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Fucked up families need the scapegoat child, the golden child, the failure child, the sacrificed child. Keep doing the opposite and stay at it. Leave them to wallow in their own shit. Keep going your doing great. Your the winner ❤️💋😍

Your loved lovely and lovable ❤️😍💋

I was with my partner for 20 years and monogamous. It's possible. A lot of people looked down on it, saying "How is that possible?" well it is if 2 people want it. We got married 10 years into the relationship, we were not really part of the gay scene, coffee, travel, dinner and a movie, kayaking, most of our friends were straight and married. I can't relate to the gay single lifestyle, sadly my husband died of brain cancer April 2022, Its been terrible since. I dated a narcissist a year ago, left him, went on 10-15 coffee dates which was a joke. They can't hold jobs, they are in the closet, they don't have long relationships, they have tons of drama, I do think dating App's have ruined it for anyone looking for monogamy, I'm looking for something I won't find on dating App's. I met Andy through a mutual friend we all worked together it was a different time, there were no dating app's. I've come to terms with being alone and staying alone which sucks because I'm only 42.

John 3:16 JESUS SAVES

I am a ex jw and I love Jesus Christ so very much

I feel you on this and understand where your coming from. When you stir the pot karma does catch up to those whom starts drama.

You are a shark, you belong in the ocean...little fish swim with the current in little creeks...travel, find your happiness...you have to train your mind to be so strong that nothing can affect you...I love this video so much...anyone who doesn't want to be influenced by this society feels out of place...😍😍😍

It's important to vent all the time with like-minded people. We are all going through the same things and need to connect with one another. Not all women are angels. Men are better men when they have positive relationships with other men. Quit smoking for your own good.

Gay, lonely and single at 65.😞 It seems all you guys here (in your 30s/40s) still have a long way to go. Courage, then. 🤗 ps: are you all in the US? Europe anyone?

No. I meet my husband at 39. I’am 53. The day you will decide what you really want. Really want . You will reject all the unfit guys.

Just came across this video. Made me tear up, I'm 65 and no one in my family ever told me they were proud of me. Now they are all gone and it's just me. Thank you for this.

Invest in yourself first!!!! you are a Darling Honey!!!!

You attract the vibe you put out!!!

Focus on yourself and the right person will come to you don't chase attract the right partner vibe attracts vibe universal law no 1!!!!!

Check out spirituality to help your heal some of that attachment problems for your side as well it help me in a gay marriage of 18 years, you deserve to put yourself first!!!

I can totally relate to your dating situation, I am a Transwoman , 27 , and I can 100% relate to you. I guess people that we are looking for , like the one’s in our checklist are the one’s who aren’t into commitment, and being cutesy with someone, I tried dating 2 guys who really wants to be with me and Personally asked me to be exclusive with them, and somehow, even i tried to look past the checklist, I still can’t gamble myself to loving someone who I really am not into in the first place. Idk what to do at this point so I guess im just gonna wait for the people im intereated in to grow up or get tired of playing around and be ready to settle

Gay men are not taught what to do in a relationship. I have been married to a man for the last 7 years. Both men dating or in a relationship have to learn to compromise and learn to please one another. You learn to engage in what your date likes to do while he learns to enjoy what you like. It is good for both guys to enjoy whatever both of you are doing even if it is not what you selected. On one date, you go where he wants and on the next date, he goes where you want to go. The other person is why you are dating. Sometimes or at all times, both of you can go dutch on who pays for the dinners while dating. The whole idea of dating or a relationship is based upon compromise to make it a success. It is sometimes better to join a gay organization engaging in a hobby that you enjoy doing. Then, you will already find a guy that enjoys the same hobby that you already enjoy. Now, gay men are joining groups with gay and straight members. A gay bar is somewhere where you find people who enjoy drinking alcohol. Not that you cannot find a decent man in a bar, but it might be better to look elsewhere for a quality guy. Yes, being in any relationship requires being vulnerable and sharing personal information about yourself and vice versa. You do not have to share everything on your first dates. You have to expect that your date will not always say what you would like. As a person, I have said a lot of things that I later regretted. Every guy is a work in progress. You have to overlook a lot of comments. Unless the guy is out to offend or hurt you, yoi might give him a benefit of a doubt. But remember if the date does not turn into a relationship, you learned something from the experience. It is not the end of the world. All gay men have had dates that do not always result in a relationship. Be grateful for the experience that you met the other person. Eventually, you will find someone. I hope my suggestions help. Only you can decide what is best for you.

