Wow. I wasn't expecting this to be so triggering. I wouldn't describe my parents as narcissistic, but they certainly weren't interested in knowing me as a person. My usual way of dealing with rejection has always been avoidance. As a result, I'm a pretty lonely adult.
Not gonna lie, I started crying when he started talking about how his interests got pushed to the side growing up but that doesn’t mean they aren’t interesting. Like, that’s me! I always got shamed for liking things and always got pushed to the side because my sister was more energetic and demanded attention and god, I just stopped trying to exist. I tried to fade away, I never asked for anything, I never spoke even when conversations were about things I liked. I just pushed myself away. I have to explore that more. Great video! Thank you!! I’m going to heal one way or another eventually!
“I just stopped trying to exist” broke my heart. Me too. I didn’t want to die, exactly. I just wanted to never have been. Better times ahead. You exist, and you’re awesome.
First, you are lovable, why? Because God made you in His likeness & because He loved us first. You always have a best friend in him! Seek Him out 1st & know your inner self. You’ll find out you are pretty darn cool to hangout with. Seek God and His Kingdom & all these good things will be added to your life. Love you in the name of Christ Jesus.
@@2Loisr Why is it necessary to think an imaginary person loves me so I can feel loved at all? That is what nowadays social media imfluencers are for. They say they love you and how awesome you are and they are real.
My therapist had this with me and it really worked. I used to carry my teddy bear around since 12. I even carry the bear with me to the university and attend the lectures and exams together. Some people find me weird but I was fortunate enough to have no one being rude to me because of my teddy bear (or someone did but I didn't care). Anyway I got into therapy and figured out that the need for me to carry the bear was because I was too anxious and hurt inside and I needed a thing to represent my inner child and constantly comfort her (me). After the treatment I feel more comfortable leaving my teddy bear alone when I go out. I still need to sleep together with her though but it feels good that I'm growing.
Aw I’m the same way, I recently lost my childhood teddy bear though, so I’ve been a bit anxious/sad. I think that happened for a reason, I’m slowly getting better as well ☺️
@@ginowin3762 oh my goodness I feel so sorry for you. It must be devastating but I'm sure you will get through this! Yes it might have happened for a reason. Or speaking more precisely, it must have happened for your own good!😊😊
When I hear the phrases "you were and you are a great kid" or "Im sorry you had to go through that" I get so emotional. It's aways like this when someone is kind to me in any way, (compliments, invites, empathy, worry, protection etc.) It's almost like that kindness hurts and burns me, I feel like I want to run away and deny it.
You're not alone! I feel that way too. I started dating my boyfriend back in December and I was thanking him for EVERYTHING. Literally even driving us to the store. Which I realized stemmed back to childhood (and further into the narrisstic behavior of my ex's) so it was just hard to accept
I believe thats because this stuff is something you didn't experience much as you were growing up. Youre probably avoidant because that kindness is unfamiliar and are used to being hurt. And maybe. Just maybe, subconsciously, youre worried that if you let your guard down, you'll end up getting the worst of it. I hope you feel a bit more comfortable with these acts of kindness and empathy. :) Take care.
*Not me not paying attention enough and I legit thought the first one is the healthy adult present self talk and being so shocked after the "now for the healthy part!!"* 💀💀💀💀
I really hate feeling like I am a child stuck in an adults body. The inner child within me is stuck at different ages of despair and deep regret. It's been 5 years since I lost saw my parents. Got tired of the abuse and I just packed my stuff and left, but I also wanted to get married. I just feel like I'm not family to them, I also at times feel like a mistake. This is a powerful false truth embedded within me.
I can relate to that so much.. I’m engaged, and my mother is a covert narcissist. My grandmother and uncle are also narcissists, so I’ve cut contact with all of my family. I’m having doubts if I should still have contact with my mom, but I feel like it would be unnatural to not have any of my family members present at our wedding except for my older sister. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to invite my mom and my sister, but not the rest of the family. I’ve talked to my fiancé that my mother won’t be allowed to drink alcohol, and if she says anything rude or behaves rudely, she will be asked to leave. If so, I won’t have any contact with her whatsoever. She’s extremely jealous, so I think that because she hasn’t married anyone, she might get jealous at our wedding and start ruining things. But at least then I have a reason to abandon her. I know it sounds selfish, but that’s my opinion..
@@Soffefee, a “bad” tree doesn’t produce good fruit. Have a nice wedding without worrying when the “ax” is gonna fall. Start your marriage off free from head games. You’re gonna “pay” whether you invite your mom or not.
I totally understand! I have been no contact with my entire immediate family because they are all alcoholic/drug addict narcissists who have abused me my entire time. I finally, at 33 years old and married. to the sweetest man in the world, that I can be myself and be loved for it!! Hallelujah!!
The line at 7:03 - "they set you up to feel like you have to be somebody else to be loved and accepted" - just absolutely wrecked me. I had to pause for 15 minutes and come back... I feel like I've had a breakthrough. Thank you for this
This was so painful to watch. I’m using to telling my inner child, “just get over it” until I can’t hear her anymore. But she never goes away, so the anger/fear/sadness or whatever she’s still feeling just looms and continue to impact how I handle similar situations. I see now that I need to address the situations that arise. Thank you for posting this. It was painful, but necessary.
Wow, your comment is relatable! I cried when he got to the healthy talk. Especially at the end. I knew this was a trigger for me (I have a close friend who is a "Beth", so this really struck home). My unhealthy talk is not telling myself to shut up (it used to be, I got over that because of too many mental breakdowns), but I recognize that I would have let the situation derail when the child mentioned Beth and the soothing parent forced the conversation back onto the bio parents. I would have let it go and I don't know if I would have got to the same ending as a result. I also, sure as I'm sitting here, would not have told my inner child "your parents did you wrong and you're such an amazing, good kid". Hearing that was what got me crying. God, I feel like a huge weight was lifted off me. We need more inner child roleplays like this! It was such a release And really gets you thinking about how you actually talk inside your head. Your video is doing it's intended purpose, Patrick.
My mom would smack the crap out of me when I would fight back at my brother's bullying. I was the youngest of 6. Mom was tired by then and had no interest in my development. I know she didn't want me, because I heard her say so when she wasn't looking. That crushed me. I'm 59 now, 22 years sober and I feel I didn't do my recovery justice until I did this inner child work. Now I have some tools to be happy and aware.
Gosh, I wasn't sure if my childhood would be considered "abuse" but when I saw this "conversation" I started bawling. Maybe, this is something I should talk to my therapist about but I don't really know how to bring it up?
When I wanna talk about a video or podcast I've seen, I take notes on what's relevant to my experience and then take the notes into therapy to remind me what to say.
I think we all "Beth" at times our cptsd makes us cancel cus we feel we are not good enough, will face rejection, have to give sacrificially to be accepted never needing anything in return, how to small talk and not be too intense, how not to overshare, trust and be manipulated - we magnify all our faults and don't get me started on what to wear so people don't think we are wierd! Lifetime of trauma gives an illusion that there is no point, but the devil is a liar! I almost declined a play-date with a new mum today through exhaustion and self sabotage BUT my developing inner parent coaxed me to commit, feel a load has been lifted. Thanks to authentic youTube Educators, Thank you Father God 💕🙌🇬🇧🌱
"Let's just forget it and act normal with her" I see you have found the record that plays on a loop in my mind. I knew it was there, i hear it all the time, but I just didn't know it's name. Now I can shatter it to bits.
I really like your models of the healthy and unhealthy inner talk. I spent years in therapy trying really hard to get it right....but had no reference point to work off of...either in emotional or behavioral response to my inner child, nor in any language that I could use. It was as if I was supposed to magically conjure up something that in my world never even existed. Therapists forget that. Thank you for your videos.
Omg...then second part made me cry...so sweet but hard to tell the exact right things from healthy adult to your inner child because we had never healthy forms of encouraging conversations.
This is great. I've been for months reparenting and it feels like the most fun loving thing in the world and I understand why I was codependent in my relationships and NOW I am able to respond more securely to situations. Attachment theory has revealed the world to me.
@@aishwaryas5734 Gordon Neufeld has great parenting attachment advice, gives insight to our childhood. Michelle Lee Neives on cptsd, The Royal We and Dr Ramani on narcissistic abuse, Sam Vaknin on academic narcissistic insight. God bless you as you heal, Jesus exposed toxicity and lifted up the downtrodden, you are created with inherent worth and value.
I remember after leaving a narcissist abusive relationship I was devastated and I learned that I had to talk to myself like if I was my own mother and this helped me so much. I used to look at myself in the mirror 🪞🥺😭 and talk to myself with so much compassion and it really got me through the darkest times of my life. I love this videos please keep making more. God bless everyone 🥺🙋🏻♀️
Watching the healthy adult talk to the inner child in the role play reminds me of the gentle loving way my husband talks to me. I don’t know if he realizes how much he’s helped me heal my inner child. I’m very thankful for him and make he knows how much I appreciate him. Thanks for sharing this role play!
I feel like this is walking on hot coals, brings up sorrow that I don't even know exists. I go ouch, ooch, ouch like I am walking with my heart when his loving adult speaks, because I had to make my child ok with deep hurts, so lonely, not having anyone to cry about it with. Just huff and push it down. Worst was how critical and bitchy my mom was toward nice women and men other moms and dads who could empathize with my condition I was so drawn to. One of my teachers too, probably saved my life just with her ability to let me close and know her. I actually was invited and went to her wedding with my mom in 2nd grade. She had a "flip" hairdo I loved, a lot like Bewitched. I never wanted to lose her but we moved the next year, felt like a huge loss. I have treated my child so sternly and ignored her voice, feelings and needs on purpose. Its right there though.
This is so incredibly helpful. I’ve never had this modeled before, and I didn’t know so many people also experienced this too. Thank you so much for making this!
