a healthy choice for himself and our marriage, not because I told him to do it. Asking me in front of our friends, just made me feel like the ball and chain. It's a terrible position to put your spouse in.
i just never understand how these dudes want to go see strippers. You know none of them would be okay with their wives going to male strip clubs. I'm married only persons junk I want to look at is my husbands and he should feel the same otherwise be single or in an open relationship.
How you tell a grown man not to come back to his home lol
But yes for sure though if he had any respect for you or your marriage he wouldn't even entertain such an idea to begin with. I bet his friends have bad relationships with their own wives.
@@Alvin-xs7db It's a simple fact that if any grown person, male or female doesn't value fidelity in the relationship, their spouse has every right to tell them to leave the home. It's a matter of respect and often of safety. The same would be true of people who have to deal with their spouses drug addiction, alcohol addiction, or abuse. There needs to be boundaries of what is considered acceptable behavior. Especially since we are about to welcome our firstborn. And I wouldn't say that our friends have terrible relationships with their significant others. It's just a difference of values between what they consider acceptable and what I consider acceptable. Just like John pointed out about his friends who don't mind strippers.
@@Austenfan177 That's what I told him. He can visit that guy somewhere else, or they could all plan to go to another bar, or fishing, or any place that doesn't have strippers. There are unlimited options.
Feel free to visit mr.bartender, why not visit him when he is tending to his studies at a quiet park rather than a noisy place filled with wicked temptations
Why do some woman feel so guilty for having moral standards?? Bizarre.
It’s a taught and learned feeling.
Because they are taught it's more cool to be permissive and promiscuous than to have moral boundaries.
Because nowadays degeneracy and loose morals are cool and actual values and standards are looked down upon.
Her next call: “He cheated on me with a stripper.” 🤦♀️
LOL
😂😂😂
Lmao 🤣
Lmao 😂
😂
I feel bad for her. She’s so used to being the “cool chick”, she doesn’t know how to just be herself. She’s faking who she is and what she wants in her own marriage. Poor thing.
She doesn't know who she is and most likely either never will or doesn't like who she is. That's tough to look in the mirror.
Ever read Gone Girl? This call reminded me of Gone Girl and that whole passage on playing the "cool girl".
@@sueblack5794 OMG. That monologue summed up so much that women deal with in relationships. Such great writing!
@@ST-rj8iu All women pretend to some extent because we have to be "nice", empathetic, compliant, the least of these and especially in Christian marriages. Stereotypes placed on by society and if you don't display those qualities you are ousted as a masculine woman not worthy of a relationship. I think middle age is great because you realize, "I'm being myself and no long care about what others think" something along those liens. You want respect basically. I wish we did it much earlier, be ourselves with our own personalities and desires.
My personal opinion when a woman says "I don't care" what she's really saying is "I've already given up." She's just waiting for divorce papers.
She is chasing approval. Stick to your boundaries.
My husband would suggest that if she doesn't care, why? And that why might shock some of the males. Strip clubs are completely off for us. Not bc I said so either
Pretty simple: anything done outside of relationship boundaries without permission from your partner is cheating.
MFW my girl tell me not to play with swords and finds out it’s cheating *surprised pikachu face*
I hate when he's looking at other women - but every normal man does.... what do you think about that then ?
@@nellymiller7669 if those are the boundaries the two of you agreed to then respect it.
@@nellymiller7669 That is an unrealistic boundary IMO.
@@nellymiller7669 totally agree! Every red blooded man looks weather wives/gf like it or not.
Sara, The “cool chick” persona isn’t cool anymore. Women having boundaries and standards is in. Get a backbone girl and stop worrying if your husband “likes” you or not but care that he respects and loves you with your boundaries
Problem with that is women (particularly feminists) thinks that "boundaries" only apply to women
Why do you not want to care that your husband is lusting after someone else? THAT’s gross.
Agreed but how's that any different than a girl posting pictures on social media for likes. It's all a form a lust. Strip clubs, social media, and porn is virtually all the same.
It’s because someone gaslit her into thinking her feelings weren’t valid
She wants her husband to accept her as his cool wife who’s “One of the boys” and lets him stay out late and look at strippers. Once she stops trying to appear to be something she’s not to her husband she will realize he’s a weirdo.
@@brendondowdy5651Realistically no man should be watching any of that stuff, especially not when married. Strippers are just an alternative of the same thing.
My husband told me that if he was invited to something like that he would not go, even if it's his own bachelor party. That makes me feel so good. He is a man of integrity. You deserve that too.
Yeah my wonderful husband told me the same thing when he was invited to a bachelor’s party. He had told me you are the prettiest girl in the world who I’m in love with why would I want to do something so harmful to us and 6 months later I found out the truth not only did go but lied about it for the next 6 months. I found out he was the one who assigned himself to be the one with the adult entertainment. Spent all his money, stole my money and was late paying our bills. He reached satisfaction with a nude stripper. He didn’t come home that night, he overspent, got his friends in trouble and another one divorced. I was pregnant with his child with all the stress I ended up miscarrying, the wives hated me because without me knowing he was telling them it was all my idea behind the adult entertainment. He blamed me for losing our child because I doubted and lost trust in him, worst part is I believed him at that time of it being my fault for the miscarriage and he emotionally abused me for the miscarriage, for believing his friends wives over him, questioning him, doubting him and for losing trust in him. I was a wreck at my lowest where he needed me to be. He had no mercy on me because according to him it was all my fault. Well all the truth came out where he could no longer spin his lies leaving me in doubt. I left him and he told everyone he left me because I had an abortion because I was in doubt who the real father was. I don’t judge women anymore who find themselves in these situations because I never thought it would happen to someone like me with a good head on my shoulders.
