First video filmed in the new studio! My Experienced Self hopes you enjoy it; my Ideal Self, Mr. Not Good Enough, has sent me some notes: - Sound Quality. Time to spring for a decent microphone for the next batch of filming, you twit. - Face. Shiny. If you absolutely have to feature that thing on camera, get some makeup.
tip for the audio : Put more stuff into that studio like decoration would make it more appealing to the eye and also would remove that reverb effekts which comes from the soundwaves being unimpaired on reflecting from the walls, so just put some obstacles for the soundwaves in the room and you'll be good c: PLUS A NEAT SET IS ALWAYS CUTE AND NICE TOO LOOKAT!
Also not to pile on here what with the ruthless criticism you gave yourself. But I think I might know a short term resolution fix for the microphone. Try covering it with something, a sock, some gauze and rubberbands maybe, something along those lines. It might get rid of the harsh S-sounds.
I can imagine it wasn't easy, but I hope that you feel overall good about having shared some of your vulnerabilities in this video. You expressed it really eloquently, and this sort of thing is helpful to me, and I imagine it helps other people too. Please have a good day, because you've created a very good channel
Contrapoints does an excellent job with production quality. I'm sure if Mr. Not Good Enough wants some validation you could find it with some constructive criticism from her. She may help you find some sort of center when it comes to that kind of criticism.
I can literally hear Sandstorm by Darude blasting through my window from outside - Mr Not Good Enough dies in the audio bleach along with my soul... ...Tiffany Tumbles is having a party.
13:15-13:30: I wonder if Abigail's picked a new acting name. I mean, it seems like something she'd _want_ to do, but I don't know how acting name rules work.
Something I've learned to do with my ideal self is to ask the question 'who is talking?' When I do so I quickly realise that my ideal self is just regurgitating things my parents have said to me or saying things which are the product of internalizing wider social structures such as beauty or gender norms. This has made it easier to stop paying attention to my self-hating mental commentary since it is not a product of me in isolation but me within a web of awful social relations.
I don't think the ''me in isolation'' actually exist, or if it does I don't personally find him via introspection, I don't know what it (or rather I) is/am.
I try to do that but then I start beating myself up with the philosophical argument that reality is subjective. So internalizing fragments of other peoples reality is just as valid as my own. Maybe not logically but at least functionally. I know it looks even more insane when I write it down xD
I'm already doing that to the (and sometimes beyond) the extent I'm able to. The main social relations causing me harm are old imprinted ones (that I just have to work through) and general societal attitudes that are shit and can only be avoided so much.
Not violently Bri'ish enough. It's missing a second word after "Thorn" that sounds like there is a 50/50 chance for it either being a really old English regional word or completely made up, like "Thornthrop", or "Thornswary", or "Thornspoggle".
@@ellenorbjornsdottir1166 I would say it’s even more British. Abigail Thorn sounds like the name of the cute academic girl the main character falls in love with in a well-written book. It has tea-dates-and-awkward-silence-when-colonialism-is-brought up vibes, and there’s nothing more British than that! (Btw I don’t think this is an exact description of Abigail’s personality, it’s just the kind of person I think of when I hear the name. And to be clear I think it’s a lovely name)
I know that the you that we see in your work is a curated version. A parasocial interaction. But I really do aspire to be like you, In my attitude towards other people. Your face, body language, tone and wording is so compassionate and empathetic. But so is your praxis. Which we all see reflected in your work here on RUclips. Your a treasure 💜💜💜
Hey, speaking of parasocial interactions, did you recently check out that Reddit AMA w/ Bo Burnham? I ask because one question explicitly referenced the concept of parasocial interaction (and it seemed likely, given that the AMA was only yesterday).
Poppy Blofeld No sorry. I became familiar with the concept about a year ago. Mainly because all the lefty RUclipsrs love talking about it on there streams. Meta analysis of their relationship with their audience, there fellow RUclipsrs, and the personality they created.
Thinning the Fog I actually have quite the treat for you then. The various lefty RUclipsrs have all talked about it at various times in videos and streams. But there's actually a stream from a year ago called 'LIVESTREAM: Internet persona and you' It includes. Lindsay Ellis, Natalie and Hbomberguy as well as some other leftist RUclipsrs talking about parasocial relationships for awhile ^^
Zara - Ohhh thanks for the pointer! I've separately watched tons of content from each of those creators and a joint discussion from them is something I didn't realize I wanted to hear until you showed me its existence.
Thank you for including “biphobia” in your list of forms of internalized oppression!! It may seem like a small thing, but to me it was important. I’m bi, and it’s so rare that our experiences are valued enough to be included in the conversation, or sometimes we’re just forgotten about. So thank you for that remembering and including us!
@@512TheWolf512 I'm bi and honestly sometimes I wonder if I get hate from both sides bc some people are jealous of my "freedom" to just love. I put it in quotes bc sometimes it feels free and sometimes it feels like hell.
I think calling it the "Ideal self" is a little misleading. The voice telling you to improve or that you're not good enough, the voice that sets the unreachable standard that is perfection, is not who you want to be, but the motivator to become that person even if that person is literally impossible to become. Because your "Ideal self" voice might be extremely cruel to you while attempting to coheres you into being a kinder person. "You're such a bad person why aren't you nicer and more considerate, why are you always so mean to people, you're awful." but the person that voice is trying to create wouldn't say that to someone else.
@@autonomousAcquaintances theres a difference between a voice saying "that was a bad choice, just learn and do better next time" based on ideals and "you fucking suck, you are a stupid pos who can't do anything right" based on ideals. So it is"the ideal self" either way, but some may be able to use it as you described as a motivator to be closer to their ideal self but to others it can be a crippling everpresent internal bully. And philosophy tube also admits throwing it away completely can be just as dangerous or bad. Its the difference between healthy self reflection (self improvement) and unhealthy hyper selfcriticism (internalized oppression, self hatred, etc). But in both cases the standard is rooted in comparison to the "ideal self." I think, based on that, "ideal self" is an adequate word to describe said standards on self criticized on thats based off ideals. Personally i suffer with diagnosed m.d.d. and ptsd so my ideal self is very negative in it's criticism, not constructive. Just food for thought.
I knew most if not all artists experienced *_imposter syndrome_* but once I saw the first 2 minutes of Bojack Horseman Season 4 episode 6 hearing his *Unrelentingly brutal inner monologue* then I realised it happens to all of us
@@Nkanyiso_K if you enjoyed the song at the end of that episode you should check out more of the artists work. Her name is K.Flay and I fell in love when I started going through her discography
So I made a bit of a mistake and decided to watch/listen this in the morning as Im at work and that ending bit just had me in tears. The way you describe both that sudden quietness of that Ideal Self that constantly is telling you to do more (and, when you have depression or anxiety, often in cruel and self-abusive ways) and the like, experience of finding a name for yourself and the exuberantly great feeling that brings was just beautiful. The latter of which especially resonated with me so deeply and well as a trans woman (and likely a severe majority of trans people likely would feel the same). Thanks for another lovely video Olly!
I'm a recently awakened trans girl at age 25. My "not-good-enough" alter ego has been a burden as long as I can remember. When I realized much of what it hated about me could be summed up as dysphoria, it didn't skip a beat in moving ahead to "what if you're just lying to yourself about that, though?" But I know that bastard's tricks, and I suppose with self-loathing it's more true than ever to say "living well is the best revenge". On that note, your point about the empowering feeling of naming oneself hit really close to home for me, given recent experiences. I also find it so sweet that you took Josephine as one of your middle names. It's a very beautiful name.
Ironically... My ideal self would be someone like you_, someone who can speak about anything and make it engaging for the listener, someone charismatic and in love with life... I stopped talking to people because i felt that hearing me talk is a worthless experience for other people to have.
hey, I tend to think of myself as mediocre at best but I do think this is one of my skills and I think I understand the fundamentals of it good enough that I might be able to help if you're still in this place. If you're interested in chatting, I could give you my contact info. I hope you're healing.
I don't comment on RUclips channels as a rule. I enjoy your videos very much, but this is the first one I've felt moved to share with my teenage son who is grappling with severe anxiety. So thank you, Olly. Just, thank you.
The happiest experience I've ever had in my entire life was a moment just like the one you described, Olly. There's this park about twenty minutes' walk from my house which I had gone to when I was a little kid all the time. Last year, I decided I would take another look at this park and check out the one part of the park I had always been afraid of, this section separated by a line of trees which I discovered lead into a huge ravine. I walked through the ravine for several hours, it was so quiet down there that the sound of squirrels running through the dry leaves made me look over my shoulder and found myself more gleefully happy than I had ever been in my entire life. That was because, for the first time in my entire life, it wasn't just quiet outside of me, but quiet internally. In a place so quiet with no one else around, I was just able to exist, to exist and not have to think constantly about how other were thinking about me or how I was portraying myself to others, something I've always struggled with. Having a mind that was clear and empty of all self-doubt and all self-consciousness was truly one of the best experiences I've ever had in my entire life.
Jacob Marion I get you man, one time I was up on a pass in Ladakh in the Himalayas, there were about 120 people on the trek, but I got up there 3rd and everyone else was about an hour behind. Went and sat down. Just looking out over the sky and the endless mountains, gleaming with snow. Just me and the stones and the infinite sky, cool wind racing past me. Never felt that feeling since and all I wanna do when I get outta college is buss back to the mountains and spend a couple years walking around
There's a lot to be said for spending time in nature and experience awe at the natural world. It works like a drug for me whenever things get too hard.
I've came to a similar conclusion with advertising. Essentially corporations are actively working against our idealized selves while feeding us scripts of what they should be. They want us poorer, quieter, fatter, distracted, and powerless while at the same time disgusted that we are not richer, louder, skinnier, focused, and powerful. It's the reason why programs like The Majority Report are so therapeutic to me. Their message externalizes the inner voice and critiques it by critiquing capitalist societies and their systems of oppression.
Oh yeah. I mean I do like those videos, but podcasts like The Majority Report connect it into the current day. Video essays are great to provide the necessary perspectives, but there's no release from oppression. It's the difference between examining the boot we're all crushed under versus looking across at the people crawling to escape the crushing weight.
