Unlike a relationship, the weird thing about a friendship that ends is there is no tangible point in which the friendship officially ended. It just slowly and slowly tapers off, leaving you wondering why things are going the way they are, and even making you feel depressed, second guessing yourself ("should I reach out?" "what is my role here, I don't know how to _fix_ this, "etc). It's not like two friends will officially talk to each other and call it quits, like in a relationship. It's more like a slow burn, except, I guess it's more like a slow freeze....the closeness you once felt becomes colder and colder.
I think it depends on the people in the friendship in how it ends, but for the most part you described the most common situation pretty well. In my ended friendship with my best friend, we had several conversations about what we were feeling and what we’d do after I went to college, how to rebuild trust in the friendship, etc. We met up again in winter break to rediscuss things and I ended it a few months later based on how we adjusted. So we did have an official end, but I guess it depends on the dynamics of the friends involved and communication styles. But yeah, most friendships just taper off which can be hard with that lack of closure
Yes and because of that there can be so many misunderstandings! I feel like my BF broke up and started to distance myself. Turns out she didn't really wanna break up... It was so messy... :(
@@liahlow1435 Oh you thought your best friend was trying not to be friends with you anymore, and so you read that, and started to distance yourself, but misread the situation? That sucks, have you tried to reach back out?
had a friendship break up with someone 20 months ago or so, it still hurts so much. It's worse knowing it's your fault and fully understanding that it was your own actions (or inaction in my case) that caused it to fail. they were my best friend, pushed me forward, cared about me, made me laugh, everything. I haven't found anyone like her since, and it sucks knowing that something so little could have solved everything.
I know the feeling. I lost a friend because of something I said not knowing it would offend her. I hate myself because of it and I punish myself physically and psychologically everyday.
I found it helpful to recognize the role this friend has served and the need they fulfilled in our life. Once you recognize it, you will also recognize that you have other friends or have developed your own skills that can satisfy this need without having to have this friend.
Just talked to my therapist today about grieving the loss of my old friend group. Such a hard thing to deal with, but my new friends reminded me “Why are you missing those who don’t miss you?”
I've started to build boundaries between my best friend/ex. It was obvious that it was unhealthy, especially my end. I grew resentment and negative thoughts to the point I couldn't handle it. Take care of yourselves ppl
Being friend dumped for someone “cooler” is something we all tend to think of as something we experience as kids, but it still happens and hurts as an adult. Social climbers and users are the worst kind of people.
But how do I know if this is happening… my best friend has a new friendgroup now and she seems reallyyyy happy. But unfortunately I seem to be non-important to her now. Just like that. Haven’t had a good talk since my birthday (October, like 3 months ago). She just doesn’t show interest in me anymore. My other friend says he always thought she was kinda using me. I don’t know tho. We were closest when she was most alone, that is true. Maybe she did use me
A few times in my life a "friend" has dropped me, without an explanation. Both came back with a phone call a year later, saying "I was just wondering how are you?" I didn't answer, but I wanted to ask why. Finally, I realized it didn't really matter. If they truly cared for me, they would not have just disappeared without explanation. I realized I am fine without them and I feel THEY are the ones who really lost out because I am a really nice, dependable person who would have made a difference in their lives. I'm better off without them--who needs a disloyal, faithless friend?
I do prefer to find out what happened; I had a friend who had to hide bc her ex was violent. I had a head injury and had bullying from multiple social connections all at once, only two people asked how I was 🤷🏽♂️
I agree. the slow ghosting or the dramatic "don't contact me" is about THEM, THEIR MENTAL STATE/HEALTH, AND THEIR VALUES. I'm a great friend. If u want to move on, I won't beg for u to be close..Life and let live..
thank you for this video. A few years ago I had a 22yr friendship end (she just got more manipulative and abusive and I had to leave). Unlike a romantic breakup I found I didn't have the same resources to get through it. When I talked to people about it I found I didn't get the same kind of sympathy or attentiveness as I did when my boyfriend broke up with me. It felt surreal. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and everyone understood that pain. I was friends with that other person for over two decades and all anyone could say was "oh that sucks." I felt like I had to go through the whole thing by myself which was isolating on top of already cutting out someone who was a big part of my life.
I understand totally! My BF and I had a 26 year friendship. We thought of each other as sisters! This not seeing her anymore has been so hard on me. I feel you pain.
Same! I feel your pain mine happened mid august. It and kills me because I feel like I can’t do anything to fix it. But I guess we just gotta let it go and grieve the loss. I feel for you!
@@pinky1068 Me too and the ones I have had has betrayed me or talked behind my back. I don't have high critera when it comes to friends, but it would be nice to be with someone you trust and have fun with. It's been a long time. Sorry that you are going through it too. :/
Thank you for clarifying that unfollowing people isn't always petty; sometime's it's exactly what we need. We don't need to consume reminders of how happy our friends are without us, it will just hurt. I wish that was more normalized, it's not even personal! It's healing :)
I'm questioning a lot of my friendships at the moment. I'm not sure if we've grown apart, I've not communicated my needs well enough or I'm just disconnecting and pulling away from people. All feels quite confusing.
@vicki platford. I'm doing the same thing! I just turned 65 I am a recent cancer survivor and now I'm questioning my relationships. It's like I feel like I need new ones because I'm so different now. Weird.
This video has been helpful - from an "after" perspective. Please create a video on the "before" perspective. eg deciding that it is time to end a friendship & how to do that (rather than ghost the person.) Thank you!
I’ve been ghosting because I really don’t know what to say to my friend. I’m avoiding the conflict and further disappointment. I want to reach out and tell her why I’ve been ghosting her but I can’t bring myself to do it. She keeps perusing me and the harder she does the more I feel pressure to address things so I hide.
I like how you explain to lean into other friendships. I do have a tendency to isolate when I lose a friend and feel like I don't deserve my other friends.
In the past I found when a friend didnt want to hang out with me anymore i use to think that i must be horrible to be around and it made me feel so alone and insecure. Now when I look back apart from perhaps one of those friendships. They never wanted to be around me because they were shallow and even more needy than I was because they chose other people over me because i did not live up to their expectations of looks or money they wanted to be with others who they thought would fulfill them more than me. But i do believe in time they realized their values of self and others were all screwed up.
I didn't lose just one friendship, I lost practically all of them at once. I lost one friend and the rest followed. All the friends I have are connected to this one person and they all sided with them instead of me. I've been abandoned like this before and I don't know how to handle it happening again. What hurts the most is knowing that these people who I cherished so deeply are inevitably going to talk shit about me and laugh about it. These people I once felt so safe and at ease with will talk about me like I shouldn't have in the first place. I loved these people and treated them like family. They were the catalyst to so much of my personal growth and I felt so free with them. And now I'm a mistake to them. I thought I was loved and I wasn't. In the back of my head I always feared this happening but I thought I found myself among people who genuinely cared about me and I told myself for years I could trust them. I don't think I can trust anyone anymore.
blocking, unfriending or unfollowing on social media has been one of the best and most empowering things for me. You can absolutely block anyone abusive or aggressive, you can absolutely unfriend anyone or unfollow if you want to keep contact but not see their bullshit posts. I found mindfulness really helpful in making these choices, is seeing these posts helping me live my value driven life, or is it triggering/upsetting/infuriating/distracting? I've even unfriended or unfollowed people I was unhealthily obsessed with, I didn't want to think about them all the time anymore, and I don't have to
I broke up with my best friend, who has been toxic for years. He’s bigoted and we just don’t have anything in common. I just stayed friends with him because I didn’t know that friends can break up like romantic relationships. I thought friends were forever. It really messed with my morals and mental health. I blocked him on social media and took a deep breath. I grieved this loss long ago. Unfortunately we have mutual friends/family, so I’ll probably still see him often. I will pretty much ignore him as much as possible, but be civil if we run into each other. NO MORE DRAMA
Omg the timing of this video could not have been more perfect. My closest and only friendship had just ended and have been deeply depressed since I had nobody to talk to. Thank you for always putting out great videos.