I try to have these validating, rational conversations to talk my inner child off of the ledge. But, it’s difficult doing this because my anxiety tries very hard to “talk over” my adult self. If you could advise on how to handle the anxious self I would be very grateful 🙏🏽
That has to be so hard. I've dealt with anxiety, and it feeds into already negative mindsets and bad self talk. One thing I find helpful is to ride out the feeling or thought and to let the brain settle a bit to continue the conversation. When an emotion is allowed to exist without fixation or stifling, it can fizzle out faster. I'm not always good at applying this technique, but it's something I remember from seeing a therapist a while ago. I would love to see a better answer to this than mine though because I am not clinically trained by any means.
As a psychology student going through my own therapy journey right now, these videos are amazing and helping me so much. Like honestly thank you so much for these. Im so happy I came across your channel
I’m 23 and watching this made me realize I 1. Have barely any memory of my childhood and 2. Don’t know what being an adult is. It feels like you have such a wonderful perspective on this “kids” feelings and I have been taking the kids side every time. I really want to learn to talk to myself like this. :)
Thank you, once again for an incredible video. I used to think role playing was SO cornball, and I absolutely HATED IT! But, in retrospect it is so useful. At around 11:25 in this video you mention about people who may be resistant to doing childhood/inner child work, with an attitude of “What’s the point?!? That was so long ago!” and something came to mind. Can you maybe talk more about the barriers to doing inner child work - and particularly TOXIC MASCULINITY - and how that actually hinders men from doing this work. I personally think it’s really been only within maybe the last 10 years where a lot more men have even CONSIDERED therapy as a viable option, let alone “inner-child” work. I can remember for myself, as a man thinking “All right! All right! I’ll do this therapy thing - but I don’t do that ‘childhood s***t!’ That’s bogus!”. And now look. Here I am - realizing it is THE most important piece towards peace. Thank you, Ryan
Wow, this is so interesting and clever Patrick! Felt a bit overwhelming, seeing a personification of that inner child which is so damaged, hurt and in such profound pain and been carried around my whole life.. Wish more therapists were into this.
This is probably the most accurate role play I've ever seen.. it's such a relief when you finally find people that understand what you're going thru. I've felt alone my whole life. My siblings were raised in the same traumatic household, but we all had such different mentalities. I was torn btwn standing up for myself and siblings or conforming, my sister conformed and took on Narc traits, my brother was traumatized but also kind of oblivious to what was happening.. almost like Dependent PD (he was diagnosed as Schizoaffective tho). 6:50 Is it really okay to "hate" that our parents abused us? I mean I know it obviously is, abuse is never acceptable... but it feels like that transitions into hating them as people very easily... especially when they've been so physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. If they were good people, they would've stopped their abuse, and told the other spouse to stop as well. I'm 32 and my parents still abuse me, even today. I know I really need to cut them out permanently, but it seems like the wrong thing to do bc "they are family", and I honestly don't know how to survive without them. When I left for college they abused my brother, he was institutionalized as a result of that trauma and diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. They refused to accept that he was mentally unhealthy, bc it was proof that they were terrible parents and they couldn't handle that. They told him to not take his meds, but yelled at him for failing at everything. He killed himself at 23. I do feel like if I leave them again, they'll abuse someone else, or kill each other, or something terrible will happen. I know if I stay, I will be destroyed.. but it's hard. I've been studying MBTI, OCEAN personality types, and personality disorders. I believe my mother is a Communal/Covert Narcissist, I thought my dad was Schizoid, but now think he has Autism Spectrum Disorder (high functioning). Now that I am able to identify which types are prone to their disorders, I genuinely fear and hate them. To be honest, I hate myself as well, bc I know the dark side of my mentality. I believe I have AvPD and OCPD, agoraphobia, etc. I have the same personality type as Hitler (and Mahatma Gandhi, but good things don't count, right? All he really did was sit down anyways). The Holocaust happened gradually, and Hitler and the Germans were either oblivious or felt like they were doing the right thing. How do I know I'm doing the right thing by hating and abandoning my family? As an Avoidant, abandonment is one of my deepest fears. Lots of psychologists say AvPD is the least harmless PD, but it doesn't feel that way bc of how many negative thoughts I have. PS I live in Mass too! I just found your channel the other day. I watched one of your old videos w an intro that showed an intersection that looked an awful lot like one of Boston's many wicked shitty intersections.. and then a Lechmere bus drove by. LOL. Small world. 😊😊😊 I'm hoping I'll be able to get a session w you. You're the only therapist I've been able to find so far that specializes in parental Narc abuse recovery. I don't think group therapy is for me tho. Thanks for posting videos like this!! It really helps!!!! It's nice to know we're not alone, but most importantly, it's good to know how to fix our problems. 💜💜💜
I had narcissistic parents. Looking back I decided my father was a bit HFA too whereas my mother had had an abusive childhood. You don’t need to hate them! Hate is a draining emotion. You need to stand on one side and see them as they are and learn to speak up and hold the line. Protect your sense of self. If they can cope with that - fine. If they can’t and become abusive - by all means cut or at least severely limit ties. You dont need to hate them but if they are abusive and you actively fear them - cut them out. If they are that bad, your fear of abandonment will be used against you. Mine weren’t as bad as your sound. I just started telling them what I thought. They were able to accept that. For example - I told my mum about my fiancé’s manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviour. She said ‘well I’ve had to put up with worse!’ I just said ‘well I choose not too’. That ended the conversation and she never raised the issue again.
I am 37 and went No Contact finally completely because I once felt like you and I knew it would kill me if I wouldn't go NC. I am finally starting to heal now and it is the best I've done for me and my child and my husband.
It's interesting to come back and read the replies to my original comment. Thank you for your words. It's very encouraging to hear two different approaches be successful for similar situations. 💜💜💜 I've made a lot of improvement within myself, confidence wise and action wise. I've been getting therapy and on Prozac. I've still been depressed but I've been able to do things like plan for the future, do small projects and clean, leave my house, shower regularly, and even get a job that pays a somewhat decent amount and doesn't require too much social interaction. Those are huge accomplishments, considering I hadn't been out of my house for 4 straight months, didn't work for a year, went 21 days without showering and that was not much longer than my norm of not showering. You'd think after all these improvements, my parents would be super proud. My mom has actually been quite supportive, but my ASD ISTP immigrant dad is anything but supportive. He is actively seeking out ways to control and inhibit my progress. My car has been broken for the entire 2 years I wasn't working, and needs some serious engine repair. We agreed that I would work a few months to get money to fix it myself, and I would use my parents' cheap old car to get to work. I have been holding up my end of the deal, with surprisingly few struggles, luckily bc my employer has been so flexible. I even gave my mom $2000 that I had borrowed from her a few years ago and couldn't afford to pay back. Out of nowhere, my father decided to demand that I suddenly fix my car even tho it's about 20 degrees (Fahrenheit/American) outside. Obviously, I was not planning on doing this and therefore said no, so he took away the key to the car I was driving and didn't let me go to work. I had to lie to my boss about what happened. That week I was so upset I had two therapy sessions, and didn't go to work for about two weeks bc I felt worthless and depressed. I finally went back last night, and everyone at work said they thought I wasn't coming back. It is absolutely absurd to be an adult and in this position. It is so depressing and makes me really hate myself and my life. My mother has been so much better (not perfect) so she doesn't deserve to be ignored, but my dad has made absolutely no improvements and doesn't even believe he's doing anything wrong. He is such a tyrannical A**hole. It's not possible to go no contact with only him, bc my parents are still together and can't/won't separate, and I def don't expect them to on my behalf. I have no friends, no significant other, no kids, so if I went no contact I would have zero people in my life. Which sounds like almost heaven.. but I'm not sure that is the healthiest thing for someone with severe depression. How do I get a stubborn old tyrannical narcissistic A**hole to get therapy and be nice to his family? I'm sorry for anyone who has suffered with Narc people in their lives. It is such a crappy life. 💜💜💜
@@unhealthyinfj3530 I hear you, so sorry for the loss of your brother. You CAN get through this, you've got insight and inner strength. I won't tell you what to do but my experience may help, I was a slooow learner, but it came. Empath mother & violent narc dad, both alcoholic, I was youngest and hated for observing truth "why did you smash mummy's face with the table" thus I had lots of "accidents" poor brother was beaten but siblings became manipulative narc bpd suicidal. Step sibling schizophrenic and niece was a suicide victim (the devil whispers lies in your ear. You are loved!) They just took from mum and drove her into the grave in her 40s. Still took me 15yrs to wake up and see the intentional abuse purpetuated by them, the youngest but I became mum even bailing out financially when I was a student believing if I loved/gave/sacrificed more, became invisible and jumped every hoop they'd change their damaging ways. Never asked for anything but still believed their narrative that I was useless and couldn't do anything for myself. I've survived A LOT but saw true colours when I was dying of cancer, I cried out to God and asked if He was real to help me - He miraculously saved my life more than once and woke me up to narcissistic abuse. Sam Vaknin really helped with radical acceptance of what these creatures are, they are wired differently. People choose how they treat you. You choose what you tolerate. I set boundaries initially, but the jealous manipulations worsened, again I was in crises, in a pit and they chose to skip with the rope instead of throwing it down to help me out. I've been no contact for 5yrs with ex narc husband (left house and fled for my life with little ones and a few carrier bags) and 2yrs no contact with narc family just after dad died. It took years to get over mums death, but not so with dad. Do I love & forgive them? YES Is it hard at times, do I miss them? YES Do I regret no contact? NO I've realised how capable, resilient, loving and hard working I am. I will not have my children's children have to get out from under what I'm still healing from. It stops with me. These free 2yrs had me achieve more and guess what, no new drama, trauma, crises, accidents or sabotage. Once you know the Truth the Truth will set you free. Jesus will save you 💖 NOT religion or church, just Jesus.
Hope you’re doing well. Don’t forget, it was your parents who broke the “they are family” contract when they chose to abuse you and your brother as children. You are no longer bound by that.
