The fact that you say “if I missed your question I’m sorry.” Not a single person that MANY of us have been in a relationship with can even say that. You helped me understand = faster healing. Thank you for being you. This is complex and traumatic. Thanks for sharing your personal story. You don’t need the paperwork to understand it. You need empathy and personal experiences to understand what happened and to be able to genuinely help others. You are healing THOUSANDS of people!!! Thanks David! I appreciate you brother! Jess P St Peters MO
27:10 the compassion is vital. Compassion and sympathy are 2 very different things. It’s often those who appeal to sympathy yet show none for others in the same situation who are the cluster b’s🐝 There are many people with cluster b traits or even disorders who don’t hurt others. It’s often those who demand sympathy who don’t understand compassion.
Thanks for touching on my comment at 20:38mins. I do have to laugh looking back at all the major red flags of her. What was I thinking. You're 100% correct it's about how it makes us feel when around these types of people. The day I finally decided to walk away was the day she yet again stormed off as I didn't hold her hand in a shop, her whole attitude just made me feel uncomfortable including making me feel uncomfortable in my own home and that's a major no no, and even now after a few weeks of having not seen her I still feel all icky from it. She was so arrogant, highly opinionated and acted like she knew more than everyone else including doctors, highly critical, hated the world and how it wasn't fair and of course all her exes were narcs including her own mother etc. I just walked away as there is no point talking and explaining to people like that. Of course I will be described as a narc or something but in reality I saw the warning signs and ran for the hills. God help the next victim. You're so right when you say about never mind her actions after 2 weeks or so, imagine how awful it would be after two years.
Thankyou for taking the time to reply David to my question from last week...thats really appreciated. Good point on filling voids, certainly initially.....sure I'm pursuing interests that involve expression and freedom in music. "How does it make you feel?" ...good observation...that makes me look at it from a different angle. Thanks again. Doug. Lagos.
from south africa How can I accept that my mom cares more about my dad's image and allowing him to abuse me that my life? How do I stop people from arguing with me in my head? I have tried everything, and it doesn't work.
Ohio here! Hello, David! I often found myself saying to my husband” Just Who do you think you are?” after he berated someone or acted like a jerk or as.hole. He would look at me bewildered! How can they be so arrogant? Your Q&A’s are really appreciated! Thank you!😎❤️
I literally think that they won’t self reflect for the mere reason because of the hatred for the other person and always trying to be better than them and hide that they are not. They get angry at the other person for something that they did themselves
Hi from Sacramento. When people step up to the acknowledgment plate of acceptance to their own dysfunction and take that next step of healing you just empowered yourself. You know that you didn’t damage yourself and everyone knows it takes time to reverse that damage, what wonderful thing you just did for yourself. Great things are coming your way such as freedom from all that toxic hurt you were put through. It’s important to understand that the person who helped traumatized you is a hurt individual that you had nothing to do with so letting go of anger towards that person is important in healing journey. The feeling of empowerment is such a wonderful feeling. I have good days and bad days, moving forward every day with small steps and we’re gona there 👍👍🥰🤗😁
Hi David, healing family from California here. Thank u for all ur thoughts. They give me comfort and just makes me feel better overall always❤️. Here is another weird/creepy thing my ex fiancé would do frequently. Out of nowhere, if it was us two alone, he would try to mess with my mind I believe. He would tell me, “ What if this isn’t reality and ur really not who u r. What if u think ur really here and ur not, what if this is just a dream and u think ur sitting here and ur really not, what if ur person is just a pretend person and it’s not u, etc” I would reply to him in a calm way saying “ur trying to mess with my mind when it’s really u. I’m strong minded and know who I am and I know I’m here. It’s u, that is probably the person that is not here going crazy trying to make me feel crazy, but right back at u cuz I’m strong minded and I know who I am….. What r ur thought?
Tahts what i was thinking as reading what you wrote. I think these are things he thinks about and wants to make you feel they way these thoughts make him feel. I think he enjoys attempting to look intelligent by asking philosophical questions.
@emilemerten6535 Likely. But for example, I appreciate Sam Vaknin’s genius, but if you listen to him a lot you’ll think possibly everyone around you including yourself might have all cluster b personality disorders at the same time.
With some self awareness one will not believe they have a personality disorder. Even if you can identify with a couple traits, you need a specific criteria and it must be pervasive and a pattern. They are spectrums maybe we are all on but there is a distinct criteria for each disorder and most people do not have these traits.