Sam, have you ever listened to the debate with Sam Seder and Jimmy Dore? I don't think I'll ever respect Jimmy Dore ever again. Listen to that and tell me you don't feel the same.
Jesus Christ, this is the first time I’ve watched this video, despite being a fan for a while and I have to concur with the comments... this is the prequel to the black star series Congrats abi :)
@@coolbanana165 Abi made the black star series to talk about mental health. The first one is about suicidal thoughts, the second one was about abusive relationships, and the third one was about her transition (and what it feels like to be trans). People are saying this is the prequel both because it talks about mental health. And a lot of the specific thoughts that were expressed in this video are things that many questioning trans women deal with before they realize that they are trans.
The song Here Comes A Thought from Steven universe is a song that really helps me with my anxiety. It may sound silly that a song from a cartoon for kids would be helpful at all, but it really is and I would encourage people to listen to it.
As a trans person, changing my name was a ride. I did a combination of an old name and a new name, but suddenly I am my own person. I am a step closer to the beautiful circus librarian I want to be. I long for the day that I can experience the quite of the mind, even just slightly, because it's always nagging in the back of my head. But thank you, Oliver Josephine Jacob Thorne, for being amazing, and and inspiration. Much love, from Sweden
13:41 *as a trans person* I can say that naming yourself makes you feel powerful. Also be named by a friend... that was just undescribable. to make things clear: last year I realized that I'm trans and chose a name, but it was super basic, and I just had met this super cool guy (my best friend) and we were starting to become friends and when I told him about my name change he was supportive about everything but the name (because it was too basic) so he CHOSE A NAME FOR ME, HE LITERALLY NAMED ME. So he's awesome. then I decided to have a middle name and I wanted it to be something Catholic because my mom is Catholic and named me and my siblings catholic names without my dad noticing, and me naming myself would devaluate the name that she chose. So for her I decided to have a catholic middle name and chose "Cain". my plan is to surprise her when I get my name legally changed and show her the name and be like "I do it for you, don't worry for me doing it *just* to please you, I actually like the name". so yea. both experiences. awesome.
I don't know if you'll see this but I'm wondering how you're doing now? I hope your life is going amazing. I'm currently in a relationship and my gender dysphoria has been a constant In my life I'm still not sure I'm ready to be open or if it would ruin my relationship. They accept me but they're parents are very traditional. She hopes to move back to cote d'voire . They're parents wouldn't be okay with an openly trans woman marrying their daughter.
As a person who's struggled with eating disorders for a while 1) the content warning at the beginning of section 3 was super appreciated, but 2) I'm glad you were open with this (somewhat similar) experience because it makes me feel less ashamed about that part of my past and ergo more likely to move past it
This comment (and comments like these) are ridiculously annoying. Mayyyyyybeeeeee we shouldn’t reduce people’s complicated lives to a series of foreshadowing moments
@@williamevans1708 i understood fine, buddy. you dont understand what people mean when they say "egg vibes". it has nothing to do with something that will happen in the future. it isnt foreshadowing. your accusation is nonsense.
I'm curious, Abby, if now that you're transitioning your internal monologue of self-hatred has improved. I know mine did when I found myself. Regardless, thanks for being so open about these sorts of subjects. ~Remy (they/them)
Although I am not apart of many, if not any, marginalized group, I am of the lower class and sometimes I experience the internalized oppression in regards to my economic condition due to the rhetoric that tells us all that hard work is rewarded by wealth, and therefore poverty is a sign of laziness or weakness. If I had to deal with other forms of internalized oppression in addition to that I would not likely be able to make it through the day. It is important to support remove all forms of discrimination, including economic, so that the human condition can fulfill itself through our hobbies and interests. This is why I believe that socialism that abolishes all forms of discrimination is a necessary step in the social evolution.
Class oppression is the first and foremost of the oppressive hierarchies of our society. The lion's share of the oppression a person experiences is based on their class. Racism is a particularly awful form that receives a lot of (due) attention in discussions of oppression but it's not often properly contextualised into class dynamics, i.e. a black person in the US is subject to a form of oppression that makes it more likely for them to be working poor without opportunity to improve their conditions, but it is BEING working class that contributes most to their poor quality of life. Yes, you're undoubtedly better off as a working white man than as a working woman or a working black man, but that difference is nowhere as big as that between all three of you and a rich person of any race or gender. Point is, you ARE oppressed. Maybe not as much as some, but pretty fucking bad and you SHOULD be pissed about it.
Yeahhh. My ideal self hates me. For how I look, for things I think, for my social awkwardness and my dyspraxia. Plus any time someone says something nice about me, I become supremely embarrassed because I don't believe i deserve it. It makes me feel like I have conned someone into complimenting me. Finding employment after a long time out of work helped, but it still has its claws in me.
A big revelation for me during my weekly psychotherapy sessions was that the reason my inner critic is never satisfied is that it has non-specific goals. The only thing it wants is "more." Even if I complete a task perfectly that I've been putting off, it will tell me that "I should have done it sooner." This makes it hard to be satisfied with any job well done, and in turn, makes it extra difficult to do what should be simple tasks. It's something I still struggle with, and I wish I could say I found a good way to deal with it, but at least I understand a bit better now why I struggle with things that "should" be easy.
In some small part you’ve helped a clinically depressed obsessive, who’s let his entire life, and every aspect of it, be dictated and destroyed by internal shame of my overweight body. Thank you x
"Other people don't really like you, they just pretend to" hit me so hard I gasped. I've been feeling that way since I was a kid. I used to think my best friend who had been around for almost a decade was gonna come up to me someday and say 'gotcha' and reveal they've just been my friend for a laugh this whole time.
Going back to this video after today! I'm so happy for you Abigail!! I always remember your last few words about choosing your own name and it always made me feel so happy and invincible. I don't know if you read old comments or if you read comments at all (understandable for mental health reasons) but I just wanted to say I'm so proud of you for exercising your autonomy again (literally!).
I'm going to out myself as privileged, but I never understood trigger warnings until I heard the first 1.5 minutes of this video and then felt really bad
Hi Guys Just wanted to chime in if anyone's sort of in the middle of some sort of depressive/anxiety driven/severe psychological distress type episode then the phenomenon of critical internal monologues is something I really strongly suggest, as a doctor, (and in the least dismissive way I can and with the utmost respect to Olly and you) that if you have an active mental illness that features this sort of self thought it might be better to be working with a psychologist or qualified clinician to formulate your relationship with this monologue and perhaps not a philosopher on a youtube making a video not necessarily aimed at someone who is not feeling so terrible they actively unable to sleep or eat or concentrate or remember anything because they're having such a terrible time. Olly (and for that matter philosophy in general) as always discusses this phenomenon fascinatingly and brings a valid and enlightening take to it that I enjoyed immensely. Having said that it's a philosopher's take that assumes the person listening has a somewhat okay relationship with the monologue, an escalation in critical internal voices in the context of an active depressive episode or most other severe psychological afflications you'd name are really the sort of thing that suggest the need for a pragmatic and treatment orientated lens with an experienced professional. In a therapeutic lens what this video is discussing is referred to (in a CBT model at least...depending on who you talk to...) as the "pathological critic". The tone of Mr Thorne's argument to my reading says something along the lines of "this is the best aspects of some externalised self...it is overly critical but identifies the sort of ideal person and can be used redemptively" (I'm really sorry if I misunderstood; Olly seems much smarter than I am) and this is arguably the case and makes a great deal of philosophical sense but... if... a person were in an acute phase of intense psychological distress the issue with offering this formulation as a therapeutic tool generally becomes that this critic tends to attempt to operate from a position of moral authority so framing it as something with legitimate authority tends to ingrain it in someone who is vulnerable to it (which if it's keeping someone from getting out of bed...is not...generally helpful.) Generally what would happen (in CBT at least...maybe...depending on many things...and probably not in like a BPD where the therapy has it's own thing and it's all a bit different and can be a bit harder to do this well) is a psychologist would (depending on the patient's acuity and the kind of things they were saying)... uh ...frame this critic as "unhelpfully critical" in some way. They might gesture to some thought you had for example there was something in this video to the effect of Ollie's critic (I'm really sorry if I'm spelling your name wrong....and also that I'm repeating this) saying to Ollie: "You look really fat in this video and your skin is so red; you look like a giant tomato! give up you fruit themed loser!" and the therapist might (I think reasonably) wonder to you "if you were to hear some third party give this as feedback on some other person's video would you consider that a helpful criticism?" (I mean...it doesn't sound all that helpful to me). most would pretty confidently say no that's not a helpful and well framed criticism for someone to give (kind of just unprofessional horrible abuse actually), generally (maybe with a little prompt) people would decide that person is a jerk and their advice should not be sought or listened to if it's pro-offered. The question you'd sort of leave the client/patient/person(/whatever you think we should call them) to stew on a bit would be something like "well if that other moron's advice is unhelpful and shouldn't be listened to.... why are you listening to it from this internal entity?". Maybe some people might argue that after someone is like... sleeping... and eating... okay... (and otherwise not like neurovegitatively impaired) generally feeling a bit better you might formulate it a bit more but... the issue with this entity is it... doesn't give very useful advice... it kind of ultimately wants you to stay in your room and never go outside (then it mocks you for staying in your room and never going outside)... maybe one can kind of glean from the sorts of thing it unhelpfully screams at you about what perhaps you should be aiming toward but I'd suggest there may be gentler paths to the same... and it's generally helpful to deny it any moral authority... imagining it as like donald duck or I dunno some other stupid character something along those lines. ... I guess the point is if you are in some form of severe and unremitting psychological distress (first off good job for being able to concentrate this far into like the longest and most difficult comment ever) and you have some critical internal monologue that's distressing I would really suggest trying to understand in a therapeutic setting it with the help of a medical or psychological professional. Also particularly if you actually physically hear the voice as though someone you can't see is talking to you then a medical doctor is likely a good person to speak with... somewhat urgently. Um and without trying to be unkindly critical to Olly (indeed I'll attempt very kindly and gently) I would very gently wonder if it's worth considering perhaps if you make more videos that intersects heavily with psychological phenomenology that characterises some or other severe mental illness (and I think you definitely should!) there might be a really good thing to in addition to the invaluable take of a philosopher have the input of some or other form of mental health professional in the scripting process?