WOW. I deal with a lot of repressed memories. I have a hard time with IFS therapy because of it, because it's hard to understand my parts without knowing their origins. I was discussing this with my cousin in front of my uncle who has repressed his entire childhood, and he really couldn't understand why I was so bothered. He told me my desire to figure it out is my biggest detriment and "all you can do is move on". in the moment, in my gut I knew he was wrong. I knew he was speaking from a place of hurt even. I've made it far enough in therapy to comprehend that much at least 😅 After thinking about it for a little bit, I kind of told myself that he was being a little ableist and confirmed that I didn't think he was right. thinking on it more didn't really change my mind, but it did make me wonder how much of my efforts are detrimental to me, because I know sometimes they can be. Sometimes I get too stuck, hyperfixated on something and I ruminate to the point of madness. This video was very validating once again, and a good way to explain the fine line between behaving to my detriment and to my betterment.
Wow! This one hit hard. Finally I get the impression I have found someone that understands and has the competency to communicate these concepts. Very refreshing.
Along with so many elements of this video that are difficult for me to come to terms with, I find it difficult to be spoken to by a man in such an empathetic and compassionate way. Part of my brain is trying to figure out if he is being manipulative, while the other part is so thankful and receptive to what he has to say. :-(
God I was wondering if this video represented my case. Just started to cry like a baby hearing that I can be loved for who I am, and I don't have to fake being better
These videos help me a lot, really. I really appreciate people like you who help people heal without trying to get money every turn. You are a light worker 💡❤️
Could you please do a video on narcissistic abuse in a marriage, the resulting physical & mental trauma and how to walk away from the marriage and keep your child safe in doing so.
I think it's really great that you are motivated to leave an abusive relationship. I wish my parents had separated.. I don't think I'd have so many problems if they had.
I found it useful to do something I used to do ask a youth . For me it happens to be a odd situation that is huge and I have no clue how it happened other then the mental side made huge change for me . I randomly lost 57 pounds after throwing my abusers from my youth over a few months after that I went back to my gymnastics and working on my flexibility again . Now I can do my backbends again I am not doing things as dangerous as I used to because I am not 8 anymore . Yet I have to say I felt a connection to my younger self . I wish my parents had just grounded me . I wish they had cared at all but I get the point . For me my inner child I thought never got born at all . I was the one that raised myself the first time around with no tools or clue what to do . I had to make life up as I went . Then I had 2 kids and had to raise them without dealing with any of it . I am just now getting any chance to deal with my life that was filled with others doing what they want to get what they wanted . They never asked me what I wanted or ever thought about me at all . Dad when they divorced when I was 14 he put it into the paperwork that he wanted no visitation he had told me he never loved any of his kids . I did not know at 10 what that was about but now I know the back story to how mom and dad got married . They where a part of a double arranged marriage. Mom married dad she was 13 he was 19 a few years later moms younger sister married dad's brother . It got 4 mouths out of the 2 homes . It also made a massive mess . I do feel undeserving because everyone runs from me . However I am learning to handle the disrespect better then any other time in my life . I deserve so much better then I ever got . I tried to just give everyone around me a better life then others decide I deserved . Well that takes a toll. I put so much more responsibility on myself to be able to be stronger and smarter and more capable then anyone else. They failed so I have to be able to pull off where they failed . I do not care about which wear I am using lol. I started taking control more and it has been nice . I am hopeful . That is huge for me . I shoot for okay I hope to just be able to remember good thinks from day to day . I remember very little due to having to block out so much from 8 to now . At this second I am in I am doing good . I will see how things go over the long term.
This made me cry... Especially the part towards the end when he said "you are worth speaking up for"... Never had anyone tell me that, but maybe I should start telling it to myself.
Wonderfully done! Crying here from pain and pleasure about finally finding something to visually help inner child work. The 'healthy adult' was a wonderful skit. Still learning and glad this channel exists!
I really love watching the role-plays because they show me two things: 1. good tips for how to re-parent myself, 2. I learn that there's no winning with the narcissists (but there are ways to talk with them that maintain our esteem and leave us empowered instead of nearly destroyed).
4 года назад+9
I love all your videos, including this one. My issue is, I am a great time keeper and I hate it when others are repeatedly late. I have lost contacts because of this and I don't see myself changing that way of being. Keep up the good work 😉
*Heads up that the Part 2 analysis videos for these role plays are pure GOLD.* They get less views, yet way the way they break down the unspoken messages and concepts in the role plays is incredibly insightful, educational, and healing. I'll never watch just the first part again! *THANK YOU,* PATRICK!
You were so right! As you were saying my inner child might be nervous about what might come up in this video, I was feeling a nervous tightness in my chest!
Thank you for the helpful roleplay! I'm considering IFS therapy or schema therapy to help me work through my cptsd and I felt this roleplay helped me understand more concretely how IFS might look on the inside as I communicate with my younger parts.
Is this why I feel sad everytime I look at pictures of myself when I was young.. I have been self-parenting since I was 17.. and I just feel pity to my younger self when I wasn't capable yet to take care of her.. might cry. 😔
Same! Its really hard. This video was so triggering, I wasn't expecting this. I feel like I wasn't raised as a child, I just lived in the same house as mum. We just both lived there, and that was as far as the parenting went.
This conversation with healthy adult was great 👌🤔 Hearing healthy mature adults stood up for child and really understand what we went throw and how we feel had very healing/soothing effect on me 💛
Aside from the role play, the best part of this video is the example of invalidation as childhood trauma. Thank you, PT! I’m about 16 years old…at 42. Please, make more videos like this 🙏⭐️🙏
You said 'we deal with our feelings the way our parents told us to' and that hit so hard because I always dismissed my feelings, I was scared to raise issues and speak up for myself because I thought nobody would be on my side. I would constantly find myself in horrible situations and just sit there and smile or look the other way. The problem itself didn't matter, my suffering didn't matter, what mattered was that I go along with everything otherwise I will be the problem and I will be alone.
I gotta say, I was listening to the non-healthy adult and my skin started to crawl. I used to speak to myself that way and understanding it’s wrong, I’m taking that as a good sign I am growing.
Saying "you did the right thing" to the inner child was probably the most powerful part for me. I did the right thing to withdraw and "be invisible" and follow the written and unwritten rules as perfectly as possible (I don't remember ever being spanked though my siblings were, and I got grounded only twice in my whole adolescence). That's just not the right thing anymore. Being invisible is not the right choice anymore, and it's ok to mess up. It's even ok to mess up in a big way. Good job, little me, you got us through some hard stuff. It's ok to take a break and let me take care now. I'll always listen to what you have to say, and I'll always consider your thoughts and perspectives. I'll also take the burden of responsibly so you can rest after your long quest through the dragon's lair. You got us here; I'll take on the dragon, and we'll both come out triumphant and wealthy beyond imagining.
I am totally one with my inner child and paradoxically I am mostly terrified of enmeshment in my relationship with my spouse. I am thinking maybe this is why boundaries never worked for me cause I am too identified with my inner child. Hopefully I will get better at them when I stop my inner child from running my life. Thank you so much for this role play! I don’t know how therapists expect us to understand this stuff. They told me to journal and rant on paper and get in touch with the inner child, they didn’t mention the inner child only the physical adult so, it never worked for me. Thank you again!🙏🏼🙏🏼
This video. These comments from others who understand. 😭😭😭 I waited my whole life to be "chosen". It seems I was taught this somehow, to wait to be chosen. It never occurred to me I could choose to be ME. I could CHOOSE to grow up. I could CHOOSE my friends. I could CHOOSE a husband. But....be me cause I was taught to wait around to be chosen, when someone would come along, it was abusive people. Toxic. Now I see I have a choice.
I learned cleaning on Sat was validation. How sad . Was told I was a better child after a good beating . I now realize when I threw her weapons behind the fridge ( not a cleaner ) they would be not discovered. Survival mode . She tried to pin the abuse on my father prior to her death . When I had my kids , was why would you want to hit someone below your knee cap ? Does dad hit you ? Make perfect sense to me know . I broke that behavior in my family. My one sibling still is a fan this behavior. Baa baa me the scapegoat. I’ve learned so much watching your channel and will be ordering the courses .
This hit me hard. I’ve read about IFS models but this made it much more concrete and accessible. Love young Patrick’s AT-AT shirt. Would definitely have been buds back in the 80s if I saw him wearing that on the playground.
The unhealthy is too familiar and listening to the healthy adult, what if I told you I was the healthy adult my whole life??? "You were and you are a really great kid".... that made me cry 🌹✨
Wow! This thought occurred to me when watching your healthy adult role play, Patrick: Mr Rogers would give you a Metal 🥇 for the work you do to help others heal. I mean this as a sincere compliment. You Rock!
I chose to forgive my parents and my grandma for all the wrongs they have done to me. I held a grudge against them for many years only to realize that I am hurting myself and missing out on my life. Now, I am thankful to my dad and mom for bringing me to this world. Despite of the emotional and physical abuse they did to me, I chose to accept them for who they are and love them. It’s such a liberating feeling! I am at peace. Every day am taking responsibility for my own life. I (52 year old adult) am in charge of my life and not my inner child anymore. The past is gone and I decided not to go there.
I have a question. I hope you can answer. I am 23 years old, stuck living with my parents. I wanna move out and get away from them, but every time i notice the toxicity and abuse towards me from my parents i feel sooooo sad for them and i want to comfort them and i want to fix them. I get this horrible feeling inside my stomach every time i think that they're toxic and that i actually have to get away from them. I don't understand what this means and i don't have a word for it, so i can't search it. I feel sorry for them and i discard all my plans to leave or end the relationship or even to put up boundaries. This feeling has been keeping me back all my life, however I'm always trying to escape. Please help.
