Below is a comment that was posted when I last uploaded this video: ‘Hi, I enjoyed your video. Although it reminded me of when I was a kid and my brother tormented me every day, insults, bullying, even attacks, the last straw was when my older brother had his friend round the house and he was showing off in front of him, he began strangling me for a joke to the point of me not being able to breath, luckily he's friend told him to stop and he did, if it wasn't for he's friend I wouldn't be here now. I hated him for a long time after that. It has traumatised me all my life, (I am now 57 years old and I still remember it to this day. I am autistic too and I know exactly how you feel.)’ And here is my response: ‘I'm sorry that you were treated so badly by your brother. I hope you have managed to develop coping strategies over the years.’
Thank you for this video! Ouch, so sorry, it hurts a lot to be wronged and invalidated by family! A few years ago, I had a family situation, I'll spare too many details. For one, my sibling made terrible and false accusations about me. Ouch!!! Some time later, a situation with my parent wasn't heading in the right direction. I tried and tried to get my sibling and the family professional to listen to me. Nope, they didn't listen. Then, the thing that I had warned about happened about a year or so later. Mostly, it was my sibling who was upset about this thing that happened. Ha! :) (By that time, I had gone no-contact with them all, for the sake of my mental/emotional well-being. Though hard to do at first, going no-contact was one of the best decisions and actions I've ever done for myself, and so I didn't engage with them or care when I was informed of "the happening".) It was great when a different family member tried to contact me for advice about "how to fix" this problem! Ha! Hell no, I didn't try to fix it, I only gave a gentle reminder that this is what I was warning about and nobody listened. And that it was my sibling's problem to fix! Ha! All of those family problems, before I went no-contact, was a significant factor that gave me burnout. It left a permanent mark, even though the raw pain is gone and I don't think about it too much.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. My brother and I had ,and have, a wonderful relationship. He has a strong sense of right and wrong, and was always fair with me. A good friend. But my boyfriend grew up with an older brother who was a terrible bully. Stealing from him. Destroying his belongings. It was not until my boyfriend had a growth spurt, and was suddenly larger and stronger than his older brother, that he began to be able to fight back. This made the situation somewhat better. The older brother has since passed away. But the trauma caused by their terrible relationship still haunts him. So sad.
Thank you for your message. I think about this episode in the video far more than I should, though it has had a massive impact on my self-esteem. That's trauma, I guess.
I did something similar to my brother when I was around 6. I stole his Hot Wheels and lied to my parents that it was a trade. My brother got in trouble for saying I stole them. At the time I didn’t feel bad, but I became a Christian at 7 and realized I had been horrible. I stopped manipulating my siblings. I also gave my whole Hot Wheels collection to my brother and apologized. I still think that was the meanest thing I have done in my life!
Trauma is trauma. It doesn’t matter what the experience was/is. Your experience is yours. I’m sorry you went through that. It is awful! My brother stole $267 from my son’s piggy bank. That was 8 years ago. It was/is traumatic. Not only did he hurt me and destroy my struts but he hurt my son. The hardest part: he says he never did it. And that I’m a horrible person for thinking he did. I no longer have a relationship with him. And that hurts.
I'm so sorry that you've been through such hurt. It's truly awful, isn't? We can't control what people who allegedly respect us do, but we can control how much they are in our lives or whether they are in our lives at all. The episode I mentioned in this video destroyed my faith in the solidity of family. It taught me that even people close to you can abuse you and then gaslight you. The pain is as raw for me as it was in 1997, and my family are oblivious. "Crazy how trauma isn't your fault but it's your responsibility to heal" - @haniellesv, Twitter/X, 8/31/24.
Sadly these kind of things stick in the mind 🙋♂️ i have been dismissed over something terrible that i went through, and then i have been able to prove to them that it did indeed happen. 🙋♂️
I'm sorry you've had to experience this. It's incredibly invalidating, isn't it? I kind of understand why most of humanity would want to ignore or casually mistreat me, but I really struggle with the idea that those who should be closest are so dismissive of my feelings and their own bad behaviour.
Ah, thievery. Plus no backing you up. Ouch. Stealing from another is somehow wicked and emotionally like spitting in their face. Because you were subsequently devalued it is wholly understandable you feel it fresh still. I had two older sisters and no brother. I knew what having an older bro could entail. Being picked on and roughed up. Didn't care. My self devised therapy was to rough up poor Teddy. My Teddy bear as my little brother. Mommy often stitching him back together. Otherwise non violent. My autistic self believed people should be nice , important to me.One summer (age 10) a group of teen boys were very not nice to me down at the creek. One would think a boy would be traumatized, but I wasn't. I am 10 assumed something boys did, I was still fresh, learning about the world. I was simply VERY Bothered that they were not being nice. Lol..Relived that in a like dream well into adulthood. It was so sureal is all. Still never had a bad,sad,mad,violated feeling. 50% of boys are not affected and 50% are, I read. For me my autism helped i am sure..one of those easy to employ logic asd's.
