Let us know what's worked (or what hasn't) for you with managing overwhelm! Do you notice any of the same signs of overwhelm coming? And 🚨 get your free download HERE: chrisanddebby.mykajabi.com/pl/2148575368
Thank You for the insightful content! PEA aka Palmitoylethanolamide has been wonderful in all ASD aspects. Experiences with this supplement? Recommended!
My biggest signs of overwhelm are exhaustion and struggling with words. When I struggle with words, I need to take a step back and figure out what is disregulating me, and take the needed steps to get to a better place.
Yes! That's a really good sign too. I find that I hide that by just not talking, but you're right that it often is because I'm struggling so much. Thanks for sharing this
When I am having a break down myself I dont struggle with the words I want to say, I just physically cant speak. But that's when yk it all comes to a head which is of course different from overwhelm itself.
@@CricketGirrl I think some people use a beforehand written paper that they can struggle with words when overwhelmed. It may help with healthcare professionals, sometimes that you at least don't start suspecting that being non-verbal is a sign of something else. I haven't ever been struggling *that* badly, but I do say sometimes that I am loosing my words, to get more time to search for them.
Some of the signs I'm getting overwhelmed are that I cannot stand even small sources of skin irritation, such as mosquito bites, hair getting in my face or bits of dirt stuck to my feet. My skin just becomes crazy sensitive. Sounds start to bother me more than usual as well. If I start picking at my skin, I know it's getting bad. I'll usually put in my ear plugs, get a fidget and retreat to my meltdown corner. I have a basket of items there to help me calm down, that way I don't have to go looking for stuff when I'm overwhelmed already. Sometimes I'll watch something silly or comforting to distract me. It's frustrating, since it feels like I am not in control of my body. But it also feels like a really loving thing to do for myself instead of letting it get to the point of full on meltdown. Thank you both for all the awesome information you share here! I'm learning so much! Debby, you are such a kind, beautiful soul! As an autistic person who hasn't often been shown that kind of understanding, consideration and gentleness, it's really healing to see it. I imagine a lot of other folks here haven't experienced it either and it's really helpful to see someone model the kind of treatment we deserve from the people close to us.
My adult autistic son will come to me when he needs a body double to help with initiating tasks that need a lot of executive functioning. I’m always honored to be there for him ❤
What do you mean “body double” for initiating tasks? Getting the ball moving, so to speak, is my biggest challenge. And the frustrating part is, it feels like I can only helplessly watch myself being “stuck” 🫨
@@MidMo4020 body doubling for us means that we have a time we agree on, we are in the same room working on our own projects. It’s easier for my son to initiate and stay focused when we are working together but separately. I suppose it would also work over zoom too.
@@michellemees8286 I see!! And you’re soooo right! My sense of urgency is directly proportional to general vibe. So you’re saying for him to just be with people who are in work “mode” at work time, helps to light his fire. Makes sense. If I have all day to get something done.. it’ll take all day. And just initiating is the hardest part. Great advice!! THANK YOU!! 😊
As long as I am not sat by someone that enjoys their death sticks... it tends to be okay... but, no, today, some lady thought talking on speaker was the right choice. :( My first thought is she (and those like her) are prolly those types that hate privacy and accept all the cookies. Likely part of why I blacked out when I got home.
Before I learned that I was autistic, I knew that I would have days where I would not be able to think straight. I sometimes couldn't even process sentences being spoken to me effectively, much less articulate a response. I knew it was related to stress, but I didn't fully understand how or why it happened. When I'm in such a state now, where I'm essentially non-verbal, my wife and I use a system for me to tell her, so she doesn't get so frustrated trying to communicate with me when I'm unable to do so. After watching Guardians of the Galaxy, with the scene between Rocket and Groot being unable to communicate effectively while Rocket was trying and failing to communicate simple instructions to Groot, we both could relate far too easily to the situation. So now I just tell her, "I am Groot," which means that having a conversation with me right now is pointless, and it would be best for this conversation to wait until later if possible.
@@5avan10 Brilliant !!! Loved that movie my favorite was I am Groot. I said that for weeks after it. I think I tried it in your application, unknowingly, if that makes sense, but because I didn’t know -at the time- I’m autistic. Maybe I’ll try it with my wife now with her on board.
Wish I had a Debbie. Diagnosed with adhd 20 years ago and autism last year after seeing how my sons shared adhd traits were actually autism. Trying to parent, advocate and organise and support my teen son while also needing support and advocacy is soooo hard. Baby steps. I’m in Australia and I’ve just qualified for funded supports - thank you NDIS - and I’m overcoming my selective mutism while trying to communicate how I need help. It’s so exhausting. I play video games to escape or stare into space from my couch if even too exhausted for video game escapism. I’ve just bought your recommended book. Love this channel. Easy to watch, not too long, not too triggering. You guys rock!
My situation is quite similar and my heart goes to you!!! Yes it’s a crazy ride but at least now we know, we can start to adapt our lives to us and not the opposite. And hopefully help bring an easier life for our kids than we experienced😊 But mostly don’t forget that accommodating yrself also means a more capable parent for yr kid! I need to see it like that in order to allow self care but we deserve it too.😊 Lots of love and courage to you two!!!
Pretty much for me. An appointment can be handled with notice and preparation. Pretty much an appointment ends up being the only thing accomplished for that day. I cannot emphasize enough that medical appointments are a particular risk. This is because the place that should be most accommodating, isn't . The degree of ignorance in the medical community is horrifying. It is a place where the goals in the industry don't match the needs of the patient. I strongly think that an autistic person doesn't necessarily need to say" look at me, I'm different". Make no mistake , most institutions do not comply with reasonable accommodation for an autistic person or anyone with a disability , unless they are urged to do it. It's federal law. Documenting a diagnosis or disability is in your own interest in these situations.
I've never really had a good experience at the hospital, so I completely understand what you're saying. It also is such a huge chore to go, even when I must. I dread it for days ahead of time, and yes, it is pretty much all I can do for that day. Anything else feels like a huge accomplishment. But you're very right based on my experiences too - hospitals, clinics, the places where people are supposed to know and understand, and we should go there for help...they really suck
@@ChrisandDebby In an utterly autistic chain of events, I went to nursing school (learning is something I do very well so ...) and became an RN, until I saw it as a bad choice. Anyway, that was decades ago and decades before diagnosis. My point is in medicine they like to manage patients and that means they are formulaic. Many are smart enough but don't easily transfer knowledge from the book to the unusual in real life .They reach flawed conclusions and assessments often. A hospital's goals and a person's goals are often different.
@@maureenbiddle6252 The point of people struggling with transferring knowledge from the book into real life is so true! I talked with someone who knows an autistic boy, also diagnosed with adhd. She told me that I have to keep in mind that autism is a spectrum and looks different on every person. When I disclosed to her, that I'm autistic, she said that she doesn't think I'm autistic because I look perfectly normal to her. Crazy how the human brain can (not) work 🤯
@@maureenbiddle6252 my husband was a career paramedic and always used to tell young doctors who got it wrong, "Not every patient's body has read the same textbook you did."
What helps me most when overwhelmed: Nature (walks, gardening or just observation) Yoga it does wonders to regulate the nervous system and there’s so many ways to engage, for me postures, breathing and active meditation work best) Isolation (what I call «I pretend life is on stop) Special interests, research or cleaning Hot showers or baths Weighted blankets (got a little one I can warm up and put on my chest) And deep compression (the squish cuddle, in my house) The positive stims like something soft or a great smell. Essentially though is to remove as much as possible stressful responsabilities and introduce as many pleasurable and positive experiences as I can. Changing and adapting my life where I can and stop just surviving trying to fit myself into society. It’s a long road ahead 😅 still to accepting myself and I’ll walked it clumsily 😊 Lots of love to everyone!!!