Easy to talk about it
Men, as an elder DO NOT GO TO STRIP CLUBS. You are supporting sex trafficking. You are demeaning yourself, the women on the stage and your most important person, your wife, fiancé or committed girl friend. Man up, be a man and stop this.
Real men in solid relationships don't need to do this for fantasy sex! My opinion only as a female.
@janetarmstrong7010 I agree with you. Then again my wife is a great wife and getting lovin isn't a chore lol
Sit down pops, ima go look at some ass fym.
Not only sex trafficking but also some of these dancers need real mental help, some of these women have been through terrible sexual abuse in their childhood and it turns into trying to liberate themselves because they “chose” that job and someone didn’t force them to do it. Bad mindset. Same goes for porn. Our “entertainment” comes at the cost of actually helping someone in trouble. As a society we’re trying to make nudity the norm and it only makes it easier to push trafficking right under our noses.
This was one of the main reasons one of my exes and I broke up, but not because I was doing it. My girlfriend invited me to a strip club, and I explained that I've never had a desire to go to one, I don't know what I would get out of it. She was shocked that I'd never been to one already, and then when I told her I would've considered it cheating if I'd gone to a strip club when I was in a relationship, she acted like I was being ridiculous and she could not be convinced that there was anything wrong with going to a strip club, even behind your partner's back.
She's trying too hard to be the cool wife. She doesn't want him to go, but she doesn't want it to be bc she told him not to go, she wants him to choose not to go without her having to tell him. And it doesn't sound like he's gonna do that.
Being cool with letting your hubby having "fun" in demon infested environments is never cool, in fact it could lead to something hot
I think you summarized things perfectly.
@@zeal4god402 speak for yourself dude. It's fine if you and your significant other aren't okay with it but don't project your hang ups onto other people
This!!!!!
Sounds to me this is a classic case of the wife sending BS signals instead of being a grown up and actua communicating instead of sending "signals"
Someone has told her that she is wrong for having feelings about this. She is made to feel guilty and she doesn't have the confidence to face him.
Probably the insecure women married to polyamorous men
@@dearbrave4183 More like monogamous woman married to a man who lied and said he was monogamous.
@@dearbrave4183 or in other words a cheater and a loser. She’s better off leaving the loser now.
I don’t think it was “someone” that told her that, so much as just society itself has told ALL women that we’re supposed to be okay with our men going to strip clubs.
Back in the day (Victorian era) women were told they were supposed to be okay with their men visiting brothels, that it’s natural for me to have desires for other women and they do things with those other women that polite sophisticated women shouldn’t have to do with their husbands. It was extremely commonplace, to the point that all women just assumed the man they married would frequent brothels.
Strip clubs is just the modern day version of that… shaming women into bending to men’s desires.
@@The.Hawaiian.KingdomThe highest of 🖐️! Exactly what I try to let every person and man know. It's hard to break away what's been brainwashing us all for so long.
As a former dancer: yes it's cheating. You won't believe the stuff that goes on. Even a lap dance where no "extras" are happening is a form of sexual gratification. A girl grinding on a guy's lap until he gets off is cheating. A lot of the girls put their boobs close enough to the guys face that he can put his mouth on them, especially in more private rooms. Cameras don't see everything. 80% of my customers were married!! Most of them didn't tell their wives that they were there. Some would come in as couples and it was usually not good. The only time it worked was when the wife/gf was into girls too. Once I was giving a couch dance to a husband while his wife watched. You could tell she was there just for him. He was staring at me in awe, like googly eyes, and making sexual comments about my body to her the whole time. It was so awkward. I looked over at her after the dance and she was in tears. I felt genuinely bad for her. She grabbed the rest of the money out of his pocket ($600) and handed it to me. I'm sure she was ready to just leave at that point. After working at a strip club I have never wanted to step foot into one again.
Wow that's so heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your experience.
@@Mrs.Butterworth ummm what now? So you think the wife was crying because she was sexually aroused? Have you ever met a woman lol
Thank you for sharing this and for your compassion for the wife !
Oh poor victim, like you didn’t know you’d have to do this when you started the “job”
@@Bobisworld compassion for the wife would’ve meant she wasn’t whoring herself around with married men
Tell your husband that you found a job as a stripper. If he objects, ask him what's wrong with stripping. If he would not be "cool" with that situation, why do you have to be cool with his frequenting a strip club?
Turning the tables on him
Good idea
Good one!
That’s what I said!!
Was invited to my buddy's bachelor party. The majority of the guys excluding me, wanted to go to the strip club. I didn't put up a fuss. We went, I waited for them in the car and they went in. They had their fun and then we went and did other things. Everybody went home happy. I didn't betray mine or my wife's values.
It would be wild to spend the time in the parking lot. But whenever my friends have gone it’s always a night ending thing versus doing things following it so it’s easy to skip that by just going home. In my state it’s commonly an after the bar closes thing where you can bring alcohol and continue drinking for another few hours. The last time i got pressured to go to one I was in Las Vegas and I slipped away to an Uber from the casino to my hotel when they weren’t paying attention LOL. The two friends were idiots trying to pay for extras with a card and got ripped off. So tons of reasons I’m glad I didn’t go.
Good man 👏👏👏👍☺
BS!!!
Your wife actually believed you stayed at the parking lot the entire time? I wouldn't.