Thank you for answering my question David. Yes, I understand that I now have to have self compassion and he needs to get help. Nevertheless, he is out of my life and I am free. Many thanks again for everything you do 🧿
Hello, David! Ohio here! Sorry you had computer troubles! So glad I don’t own one! Thank you for another great Q&A Monday! Happy you’re getting lots more questions! I always learn from them! Have a great night! 😎❤️
Hi David 🙂 Mercedes from Maine. Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. Your input is very much appreciated. My question for you today is, are you looking forward to the upcoming fall weather? 🍁🍂🍃
Parents need to monitor kids and dogs. Dogs will be aggressive if treated poorly. Kids sometimes don’t know what is too much for a dog. Children need to be taught to be appropriate with dogs. That is not “putting the dog first.”
Hi David, I just watched a video where you listed what you believe are the 10 worst personality traits, and you said all of those traits put someone in the range of narcissistic / ASPD. These traits seem to broadly apply to the world around the disordered person, but what about when they have ONE target, like an ex? I'm the ex, and my kids' father has been trying to take me down for 10 years. His hate has not lessened. He was easy going and non-confrontational when we were together, but he was lazy and selfish. When I left, he started doing drugs (still does) and lost all of his friends of 20+ years. His job allows him to turn lazy and selfish into a lifestyle. He hates the group of ppl he works around but no one knows and he gets along with them fine. I'm the only one he directs this seething hate at, but he won't get caught doing it, he won't lose his cool. He's often passive-aggressive but in the most shocking and twisted ways. The only other people he hurts are his kids, but he's not even thinking about them, he's just using them as a tool to hurt me. Oh, and sometimes he's delusional, thinking I'm part of the Mafia and shit. For real. The most accurate thing I've found to describe this is Bill Eddy's construct of the High Conflict Personality, and boy is it accurate. Is there a place for this kind of person in the DSM or ICD? If not, should there be? Do you know this type? Please don't hold back. I know how bad this is. I live it. You're not going to freak me out. Knowledge is power. Sometimes the only thing that's comforting is sitting back and thinking, "I know what you are..." Thank you.
Hello Jennifer. Thank you for your question. I cant diagnose him and you haven't said enough anyway. He could have any mental illness and still do what goes doing. I will explain more today but anyone with any disorder can act this way. Him being delusional and so vengeful he may have BPD or NPD.
Hello from Penrose Colorado.When you hear about someone going to a temple in the mountains To work on themselves ( like a monk) are they working on their own narcissism?I was thinking about Cat Stevens when I asked this.He gave up everything to go work on himself.
Yeah its about dropping the ego and self discovery but I dont believe its necessary, a little extreme. Retreating and being with yourself is great and healthy but we truly know who we are when with others.
from south africa When I talked to a psychologist a long time ago my mom turned him against me and they talked to each other behind my back. He kept saying everything was my fault and that I should kill myself and blamed me for my parents abusing me. He said my mom looks so nice so he won't believe that she was abusing me so it has to be me that is abusing her so the harder I tried to convince him that my parents are abusing me and lying to him the less he cared and he would act like he was yawning and smile at me like we wasn't even listening to what I was saying. I would also talk to a psychiatrist and the psychologist would make up things about me because my mom would keep lying to him and when I got there he would keep blaming me and say why did I buy a farm and why am I keeping my mom there and my dad was still living in a house in cape town, and that I cared more about money than I cared about my mom. And that I bought the farm and is somehow abusing my mom. it was all lies, my mom used money to manipulate me and keep me from getting help my whole life, even though my parents has so much money. my parents bought the farm and all of us were staying there, she manipulated him in believing that we were still living in a house, he saw the farm we were staying on wirh his own eyes but saying we aren't staying on a farm and we were staying in a house in cape town because that was what my mom was lying to him about.He kept saying that my mom looked so nice and she wouldn't be able to do anything wrong, his mom probably died and he was projecting. had to fight with my mom so that she just alowed me to see a psychologist in the first place.It keeps replaying in my mind over and over again and I will do anything to make it stop.
Victoria from the bay area , have you heard of Cocoa the gorilla that was Taught sign language She was given a kitten and after a while she started to teach the kitten sign language very interesting. documentary She was able to tell the lady how her babies were killed by hunters.We could learn so much from her.Unfortunately , sheit's the way Do you have an opinion on this experiment
@@victoriamuniz9851 I hear ya! Sometime information overload!! Sometimes nice to watch new things! Just watched a few shorts about the gorilla! Very interesting!😎❤️
@@victoriamuniz9851 Wouldn’t that be cool! Who’s that guy commenting about making so much money a week? He has so many commenting on his post! Wonder if I can make that much couponing? Lol! 😂
Hi David, why do they talk so much! I say they, I can't really put a name to the disorder, bpd maybe, but, forever on the phone talking to work, arranging, making decisions for who's doing what! On the other hand ,I'm tired just listening I get overwhelmed and want to with draw
They believe they're never heard. Also a sign of trauma. Rose, I have someone that would liek to offer you some kind of help. Are you open to this? You can contact me for more information and ask me anything. Someone there is the UK has offered to give you a little help if you feel you need it.