My challenge is that if we are in a family get together/visit situation, I think I can figure out a way to get away and do self care when starting to get overwhelmed before I meltdown. BUT if I have to continue to interact with them (like when we have family staying with us, and I still have to share meals/activities and still have to function in my own home OR worse at someone else's place), I'm not sure how to NOT get overwhelmed again, or how to broach the subject that i'm overwhelmed by the circumstances, not by THEM necessarily (it might be something they're doing, tho). I'm afraid of offending them, and then when I meltdown, that's horrible and I'm embarrassed and shamed, and then they avoid me and are different around me, and that just triggers more! Honestly, I think that I am just going to not do family get togethers for awhile, unless they're very short.
I come from a big family and stopped most family get -togethers a long time ago. I wasn't diagnosed until my mid/late sixties, so my choices were based on my diagnosis. I do have serious sensory processing problems and most often have no memory of the shut downs. a couple of things: 1. I grew up trying to please and do the right thing in family matters. Your character is not dependent on social obligation norms. 2. You have every right to set limits. This isn't just about self care. Most people, family or not, will neither appreciate or comprehend your neurological challenges. The result is a great deal of judgement and condescension that says more about them than you. Doing what is right for you and developing strategies are both good ideas.
Having to do something for the first time is often overwhelming. Videos are a great help to that. And one of my signs for overwhelm is that I get frustrated, irritated, feel like giving up etc., and also my sensory sensitivities get worse. Like I can't stand annoying sounds when I'm overwhelmed. I think many people also want to have their safe food in that case (strangely, I used to have *really* limited selection of foods I was able to tolerate as a kid, and now I eat quite a lot of different things and don't really experience narrowing of what I can eat even when overwhelmed).
I have significant difficulties with a sensory processing disorder. I have only been diagnosed autistic in my sixties. To be clear, evidence of my sensory processing problems resulted in the sort of social punitive actions most of you would recognize. As a result, I have no tolerance for the term meltdown. The 1973 disability act took effect in my second year at college. I grew up in a city with half a dozen hospitals and the same number of colleges/universities. Due diligence would have prevented a lot of problems. I find that when diagnosed, preventing processing problems is pretty easy with preventive measures. (in the same way you prevent a child with a peanut allergy from harm at school. you make adjustments)
I started to create a little safe space where I can self-isolate in case of getting overwhelmed. It's carefully put together, so it's not a burden to be in there but something enjoyable to do. I made it a point, that it's cozy and looks nice, as I'm someone who likes staring a slowly moving stuff a lot. So there's a fishtank (no shrimps in there yet, but already great to watch the moving water and plants), a projection of the moon and some stars on the ceiling, plenty of plants and a comfy lounge chair. Also I only used little colour to make sure it look harmonic, so it's rather calming than causing more chaos to the brain (white, mustard yellow ❤ and some small black details). The lighting is soft and not too bright. I love that space so much, that I spend most of my evenings there, when I'm done doing puzzles. Puzzles are also great for relaxing. With a podcast on, I can do them for hours. They make my head go empty which is great. Also I can use my 'autistic superpower' by noticing a tiny detail on a piece, like a barely noticeable black spot and I know exactly, where it has to go 😅 Also very helpful is, to keep some food in the house that barely needs effort to prepare and which is comforting at the same time. Not helpful is having someone around me, who is well-meaning and checking on me every five minutes. I understand it's coming from a place of love and concern, but it's helping neither of us, when these actions are pushing me deeper into a shutdown. So it's important to me, to communicate to a new friend, that it's best to give me time to decompress, as soon as I start to answer less and less. Breaking up tasks into small, manageable steps like suggested in the video is very helpful to prevent or at least delaying mental exhaustion.
These are all pretty key things for me too. Your safe decompression space sounds really nice. I’m also a fan of puzzles! They’re really great for my brain. The only problem is once I start, I don’t want to stop til it’s done lol.
My mum is great for this! She knows I'm okay with texting when i experience a shutdown but that I go completely nonverbal. So she'll reply to a text from me if I initiate it but leaves me completely alone otherwise ❤
Chris is lucky to have you. I am quite jealous. My family gets angry with me when I go through overwhelm and shutdown. They tell me how lazy and useless I am, although I am trying my best to do my tasks. Trying doesn’t count - only results. At the moment everything is too much. Cleaning, working, forms and obligations.
That anxiety has be a life saver for me. If feel the anxious and really feel it it's tell me time to change this and take break. Book some days off work is my go to when that I feel that anxiety. What I used to do is feel weird and not why. I'd just push it down again and again over the month and my struggles would magnified then add in skin problems, stomach problems, sinus inflammation. I'd be exhausted more. My stimming would increase to the point where I'm stimming when I need to eat so I don't eat. I get more meltdowns and shutdowns and eventually burn out. Listening to my anxiety haven't had meltdown or shutdown for over 6 months now. I had no clue anxiety was there to warn me of danger,
That's really interesting...thanks for sharing this! What you are describing is so close to what I used to do, and you're right - it just got worse and worse. My own meltdowns and shutdowns have improved a lot since I have learned more but I still struggle with not only noticing, but heeding, those internal warning signs. Glad it's working out better for you - that's great to hear
That's amazing to hear!! And thanks for joining us live - hope we'll see you again next week! And for you and your husband - What are some of your biggest challenges together?
Zoning has caused conflict for me.Had people (strangers)get very aggressive thinking I was staring at them when I was lost in my own space. Can be scary and frustrating at the same time. 🙈🙉🙊
And the timing of this video is perfect- at counseling last night, the therapist was suggesting that my husband start to help me recognize when I'm getting overwhelmed because I can't recognize it yet. So we need to come up with some nonverbal hand motions so that he can signal me so I can do a self check when he's seeing potential signs of me getting overwhelmed.
Interesting about coughing and stomach aches. I had a feeling the stomach cramps increased for my son when stressed. Myself, As a long term migraine sufferer have finally learned that they are a sign of shutdown. Literally take me off to my bedroom for 24 hours and emerge renewed. Not quite renewed but in a better place. The coughing I hadn’t considered but makes sense. Anxiety constricts the chest, the lungs need air, you cough. My son has bouts of coughing, especially after laughing. Great post x
Whoa - was that Chris you described or me?! I do all the things, including the hair. I’ve been dx’d for nearly a year. It has been a big learning curve for my wife and I. This video is definitely one I’ll share with her. Thank you so much!
Geez! I thought I wasn't particularly affected by anxiety, but every freaking point you shared resonated with me! Thanks for helping me recognise my own feelings of being overwhelmed
Repeated interruptions are one of my worst causes of overwhelm. Today my mother, who has Alzheimer's, has called four times about the same thing, and finally I had to put my phone on Do Not Disturb because I was starting to feel angry when the dogs came and wanted to play. I have since gotten a cup of coffee, crawled up in bed, complained to my hubby, we have watched this video together, he brought me a cold pack to put under my neck, and he is now fixing dinner. I'm feeling a little bit better, step by step.
Biggest challenge for me sensory overload from masking at work. Signs for me loosing my voice, heavy brain fog and consistent stimming. I take time out in evening in area no noise and low light level to reduce the effects. My partner very supportive ❤
You Mr Chris, are a very lucky guy having someone to help & who understands your struggles with ASD & ADHD. Its HARD as it is but having this on ur own is difficult, having Debby there for you is amazing. Thank You for this video from ur perspective 😊
When I get overwhelmed I have trouble talking and vocalizing my thoughts. I often need to take a few minutes to turn my thoughts and feelings into words. If I don't all I'll tell you when you ask me what's going on is "I don't know".