Im so early! Lol. I feel super lost right now. My fiancé of 3 years broke up with me. He was my best friend. 😞 thank you for your videos and commitment, Kati!
When my ex broke up with me after 7yrs of marriage it CRUSHED me cause they were my best (and at that point) only friend. It took some time but I eventually moved on to healthier friendships ❤️
Just END IT once and for all! I tried ending it and then thinking that it could be continued again... But like a piece of beautiful porcelain glass shattered, it never quite looks the same after pieced back together with glue
I just ended my friendship with my best friend of two years and I tried to care and be sad about it but I haven't been able to feel anything and it's been a week of us not being friends and it's weird because I actually feel kind of happy and don't even care.
I relate to this so much. I have broken up with a friend of mine of 10 years recently and didn't feel as sad. This made me question if I had become a little too much selfish and shared this with my therapist. She explained that since this decision came from me being secured enough to know what's healthy for me and her, I didn't regret the decision anymore. This is actually a very significant growth so kudos to you
@@krusher74 same ,had a friend totally occupied on politics and $, finally said I can't pretend to be interested in your stuff. He has lost several friends due to his views
I did the same thing. It's been almost a year and she has texted me twice. I just ignore. It was a relief, her drama got old and it was always, always about her. She even admitted she wasn't a good friend but by that time I was over it. I now continue to invest in real friendships.
It's so interesting that you posted THIS video TODAY. Today is my former best friend's birthday. We didn't break up completely, but our relationship has changed significantly. What had began as a healthy best friend relationship devolved into an unhealthly co-dependency. She was the one who recognized it and extricated herself. My depression issues were worsening and my dog had just died, so it was quite messy and wretched on my end. That was nearly a decade ago. It has taken time, but we're at a good place now. I have to second Kati's advice about social media. I was following my friend on Instagram and seeing her doing things with our mutual friends in my state and no one invited me--I had moved back to my hometown to care for my parents and my Dad died 3 mos in, so I was alone and somewhat isolated from friends--and it stung. Even worse, I figured out that she wasn't following me on Instagram. I realized that I had to fully let go, so I stopped following her. That really brought me a lot more peace. We keep in touch, if sporadically. We meet up sometimes when I go back to Texas. I do feel sad about it sometimes because when I look back on when things were good, this not how I thought things would turn out.
I think the hardest thing, and one I wish would be talked about more, is what do you do when that person or persons were your only friend(s). When there's a major shift in behavior, or maybe you go to therapy and develop new boundaries, and now you're left with no one because the old friends don't care or won't listen to new boundaries. If you have no one to vent to or talk about, where do you go from there. I think its the same reason why some people stay in toxic friendship as well as toxic relationships, because then you have to do it all alone and thats so intimidating.
Thank you Kati, perfect timing! Happened to me just today. It is not only growing apart or the virus. Our country has not experienced this level of division since the Civil War, and I think it is showing us who values us for who we are, and who values us only when we agree with them. It is sad, yes. But I'd rather know, and let them go gently. A true friend will never require you to become someone you are not or make you agree with everything they say or do. Live and let live. The real friends will stay. Always.
Katie, I just turned 20 this year. I have never had a close friend, EVER! I've made some friends here and there but nobody I can vent to or share personal things with. This past week I tried to hang out with some girls I've knows for a few years at work because I really want friends but the whole time leading up to it I was anxious and nervous that I wouldn't fit in, or I would imagine the worst outcomes. The day came and I was completely right, I didn't fit in, I never have. At one point during lunch while I was haging with them I had to go into the bathroom because I was shaking so bad and my heart was pounding, it was more scary than enjoyable. Sometimes people will ask to hang out but I say no even though I want to because I know the outcome will always be the same, that I won't fit in with them. How do I deal with being completely alone? I'm I different than everyone? Why don't I want to put effort into relationships? Why does it scare me to have friends? Sometimes if I want to be frinds with someone I can't bring myself to engage. Sometimes the pain and anxiety of having friends is just too much to deal with that having no friends at all seems like a better option. I'm I just not likable? Please can you talk about this subject or reply to my comment. I hope I'm not alone.
This sounds very extreme! I think you should connect with a therapist to unpack why you have such a strong reaction. It could be a trauma response to something that happened to you when you were much younger. Especially because you mentioned heart pounding and shaking which sounds like trauma symptoms.
Relationships run their course, and honestly you will be just fine when the toxic ones end and it's not until they are over that you realize just how one-sided the relationship was. Thanks for sharing this Kati :)
It's good to see how this is going. Been in that state frequently (more like I lost 3 close friends now) and happy to say that I am slowly moving forward on my new life and just keep life flowing. I'd say I am totally numb now from what happened, but watching this makes me feel that I am doing the right thing now and I thank you for that. For all of the people who are in the same boat, you are not alone. Pick people who will pick you for the rest of their lives and find people who really connects your soul. ❤️
Perfect timing for me to watch this. I've had a few so called friend relationships of 24 plus years that I had to walk away from. Things change! I'm healthier than I was!!!
I like to keep different groups of friends that don’t know each other so that I’m not in a position of having nothing if a friendship within a group ends. Also, the different groups can offer advice not based on emotion because they are not part of the situation. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
This something I've struggled with over the years as post-college I discovered a lot of my friendships were somewhat based on convenience. When we didn't have direct near-daily access to each other things cooled off quickly, even though we all still lived within like ten miles of each other. It's not that anybody did anything wrong per se. It just, sort of happened as the next phases of life like marriage, careers, and kids showed up. If you were to ask, we'd probably all still say that we're friends, but it's really more in a historical sense rather than an active one. In a way, dealing with losing friends, even under the best of circumstances, is almost harder than ending romantic relationships. We don't expect friendships to end, and while there are eventually clear reasons why we might leave a partner, having a friendship fade away because "life" feels awkward and like a loose thread is constantly dangling.
I lost a friend in a bad way a month or so ago, it was so unexpected. I immediately blocked them on socials and their number, because I needed to. I don’t usually jump to that when it comes to falling out, but because they disrespected me and my wellbeing in how they left, I know that I value my energy and space. I started doing an affirmation afterwards, saying to the universe “Please remove anyone who has harmful thoughts towards me, or is lying to me” followed with “I take responsibility for my words and my actions, I hold space to revise the lessons of my life” and “I attract people in my circle who care about my wellbeing and who fill my cup as I fill theirs”
Kati, thank you so much for this video. I recently ended my friendship with my best friend - not because of a lack of anything in common, but because she was lying to me a lot, trying to manipulate me into situations that were making me uncomfortable, and it even got to the point where she would try to deliberately create tension between myself and my husband. I decided that I deserved better than that toxicity in my life... but I am still struggling with the loss of someone I loved so much despite how she treated me. So, seeing this video has been a massive help for me tonight. Really appreciate your expert opinion, as always. ❤️
I had this friend, we were best friends for 8 years. We grew up together, and I basically only had her. We talked 24/7, we facetimed all the time. We literally texted all the timeee, if one of us was in an uncofortable situation, we´d just text each other. I helped her through a hard time she had at her school, I made sure she changed school and was there for her. As soon as she changed school and felt comfortable in her new class, she ditched me. Bc she found a new best friend. She kept posting selfies of them on social media while she said no to hanging out with me. I blocked her bc seeing her with someone else made me so sad. This was three years ago. I keep having dreams about her, about me explaining why I blocked her and crying. I don't miss her. But I guess having one best friend is more important than u think, because now I don't have anyone to talk about boy problems, crushes or deep stuff with. I want to say that I've moved on, but my brain keep making me dream about her.