This video really helped me understand the internalized transphobia I personally experience despite everyone saying I pass and am attractive. I honestly started to cry when you brought up Tiffany Tumbles, that was far too real.
Oh boy editing a video of yourself is uncomfortable. The sort of split you discuss is made very visceral when you're literally staring at your own face and I definitely understand what you mean when you talk of your difficulty in even revealing more of your body in the frame. I still replay conversations in my head that I had a decade ago trying to figure out what I should have said because I've also been pretty well acquainted to Mr. Not-good-enough for a while. Great video as always.
Ollie, mate, it's 4:30am I'm crying while bagging recyclables in my kitchen. You've done it again; I've never heard someone talk about this in a way that just...really hits home. And brings hope. Thank you so much.
Its not entirely related to the video, but I love the little speech about the sea and the sun. I love to listen to people describing their moments of like, peace and realisation in places they dont expect. I love listening to you, and i can only hope to be lucky enough to meet people like you in my future 😊
7:47 ✨Double consciousness. that's it. I can't believe it! This definition sums up perfectly what I've been struggling with my entire life and couldn't find the words to accurately describe . This condition is super exausing on its own , let alone trying to make sense of it when even my therapist couldn't identify it .. and now that I've found that it has a label and it's something that other people go through too I can finally FINALLY start exploring it and hopefully work on improving my symptoms. I love this channel ❣️
I recently talked to a Marxist about Money, and I thought that that'd be an awesome video Idea fitting your Channel. Very simplified it says, that the purpose of money is the objectification of human relationships. Usually you would need to kindly ask hundreds of people for their labour and help just to create that one snickers you ate, but through money you can see all of that just as a thing, skip all of the human interaction and do not have to think a bout the conditions under which people created what you just ate. Only this anonymity makes capitalism work in the first place, I bet most people wouldn't personally force children to sew their clothes.
But that's not the purpose of money. You literally can't have trading without money. Seems to me that marxists forget about that when they demonise money.
@@liveinthequestions7148 Not true for a stone age, but for a civilization with milions of people and hundrends of thousants of different jobs and resources, it is true. Would everything be fine if someone just eliminate electricity from the world?
As a trans kid the bit about naming yourself hit me hard. I recently changed my name, for a variety of reasons mostly trauma related. But there's something so empowering and happy about being called the name I picked. I chose this name for myself and having that desire to be called something that best reflects that ideal me I will spend the rest of my life chasing validated? It's a solid step that brings me closer to the unattainable
Abby: chooses Josephine as a middle name when she had to change hers to be an actress Abby: yep. I'm definitely a manly men. Very masculine. Maaaaaale. 😂😂😂 I absolutely love watching her older videos and seeing glimpses of today in them
Don't even know what to say. This is a brilliant video. I'm probably gonna watch it again. I will say it is one of three RUclips videos that have managed to make me cry. What a beautiful description of a sunset! I felt like I was there.
Thats very close to «the world as will and representation» by Schopenhauer. Our desires can never be totally fulfilled, but we can temporarily get rid of the feeling that something is missing, when we are lost in contemplation
I appreciate you making this video. Ever since I was younger, I’ve felt very depressed about the world around me and I always wanted everything I did to be perfect. I blamed everything bad that happened on myself and I think this put me in an even more depressed state, since I always was so scared of failure. I still struggle with blaming everything on myself, but I’m trying to do it less. I always knew I was too harsh on myself and had bad self confidence, but I’m not sure why I never did something about it. I’m only 17 years old, but I feel like my bad thoughts have prevented me from things I want to do, such as having fun with friends, exploring new things and being happy in general. A while ago, I became more depressed and shut down, so my mom helped me get in contact with a therapist. I’ve had quite bad experiences with therapists before, but even though I didn’t like being there very much, it did make me want to improve myself. Today I watched a couple of youtube videos and eventually ran into this. I think what you talked about was more relevant than anything else and I wish you the best 👍
Hi! I blame myself for everything too, and I never feel like I actually deserve to be happy and I think those are correlated. Little tip: Write down the things you feel guilty about, and do it often, and for every unreasonable guilt you feel, refute it with a logical argument because most of the times we know how illogical these feelings of guilt are but that doesn't mean it reaches our hearts. Writing it down really helps engrain it. It helps me a lot, and keep going to therapy too.
I resonate a lot with the experience of being happy even when your body doesn't match your ideal. The time that I was the skinniest in my lifetime was when I was depressed, not eating, and exercising as a self punishment. I looked good in skinny jeans! But my mind was fucked. Now, I've gained a little bit of weight and am wearing a bigger size jeans than then, but I'm mentally stable, eat well, and sleep well.
Literally moved to tears when you spoke about the autonomy of self-naming and saying your real name or what you tell people literally brought tears to my eyes it was beautiful thank you for sharing
I once heard (I think it was an episode of This American Life?) about a guy who struggled with anxiety who wrote some sort of script that would send him texts from time to time saying things that his anxiety would tell him. Apparently hearing it from an external source rather than an internal voice made it glaringly apparent how obviously ridiculous and wrong those types of thoughts are.
hey dude, what really helped me with my inner critiques was the realization that behind every self loathing is a frightened child part of myself, that got humiliated or hurt in the past and tries to protect us via that wave of negativity. whenever I get that bullshit, I am asking myself "what am I afraid of now?" and when I allow myself to see that scared child inside me, I can embrace my vulnerability and help myself.
I'm not from the UK and my mom calls the voice inside my head my "british nanny". It was fun to watch a video about this subject in your very charming accent.
Omg! Art and nature as temporary refuge from our constantly anxious internal ego is a conclusion that I thought I was the only one to feel. I am so glad you articulated it so well!
This is my first video I've seen on this channel (coming from Contra) and so I've never seen Olly before. At the beginning when he was being overly critical and experiencing negative self-talk, all I was doing was listening to all the things he was saying and thinking almost, if not, the complete opposite. It's funny how you can see aspects of yourself as entirely negative while others can see it in a completely different, positive light. Jesus Christ he's attractive, intelligent, and has a beautiful voice. But just like everyone else (at least the vast majority), he has an ideal self that isn't where he is right now. I don't know if anyone really becomes their ideal self because it's one of those things where once you get close, you just keep pushing your expectations further.
After a whole day of constant self hatred, where my head has been constantly saying that I'm wasting my life away and no one wants to have to deal with me, this was exactly the video I needed. Your story about the sea was absolutely entrancing and it honestly made me feel so much better about myself. I may be stuck in a rut at the moment, but I don't have to listen to the voice that seemes to really have it in for me today. Thank you so much Olly! :)
That bit at the end about your real name reminded me of when I converted to Islam and picked my islamic name from the historic figure whose history and philosophy inspired me to know more about Islam, Ali ibn Abu Talib. Ever since then, I reffer to myself mostly (and so do my friends) as Rodrigo Ali Villarino or just Rodrigo Ali. Also, my closest friends call me Koi after Koichi Hirose, my favorite character from Jojo's, to whom, according to them, am really similar. Also, my inner voice sounded like a pedantic elitist version myself when I was little but changed to that of my ex wife a few years ago and realised a couple of months ago (a year after our divorce) that she did plant a lot of the meaner things it says to me on my mind... working through it ever since I came to the realization.
Thank you so much for posting this : ) I’m in recovery from an eating disorder. I went into treatment in 2012 after years of losing against the voice I called ‘The Monster’. Though it was cruel and convinced me to do terrible things to myself, I felt a kinship with it. Now I know how to keep The Monster from controlling me. It came to me to soothe a different kind of pain, and for that I could never hate it. But I hold The Monster’s leash, not the other way around. I’m learning to appreciate my body for what it is instead of wishing is were something it isn’t. It’s a daily process. It makes me sad to hear the way Mr.NotGoodEnough talks to you. I’m glad you’re able to find things to ease him. Sending strength and good vibes from across the pond! Isn’t the internet rad?
Your remarks about art helping us silence the 'little voice' are very interesting to me. Because, I often find myself *confronted* with the 'voice' when I read poetry or listen to music. I think that to feel this kind of 'euphoria', we need to see our actual selves reflected in the art, rather than our ideal selves, which can happen. And I think the same thing goes for social interactions: if we see our actual selves reflected in the other, we feel valued, we feel *seen* , recognised, 'good enough as we are'. But if we can only see our ideal self in the other, then we feel inadequate, lesser than, and 'not good enough'. And this can be a real problem, because we *need* the first kind of recognition, but the second type of interaction can prevent us from finding it, or discourage us from seeking it out. I'm curious if there is a remedy here; I myself don't know the solution... And now that this part is buried: the part about names, and answering 'what's your real name' with your chosen name very much resonates with me, as a trans person. It's also a lot of fun when people tell you it's a nice name, because you can say 'thanks, I chose it myself'.
Someone might have commented this already, but in psychology, there is a therapy called Emotion Focused therapy that is based partly on having a person's critical self and experienced self talk to and try understand each other. I just find it interesting how philosophy is at the root of some of (or a lot of) our science.
Watching your videos is like watching a theatre. I always want to stand up and clap at the end. Your points are so well made and put in interesting way they are amusing. It's like eating a very well made meal that you can't help but nod your head while eating it.
Thought I'd ask now after 2 years where you stand. Regardless, we'll keep a spot at the table for you, when you're ready. We'll keep the kettle on, comrade ;p
@@andrewgould6689 i did become a leftist for a while lol. But now i wouldn't wish central planning on India rn. The state is notoriously corrupt and previous attempts at slight socialism haven't been very good. No Indian party opposes welfare and I think there are ways to get by without focusing on the material too much. The hindutva movement could synthesise socialism with spirituality but unfortunately too many of them want to off any m*slim they encounter. Maybe someday tho.
@@aagantuk7370 Don't mistake social democracy with socialism, friend! Capitalists have made an effort to frame socialism as just parliamentary democracy with a bigger bureaucracy and more interventionism, or as centrally-planned state capitalism, but that's not the goal for most leftists. To hell with central planning and corrupt bureaucrats, socialism is stateless and classless, abolish the state and let all of society be led directly by elected bodies of those of us who build it! And socialism isn't incompatible with spirituality at all. I'm quite spiritual myself, and marxist analysis may be very materialist but that's only because it was made to describe material realities. There's no reason why socialism and spirituality can't be integrated, and i rather believe they should be. Change will only come from the people themselves, friend, you're right to distrust the politicians.