59 yo Just learning the connections of my feelings and actions to overload.. Thank You Both ! Ya’lls content is superb. Just had a Major meltdown 2 hrs ago. I’ve been stimming in my recliner fir 3 solid days, and I Thought I was better but NOOoooo… Yes too many triggers to write right now. BUT THIS VIDEO WILL HELP MY WIFE which Helps Me with Guilt. I don’t do “the Krazy mad man” skit to be, mean or hateful. I can’t help it. Not being able to help it,,,! Makes me feel defective. Dark side of autisim. BUT, now I know I’m not alone and it’s not Just Me. My heart is extremely loving and I hate it when I blow, because my Brains go Scrambled. I can’t think and i say words I don’t mean to say. And That makes situation Really bad. Today I did my usual escape routine, running to the garage where I have comfortably seating a fan and radio and my perfectly chaotically organized, work bench to gaze at. Lol. 🤪
@@MiljaHahto ThankYou ! Yes, learning That too.. I’ve identified my past recovery times “that I never understood “. The longest was 2 years lol That 2 yrs was so long, probably because, I think, because I would trigger Off agin and agin before I could recover, not knowing or understanding what or why,,, This was 24 yrs ago, at 38-40 yrs old. I can identify myself Now, to this timeframe, from what I’ve learned about myself last 2 years at 58-59 yo. I’ve been a week recovering from this recent episode, with lots of stimming and rest. Feeling much better now. Thanks for Your care and input !
@@DougSamm Sounds like you probably had an autistic burnout. It has some similarities with ordinary burnout (+ obviously some very autistic traits), but needs partly different methods for recovery. Chris and Debbie have videos about that, too.
@@MiljaHahto yes ! I am recovering from autistic burnout, well I’d not be communicating this if Still in middle of it,, but I’m almost recovered now. I have Soo many unusual extraordinary triggers I’ve dealt with my whole life as an unknowing high masker. Too many things to mention in my still slightly unstable state. But thanks for the care. I look forward to sharing more when I feel I can
@@DougSamm Unfortunately I have some experience about autistic burnouts, too... Sometimes they draw out extensively when life just give space to arrange the situation so that one can recover.
As someone who is currently experiencing autistic burnout, your videos are very helpful! I recognize so much (if not everything)! Thank you for your great work :) Just a small point of feedback: the light flashes/flare transitions in your videos are quite unpleasant for me since bright light is especially hard for me to tolerate due to sensory overstimulation. I don’t know if others experience this as well, but maybe this is something you could alter in future videos? :)
I agree about light flashes and flares. I finally realized that I find it difficult to watch videos where I can see ring lights reflected in the presenter's eyes. They are unnatural and distracting and one of my Au-DHD traits is avoiding looking into the eyes of people to whom I am talking. I didn't usually have an issue watching videos but I do now, ever since the ring lights started trending.
When the brain fog gets a lot worse, or I start to feel sluggish, I know it is time to stop for the day or I am just going to end up paying for it (that whole spoon thing that seems to be what people use). Also, if I do have an emotional burst/outflow, for whatever reason, that is basically the end of the day, too. Regardless how short it might be. Just unfortunate it does happen when writing certain emotional scenes and causes delays.
It takes time, but so important! Glad you're here and able to learn more ways that you might be able to make adjustments, even in your own expectations of yourself. I found that to be one of the hardest parts in the beginning for me: realizing I needed to change for myself if things were going to improve. But it's helped a lot since then. If the diagnosis is new for you, give yourself some time and patience too
I suppose there are positive aspects to being single, not having kids, and living alone. Because I do notice that many of the situations that would lead to overwhelm (and indeed have in the past), I can just completely avoid through self-isolation. Would I recommend this path as a viable option? Only with the caveat that developing and maintaining other social connections becomes that much more important!
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. I'm in the same boat and it is absolutely awful and so frustrating. Not sleeping makes everything so much harder. I hope you can find a way to manage the anxiety enough that your body lets you sleep! I know something I've found surprisingly helpful is ASMR videos at bedtime. Feldenkrais lessons too. Plenty of both on YT. Often times I pass out before the video is over, even when I'm super anxious. Magnesium glycinate and L-theanine help me lots as well.
Hi Debbie, Chris is soo lucky to have you . Most people don’t even notice these things, so wanting to help or even understand is rare, really rare. ❤ do you have an elder brother I could meet lol
Just suggestions feel free to ignore: Yes definitely shorter events, warn them in advance maybe that you won’t stay long. Talking to them before the get together, so it’s not on the spot for you and more general and less offensif to them. Maybe explain overwhelm and meltdowns to them again not on the spot. Have a back up plan, like a safe room or garden or errands as excuses to pop out,etc Maybe space out such events or plan easy/restful days before and after. Best of wishes!!!
I appreciate this so much. I can relate to it but, experiencing it, never had the perspective to be able to verbalize it to my family. Will definitely share your video with them. Thank you!
Seems like Chris got lucky in choosing you as his wife. You're very patient. I've never had a relationship that feels that safe aside from with family and my current bestie
Chris and Debby, thank you for the free template. This is what I'm currently struggling with because i don't know my own triggers yet. Thank you so much!
Today, Jeremy, love of my life, pointed out to me when I was overwhelmed and it blew so much of my imposter syndrome away because I just realized how overwhelmed I am a lot of the time and how to notice it ❤
Non-autistics can feel overwhelm as well. Non-autistics can also have a lot of these behaviors for various reasons. These sorts of signs should not be used for an autism diagnosis, but as a means of understanding a person with an autism diagnosis (6:30 time point). I've personally got a few of Chris's behaviors, some of them for overwhelm or stress. I am not autistic. I'm a non-affiliative, intellectual introvert with minor OCD and a tic disorder.
I' m late diagnosed ADHD and Autistic, and when I'm trying to get my alone time, my daughter (26) who is also Autistic, will come in my room and talk. When I explain I need alone time she gets upset and goes into meltdown. I have no idea how to manage that situation.
I'm having problems right now. I need to set up a dentist appointment and I need to get my car fixed so it will pass inspection, but both phone calls and the thought of going to those appointments is overwhelming and no one will help me just use the phone. Stimming isn't a sign for me. I stim almost all the time except when in bed. Sometimes two stims at once. They're usually little things that aren't disruptive, but maybe that's why I need to do two at a time, lol. Signs are becoming very emotional, crying easily, increased panic attacks, and explosions of temper where I yell. (I'm still in control enough not to call people names, fling insults, etc. I just get frustrated very easily and need to let people know to stop pushing me, and words alone don't work.)
I’m late-diagnosed (41, diagnosed at 39) and I’m still struggling with figuring this out. I often don’t know how to identify I’m reaching a point of overwhelm or burnout until after the fact. I hope I can find a way to start identifying it sooner!
YES! Mine builds like a volcano, and then all of a sudden, I explode! I can look at it afterwards and realize what happened, but I have very little warning. I get so embarrassed.
I pace more often than not, also running hands through hair 💯. I half fold my arm so as to disguise a full cross. Vibrating lips loosely, that one is so innate. Last one is in soft pinch neck. Slowing down breath helps calm
I do these, and I also used to pull a part of my hair on the back of my neck too. I was only able to stop doing that after years of practice and the slow breathing too
Would there be any benefit for e to go through the hurdles to get evaluated for myself? I am in my forties. My biological father and my daughter are diagnosed on the spectrum. As a general rule, I tend to feel more at ease around nuerodivergent people, especially neurodivergent adults. Chris is very relatable in this video, and it feels like it's seriously calling me out.
Do non-autistic people not find themselves thoroughly exhausted after a dental appointment? I grip the arms of the chair so tightly that my skin changes colors in my hands and arms. I was only diagnosed earlier this year at age 56 and am still learning. I trip over my tongue quite a bit when I'm uncomfortable and pick at my skin or rub my fingers together.
I appreciate most of this - but the idea that role-play could be part of the solution 😂. I'd rather go through the sensory hell of the dentist that do role-play.