Hey david i think you missed my question last week no worries, It's Ben from florida again. Thank you for answering my last question. At my current job my boss who is the owner of the company has started to take a special intrests in me due to us having similar intrests she is married and will text me while i am not at work and we talk about non work topics she has invited me to church with her and her husband i went due to me feeling obligated after she gave me money knowing iam in a really bad finacial situation. I just feel really uncomfortable about all of this. It's not romantic by any means, but the text messages and off work text messages just seem weird . Any advice would be welcome. Thank you, david. I just constantly encounter married women who passively show an inappropriate interest in me ..
Hi Ben, I realized I missed your question right after I finished the video. I saw it and I still have it and will answer it first today. I'm sorry and thank you for telling me and being so patient!
The fact that you say “if I missed your question I’m sorry.” Not a single person that MANY of us have been in a relationship with can even say that. You helped me understand = faster healing. Thank you for being you. This is complex and traumatic. Thanks for sharing your personal story. You don’t need the paperwork to understand it. You need empathy and personal experiences to understand what happened and to be able to genuinely help others. You are healing THOUSANDS of people!!! Thanks David! I appreciate you brother!
Jess P St Peters MO
Thats really nice of you to say and to take your time, thank you Jess.
I learnt how to sew clothes for myself to fill my void, very gratifying
Pursuing interests is so healthy.
27:10 the compassion is vital.
Compassion and sympathy are 2 very different things.
It’s often those who appeal to sympathy yet show none for others in the same situation who are the cluster b’s🐝
There are many people with cluster b traits or even disorders who don’t hurt others. It’s often those who demand sympathy who don’t understand compassion.
Thanks for touching on my comment at 20:38mins. I do have to laugh looking back at all the major red flags of her. What was I thinking. You're 100% correct it's about how it makes us feel when around these types of people. The day I finally decided to walk away was the day she yet again stormed off as I didn't hold her hand in a shop, her whole attitude just made me feel uncomfortable including making me feel uncomfortable in my own home and that's a major no no, and even now after a few weeks of having not seen her I still feel all icky from it. She was so arrogant, highly opinionated and acted like she knew more than everyone else including doctors, highly critical, hated the world and how it wasn't fair and of course all her exes were narcs including her own mother etc. I just walked away as there is no point talking and explaining to people like that. Of course I will be described as a narc or something but in reality I saw the warning signs and ran for the hills. God help the next victim. You're so right when you say about never mind her actions after 2 weeks or so, imagine how awful it would be after two years.
Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are recovered or recovering well.
Thankyou for taking the time to reply David to my question from last week...thats really appreciated. Good point on filling voids, certainly initially.....sure I'm pursuing interests that involve expression and freedom in music. "How does it make you feel?" ...good observation...that makes me look at it from a different angle.
Thanks again.
Doug. Lagos.
Thats good to hear and thank you for telling me Doug.
from south africa
How can I accept that my mom cares more about my dad's image and allowing him to abuse me that my life?
How do I stop people from arguing with me in my head? I have tried everything, and it doesn't work.
Ohio here! Hello, David! I often found myself saying to my husband” Just Who do you think you are?” after he berated someone or acted like a jerk or as.hole. He would look at me bewildered! How can they be so arrogant? Your Q&A’s are really appreciated! Thank you!😎❤️
Because they're never questioned like you did and they never question themselves. Thank you Rory, I really appreciate all your questions.
Thanks David!
Thank you!
I literally think that they won’t self reflect for the mere reason because of the hatred for the other person and always trying to be better than them and hide that they are not. They get angry at the other person for something that they did themselves
Hi from Sacramento. When people step up to the acknowledgment plate of acceptance to their own dysfunction and take that next step of healing you just empowered yourself. You know that you didn’t damage yourself and everyone knows it takes time to reverse that damage, what wonderful thing you just did for yourself. Great things are coming your way such as freedom from all that toxic hurt you were put through. It’s important to understand that the person who helped traumatized you is a hurt individual that you had nothing to do with so letting go of anger towards that person is important in healing journey. The feeling of empowerment is such a wonderful feeling. I have good days and bad days, moving forward every day with small steps and we’re gona there 👍👍🥰🤗😁
Thank you Ali, great words for everyone healing frorm something.