@@lilia73cantu1 Yes she did. She knows my heart.
That’s a terrible idea to go to a strip club after you are married. It’s screams temptation and adultery. Why would a married person even want to go to a strip climb even if it’s with your friends? If he cared about her, he would turn it down.
My thoughts exactly! I'm currently a newish dancer, and you simply step on the floor, and we're just walking temptations -it's kinda stupid like walking into a gta simulation. Then there are the plastic women with big round tits and butts in extra skimpy outfits looking like literal sex dolls. Even I stare and drool, like it's eye catching as hell. Definitely not a place for anyone taken or even trying to have a healthy lifestyle tbh. I have been trying and praying to get out :)
If a man is going to cheat - he is going to cheat. Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Christie Brinkley, Elon Nordegren, Beyoncé were all cheated on. They are the beauty standards and they were cheated on. Men don’t need a strip club to cheat. Personally, if my partner goes for a bachelor party - I don’t care. If you are having a weekly lunch at the strip club - we are done.
@@Forest__Dreamgirl, so what are u doing? Get out, now, if u really want to. You can't just pray about it and keep doing it like it's not your decision lmao
@@zuzannahardej2371you don't know anything about her life. Being homeless or broke af isn't an option for everybody.
I hope you're out by now and living a good life
I’m a cool wife because I don’t play games with my husband. I am totally upfront with what my boundaries are, and it allows him to respect who I REALLY am. And vis versa.
Who gives a crap about being the "cool wife"? THis is high school idiocy.
@@joymattson8549 It’s a play on the caller’s words… I don’t actually call myself a “cool wife”…
She is affraid he will walk away. Affraid of standing up for what SHE WANTS and he will straight up say "Ok, I`ll continue to do what I want - He has ignored her fellings for ages" - Girl keep wanting to be the "cool" girl and you will end up alone.
It's amazing the amount of people who are married and can't communicate with each other.
‼️‼️‼️
Right?! I'm baffled!
This actually has nothing to do with cheating. She's being a people pleaser so her husband will like her more. I was that way for many years and my husband stepped all over me because I never upheld boundaries. It did not make him like me more! It did the complete opposite. It's important to not sacrifice her own peace of mind and set of values to make him think she awesomeness! She will end up resenting him and she might even start second guessing her own judgement later on down the road!
And letting him do this could pave the way for God knows what else...
Beautifully said Princess Amy!
Yes exactly, when I’ve tried explaining to a people pleaser in my life she would be more respected if she pushed back on things and established and upheld boundaries she didn’t really get what I meant. It’s hard to understand if you don’t practice it and fear being disliked
@@amde8554 Fear in its myriad of forms has kept so many from living thriving, wholesome lives
Spot on 👍
We almost went into a strip club on accident in Vegas. My husband stopped me and said I have never been in one. And I don't intend to. I was pretty proud.
Oh, my heart needed to hear that. Proud of him too.
He’s a keeper !! 😁
Good men do exist
I found one from the same stock. Damn proud. 😊
@@Samantha-ji7iw would you rather go to a male or female establishment if you had to choose
This just once again shows how women have been conditioned to NOT ask for what we want. We are told that if we do, we are nags or bitches.
It’s call compromise with marriage. Men are equally condition to not ask for what they want.
@@justinlarmore8249 maybe within the specific context of marriage. But, on a societal level, men who ask for what they want are seen as assertive go- getters, while women are just seen as being bossy and disagreeable.
1000000%
@@crazeekids9744 Men who ask for what they want are told they're pushy, aggressive in some places.
*the abused.
It's not just women. This is a symptom of past or present abuse.
"I don't want to give him rules. Ew, I'm not his mom."
It's not unreasonable to communicate your completely sane standards and desires to your husband. Ignore pressure to be low-maintenance/"cool" and be your authentic self; I do and people have only respected me more for it.
Exactly. Having boundaries, expectations, and standards isn’t nagging.
And those that walk when you are YOU, let them walk...and continue to love yourself and hold to who you are! 🥰
Right! Hubby and I do have a couple rules that are things that neither one of us even want to do. Mine is if he starts smoking, we're done. It makes both of us physically ill. The strip club thing is a non issue for us because I'm the only one of us who has ever been. Had I not volunteered to be the designated driver, he would have picked me up and we weren't even dating. It was college and the mostly female group of friends said it would be fun. I had no idea what I was getting into-lesson learned!
So can the husband put his foot down and say no if she wants to go to a male strip club?
he has zero respect for her and her playing the cool girl is why he doesn't have respect for her. She needs to set up her boundaries and stand by them. He won't respect her until she does it.
I'm still processing the vocabulary choices of "silly goose," "dirty naughty fun," and "yucky."
😂😂😂 it's funny
lol for real though
It's called ambivalence. Imo, she doesn't like it but is afraid that if he knows who she really is, he'll leave.
As a dancer, I don’t want my man in the strip club spending 100s on up on another semi-nude or nude woman. He would be taking money out of my home and putting it in another woman’s pocket while getting s*xually gratified by another woman, that is absolutely not okay. The man I want is not interested in that type of fickle attention. I know what goes on in the club, it’s not all just lap dances and teasing. Not myself, but some other dancers do a lot more and it’s gross that anyone would ever want to engage with a woman who possibly was intimate with man other men that night.