@@markjlandy ❤️🩹 understand ! High successfully maskers get, “Your Not Autistic !” and they laugh….🥹🥹🥹. That is a nightmare to overcome. I’m trying to figure it out too…
Thanks! I know I need to reset when I lose thoughts and words, and my nervous system feels like it is on fire. Sometimes, I'll sway and move "to the music" if I need a reset while in public. (Though it might look like I'm losing my patience, in NT speak.) I prefer whole-body stims.
My autistic tendencies are much more low level than a lot of this. Probably mostly because I never bothered to actually mask that much. Just enough to not "stand out" as it where. Thinking back on my own experience the main thing is the spacing out, and anxious signs, then it kind of all spills out, but I can usually wait until the right time. Though I have noticed that when im at my breaking point people just generally dont notice. Oh and the self isolation, definitely do that. In general but especially when a bit overwhelmed. Luckily I havnt been dealing with too much overwhelm or burnout recently. I have this one class that has homework that is *tedious as heck* but nothing stressful, the workload is pretty standard. Leading me to be able to find time for other things I enjoy.
I hate the label "anxiety". It's being disabled by being forced to function as abled do. When a person with multiple-sclerosis, is to disabled by the effort to be normal, is that "anxiety"? No. It's pain, it's suffering, it's being aware of the brain and body becoming less functional and more disabled. It could cause some anxiety but it's not caused by anxiety. It's caused by being made more disabled by being forced to act normal.
the worst for me is travelling - i'll start freaking out many days before a trip and 2 days before i can barely function. also just 2 days ago I was so upset i was literally hand-flapping in bed (w hubby) and i ONLY hand flap when i'm really overwhelmed
sometimes the bit about how you help him cope - yeah, as the mom of 3 complex young adults (2 still at home) w a husband who is not good with any of that stuff, i'm still teh one who has to figure it all out.
I have a question. My husband always has his tablet handy and is tapping on the screen, playing any array of mindless games. He does it while he eats, while watching tv, before falling asleep and sometimes in between working. If he gets bored when company's over and can't follow the conversation he very slyly takes it out and plays it way from the group if he can. He doesn't seem to be interested too much in what the game's about, but he is constantly playing something- tap, tap, tapping away. Could that be a form of stemming or way to release stress? I used to get mad about his 'game obsession', but the more we're learning about his autism the more I'm starting to notice little things. It could be totally unrelated. I was just wondering. Thanks so much ❤
feel seen. also retreat to a cool, dark, quiet space (aka bedroom) to rest until I hit my normal baseline. I found one of my signs for sensory overwhelm is sneezing multiple times. Curious if anyone else also experienced it. What sucks is overwhelm is something that has several variables, but once it hits it's really difficult to keep it to myself.
I have a lot of headaches, and it hurts my eyes to keep them open. Do you experience this?🤔 Could you tell me if you want to think more about how the headache feels? Because I have been to a lot of doctors with this because it feels like the head is going to crash. The brain hurts a lot. And it doesn't go away. Not even with medicine that is supposed to help with headache. Headache and stomach issues are the worst.😳
That's so frustrating. sometimes more than one medical situation can be involved. maybe autism isn't causing the headaches. My mother and my sister both had chronic , frequent headaches. Problems with your jaw might cause headaches and there are some people with conditions like ehlers danlos that get headaches and stomach issues. I hope you have help getting it straightened out
This thing about "zoning out." I wonder if this will make sense. You know, there's this term that seems to be trendy lately, called "limerance," which I take to mean something like being totally, like, hypnotized-in-love with somebody, like in a trance over them. Quite often I go into a state like that, except that it's not about anybody. It's just a...state. It tends to crop up, now that I think about it, at those moments when I really need to be in another place, any place but "here." And suddenly there's nothing on earth I want or need to do more than meld psychically, viscerally, completely, with, say, that transfixingly sharp, distinct edge of a table or corner of a wall, and with a very specific zone of my gaze, of my eye, just so, till it kind of...I hope this isn't a vulgar metaphor...climaxes. It happens. The thing. I am again. I'm me, coming from me m again (as opposed to dematerialized into molecules amidst the firestorm of "incoming"). I don't know how else to say it. It's like a a reunion with my being. I think Chris will know exactly what I mean.... "Shy." It's not about just saying it, not at all. "It' has to happen for...the thing to happen, or else... well, it didn't happen, and you still need it to. Edges, corners, crisp lines, these are usually the things that suddenly demand I totally stop, fix on them, find that "sweet spot" and meld with them. But sometimes it can be things in nature, particularly tree branches and twigs (also lines), or flowers, often not the flowers themselves as much as their colors suddenly demanding my total fusion with them. Sometimes the most agonizing thing to do, when walking with friends, is to just walk along pretending everything's normal, that my psyche hasn't been snagged like with a hook by a torturously irresistible lilac bush or insanely riotous yellow forsythia, and the further away I walk the more my psyche is getting stretched like Silly Putty in the merciless grip of that epiphany I'm insanely walking away from. Sometimes I long to stop and yell, "Am I the only one here who's not crazy? Didn't you SEE what we just walked past? How can you not just stop and drown yourselves in this? What else could possibly mean anything right now?" I refrain, though. It's how I've gotten through 67 years of life without either becoming a hermit or... a permanent "resident" somewhere . I've survived, but it costs. Oh boy, does it cost. The autism discovery changes everything. I'm learning how to stim creatively, satisfyingly, discreetly when necessary, freely when gloriously possible. And when I want to stop and "smell the roses," I will now. I know why I need it, so nothing anybody else thinks about that matters. And when it's just not the moment, when I gotta get somwehere or have no right to hold up my companions, well, it's easier then, too, because now I know WHY this urge to stop and "meld." Still hurts not to, but somehow knowing the "why" makes all the difference. Like I can tell myself, "Ken, it's a good thing you want that. It's a beautiful thing. It's not the moment, but not because there's anyrhing wrong with it. The moments will be there, waiting for you, when it's a better time for it."
Let us know what's worked (or what hasn't) for you with managing overwhelm! Do you notice any of the same signs of overwhelm coming?
And 🚨 get your free download HERE: chrisanddebby.mykajabi.com/pl/2148575368
Thank You for the insightful content! PEA aka Palmitoylethanolamide has been wonderful in all ASD aspects. Experiences with this supplement? Recommended!
Thanks so much for the worksheets!! I was thinking about that during the video, and like 2 seconds later, you were talking about free worksheets. 😂 🫶
My biggest signs of overwhelm are exhaustion and struggling with words. When I struggle with words, I need to take a step back and figure out what is disregulating me, and take the needed steps to get to a better place.
Yes! That's a really good sign too. I find that I hide that by just not talking, but you're right that it often is because I'm struggling so much. Thanks for sharing this
How do you do that in a busy environment like an ER? That's what I struggle with.
When I am having a break down myself I dont struggle with the words I want to say, I just physically cant speak. But that's when yk it all comes to a head which is of course different from overwhelm itself.
@@CricketGirrl I think some people use a beforehand written paper that they can struggle with words when overwhelmed. It may help with healthcare professionals, sometimes that you at least don't start suspecting that being non-verbal is a sign of something else.
I haven't ever been struggling *that* badly, but I do say sometimes that I am loosing my words, to get more time to search for them.
Some of the signs I'm getting overwhelmed are that I cannot stand even small sources of skin irritation, such as mosquito bites, hair getting in my face or bits of dirt stuck to my feet. My skin just becomes crazy sensitive. Sounds start to bother me more than usual as well. If I start picking at my skin, I know it's getting bad. I'll usually put in my ear plugs, get a fidget and retreat to my meltdown corner. I have a basket of items there to help me calm down, that way I don't have to go looking for stuff when I'm overwhelmed already. Sometimes I'll watch something silly or comforting to distract me. It's frustrating, since it feels like I am not in control of my body. But it also feels like a really loving thing to do for myself instead of letting it get to the point of full on meltdown.