As logical as I like to think I am, I cannot explain away the hurt I have been feeling for 27 years in relation to the incident I describe in this video.
@@AutisticNotAlien If, your higher self can allign you with an true talented psychologist? Give that a try maybe. They are rare I think. My guy practiced like edging clients to self discovery on an issue not directing to do or not do so much. Works best. My guy was off the planet amazing. I loved that he could see what I could not. I have a concious memory of a traumatizing event, that my mind tucked away. Not so for yours as still haunts your todays. It may be the REAL powerful feelings are lingering out of reach in your concious lived experience. I was 9. Just me and Mommy at home. Mommy having a breakdown moments.. Tells me she is leaving. My fathers insanity and abusiveness too much. Me: Oh, Mommy. Don't leave me with the Monster ! I was mute with terror. Well she snapped out of that and I believed not gonna happen today or ever. All good. Only 30 years later under an rare hypnotic state with my guy. I awoke and Feeling I hated my Mom. Deep raging feeling. And my Mom is awesome. ? ? WTF? My first experience with subconcious as a valid thingy. I wasn't recalling that event I had this rage hidden but present. I was stunned that this really occurs. So maybe what you feel is just the tip of the iceburg for feelings that are dormant? Scared me as wondered what the heck else might be seated in a untouched parts of my self. My guy was amazing for real. I asked once if there is one thing that creates all behavioral health challenges. Issues, addictions. Etc. He surprised me saying Yes. One thing is Love. Not quouting hia example but basically humans are designed at the core to feel love. Whoops get borne into a world contradicting that. Can be one single event that we are denied that, no major ongoing denied. Just a day and that can and does stick with people. Subsequently has been easy for myself to correlate that with others I have known. And was the cause of my fathers stuff. Plus a practiced good provider really can see like the one tennis ball spinning amongst many balls above our heads so to speak that we cannot grab ourselves that resolves something that has been out of reach. Creepy for me even though i have zero bad feelings for Mom. I am guessing my subconcious is hating still Mommy that day. I dunno the answer. Sharing my experience with a good guy outside of the wheels spinning in my mind created profound goods for myself.
Scapegoating abuse regulates the rest of the family's (masks of) "sanity". We have intraspecies predation as a consequence of civilization itself obviating our omnivorous need to hunt. So psychopathy has never been a diagnosis because everyone's a psychopath to someone. That's what culturally designated ideological outgroups are about.
No, not "airing your dirty laundry in public" at all. Not at ALL. Getting stolen from isn't anything dirty on your part. In an oddish way, getting stolen from gives you sovereign prerogative over what you'll make of it, how you'll process it, and in what contexts you exercise your right to use it for fruitful discussion. You're not intruding on anybody else's privacy (the thief forfeited any right by first doing it, then boasting about it), and you're cutting right to the chase of an experience so intrinsic to autism: that plaguing vulnerability and incapacity to grasp the neurotypical "matrix" that perpetually identifies you as an outsider and you never ever know WHY. At least not until you discover your autism. Which is when, as you suggested, you realize that many others already knew there was "something," though they didn't know what, for a long, long time. In ways, they knew even more than you did. When you discover your autism, you're suddenly able to look back and see those who took vicious advantage of it and, if you were so lucky, those (or maybe just one) who, without really knowing why, were natural advocates, at times defenders and deflectors, and true friends. So you're really helping a lot of people, thank you.
I appreciate your comment so much - thank you, Ken. It frustrates and slightly amuses me that so many people seemed to detect that I was different and yet teachers and medical professionals were unable to do the same. The anger and pain I feel regarding the theft feels as raw as it did 27 years ago when the theft occurred. Most people would probably let it go, but it shattered my faith in family and my sense of self-worth.