LOL "dancers" hahaha omg
They don’t usually put it in their pocket lol
Throwing stones from glass houses, I see. 😂
The irony in this comment is absolutely astonishing
Thank you for being honest. More women and men are finding out there's more than just stripping at these clubs and shows. I hope you get out of there and encourage others to never join that keeps the temptations going :(
It wouldn’t even be a question with my hubby. He’s more interested in a string and healthy marriage. But my ex!! Strip clubs, then porn, then cheating then divorce. Keep your boundaries strong lady!!!! Keep them strong!!
My ex did it in reverse. Porn, club tho he was probably cheating the whole time.
An ex bf I had before I met my husband had a very interesting take on strip clubs. I asked him about it randomly if that was something he wanted to do and he said “I don’t go to strip clubs because I think it’s weird, perverted and kind of gay to go somewhere and get horny with other men.” 😂😂😂
My husband thinks strip clubs for either men or women is cheating, gross and a waste of money. He’d rather spend his money on fishing gear. 😂
My husband said the same thing and that it's a doubled insult to have to pay for it. Not that he expected treatment for free at all. He just felt horribly uncomfortable and jaded having to pay to feel that icky. That dancer apparently was meanly asking him what was wrong with him. He just wanted out there.
He won't go. We'd both experienced a club prior to meeting. That was enough. I think if more wives, girl friends went and not only saw but experienced it, they may change their mind.
I realize for some it's a turn over. I respect their right but I can't empathize. Nasty. Not worth my money.
She sounds like a people pleaser. I hope she finds a way to please herself by placing boundaries for herself.
For my husband, I had to literally give him his same scenarios but put me in it. For example, “Is it okay for me to see mens’ penises and have those rubbing on me for a lap dance or is okay for me to strip naked in front of other men and have my boobs in their face?” Clearly it’s not okay lol and he’s able to see it and be like you’re right. I won’t do it.
We’ve never had this issue because we don’t play that, but we have had to have a boundaries talk before about other things.
Yes.
The “same scenario” certainly wouldn’t have included any penis. More comparable is a man with his shirt off stripping for you or men on the street without shirts on.
My perspective is when I was young my buddies and I thought gentlemens establishments were good clean fun. Now I just see them as desperate and a little pathetic. I won’t say I think it’s cheating because I don’t think it crosses that line but I certainly think they are low class and harmful to relationships. My best friend recently suggested we go visit one because we haven’t done that in so many years. I told him I thought my days of that were over.
@@justinlarmore8249 i thought that too but I’ve seen my friends’ stories on Instagram and Snapchat and they showed the mens’ entire junk. I was honestly surprised bc I didn’t know that they actually strip fully naked.
@@highlighted_reply I don't think I could be married to anyone who visits those places. We also do not go to bars because it usually doesn't end well. We have friends who for some reason go to a bar several times a week. Most remind me of meat markets--very low class.
Clearly this bothers her, and she needs to let him know and he needs to respect it.
Would you rather go to a male or female one
Tell him no. That’s basically crossing the relationship boundary and values. How would he like it if she had a man shove his junk in her face at a Hens night? He’s a married man and he shouldn’t be doing any of this, neither of them should be! Tables turn and see how they feel about their wives. You’re putting yourself into a sexual environment! She’s a people-pleaser, door mat. Lady, speak your truth!
@@Nah-ah would you rather go to a male or female club if you had to choose?
3:55, they're not rules, they're boundaries. And every healthy relationship needs them!
Boundries...like you can look but you cant touch? 😂
Her little girl voice is a dead give away as to why she is handling this situation the way she is trying to be the perfect little girl while in the process allowing for her self to be disrespected in return which she is disconnected from because she has disassociated from herself somewhere along the way growing up due to trauma.
Nailed it.
I love RUclips comment's diagnosis
Would you rather visit a male or female club?
She says they "fought it out" the first time, so it must be clear in her hubs' mind how she views his going with his buddies and participating. Her need to be "cool" is sabotaging her making boundaries clear and with no do-overs. She's his wife, not a girl dorm buddy.
AMEEEEEEEN
agreed as a guy who has had some LTR's and lived the bachelor life multiple times (including now), i have been to these types of establishments in multiple states. However i never participated in them while in a relationship, bc i wouldn't want my GF doing the same tbh. So i set boundaries for myself i expect my SO to uphold as well. I have also been to 7 bachelor parties in my life, a couple involved strippers and the other 5 were guys weekends were we went to a place rented a huge house, partied, played golf, went fishing, etc and these bachelor parties were more fun then the ones that involved strippers. If your husband resents you for not wanting to go to a strip club, then he is not the right guy for a marriage tbh.
learn to accept people are different, stop limiting other people actions
@@petesfohn5659 All the best telling the judicial system and law enforcement that
@@zeal4god402 🤣🤣🤣💯💯💯
She is trying to talk herself into accepting cheating behavior.
Yes. Women have been shamed for millennia against this male taught behavior. We're damned if we say anything and damned if we don't. So say something and if he argues you don't want him. He's a programmed cheater. Stand up and fight, these men won't for what's healthy and honorable
Man.. Dr John has some patience. This caller pissed me so much. SEE YOUR SELF WORTH WOMAN.
This is exactly why I don't ever want to be in a relationship again bc I hate the anxiety it gives me and these kinda situations which you cannot control bc either way they will backfire...I'd much rather be single and not worry about a thing!
Oh, the anxiety sucks. It's not worth it.
Or find a stand up guy that will respect you. They are out there but you will never find them if you don't try or if you don't speak your mind.
Same
@@tiflangelaat this point, I love my solitude enough.