Wow, perfect timing. I am just about to tell my lifelong friend goodbye, as we simply just are very different people and on two totally separate paths. In addition, I wanted to add, don't let a friendship survive solely on nostalgia. My friend, who I have known since I was 8, has had a baby and gotten engaged this year. This year, I am putting in graduate applications and now have a stepson, and I kinda don't want kids of my own. You can kinda see where we separated. I know a lot of it is my lack of reaching out, but I have reached out on many different occasions to only be given minimal responses or one-sided responses. At the end of the day, our friendship is really one-sided and it is time I put myself first. Needless to say, Thanks Kati. I really needed this.
I see my old friend with who I ended my friendship in my dreams all the time...I know I ended that relationship for a good reason,but seems like I miss her!!!! In my conscious mind I could say that it was good to let her go.
I needed to hear this. I am still trying to move forward from a close friendship that ended months ago. Her and I were close for 5 years. It’s beyond difficult.
I recently dumped my friend of 12 years, as you said people change, enough for them to stop recognizing each other and start doubting their relationships, my friend was an exciting vibrant and easy-going person when I met him when we were teenagers, by the time I left I honestly condescended to him as to how ignorant he was, he got shady and manipulative, being as close as we are he told me everything, but I secretly stopped taking his side a long time ago, we saw each other everyday, it left quite the gap to fill which is very hard, I'm filling up my time with books and wising up about my time management as a lesson learned, thank you Kati
Some friendships won’t stand the test of time and yes that’s ok. But also keep in mind you should be aware if your issues are the common denominator. I ended a dear friendship years ago that I regretted, but then years later I apologized and we reconnected. But then she unexpectedly died a short time after that. You never know what can happen. Don’t end friendships over petty things. What I wouldn’t give to have those wasted years apart back.
I’m an older guy and had a fun platonic friendship with a hiker friend for many years. Maybe we got too personal with each other and she became uncomfortable getting too close. I guess it had to end. It was a complete breakup with no more contact. She had helped me get through a lot of depression and I owe her a lot. With the help of some counselling, I have come to accept the loss. I still miss her, but have no animosity towards her. I’ve learned to forgive both her and myself. Lessons learned.
Thank you for posting this video. I am going through breaking up with a friend and it is very taxing on my mental state. Unfollowing them on social media has been crucial in my healing process. So glad you spoke about its importance!
Kati, Thank you for this video! I desperately needed this because I recently just went through a friend break up and it's been so hard because she cut me out cold turkey. I never got closure. I was friends with this friend for like two years so I never expected it coming. Still in the grieving process.
Please read this: I had a guy friend who I thought I had genuine feelings for. After I told him a few times how I felt towards him, he finally came out and said he wasn't interested in me in that way. We agreed to be friends, but things were never quite the same after all this, and any time I try to talk with him about stuff that's been going on, he avoids talking about it. More recently, I sent him a message letting him know that he wasn't going to hear from me for a while because I was still hung up on him and I knew it wasn't healthy. But even so, I do still miss talking to him, and I wish things were different right now. But after everything that's happened, I feel like letting him go is the best thing to do. What are your thoughts on the matter? Got any advice or stories you would like to share with me? Please feel free to comment! 💞
TFW ur close friendship group just broke down and the first thing on RUclips is this. Thanks a lot Kati. Not only for this vid but for dozens of other vids. I’ve really needed them.
I wanted to let you know I watched this video because I recently went through a friend break up. I have a mutual friend with this friend, and I was very much not planning on talking with her about it. This video changed my mind though, and talking to this friend might have help make our friendship closer. Not in a “hate on her” kind of way, but in a “good to know what you’re feeling kind of way”.
This is very timely as I'm ending a friendship currently. I really agree with learning from the friendship breakup. For me, I realized that this person does not respect my boundaries and that's not something I will ever allow in my interpersonal relationships- even if we've been in each others lives for years.
Idk if this comment will ever be seen but I feel like the friendship that I had with someone... has ended. But I’m not sure.... it’s heartbreaking and I wish that our differences wouldn’t tear is apart.
I've had a hard time with interpersonal relationships my entire life and I take all of these friend breakups so hard and personal. I just recently went through a dramatic and hurtful friend breakup (yet again), so you uploaded this video at a perfect time for me. Thank you so much!
I feel these tips are geared towards them doing something, I still care for them but they don't me. Which is fair in it's own right but harder to process
Thank you for making this Kati, I recently got blocked by the friend I considered precious without any reason or explanation, it came as a shock as we both were fine so it hurts a lot. It's like she 'killed' me out of her life...
You do great job Kati! I think also that the community here (and their stories/discussions down below) are fantastic and really helpful as well 😁 . I've made a compilation of most liked comments from this channel and think you can like it :D Have a nice day everyone!
I went through a small, rough patch a few years ago. I was dealing with a loss and my best friend at the time ghosted me. It really hurt. She just stopped responding to my texts. I’m completely fine now, but I occasionally wonder why she just disappeared.
This happened to me like 6 years ago!! She actually texted me last year apologizing. It wasn’t a straight up ghost but she randomly told me once to my face that she “just can’t be around me” and then stopped texting me all together. I didn’t see it coming at all. Then just like 2 months ago I was going to go visit my long distance best friend who I’ve know for 10 years and she was being kind of weird right before I was going to go. Saying she was just too busy and her mom was scared to have me around because of covid. Those were valid excuse I thought so I just replied something like “okay no prob just let me know if it’s still on or not a week before so I can try to work if it’s not” and she replied back with a ton of laughing face emojis and said “honestly I have nothing in common with you” it was so shocking
I’ve had this happen, people do grow apart...looking back I gave myself time to grieve and I do understand friendships run there course . It was difficult but you do open yourself up for new friendships to enter. It’s nice.
I needed this back in January. But it's good to know it's pretty normal to still be feeling like shit despite the friendship ending all those months ago.
Three years ago my best friend moved 50 miles away. She said that this wouldn’t change things but it did. She stopped calling me and not texting me as often. We had a few get together but it was always when it was convenient for her. I felt I was doing more of the reaching out then she was. We used to be so close and could talk about anything. For the past three years she has made more excuses as to why she can’t see me so I’m just giving up! I didn’t ask much from the friendship, just a once-a-month get together. I have really been struggling and I am very hurt. Time to move on.
Thank you for this. I had to uninvite someone to my wedding, and it was pretty sad to realize that this person wasn't my friend anymore. I know I'm better off without them and definitely don't need them in my life, but still.
I think this video came out a good time for me. Thank you. I’ve been trying to suppress my feelings for the past couple months now and it’s been a little draining at times. So thank you!