I'm not a professional but I'll tell you what I've learned from my own escape and time afterwards. There is a significant possibility that you are by nature a relatively compassionate person, which is both a good thing and a potential disadvantage. The disadvantage is that you tend to put others' needs first. People like this have a difficult time advocating for their own needs and subsequently building up resentment over unmet needs. If you want to look more into this, check Jordan Peterson's RUclips lectures on agreeableness. He's a personality psychologist on faculty at University of Toronto who has thousands upon thousands of hours of clinical experience. Added to this is that some (many?) dysfunctional families and narcissists like to play the victim. They have probably figured out that you tend to soothe them, and they're content to exploit it with impunity. On this point, you may want to look at the work of RUclips channels Inner Integration, Ross Rosenberg, and... Growth after abuse? I think was the third one. Ross Rosenberg is especially good for understanding the unique dynamics between narcissists and those they exploit - it takes a certain type of person to be exploited. Here's the problem. If they're acting inappropriately, you're not helping anyone by shielding them from the consequences. You most certainly aren't helping them sense what's wrong with their ways; in fact, you're blurring the picture. When people act like 2-year-olds, one of the most effective ways to persuade them is to let reality slap them in the face. You don't even necessarily need to do anything; just stop yourself from trying to make them feel better about the situations they get themselves into. Their actions, their consequences. Not your decision? Not your responsibility. (Actually, some of their consequences will spill into your life, but you deal with that part and no more.) If they don't respect you as a person, they will not change regardless of what you say. They just want to use you. You are not worth less than them. At the least, you are equal, another human being. You have your own life to live, your own purpose to attend to. If you haven't understood what it is - which is likely if they've told you your entire life that it's just to make their lives more comfortable - you need to go find out. None of us was made for coddling people who act inappropriately and letting them continue as fools. They will try to manipulate and trick you into believing that. Don't support narcissism. Do the entire human race and yourself a favour. You might feel bad for them, but refuse to give in to their abuse anyways. Whether they change or not is their responsibility, not yours. Don't try to do their job. If you want to look more into this, Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote a book titled Boundaries, which you might find really helpful. Find people who understand you and support your desire to end the abuse. I was surprised and appalled how difficult it was. Everyone kept saying to me some combination of "you should respect your parents", "they might be flawed but they're your parents so they definitely love you", "how can you say that about your parents" etc. But you are the one who knows your own experience. Don't let them deface you with their generalizations when they haven't seen what you have and suffered what you have suffered. If you can't find help anywhere else, go to the RUclips channel Psych2go. But ideally you will find a professional who understands the true nature of your situation and maybe some support group. And avoid trying to take them head-on. You've crumbled every single time so far, right? So you haven't developed the strength and skills to confront them like that and preserve your sense of self and of dignity. You do not owe to them to explain yourself nicely, not after the way they treat you. You don't owe it to them any more than you owe anybody anything, least of all them because they have a history of violence against you. No reasonable person faults someone for running from an attacker. Run like your life depends on it, because they really are destroying your life. You weren't made to be a footstool for narcissists. There are options for you. Become what you were meant to be, a human being with dignity, respected by others.
You actually help THEM when moving out. I know because I've had the same situation for 30 years. Only after I set my boundaries clearly my mother started to develop a healthy personality. So through your staying there you support their impediments. Is as though you constantly carry a baby and thus prevent the toddler to start walking. Or it's like you serve alcohol to an addict. You are the alcohol and your parents are the addicts.
Yeah. Like me, you Could be an empath with one or more parents exhibiting narcissistic abuse. In this situation, you have been molded by them to be their supply of narcissistic energy. They do this to you so that they can prey on you and your emotions. Therapy, videos here on RUclips can be helpful but u must be smart. Not all therapists understand narcissism and the narcissist would usually just manipulate the entire therapy setting. Work on yourself, don't make a big deal about it keep it to yourself. Nothing constructive will come from u sharing this with them. You cannot help them, but u can help yourself. Learn about what narcissistic personality disorder is. Try to figure out if it is both or just one of your folks. Look at family history, look for patterns like yours or, each family has a child who can do no wrong and the opposite, a child who can do nothing right. Build a support system, including a good therapist. I myself am not a mental health professional and I am not capable of diagnosing anyone but I am a recovering victim of abuse and I know that from the gaslighting its tuff to keep your head on straight.
Thank you for your effort of making these videos. I have a 4 yo son who I feel I am not treating right all the time. This got me thinking a lot about my own childhood and the deeper I dig, the angrier I get at my parents for putting so many obstacles in my way. I'm just glad I discovered these problems and can start working on them. You're really helping a lot.
I love these role plays. Really helps to make points clear and relatable. Also liked PT's description and analysis before the role play where he said about it not actually being about changing the Inner Child but how change comes about as a side product from just being the heathy adult. I've definitely become more aware of this from dialoguing with my inner child over the past few months. It just changes without you even being conscious of it. Unconscious competence i think it's called or at least moving in that positive direction. I'm ever so grateful to PT for his help and his gifts and energy. It realky has brought relief and some greater emotional freedom and confidence to my daily life. I can experience joy. I direct anyone i come into contact with, to PTs channel, and I work with many people who have experienced or are experiencing childhood trauma. Thanks Patrick and God Bless you 🙏 ❤ God bless each of you here reading this. May you find your truth and peace.
Thank you so so much, you have save my life. I can’t afford trauma therapy so I came across your videos, thank you so much 😊 you have thought me so much, I’m so bless you make this videos I’ll keep watching and learning till I’m a better be and help my inner child
Oh man, once it got to the healthy adult role play, I just started bawling. This video hit hard and really makes it clear to me I need to do inner child work. Even though my family situation was different than the example, I could still relate so much to the feelings involved. It's that abandonment of the self and expectation of future abandonment because you were emotionally abandoned as a child that is so relatable.
Awesome!! It's so helpful to see examples. Lol I loved it when the child said, "she's a girl" when the adult asked how Beth is different from the dad. So cute and realistic. 💓
The first time I apologized to my inner child was freeing. It gets easier to talk to her on a daily bases and become that parent I needed. Although alien. I literally have a checklist of self care that should have been done for/showed to me, which I follow just for my inner child.
I find it funny how I underestimate trigger warnings on these videos. I'm like: "pfft! That's not gonna trigger me!" 3 minutes into the roleplay I'm in full blown rage.
This is so adorable when he talks to the inner child in the yellow hat. This is t he best inner child video I've ever seen. This is so guiding and healing.
thank you Patric, you are doing amazing job explaining these behaviours. I cannot thank you enough for this help, i really hope i can be a present healthy adult one day.
God healing ur inner child as an adjusted adult by reparenting has been so helpful for me and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. This was so sweet to watch, thank you!!
That's what I hate: "Why are you dredging all of THAT up again?". Because it's my truth and I am still raw about it to a point. Not getting closure on something like this can be debilitating! I am trying to find a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma now so I can work through things. The stuff that happened in my youth shaped me as an adult. I have struggled horribly, but I want to get better.
Yes, the work of Margaret Paul is really, really useful. (I also love Richard Schwartz parts work). However by actualising the dialogue you have taken things to an amazing new level Patrick (and team). Clearly, these are incredibly helpful to hundreds of thousands of people who can't afford therapy, or can't find a therapist with this level of skill. Im recommending this work to all of my clients (who have found it powerful, and yes, triggering). Thank you for bringing this to the world 🙏
😢It’s terrible when ‘healthy talk’ triggers me. I’m sure some will understand.
I do. If my wife speaks healthy talk to me, my inner child resists it, hard.
It feels like mocking sarcasm.
Totally get this. Feeling a bit choked up at that part.
95 people understand me 😥
@@HiThereImFootloose omg yes I thought I was the only one
Wow. I wasn't expecting this to be so triggering. I wouldn't describe my parents as narcissistic, but they certainly weren't interested in knowing me as a person. My usual way of dealing with rejection has always been avoidance. As a result, I'm a pretty lonely adult.
Yes me too. It does lead to loneliness. I think Patrick is definitely helping. I hope you start to feel better. 😼🧙♀️
@@darkangelkate3950 prayers that the 3 of us feel much better 😣
I feel you.
same here. ❤
Please do more inner child mock sessions. I like having example
Yes that was super helpful. I’ve heard the term for at least 15-20 years and literally had no clue about any of it. The role plays are awesome.
Yes! The mock sessions/skits are extremely helpful!
Agreed!
It's hard for me to do this because as the scapegoat I have a hard time being able to blame what others did to me
Not gonna lie, I started crying when he started talking about how his interests got pushed to the side growing up but that doesn’t mean they aren’t interesting. Like, that’s me! I always got shamed for liking things and always got pushed to the side because my sister was more energetic and demanded attention and god, I just stopped trying to exist. I tried to fade away, I never asked for anything, I never spoke even when conversations were about things I liked. I just pushed myself away. I have to explore that more. Great video! Thank you!! I’m going to heal one way or another eventually!
So with you! Same here...
“I just stopped trying to exist” broke my heart. Me too. I didn’t want to die, exactly. I just wanted to never have been. Better times ahead. You exist, and you’re awesome.
First, you are lovable, why? Because God made you in His likeness & because He loved us first. You always have a best friend in him! Seek Him out 1st & know your inner self. You’ll find out you are pretty darn cool to hangout with. Seek God and His Kingdom & all these good things will be added to your life. Love you in the name of Christ Jesus.
@@2Loisr Why is it necessary to think an imaginary person loves me so I can feel loved at all? That is what nowadays social media imfluencers are for. They say they love you and how awesome you are and they are real.
My therapist had this with me and it really worked. I used to carry my teddy bear around since 12. I even carry the bear with me to the university and attend the lectures and exams together. Some people find me weird but I was fortunate enough to have no one being rude to me because of my teddy bear (or someone did but I didn't care). Anyway I got into therapy and figured out that the need for me to carry the bear was because I was too anxious and hurt inside and I needed a thing to represent my inner child and constantly comfort her (me). After the treatment I feel more comfortable leaving my teddy bear alone when I go out. I still need to sleep together with her though but it feels good that I'm growing.