Thank you both for all the awesome information you share here! I'm learning so much! Debby, you are such a kind, beautiful soul! As an autistic person who hasn't often been shown that kind of understanding, consideration and gentleness, it's really healing to see it. I imagine a lot of other folks here haven't experienced it either and it's really helpful to see someone model the kind of treatment we deserve from the people close to us.
My adult autistic son will come to me when he needs a body double to help with initiating tasks that need a lot of executive functioning. I’m always honored to be there for him ❤
Good for you two!!! It’s so essential to not feel like a burden.
Lots of love to you both 😊
What do you mean “body double” for initiating tasks? Getting the ball moving, so to speak, is my biggest challenge. And the frustrating part is, it feels like I can only helplessly watch myself being “stuck” 🫨
@@MidMo4020 body doubling for us means that we have a time we agree on, we are in the same room working on our own projects. It’s easier for my son to initiate and stay focused when we are working together but separately. I suppose it would also work over zoom too.
@@michellemees8286 I see!! And you’re soooo right! My sense of urgency is directly proportional to general vibe. So you’re saying for him to just be with people who are in work “mode” at work time, helps to light his fire. Makes sense. If I have all day to get something done.. it’ll take all day. And just initiating is the hardest part. Great advice!! THANK YOU!! 😊
@@MidMo4020 you’re so welcome! I hope it helps. I think the accountability helps too. Gets the dopamine on board.
I love it when Debby voices the episode and Chris is like the wild animal that is the subject of the video 😂
PUBLIC TRANSIT = hell.
Public transit and someone using their cell on speaker phone = My own personal health.
I legit cant ride a bus without headphones and music.
Like I *physically* can but I never enjoy it.
As long as I am not sat by someone that enjoys their death sticks... it tends to be okay... but, no, today, some lady thought talking on speaker was the right choice. :(
My first thought is she (and those like her) are prolly those types that hate privacy and accept all the cookies. Likely part of why I blacked out when I got home.
Before I learned that I was autistic, I knew that I would have days where I would not be able to think straight. I sometimes couldn't even process sentences being spoken to me effectively, much less articulate a response. I knew it was related to stress, but I didn't fully understand how or why it happened. When I'm in such a state now, where I'm essentially non-verbal, my wife and I use a system for me to tell her, so she doesn't get so frustrated trying to communicate with me when I'm unable to do so. After watching Guardians of the Galaxy, with the scene between Rocket and Groot being unable to communicate effectively while Rocket was trying and failing to communicate simple instructions to Groot, we both could relate far too easily to the situation. So now I just tell her, "I am Groot," which means that having a conversation with me right now is pointless, and it would be best for this conversation to wait until later if possible.
@@5avan10 Brilliant !!! Loved that movie my favorite was I am Groot. I said that for weeks after it.
I think I tried it in your application, unknowingly, if that makes sense, but because I didn’t know -at the time- I’m autistic. Maybe I’ll try it with my wife now with her on board.
Wish I had a Debbie. Diagnosed with adhd 20 years ago and autism last year after seeing how my sons shared adhd traits were actually autism. Trying to parent, advocate and organise and support my teen son while also needing support and advocacy is soooo hard. Baby steps. I’m in Australia and I’ve just qualified for funded supports - thank you NDIS - and I’m overcoming my selective mutism while trying to communicate how I need help. It’s so exhausting. I play video games to escape or stare into space from my couch if even too exhausted for video game escapism. I’ve just bought your recommended book. Love this channel. Easy to watch, not too long, not too triggering. You guys rock!
My situation is quite similar and my heart goes to you!!! Yes it’s a crazy ride but at least now we know, we can start to adapt our lives to us and not the opposite. And hopefully help bring an easier life for our kids than we experienced😊
But mostly don’t forget that accommodating yrself also means a more capable parent for yr kid! I need to see it like that in order to allow self care but we deserve it too.😊
Lots of love and courage to you two!!!
Pretty much for me. An appointment can be handled with notice and preparation. Pretty much an appointment ends up being the only thing accomplished for that day. I cannot emphasize enough that medical appointments are a particular risk. This is because the place that should be most accommodating, isn't . The degree of ignorance in the medical community is horrifying. It is a place where the goals in the industry don't match the needs of the patient. I strongly think that an autistic person doesn't necessarily need to say" look at me, I'm different". Make no mistake , most institutions do not comply with reasonable accommodation for an autistic person or anyone with a disability , unless they are urged to do it. It's federal law. Documenting a diagnosis or disability is in your own interest in these situations.
I've never really had a good experience at the hospital, so I completely understand what you're saying. It also is such a huge chore to go, even when I must. I dread it for days ahead of time, and yes, it is pretty much all I can do for that day. Anything else feels like a huge accomplishment. But you're very right based on my experiences too - hospitals, clinics, the places where people are supposed to know and understand, and we should go there for help...they really suck
@@ChrisandDebby In an utterly autistic chain of events, I went to nursing school (learning is something I do very well so ...) and became an RN, until I saw it as a bad choice. Anyway, that was decades ago and decades before diagnosis. My point is in medicine they like to manage patients and that means they are formulaic. Many are smart enough but don't easily transfer knowledge from the book to the unusual in real life .They reach flawed conclusions and assessments often. A hospital's goals and a person's goals are often different.
@@maureenbiddle6252 The point of people struggling with transferring knowledge from the book into real life is so true!
I talked with someone who knows an autistic boy, also diagnosed with adhd. She told me that I have to keep in mind that autism is a spectrum and looks different on every person. When I disclosed to her, that I'm autistic, she said that she doesn't think I'm autistic because I look perfectly normal to her. Crazy how the human brain can (not) work 🤯
@@maureenbiddle6252 my husband was a career paramedic and always used to tell young doctors who got it wrong, "Not every patient's body has read the same textbook you did."
I am super lucky in that my GP works a lot with ND patients, so medical appointments aren't the worst for me. Work is.
What helps me most when overwhelmed:
Nature (walks, gardening or just observation)
Yoga it does wonders to regulate the nervous system and there’s so many ways to engage, for me postures, breathing and active meditation work best)
Isolation (what I call «I pretend life is on stop)
Special interests, research or cleaning
Hot showers or baths
Weighted blankets (got a little one I can warm up and put on my chest)
And deep compression (the squish cuddle, in my house)
The positive stims like something soft or a great smell.
Essentially though is to remove as much as possible stressful responsabilities and introduce as many pleasurable and positive experiences as I can.
Changing and adapting my life where I can and stop just surviving trying to fit myself into society.
It’s a long road ahead 😅 still to accepting myself and I’ll walked it clumsily 😊
Lots of love to everyone!!!
My challenge is that if we are in a family get together/visit situation, I think I can figure out a way to get away and do self care when starting to get overwhelmed before I meltdown. BUT if I have to continue to interact with them (like when we have family staying with us, and I still have to share meals/activities and still have to function in my own home OR worse at someone else's place), I'm not sure how to NOT get overwhelmed again, or how to broach the subject that i'm overwhelmed by the circumstances, not by THEM necessarily (it might be something they're doing, tho). I'm afraid of offending them, and then when I meltdown, that's horrible and I'm embarrassed and shamed, and then they avoid me and are different around me, and that just triggers more! Honestly, I think that I am just going to not do family get togethers for awhile, unless they're very short.
I come from a big family and stopped most family get -togethers a long time ago. I wasn't diagnosed until my mid/late sixties, so my choices were based on my diagnosis. I do have serious sensory processing problems and most often have no memory of the shut downs. a couple of things: 1. I grew up trying to please and do the right thing in family matters. Your character is not dependent on social obligation norms. 2. You have every right to set limits. This isn't just about self care. Most people, family or not, will neither appreciate or comprehend your neurological challenges. The result is a great deal of judgement and condescension that says more about them than you. Doing what is right for you and developing strategies are both good ideas.