I was depressed for so many years that my ideal self just became a basic functional human. As I've recovered it's been interesting because my ideal self is just starting to adapt and raise the bar. But for a while I actually lived up to the ideal self and that was WILD.
TW: Eating disorder . . . . I was the happiest when I was unhealthy as well. That feeling in my stomach when I was hungry and following every pound I had lost gave me more happiness than anything when it comes to my body. I have accepted the fact that I will never have my ideal body but I still can't stop but miss walking around hungry and talk about how little I ate that day with a huge smile on my face. I am at my heaviest and I really don't know what to do
Now that I realize this I literally can’t imagine myself healed. I can’t imagine anything I can do to fix this. Affirmation from outside is needed but that is unrealistic. I can talk myself into doing almost anything ON MY OWN. If the goal has anything to do with someone else caring, supporting or committing to me I don’t go for it or I look for opportunities to work with someone temporarily and then move on. I realize now that that is about being fearful that people will soon see me fully, soon get to know me fully and then they will reject me. I have no idea how I will EVER escape this. EVER!
This video must have been really difficult to make. I never want to share with anyone the ugly thoughts I have in my head. So I really appreciate you coming out to make this video.
If I may just slide into the comments six months late and talk about something that is somewhat unrelated; I have to say I just really love the part where Oliver talks about why beauty is so important! He really eloquently summed up what I strive to do in my paintings, that is to create an opportunity for the viewer to be calm. It feels really nice to have that aspect of art praised because there has been a trend of looking down on art that is created to be 'pretty'. That it's mindless, pointless, just hotel art. But beauty is important, tranquility is a necessity. Art that creates a moment where someone can experience that is important. I mean really, just thank you for validating that.!
I think part of the inner voice that’s so painful is the deep shame it insets as well. Knowing you will never be your ideal is a hard pill to swallow, but when you finally do i think it’s easier to find happiness
Aw I loved this video Especially the joy you expressed when you told the story about going to see sharks, not only was the video very well done but it made feel good just listening to it. 😄
I just discovered you today and I have to tell you, this video in particular has made a profound impact on me. My depression has been getting worse for several months and trying to find the right combination of medication and therapy has been a discouraging journey to say the least. Yesterday my therapist told me that I should probably commit myself to a hospital before I hurt myself because she is THAT worried about me. Of course, I work 40 hours a week and its the busiest time of year for my job so I can't leave. I have to continue this fight on my own....but I'm not alone. I have the internal monologue to try to bring me down, but I also have you! And Natalie! And Dan! And Lindsay! And everyone else on RUclips to give me parasocial relationships that I use to help get through my day. Your struggle with your own personal demons really touched me and resonated with me. You are right that sometimes the voice inside your head tells you terrible lies. For instance, I know you were making comments about how you look but I find you INCREDIBLY attractive. You are a freaking catch and any man/woman/human would be blessed to be with you. I have to, as well, remember that about myself. Its easier to give encouraging comments to others, like the way you pose and the way you smile and the way you phrase things are a joy for me to watch. Crap, I may have fallen in love with you I'm sorry. My point is, thank you for reminding me that I'm not the only one dealing with the voice. I can manage how I handle listening to the voice. And I can learn to react to the voice better. Thank you for making this video. You are a gift to this world.
At least for me, as a trans person, I did something similar when I found my "new" name. Trying to imagine an ideal self and name that instead of naming me. Idk what it means but I think it's interesting. I think it makes that idealised self feel a little bit closer.
thank you for talking about your body image issues. i have been experiencing the exact same thing. it’s so difficult to feel like have to chose between a healthy body and one i am happy with. keep it up with the videos. i always look forward to them
It's really nice to hear someone else talk about the power of naming yourself from someone outside the trans community, where it's so common. I've heard being talk about the power of naming yourself before, Self Actualization, a name being a promise to yourself, a line in the sand or a message that states your intentions to others, but there's something really special about hearing your take, and the very personal grasp on it. I've been asked enough times to have lost count "Well did you have to pick such a different name? Why can't you jsut be yourself and let us still call you [deadname]? Why do you have to be difficult?" So to hear someone outside of the very specific demographic of trans people discover the actual power of giving yourself your own name, a name that means something significant to you, it is really... I'm not sure how to describe it but to say that it's impactful, and it gives me hope that people around me have the chance, however slim, to actually understand this depth of meaning that I cannot properly convey. sorry to get all weird, I jsut thought that I should say something since that part of hte video got to me in a way I was not expecting.
This was incredible, Olly! Thank you for sharing your experience so openly and eloquently. The connection between the idea of the persistence of the “should” feeling and ethics/morality is fascinating. This will keep me thinking about it for a long time, especially as it concerns reconciling each individual’s “ideal(s)” with possible shared ethical/moral standards. I also love your comments about beauty- I agree completely :)
Pro tip: if you ever feel that you’re bad at aiming in video games, pretend the enemies you’re killing are versions of you, and then you’ll automatically get better :)
Based on Olly's newest video, I'm guessing this must have been the first video he filmed following the end of his abusive relationship. Fitting note to start his revamped channel on, I think.
I'm still quite young so while I knew everyone actually experienced this, I could never really wrap my head around it. But this video gave me that thing where you're looking at people and realise that every single person you see has a life and mind as deep and complex as yours, but the feeling was a billion times worse because it wasn't just "whoa these people have lives i can't even begin to imagine" but the realisation that so many other people do in fact judge themselves as harshly as i judge myself. I'm quite angry at you at the moment because i wasn't planning on having an existential crisis the day before going back to school but also thank you for this because i think you finally drilled it into my brain. Found your channel quite recently and I already love what yo do. Keep up the good work!
I hear these voices all the time especially at night, about me not being good enough Or that I'm not good enough and that I'm worthless. Also that I should give up and let go. Suicidal thoughts, I don't want to die I just want relief.
I read an article by a psychologist on Psychology Today that split the "self" into three parts: the actual self, the ideal self, and the true self. The actual self is who you are based on your real thoughts and actions, the ideal self is what you wish to be and/or seek to become, and the true self is the source of original thought unfiltered and untainted by others or your own impulses. I apply this understanding to my own philosophy, in which the true self is the ideal self. Striving to be who you truly are is the most beneficial aim to have, and it turns this inner voice into a useful instructor rather than a berating bully. It mitigates the negative aspects of the inner voice while utilizing the positive.
First video filmed in the new studio! My Experienced Self hopes you enjoy it; my Ideal Self, Mr. Not Good Enough, has sent me some notes:
- Sound Quality. Time to spring for a decent microphone for the next batch of filming, you twit.
- Face. Shiny. If you absolutely have to feature that thing on camera, get some makeup.
Miss you're not good enough stops me from even writing a comment because I'm shallow and my commentary is worthless
tip for the audio : Put more stuff into that studio like decoration would make it more appealing to the eye and also would remove that reverb effekts which comes from the soundwaves being unimpaired on reflecting from the walls, so just put some obstacles for the soundwaves in the room and you'll be good c:
PLUS A NEAT SET IS ALWAYS CUTE AND NICE TOO LOOKAT!
Also not to pile on here what with the ruthless criticism you gave yourself. But I think I might know a short term resolution fix for the microphone.
Try covering it with something, a sock, some gauze and rubberbands maybe, something along those lines. It might get rid of the harsh S-sounds.
I can imagine it wasn't easy, but I hope that you feel overall good about having shared some of your vulnerabilities in this video. You expressed it really eloquently, and this sort of thing is helpful to me, and I imagine it helps other people too. Please have a good day, because you've created a very good channel
Contrapoints does an excellent job with production quality. I'm sure if Mr. Not Good Enough wants some validation you could find it with some constructive criticism from her. She may help you find some sort of center when it comes to that kind of criticism.
this video is snatched I'm living for it I am literally obsessed
ContraPoints please don't feed the shippers. 😁
Tiffany Tumbles X Mr. Not Good Enough is the new ship, alongside Paul Joseph Tube.
Tiff tiff! How you doing gurl?!?
I can literally hear Sandstorm by Darude blasting through my window from outside - Mr Not Good Enough dies in the audio bleach along with my soul... ...Tiffany Tumbles is having a party.
Shipping it so hard.
That part about naming one's self hits differently now... Love you Abigail so much
13:15-13:30: I wonder if Abigail's picked a new acting name.
I mean, it seems like something she'd _want_ to do, but I don't know how acting name rules work.
Something I've learned to do with my ideal self is to ask the question 'who is talking?' When I do so I quickly realise that my ideal self is just regurgitating things my parents have said to me or saying things which are the product of internalizing wider social structures such as beauty or gender norms. This has made it easier to stop paying attention to my self-hating mental commentary since it is not a product of me in isolation but me within a web of awful social relations.
I don't think the ''me in isolation'' actually exist, or if it does I don't personally find him via introspection, I don't know what it (or rather I) is/am.
mb9607 i agree at the end of the day your identity is a construction. That being the case it better be a positive one.
I try to do that but then I start beating myself up with the philosophical argument that reality is subjective. So internalizing fragments of other peoples reality is just as valid as my own. Maybe not logically but at least functionally.
I know it looks even more insane when I write it down xD
Find better social relations, or make the ones you have more positive
I'm already doing that to the (and sometimes beyond) the extent I'm able to. The main social relations causing me harm are old imprinted ones (that I just have to work through) and general societal attitudes that are shit and can only be avoided so much.
Okay, real talk, Oliver J.J. Thorn is a violently British name and I love it.
Not violently Bri'ish enough. It's missing a second word after "Thorn" that sounds like there is a 50/50 chance for it either being a really old English regional word or completely made up, like "Thornthrop", or "Thornswary", or "Thornspoggle".
What about Abigail Thorn? Still violently British yea?
@@ellenorbjornsdottir1166
Yup.
@@ellenorbjornsdottir1166 I would say it’s even more British. Abigail Thorn sounds like the name of the cute academic girl the main character falls in love with in a well-written book. It has tea-dates-and-awkward-silence-when-colonialism-is-brought up vibes, and there’s nothing more British than that!