I am also in favor of monogamy. I am an older guy, but have experienced theft, assault, dishonesty, playing for your mind, never really into a relationship. Thought I would have found someone by now, but struggling to get someone. I think in my opinion, being single is a better option

Social media and dating apps warps guys view on dating... they'll see you but have other guys in their shopping cart ready to go. This feeds how guys treat each other, promotes narcissism, and that the grass is always greener. So glad I came out and starting seeing guys in the early 90's, it was much simpler, you had to go out and meet people. I was lucky, I met my partner very early and we've been together 30 years now. Lord knows how I'd deal with dating today, as it just seems so toxic. Good luck to you mate, be true to yourself and you'll be fine. Also, 28 is not old, so stop feeding that narrative. :) x

This was very informative man thanks

I think it has more to do with being human in a disjointed world rather than being gay. It's exactly the same in the heterosexual world. People equate relationships to other parts of their life, in that it must have a payout come with it. There must be "something" in it for "me". When you have very few expectations, wants, desires and put it out to the universe quietly and with grace it will come back. First one must stop wanting in a desperate way. The worst people came into my life when I was being neurotically needy. Your neither. 💚

Honestly gay life can be very lonely! Not that I'm not intellectual or do not have the ability to make friends. It's just the lifestyle of the community has its criteria That I feel I do not fit.

Hugggs..... Too you. My love... I'm dealing with same n too all here specking from your heart ❤️.... Yes, mind games.. . . I'm Italian, Maltese..... 😂 The gay community is so very, vane

I'm 30 yr old gay, never been in a relationship, it's really hard to find a partner within the community that is not full of themselves, pretentious, superficial and all about lust, I'd rather be single than with someone that is toxic. I want a simple gay men.

You’re beautiful and perfect physically, remember everyone we only know this man’s side of the story and in a world of narcissistic traits and mental Abuse ,everyone needs to practice accountability and mindfulness, mental health is number one for me

My Boyfriend just broke with me ( I did catch him cheating ) after 5 years of the relationship. Now I am 28 and forced to be single..

Ooop clock it. Same here, turned 29 lonely, gay and single

Im 16 days away from been 30, I been out and about, longest relationship was probably 6 months to a year and men just dont ever seem to want me for a relationship always attract the ones the are looking for sex. Sadly i don't think I ever experienced what people say " falling in love" is always been I like this person but they just dont go further than something deeper. It use to bug me so much and hated this feeling hopelessness in love, but as time went im realizing that maybe that idea of love im seeking maybe just isn't for me or isn't real and thays okey because maybe the version of love thats for me is not meant to be " normal". Sometimes we get stuck in our ideal way to seek love and what if in this lifetime I'm supposed to have something different.

I have to say been gay sucks terrible in every point of life the community sucks, gay dating sucks, relationships sucks all these gays want is party do drugs and hookup with all the guys available on earth and be superficial no one want anything serious but when they are old they are crying about been lonely, l’m 28 and single AF.😏

I’m on the other side of this. I was with my partner and husband of 20 years, he was my soul mate, my entire adult life from 20 years old until 40. He died of Glioblastoma brain cancer 2.5 years ago. We were happy and monogamous. which is incredibly rare. i don’t fit into the “gay world” we liked kayaking, biking, going to coffee, the theatre, travelled. lived the simple life outside the city. We didn’t even have really any hay friends, mostly straight married couples, so now I’m in a world of a selfish narcissist and sex addicts. I think its the dating apps that have ruined dating, now polyamorous, thruples and open seems to be the standard and they still play around on the side. i mean if it works for them great. not what i’m looking for. I’m 42 now and there is a strong possibility I will be alone into my 50’s and 60’s, if I make it to that age. I also find it really hard to make friends as you get older and its almost impossible to have gay friends, all they want is to sleep with you. But I totally get what you’re saying. it sucks you have not experienced it.