Thank you for this video! It was definitely stuff I needed to hear and your steps are actually things I've figured out on my own since my whole friend group pretty much ghosted me over the past 2 years in different waves. I was the 'mother/big sister' figure of the group of my awesome friends so I was constantly the one that was helping everyone and giving out advise and listening to friends venting about others, but also advising them to talk to them once they were comfortable to do so; so they could put their 'beef' to rest. Never did I EVER imagine that one day I would try to communicate with one of the friends about what things she was doing that was upsetting me, that would result in 3 other friends ghosting me in different periods of a 2 year span. And yes there's ALOT of more detail to this story that shows both myself and them at fault for the way things have turned out (yes I'm able to admit the things I'm aware of that I'm at fault for). But one thing I realized was it turns out if you're the 'big sister' of the group, there's no one there to help you when you're down. Not to mention it doesn't help, when I'm the ONLY ONE that is all about communicating feelings when something has happened that would upset me. I guess in the long run I should of known better :-/ Either way, despite all this, these past 2 years has been pretty hard for me, processing this friend group break up and weirdly enough I still care a lot about these people. I really do and wish nothing but the best for them. One of the things that has actually helped me grieve is knowing that our 'break up' was because of miscommunication and there's always a chance with time and growth that we may reunite (and yes I'm aware that there's the chance it may not happen either) later on in life. Either way that 'hope' just for some reason keeps me on track with focusing more on my growth through all of this, then the daily sadness that wraps around the thought "what did I do for them to just drop me like I never mattered to them?" Anyways, thank you again for making this video, it really made me feel better at the fact that I'm still slowly grieving this loss, when everyone else in my life has in some way told me to "get over it" :(
I had to tell her we grew apart , my life feels different like I’m missing something , 13 year friendship , but I felt me not being able to be myself and thinking about how much she didn’t care about my feelings was enough for me to finally break and leave. I’m hurt it sucks I truly wish her the best I’m sure I’m the enemy in her version. She hates my guts rn she was sending me hurtful messages so I had to even block her. It’s hella sad even in this she doesn’t realize breakups hurt on both ends, even now she’s not holding my feelings in regard.
At least you're in a better place now. She vindicates the worst case scenario for you and you deserve better. I'm just jumping across this hurdle myself with a fellow male friend who I finally decide to let go of too. For me, personally, I decided it's just not worth it taking the ever increasingly new negatives with the diminishing positives. I was getting the former more than I was getting more than the latter at the end anyways
you’ve had THREE friend break ups. i almost spit out my drink... i didn’t realize how many friends and people i’ve lost in my life from my bpd till rn. 😂 how in the world did you only have three friendship break ups o.o ive done dbt group three times! LOL but honestly i’m so thankful your open to teaching online. you’re such a great influence to youtube ♡
i had a horrible friend breakup earlier this year. my best friend in the entire world. poof.. gone. i had no choice in it and it was the worst i’ve ever felt. i didn’t know i had to grieve until my therapist told me i should. i had to treat it as if she died because that’s exactly what it felt like. the tip about talking to your other friends really helped me. i don’t know what i’d do without them. i’m still sad but i’m finally starting to feel like myself again. thank you for this video. it was so reassuring that things will be okay. 💗
I love the topics that youre covering, theyre very specific but enough that can actually be useful once that kind of scenario were to happen 🥰 thank you for sharing the love especially during this hard time!
I don’t understand negative reviews. This is wicked advice and so well delivered. I can only assume it’s a child or someone who’s developmentally delayed.
I've lost a lot of friends over the years due to us not having anything in common anymore. I used to think it was my fault, but then I realized my skin was constantly shedding ☺
Best is to just shut off social media. Doesn’t matter if its a friendship break up or friends moving away, social media makes it harder for people to move on (my experiences) seeing them having fun with their lives. Before social media, it was easier to move on. When its over its over. No social media to stalk them.
This video is exactly what I need! I ended up my friendship with my childhood best friend for 20 yrs. It sucked but I realized we all experience change and growth. Thanks for the vid Kati❤️
You could never understand how releaving it feels to finally find someone who understands the pains and intricacies of losing a true friend. Thank you for this video
Thank you for this video! I ended my 6 year best friendship almost 2 years ago (toxic for both of us bc we were codependent and poor communication skills) and I had a hard time finding articles/videos to validate my feelings and teach me what to do next, how to grieve. I wish this topic was just as equally validated as romantic relationship breakups. Thank you! I hope someone else can use this info to help them more so they feel less lost than I did
The mourning aspect is important. I had all this sorrow and ugliness trapped inside, and I knew the way to get it out was by having a good cry--except I couldn't. I played a song last night that always makes me emotional. The release happened. I feel better. First major step in reclaiming my life, and moving ahead.
![Gucci Mane & Sexyy Red - You Don't Love Me [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/j7IBqyFKT4c/mqdefault.jpg)
Unlike a relationship, the weird thing about a friendship that ends is there is no tangible point in which the friendship officially ended. It just slowly and slowly tapers off, leaving you wondering why things are going the way they are, and even making you feel depressed, second guessing yourself ("should I reach out?" "what is my role here, I don't know how to _fix_ this, "etc).
It's not like two friends will officially talk to each other and call it quits, like in a relationship. It's more like a slow burn, except, I guess it's more like a slow freeze....the closeness you once felt becomes colder and colder.
I think it depends on the people in the friendship in how it ends, but for the most part you described the most common situation pretty well. In my ended friendship with my best friend, we had several conversations about what we were feeling and what we’d do after I went to college, how to rebuild trust in the friendship, etc. We met up again in winter break to rediscuss things and I ended it a few months later based on how we adjusted. So we did have an official end, but I guess it depends on the dynamics of the friends involved and communication styles. But yeah, most friendships just taper off which can be hard with that lack of closure
So true. That’s when we must decide for ourself the boundary.
Yes and because of that there can be so many misunderstandings! I feel like my BF broke up and started to distance myself. Turns out she didn't really wanna break up... It was so messy... :(
That's so true
@@liahlow1435 Oh you thought your best friend was trying not to be friends with you anymore, and so you read that, and started to distance yourself, but misread the situation? That sucks, have you tried to reach back out?
had a friendship break up with someone 20 months ago or so, it still hurts so much. It's worse knowing it's your fault and fully understanding that it was your own actions (or inaction in my case) that caused it to fail. they were my best friend, pushed me forward, cared about me, made me laugh, everything. I haven't found anyone like her since, and it sucks knowing that something so little could have solved everything.
I know the feeling. I lost a friend because of something I said not knowing it would offend her. I hate myself because of it and I punish myself physically and psychologically everyday.
I found it helpful to recognize the role this friend has served and the need they fulfilled in our life. Once you recognize it, you will also recognize that you have other friends or have developed your own skills that can satisfy this need without having to have this friend.
needed to read this !!
When I red the title I almost started to cry 😢 that’s exactly what I needed, so Kati a huge THANK YOU 💜 for what you do
Yees, that is me right now💜
Of course!! I am glad the video was helpful and came at a good time :) xoxo
Me too....lost my very best friend of 7 years...she moved 3,000 miles away.
@@artglue2 My friend moved too. Suddenly from day to day she wrote me she is moving on.
I know it’s like if a friend break up I had a friend pick up before Where is boo
Just talked to my therapist today about grieving the loss of my old friend group. Such a hard thing to deal with, but my new friends reminded me “Why are you missing those who don’t miss you?”
I'm in the same situation now. .. how are feeling now?
Obviously because you're attached to them and they are not. It's an unreciprocated feeling. That's why.
What did you do to find new friends
I’ve had a couple rough friendship breakups, time does heal things, but it was really hard at first!!
Maybe when it's couple, when it's a lot.. it doesn't anymore, it becomes a fear.
I spend almost four years trying to get over a friendship that ended.
I needed it. It taught me alot
Same! I had a childhood friend and it took me sooo long to get over her. There were many memories
I needed this video like a year or two ago.
