Mr. Alexis, I appreciate all your videos, your approach, etc. And I have no doubt that you have a very good understanding of avoidant behavior. What I don’t understand is how a functioning, capable adult could be driven, controlled by their fears. They behave the way they do out of fear and because they don’t want to feel controlled or trapped….how in the world do they not realize that they are being controlled by their own fears?! So backwards. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel terrible that my ex has this internal battle. I wish she knew about her attachment style. But I guess someday she will figure it out. So sad….Anyway, thank you Mr. Alexis for these videos. I am learning a lot!!!
the easiest way to understand the avoidant is to remember one of your fears, something you're afraid of, or something you didn't do because of fear... do you believe in PTSD... that's it... My avoidant "partner" told me at the beginning that he was slow, that he thought a lot, that it would be very difficult for me to be with him, but he didn't know the details to explain to me , even though he is highly intelligent... these are unconscious mechanisms, a game of hide and seek from feelings... although no contact periods last 1-3 days for us. He is aware that he is emotionally unavailable at that time... But it was soooo dificult to me at beginning... now I understand this, it is still hard, but I menage
I’m so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex love is back after he left me and our kids for another woman.I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back
I gave my avoidant space after the first time she shut down emotionally, I dumped her sorry arse, she can have the rest of her miserable life. I have zero tolerance for emotional unavailability. After many seemingly perfect months together she had to sabotage the relationship, she had to destroy if for no reason other than her own fears. I’m here to figure out how to avoid the avoidant in future.
I’m so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex love is back after he left me and our kids for another woman.I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back
Mine disappeared for 24 hours after the first date, it's been 7 months, it disappears for 1 or 2 days, I let it go and when it comes back everything is the same as before...
Something Interesting happend yesterday, after the whole breakup and few months of no contact then meeting with friends then no contact, we met just us 2, had a good conversation and felt natural, nothing popped out of that meet plus both of us were busy, lately she and a friends group decided to go camping this weekend but she cancels last minute, if this was me few months ago I'd get mad but I noticed I didnt, I felt dissapointed at her for once, didn't say anything I'd regret and just went back and had my birthday yesterday. And for the first time I didn't need that emotional someone with me to enjoy my birthday.
What about our saftey! They make no effort to make us feel safe. It's one sided. They destroy the relationship and we still have to tread carefully. I tried but it is exhausting 😢
Im a little bit confused about the phase of reaching out. How and when to discuss the topic of avoidant attachment style with the partner? Discussion about future was the main reason I’m watching this video 😅
how do you deal with the intense anger and resentment towards the avoidant for treating you the way they did , with cruelty and selfishness rather than with regret?
depends why are you angry? at first I didn't know why he sometimes doesn't reply to a message for one whole day... I thought he was texting 10 other girls... I was emotionally tortured then... now that I know he's an avoidant and that one girl is too much for him, there's no anger now, I'm just building patience... if the avoidant is honest, there's no room for anger...
Why would he say “any man that would pass you up is an idiot”? And then say it was just a compliment what he really meant was anyone but him. So when I questioned him he got triggered and I broke up with him. Did that mean he really liked me or did he mean he wanted to break up with me? He also said he was sorry he couldn’t give me what I wanted.
What does it mean when an ex da blocks you but makes fake accounts to look at your social media and talk to you? He broke up with me 7 months ago,blocked me on everything but every month I have a fake account adding me and messaging me
It's meangless unless they face you properly and grow up! How can you build a relationship with someone who is unwilling to be direct, open and honest?
If you got a closure letter from an avoidant it means they care. It also means they reflected on the relationship, which means they care a lot, either about you and or understanding their patterns. If the tone was loving and respectful then they’ll still hold affection, if not love(if you genuinely had a good, connected relationship). Without knowing your story, just give it time, go no contact for another month or so, but check in few times, in 2 or 3 weeks time ask if he’a seen something you’re missing, like a necklace, and test the waters. I did this with my DA ex after no initiation from her and I could tell she was happy to hear from me, so I organised a meet up and I could see attraction had returned. So just play it cool, he reached out even if it’s a closure letter - take some of his points and work on them, heal and grow then come back.
I write to him, keeping it light and humorous , no response. i ask for a valuable watch I gave him back because he said I. gave him gifts that were manipulative and strategically differcult to return and he writes a nice letter and returns the watch .And yet in his letter he is cryptic and does engage personally . Write him several times in the ensuing months but receive no reply .Finally I ask him to meet for a fun dinner and he response, I respectfully decline ,safe travels then nothing Reluctantly I send all his pictures and small gifts back . no response .It has been 4 weeks nothing . Is this my answer or his he testing the waters to see if its safe and for how long. i still love him but Wonder if he even cares anymore....
Honestly you need to leave him alone and be in No Contact and work on your life. Give him the opportunity to lose you completely. If he comes back then you need to be sure you really want this because once you work on yourself things look different. It is hard but it is the best and only way. Pursuing him and trying to guess his actions and motives is a dead end. Pour that attention into yourself for a while it will be the best solution.
I’m so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex love is back after he left me and our kids for another woman.I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back
Hardest part about watching videos like this is the harsh realization that I was an avoidant.
Mr. Alexis, I appreciate all your videos, your approach, etc. And I have no doubt that you have a very good understanding of avoidant behavior. What I don’t understand is how a functioning, capable adult could be driven, controlled by their fears. They behave the way they do out of fear and because they don’t want to feel controlled or trapped….how in the world do they not realize that they are being controlled by their own fears?! So backwards. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel terrible that my ex has this internal battle. I wish she knew about her attachment style. But I guess someday she will figure it out. So sad….Anyway, thank you Mr. Alexis for these videos. I am learning a lot!!!