Wow this is totally me too and what I go through!! You're AMAZING and so glad I've watched this! Hope you find Mr right soon gorgeous! ❤✌️

He speaks slowly. Play at 1.25x You won't notice that the speed has been increased. The silent pauses can still take forever to get through.

That was me ten years ago. Now I'm ... gay, lonely and single at 38. 😂

I hear your inner feelings that we should talk about with people that feel the same way. You will get through this keep strong and when you find divine love you'll know when it enters your life.

You just go out and get some sex. This is how people have helped themselves to get over stuff.

I think you don't attract those kinds of people, but, sadly, there are so many traumatized, abused, affection starved queer people out there, and that affects our interpersonal relationships. I'm a people pleaser myself, and I also felt like being taken advantage of in the past, it makes it very hard to be vulnerable. But I think a good first step is to be happy with yourself, and where you are. You're so young, there's no rush, and if you go in a relationship with all these weights, it's only going to be a detriment to yourself. I found my current partner after I was comfortable being by myself, and it has been a journey; learning to be vulnerable, working on differences, being there for each other. You'll probably never find a perfect person, "the one", those people don't exist, no one will ever match all your desires in a partner, but I'm sure you'll eventually find someone that loves you, isn't abusive and wants to be with you, and is willing to work on your relationship to make it the best it can be. Wishing you the best!

I'm 32. It sounds like you are pursuing people who don't want a relationship my friend. Yes, they might not be very clear with you or open about what they want. But let their actions speak for themselves. And also, Grindr, don't use that app to meet men you want to be in a relationship with, not saying it doesn't happen, but the majority of people on that app are NOT looking for long term relationships. Use another app. And stick to your morals, have your 10 non-negotiables, and if it doesn't work out with someone, it doesn't work out! no hard feelings, they weren't someone you connected with. I met my boyfriend of 3 years (future husband) while volunteering at a local LGBTQ+ community center. Do your thing, but look for people who want the same thing, straight from the beginning. Be clear with what you want straight out of the door. You want someone who wants the same things and if someone is turned off by that, then they aren't the right person for you at that moment. I would be careful about lumping our community (gay men) into one box, we are a very diverse community. And some people struggle because they have been through very difficult situations and circumstances. We all struggle with being selfish, that is human. Look at yourself, focus on your growth and self-inquiry. You will attract someone who does the same.

32. Have had to reckon with a lot of abusive dynamics starting from home life as a kid. The idea of romance as it exists today is a cover for toxicity that facilitates coercive abuse and using partners as a fleshlight. Most people are not suites for relationships. This isn't new- look at all the people who stayed together despite the fact that they drag each other down. The dirty secret is that those picture perfect relationships are extremely rare. Most people are too damaged to genuinely invest themselves in other people. Being with those people is not better than solitude. Adults mostly never become wise or mature. The reason we're raised with morals in fairy tales is that there has always been a deep need. The community has really become very sick. It is mostly not a supportive place anymore. It's competitive and really sketchy. Your impulse to please or reconcile with people doesn't just come from a place of accountability, it comes from a fear of rejection. Many people have learned to pull this lever, and the moment you apologize they absorb the message, "I have something to be angry about!" because they are immature. You are suffering from a different kind of immaturity. There are ways to maneuver this world with idealism and empathy but it cannot happen while you value yourself for your relationships to others. Recovery is never complete. Any change is change. Seeking a relationship is not the solution to your problems.

<3 i feel that too

I'm older than you now, and I've gone through phases like this. Maybe it's them and their issues, maybe it's our issues too, and together it makes it impossible to last. I had a bf who started putting me down and enjoying it, and I usually have pretty good self esteem. Didn't last of course, because I could never forgive him. Him refusing to apologize for it, didn't help his case one bit. This is just one example. Narcissism, macho man mentality, power struggles, past traumas, etc. all comes to a boil in LTRs. My take: enjoy your life single (yes, you'll get there), focus on your good friends (not club friends/there's a place for those too, but on the fringe) and career, and don't even think of a LTR. If it happens, great, and take your bloody time. But if not, you won't be disappointed, or feeling bad. And I mean long lasting LTRs, because the shorter ones, everyone will have those. As long as you truly enjoy your life with the people in it, you'll feel good anyway. Most of my best times were with best friends, people I really felt comfortable with. LTRs can be a lot of drama. Who needs that?! The mother of a good gay friend told me once that her marriage had lasted more than 50 years. She asked me, you know how many years happy or content in that LTR? Maybe half. And you'll need to put up with A LOT of crap, even abuse. I don't think many of us are willing to compromise or put up with any of that. Sign of the times, unrealistic expectations, the culture of "me", who knows. Cut yourself some slack and focus on good friends and having a content, sometimes happy, life. The rest may come later on.