Having to do something for the first time is often overwhelming. Videos are a great help to that. And one of my signs for overwhelm is that I get frustrated, irritated, feel like giving up etc., and also my sensory sensitivities get worse. Like I can't stand annoying sounds when I'm overwhelmed. I think many people also want to have their safe food in that case (strangely, I used to have *really* limited selection of foods I was able to tolerate as a kid, and now I eat quite a lot of different things and don't really experience narrowing of what I can eat even when overwhelmed).
It's good to have some help to discriminate the causes of our meltdowns & shutdowns.
Yes, we'll be working on more with these topics soon!
@@ChrisandDebbyThank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻
I have significant difficulties with a sensory processing disorder. I have only been diagnosed autistic in my sixties. To be clear, evidence of my sensory processing problems resulted in the sort of social punitive actions most of you would recognize. As a result, I have no tolerance for the term meltdown. The 1973 disability act took effect in my second year at college. I grew up in a city with half a dozen hospitals and the same number of colleges/universities. Due diligence would have prevented a lot of problems. I find that when diagnosed, preventing processing problems is pretty easy with preventive measures. (in the same way you prevent a child with a peanut allergy from harm at school. you make adjustments)
I started to create a little safe space where I can self-isolate in case of getting overwhelmed. It's carefully put together, so it's not a burden to be in there but something enjoyable to do. I made it a point, that it's cozy and looks nice, as I'm someone who likes staring a slowly moving stuff a lot. So there's a fishtank (no shrimps in there yet, but already great to watch the moving water and plants), a projection of the moon and some stars on the ceiling, plenty of plants and a comfy lounge chair. Also I only used little colour to make sure it look harmonic, so it's rather calming than causing more chaos to the brain (white, mustard yellow ❤ and some small black details). The lighting is soft and not too bright. I love that space so much, that I spend most of my evenings there, when I'm done doing puzzles.
Puzzles are also great for relaxing. With a podcast on, I can do them for hours. They make my head go empty which is great. Also I can use my 'autistic superpower' by noticing a tiny detail on a piece, like a barely noticeable black spot and I know exactly, where it has to go 😅
Also very helpful is, to keep some food in the house that barely needs effort to prepare and which is comforting at the same time.
Not helpful is having someone around me, who is well-meaning and checking on me every five minutes. I understand it's coming from a place of love and concern, but it's helping neither of us, when these actions are pushing me deeper into a shutdown. So it's important to me, to communicate to a new friend, that it's best to give me time to decompress, as soon as I start to answer less and less.
Breaking up tasks into small, manageable steps like suggested in the video is very helpful to prevent or at least delaying mental exhaustion.
These are all pretty key things for me too. Your safe decompression space sounds really nice. I’m also a fan of puzzles! They’re really great for my brain. The only problem is once I start, I don’t want to stop til it’s done lol.
My mum is great for this! She knows I'm okay with texting when i experience a shutdown but that I go completely nonverbal. So she'll reply to a text from me if I initiate it but leaves me completely alone otherwise ❤
I think we must share the same brain! Everything you described fits with my train of thinking. Puzzles are an obsession that help me escape.
@@barbyoungberg Somehow your comment made me happy stim 😄 It's nice to see there are like-minded people out there ♥️
Chris is lucky to have you. I am quite jealous. My family gets angry with me when I go through overwhelm and shutdown. They tell me how lazy and useless I am, although I am trying my best to do my tasks. Trying doesn’t count - only results. At the moment everything is too much. Cleaning, working, forms and obligations.
Debby - Top tier person and wife. 👍👍
When I want to plug my ears that's a clear sign
That anxiety has be a life saver for me. If feel the anxious and really feel it it's tell me time to change this and take break. Book some days off work is my go to when that I feel that anxiety. What I used to do is feel weird and not why. I'd just push it down again and again over the month and my struggles would magnified then add in skin problems, stomach problems, sinus inflammation. I'd be exhausted more. My stimming would increase to the point where I'm stimming when I need to eat so I don't eat. I get more meltdowns and shutdowns and eventually burn out. Listening to my anxiety haven't had meltdown or shutdown for over 6 months now. I had no clue anxiety was there to warn me of danger,
That's really interesting...thanks for sharing this! What you are describing is so close to what I used to do, and you're right - it just got worse and worse. My own meltdowns and shutdowns have improved a lot since I have learned more but I still struggle with not only noticing, but heeding, those internal warning signs. Glad it's working out better for you - that's great to hear
For me one clean sign of stress levels and exhaustion being high is interrupting people more, because I become worse at reading the conversation.
Heat, hunger, repetitive noises are some of my big triggers for overwhelm. I get cranky, panicky or both.
So happy to catch you LIVE! You two have been the greatest help to my husband and I since we've realized that I'm autistic.
That's amazing to hear!! And thanks for joining us live - hope we'll see you again next week! And for you and your husband - What are some of your biggest challenges together?
Zoning has caused conflict for me.Had people (strangers)get very aggressive thinking I was staring at them when I was lost in my own space. Can be scary and frustrating at the same time. 🙈🙉🙊
And the timing of this video is perfect- at counseling last night, the therapist was suggesting that my husband start to help me recognize when I'm getting overwhelmed because I can't recognize it yet. So we need to come up with some nonverbal hand motions so that he can signal me so I can do a self check when he's seeing potential signs of me getting overwhelmed.
Interesting about coughing and stomach aches. I had a feeling the stomach cramps increased for my son when stressed. Myself, As a long term migraine sufferer have finally learned that they are a sign of shutdown. Literally take me off to my bedroom for 24 hours and emerge renewed. Not quite renewed but in a better place. The coughing I hadn’t considered but makes sense. Anxiety constricts the chest, the lungs need air, you cough. My son has bouts of coughing, especially after laughing. Great post x
Whoa - was that Chris you described or me?! I do all the things, including the hair. I’ve been dx’d for nearly a year. It has been a big learning curve for my wife and I. This video is definitely one I’ll share with her. Thank you so much!
Geez! I thought I wasn't particularly affected by anxiety, but every freaking point you shared resonated with me! Thanks for helping me recognise my own feelings of being overwhelmed
Debby is an angel!
Repeated interruptions are one of my worst causes of overwhelm. Today my mother, who has Alzheimer's, has called four times about the same thing, and finally I had to put my phone on Do Not Disturb because I was starting to feel angry when the dogs came and wanted to play.
I have since gotten a cup of coffee, crawled up in bed, complained to my hubby, we have watched this video together, he brought me a cold pack to put under my neck, and he is now fixing dinner.
I'm feeling a little bit better, step by step.
Biggest challenge for me sensory overload from masking at work. Signs for me loosing my voice, heavy brain fog and consistent stimming. I take time out in evening in area no noise and low light level to reduce the effects. My partner very supportive ❤
You Mr Chris, are a very lucky guy having someone to help & who understands your struggles with ASD & ADHD. Its HARD as it is but having this on ur own is difficult, having Debby there for you is amazing.
Thank You for this video from ur perspective 😊
When I get overwhelmed I have trouble talking and vocalizing my thoughts. I often need to take a few minutes to turn my thoughts and feelings into words. If I don't all I'll tell you when you ask me what's going on is "I don't know".
59 yo Just learning the connections of my feelings and actions to overload.. Thank You Both ! Ya’lls content is superb.
Just had a Major meltdown 2 hrs ago. I’ve been stimming in my recliner fir 3 solid days, and I Thought I was better but NOOoooo…
Yes too many triggers to write right now. BUT THIS VIDEO WILL HELP MY WIFE which Helps Me with Guilt. I don’t do “the Krazy mad man” skit to be, mean or hateful. I can’t help it.