Yep same here: 5yrs ago... I hope you are fine with it now. ♡
same
Same
Same but 7 years.
Same, about 3-4 years ago
I've started to build boundaries between my best friend/ex. It was obvious that it was unhealthy, especially my end. I grew resentment and negative thoughts to the point I couldn't handle it. Take care of yourselves ppl
Being friend dumped for someone “cooler” is something we all tend to think of as something we experience as kids, but it still happens and hurts as an adult. Social climbers and users are the worst kind of people.
Sorry that happened to you. But your profile pic is the cutest!
@@liahlow1435 haha thanks! 😊
Oh I love that term "social climbers" - yes!
But how do I know if this is happening… my best friend has a new friendgroup now and she seems reallyyyy happy. But unfortunately I seem to be non-important to her now. Just like that. Haven’t had a good talk since my birthday (October, like 3 months ago). She just doesn’t show interest in me anymore.
My other friend says he always thought she was kinda using me. I don’t know tho. We were closest when she was most alone, that is true. Maybe she did use me
The ironic part is who was considered "cooler" most of the time turned out to be fake
I wonder if COVID impacted anyone else’s friendship.
From what I saw on social media, yes.
Of course! I’ve let go if 3 toxic friendships and it feels great.......for this I appreciate lockdown 😀
personally for me yes
pakiraju786 Yup
Yes it definitely has !!
A few times in my life a "friend" has dropped me, without an explanation. Both came back with a phone call a year later, saying "I was just wondering how are you?" I didn't answer, but I wanted to ask why. Finally, I realized it didn't really matter. If they truly cared for me, they would not have just disappeared without explanation. I realized I am fine without them and I feel THEY are the ones who really lost out because I am a really nice, dependable person who would have made a difference in their lives. I'm better off without them--who needs a disloyal, faithless friend?
Exactly
I do prefer to find out what happened; I had a friend who had to hide bc her ex was violent.
I had a head injury and had bullying from multiple social connections all at once, only two people asked how I was 🤷🏽♂️
I agree. the slow ghosting or the dramatic "don't contact me" is about THEM, THEIR MENTAL STATE/HEALTH, AND THEIR VALUES. I'm a great friend. If u want to move on, I won't beg for u to be close..Life and let live..
thank you for this video. A few years ago I had a 22yr friendship end (she just got more manipulative and abusive and I had to leave). Unlike a romantic breakup I found I didn't have the same resources to get through it. When I talked to people about it I found I didn't get the same kind of sympathy or attentiveness as I did when my boyfriend broke up with me. It felt surreal. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and everyone understood that pain. I was friends with that other person for over two decades and all anyone could say was "oh that sucks." I felt like I had to go through the whole thing by myself which was isolating on top of already cutting out someone who was a big part of my life.
I understand how you feel
I understand totally! My BF and I had a 26 year friendship. We thought of each other as sisters! This not seeing her anymore has been so hard on me. I feel you pain.
Hey, you, reading this
Here, have a virtual hug
xoxox
i’m crying rn i searched this since i just got into a giant argument with my quote on quote best friend
I experienced a very painful friendship breakup a week ago! It was totally unexpected! I never imagined that!
Same. Only a month in after 13 years of friendship. I hope your healing journey goes well
@@annn5700 I feel for you! I hope your healing journey will be the best!!!🤗😊
I am so sorry you are going through that.. I hope this video was helpful in your healing process :) xoxo
it's been a month since one of my close friends stopped talking to me altogether. caught me totally off guard. I'm definitely not ok yet.
Same! I feel your pain mine happened mid august. It and kills me because I feel like I can’t do anything to fix it. But I guess we just gotta let it go and grieve the loss. I feel for you!
I wish we talk more about friendship breakups. It can be weird and hard to recognize how and when its time to end a friendship..
I'm 37 year old and don't have a single friend. And ghosting is hard, not only in love but also in friendships.
SAME SuperStrange Shadow NOT ONE FRIEND AND IT FUCKING SUCKS!!! :'(
@@pinky1068 Me too and the ones I have had has betrayed me or talked behind my back. I don't have high critera when it comes to friends, but it would be nice to be with someone you trust and have fun with. It's been a long time. Sorry that you are going through it too. :/
I am 70 and do not have a friend. I have just accepted it.
I realized that my friend was just using me and not even caring about my needs.
@@marycontryman5496 I have accepted it long time ago. Tired of fake friends.
Thank you for clarifying that unfollowing people isn't always petty; sometime's it's exactly what we need. We don't need to consume reminders of how happy our friends are without us, it will just hurt. I wish that was more normalized, it's not even personal! It's healing :)
I'm questioning a lot of my friendships at the moment. I'm not sure if we've grown apart, I've not communicated my needs well enough or I'm just disconnecting and pulling away from people. All feels quite confusing.
Same
@vicki platford. I'm doing the same thing! I just turned 65 I am a recent cancer survivor and now I'm questioning my relationships. It's like I feel like I need new ones because I'm so different now. Weird.
The one benefit of having no friends is never losing anyone. The downside is I’m super lonely 😞
s a m e :'( Blakely Smith
😫🖤 I wish it was easier to find your people, I wish we could all risk being more vulnerable and honest with each other
This video has been helpful - from an "after" perspective. Please create a video on the "before" perspective. eg deciding that it is time to end a friendship & how to do that (rather than ghost the person.) Thank you!
I'd love a video on this topic, too!
Oh, this is a fantastic idea!
Would love this as well! I feel like I’m at the decision phase currently.
would be super helpful right now :)
I’ve been ghosting because I really don’t know what to say to my friend. I’m avoiding the conflict and further disappointment. I want to reach out and tell her why I’ve been ghosting her but I can’t bring myself to do it. She keeps perusing me and the harder she does the more I feel pressure to address things so I hide.
The timing is flawless 💖😭 I needed this as I go through my own friendship breakup
I am so sorry :( I hope the video was helpful!! xoxo
I like how you explain to lean into other friendships. I do have a tendency to isolate when I lose a friend and feel like I don't deserve my other friends.
In the past I found when a friend didnt want to hang out with me anymore i use to think that i must be horrible to be around and it made me feel so alone and insecure. Now when I look back apart from perhaps one of those friendships. They never wanted to be around me because they were shallow and even more needy than I was because they chose other people over me because i did not live up to their expectations of looks or money they wanted to be with others who they thought would fulfill them more than me. But i do believe in time they realized their values of self and others were all screwed up.
This is so true
Coincided.....a little
I didn't lose just one friendship, I lost practically all of them at once. I lost one friend and the rest followed. All the friends I have are connected to this one person and they all sided with them instead of me. I've been abandoned like this before and I don't know how to handle it happening again. What hurts the most is knowing that these people who I cherished so deeply are inevitably going to talk shit about me and laugh about it. These people I once felt so safe and at ease with will talk about me like I shouldn't have in the first place. I loved these people and treated them like family. They were the catalyst to so much of my personal growth and I felt so free with them. And now I'm a mistake to them.
I thought I was loved and I wasn't. In the back of my head I always feared this happening but I thought I found myself among people who genuinely cared about me and I told myself for years I could trust them. I don't think I can trust anyone anymore.
This just happened to me the past 2 years I'm glad I'm not alone
blocking, unfriending or unfollowing on social media has been one of the best and most empowering things for me. You can absolutely block anyone abusive or aggressive, you can absolutely unfriend anyone or unfollow if you want to keep contact but not see their bullshit posts.