Hi David, healing family from California here. Thank u for all ur thoughts. They give me comfort and just makes me feel better overall always❤️. Here is another weird/creepy thing my ex fiancé would do frequently. Out of nowhere, if it was us two alone, he would try to mess with my mind I believe. He would tell me, “ What if this isn’t reality and ur really not who u r. What if u think ur really here and ur not, what if this is just a dream and u think ur sitting here and ur really not, what if ur person is just a pretend person and it’s not u, etc”
I would reply to him in a calm way saying “ur trying to mess with my mind when it’s really u. I’m strong minded and know who I am and I know I’m here. It’s u, that is probably the person that is not here going crazy trying to make me feel crazy, but right back at u cuz I’m strong minded and I know who I am…..
What r ur thought?
Tahts what i was thinking as reading what you wrote. I think these are things he thinks about and wants to make you feel they way these thoughts make him feel. I think he enjoys attempting to look intelligent by asking philosophical questions.
If someone read the DSM V they will think they have almost all disorders. That's what I was told.
Does the person have anxiety?
@emilemerten6535
Likely. But for example, I appreciate Sam Vaknin’s genius, but if you listen to him a lot you’ll think possibly everyone around you including yourself might have all cluster b personality disorders at the same time.
With some self awareness one will not believe they have a personality disorder. Even if you can identify with a couple traits, you need a specific criteria and it must be pervasive and a pattern. They are spectrums maybe we are all on but there is a distinct criteria for each disorder and most people do not have these traits.
Thank you for answering my question David. Yes, I understand that I now have to have self compassion and he needs to get help. Nevertheless, he is out of my life and I am free. Many thanks again for everything you do 🧿
Thats really good and thank you!
Hello, David! Ohio here! Sorry you had computer troubles! So glad I don’t own one! Thank you for another great Q&A Monday! Happy you’re getting lots more questions! I always learn from them! Have a great night! 😎❤️
Thank you Rory, thanks for your great questions always too!
🤗❤️🌞Hugs from Georgia
Hello Cindy!😎❤️
@@rorywright5692 hi. Have a wonderful day. 🤗❤️🌞
@@cindyc You too!😎❤️
Hello Cindy!
Hi David 🙂
Mercedes from Maine. Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. Your input is very much appreciated. My question for you today is, are you looking forward to the upcoming fall weather? 🍁🍂🍃
Hello and thank you very much. I do not like cold and winter and fall is just a small step away.
Parents need to monitor kids and dogs. Dogs will be aggressive if treated poorly. Kids sometimes don’t know what is too much for a dog. Children need to be taught to be appropriate with dogs. That is not “putting the dog first.”
Hi David, I just watched a video where you listed what you believe are the 10 worst personality traits, and you said all of those traits put someone in the range of narcissistic / ASPD. These traits seem to broadly apply to the world around the disordered person, but what about when they have ONE target, like an ex?
I'm the ex, and my kids' father has been trying to take me down for 10 years. His hate has not lessened. He was easy going and non-confrontational when we were together, but he was lazy and selfish. When I left, he started doing drugs (still does) and lost all of his friends of 20+ years. His job allows him to turn lazy and selfish into a lifestyle. He hates the group of ppl he works around but no one knows and he gets along with them fine. I'm the only one he directs this seething hate at, but he won't get caught doing it, he won't lose his cool. He's often passive-aggressive but in the most shocking and twisted ways. The only other people he hurts are his kids, but he's not even thinking about them, he's just using them as a tool to hurt me. Oh, and sometimes he's delusional, thinking I'm part of the Mafia and shit. For real.
The most accurate thing I've found to describe this is Bill Eddy's construct of the High Conflict Personality, and boy is it accurate. Is there a place for this kind of person in the DSM or ICD? If not, should there be? Do you know this type? Please don't hold back. I know how bad this is. I live it. You're not going to freak me out. Knowledge is power. Sometimes the only thing that's comforting is sitting back and thinking, "I know what you are..."
Thank you.
Hello Jennifer. Thank you for your question. I cant diagnose him and you haven't said enough anyway. He could have any mental illness and still do what goes doing. I will explain more today but anyone with any disorder can act this way. Him being delusional and so vengeful he may have BPD or NPD.
Hello from Penrose Colorado.When you hear about someone going to a temple in the mountains To work on themselves ( like a monk) are they working on their own narcissism?I was thinking about Cat Stevens when I asked this.He gave up everything to go work on himself.