100,% true.
the easiest way to understand the avoidant is to remember one of your fears, something you're afraid of, or something you didn't do because of fear...
do you believe in PTSD... that's it... My avoidant "partner" told me at the beginning that he was slow, that he thought a lot, that it would be very difficult for me to be with him, but he didn't know the details to explain to me , even though he is highly intelligent... these are unconscious mechanisms, a game of hide and seek from feelings... although no contact periods last 1-3 days for us. He is aware that he is emotionally unavailable at that time... But it was soooo dificult to me at beginning... now I understand this, it is still hard, but I menage
I’m so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex love is back after he left me and our kids for another woman.I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back
I gave my avoidant space after the first time she shut down emotionally, I dumped her sorry arse, she can have the rest of her miserable life. I have zero tolerance for emotional unavailability. After many seemingly perfect months together she had to sabotage the relationship, she had to destroy if for no reason other than her own fears. I’m here to figure out how to avoid the avoidant in future.
I’m so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex love is back after he left me and our kids for another woman.I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back
*@✛2349056807499👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾🔥🔥🪴🪴❄️❄️🔮香港的*决定*令人高兴。
On what's App👍
Mine disappeared for 24 hours after the first date, it's been 7 months, it disappears for 1 or 2 days, I let it go and when it comes back everything is the same as before...
@ ….”it”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Something Interesting happend yesterday, after the whole breakup and few months of no contact then meeting with friends then no contact, we met just us 2, had a good conversation and felt natural, nothing popped out of that meet plus both of us were busy, lately she and a friends group decided to go camping this weekend but she cancels last minute, if this was me few months ago I'd get mad but I noticed I didnt, I felt dissapointed at her for once, didn't say anything I'd regret and just went back and had my birthday yesterday.
And for the first time I didn't need that emotional someone with me to enjoy my birthday.
What about our saftey! They make no effort to make us feel safe. It's one sided. They destroy the relationship and we still have to tread carefully. I tried but it is exhausting 😢
Im a little bit confused about the phase of reaching out. How and when to discuss the topic of avoidant attachment style with the partner? Discussion about future was the main reason I’m watching this video 😅
how do you deal with the intense anger and resentment towards the avoidant for treating you the way they did , with cruelty and selfishness rather than with regret?
depends why are you angry? at first I didn't know why he sometimes doesn't reply to a message for one whole day... I thought he was texting 10 other girls... I was emotionally tortured then... now that I know he's an avoidant and that one girl is too much for him, there's no anger now, I'm just building patience... if the avoidant is honest, there's no room for anger...
How do you get an avoidant to see their approach is not normal?
Because what is normal depends on your perspective. Normal is subjective, that is, my normal may not be your normal. The avoidant approach is normal.
Why would he say “any man that would pass you up is an idiot”? And then say it was just a compliment what he really meant was anyone but him. So when I questioned him he got triggered and I broke up with him. Did that mean he really liked me or did he mean he wanted to break up with me? He also said he was sorry he couldn’t give me what I wanted.
Feels like youre talking about fearful avoidants here
I think it’s both.
What does it mean when an ex da blocks you but makes fake accounts to look at your social media and talk to you? He broke up with me 7 months ago,blocked me on everything but every month I have a fake account adding me and messaging me
She wants to reconnect with you😅😅
It's meangless unless they face you properly and grow up! How can you build a relationship with someone who is unwilling to be direct, open and honest?
a month after the breakup, my ex sent me a closure letter. does that mean it's over or are there still chances for reconciliation? 😢
i didnt reply him
Feel lucky you got closure
@@therealkeinemoniker no, its feel like the end🥲
If you got a closure letter from an avoidant it means they care. It also means they reflected on the relationship, which means they care a lot, either about you and or understanding their patterns.
If the tone was loving and respectful then they’ll still hold affection, if not love(if you genuinely had a good, connected relationship). Without knowing your story, just give it time, go no contact for another month or so, but check in few times, in 2 or 3 weeks time ask if he’a seen something you’re missing, like a necklace, and test the waters. I did this with my DA ex after no initiation from her and I could tell she was happy to hear from me, so I organised a meet up and I could see attraction had returned. So just play it cool, he reached out even if it’s a closure letter - take some of his points and work on them, heal and grow then come back.
I write to him, keeping it light and humorous , no response. i ask for a valuable watch I gave him back because he said I. gave him gifts that were manipulative and strategically differcult to return and he writes a nice letter and returns the watch .And yet in his letter he is cryptic and does engage personally . Write him several times in the ensuing months but receive no reply .Finally I ask him to meet for a fun dinner and he response, I respectfully decline ,safe travels then nothing Reluctantly I send all his pictures and small gifts back . no response .It has been 4 weeks nothing . Is this my answer or his he testing the waters to see if its safe and for how long. i still love him but Wonder if he even cares anymore....
Honestly you need to leave him alone and be in No Contact and work on your life. Give him the opportunity to lose you completely. If he comes back then you need to be sure you really want this because once you work on yourself things look different. It is hard but it is the best and only way. Pursuing him and trying to guess his actions and motives is a dead end. Pour that attention into yourself for a while it will be the best solution.
I’m so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex love is back after he left me and our kids for another woman.I was so happy to me how he help many people to bring there lover back