Aw I’m the same way, I recently lost my childhood teddy bear though, so I’ve been a bit anxious/sad. I think that happened for a reason, I’m slowly getting better as well ☺️
@@ginowin3762 oh my goodness I feel so sorry for you. It must be devastating but I'm sure you will get through this! Yes it might have happened for a reason. Or speaking more precisely, it must have happened for your own good!😊😊
Oh. My. God. Only now I realized why I still need my teddy while sleeping 🥺 thank you so much for sharing your story and being vulnerable ❤️
@@user-cu1yo7ty5j i m looking for a good therapist, patrick and everyone else is booked out😩
When I hear the phrases "you were and you are a great kid" or "Im sorry you had to go through that" I get so emotional. It's aways like this when someone is kind to me in any way, (compliments, invites, empathy, worry, protection etc.) It's almost like that kindness hurts and burns me, I feel like I want to run away and deny it.
You're not alone! I feel that way too. I started dating my boyfriend back in December and I was thanking him for EVERYTHING. Literally even driving us to the store. Which I realized stemmed back to childhood (and further into the narrisstic behavior of my ex's) so it was just hard to accept
I believe thats because this stuff is something you didn't experience much as you were growing up. Youre probably avoidant because that kindness is unfamiliar and are used to being hurt. And maybe. Just maybe, subconsciously, youre worried that if you let your guard down, you'll end up getting the worst of it.
I hope you feel a bit more comfortable with these acts of kindness and empathy. :)
Take care.
@@julesv5670 thanking for everything or excessively saying sorry common wounded child patterns
I have the same reaction! The kindness of the healthy adult in this video brought me to tears
I have the same feelings too
It's hard
*Not me not paying attention enough and I legit thought the first one is the healthy adult present self talk and being so shocked after the "now for the healthy part!!"* 💀💀💀💀
I really hate feeling like I am a child stuck in an adults body. The inner child within me is stuck at different ages of despair and deep regret. It's been 5 years since I lost saw my parents. Got tired of the abuse and I just packed my stuff and left, but I also wanted to get married. I just feel like I'm not family to them, I also at times feel like a mistake. This is a powerful false truth embedded within me.
I can relate to that so much.. I’m engaged, and my mother is a covert narcissist. My grandmother and uncle are also narcissists, so I’ve cut contact with all of my family. I’m having doubts if I should still have contact with my mom, but I feel like it would be unnatural to not have any of my family members present at our wedding except for my older sister.
But I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to invite my mom and my sister, but not the rest of the family. I’ve talked to my fiancé that my mother won’t be allowed to drink alcohol, and if she says anything rude or behaves rudely, she will be asked to leave. If so, I won’t have any contact with her whatsoever. She’s extremely jealous, so I think that because she hasn’t married anyone, she might get jealous at our wedding and start ruining things. But at least then I have a reason to abandon her. I know it sounds selfish, but that’s my opinion..
@@Soffefee, a “bad” tree doesn’t produce good fruit. Have a nice wedding without worrying when the “ax” is gonna fall. Start your marriage off free from head games. You’re gonna “pay” whether you invite your mom or not.
@@Soffefee I'd personally not invite your mother and sincerely wish you all the best friends in life I know you deserve.
I totally understand! I have been no contact with my entire immediate family because they are all alcoholic/drug addict narcissists who have abused me my entire time.
I finally, at 33 years old and married. to the sweetest man in the world, that I can be myself and be loved for it!!
Hallelujah!!
@@Soffefee how did the wedding go?
The line at 7:03 - "they set you up to feel like you have to be somebody else to be loved and accepted" - just absolutely wrecked me. I had to pause for 15 minutes and come back... I feel like I've had a breakthrough. Thank you for this
This was so painful to watch. I’m using to telling my inner child, “just get over it” until I can’t hear her anymore. But she never goes away, so the anger/fear/sadness or whatever she’s still feeling just looms and continue to impact how I handle similar situations. I see now that I need to address the situations that arise. Thank you for posting this. It was painful, but necessary.
Wow, your comment is relatable!
I cried when he got to the healthy talk. Especially at the end. I knew this was a trigger for me (I have a close friend who is a "Beth", so this really struck home).
My unhealthy talk is not telling myself to shut up (it used to be, I got over that because of too many mental breakdowns), but I recognize that I would have let the situation derail when the child mentioned Beth and the soothing parent forced the conversation back onto the bio parents. I would have let it go and I don't know if I would have got to the same ending as a result. I also, sure as I'm sitting here, would not have told my inner child "your parents did you wrong and you're such an amazing, good kid". Hearing that was what got me crying. God, I feel like a huge weight was lifted off me.
We need more inner child roleplays like this! It was such a release And really gets you thinking about how you actually talk inside your head. Your video is doing it's intended purpose, Patrick.
I was the same way, Marie. For a very long time. Every now and I then I feel myself wanting to revert to that - but, no way.
My mom would smack the crap out of me when I would fight back at my brother's bullying. I was the youngest of 6. Mom was tired by then and had no interest in my development. I know she didn't want me, because I heard her say so when she wasn't looking. That crushed me. I'm 59 now, 22 years sober and I feel I didn't do my recovery justice until I did this inner child work. Now I have some tools to be happy and aware.
I am very happy for you.
Gosh, I wasn't sure if my childhood would be considered "abuse" but when I saw this "conversation" I started bawling. Maybe, this is something I should talk to my therapist about but I don't really know how to bring it up?
Me too
Same here
My family didn’t seem like abuse either. We had 4 siblings and even with best intentions neglect of our emotions happend.
I can relate ! Love this video !
When I wanna talk about a video or podcast I've seen, I take notes on what's relevant to my experience and then take the notes into therapy to remind me what to say.
Burst out crying when he said, "You are worth speaking up for." Also I'm feeling kinda attacked by his description of Beth 🙈
I think we all "Beth" at times our cptsd makes us cancel cus we feel we are not good enough, will face rejection, have to give sacrificially to be accepted never needing anything in return, how to small talk and not be too intense, how not to overshare, trust and be manipulated - we magnify all our faults and don't get me started on what to wear so people don't think we are wierd! Lifetime of trauma gives an illusion that there is no point, but the devil is a liar! I almost declined a play-date with a new mum today through exhaustion and self sabotage BUT my developing inner parent coaxed me to commit, feel a load has been lifted. Thanks to authentic youTube Educators, Thank you Father God 💕🙌🇬🇧🌱
I am disorganized "Beth", lol. Though I try not to cancel on people!
I feel attacked lol
Omg. I did too. I didnt expect to get so triggered.
I'm 49 yrs its taken this dam long before anything has made sense to me.i cant thank you enough.....👍
Ditto, but sadly I'm 65....?
Ditto.... but 41
Ya 36 years and i’m 59
I had to be 60 my friend
Sometimes the journey is long my friend. But we're still standing aren't we-- xo
"you know you are, and you where a really great kid"
The inner child: HA funni joke
hehe so true
"Let's just forget it and act normal with her"
I see you have found the record that plays on a loop in my mind. I knew it was there, i hear it all the time, but I just didn't know it's name. Now I can shatter it to bits.
“They set you up to feel like you had to be somebody else to be loved and accepted.” Even if it wasn’t intentional, it hurts.
i wish my parents weren't so codependent and emotionally abusive, I feel so alone
You're not alone. We're all right there with you babe
You are not alone. 💕
Not alone
You are not alone.
I see you Gloria
I really like your models of the healthy and unhealthy inner talk. I spent years in therapy trying really hard to get it right....but had no reference point to work off of...either in emotional or behavioral response to my inner child, nor in any language that I could use. It was as if I was supposed to magically conjure up something that in my world never even existed. Therapists forget that. Thank you for your videos.
yes! thank you for voicing that! ❤
The child version is so cute, the innocence we had
Omg...then second part made me cry...so sweet but hard to tell the exact right things from healthy adult to your inner child because we had never healthy forms of encouraging conversations.
This is great. I've been for months reparenting and it feels like the most fun loving thing in the world and I understand why I was codependent in my relationships and NOW I am able to respond more securely to situations. Attachment theory has revealed the world to me.
So glad to hear about your healing... are there any more sources you might recommend to people just beginning this journey?
@@aishwaryas5734 codependency. Lisa A. Romano, personal development school and Brianna McWilliam
@@aishwaryas5734 Gordon Neufeld has great parenting attachment advice, gives insight to our childhood. Michelle Lee Neives on cptsd, The Royal We and Dr Ramani on narcissistic abuse, Sam Vaknin on academic narcissistic insight. God bless you as you heal, Jesus exposed toxicity and lifted up the downtrodden, you are created with inherent worth and value.
I remember after leaving a narcissist abusive relationship I was devastated and I learned that I had to talk to myself like if I was my own mother and this helped me so much.
I used to look at myself in the mirror 🪞🥺😭 and talk to myself with so much compassion and it really got me through the darkest times of my life. I love this videos please keep making more.
God bless everyone 🥺🙋🏻♀️
This actually made me tear up when the healthy adult really “held” the inner child❤️
Watching the healthy adult talk to the inner child in the role play reminds me of the gentle loving way my husband talks to me. I don’t know if he realizes how much he’s helped me heal my inner child. I’m very thankful for him and make he knows how much I appreciate him. Thanks for sharing this role play!
Thank you for being on RUclips!!
Amen!! Thank you Patrick 👍🤗
I feel like this is walking on hot coals, brings up sorrow that I don't even know exists. I go ouch, ooch, ouch like I am walking with my heart when his loving adult speaks, because I had to make my child ok with deep hurts, so lonely, not having anyone to cry about it with. Just huff and push it down.