I found mindfulness really helpful in making these choices, is seeing these posts helping me live my value driven life, or is it triggering/upsetting/infuriating/distracting?
I've even unfriended or unfollowed people I was unhealthily obsessed with, I didn't want to think about them all the time anymore, and I don't have to
I broke up with my best friend, who has been toxic for years. He’s bigoted and we just don’t have anything in common. I just stayed friends with him because I didn’t know that friends can break up like romantic relationships. I thought friends were forever. It really messed with my morals and mental health. I blocked him on social media and took a deep breath. I grieved this loss long ago. Unfortunately we have mutual friends/family, so I’ll probably still see him often. I will pretty much ignore him as much as possible, but be civil if we run into each other. NO MORE DRAMA
I have got through so many friendship breakups. It's like I can never keep any friends. I will keep trying but it is getting really tiring
Me too
Yes!
Me too
exactly how i feel
Have you examed your actions in the friendships?
Omg the timing of this video could not have been more perfect. My closest and only friendship had just ended and have been deeply depressed since I had nobody to talk to. Thank you for always putting out great videos.
how are you going now 2 years later shawn?
Im so early! Lol. I feel super lost right now. My fiancé of 3 years broke up with me. He was my best friend. 😞 thank you for your videos and commitment, Kati!
When my ex broke up with me after 7yrs of marriage it CRUSHED me cause they were my best (and at that point) only friend. It took some time but I eventually moved on to healthier friendships ❤️
You’re being protected I’m sure......you’ll find the right one in time🥰
💓💓💓💓💓 you'll get through it
Yay sponsors!! How exciting go Kati👸
I know right?!?! I was so excited!!! hahah!! xoxo
Just END IT once and for all! I tried ending it and then thinking that it could be continued again... But like a piece of beautiful porcelain glass shattered, it never quite looks the same after pieced back together with glue
I just ended my friendship with my best friend of two years and I tried to care and be sad about it but I haven't been able to feel anything and it's been a week of us not being friends and it's weird because I actually feel kind of happy and don't even care.
I relate to this so much. I have broken up with a friend of mine of 10 years recently and didn't feel as sad. This made me question if I had become a little too much selfish and shared this with my therapist. She explained that since this decision came from me being secured enough to know what's healthy for me and her, I didn't regret the decision anymore. This is actually a very significant growth so kudos to you
that does not sound weird, that sounds like relief to get away from something that did not bring any happyness to your life
Sounds like a good decision
@@krusher74 same ,had a friend totally occupied on politics and $, finally said I can't pretend to be interested in your stuff. He has lost several friends due to his views
I did the same thing. It's been almost a year and she has texted me twice. I just ignore. It was a relief, her drama got old and it was always, always about her. She even admitted she wasn't a good friend but by that time I was over it. I now continue to invest in real friendships.
It's so interesting that you posted THIS video TODAY. Today is my former best friend's birthday. We didn't break up completely, but our relationship has changed significantly. What had began as a healthy best friend relationship devolved into an unhealthly co-dependency. She was the one who recognized it and extricated herself. My depression issues were worsening and my dog had just died, so it was quite messy and wretched on my end. That was nearly a decade ago. It has taken time, but we're at a good place now. I have to second Kati's advice about social media. I was following my friend on Instagram and seeing her doing things with our mutual friends in my state and no one invited me--I had moved back to my hometown to care for my parents and my Dad died 3 mos in, so I was alone and somewhat isolated from friends--and it stung. Even worse, I figured out that she wasn't following me on Instagram. I realized that I had to fully let go, so I stopped following her. That really brought me a lot more peace. We keep in touch, if sporadically. We meet up sometimes when I go back to Texas. I do feel sad about it sometimes because when I look back on when things were good, this not how I thought things would turn out.
Love the analogy of shedding skin of the old self. Thanks for this!
How very fitting. I almost broke up with a friend yesterday, but today we talked it out alot and now we're good again.
I think the hardest thing, and one I wish would be talked about more, is what do you do when that person or persons were your only friend(s). When there's a major shift in behavior, or maybe you go to therapy and develop new boundaries, and now you're left with no one because the old friends don't care or won't listen to new boundaries. If you have no one to vent to or talk about, where do you go from there. I think its the same reason why some people stay in toxic friendship as well as toxic relationships, because then you have to do it all alone and thats so intimidating.
Thank you Kati, perfect timing! Happened to me just today. It is not only growing apart or the virus. Our country has not experienced this level of division since the Civil War, and I think it is showing us who values us for who we are, and who values us only when we agree with them. It is sad, yes. But I'd rather know, and let them go gently. A true friend will never require you to become someone you are not or make you agree with everything they say or do. Live and let live. The real friends will stay. Always.
PS. This was not a political statement. Just an observation.
Katie, I just turned 20 this year. I have never had a close friend, EVER! I've made some friends here and there but nobody I can vent to or share personal things with. This past week I tried to hang out with some girls I've knows for a few years at work because I really want friends but the whole time leading up to it I was anxious and nervous that I wouldn't fit in, or I would imagine the worst outcomes. The day came and I was completely right, I didn't fit in, I never have. At one point during lunch while I was haging with them I had to go into the bathroom because I was shaking so bad and my heart was pounding, it was more scary than enjoyable. Sometimes people will ask to hang out but I say no even though I want to because I know the outcome will always be the same, that I won't fit in with them. How do I deal with being completely alone? I'm I different than everyone? Why don't I want to put effort into relationships? Why does it scare me to have friends? Sometimes if I want to be frinds with someone I can't bring myself to engage. Sometimes the pain and anxiety of having friends is just too much to deal with that having no friends at all seems like a better option. I'm I just not likable? Please can you talk about this subject or reply to my comment. I hope I'm not alone.
This sounds very extreme! I think you should connect with a therapist to unpack why you have such a strong reaction. It could be a trauma response to something that happened to you when you were much younger. Especially because you mentioned heart pounding and shaking which sounds like trauma symptoms.
Relationships run their course, and honestly you will be just fine when the toxic ones end and it's not until they are over that you realize just how one-sided the relationship was. Thanks for sharing this Kati :)
It's good to see how this is going. Been in that state frequently (more like I lost 3 close friends now) and happy to say that I am slowly moving forward on my new life and just keep life flowing. I'd say I am totally numb now from what happened, but watching this makes me feel that I am doing the right thing now and I thank you for that.
For all of the people who are in the same boat, you are not alone. Pick people who will pick you for the rest of their lives and find people who really connects your soul. ❤️
Perfect timing for me to watch this. I've had a few so called friend relationships of 24 plus years that I had to walk away from. Things change! I'm healthier than I was!!!
I like to keep different groups of friends that don’t know each other so that I’m not in a position of having nothing if a friendship within a group ends. Also, the different groups can offer advice not based on emotion because they are not part of the situation. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
This something I've struggled with over the years as post-college I discovered a lot of my friendships were somewhat based on convenience. When we didn't have direct near-daily access to each other things cooled off quickly, even though we all still lived within like ten miles of each other. It's not that anybody did anything wrong per se. It just, sort of happened as the next phases of life like marriage, careers, and kids showed up. If you were to ask, we'd probably all still say that we're friends, but it's really more in a historical sense rather than an active one.
In a way, dealing with losing friends, even under the best of circumstances, is almost harder than ending romantic relationships. We don't expect friendships to end, and while there are eventually clear reasons why we might leave a partner, having a friendship fade away because "life" feels awkward and like a loose thread is constantly dangling.