Not being able to help it,,,! Makes me feel defective. Dark side of autisim. BUT, now I know I’m not alone and it’s not Just Me. My heart is extremely loving and I hate it when I blow, because my Brains go Scrambled. I can’t think and i say words I don’t mean to say. And That makes situation Really bad. Today I did my usual escape routine, running to the garage where I have comfortably seating a fan and radio and my perfectly chaotically organized, work bench to gaze at. Lol. 🤪
Please remember that it can take a rather long time to recover from overload, especially if it's bad enough to cause a meltdown.
@@MiljaHahto ThankYou ! Yes, learning That too.. I’ve identified my past recovery times “that I never understood “. The longest was 2 years lol That 2 yrs was so long, probably because, I think, because I would trigger Off agin and agin before I could recover, not knowing or understanding what or why,,, This was 24 yrs ago, at 38-40 yrs old. I can identify myself Now, to this timeframe, from what I’ve learned about myself last 2 years at 58-59 yo.
I’ve been a week recovering from this recent episode, with lots of stimming and rest. Feeling much better now. Thanks for Your care and input !
@@DougSamm Sounds like you probably had an autistic burnout. It has some similarities with ordinary burnout (+ obviously some very autistic traits), but needs partly different methods for recovery. Chris and Debbie have videos about that, too.
@@MiljaHahto yes ! I am recovering from autistic burnout, well I’d not be communicating this if Still in middle of it,, but I’m almost recovered now. I have Soo many unusual extraordinary triggers I’ve dealt with my whole life as an unknowing high masker. Too many things to mention in my still slightly unstable state. But thanks for the care. I look forward to sharing more when I feel I can
@@DougSamm Unfortunately I have some experience about autistic burnouts, too... Sometimes they draw out extensively when life just give space to arrange the situation so that one can recover.
Want to comment but I'm feeling overwhelmed right now 2:00
Debby said “shy”…..😅
This is a really good video. I wish we all had someone as compessionate and understanding in our lives
As someone who is currently experiencing autistic burnout, your videos are very helpful! I recognize so much (if not everything)! Thank you for your great work :)
Just a small point of feedback: the light flashes/flare transitions in your videos are quite unpleasant for me since bright light is especially hard for me to tolerate due to sensory overstimulation.
I don’t know if others experience this as well, but maybe this is something you could alter in future videos? :)
I agree about light flashes and flares. I finally realized that I find it difficult to watch videos where I can see ring lights reflected in the presenter's eyes. They are unnatural and distracting and one of my Au-DHD traits is avoiding looking into the eyes of people to whom I am talking. I didn't usually have an issue watching videos but I do now, ever since the ring lights started trending.
When the brain fog gets a lot worse, or I start to feel sluggish, I know it is time to stop for the day or I am just going to end up paying for it (that whole spoon thing that seems to be what people use). Also, if I do have an emotional burst/outflow, for whatever reason, that is basically the end of the day, too. Regardless how short it might be. Just unfortunate it does happen when writing certain emotional scenes and causes delays.
This explains so much my experience on the job and off. Still struggling w acceptance of my ASD dx 💞💙👊👊
It takes time, but so important! Glad you're here and able to learn more ways that you might be able to make adjustments, even in your own expectations of yourself. I found that to be one of the hardest parts in the beginning for me: realizing I needed to change for myself if things were going to improve. But it's helped a lot since then. If the diagnosis is new for you, give yourself some time and patience too
So nice to see how you are able to detect chris's stress signs... I which my kids mom whas able to see the signs instead of yelling at me...
Thank you for this informative video!
Glad it was helpful!
I suppose there are positive aspects to being single, not having kids, and living alone. Because I do notice that many of the situations that would lead to overwhelm (and indeed have in the past), I can just completely avoid through self-isolation.
Would I recommend this path as a viable option? Only with the caveat that developing and maintaining other social connections becomes that much more important!
I'm in a state of burnout presently, and the anxiety and fatigue from lack of sleep is horrible. I can't get the sleep needed due to the anxiety.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. I'm in the same boat and it is absolutely awful and so frustrating. Not sleeping makes everything so much harder. I hope you can find a way to manage the anxiety enough that your body lets you sleep! I know something I've found surprisingly helpful is ASMR videos at bedtime. Feldenkrais lessons too. Plenty of both on YT. Often times I pass out before the video is over, even when I'm super anxious. Magnesium glycinate and L-theanine help me lots as well.
@rainbowconnected thanks for the advice. I will try these✌️
Hi Debbie, Chris is soo lucky to have you . Most people don’t even notice these things, so wanting to help or even understand is rare, really rare. ❤ do you have an elder brother I could meet lol
Just suggestions feel free to ignore:
Yes definitely shorter events, warn them in advance maybe that you won’t stay long.
Talking to them before the get together, so it’s not on the spot for you and more general and less offensif to them.
Maybe explain overwhelm and meltdowns to them again not on the spot.
Have a back up plan, like a safe room or garden or errands as excuses to pop out,etc
Maybe space out such events or plan easy/restful days before and after.
Best of wishes!!!
I appreciate this so much. I can relate to it but, experiencing it, never had the perspective to be able to verbalize it to my family. Will definitely share your video with them. Thank you!
I become fully nocturnal when stress is high- daytime is too loud bright and peoply
Seems like Chris got lucky in choosing you as his wife. You're very patient. I've never had a relationship that feels that safe aside from with family and my current bestie
Chris and Debby, thank you for the free template. This is what I'm currently struggling with because i don't know my own triggers yet. Thank you so much!
Today, Jeremy, love of my life, pointed out to me when I was overwhelmed and it blew so much of my imposter syndrome away because I just realized how overwhelmed I am a lot of the time and how to notice it ❤
Non-autistics can feel overwhelm as well. Non-autistics can also have a lot of these behaviors for various reasons. These sorts of signs should not be used for an autism diagnosis, but as a means of understanding a person with an autism diagnosis (6:30 time point).
I've personally got a few of Chris's behaviors, some of them for overwhelm or stress. I am not autistic. I'm a non-affiliative, intellectual introvert with minor OCD and a tic disorder.
I' m late diagnosed ADHD and Autistic, and when I'm trying to get my alone time, my daughter (26) who is also Autistic, will come in my room and talk. When I explain I need alone time she gets upset and goes into meltdown. I have no idea how to manage that situation.
I'm having problems right now. I need to set up a dentist appointment and I need to get my car fixed so it will pass inspection, but both phone calls and the thought of going to those appointments is overwhelming and no one will help me just use the phone.
Stimming isn't a sign for me. I stim almost all the time except when in bed. Sometimes two stims at once. They're usually little things that aren't disruptive, but maybe that's why I need to do two at a time, lol. Signs are becoming very emotional, crying easily, increased panic attacks, and explosions of temper where I yell. (I'm still in control enough not to call people names, fling insults, etc. I just get frustrated very easily and need to let people know to stop pushing me, and words alone don't work.)
Oh wow, thanks for the great video!!❤
I’m having a hard time knowing when is the time that I need to attend to my needs 😞
I’m late-diagnosed (41, diagnosed at 39) and I’m still struggling with figuring this out. I often don’t know how to identify I’m reaching a point of overwhelm or burnout until after the fact. I hope I can find a way to start identifying it sooner!
YES! Mine builds like a volcano, and then all of a sudden, I explode! I can look at it afterwards and realize what happened, but I have very little warning. I get so embarrassed.
I pace more often than not, also running hands through hair 💯. I half fold my arm so as to disguise a full cross. Vibrating lips loosely, that one is so innate. Last one is in soft pinch neck. Slowing down breath helps calm
I do these, and I also used to pull a part of my hair on the back of my neck too. I was only able to stop doing that after years of practice and the slow breathing too
Would there be any benefit for e to go through the hurdles to get evaluated for myself? I am in my forties. My biological father and my daughter are diagnosed on the spectrum. As a general rule, I tend to feel more at ease around nuerodivergent people, especially neurodivergent adults. Chris is very relatable in this video, and it feels like it's seriously calling me out.