I am happily married to a gent who would never go. Yet, if the only reason a guy wouldn't go is bc I asked him not this indicates he otherwise would choose to go and at that point, I'm already over him. I don't want to request anything. He just walk the line bc he has integrity. Thankfully, my husband does.
If a spouse is actively seeking out places to go where there are individuals that sexually fantasize about/with then I would say that is cheating.
I really love this conversation. Doc giving the big brother talk is the right temperature. She’s so sweet too. Her husband needs to wake up before he loses a wonderful person.
Her constant laughing is annoying.
i don't know if she's sweet. all I know is since she has honesty issues, she can't be a good friend. and most likely she isn't a good wife. She only thinks about how to look good, she could let someone die as long as it made her look good. Her desire to be liked to that extent is dangerous, she could Very well raise her kids to be narcissistic
Yes porn and strip clubs are cheating. You are having a sexual relationship with other women. That is wrong, always. The men who fight for this behavior will tell you that it doesn't count unless they are physically touching them, yet if their wife were to share nude photos of themselves or strip they would have an issue. This acceptance of open marriages makes no sense, why get married if you need other women outside your relationship?
Societal pressure. Legalize sex work, remove the stigma. The people who want strippers can go, the people who want to be married can be married. Today our culture is forcing men into unnatural situations
Cheating is crossing whatever boundaries you agreed to with your spouse. Porn and strip clubs might be cheating for you and your relationship but they aren’t for every relationship.
@@tomw485that’s disgusting stop normalizing your bs
I'm a woman, and I don't have a problem with porn, but I'm not going to say it's for every relationship. Every relationship is different.
@OliveGreen0516 good for you and your open relationship
ask him "is 1 night of fun worth ruining our trust?"
Maybe there is NO trust if he can't go out and have one night of fun.
@@neededtobesaid4275 maybe there is no trust if fun equates to him allowing people he did not make a covenant with to give him sexual stimulations on purpose. A strip club is not something innocent. The environment saturates everything and draws one in regardless of the individual's intentions. 🤷🏻♀️
Well queried!
She doesn’t value herself. For the fact that she doesn’t understand how gross and disgusting it is that her husband even WANTS to go to a strip club is disturbing!!!! For the fact that this doctor isn’t telling her how absolutely abhorrent it is that her husband wants to attend a strip club is not good .
The fact that your husband wants to go see live naked women who do just about anything for a buck is EVERYTHING.
A married or a taken man has no business going to strip clubs.
Grow the f up and respect and honor the person you’re supposed to be committed to.
I couldn't have said it better myself
Just like a married woman shouldn't be on social media. Everyone knows why women love social media so much.
Even a single man has no reason to go to a strip club in my opinion, people who are married who justify it absolutely blow my mind.
@@agx8447if a couple are cool with it for whatever reason, then whatever.. I don't understand it. But it's their marriage. It doesn't happen in mine. I've been to a club before marriage. Gross. I don't understand the want.
Dr. John is the best. No matter what situation the callers present, Dr. John provides real, actionable guidance and help. He is a rare blend of wisdom, intelligence, kindness and humility while also sticking firm to his values. I listen to these podcasts to gain insight into my own brain and relationships, and I hope to meet you one day so I can say “thank you” in person.
He knows exactly what the problem is and narrows it down easily. Seriously, how the heck can he do that in a few minutes?
I disagree
@@thomask8298explain
This woman is irritating. You can’t force yourself to be someone your not, and why is being okay with your husband going to strip clubs your definition of cool?
Agree.
The true definition of cool is a smart, intelligent, honest woman who can set boundaries and stand her ground. She gains respect because she is honest in needing it. This woman isn't cool. She is a giggling doormat.
I don't see what's wrong with it if its a one time thing a bachelor party he can say no to physical contact just have fun with friends
@@isay207her husband is presenting like he is not into it but seems like he looks forward to those night out. He is probably someone that says that what happens that night stays between the men. They are both not true to themselves.
@@isay207Thats the thing though it isn't about how someone else "feels." Everyones parameters and boundaries for what is acceptable or considered cheating in their relationship are going to be different. Maybe you don't have an issue with your significant other attending strip clubs, maybe another couple doesn't have an issue with their partner having sex with other people even, maybe in another relationship having an Instagram is considered cheating. Its up to the individual to set their own boundaries, and if their partner can't respect them then they should leave and find someone who does. People are allowed to have standards.
She is afraid to communicate with her husband and is afraid of showing her "true self" to her husband
She lacks vulnerability and is putting up a facade. That is the deeper issue here.
If Sarah, ever reads this comment. Please know that being your true self and being vulnerable is worth it and worth your peace of mind. Everyone is built different and being who God made you to be is okay too.
Own it girl! You are afraid he will leave you. You are afraid he will choose to continue devaluing your feelings. Stay safe, hope you get the strength to go through this. Cause it seems like he doesn't care about your feelings much less boundaries.
My husband has been in This exact situation and he politely made up an excuse as to why he couldn’t go (without me even saying anything). He made it clear when we got married there were to be no strippers at his party and if you have friends that respect you they wouldn’t put you in a weird situation to jeopardize your relationship…
Yes it’s cheating… There, how easy was that.
@CG741 Graf - it depends on your definition of cheating. I wouldn't be upset if my partner went to a strip club. Sarah obviously considers it a betrayal of trust for her.
@@hideyable this also means you wouldn't be upset if you found some woman rubbing against your husband , her boobs in his face or sitting on his lap?
Because it's not just about going to the strip club. it's about what's seen and done there.