(Btw I don’t think this is an exact description of Abigail’s personality, it’s just the kind of person I think of when I hear the name. And to be clear I think it’s a lovely name)
I know that the you that we see in your work is a curated version. A parasocial interaction.
But I really do aspire to be like you, In my attitude towards other people. Your face, body language, tone and wording is so compassionate and empathetic. But so is your praxis. Which we all see reflected in your work here on RUclips.
Your a treasure 💜💜💜
Hey, speaking of parasocial interactions, did you recently check out that Reddit AMA w/ Bo Burnham? I ask because one question explicitly referenced the concept of parasocial interaction (and it seemed likely, given that the AMA was only yesterday).
Poppy Blofeld No sorry. I became familiar with the concept about a year ago. Mainly because all the lefty RUclipsrs love talking about it on there streams.
Meta analysis of their relationship with their audience, there fellow RUclipsrs, and the personality they created.
Poppy Blofeld Have you got a link? I can only find Bo's AMA's from 2013 and 2016
Thinning the Fog I actually have quite the treat for you then. The various lefty RUclipsrs have all talked about it at various times in videos and streams.
But there's actually a stream from a year ago called 'LIVESTREAM: Internet persona and you' It includes. Lindsay Ellis, Natalie and Hbomberguy as well as some other leftist RUclipsrs talking about parasocial relationships for awhile ^^
Zara - Ohhh thanks for the pointer! I've separately watched tons of content from each of those creators and a joint discussion from them is something I didn't realize I wanted to hear until you showed me its existence.
Thank you for including “biphobia” in your list of forms of internalized oppression!! It may seem like a small thing, but to me it was important. I’m bi, and it’s so rare that our experiences are valued enough to be included in the conversation, or sometimes we’re just forgotten about. So thank you for that remembering and including us!
I think it's part of why I don't dare to talk to girls I'm attracted to :/
this comment aged well, he's Bisexual too!
I think that’s what we call foreshadowing, folx
It's weird, honestly. I am very straight, but even from my purely practical point of view, being bisexual is the best option of the three
@@512TheWolf512 I'm bi and honestly sometimes I wonder if I get hate from both sides bc some people are jealous of my "freedom" to just love. I put it in quotes bc sometimes it feels free and sometimes it feels like hell.
Olly's ideal self is a mean bully. Be nice to baby Olly, he's just a shark boi that loves ocean sunsets.
mean indeed, but SO pretty in that suit .
I think calling it the "Ideal self" is a little misleading. The voice telling you to improve or that you're not good enough, the voice that sets the unreachable standard that is perfection, is not who you want to be, but the motivator to become that person even if that person is literally impossible to become. Because your "Ideal self" voice might be extremely cruel to you while attempting to coheres you into being a kinder person. "You're such a bad person why aren't you nicer and more considerate, why are you always so mean to people, you're awful." but the person that voice is trying to create wouldn't say that to someone else.
@@autonomousAcquaintances theres a difference between a voice saying "that was a bad choice, just learn and do better next time" based on ideals and "you fucking suck, you are a stupid pos who can't do anything right" based on ideals. So it is"the ideal self" either way, but some may be able to use it as you described as a motivator to be closer to their ideal self but to others it can be a crippling everpresent internal bully. And philosophy tube also admits throwing it away completely can be just as dangerous or bad.
Its the difference between healthy self reflection (self improvement) and unhealthy hyper selfcriticism (internalized oppression, self hatred, etc). But in both cases the standard is rooted in comparison to the "ideal self." I think, based on that, "ideal self" is an adequate word to describe said standards on self criticized on thats based off ideals.
Personally i suffer with diagnosed m.d.d. and ptsd so my ideal self is very negative in it's criticism, not constructive.
Just food for thought.
@saijeet dogra I can't believe you made that bloody reference
youre not funny.
tl;dr Begone, thought.
Now that's clever.
Felt this
lol yess
Fucking genius
I knew most if not all artists experienced *_imposter syndrome_* but once I saw the first 2 minutes of Bojack Horseman Season 4 episode 6 hearing his *Unrelentingly brutal inner monologue* then I realised it happens to all of us
I enjoyed the song at the end
I think bojack has MDD aka major depressive disorder and that’s why his inner monologue is so negitive
Omg I feel like bojack is talking to me lol
I felt similarly, I recently started watching Bojack and have just reached season 5. That show really is a horse of a tail.
@@Nkanyiso_K if you enjoyed the song at the end of that episode you should check out more of the artists work. Her name is K.Flay and I fell in love when I started going through her discography
The ending of this vid hits just a little differently now, so hi Abigail.
"What's your real name?" and the emphasis on "Joseph*ine*" hit hard after having forgotten how this video went
Wondering if the new chosen name is also in reference to her favourite actresses or other artists😄
I LITERALLY GOT TO THAT PART AND THOUGHT THE SAME THING
"Abigail Thorn was extremely trans"
Every one of her videos hits different
The whole video honestly
So I made a bit of a mistake and decided to watch/listen this in the morning as Im at work and that ending bit just had me in tears. The way you describe both that sudden quietness of that Ideal Self that constantly is telling you to do more (and, when you have depression or anxiety, often in cruel and self-abusive ways) and the like, experience of finding a name for yourself and the exuberantly great feeling that brings was just beautiful. The latter of which especially resonated with me so deeply and well as a trans woman (and likely a severe majority of trans people likely would feel the same). Thanks for another lovely video Olly!
This aged so well
I'm a recently awakened trans girl at age 25. My "not-good-enough" alter ego has been a burden as long as I can remember. When I realized much of what it hated about me could be summed up as dysphoria, it didn't skip a beat in moving ahead to "what if you're just lying to yourself about that, though?" But I know that bastard's tricks, and I suppose with self-loathing it's more true than ever to say "living well is the best revenge".
On that note, your point about the empowering feeling of naming oneself hit really close to home for me, given recent experiences. I also find it so sweet that you took Josephine as one of your middle names. It's a very beautiful name.
Congrats on your extremely fine-tuned gaydar/queerdar/transdar lol
Ironically... My ideal self would be someone like you_, someone who can speak about anything and make it engaging for the listener, someone charismatic and in love with life... I stopped talking to people because i felt that hearing me talk is a worthless experience for other people to have.
Oh god this comment made me cry - in a nice way though! Sending you much
Philosophy Tube love? Give me your secrets, selfish rat! Jk you are wonderful and ill be working on myself~
If you stop talking to people then you won't be able to improve at talking to people!
You can do it! I believe in you! You too can become a hero
hey, I tend to think of myself as mediocre at best but I do think this is one of my skills and I think I understand the fundamentals of it good enough that I might be able to help if you're still in this place. If you're interested in chatting, I could give you my contact info. I hope you're healing.
I don't comment on RUclips channels as a rule. I enjoy your videos very much, but this is the first one I've felt moved to share with my teenage son who is grappling with severe anxiety.
So thank you, Olly. Just, thank you.
seems like she found an even better name now
The happiest experience I've ever had in my entire life was a moment just like the one you described, Olly. There's this park about twenty minutes' walk from my house which I had gone to when I was a little kid all the time. Last year, I decided I would take another look at this park and check out the one part of the park I had always been afraid of, this section separated by a line of trees which I discovered lead into a huge ravine. I walked through the ravine for several hours, it was so quiet down there that the sound of squirrels running through the dry leaves made me look over my shoulder and found myself more gleefully happy than I had ever been in my entire life. That was because, for the first time in my entire life, it wasn't just quiet outside of me, but quiet internally. In a place so quiet with no one else around, I was just able to exist, to exist and not have to think constantly about how other were thinking about me or how I was portraying myself to others, something I've always struggled with. Having a mind that was clear and empty of all self-doubt and all self-consciousness was truly one of the best experiences I've ever had in my entire life.
Jacob Marion I get you man, one time I was up on a pass in Ladakh in the Himalayas, there were about 120 people on the trek, but I got up there 3rd and everyone else was about an hour behind. Went and sat down. Just looking out over the sky and the endless mountains, gleaming with snow. Just me and the stones and the infinite sky, cool wind racing past me. Never felt that feeling since and all I wanna do when I get outta college is buss back to the mountains and spend a couple years walking around
Jacob Marion this was simply splendid to read. Thanks for posting.
Mal c.H Aw, thanks! I'm glad you like it! :D
@@StCrimson667
That feeling is (among other things) the point of meditation.
Enlightenment, is being in an even stronger form of that state 24/7
There's a lot to be said for spending time in nature and experience awe at the natural world. It works like a drug for me whenever things get too hard.
I've came to a similar conclusion with advertising. Essentially corporations are actively working against our idealized selves while feeding us scripts of what they should be. They want us poorer, quieter, fatter, distracted, and powerless while at the same time disgusted that we are not richer, louder, skinnier, focused, and powerful. It's the reason why programs like The Majority Report are so therapeutic to me. Their message externalizes the inner voice and critiques it by critiquing capitalist societies and their systems of oppression.
Also Peter Coffin's "ADversaries" where they mock and point out the cringiness of ads.
Oh yeah. I mean I do like those videos, but podcasts like The Majority Report connect it into the current day. Video essays are great to provide the necessary perspectives, but there's no release from oppression. It's the difference between examining the boot we're all crushed under versus looking across at the people crawling to escape the crushing weight.
Sam, have you ever listened to the debate with Sam Seder and Jimmy Dore? I don't think I'll ever respect Jimmy Dore ever again. Listen to that and tell me you don't feel the same.
MR ftw
It's not your fault John. John. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
Jesus Christ, this is the first time I’ve watched this video, despite being a fan for a while and I have to concur with the comments... this is the prequel to the black star series
Congrats abi :)
What is the black star aspect in some recent videos mean? jw
@@coolbanana165 Abi made the black star series to talk about mental health.
The first one is about suicidal thoughts, the second one was about abusive relationships, and the third one was about her transition (and what it feels like to be trans).
People are saying this is the prequel both because it talks about mental health. And a lot of the specific thoughts that were expressed in this video are things that many questioning trans women deal with before they realize that they are trans.