Wait - roll playing doesn't feel like hot buttery lava to all autistics?? It sure does to me! I HATE it.
Thank You, this is so helpful.
Do non-autistic people not find themselves thoroughly exhausted after a dental appointment? I grip the arms of the chair so tightly that my skin changes colors in my hands and arms. I was only diagnosed earlier this year at age 56 and am still learning. I trip over my tongue quite a bit when I'm uncomfortable and pick at my skin or rub my fingers together.
Ideas to lower stress levels would be a great video if you haven't done that already? If you have, please post a link to the video?
I speak 3 languages: I have no idea which one I am speaking, that's one of mine's
I appreciate most of this - but the idea that role-play could be part of the solution 😂. I'd rather go through the sensory hell of the dentist that do role-play.
Ps. Can we all have a Debby?
Thank you Debby! 🙌🏼
Aww Debby is so cool!
How do I get my family to see this.... Diagnosed late in life..
@@markjlandy ❤️🩹 understand ! High successfully maskers get, “Your Not Autistic !” and they laugh….🥹🥹🥹. That is a nightmare to overcome. I’m trying to figure it out too…
Where is the “Ssshhhyyyyyy” merch? Yes, I watched to the end. 😂
Thanks! I know I need to reset when I lose thoughts and words, and my nervous system feels like it is on fire.
Sometimes, I'll sway and move "to the music" if I need a reset while in public. (Though it might look like I'm losing my patience, in NT speak.) I prefer whole-body stims.
Me too! I find it especially soothing to dance without any music. If I'm in public I'll wear earphones so people just assume there's music.
I endorse watching Aus Football as long as it includes Geelong and they win.
My autistic tendencies are much more low level than a lot of this. Probably mostly because I never bothered to actually mask that much. Just enough to not "stand out" as it where.
Thinking back on my own experience the main thing is the spacing out, and anxious signs, then it kind of all spills out, but I can usually wait until the right time. Though I have noticed that when im at my breaking point people just generally dont notice.
Oh and the self isolation, definitely do that. In general but especially when a bit overwhelmed.
Luckily I havnt been dealing with too much overwhelm or burnout recently. I have this one class that has homework that is *tedious as heck* but nothing stressful, the workload is pretty standard. Leading me to be able to find time for other things I enjoy.
Sending this to hubbie rn
Very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you so much!
I hate the label "anxiety". It's being disabled by being forced to function as abled do. When a person with multiple-sclerosis, is to disabled by the effort to be normal, is that "anxiety"? No.
It's pain, it's suffering, it's being aware of the brain and body becoming less functional and more disabled. It could cause some anxiety but it's not caused by anxiety. It's caused by being made more disabled by being forced to act normal.
I wonder why we all have these traits 🤔🤔🤔 what could it mean?
Perfect
the worst for me is travelling - i'll start freaking out many days before a trip and 2 days before i can barely function. also just 2 days ago I was so upset i was literally hand-flapping in bed (w hubby) and i ONLY hand flap when i'm really overwhelmed
sometimes the bit about how you help him cope - yeah, as the mom of 3 complex young adults (2 still at home) w a husband who is not good with any of that stuff, i'm still teh one who has to figure it all out.
Personally i cant roleplay. I have tried that but it just doesnt work 😅
I have a question. My husband always has his tablet handy and is tapping on the screen, playing any array of mindless games. He does it while he eats, while watching tv, before falling asleep and sometimes in between working. If he gets bored when company's over and can't follow the conversation he very slyly takes it out and plays it way from the group if he can.
He doesn't seem to be interested too much in what the game's about, but he is constantly playing something- tap, tap, tapping away. Could that be a form of stemming or way to release stress? I used to get mad about his 'game obsession', but the more we're learning about his autism the more I'm starting to notice little things. It could be totally unrelated. I was just wondering. Thanks so much ❤
My biggest sign is biting my nails
❤
feel seen. also retreat to a cool, dark, quiet space (aka bedroom) to rest until I hit my normal baseline.
I found one of my signs for sensory overwhelm is sneezing multiple times. Curious if anyone else also experienced it.
What sucks is overwhelm is something that has several variables, but once it hits it's really difficult to keep it to myself.
I have a lot of headaches, and it hurts my eyes to keep them open. Do you experience this?🤔 Could you tell me if you want to think more about how the headache feels? Because I have been to a lot of doctors with this because it feels like the head is going to crash. The brain hurts a lot. And it doesn't go away. Not even with medicine that is supposed to help with headache. Headache and stomach issues are the worst.😳
That's so frustrating. sometimes more than one medical situation can be involved. maybe autism isn't causing the headaches. My mother and my sister both had chronic , frequent headaches. Problems with your jaw might cause headaches and there are some people with conditions like ehlers danlos that get headaches and stomach issues. I hope you have help getting it straightened out
Oh dear i kept focussing on your vocal fry…..very noticeable!
This thing about "zoning out." I wonder if this will make sense.
You know, there's this term that seems to be trendy lately, called "limerance," which I take to mean something like being totally, like, hypnotized-in-love with somebody, like in a trance over them.
Quite often I go into a state like that, except that it's not about anybody. It's just a...state.
It tends to crop up, now that I think about it, at those moments when I really need to be in another place, any place but "here." And suddenly there's nothing on earth I want or need to do more than meld psychically, viscerally, completely, with, say, that transfixingly sharp, distinct edge of a table or corner of a wall, and with a very specific zone of my gaze, of my eye, just so, till it kind of...I hope this isn't a vulgar metaphor...climaxes. It happens. The thing. I am again. I'm me, coming from me m again (as opposed to dematerialized into molecules amidst the firestorm of "incoming"). I don't know how else to say it. It's like a a reunion with my being.
I think Chris will know exactly what I mean.... "Shy." It's not about just saying it, not at all. "It' has to happen for...the thing to happen, or else... well, it didn't happen, and you still need it to.
Edges, corners, crisp lines, these are usually the things that suddenly demand I totally stop, fix on them, find that "sweet spot" and meld with them. But sometimes it can be things in nature, particularly tree branches and twigs (also lines), or flowers, often not the flowers themselves as much as their colors suddenly demanding my total fusion with them.
Sometimes the most agonizing thing to do, when walking with friends, is to just walk along pretending everything's normal, that my psyche hasn't been snagged like with a hook by a torturously irresistible lilac bush or insanely riotous yellow forsythia, and the further away I walk the more my psyche is getting stretched like Silly Putty in the merciless grip of that epiphany I'm insanely walking away from. Sometimes I long to stop and yell, "Am I the only one here who's not crazy? Didn't you SEE what we just walked past? How can you not just stop and drown yourselves in this? What else could possibly mean anything right now?"
I refrain, though. It's how I've gotten through 67 years of life without either becoming a hermit or... a permanent "resident" somewhere . I've survived, but it costs. Oh boy, does it cost.
The autism discovery changes everything. I'm learning how to stim creatively, satisfyingly, discreetly when necessary, freely when gloriously possible. And when I want to stop and "smell the roses," I will now. I know why I need it, so nothing anybody else thinks about that matters. And when it's just not the moment, when I gotta get somwehere or have no right to hold up my companions, well, it's easier then, too, because now I know WHY this urge to stop and "meld." Still hurts not to, but somehow knowing the "why" makes all the difference. Like I can tell myself, "Ken, it's a good thing you want that. It's a beautiful thing. It's not the moment, but not because there's anyrhing wrong with it. The moments will be there, waiting for you, when it's a better time for it."
Really helpful video, thank you 😊