@@AutisticNotAlien Yes, yes, yes, exactly. How could the bad actors have just "known" something was up with you, and capitalized on it for their own jollies, yet... the "good actors," the ones who should have nurtured you, and in vital ways WERE nurturing you... DIDN'T? Especially when, later, you find out that they, too...kinda-sorta DID. When you tell them you're autistic they say "Ah yes that really makes sense." Well, um, thanks (really) for the affirmation, but... if it "makes sense"... then...um...this is really hard to say, but... wasn't there ANYTHING you could have done earlier to attend to it, to try and, you know, find out? After all, you're admitting you kinda-sorta KNEW, aren't you? But I don't go very far down that bitter path. I try to be realistic about their utter absence of the necessary "equipment" for any such insights or motivation to "seek help." Especially at my age, since my childhood is the 60s-70s. It was just a different time. That realization releases both me and them from the burden of an anachronistically unfair expectation or resentment. They were doing the best they could with what they knew. And I do love them. Love helps. A lot.
You make an awfully cute if irritated looking woman 🤭 My son who has Aspergers ( yes I know it is no longer in fashion to use that term) will say to me, neuro untypical, will you let it go? Don't keep bringing it up! Oh if only I could, but the injustice will stay with me probably forever. Glad I am not alone. 😁
Thank you for the compliment! Yes, injustice is not something I can just let go. I need consistency, kindness, and consequences for people who only care about themselves.
Yeah, some bored to do something allistic people decided Aspie was no longer correct. Aspie's obviously posses qualities other autistics do not. I figure/hope themselves identify as aspie. In seattle paeticular companies are continually searching to hire not autistics but Aspies. Valued in that work.
@@stevenbigbee1766 You're entitled to your view, and I'm entitled to mine: I agreed with the removal of the term 'Asperger's', if only because of its link to a certain regime that came to prominence in Germany in the 1930s. You can identify as an 'Aspie' if you want, but I resent the implication (even if it wasn't your intention) that people who can work or have particular employability skills are inherently more valuable than other people who cannot work or work at a different level.
@@AutisticNotAlien i seriously doubt most anyone has a histoical knowledge of words used by germans in the 1940s. Peoples , cultures that still use the swastka symbol for tens thousands of ywars as a symbol of loving get hated on and canceled in our current attacks culture. Obviously some enjoy history so may have a historical reference for words. History is History i believe leave it to earlier time dont dredge it up to exist in the same context in a world far moved on from that. What positive does that create? Feels like the same censorship of books.
Below is a comment that was posted when I last uploaded this video:
‘Hi, I enjoyed your video. Although it reminded me of when I was a kid and my brother tormented me every day, insults, bullying, even attacks, the last straw was when my older brother had his friend round the house and he was showing off in front of him, he began strangling me for a joke to the point of me not being able to breath, luckily he's friend told him to stop and he did, if it wasn't for he's friend I wouldn't be here now. I hated him for a long time after that. It has traumatised me all my life, (I am now 57 years old and I still remember it to this day. I am autistic too and I know exactly how you feel.)’
And here is my response:
‘I'm sorry that you were treated so badly by your brother. I hope you have managed to develop coping strategies over the years.’
Thank you for this video!
Ouch, so sorry, it hurts a lot to be wronged and invalidated by family!
A few years ago, I had a family situation, I'll spare too many details.
For one, my sibling made terrible and false accusations about me. Ouch!!!
Some time later, a situation with my parent wasn't heading in the right direction.
I tried and tried to get my sibling and the family professional to listen to me.
Nope, they didn't listen.
Then, the thing that I had warned about happened about a year or so later.
Mostly, it was my sibling who was upset about this thing that happened. Ha! :)
(By that time, I had gone no-contact with them all, for the sake of my mental/emotional well-being.
Though hard to do at first, going no-contact was one of the best decisions and actions I've ever done for myself, and so I didn't engage with them or care when I was informed of "the happening".)
It was great when a different family member tried to contact me for advice about "how to fix" this problem! Ha!
Hell no, I didn't try to fix it, I only gave a gentle reminder that this is what I was warning about and nobody listened.
And that it was my sibling's problem to fix! Ha!
All of those family problems, before I went no-contact, was a significant factor that gave me burnout.
It left a permanent mark, even though the raw pain is gone and I don't think about it too much.
I'm very sorry you have experienced such difficult times. I've accepted that I'll never completely erase family-based trauma. It sucks.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. My brother and I had ,and have, a wonderful relationship. He has a strong sense of right and wrong, and was always fair with me. A good friend. But my boyfriend grew up with an older brother who was a terrible bully. Stealing from him. Destroying his belongings. It was not until my boyfriend had a growth spurt, and was suddenly larger and stronger than his older brother, that he began to be able to fight back. This made the situation somewhat better. The older brother has since passed away. But the trauma caused by their terrible relationship still haunts him. So sad.
Thank you for your message. I think about this episode in the video far more than I should, though it has had a massive impact on my self-esteem. That's trauma, I guess.