The song Here Comes A Thought from Steven universe is a song that really helps me with my anxiety. It may sound silly that a song from a cartoon for kids would be helpful at all, but it really is and I would encourage people to listen to it.
I have it on my phone and listen to it a lot :)
I listen to this song all the time. It would be wonderful to see a video of philosophy of Steven universe.
@@PhilosophyTube God you're great.
A less positive one, but very relatable, is Thought Bubbles from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
As a trans person, changing my name was a ride. I did a combination of an old name and a new name, but suddenly I am my own person. I am a step closer to the beautiful circus librarian I want to be. I long for the day that I can experience the quite of the mind, even just slightly, because it's always nagging in the back of my head.
But thank you, Oliver Josephine Jacob Thorne, for being amazing, and and inspiration. Much love, from Sweden
Had to be Swedish
circus librarian? that's awesome!
aged well
Based
13:41 *as a trans person* I can say that naming yourself makes you feel powerful. Also be named by a friend... that was just undescribable.
to make things clear:
last year I realized that I'm trans and chose a name, but it was super basic, and I just had met this super cool guy (my best friend) and we were starting to become friends and when I told him about my name change he was supportive about everything but the name (because it was too basic) so he CHOSE A NAME FOR ME, HE LITERALLY NAMED ME.
So he's awesome.
then I decided to have a middle name and I wanted it to be something Catholic because my mom is Catholic and named me and my siblings catholic names without my dad noticing, and me naming myself would devaluate the name that she chose. So for her I decided to have a catholic middle name and chose "Cain".
my plan is to surprise her when I get my name legally changed and show her the name and be like "I do it for you, don't worry for me doing it *just* to please you, I actually like the name".
so yea. both experiences. awesome.
I don't know if you'll see this but I'm wondering how you're doing now? I hope your life is going amazing. I'm currently in a relationship and my gender dysphoria has been a constant In my life I'm still not sure I'm ready to be open or if it would ruin my relationship. They accept me but they're parents are very traditional. She hopes to move back to cote d'voire . They're parents wouldn't be okay with an openly trans woman marrying their daughter.
As a person who's struggled with eating disorders for a while 1) the content warning at the beginning of section 3 was super appreciated, but 2) I'm glad you were open with this (somewhat similar) experience because it makes me feel less ashamed about that part of my past and ergo more likely to move past it
The egg energy in this video is off the fucking charts lmao
ikr
This comment (and comments like these) are ridiculously annoying. Mayyyyyybeeeeee we shouldn’t reduce people’s complicated lives to a series of foreshadowing moments
@@williamevans1708 your comment seems to annoy me far more 🤔
@@williamevans1708 being an egg isnt "foreshadowing". it's an ever-present reality.
@@williamevans1708 i understood fine, buddy.
you dont understand what people mean when they say "egg vibes". it has nothing to do with something that will happen in the future. it isnt foreshadowing. your accusation is nonsense.
I'm curious, Abby, if now that you're transitioning your internal monologue of self-hatred has improved. I know mine did when I found myself. Regardless, thanks for being so open about these sorts of subjects.
~Remy (they/them)
Did she give some form of answer till today, that seems very interesting
Some of these topics were revisited in the "Food" episode...
This is super irrelevant but I just want to say you picked a cool name 👍
@@nickbensema3045 it's interesting, I just came from that video and it seems to go perfectly organically right into this one
Although I am not apart of many, if not any, marginalized group, I am of the lower class and sometimes I experience the internalized oppression in regards to my economic condition due to the rhetoric that tells us all that hard work is rewarded by wealth, and therefore poverty is a sign of laziness or weakness. If I had to deal with other forms of internalized oppression in addition to that I would not likely be able to make it through the day. It is important to support remove all forms of discrimination, including economic, so that the human condition can fulfill itself through our hobbies and interests. This is why I believe that socialism that abolishes all forms of discrimination is a necessary step in the social evolution.
@@Marmuncli The more I think about it the more sense it makes
that’s actually a thing! internalized classism.
Class oppression is the first and foremost of the oppressive hierarchies of our society. The lion's share of the oppression a person experiences is based on their class. Racism is a particularly awful form that receives a lot of (due) attention in discussions of oppression but it's not often properly contextualised into class dynamics, i.e. a black person in the US is subject to a form of oppression that makes it more likely for them to be working poor without opportunity to improve their conditions, but it is BEING working class that contributes most to their poor quality of life. Yes, you're undoubtedly better off as a working white man than as a working woman or a working black man, but that difference is nowhere as big as that between all three of you and a rich person of any race or gender.
Point is, you ARE oppressed. Maybe not as much as some, but pretty fucking bad and you SHOULD be pissed about it.
No war but class war
Yeahhh. My ideal self hates me. For how I look, for things I think, for my social awkwardness and my dyspraxia. Plus any time someone says something nice about me, I become supremely embarrassed because I don't believe i deserve it. It makes me feel like I have conned someone into complimenting me. Finding employment after a long time out of work helped, but it still has its claws in me.
juzt156 I feel you. However when someone compliments me I think of you are being nice or they are somehow not seeing all the bad things about me
Oh lord, don't we all. It's always one thing or the other with that voice. It becomes so disheartening sometimes.
@@availanila We just have to learn to tune it out as best we can I guess
A big revelation for me during my weekly psychotherapy sessions was that the reason my inner critic is never satisfied is that it has non-specific goals. The only thing it wants is "more." Even if I complete a task perfectly that I've been putting off, it will tell me that "I should have done it sooner." This makes it hard to be satisfied with any job well done, and in turn, makes it extra difficult to do what should be simple tasks. It's something I still struggle with, and I wish I could say I found a good way to deal with it, but at least I understand a bit better now why I struggle with things that "should" be easy.
Your video on why the left will win on RUclips should have just been "we've got musical interludes now."
Musical interludes will take over our universe I swear
In some small part you’ve helped a clinically depressed obsessive, who’s let his entire life, and every aspect of it, be dictated and destroyed by internal shame of my overweight body. Thank you x
Part 1 is basically youtube comment sections.
Couldn't agree and laugh more.
lol. how true.
@@shadowbae6280 I try to be as offended as possible.
Dumb comment tbh shut up
j e your fat
"Other people don't really like you, they just pretend to" hit me so hard I gasped. I've been feeling that way since I was a kid. I used to think my best friend who had been around for almost a decade was gonna come up to me someday and say 'gotcha' and reveal they've just been my friend for a laugh this whole time.
I have to say, it is a powerful feeling to tell someone your *preferred* name and pronouns
Gender dysphoria is rough. Hope the self criticism around that has quieted down after your coming out.
It certainly did for me anyways.
When is the Experienced Self vs Mr. Not Good Enough diss track coming out?
oh my gosh please let this happen
YES
We got it now in October 2019! ✨
Epic rap battles of psychology!
Going back to this video after today! I'm so happy for you Abigail!! I always remember your last few words about choosing your own name and it always made me feel so happy and invincible. I don't know if you read old comments or if you read comments at all (understandable for mental health reasons) but I just wanted to say I'm so proud of you for exercising your autonomy again (literally!).
I'm going to out myself as privileged, but I never understood trigger warnings until I heard the first 1.5 minutes of this video and then felt really bad
That wink at the end! So many little things that she left around in her videos that can be interpreted differently in light of her coming out.
Two years later and this video takes on a new context
Naming herself Josephine, you know. Like all cis people do
12:46 aaaa
yesssss
🏳️⚧️
Hi Guys
Just wanted to chime in if anyone's sort of in the middle of some sort of depressive/anxiety driven/severe psychological distress type episode then the phenomenon of critical internal monologues is something I really strongly suggest, as a doctor, (and in the least dismissive way I can and with the utmost respect to Olly and you) that if you have an active mental illness that features this sort of self thought it might be better to be working with a psychologist or qualified clinician to formulate your relationship with this monologue and perhaps not a philosopher on a youtube making a video not necessarily aimed at someone who is not feeling so terrible they actively unable to sleep or eat or concentrate or remember anything because they're having such a terrible time.
Olly (and for that matter philosophy in general) as always discusses this phenomenon fascinatingly and brings a valid and enlightening take to it that I enjoyed immensely.
Having said that it's a philosopher's take that assumes the person listening has a somewhat okay relationship with the monologue, an escalation in critical internal voices in the context of an active depressive episode or most other severe psychological afflications you'd name are really the sort of thing that suggest the need for a pragmatic and treatment orientated lens with an experienced professional. In a therapeutic lens what this video is discussing is referred to (in a CBT model at least...depending on who you talk to...) as the "pathological critic".
The tone of Mr Thorne's argument to my reading says something along the lines of "this is the best aspects of some externalised self...it is overly critical but identifies the sort of ideal person and can be used redemptively" (I'm really sorry if I misunderstood; Olly seems much smarter than I am) and this is arguably the case and makes a great deal of philosophical sense but... if... a person were in an acute phase of intense psychological distress the issue with offering this formulation as a therapeutic tool generally becomes that this critic tends to attempt to operate from a position of moral authority so framing it as something with legitimate authority tends to ingrain it in someone who is vulnerable to it (which if it's keeping someone from getting out of bed...is not...generally helpful.)
Generally what would happen (in CBT at least...maybe...depending on many things...and probably not in like a BPD where the therapy has it's own thing and it's all a bit different and can be a bit harder to do this well) is a psychologist would (depending on the patient's acuity and the kind of things they were saying)... uh ...frame this critic as "unhelpfully critical" in some way.
They might gesture to some thought you had for example there was something in this video to the effect of Ollie's critic (I'm really sorry if I'm spelling your name wrong....and also that I'm repeating this) saying to Ollie:
"You look really fat in this video and your skin is so red; you look like a giant tomato! give up you fruit themed loser!"
and the therapist might (I think reasonably) wonder to you
"if you were to hear some third party give this as feedback on some other person's video would you consider that a helpful criticism?" (I mean...it doesn't sound all that helpful to me).
most would pretty confidently say no that's not a helpful and well framed criticism for someone to give (kind of just unprofessional horrible abuse actually), generally (maybe with a little prompt) people would decide that person is a jerk and their advice should not be sought or listened to if it's pro-offered.