@hideyable How is it not cheating? Your partner is looking sexually, lusting after another person. Sex is supposed to be sacred and only between you two, yet they are going out and allowing themselves to desire it with someone else.
More than stripping goes on at clubs. More people need to know that. And if your person lusting after and desiring someone else isn't cheating that's a perverted societal brainwashed mindset and both people eventually end up in my office in addiction recovery, spouse betrayal, and mostly divorces. The clubs are 💯 unnecessary.
Accidentally stumbled across this channel & I just love the way that you find the root cause of things. And then give steps for the person to help themselves.
I only went to a strip club once for a friend's birthday in my early 20s (and I was single then). It was funny to see my friend's reactions---but the reality is the moment a girl came over to me I found my values came flying out of me. I didn't want some girl who'd been rubbing up on multiple people all night for money anywhere near me. It didn't appeal, it repulsed me. I immediately backed up and put the table between me and her so she wouldn't try to sit on my lap or try anything else. Pretty much ended my "fun" for the night. I didn't realize it til it was literally in my face how much I didn't want that.
So, yeah---I'd consider it a form of cheating. It's a cheap form of cheating though since the girls are only dancing for money. The caller should admit internally she's not really cool with this. No one is "cool" with someone else all over their significant other if they're really in love.
👍 10000%
If you didn't marry a virgin your wife was doing the same thing to some other guy. Who cares?
Sure, as if you didn’t realize this would happen before you went there… what a stupid thing to say,
@@Sunnysidestoriesandmusic you seem so harsh to people in the comments. There are lot of moments in life where someone can’t 100% comprehend a situation unless it happens to them.
@@ellafruitloops a woman twerking in a thong over married men’s penises and putting her boobs in his face is not the victim. Sorry you have such a demented worldview.
I’m so glad he said it didn’t feel like betrayal it was betrayal! Exactly!
She should not have to tell him not to go. He should have enough common sense to know that no woman is happy with her husband going to strip clubs.
Absolutely not. Don't expect people to do what *you* would do, instead have an open dialogue of your expectations so there are no questions.
That is a very untrue statement. Some women bring their husbands.
This isn't true. Some women don't care or go with their partners to the strip club. Don't assume everyone is like you.
I say this with complete love and respect, my husband and I have been together for 16 years since we were in high school, the biggest thing I’ve learned thus far is to communicate safely and never assume he knows my thoughts and emotions. Humans are complex in nature and sometimes we barely understand ourselves and it’s helpful to our partners if we communicate our thoughts and mental processes
in Atlanta, some couples go to strip clubs....together. Those clubs have become like after-hours places for some people. It's weird but true.
My husband and I had an agreement - no strippers at the bachelor/bachelorette party. I am so glad that we had that rule ahead of time, because so often people get pressured by the rest of the party. Idk if I could have gone through with the wedding the next day if he broke his word.
I don’t know how I feel about bachelor/bachelorette party … you ain’t married and plus neither of you would actually break into cheating on one another - if you do then surely you weren’t ready for a lifetime commitment. You’re saying if someone not your fiancé brought a stripper you’d break off the wedding ? Or he cheated on you with a stripper? Just for clarification. Because I agree with the later.
@@rainbowpandasays8851 I would have to reconsider because it would be extremely inconsiderate since it would go against the boundaries that were set. Married or not, we were in a committed relationship, and we wanted to be preparing to marry, not thinking about other people sexually.
I know of 2 men that had sex with the strippers at the bachelor night.
100%!
Or he if you broke yours...right?
Idk why it's so hard for her to accept that she has boundaries
That’s the problem with trying so hard with being the “cool girl “. Your not the cool wife by not standing up for yourself. Trying to be cool is emotionally immature. Having values and standards is cool when your an adult.
Sarah - you need to watch "The Take - The Cool Girl Trope" and go to therapy and get yourself out of this internal mess. You're paying the price of trying to be cool girl & a people/men pleaser at the expense of YOU
Omg yes even when she is talking to John she is using "bro language" you are spot on
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This reminds me of the mom from mean girls.
“I’m not a regular mom I’m a cool mom”
Man I hope she actually talks to him, that she wants to be the only one he’s gets a lap dance from.
Scared of what she'll discover if she told him her needs straight up.
@@Austenfan177 Exactly. I feel bad for her but I hope she learns to be firm and be willing to follow through if he doesn't change.
@@Austenfan177 I feel like this marriage will probably end in divorce at some point because she is too scared to lay down some serious boundaries.
Look as a guy who has been to many of these types of establishments when I am not in a relationship, I have never been to one while in a relationship. I am not knocking strippers either bc i have casually dated a few strippers and cocktail waitresses in the past.
He is lying that he doesn't like that, men don't typically do things they don't want to do. He is trying to make you feel better, you will not be a nagging wife for not wanting your husband to go to a strip club and have women grinding on him with him spending money on it to happen. Hold your boundaries and if his friends give him crap he needs to be a man and deal with them. Don't buy the peer pressure garbage either.
As a man and your husband he should put you and your values first, as well as you should be reciprocating the same. I am currently living the bachelor life and don't ever really plan on getting married. Marriage is a different thing, people make those vows and they seem to think they can still live a single style life bc they are "on vacation" or whatever.
right, it's like they don't understand what they're getting into
To look upon another woman, and lust,and touch (which is what happens at strip clubs) is the same as cheating - it's a heart attitude!