Worst was how critical and bitchy my mom was toward nice women and men other moms and dads who could empathize with my condition I was so drawn to. One of my teachers too, probably saved my life just with her ability to let me close and know her. I actually was invited and went to her wedding with my mom in 2nd grade. She had a "flip" hairdo I loved, a lot like Bewitched. I never wanted to lose her but we moved the next year, felt like a huge loss.
I have treated my child so sternly and ignored her voice, feelings and needs on purpose. Its right there though.
Could you get in contact with the old teacher or let her know the impact on your life?
omg this almost made me cry...so sad...the bubbles of tears coming up, I guess this means I have work to do. lol
This is so incredibly helpful. I’ve never had this modeled before, and I didn’t know so many people also experienced this too. Thank you so much for making this!
I try to have these validating, rational conversations to talk my inner child off of the ledge. But, it’s difficult doing this because my anxiety tries very hard to “talk over” my adult self. If you could advise on how to handle the anxious self I would be very grateful 🙏🏽
That has to be so hard. I've dealt with anxiety, and it feeds into already negative mindsets and bad self talk. One thing I find helpful is to ride out the feeling or thought and to let the brain settle a bit to continue the conversation. When an emotion is allowed to exist without fixation or stifling, it can fizzle out faster. I'm not always good at applying this technique, but it's something I remember from seeing a therapist a while ago.
I would love to see a better answer to this than mine though because I am not clinically trained by any means.
As a psychology student going through my own therapy journey right now, these videos are amazing and helping me so much. Like honestly thank you so much for these. Im so happy I came across your channel
I’m 23 and watching this made me realize I 1. Have barely any memory of my childhood and 2. Don’t know what being an adult is. It feels like you have such a wonderful perspective on this “kids” feelings and I have been taking the kids side every time. I really want to learn to talk to myself like this. :)
"If she can't handle this, she might not be the greatest friend for us." 👏👏👏 9:42
It's so beautiful to see the evolution of the conversation inner child-adult :)
Now I c it.
Thank you, once again for an incredible video. I used to think role playing was SO cornball, and I absolutely HATED IT! But, in retrospect it is so useful. At around 11:25 in this video you mention about people who may be resistant to doing childhood/inner child work, with an attitude of “What’s the point?!? That was so long ago!” and something came to mind.
Can you maybe talk more about the barriers to doing inner child work - and particularly TOXIC MASCULINITY - and how that actually hinders men from doing this work. I personally think it’s really been only within maybe the last 10 years where a lot more men have even CONSIDERED therapy as a viable option, let alone “inner-child” work.
I can remember for myself, as a man thinking “All right! All right! I’ll do this therapy thing - but I don’t do that ‘childhood s***t!’ That’s bogus!”. And now look. Here I am - realizing it is THE most important piece towards peace. Thank you, Ryan
Wow, this is so interesting and clever Patrick! Felt a bit overwhelming, seeing a personification of that inner child which is so damaged, hurt and in such profound pain and been carried around my whole life.. Wish more therapists were into this.
This is probably the most accurate role play I've ever seen.. it's such a relief when you finally find people that understand what you're going thru. I've felt alone my whole life. My siblings were raised in the same traumatic household, but we all had such different mentalities. I was torn btwn standing up for myself and siblings or conforming, my sister conformed and took on Narc traits, my brother was traumatized but also kind of oblivious to what was happening.. almost like Dependent PD (he was diagnosed as Schizoaffective tho).
6:50 Is it really okay to "hate" that our parents abused us? I mean I know it obviously is, abuse is never acceptable... but it feels like that transitions into hating them as people very easily... especially when they've been so physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. If they were good people, they would've stopped their abuse, and told the other spouse to stop as well.
I'm 32 and my parents still abuse me, even today. I know I really need to cut them out permanently, but it seems like the wrong thing to do bc "they are family", and I honestly don't know how to survive without them. When I left for college they abused my brother, he was institutionalized as a result of that trauma and diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. They refused to accept that he was mentally unhealthy, bc it was proof that they were terrible parents and they couldn't handle that. They told him to not take his meds, but yelled at him for failing at everything. He killed himself at 23. I do feel like if I leave them again, they'll abuse someone else, or kill each other, or something terrible will happen. I know if I stay, I will be destroyed.. but it's hard. I've been studying MBTI, OCEAN personality types, and personality disorders. I believe my mother is a Communal/Covert Narcissist, I thought my dad was Schizoid, but now think he has Autism Spectrum Disorder (high functioning).
Now that I am able to identify which types are prone to their disorders, I genuinely fear and hate them. To be honest, I hate myself as well, bc I know the dark side of my mentality. I believe I have AvPD and OCPD, agoraphobia, etc. I have the same personality type as Hitler (and Mahatma Gandhi, but good things don't count, right? All he really did was sit down anyways). The Holocaust happened gradually, and Hitler and the Germans were either oblivious or felt like they were doing the right thing. How do I know I'm doing the right thing by hating and abandoning my family? As an Avoidant, abandonment is one of my deepest fears. Lots of psychologists say AvPD is the least harmless PD, but it doesn't feel that way bc of how many negative thoughts I have.
PS I live in Mass too! I just found your channel the other day. I watched one of your old videos w an intro that showed an intersection that looked an awful lot like one of Boston's many wicked shitty intersections.. and then a Lechmere bus drove by. LOL. Small world. 😊😊😊 I'm hoping I'll be able to get a session w you. You're the only therapist I've been able to find so far that specializes in parental Narc abuse recovery. I don't think group therapy is for me tho. Thanks for posting videos like this!! It really helps!!!! It's nice to know we're not alone, but most importantly, it's good to know how to fix our problems. 💜💜💜
I had narcissistic parents. Looking back I decided my father was a bit HFA too whereas my mother had had an abusive childhood.
You don’t need to hate them! Hate is a draining emotion. You need to stand on one side and see them as they are and learn to speak up and hold the line. Protect your sense of self. If they can cope with that - fine. If they can’t and become abusive - by all means cut or at least severely limit ties.
You dont need to hate them but if they are abusive and you actively fear them - cut them out. If they are that bad, your fear of abandonment will be used against you.
Mine weren’t as bad as your sound. I just started telling them what I thought. They were able to accept that.
For example - I told my mum about my fiancé’s manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviour. She said ‘well I’ve had to put up with worse!’
I just said ‘well I choose not too’. That ended the conversation and she never raised the issue again.
I am 37 and went No Contact finally completely because I once felt like you and I knew it would kill me if I wouldn't go NC. I am finally starting to heal now and it is the best I've done for me and my child and my husband.
It's interesting to come back and read the replies to my original comment. Thank you for your words. It's very encouraging to hear two different approaches be successful for similar situations. 💜💜💜
I've made a lot of improvement within myself, confidence wise and action wise. I've been getting therapy and on Prozac. I've still been depressed but I've been able to do things like plan for the future, do small projects and clean, leave my house, shower regularly, and even get a job that pays a somewhat decent amount and doesn't require too much social interaction. Those are huge accomplishments, considering I hadn't been out of my house for 4 straight months, didn't work for a year, went 21 days without showering and that was not much longer than my norm of not showering.
You'd think after all these improvements, my parents would be super proud. My mom has actually been quite supportive, but my ASD ISTP immigrant dad is anything but supportive. He is actively seeking out ways to control and inhibit my progress. My car has been broken for the entire 2 years I wasn't working, and needs some serious engine repair. We agreed that I would work a few months to get money to fix it myself, and I would use my parents' cheap old car to get to work. I have been holding up my end of the deal, with surprisingly few struggles, luckily bc my employer has been so flexible. I even gave my mom $2000 that I had borrowed from her a few years ago and couldn't afford to pay back. Out of nowhere, my father decided to demand that I suddenly fix my car even tho it's about 20 degrees (Fahrenheit/American) outside. Obviously, I was not planning on doing this and therefore said no, so he took away the key to the car I was driving and didn't let me go to work. I had to lie to my boss about what happened. That week I was so upset I had two therapy sessions, and didn't go to work for about two weeks bc I felt worthless and depressed. I finally went back last night, and everyone at work said they thought I wasn't coming back.
It is absolutely absurd to be an adult and in this position. It is so depressing and makes me really hate myself and my life. My mother has been so much better (not perfect) so she doesn't deserve to be ignored, but my dad has made absolutely no improvements and doesn't even believe he's doing anything wrong. He is such a tyrannical A**hole. It's not possible to go no contact with only him, bc my parents are still together and can't/won't separate, and I def don't expect them to on my behalf. I have no friends, no significant other, no kids, so if I went no contact I would have zero people in my life. Which sounds like almost heaven.. but I'm not sure that is the healthiest thing for someone with severe depression. How do I get a stubborn old tyrannical narcissistic A**hole to get therapy and be nice to his family?
I'm sorry for anyone who has suffered with Narc people in their lives. It is such a crappy life. 💜💜💜
@@unhealthyinfj3530 I hear you, so sorry for the loss of your brother. You CAN get through this, you've got insight and inner strength. I won't tell you what to do but my experience may help, I was a slooow learner, but it came. Empath mother & violent narc dad, both alcoholic, I was youngest and hated for observing truth "why did you smash mummy's face with the table" thus I had lots of "accidents" poor brother was beaten but siblings became manipulative narc bpd suicidal. Step sibling schizophrenic and niece was a suicide victim (the devil whispers lies in your ear. You are loved!)
They just took from mum and drove her into the grave in her 40s. Still took me 15yrs to wake up and see the intentional abuse purpetuated by them, the youngest but I became mum even bailing out financially when I was a student believing if I loved/gave/sacrificed more, became invisible and jumped every hoop they'd change their damaging ways. Never asked for anything but still believed their narrative that I was useless and couldn't do anything for myself. I've survived A LOT but saw true colours when I was dying of cancer, I cried out to God and asked if He was real to help me - He miraculously saved my life more than once and woke me up to narcissistic abuse. Sam Vaknin really helped with radical acceptance of what these creatures are, they are wired differently. People choose how they treat you. You choose what you tolerate.