I lost a friend in a bad way a month or so ago, it was so unexpected. I immediately blocked them on socials and their number, because I needed to. I don’t usually jump to that when it comes to falling out, but because they disrespected me and my wellbeing in how they left, I know that I value my energy and space.
I started doing an affirmation afterwards, saying to the universe “Please remove anyone who has harmful thoughts towards me, or is lying to me” followed with “I take responsibility for my words and my actions, I hold space to revise the lessons of my life” and “I attract people in my circle who care about my wellbeing and who fill my cup as I fill theirs”
They ghosted me, didn’t even explain why. Just straight up ghosted me.
Kati, thank you so much for this video. I recently ended my friendship with my best friend - not because of a lack of anything in common, but because she was lying to me a lot, trying to manipulate me into situations that were making me uncomfortable, and it even got to the point where she would try to deliberately create tension between myself and my husband. I decided that I deserved better than that toxicity in my life... but I am still struggling with the loss of someone I loved so much despite how she treated me. So, seeing this video has been a massive help for me tonight. Really appreciate your expert opinion, as always. ❤️
I had this friend, we were best friends for 8 years. We grew up together, and I basically only had her. We talked 24/7, we facetimed all the time. We literally texted all the timeee, if one of us was in an uncofortable situation, we´d just text each other. I helped her through a hard time she had at her school, I made sure she changed school and was there for her. As soon as she changed school and felt comfortable in her new class, she ditched me. Bc she found a new best friend. She kept posting selfies of them on social media while she said no to hanging out with me. I blocked her bc seeing her with someone else made me so sad. This was three years ago. I keep having dreams about her, about me explaining why I blocked her and crying. I don't miss her. But I guess having one best friend is more important than u think, because now I don't have anyone to talk about boy problems, crushes or deep stuff with. I want to say that I've moved on, but my brain keep making me dream about her.
I understand you
I felt silly for being so sad about a friend break up, but this video and the comments have made me feel normal ❤️
Wow, perfect timing. I am just about to tell my lifelong friend goodbye, as we simply just are very different people and on two totally separate paths. In addition, I wanted to add, don't let a friendship survive solely on nostalgia. My friend, who I have known since I was 8, has had a baby and gotten engaged this year. This year, I am putting in graduate applications and now have a stepson, and I kinda don't want kids of my own. You can kinda see where we separated. I know a lot of it is my lack of reaching out, but I have reached out on many different occasions to only be given minimal responses or one-sided responses. At the end of the day, our friendship is really one-sided and it is time I put myself first. Needless to say, Thanks Kati. I really needed this.
Kati has a CBD sponsorship?!? My little youtuber is all grown up!
❤️🥺
kidz say no to the devil's lettuce!
@@krusher74 hahah!!! xoxo
Right?!?! hahah! xoxo
I see my old friend with who I ended my friendship in my dreams all the time...I know I ended that relationship for a good reason,but seems like I miss her!!!! In my conscious mind I could say that it was good to let her go.
me too
I needed to hear this. I am still trying to move forward from a close friendship that ended months ago. Her and I were close for 5 years. It’s beyond difficult.
I recently dumped my friend of 12 years, as you said people change, enough for them to stop recognizing each other and start doubting their relationships, my friend was an exciting vibrant and easy-going person when I met him when we were teenagers, by the time I left I honestly condescended to him as to how ignorant he was, he got shady and manipulative, being as close as we are he told me everything, but I secretly stopped taking his side a long time ago, we saw each other everyday, it left quite the gap to fill which is very hard, I'm filling up my time with books and wising up about my time management as a lesson learned, thank you Kati
Some friendships won’t stand the test of time and yes that’s ok. But also keep in mind you should be aware if your issues are the common denominator. I ended a dear friendship years ago that I regretted, but then years later I apologized and we reconnected. But then she unexpectedly died a short time after that. You never know what can happen. Don’t end friendships over petty things. What I wouldn’t give to have those wasted years apart back.
I’m an older guy and had a fun platonic friendship with a hiker friend for many years. Maybe we got too personal with each other and she became uncomfortable getting too close. I guess it had to end. It was a complete breakup with no more contact. She had helped me get through a lot of depression and I owe her a lot. With the help of some counselling, I have come to accept the loss. I still miss her, but have no animosity towards her. I’ve learned to forgive both her and myself. Lessons learned.
The timing of this video is everything. Just ended a friendship yesterday
My best friend of 14 years just texted me this morning and ended it today. I’m so hurt. Thank you for this video.
Exactly what I needed today, I ended my friendship with a best friend (known him since we were kids) and it's not easy but necessary. Thank you
I am so sorry you are going through that.. but I am glad the video was helpful!! xoxo
Thank you for posting this video. I am going through breaking up with a friend and it is very taxing on my mental state. Unfollowing them on social media has been crucial in my healing process. So glad you spoke about its importance!
Try to let people go because every person in your journey are meant to be there but not all of them who are meant to stay in it until the end
Kati,
Thank you for this video! I desperately needed this because I recently just went through a friend break up and it's been so hard because she cut me out cold turkey. I never got closure. I was friends with this friend for like two years so I never expected it coming. Still in the grieving process.
Please read this:
I had a guy friend who I thought I had genuine feelings for. After I told him a few times how I felt towards him, he finally came out and said he wasn't interested in me in that way. We agreed to be friends, but things were never quite the same after all this, and any time I try to talk with him about stuff that's been going on, he avoids talking about it.
More recently, I sent him a message letting him know that he wasn't going to hear from me for a while because I was still hung up on him and I knew it wasn't healthy. But even so, I do still miss talking to him, and I wish things were different right now. But after everything that's happened, I feel like letting him go is the best thing to do.
What are your thoughts on the matter? Got any advice or stories you would like to share with me?
Please feel free to comment! 💞
TFW ur close friendship group just broke down and the first thing on RUclips is this. Thanks a lot Kati. Not only for this vid but for dozens of other vids. I’ve really needed them.
I really needed to hear this right now. Currently going through this with a best friend of mine, thank you 🥺
❤️
Of course!! I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
I wanted to let you know I watched this video because I recently went through a friend break up. I have a mutual friend with this friend, and I was very much not planning on talking with her about it. This video changed my mind though, and talking to this friend might have help make our friendship closer. Not in a “hate on her” kind of way, but in a “good to know what you’re feeling kind of way”.
This is very timely as I'm ending a friendship currently. I really agree with learning from the friendship breakup. For me, I realized that this person does not respect my boundaries and that's not something I will ever allow in my interpersonal relationships- even if we've been in each others lives for years.
Idk if this comment will ever be seen but I feel like the friendship that I had with someone... has ended. But I’m not sure.... it’s heartbreaking and I wish that our differences wouldn’t tear is apart.
When it's time to walk away...it's time to walk away. Honor your gut feelings and honor yourself 💜
I've had a hard time with interpersonal relationships my entire life and I take all of these friend breakups so hard and personal. I just recently went through a dramatic and hurtful friend breakup (yet again), so you uploaded this video at a perfect time for me. Thank you so much!
what the heck, this video's timing is PERFECT
I feel these tips are geared towards them doing something, I still care for them but they don't me. Which is fair in it's own right but harder to process
I needed this channel when I was in first grade
Thank you for making this Kati, I recently got blocked by the friend I considered precious without any reason or explanation, it came as a shock as we both were fine so it hurts a lot. It's like she 'killed' me out of her life...
You do great job Kati! I think also that the community here (and their stories/discussions down below) are fantastic and really helpful as well 😁 . I've made a compilation of most liked comments from this channel and think you can like it :D Have a nice day everyone!