The question you'd sort of leave the client/patient/person(/whatever you think we should call them) to stew on a bit would be something like
"well if that other moron's advice is unhelpful and shouldn't be listened to.... why are you listening to it from this internal entity?".
Maybe some people might argue that after someone is like... sleeping... and eating... okay... (and otherwise not like neurovegitatively impaired) generally feeling a bit better you might formulate it a bit more but... the issue with this entity is it... doesn't give very useful advice... it kind of ultimately wants you to stay in your room and never go outside (then it mocks you for staying in your room and never going outside)... maybe one can kind of glean from the sorts of thing it unhelpfully screams at you about what perhaps you should be aiming toward but I'd suggest there may be gentler paths to the same... and it's generally helpful to deny it any moral authority... imagining it as like donald duck or I dunno some other stupid character something along those lines.
... I guess the point is if you are in some form of severe and unremitting psychological distress (first off good job for being able to concentrate this far into like the longest and most difficult comment ever) and you have some critical internal monologue that's distressing I would really suggest trying to understand in a therapeutic setting it with the help of a medical or psychological professional. Also particularly if you actually physically hear the voice as though someone you can't see is talking to you then a medical doctor is likely a good person to speak with... somewhat urgently.
Um and without trying to be unkindly critical to Olly (indeed I'll attempt very kindly and gently) I would very gently wonder if it's worth considering perhaps if you make more videos that intersects heavily with psychological phenomenology that characterises some or other severe mental illness (and I think you definitely should!) there might be a really good thing to in addition to the invaluable take of a philosopher have the input of some or other form of mental health professional in the scripting process?
This is a very fair cop, thank you.
Brilliant comment.
👏👏👏👏 thanks doc. Hard agree.
This video really helped me understand the internalized transphobia I personally experience despite everyone saying I pass and am attractive. I honestly started to cry when you brought up Tiffany Tumbles, that was far too real.
Reminds me of an awesome Idles lyric: "If someone said to you / What you do to you / I'd kick his teeth through / Love yourself"
Oh boy editing a video of yourself is uncomfortable. The sort of split you discuss is made very visceral when you're literally staring at your own face and I definitely understand what you mean when you talk of your difficulty in even revealing more of your body in the frame. I still replay conversations in my head that I had a decade ago trying to figure out what I should have said because I've also been pretty well acquainted to Mr. Not-good-enough for a while.
Great video as always.
and now she’s a woman, so…
Ollie, mate, it's 4:30am I'm crying while bagging recyclables in my kitchen. You've done it again; I've never heard someone talk about this in a way that just...really hits home. And brings hope. Thank you so much.
Its not entirely related to the video, but I love the little speech about the sea and the sun. I love to listen to people describing their moments of like, peace and realisation in places they dont expect. I love listening to you, and i can only hope to be lucky enough to meet people like you in my future 😊
this video hits different after you came out
7:47 ✨Double consciousness. that's it. I can't believe it! This definition sums up perfectly what I've been struggling with my entire life and couldn't find the words to accurately describe . This condition is super exausing on its own , let alone trying to make sense of it when even my therapist couldn't identify it .. and now that I've found that it has a label and it's something that other people go through too I can finally FINALLY start exploring it and hopefully work on improving my symptoms. I love this channel ❣️
This dude teaches me more actual shit in one video than Jordan Peterson has ever actually taught
OneStorey Damn right
@Richard Fox it was too high for someone
@Richard Fox Why does this content make you aggregated?
I recently talked to a Marxist about Money, and I thought that that'd be an awesome video Idea fitting your Channel. Very simplified it says, that the purpose of money is the objectification of human relationships. Usually you would need to kindly ask hundreds of people for their labour and help just to create that one snickers you ate, but through money you can see all of that just as a thing, skip all of the human interaction and do not have to think a bout the conditions under which people created what you just ate. Only this anonymity makes capitalism work in the first place, I bet most people wouldn't personally force children to sew their clothes.
But that's not the purpose of money. You literally can't have trading without money. Seems to me that marxists forget about that when they demonise money.
@@tomislav5689 there was commodity for commodity trading long before money so that's not true
@@liveinthequestions7148 Not true for a stone age, but for a civilization with milions of people and hundrends of thousants of different jobs and resources, it is true. Would everything be fine if someone just eliminate electricity from the world?
@@tomislav5689 Instead of eliminating electricity all at once, you create a system that does not require electricity.
@@atwcat9370 That's a terrible analogy, electricity is utterly essential to modern society, money isn't
As a trans kid the bit about naming yourself hit me hard. I recently changed my name, for a variety of reasons mostly trauma related. But there's something so empowering and happy about being called the name I picked. I chose this name for myself and having that desire to be called something that best reflects that ideal me I will spend the rest of my life chasing validated? It's a solid step that brings me closer to the unattainable
I feel like Abby has given us all a timeless friend. I hope she knows how very loved she is, in all her forms ❤️
Abby: chooses Josephine as a middle name when she had to change hers to be an actress
Abby: yep. I'm definitely a manly men. Very masculine. Maaaaaale. 😂😂😂
I absolutely love watching her older videos and seeing glimpses of today in them
Don't even know what to say. This is a brilliant video. I'm probably gonna watch it again. I will say it is one of three RUclips videos that have managed to make me cry. What a beautiful description of a sunset! I felt like I was there.
Thats very close to «the world as will and representation» by Schopenhauer. Our desires can never be totally fulfilled, but we can temporarily get rid of the feeling that something is missing, when we are lost in contemplation
I appreciate you making this video. Ever since I was younger, I’ve felt very depressed about the world around me and I always wanted everything I did to be perfect. I blamed everything bad that happened on myself and I think this put me in an even more depressed state, since I always was so scared of failure. I still struggle with blaming everything on myself, but I’m trying to do it less. I always knew I was too harsh on myself and had bad self confidence, but I’m not sure why I never did something about it. I’m only 17 years old, but I feel like my bad thoughts have prevented me from things I want to do, such as having fun with friends, exploring new things and being happy in general.
A while ago, I became more depressed and shut down, so my mom helped me get in contact with a therapist. I’ve had quite bad experiences with therapists before, but even though I didn’t like being there very much, it did make me want to improve myself. Today I watched a couple of youtube videos and eventually ran into this. I think what you talked about was more relevant than anything else and I wish you the best 👍
Hi! I blame myself for everything too, and I never feel like I actually deserve to be happy and I think those are correlated. Little tip: Write down the things you feel guilty about, and do it often, and for every unreasonable guilt you feel, refute it with a logical argument because most of the times we know how illogical these feelings of guilt are but that doesn't mean it reaches our hearts. Writing it down really helps engrain it. It helps me a lot, and keep going to therapy too.
Thank you, Abigail. I really needed this.
I resonate a lot with the experience of being happy even when your body doesn't match your ideal. The time that I was the skinniest in my lifetime was when I was depressed, not eating, and exercising as a self punishment. I looked good in skinny jeans! But my mind was fucked. Now, I've gained a little bit of weight and am wearing a bigger size jeans than then, but I'm mentally stable, eat well, and sleep well.
Literally moved to tears when you spoke about the autonomy of self-naming and saying your real name or what you tell people literally brought tears to my eyes it was beautiful thank you for sharing
I once heard (I think it was an episode of This American Life?) about a guy who struggled with anxiety who wrote some sort of script that would send him texts from time to time saying things that his anxiety would tell him. Apparently hearing it from an external source rather than an internal voice made it glaringly apparent how obviously ridiculous and wrong those types of thoughts are.
I'm going to try this, thank you!
The way you described the sunset and the “ocean of Autumn” was beautiful. Thank you for another insightful video ✨
Wow it is so weird watching theses old videos love your videos Abigail ❤️❤️💛💛🧡🧡
hey dude, what really helped me with my inner critiques was the realization that behind every self loathing is a frightened child part of myself, that got humiliated or hurt in the past and tries to protect us via that wave of negativity.
whenever I get that bullshit, I am asking myself "what am I afraid of now?" and when I allow myself to see that scared child inside me, I can embrace my vulnerability and help myself.
I'm not from the UK and my mom calls the voice inside my head my "british nanny".
It was fun to watch a video about this subject in your very charming accent.
Omg! Art and nature as temporary refuge from our constantly anxious internal ego is a conclusion that I thought I was the only one to feel. I am so glad you articulated it so well!
This is my first video I've seen on this channel (coming from Contra) and so I've never seen Olly before. At the beginning when he was being overly critical and experiencing negative self-talk, all I was doing was listening to all the things he was saying and thinking almost, if not, the complete opposite. It's funny how you can see aspects of yourself as entirely negative while others can see it in a completely different, positive light.
Jesus Christ he's attractive, intelligent, and has a beautiful voice. But just like everyone else (at least the vast majority), he has an ideal self that isn't where he is right now. I don't know if anyone really becomes their ideal self because it's one of those things where once you get close, you just keep pushing your expectations further.
After a whole day of constant self hatred, where my head has been constantly saying that I'm wasting my life away and no one wants to have to deal with me, this was exactly the video I needed.
Your story about the sea was absolutely entrancing and it honestly made me feel so much better about myself. I may be stuck in a rut at the moment, but I don't have to listen to the voice that seemes to really have it in for me today.
Thank you so much Olly! :)
That bit at the end about your real name reminded me of when I converted to Islam and picked my islamic name from the historic figure whose history and philosophy inspired me to know more about Islam, Ali ibn Abu Talib. Ever since then, I reffer to myself mostly (and so do my friends) as Rodrigo Ali Villarino or just Rodrigo Ali. Also, my closest friends call me Koi after Koichi Hirose, my favorite character from Jojo's, to whom, according to them, am really similar.
Also, my inner voice sounded like a pedantic elitist version myself when I was little but changed to that of my ex wife a few years ago and realised a couple of months ago (a year after our divorce) that she did plant a lot of the meaner things it says to me on my mind... working through it ever since I came to the realization.
Thank you so much for posting this : )
I’m in recovery from an eating disorder. I went into treatment in 2012 after years of losing against the voice I called ‘The Monster’. Though it was cruel and convinced me to do terrible things to myself, I felt a kinship with it.
Now I know how to keep The Monster from controlling me. It came to me to soothe a different kind of pain, and for that I could never hate it. But I hold The Monster’s leash, not the other way around.