Same situation as you just minus the lonely. Finding someone to share it with would be wonderful but if I don't meet that special person/soul mate, I still have so much in my life to be happy and grateful for.

I totally understand you. I've done the same thing where I try to protect myself and end up closing all bridges for vulnerability with another guy. I'd say the solution is to take your time to heal, I would recommend reading Byung-chul Han The Agony of Eros in which he talks that the current paradigm breeds a narcissistic epidemic. I don't think it's only us gays but our problem is that we have a reduced pool of potential suitors and perhaps more importantly a limited space where encounters can happen.

I live in Phoenix here in the US and it's the exact same thing here. However try being 46 and lonely and single. I don't really use apps but instead go to bars and even bathhouses. Have been doing that on and off for 20 years and the number of even just decent men has been very few. It's really sad. Most gay men here in Phoenix are only into hooking up once, drugs, money, or otherwise have a very toxic and off-putting personality. The funny thing is that 99% of these men don't even look good and don't take care of themselves (overweight, some don't even bathe or brush their teeth). I don't even consider it a "community" anymore. Most gay men despise each other and stab each other in the back. I'm so over it. I really want to meet a nice man who is humble, down to Earth, and attractive, but it's literally like looking for a grain of salt in a haystack, never mind a needle. Cheers.

Two things are certain… you are worth dating and love does exist for you in this lifetime… keep trying ❤ we’re on the same boat but we’ll see land one day, babe. I promise.

Ciao caro Tu sei adorabile , sensibile , empatico , profondo e con intelligenza emotiva … vedrai ! Troverai il vero amore , arriva quando non lo aspetti ma il tuo cuore lo riconoscerà … investi su di te e non permettere a nessuno di usarti e non rispettarti ! Un caro abbraccio dall ‘ Italia ! Perché non fai un viaggio a Firenze , Roma e Venezia ? Ciaooo e buona vita

Good luck. My experience says that 99% of gay guys are as you describe. It appears very convoluted: influences from genetics, family dynamics, stereotyping, and other factors. My help and solution has been with a "shrink" of some sort. It can be very enlightening but getting through change and acceptance is not for the faint of heart. It is very painful but no other way. Once on the other side it's like Nirvana. Try it but commit to the change - no matter what it feels like.

I met my husband on Grindr I almost closed the App before I met him because of all the sex and craziness on there don’t give up try a different app maybe but it was going through a lot of crap to find something good. I had relationships like you mentioned I will put up with it for a short time then I would go toe to toe with them we had some explosive fights but if they love you they will comeback and even meet you halfway.

I completely understand this and how you are feeling. Damn, I wish we were closer and in the same country 🫣 stay strong. You will find your soulmate. Stay vulnerable, its a great quality. Peace, light and love to you.

Gay men are looking for someone who acts straight And is muscular. If you don’t meet that then you’re doomed

I don’t want to be gay, it’s been nothing but heartache, I’ve never much been in the pride scene and especially now, I think the pride lgbtq agenda is evil. I am a Christian as well so I have conservative views on most things and because of that I have not found my footing or a partner. And I think I’ve been vulernable many times but have been cheated on every time so of course it’s made me want to put walls up and cause paranoia. It’s difficult to draw the line between what you know is wrong and right and question what you should be willing to put off and what not too or when to walk away and when not too. But I think if someone doesn’t value you and thats shown more with actions than words, that’s not love, that’s not your person. Because people that love you don’t want to hurt you. We might not relate on the Christian conservative aspect but I can relate to much of what you said. People want to complicate it and excuse their partners actions because of those rose colored glasses but often the answer is right in front of your face and you just don’t want to see it and that’s been me before.