I set boundaries initially, but the jealous manipulations worsened, again I was in crises, in a pit and they chose to skip with the rope instead of throwing it down to help me out. I've been no contact for 5yrs with ex narc husband (left house and fled for my life with little ones and a few carrier bags) and 2yrs no contact with narc family just after dad died. It took years to get over mums death, but not so with dad.
Do I love & forgive them? YES
Is it hard at times, do I miss them? YES
Do I regret no contact? NO I've realised how capable, resilient, loving and hard working I am. I will not have my children's children have to get out from under what I'm still healing from. It stops with me.
These free 2yrs had me achieve more and guess what, no new drama, trauma, crises, accidents or sabotage. Once you know the Truth the Truth will set you free. Jesus will save you 💖 NOT religion or church, just Jesus.
Hope you’re doing well. Don’t forget, it was your parents who broke the “they are family” contract when they chose to abuse you and your brother as children. You are no longer bound by that.
WOW.
I deal with a lot of repressed memories. I have a hard time with IFS therapy because of it, because it's hard to understand my parts without knowing their origins. I was discussing this with my cousin in front of my uncle who has repressed his entire childhood, and he really couldn't understand why I was so bothered. He told me my desire to figure it out is my biggest detriment and "all you can do is move on". in the moment, in my gut I knew he was wrong. I knew he was speaking from a place of hurt even. I've made it far enough in therapy to comprehend that much at least 😅
After thinking about it for a little bit, I kind of told myself that he was being a little ableist and confirmed that I didn't think he was right. thinking on it more didn't really change my mind, but it did make me wonder how much of my efforts are detrimental to me, because I know sometimes they can be. Sometimes I get too stuck, hyperfixated on something and I ruminate to the point of madness.
This video was very validating once again, and a good way to explain the fine line between behaving to my detriment and to my betterment.
Wow! This one hit hard.
Finally I get the impression I have found someone that understands and has the competency to communicate these concepts. Very refreshing.
Along with so many elements of this video that are difficult for me to come to terms with, I find it difficult to be spoken to by a man in such an empathetic and compassionate way. Part of my brain is trying to figure out if he is being manipulative, while the other part is so thankful and receptive to what he has to say. :-(
God I was wondering if this video represented my case. Just started to cry like a baby hearing that I can be loved for who I am, and I don't have to fake being better
These videos help me a lot, really. I really appreciate people like you who help people heal without trying to get money every turn. You are a light worker 💡❤️
definitely ❤
Could you please do a video on narcissistic abuse in a marriage, the resulting physical & mental trauma and how to walk away from the marriage and keep your child safe in doing so.
I think it's really great that you are motivated to leave an abusive relationship. I wish my parents had separated.. I don't think I'd have so many problems if they had.
Patrick: Thank you.
I need to listen to my own inner, supportive, encouraging voice.
How we speak to children becomes your inner voice - This hit me hard
Same here.
I found it useful to do something I used to do ask a youth . For me it happens to be a odd situation that is huge and I have no clue how it happened other then the mental side made huge change for me . I randomly lost 57 pounds after throwing my abusers from my youth over a few months after that I went back to my gymnastics and working on my flexibility again . Now I can do my backbends again I am not doing things as dangerous as I used to because I am not 8 anymore . Yet I have to say I felt a connection to my younger self . I wish my parents had just grounded me . I wish they had cared at all but I get the point . For me my inner child I thought never got born at all . I was the one that raised myself the first time around with no tools or clue what to do . I had to make life up as I went . Then I had 2 kids and had to raise them without dealing with any of it . I am just now getting any chance to deal with my life that was filled with others doing what they want to get what they wanted . They never asked me what I wanted or ever thought about me at all . Dad when they divorced when I was 14 he put it into the paperwork that he wanted no visitation he had told me he never loved any of his kids . I did not know at 10 what that was about but now I know the back story to how mom and dad got married . They where a part of a double arranged marriage. Mom married dad she was 13 he was 19 a few years later moms younger sister married dad's brother . It got 4 mouths out of the 2 homes . It also made a massive mess . I do feel undeserving because everyone runs from me . However I am learning to handle the disrespect better then any other time in my life . I deserve so much better then I ever got . I tried to just give everyone around me a better life then others decide I deserved . Well that takes a toll. I put so much more responsibility on myself to be able to be stronger and smarter and more capable then anyone else. They failed so I have to be able to pull off where they failed . I do not care about which wear I am using lol. I started taking control more and it has been nice . I am hopeful . That is huge for me . I shoot for okay I hope to just be able to remember good thinks from day to day . I remember very little due to having to block out so much from 8 to now . At this second I am in I am doing good . I will see how things go over the long term.
This made me cry... Especially the part towards the end when he said "you are worth speaking up for"... Never had anyone tell me that, but maybe I should start telling it to myself.
Wonderfully done! Crying here from pain and pleasure about finally finding something to visually help inner child work. The 'healthy adult' was a wonderful skit. Still learning and glad this channel exists!
Oh my God. I didn't even realize this is what my self-talk sounded like until I heard it out loud.
I really love watching the role-plays because they show me two things: 1. good tips for how to re-parent myself, 2. I learn that there's no winning with the narcissists (but there are ways to talk with them that maintain our esteem and leave us empowered instead of nearly destroyed).
I love all your videos, including this one. My issue is, I am a great time keeper and I hate it when others are repeatedly late. I have lost contacts because of this and I don't see myself changing that way of being. Keep up the good work 😉
*Heads up that the Part 2 analysis videos for these role plays are pure GOLD.* They get less views, yet way the way they break down the unspoken messages and concepts in the role plays is incredibly insightful, educational, and healing. I'll never watch just the first part again! *THANK YOU,* PATRICK!
“You are worth speaking up for” 😭😭😭 it’s something I’ve been telling myself a lot lately. I’m crying hearing someone else say that out loud.
The moment I realized I can parent myself changed my life
I love your introduction
You were so right! As you were saying my inner child might be nervous about what might come up in this video, I was feeling a nervous tightness in my chest!
Thank you for the helpful roleplay! I'm considering IFS therapy or schema therapy to help me work through my cptsd and I felt this roleplay helped me understand more concretely how IFS might look on the inside as I communicate with my younger parts.
It’s like I’ve been silently screaming that my hair is on fire my whole life and surprised that no one can hear me. 😱
Honestly I can't thank you enough for making these videos. My inner child has been really crying for help recently.
Is this why I feel sad everytime I look at pictures of myself when I was young.. I have been self-parenting since I was 17.. and I just feel pity to my younger self when I wasn't capable yet to take care of her.. might cry. 😔
Same! Its really hard. This video was so triggering, I wasn't expecting this. I feel like I wasn't raised as a child, I just lived in the same house as mum. We just both lived there, and that was as far as the parenting went.
WOW: "You are worth speaking up for." Amazing to hear that.
This conversation with healthy adult was great 👌🤔 Hearing healthy mature adults stood up for child and really understand what we went throw and how we feel had very healing/soothing effect on me 💛
On my goodness. This has me tearing up. Thank you.
Aside from the role play, the best part of this video is the example of invalidation as childhood trauma. Thank you, PT! I’m about 16 years old…at 42. Please, make more videos like this 🙏⭐️🙏
This is so helpful, thank you so much!
Ooo. That made my heart hurt when you said you know it's not good to tell people you're mad at them. That's exactly how I feel.
You said 'we deal with our feelings the way our parents told us to' and that hit so hard because I always dismissed my feelings, I was scared to raise issues and speak up for myself because I thought nobody would be on my side. I would constantly find myself in horrible situations and just sit there and smile or look the other way. The problem itself didn't matter, my suffering didn't matter, what mattered was that I go along with everything otherwise I will be the problem and I will be alone.
I gotta say, I was listening to the non-healthy adult and my skin started to crawl. I used to speak to myself that way and understanding it’s wrong, I’m taking that as a good sign I am growing.
Saying "you did the right thing" to the inner child was probably the most powerful part for me. I did the right thing to withdraw and "be invisible" and follow the written and unwritten rules as perfectly as possible (I don't remember ever being spanked though my siblings were, and I got grounded only twice in my whole adolescence). That's just not the right thing anymore. Being invisible is not the right choice anymore, and it's ok to mess up. It's even ok to mess up in a big way. Good job, little me, you got us through some hard stuff. It's ok to take a break and let me take care now. I'll always listen to what you have to say, and I'll always consider your thoughts and perspectives. I'll also take the burden of responsibly so you can rest after your long quest through the dragon's lair. You got us here; I'll take on the dragon, and we'll both come out triumphant and wealthy beyond imagining.
wow i love this so much
Gosh, that was painful. The video topic describes me to a T.
I am totally one with my inner child and paradoxically I am mostly terrified of enmeshment in my relationship with my spouse. I am thinking maybe this is why boundaries never worked for me cause I am too identified with my inner child. Hopefully I will get better at them when I stop my inner child from running my life.
Thank you so much for this role play! I don’t know how therapists expect us to understand this stuff. They told me to journal and rant on paper and get in touch with the inner child, they didn’t mention the inner child only the physical adult so, it never worked for me. Thank you again!🙏🏼🙏🏼
This is SO validating.
This video. These comments from others who understand. 😭😭😭
I waited my whole life to be "chosen". It seems I was taught this somehow, to wait to be chosen. It never occurred to me I could choose to be ME. I could CHOOSE to grow up. I could CHOOSE my friends. I could CHOOSE a husband.
But....be me cause I was taught to wait around to be chosen, when someone would come along, it was abusive people. Toxic.
Now I see I have a choice.