Yeah its about dropping the ego and self discovery but I dont believe its necessary, a little extreme. Retreating and being with yourself is great and healthy but we truly know who we are when with others.
@@daviddemars I'm a hermit.I know you're right . Thank you for your honest and really thought reply.Have a great day.
from south africa
When I talked to a psychologist a long time ago my mom turned him against me and they talked to each other behind my back. He kept saying everything was my fault and that I should kill myself and blamed me for my parents abusing me. He said my mom looks so nice so he won't believe that she was abusing me so it has to be me that is abusing her so the harder I tried to convince him that my parents are abusing me and lying to him the less he cared and he would act like he was yawning and smile at me like we wasn't even listening to what I was saying. I would also talk to a psychiatrist and the psychologist would make up things about me because my mom would keep lying to him and when I got there he would keep blaming me and say why did I buy a farm and why am I keeping my mom there and my dad was still living in a house in cape town, and that I cared more about money than I cared about my mom. And that I bought the farm and is somehow abusing my mom. it was all lies, my mom used money to manipulate me and keep me from getting help my whole life, even though my parents has so much money. my parents bought the farm and all of us were staying there, she manipulated him in believing that we were still living in a house, he saw the farm we were staying on wirh his own eyes but saying we aren't staying on a farm and we were staying in a house in cape town because that was what my mom was lying to him about.He kept saying that my mom looked so nice and she wouldn't be able to do anything wrong, his mom probably died and he was projecting. had to fight with my mom so that she just alowed me to see a psychologist in the first place.It keeps replaying in my mind over and over again and I will do anything to make it stop.
Thats an awful experience, I'm sorry Emile. He is a toxic professional that only cares about money and is abusive himself.
@daviddemars Thank you David for pointing it out, I really appreciate it and thank you for making your videos.
They enjoy scaring animals
And that's not bpd people, I'm talking about Narcissist/sociopaths
@@Rebelconformist82Even harming them as children.
@@daviddemars yes, I've heard about that. The kid is who used to pull the legs off the daddy longlegs at school
Do people with BPD often live in poverty?
Thats a good question Stephanie. I would say yes. So many homeless have the disorder, so many drug addicts too.
How do I stop people from talking to me in my head, it feels like im going crazy, it feels like it is inside my head and it doesn't want to leave.
I'm sorry Emile. I would see a mental health professional.
Victoria from the bay area , have you heard of Cocoa the gorilla that was Taught sign language She was given a kitten and after a while she started to teach the kitten sign language very interesting.
documentary She was able to tell the lady how her babies were killed by hunters.We could learn so much from her.Unfortunately , sheit's the way Do you have an opinion on this experiment
Hey, Victoria! Sounds interesting! Will look it up! 😎❤️
Hey Rory I had to switch my RUclips time to positive videos.I know.Way too much about p daddy's then I want to l o l hope you're having a blessed day
I'm patiently waiting for david To put out a youtube documentary All about his life
@@victoriamuniz9851 I hear ya! Sometime information overload!! Sometimes nice to watch new things! Just watched a few shorts about the gorilla! Very interesting!😎❤️
@@victoriamuniz9851 Wouldn’t that be cool! Who’s that guy commenting about making so much money a week? He has so many commenting on his post! Wonder if I can make that much couponing? Lol! 😂
Hi David, why do they talk so much! I say they, I can't really put a name to the disorder, bpd maybe, but, forever on the phone talking to work, arranging, making decisions for who's doing what! On the other hand ,I'm tired just listening I get overwhelmed and want to with draw
They believe they're never heard. Also a sign of trauma. Rose, I have someone that would liek to offer you some kind of help. Are you open to this? You can contact me for more information and ask me anything. Someone there is the UK has offered to give you a little help if you feel you need it.
Hey david i think you missed my question last week no worries, It's Ben from florida again. Thank you for answering my last question. At my current job my boss who is the owner of the company has started to take a special intrests in me due to us having similar intrests she is married and will text me while i am not at work and we talk about non work topics she has invited me to church with her and her husband i went due to me feeling obligated after she gave me money knowing iam in a really bad finacial situation. I just feel really uncomfortable about all of this. It's not romantic by any means, but the text messages and off work text messages just seem weird . Any advice would be welcome. Thank you, david. I just constantly encounter married women who passively show an inappropriate interest in me ..
Hi Ben, I realized I missed your question right after I finished the video. I saw it and I still have it and will answer it first today. I'm sorry and thank you for telling me and being so patient!
Thank you, david, and no worries @daviddemars