I did something similar to my brother when I was around 6. I stole his Hot Wheels and lied to my parents that it was a trade. My brother got in trouble for saying I stole them. At the time I didn’t feel bad, but I became a Christian at 7 and realized I had been horrible. I stopped manipulating my siblings. I also gave my whole Hot Wheels collection to my brother and apologized. I still think that was the meanest thing I have done in my life!
At least you apologised and made amends. I'm still waiting for my apology 28 years later.
Trauma is trauma. It doesn’t matter what the experience was/is. Your experience is yours. I’m sorry you went through that. It is awful! My brother stole $267 from my son’s piggy bank. That was 8 years ago. It was/is traumatic. Not only did he hurt me and destroy my struts but he hurt my son. The hardest part: he says he never did it. And that I’m a horrible person for thinking he did. I no longer have a relationship with him. And that hurts.
I'm so sorry that you've been through such hurt. It's truly awful, isn't? We can't control what people who allegedly respect us do, but we can control how much they are in our lives or whether they are in our lives at all. The episode I mentioned in this video destroyed my faith in the solidity of family. It taught me that even people close to you can abuse you and then gaslight you. The pain is as raw for me as it was in 1997, and my family are oblivious. "Crazy how trauma isn't your fault but it's your responsibility to heal" - @haniellesv, Twitter/X, 8/31/24.
Sadly these kind of things stick in the mind 🙋♂️ i have been dismissed over something terrible that i went through, and then i have been able to prove to them that it did indeed happen. 🙋♂️
I'm sorry you've had to experience this. It's incredibly invalidating, isn't it? I kind of understand why most of humanity would want to ignore or casually mistreat me, but I really struggle with the idea that those who should be closest are so dismissive of my feelings and their own bad behaviour.
Totally agree🙋♂️@@AutisticNotAlien
Ah, thievery. Plus no backing you up. Ouch. Stealing from another is somehow wicked and emotionally like spitting in their face. Because you were subsequently devalued it is wholly understandable you feel it fresh still. I had two older sisters and no brother. I knew what having an older bro could entail. Being picked on and roughed up. Didn't care. My self devised therapy was to rough up poor Teddy. My Teddy bear as my little brother. Mommy often stitching him back together. Otherwise non violent. My autistic self believed people should be nice , important to me.One summer (age 10) a group of teen boys were very not nice to me down at the creek. One would think a boy would be traumatized, but I wasn't. I am 10 assumed something boys did, I was still fresh, learning about the world. I was simply VERY Bothered that they were not being nice. Lol..Relived that in a like dream well into adulthood. It was so sureal is all. Still never had a bad,sad,mad,violated feeling. 50% of boys are not affected and 50% are, I read. For me my autism helped i am sure..one of those easy to employ logic asd's.
As logical as I like to think I am, I cannot explain away the hurt I have been feeling for 27 years in relation to the incident I describe in this video.
@@AutisticNotAlien If, your higher self can allign you with an true talented psychologist? Give that a try maybe. They are rare I think. My guy practiced like edging clients to self discovery on an issue not directing to do or not do so much. Works best. My guy was off the planet amazing. I loved that he could see what I could not. I have a concious memory of a traumatizing event, that my mind tucked away. Not so for yours as still haunts your todays. It may be the REAL powerful feelings are lingering out of reach in your concious lived experience. I was 9. Just me and Mommy at home. Mommy having a breakdown moments.. Tells me she is leaving. My fathers insanity and abusiveness too much. Me: Oh, Mommy. Don't leave me with the Monster ! I was mute with terror. Well she snapped out of that and I believed not gonna happen today or ever. All good. Only 30 years later under an rare hypnotic state with my guy. I awoke and Feeling I hated my Mom. Deep raging feeling. And my Mom is awesome. ? ? WTF? My first experience with subconcious as a valid thingy. I wasn't recalling that event I had this rage hidden but present. I was stunned that this really occurs. So maybe what you feel is just the tip of the iceburg for feelings that are dormant? Scared me as wondered what the heck else might be seated in a untouched parts of my self. My guy was amazing for real. I asked once if there is one thing that creates all behavioral health challenges. Issues, addictions. Etc. He surprised me saying Yes. One thing is Love. Not quouting hia example but basically humans are designed at the core to feel love. Whoops get borne into a world contradicting that. Can be one single event that we are denied that, no major ongoing denied. Just a day and that can and does stick with people. Subsequently has been easy for myself to correlate that with others I have known. And was the cause of my fathers stuff. Plus a practiced good provider really can see like the one tennis ball spinning amongst many balls above our heads so to speak that we cannot grab ourselves that resolves something that has been out of reach. Creepy for me even though i have zero bad feelings for Mom. I am guessing my subconcious is hating still Mommy that day. I dunno the answer. Sharing my experience with a good guy outside of the wheels spinning in my mind created profound goods for myself.