"You are worth speaking up for." 💗
I learned cleaning on Sat was validation. How sad . Was told I was a better child after a good beating . I now realize when I threw her weapons behind the fridge ( not a cleaner ) they would be not discovered. Survival mode . She tried to pin the abuse on my father prior to her death . When I had my kids , was why would you want to hit someone below your knee cap ? Does dad hit you ? Make perfect sense to me know . I broke that behavior in my family. My one sibling still is a fan this behavior. Baa baa me the scapegoat. I’ve learned so much watching your channel and will be ordering the courses .
This hit me hard. I’ve read about IFS models but this made it much more concrete and accessible.
Love young Patrick’s AT-AT shirt. Would definitely have been buds back in the 80s if I saw him wearing that on the playground.
The unhealthy is too familiar and listening to the healthy adult, what if I told you I was the healthy adult my whole life???
"You were and you are a really great kid".... that made me cry 🌹✨
Wow! This thought occurred to me when watching your healthy adult role play, Patrick: Mr Rogers would give you a Metal 🥇 for the work you do to help others heal. I mean this as a sincere compliment. You Rock!
I chose to forgive my parents and my grandma for all the wrongs they have done to me. I held a grudge against them for many years only to realize that I am hurting myself and missing out on my life. Now, I am thankful to my dad and mom for bringing me to this world. Despite of the emotional and physical abuse they did to me, I chose to accept them for who they are and love them. It’s such a liberating feeling! I am at peace. Every day am taking responsibility for my own life. I (52 year old adult) am in charge of my life and not my inner child anymore. The past is gone and I decided not to go there.
I have a question. I hope you can answer. I am 23 years old, stuck living with my parents. I wanna move out and get away from them, but every time i notice the toxicity and abuse towards me from my parents i feel sooooo sad for them and i want to comfort them and i want to fix them. I get this horrible feeling inside my stomach every time i think that they're toxic and that i actually have to get away from them. I don't understand what this means and i don't have a word for it, so i can't search it. I feel sorry for them and i discard all my plans to leave or end the relationship or even to put up boundaries. This feeling has been keeping me back all my life, however I'm always trying to escape. Please help.
I'm not a professional but I'll tell you what I've learned from my own escape and time afterwards.
There is a significant possibility that you are by nature a relatively compassionate person, which is both a good thing and a potential disadvantage. The disadvantage is that you tend to put others' needs first. People like this have a difficult time advocating for their own needs and subsequently building up resentment over unmet needs. If you want to look more into this, check Jordan Peterson's RUclips lectures on agreeableness. He's a personality psychologist on faculty at University of Toronto who has thousands upon thousands of hours of clinical experience.
Added to this is that some (many?) dysfunctional families and narcissists like to play the victim. They have probably figured out that you tend to soothe them, and they're content to exploit it with impunity. On this point, you may want to look at the work of RUclips channels Inner Integration, Ross Rosenberg, and... Growth after abuse? I think was the third one. Ross Rosenberg is especially good for understanding the unique dynamics between narcissists and those they exploit - it takes a certain type of person to be exploited.
Here's the problem. If they're acting inappropriately, you're not helping anyone by shielding them from the consequences. You most certainly aren't helping them sense what's wrong with their ways; in fact, you're blurring the picture. When people act like 2-year-olds, one of the most effective ways to persuade them is to let reality slap them in the face. You don't even necessarily need to do anything; just stop yourself from trying to make them feel better about the situations they get themselves into. Their actions, their consequences. Not your decision? Not your responsibility. (Actually, some of their consequences will spill into your life, but you deal with that part and no more.)
If they don't respect you as a person, they will not change regardless of what you say. They just want to use you. You are not worth less than them. At the least, you are equal, another human being. You have your own life to live, your own purpose to attend to. If you haven't understood what it is - which is likely if they've told you your entire life that it's just to make their lives more comfortable - you need to go find out. None of us was made for coddling people who act inappropriately and letting them continue as fools. They will try to manipulate and trick you into believing that. Don't support narcissism. Do the entire human race and yourself a favour. You might feel bad for them, but refuse to give in to their abuse anyways. Whether they change or not is their responsibility, not yours. Don't try to do their job. If you want to look more into this, Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote a book titled Boundaries, which you might find really helpful.
Find people who understand you and support your desire to end the abuse. I was surprised and appalled how difficult it was. Everyone kept saying to me some combination of "you should respect your parents", "they might be flawed but they're your parents so they definitely love you", "how can you say that about your parents" etc. But you are the one who knows your own experience. Don't let them deface you with their generalizations when they haven't seen what you have and suffered what you have suffered. If you can't find help anywhere else, go to the RUclips channel Psych2go. But ideally you will find a professional who understands the true nature of your situation and maybe some support group.
And avoid trying to take them head-on. You've crumbled every single time so far, right? So you haven't developed the strength and skills to confront them like that and preserve your sense of self and of dignity. You do not owe to them to explain yourself nicely, not after the way they treat you. You don't owe it to them any more than you owe anybody anything, least of all them because they have a history of violence against you. No reasonable person faults someone for running from an attacker. Run like your life depends on it, because they really are destroying your life.
You weren't made to be a footstool for narcissists. There are options for you. Become what you were meant to be, a human being with dignity, respected by others.
You actually help THEM when moving out. I know because I've had the same situation for 30 years. Only after I set my boundaries clearly my mother started to develop a healthy personality. So through your staying there you support their impediments. Is as though you constantly carry a baby and thus prevent the toddler to start walking. Or it's like you serve alcohol to an addict. You are the alcohol and your parents are the addicts.
Run!!!! Run fast and run hard.
@@ilyaibrahimovic9842 22 and in a very similar situation. Big thanks
Yeah. Like me, you Could be an empath with one or more parents exhibiting narcissistic abuse. In this situation, you have been molded by them to be their supply of narcissistic energy. They do this to you so that they can prey on you and your emotions. Therapy, videos here on RUclips can be helpful but u must be smart. Not all therapists understand narcissism and the narcissist would usually just manipulate the entire therapy setting. Work on yourself, don't make a big deal about it keep it to yourself. Nothing constructive will come from u sharing this with them. You cannot help them, but u can help yourself. Learn about what narcissistic personality disorder is. Try to figure out if it is both or just one of your folks. Look at family history, look for patterns like yours or, each family has a child who can do no wrong and the opposite, a child who can do nothing right. Build a support system, including a good therapist. I myself am not a mental health professional and I am not capable of diagnosing anyone but I am a recovering victim of abuse and I know that from the gaslighting its tuff to keep your head on straight.
That was . . . enlightening, by which I mean vaguely terrifying, I mean enlightening. Thank you.
Perfect timing!
Thank you for your effort of making these videos.
I have a 4 yo son who I feel I am not treating right all the time. This got me thinking a lot about my own childhood and the deeper I dig, the angrier I get at my parents for putting so many obstacles in my way. I'm just glad I discovered these problems and can start working on them. You're really helping a lot.
I love these role plays. Really helps to make points clear and relatable. Also liked PT's description and analysis before the role play where he said about it not actually being about changing the Inner Child but how change comes about as a side product from just being the heathy adult. I've definitely become more aware of this from dialoguing with my inner child over the past few months. It just changes without you even being conscious of it. Unconscious competence i think it's called or at least moving in that positive direction. I'm ever so grateful to PT for his help and his gifts and energy. It realky has brought relief and some greater emotional freedom and confidence to my daily life. I can experience joy. I direct anyone i come into contact with, to PTs channel, and I work with many people who have experienced or are experiencing childhood trauma. Thanks Patrick and God Bless you 🙏 ❤ God bless each of you here reading this. May you find your truth and peace.
This video gave me a big hug 😂 uggghhhh !!! My parents were terrible
Thank you so so much, you have save my life. I can’t afford trauma therapy so I came across your videos, thank you so much 😊 you have thought me so much, I’m so bless you make this videos
I’ll keep watching and learning till I’m a better be and help my inner child
Patrick Teahan: Your role play demonstrations are so helpful. Thank you! 🙂
Oh man, once it got to the healthy adult role play, I just started bawling. This video hit hard and really makes it clear to me I need to do inner child work. Even though my family situation was different than the example, I could still relate so much to the feelings involved. It's that abandonment of the self and expectation of future abandonment because you were emotionally abandoned as a child that is so relatable.
I’m just amazed to think that some people literally have all of this go on inside their head for minutes on end
Awesome!! It's so helpful to see examples. Lol I loved it when the child said, "she's a girl" when the adult asked how Beth is different from the dad. So cute and realistic. 💓
I got to talk to my inner child. I'm inspired by this video
I didn't tear up until the end. This is amazing. Thanks for making these videos. I think the portrayal was very accurate.
The first time I apologized to my inner child was freeing. It gets easier to talk to her on a daily bases and become that parent I needed. Although alien. I literally have a checklist of self care that should have been done for/showed to me, which I follow just for my inner child.
I find it funny how I underestimate trigger warnings on these videos. I'm like: "pfft! That's not gonna trigger me!" 3 minutes into the roleplay I'm in full blown rage.
This is so adorable when he talks to the inner child in the yellow hat. This is t he best inner child video I've ever seen. This is so guiding and healing.
thank you Patric, you are doing amazing job explaining these behaviours. I cannot thank you enough for this help, i really hope i can be a present healthy adult one day.
God healing ur inner child as an adjusted adult by reparenting has been so helpful for me and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. This was so sweet to watch, thank you!!
That's what I hate: "Why are you dredging all of THAT up again?". Because it's my truth and I am still raw about it to a point. Not getting closure on something like this can be debilitating! I am trying to find a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma now so I can work through things. The stuff that happened in my youth shaped me as an adult. I have struggled horribly, but I want to get better.
Yes, the work of Margaret Paul is really, really useful. (I also love Richard Schwartz parts work). However by actualising the dialogue you have taken things to an amazing new level Patrick (and team). Clearly, these are incredibly helpful to hundreds of thousands of people who can't afford therapy, or can't find a therapist with this level of skill. Im recommending this work to all of my clients (who have found it powerful, and yes, triggering). Thank you for bringing this to the world 🙏