I’m learning to appreciate my body for what it is instead of wishing is were something it isn’t. It’s a daily process.
It makes me sad to hear the way Mr.NotGoodEnough talks to you. I’m glad you’re able to find things to ease him.
Sending strength and good vibes from across the pond! Isn’t the internet rad?
Your remarks about art helping us silence the 'little voice' are very interesting to me. Because, I often find myself *confronted* with the 'voice' when I read poetry or listen to music. I think that to feel this kind of 'euphoria', we need to see our actual selves reflected in the art, rather than our ideal selves, which can happen. And I think the same thing goes for social interactions: if we see our actual selves reflected in the other, we feel valued, we feel *seen* , recognised, 'good enough as we are'. But if we can only see our ideal self in the other, then we feel inadequate, lesser than, and 'not good enough'. And this can be a real problem, because we *need* the first kind of recognition, but the second type of interaction can prevent us from finding it, or discourage us from seeking it out. I'm curious if there is a remedy here; I myself don't know the solution...
And now that this part is buried: the part about names, and answering 'what's your real name' with your chosen name very much resonates with me, as a trans person. It's also a lot of fun when people tell you it's a nice name, because you can say 'thanks, I chose it myself'.
I've become a lot kinder over the course of my life. Therapy and age has dulled out the voice. It's nice.
Someone might have commented this already, but in psychology, there is a therapy called Emotion Focused therapy that is based partly on having a person's critical self and experienced self talk to and try understand each other. I just find it interesting how philosophy is at the root of some of (or a lot of) our science.
Watching your videos is like watching a theatre. I always want to stand up and clap at the end. Your points are so well made and put in interesting way they are amusing. It's like eating a very well made meal that you can't help but nod your head while eating it.
Love yourself! Not a leftist yet but I wouldn't mind walking with people who're as good and kind as you are.
I like this guys name
Inuvik JOIN US
Thought I'd ask now after 2 years where you stand. Regardless, we'll keep a spot at the table for you, when you're ready. We'll keep the kettle on, comrade ;p
@@andrewgould6689 i did become a leftist for a while lol. But now i wouldn't wish central planning on India rn. The state is notoriously corrupt and previous attempts at slight socialism haven't been very good. No Indian party opposes welfare and I think there are ways to get by without focusing on the material too much. The hindutva movement could synthesise socialism with spirituality but unfortunately too many of them want to off any m*slim they encounter. Maybe someday tho.
@@aagantuk7370 Don't mistake social democracy with socialism, friend! Capitalists have made an effort to frame socialism as just parliamentary democracy with a bigger bureaucracy and more interventionism, or as centrally-planned state capitalism, but that's not the goal for most leftists. To hell with central planning and corrupt bureaucrats, socialism is stateless and classless, abolish the state and let all of society be led directly by elected bodies of those of us who build it!
And socialism isn't incompatible with spirituality at all. I'm quite spiritual myself, and marxist analysis may be very materialist but that's only because it was made to describe material realities. There's no reason why socialism and spirituality can't be integrated, and i rather believe they should be. Change will only come from the people themselves, friend, you're right to distrust the politicians.
I was depressed for so many years that my ideal self just became a basic functional human. As I've recovered it's been interesting because my ideal self is just starting to adapt and raise the bar. But for a while I actually lived up to the ideal self and that was WILD.
OOF just realized the bar is raising in the direction of internalized ableism.
This video is so trans it's killing me 💗💗
Love you Abi!!! So proud of you!!!
no kidding
OMG IKR I'VE LITEREALLY BEEN DYING WATCHING THIS LIKE AHHAH
13:29 hearing this now with abby being abby is awesome
TW: Eating disorder
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I was the happiest when I was unhealthy as well. That feeling in my stomach when I was hungry and following every pound I had lost gave me more happiness than anything when it comes to my body. I have accepted the fact that I will never have my ideal body but I still can't stop but miss walking around hungry and talk about how little I ate that day with a huge smile on my face. I am at my heaviest and I really don't know what to do
God damn. This video made me break down sobbing. It just tore through me. I'm really glad I saw this.
Really interesting watching this after "Queer", especially cause of the reappearance of Mr. Not-good-enough
You think THAT's something... :-)
Now that I realize this I literally can’t imagine myself healed. I can’t imagine anything I can do to fix this. Affirmation from outside is needed but that is unrealistic. I can talk myself into doing almost anything ON MY OWN. If the goal has anything to do with someone else caring, supporting or committing to me I don’t go for it or I look for opportunities to work with someone temporarily and then move on. I realize now that that is about being fearful that people will soon see me fully, soon get to know me fully and then they will reject me. I have no idea how I will EVER escape this. EVER!
Can't stop smiling for Abi after this.
This video must have been really difficult to make. I never want to share with anyone the ugly thoughts I have in my head. So I really appreciate you coming out to make this video.
I would love to have a revisit of this topic by Abigail today
If I may just slide into the comments six months late and talk about something that is somewhat unrelated; I have to say I just really love the part where Oliver talks about why beauty is so important! He really eloquently summed up what I strive to do in my paintings, that is to create an opportunity for the viewer to be calm. It feels really nice to have that aspect of art praised because there has been a trend of looking down on art that is created to be 'pretty'. That it's mindless, pointless, just hotel art. But beauty is important, tranquility is a necessity. Art that creates a moment where someone can experience that is important. I mean really, just thank you for validating that.!
I'm here from the future saying hello to Abi.
I think part of the inner voice that’s so painful is the deep shame it insets as well. Knowing you will never be your ideal is a hard pill to swallow, but when you finally do i think it’s easier to find happiness
Aw I loved this video Especially the joy you expressed when you told the story about going to see sharks, not only was the video very well done but it made feel good just listening to it. 😄
I just discovered you today and I have to tell you, this video in particular has made a profound impact on me.
My depression has been getting worse for several months and trying to find the right combination of medication and therapy has been a discouraging journey to say the least. Yesterday my therapist told me that I should probably commit myself to a hospital before I hurt myself because she is THAT worried about me. Of course, I work 40 hours a week and its the busiest time of year for my job so I can't leave. I have to continue this fight on my own....but I'm not alone. I have the internal monologue to try to bring me down, but I also have you! And Natalie! And Dan! And Lindsay! And everyone else on RUclips to give me parasocial relationships that I use to help get through my day.
Your struggle with your own personal demons really touched me and resonated with me. You are right that sometimes the voice inside your head tells you terrible lies. For instance, I know you were making comments about how you look but I find you INCREDIBLY attractive. You are a freaking catch and any man/woman/human would be blessed to be with you. I have to, as well, remember that about myself. Its easier to give encouraging comments to others, like the way you pose and the way you smile and the way you phrase things are a joy for me to watch. Crap, I may have fallen in love with you I'm sorry. My point is, thank you for reminding me that I'm not the only one dealing with the voice. I can manage how I handle listening to the voice. And I can learn to react to the voice better. Thank you for making this video. You are a gift to this world.
At least for me, as a trans person, I did something similar when I found my "new" name. Trying to imagine an ideal self and name that instead of naming me. Idk what it means but I think it's interesting. I think it makes that idealised self feel a little bit closer.
thank you for talking about your body image issues. i have been experiencing the exact same thing. it’s so difficult to feel like have to chose between a healthy body and one i am happy with. keep it up with the videos. i always look forward to them
14:05 Olly and his ideal self sing together
ogogo ogpgpg @CorgiallyYours on Twitter
It's really nice to hear someone else talk about the power of naming yourself from someone outside the trans community, where it's so common. I've heard being talk about the power of naming yourself before, Self Actualization, a name being a promise to yourself, a line in the sand or a message that states your intentions to others, but there's something really special about hearing your take, and the very personal grasp on it. I've been asked enough times to have lost count "Well did you have to pick such a different name? Why can't you jsut be yourself and let us still call you [deadname]? Why do you have to be difficult?" So to hear someone outside of the very specific demographic of trans people discover the actual power of giving yourself your own name, a name that means something significant to you, it is really... I'm not sure how to describe it but to say that it's impactful, and it gives me hope that people around me have the chance, however slim, to actually understand this depth of meaning that I cannot properly convey.
sorry to get all weird, I jsut thought that I should say something since that part of hte video got to me in a way I was not expecting.
I really needed this today. Thanks!
This was incredible, Olly! Thank you for sharing your experience so openly and eloquently. The connection between the idea of the persistence of the “should” feeling and ethics/morality is fascinating. This will keep me thinking about it for a long time, especially as it concerns reconciling each individual’s “ideal(s)” with possible shared ethical/moral standards. I also love your comments about beauty- I agree completely :)
Pro tip: if you ever feel that you’re bad at aiming in video games, pretend the enemies you’re killing are versions of you, and then you’ll automatically get better :)
I’m happy she’s left these older videos up
Based on Olly's newest video, I'm guessing this must have been the first video he filmed following the end of his abusive relationship. Fitting note to start his revamped channel on, I think.
I'm still quite young so while I knew everyone actually experienced this, I could never really wrap my head around it. But this video gave me that thing where you're looking at people and realise that every single person you see has a life and mind as deep and complex as yours, but the feeling was a billion times worse because it wasn't just "whoa these people have lives i can't even begin to imagine" but the realisation that so many other people do in fact judge themselves as harshly as i judge myself. I'm quite angry at you at the moment because i wasn't planning on having an existential crisis the day before going back to school but also thank you for this because i think you finally drilled it into my brain. Found your channel quite recently and I already love what yo do. Keep up the good work!
I hear these voices all the time especially at night, about me not being good enough
Or that I'm not good enough and that I'm worthless. Also that I should give up and let go.
Suicidal thoughts, I don't want to die I just want relief.
I read an article by a psychologist on Psychology Today that split the "self" into three parts: the actual self, the ideal self, and the true self. The actual self is who you are based on your real thoughts and actions, the ideal self is what you wish to be and/or seek to become, and the true self is the source of original thought unfiltered and untainted by others or your own impulses.
I apply this understanding to my own philosophy, in which the true self is the ideal self. Striving to be who you truly are is the most beneficial aim to have, and it turns this inner voice into a useful instructor rather than a berating bully. It mitigates the negative aspects of the inner voice while utilizing the positive.