Husband strip club no no no. Do you want your daughter and son living with a father who participates in the denigration of women. And their Mother. Speak up. It is disgusting. Your marriage is in serious trouble. He needs to adore and honour the wonderful woman you are! He's a fool. You will regret your silence.
You have a really good point!
The fact that he desires to seek sexual gratification from other women in a monogamous relationship has already doomed the marriage. She can stay in the marriage but it’s already over
I loath myself for quoting Dr. Phil, but he did say one thing that’s worth quoting:
_”Cheating is anything you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing in front of your partner”_ … if you wouldn’t feel comfortable gawking at another woman, throwing money at another woman, having another woman’s breasts and butt in your face, having another woman grinding herself against your c*ck, as your wife sat next to you… ITS CHEATING.
She wants to be able to tell her husband that she’s cool with him visiting the strip club, but then for him to say, no babe, I don’t want to look at other naked women. This way she’s the cool wife but also her man isn’t going to a strip club.
Exactly.
Right. It's just a strip club though. Nothing wrong with going once in a blue moon for a bachelor party. Just have to keep it in your pants if you're married.
@@superblump87 I hope you keep that same energy with engaged women having male strippers gyrating all over the bachelorette party too. Most men would not enjoy the women they are in a committed relationship (engaged or not) with to be in a sexual environment (which is what strip clubs are) with handsome half naked men with amazing bodies rubbing themselves on her or vice versa, especially without him there to make sure it doesn't lead to anything else even more inappropriate. That's a completely fair concern and boundary to have when you are in a monogamous, committed relationship - no matter the sex.
🤣
@@superblump87 of course so you can fantasize on those women once in a blue moon. And once in a blue moon disconnect to your wife and find them unattractive in comparison. It's just once in a blue moon. How many blue moons before your marriage really suffers and becomes unsalvageable?
why not just be honest with your husband and have a heart to heart conversation with him and tell him how you feel about it ... not out of anger with screaming but just honest sincerity
100% it’s cheating. This is a deal breaker for me. it is an important discussion to have. I know if my husband did go, I could try to tell myself it’s no big deal but I know I would never see him the same way.
it is also okay to be honest about how you feel about these things.
Omg this speaks to my situation so much right now. It’s refreshing to hear a man answer this honestly.
Her: “I don’t think I really care though”. Me: “ *milk flies out of nose as I burst out laughing*”. You gotta be who you are in this world
My uncle susprised his sons-in-law, my dad, another uncle with strippers during their boys trip. My dad refused to stay the night with another woman and bunked with my other uncle. He also told my mom and never joined them on a boy's night out ever again. Real men have integrity.
This call reminds me of a guy I dated that told me I was a cool girl because I was so cool about random stuff, he was 100% trying to train me how to be, and it got so ugly so fast when i said 9ne tume i was uncomfortable with one little thing. This poor woman.
Heck yes it’s cheating! If she wants her hubby to adore her tell all his friends in front of him that he’ll have a way better time at home with his wife actually getting some instead of lusting and fantasizing over the women that get absolutely no satisfaction out of it because it’s their job! Own your sexy self instead of sitting at home knowing that husband is paying to “have a good time”, literally spending $$$ on cheating on you when you could have one of the best nights together!!!!
My husband would know to not come home after that if he ever did anything like that to me. We all have boundaries!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
actually it would be cheaper for the husband to have just depended on strippers for his sexual urges rather than his wife. Think about all the money he had to spend on dates before he married the wife, the thousands he spent on the wedding, the thousands he spent on a mortgage and raising his kids. When the divorce comes he will be out all of the money and even have to pay her alimony. A stripper is much cheaper in the long run
The saddest thing is that if she didn't care about whether he went or not she wouldn't have called. She obviously cared enough to call someone about it and then had to spend the entire segment convincing herself that she was wrong to set boundaries. It's not about a husband going to a strip club, it's about a woman who doesn't want her husband to go to one, considers it cheating, and then turns around and lets him go anyway.
Great question. A lot of people deal with this. Thank you for taking the call and talking boundaries.❤
I don’t know how any wife is ok with husband going to a strip club ?!? A man’s physiological response to a naked woman is going to be there even if he claims that it means nothing and to me that is a violation of our intimidate relationship.
How it is violation
If I have a private conversation or chat with a woman, I always tell my wife about the conversation. Not just because I don't want to go down the path of infidelity but because I want to be open with her about everything.
You're a gem 💎. Most men and women don't do this.
AND because You need to protect Yourself. Be careful. Even "little talks" can be perceived as something going on.
My thoughts: It's not so much about the strip club to her, but her husband's denial that he enjoys them. Like she said: If you wanna go, go ahead, but don't lie to me and tell me you don't. I think THAT'S her major issue.
That’s exactly right! And she doesn’t want to come across as “uncool” but in reality she doesn’t want to be uncomfortable with him changing his mind about her faking to be cool! She doesn’t want to let that facade go bc she’s built her life and her husbands perspective of her around being fake. It’s so exhausting faking an image, clearly it’s breaking her down from the inside!
Well she said it's my job to put my boobs in his face not a strippers.....so she is bothered by it
Well her major issue should be a whore twerking over her husband’s penis… what type of potent weed are you guys smoking??
@@gottesma your friends are glued to the chairs at the strip clubs?
no . if he admitted , then another problem will begin. why do you enjoy strip clubs not me? It's not she will be like ok fine.
it's like women who say if you don't love me instead of cheating just leave. And the moment he says he is leaving they'll bring down all hell on him.