I went through a small, rough patch a few years ago. I was dealing with a loss and my best friend at the time ghosted me. It really hurt. She just stopped responding to my texts. I’m completely fine now, but I occasionally wonder why she just disappeared.
I am so sorry she did that.. communication is always better then just ghosting. You deserve better friends then that anyways :)
@@Katimorton thank you 😊
Oh ouch, being "ghosted" by a former friend hurts so much! It can be a real struggle to find/create closure... glad you're fine now though.
This happened to me like 6 years ago!! She actually texted me last year apologizing. It wasn’t a straight up ghost but she randomly told me once to my face that she “just can’t be around me” and then stopped texting me all together. I didn’t see it coming at all.
Then just like 2 months ago I was going to go visit my long distance best friend who I’ve know for 10 years and she was being kind of weird right before I was going to go. Saying she was just too busy and her mom was scared to have me around because of covid. Those were valid excuse I thought so I just replied something like “okay no prob just let me know if it’s still on or not a week before so I can try to work if it’s not” and she replied back with a ton of laughing face emojis and said “honestly I have nothing in common with you” it was so shocking
I’ve had this happen, people do grow apart...looking back I gave myself time to grieve and I do understand friendships run there course . It was difficult but you do open yourself up for new friendships to enter. It’s nice.
I needed this back in January. But it's good to know it's pretty normal to still be feeling like shit despite the friendship ending all those months ago.
Three years ago my best friend moved 50 miles away. She said that this wouldn’t change things but it did. She stopped calling me and not texting me as often. We had a few get together but it was always when it was convenient for her. I felt I was doing more of the reaching out then she was. We used to be so close and could talk about anything. For the past three years she has made more excuses as to why she can’t see me so I’m just giving up! I didn’t ask much from the friendship, just a once-a-month get together. I have really been struggling and I am very hurt. Time to move on.
Thank you for this. I had to uninvite someone to my wedding, and it was pretty sad to realize that this person wasn't my friend anymore. I know I'm better off without them and definitely don't need them in my life, but still.
I think this video came out a good time for me. Thank you. I’ve been trying to suppress my feelings for the past couple months now and it’s been a little draining at times. So thank you!
Hi Katie! I love this video. I'm trying to move on from an old crush (he and I were friends) and this video has helped me a lot. Thank you so much!! 💕
Thank you for this video! It was definitely stuff I needed to hear and your steps are actually things I've figured out on my own since my whole friend group pretty much ghosted me over the past 2 years in different waves. I was the 'mother/big sister' figure of the group of my awesome friends so I was constantly the one that was helping everyone and giving out advise and listening to friends venting about others, but also advising them to talk to them once they were comfortable to do so; so they could put their 'beef' to rest.
Never did I EVER imagine that one day I would try to communicate with one of the friends about what things she was doing that was upsetting me, that would result in 3 other friends ghosting me in different periods of a 2 year span. And yes there's ALOT of more detail to this story that shows both myself and them at fault for the way things have turned out (yes I'm able to admit the things I'm aware of that I'm at fault for).
But one thing I realized was it turns out if you're the 'big sister' of the group, there's no one there to help you when you're down. Not to mention it doesn't help, when I'm the ONLY ONE that is all about communicating feelings when something has happened that would upset me. I guess in the long run I should of known better :-/
Either way, despite all this, these past 2 years has been pretty hard for me, processing this friend group break up and weirdly enough I still care a lot about these people. I really do and wish nothing but the best for them.
One of the things that has actually helped me grieve is knowing that our 'break up' was because of miscommunication and there's always a chance with time and growth that we may reunite (and yes I'm aware that there's the chance it may not happen either) later on in life. Either way that 'hope' just for some reason keeps me on track with focusing more on my growth through all of this, then the daily sadness that wraps around the thought "what did I do for them to just drop me like I never mattered to them?"
Anyways, thank you again for making this video, it really made me feel better at the fact that I'm still slowly grieving this loss, when everyone else in my life has in some way told me to "get over it" :(
I had to tell her we grew apart , my life feels different like I’m missing something , 13 year friendship , but I felt me not being able to be myself and thinking about how much she didn’t care about my feelings was enough for me to finally break and leave. I’m hurt it sucks I truly wish her the best I’m sure I’m the enemy in her version. She hates my guts rn she was sending me hurtful messages so I had to even block her. It’s hella sad even in this she doesn’t realize breakups hurt on both ends, even now she’s not holding my feelings in regard.
At least you're in a better place now. She vindicates the worst case scenario for you and you deserve better. I'm just jumping across this hurdle myself with a fellow male friend who I finally decide to let go of too.
For me, personally, I decided it's just not worth it taking the ever increasingly new negatives with the diminishing positives. I was getting the former more than I was getting more than the latter at the end anyways
you’ve had THREE friend break ups. i almost spit out my drink... i didn’t realize how many friends and people i’ve lost in my life from my bpd till rn. 😂 how in the world did you only have three friendship break ups o.o ive done dbt group three times! LOL but honestly i’m so thankful your open to teaching online. you’re such a great influence to youtube ♡
I'm so glad that Kati is back to her normal self again, I really hope you're doing good Kati, thanks for everything.
i had a horrible friend breakup earlier this year. my best friend in the entire world. poof.. gone. i had no choice in it and it was the worst i’ve ever felt. i didn’t know i had to grieve until my therapist told me i should. i had to treat it as if she died because that’s exactly what it felt like. the tip about talking to your other friends really helped me. i don’t know what i’d do without them. i’m still sad but i’m finally starting to feel like myself again. thank you for this video. it was so reassuring that things will be okay. 💗
I love the topics that youre covering, theyre very specific but enough that can actually be useful once that kind of scenario were to happen 🥰 thank you for sharing the love especially during this hard time!
Oh yay!! I am so glad :) And always happy to help :) xoxo
I don’t understand negative reviews. This is wicked advice and so well delivered. I can only assume it’s a child or someone who’s developmentally delayed.
Im checking out that slew stuff for sure!!! Thanks Kati.
I've lost a lot of friends over the years due to us not having anything in common anymore. I used to think it was my fault, but then I realized my skin was constantly shedding ☺
Best is to just shut off social media. Doesn’t matter if its a friendship break up or friends moving away, social media makes it harder for people to move on (my experiences) seeing them having fun with their lives. Before social media, it was easier to move on. When its over its over. No social media to stalk them.
Great stuff
I had a friend end a friendship because she was in love/ stuck on someone else. Because of it I lost trust in most people.
This video is exactly what I need! I ended up my friendship with my childhood best friend for 20 yrs. It sucked but I realized we all experience change and growth. Thanks for the vid Kati❤️
Great timing Katy, I just decided to cut out my closest friend and it was a really hard decision to make, I needed this
You could never understand how releaving it feels to finally find someone who understands the pains and intricacies of losing a true friend. Thank you for this video
so important and needed 💛 thank you kati!
Thank you for this video! I ended my 6 year best friendship almost 2 years ago (toxic for both of us bc we were codependent and poor communication skills) and I had a hard time finding articles/videos to validate my feelings and teach me what to do next, how to grieve. I wish this topic was just as equally validated as romantic relationship breakups. Thank you! I hope someone else can use this info to help them more so they feel less lost than I did
This could not have come at a better time for me. Thank you for always giving such excellent advice!
Of course!! So happy to help :) xoxo
The mourning aspect is important. I had all this sorrow and ugliness trapped inside, and I knew the way to get it out was by having a good cry--except I couldn't. I played a song last night that always makes me emotional. The release happened. I feel better. First major step in reclaiming my life, and moving ahead.