Scapegoating abuse regulates the rest of the family's (masks of) "sanity". We have intraspecies predation as a consequence of civilization itself obviating our omnivorous need to hunt. So psychopathy has never been a diagnosis because everyone's a psychopath to someone. That's what culturally designated ideological outgroups are about.
Thanks for commenting. Food for thought. (Confession: I've read your comment several times and I'm still chewing it over...)
No, not "airing your dirty laundry in public" at all. Not at ALL. Getting stolen from isn't anything dirty on your part. In an oddish way, getting stolen from gives you sovereign prerogative over what you'll make of it, how you'll process it, and in what contexts you exercise your right to use it for fruitful discussion. You're not intruding on anybody else's privacy (the thief forfeited any right by first doing it, then boasting about it), and you're cutting right to the chase of an experience so intrinsic to autism: that plaguing vulnerability and incapacity to grasp the neurotypical "matrix" that perpetually identifies you as an outsider and you never ever know WHY. At least not until you discover your autism. Which is when, as you suggested, you realize that many others already knew there was "something," though they didn't know what, for a long, long time. In ways, they knew even more than you did. When you discover your autism, you're suddenly able to look back and see those who took vicious advantage of it and, if you were so lucky, those (or maybe just one) who, without really knowing why, were natural advocates, at times defenders and deflectors, and true friends. So you're really helping a lot of people, thank you.
I appreciate your comment so much - thank you, Ken. It frustrates and slightly amuses me that so many people seemed to detect that I was different and yet teachers and medical professionals were unable to do the same. The anger and pain I feel regarding the theft feels as raw as it did 27 years ago when the theft occurred. Most people would probably let it go, but it shattered my faith in family and my sense of self-worth.
@@AutisticNotAlien Yes, yes, yes, exactly. How could the bad actors have just "known" something was up with you, and capitalized on it for their own jollies, yet... the "good actors," the ones who should have nurtured you, and in vital ways WERE nurturing you... DIDN'T? Especially when, later, you find out that they, too...kinda-sorta DID.
When you tell them you're autistic they say "Ah yes that really makes sense." Well, um, thanks (really) for the affirmation, but... if it "makes sense"... then...um...this is really hard to say, but... wasn't there ANYTHING you could have done earlier to attend to it, to try and, you know, find out? After all, you're admitting you kinda-sorta KNEW, aren't you?
But I don't go very far down that bitter path. I try to be realistic about their utter absence of the necessary "equipment" for any such insights or motivation to "seek help." Especially at my age, since my childhood is the 60s-70s. It was just a different time. That realization releases both me and them from the burden of an anachronistically unfair expectation or resentment. They were doing the best they could with what they knew. And I do love them. Love helps. A lot.
RUclips isn't suggesting your other videos as the next video to watch... well not yet anyway.
Ah, algorithms...:)
You make an awfully cute if irritated looking woman 🤭 My son who has Aspergers ( yes I know it is no longer in fashion to use that term) will say to me, neuro untypical, will you let it go? Don't keep bringing it up!
Oh if only I could, but the injustice will stay with me probably forever. Glad I am not alone. 😁
Thank you for the compliment! Yes, injustice is not something I can just let go. I need consistency, kindness, and consequences for people who only care about themselves.
Yeah, some bored to do something allistic people decided Aspie was no longer correct. Aspie's obviously posses qualities other autistics do not. I figure/hope themselves identify as aspie. In seattle paeticular companies are continually searching to hire not autistics but Aspies. Valued in that work.
@@stevenbigbee1766 You're entitled to your view, and I'm entitled to mine: I agreed with the removal of the term 'Asperger's', if only because of its link to a certain regime that came to prominence in Germany in the 1930s. You can identify as an 'Aspie' if you want, but I resent the implication (even if it wasn't your intention) that people who can work or have particular employability skills are inherently more valuable than other people who cannot work or work at a different level.
@@AutisticNotAlien i seriously doubt most anyone has a histoical knowledge of words used by germans in the 1940s. Peoples , cultures that still use the swastka symbol for tens thousands of ywars as a symbol of loving get hated on and canceled in our current attacks culture. Obviously some enjoy history so may have a historical reference for words. History is History i believe leave it to earlier time dont dredge it up to exist in the same context in a world far moved on from that. What positive does that create? Feels like the same censorship of books.