This is her once again trying to play cool before she moves the goal post
Thank you. It helped me to know im not insane, im not crazy and im not overreacting for feeling hurt and betrayed.
As a current stripper who's only been in this industry for 6months!!
Yes! It is cheating. I personally don't participate in sex or extras myself. It's the men! I’ve literally gotten chewed OUT by married men and bachelors (like wedding is TOMORROW) for not accepting their nasty requests to have sex in VIP! Wtf? I've had couples, always focus on the female, she buys dances for him and it's always me feeling guilty and awkward standing in line with the bf. Trsut me.. strip clubs are not just girls dancing anymore. I've tried to hop around clubs. Girls are having sex in VIP while managers stay hush hush. I left for 2 months and came back the past two weeks bc i need money. I've applied to many restaurants. I hate what this industry has become.. literally brothels.
Edit: It's actually messing with regular dancers money it's a whole topic in the stripper community lol.
(I live in FL)
This couple needs to be transparent with each other about what they really want, what their boundaries are, and most importantly, their values. The question is: how much sexual stimulation can each partner have outside the relationship, and in which forms/formats, until it becomes cheating and violates the boundaries of the relationship? IMO - it's never just strip clubs, that's the obvious behavior. There's usually other sexual stimulation elsewhere that's being hidden.
Would you rather go to a male or female club?
Not mentioned, Viewing porn or participating in strip club activities is a direct reflection of how the husband views women, their value, their worth. They are a commodity to be consumed. This man does not value his own wife's feelings; breaking her heart is inconsequential to him. That is the offense. I would never marry someone who perceives women degrading themselves in public as "entertainment".
💯
Wow. That was amazing! I understand the woman (not wanting to show her vulnerability, her perceived uncoolness). And then there is Deloney: such a cool guy telling her basically: you're still cool while being completely yourself in your vulnerability. That's braveness!
I hate that he didn't tell her this, but truth is if she starts to fully be herself and actually stop pretending to not care about things she clearly care about. He might leave her. Because it's tough for someone your used to being a certain way completely switching things up on you. Just because they weren't really being real with themselves.
Intresting. Exactly
If you feel it is that much of a problem if your wife suddenly tells you she does not feel good with you letting another woman do sexual stuff for you, then I think you are not cut out for any respectful relationship. If you want a relationship with someone who never changes their opinion even just a little bit, or has their own opinion at all, you would do best with a rubber doll.
40 years ago my husband hurt me with things like strip clubs. Years later, after I had divorced him, I ran into his niece, who told me he had been searching for me for years. Let him search.
The way that her husband treats her values will eventually make him less attractive to his wife
This reminds me so much of the "cool girl" speech from Gone Girl
most women are paying 50% of the bills, still doing all the housework, and the husband is now out with women at the strip clubs? What is the point of being married for women? Where is the safe space in the relationship?
I bet that if she says anything, he will throw a temper tantrum because he doesn’t care as much about her as she cares about him. Thank you for trying to get her to start seeing that she is self abusive by putting his needs first and feeling like she has to keep up an image more than being able to relax and just be herself.
Why does she want to be so "cool" and not care? Caring is cool. Putting up with no BS is cool. Expecting your spouse to not put himself in a situation that could sabotage fidelity (even if it's only the appearance of it) because you wouldn't do that either is cool. Unfortunately it seems he has always been this way so be may not change.
To be pure is cool
Because she’s afraid that if she has standards, men won’t want her
Would you rather visit a male or female establishment?
My husband was best man at his best friends wedding. The bachelor party was at a bar where another friend is bar tender. My husband’s best friend called me and said “ he won’t go to the strip club, tell him it’s ok”
They even tried to put him in the trunk and he fought them lol.
I told my drunk husband on the phone that he can go your the best man. He said I’m not going come pick me up.
That was 30 years ago and his best friend still brings it up. My husband says I only look at one woman and I don’t need to see another.
Wow!
I love your explanation as a Man, and yea she need to speak up how she feels, I was married 15 years, I kept my feelings of many ways just for not creating a problem and to keep the marriage functioning, and it perfectly functioning for him while I was quiet… but I got tired trough time…now I’m here by myself, feeling alone and going trough a lot dealing with separation and divorce, but it was my fault in some point.. my job wasn’t to be quiet and say yes to everything… I didn’t speak up on time and things for out of control when I stared losing respect for my husband. Because sometimes you get to a point that you don’t care anymore and there is the final stage …. Tell him how you feel, don’t try to be cool and been hurt in the inside…
Damn good advice. Hope you're healing and are finding yourself in a much better, and much healthier place. God Bless!!
If you get caught in a strip club bye bye marriage your telling your wife she looks ugly and rather have fun elsewhere.
If you don’t know where you’re at the answer is you’re not ok with it.
Would you rather go to a female club or male?
My opinion. Cheating. he should not go. Also is degrading to women. Not good.
It's degrading to a willing employee of an establishment? Hes visiting women at their place of work. Is it degrading to women when you visit them at their office as well?
In my first marriage, husband went to a strip club with a neighbor. He came home and criticized the women there. Oh boy, what about himself!
He couldn't look at himself.
I know I’m generalizing here, but women tend to strip because they’re in desperate situations, and men tend to visit strip clubs out of a want to fix a temporary feeling (lust, loneliness, boredom…). Both are making bad choices (imo), but their reasons for making those bad choices are very different.
I KNEW That girl who always claimed to be cool like one of the guys is just another chick repressing her true feelings. I know it sounds like a cliché, but be true to yourself, people can see through your disguise anyway.