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I didn't know the term "compassion fatigue" before this video; always nice to learn something new. (I guess it's like the hyper-empathy and empathy burnout/emotional burnout process, but for neurotypicals?)

You are one of a kind, Laura! Thank you to both you and others that are helping kids and families in crisis in such a beautiful and intensional way ❤❤

It sucks that even the kindest people can LITERALLY run out of the energy it takes to care. Been there.

I love this. As an adult getting out of an abusive relationship when i had the chance to choose toys for my baby and the first time I saw our new apartment i completely broke down crying. It was so overwhelming. It was not that i was not grateful, i was but it was just too much. I can't imagine that pressure on a child. I like how you present your video. Because the first parent is so kind and generous but she's expecting excitement and the child will likely be too overwhelmed and lost for that.

Thank you for this! Oof, more proof im burned out and need to leave my homeless services/ rent assistance job. I've heard so many awful stories and cant help people that I avoid talking to clients, and even feel cold and mad when someone new and bubbly comes in. (I assume they are bubbly because they dont know I cant help them yet. If they havent been through extreme chronic trauma, it will be 6 months if not a year before we can help them. No real end date. I just need to convince myself that leaving is good even if it feels like letting a lot of people down in the short term. Im much less able to be good than before.

I used to foster kittens and have experienced a lot of this. As a foster to humans, your job is a lot more pressure, responsibility, etc but i was surprised to see similarities from burning out with kitten fostercare

I've never seen these scratch-off notes before, super cute idea

I'm just getting a little tired of being abused and then being told to "take care of you!" Like that makes someone else's actions okay. This is gaslighting, and it's why I quit teaching.

If you want your child to eat whatever is good, just serve whatever is for the family; If he wont eat he ll have to wait till the next meal. Asking so many questions is turning them into brats. That’s how I grew up and that’s the same way I raised three. They are healthy adults; my daughter decides what her children have for meals. No processed foods, no junk.

Im a momma of a special needs nonverbal in guardianship court bc he's about to turn 18.... the caregiver drain is some thing i just learned about from a nurse on here. We all need this reminder. 18 years in, i wish someone would have told me about sooner. My kid deserves a present momma...18yrs of 💀 defeats drains and thats human.

This sucks because its true, and growing up as foster kid i lost hope in most parents in general, parents not patental figures and basically yhis makes me believe that if a child came with a receipt and return policy most parents would just return their children after behavior gets hard to deal with. I grew up with behavior problems and was bounced around so many times because of my trauma and behaviors. Never got properly cared for. As an adult its really hard for me to sympathize with parents and foster parents because you should have never welcomed this child into your life if you were jist going to give up when stuff gets difficult or was completely not capable of meeting this childs needs. Most bio parents cant because of, religion, fear of judgment from others, fear of getting in trouble with the law, and emotional attachments because of biological relations to the child. Thats not the same for foster parents and foster kids. Im not saying all foster parents are evil but ive seen the dark sidebof what a child goes through when absolutely nobody cares and it crushes a kid forever.

Another issue (Not for children scared of men per se) is giving too many options to a child who was never given any. I currently have trouble making decisions, and often, that's because I overthink the tiniest details of each decision, and it paralyzes me. Yes, having control and being able to make decisions is crucial, but it can also be overwhelming if you've never had that... You have no idea how long it takes me to decide if I want to wear thigh-high socks, crew socks, or knee socks (never ankle socks cause they're scratchy, I end up focusing on the strange feeling around my ankles, like they're being strangled by vines)... It's not even an important decision, but it takes WAY too long, and I hate it.

What resources are there for parents in this situation?

Love this

I nannied for 2 Beautiful foster kids, a girl and boy and both had an appreciation toward middle aged to elderly women due to their previous experiences, and the foster mom was extremely unsuitable to foster, she would take it personally when they avoided her and would actually yell at them for being "rude" (they just asked to sit with me on the recliner rather than be next to her on the couch with a blanket. Both kids were really bad with annunciation, and I was homeschooling them and helping, but some words were still really tough for them and she would get mad and frustrated after 2 tries of a word, she yelled at them for struggling to spell "cat" when less than a week ago they learned the alphabet (severely behind in school at the time) she was always mad at me as well because they clung to me in arguments as they were triggered and I would help them leave the room, she also hated that they always wanted me for bathtime. Just so many things that made her unfit to be a parent. After those 2 were reconnected with their guardian the foster parents got older kids and let them run a muck and never disciplined or followed through and now there are holes in every wall and scorch marks on all the furniture because they allowed it to escalate. I watched them get worse and worse and they refused help!

I thought you had to stop fostering due to insurance and the pool issue?

I was an adult ESL instructor for undocumented immigrants, for 15 years. Then, during peak of covid I taught 8th Social Studies in a school that made the teachers come in every day and the students every other day. There were students who just never showed up. The admin told me I had to pass everyone, even students who did zero work. There was one social worker for about 500 students in a large metropolitan city. I experienced every single one of these things. Eventually, my body broke down. I was hospitalized for severe diverticulitis infections and Eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder.

What if a kid is compulsive eater? I'm very open with snacks in my house but my son has one friend who will eat all of what I put out and then ask for more. For ex. if I put out chips and fruit for several children to share over the afternoon, she will eat them immediately and still request more snacks. I want to be sharing and have an open kitchen rule but it makes it tough

Some people are just dodos 😑

You are amazing!

As always, the children will suffer because if bureaucratic crap!

Does saying " i hope you can go back to your mom soon" not make some children feel like you don't want them? I know it must be a hard balance making them feel like theyre not a burden to youa nd that you love them but also letting them know you respect their birth moms place in their heart and not let them feel guilty for wanting to go back to them.

How do you deal with burnout as a single mother?!

wow this is exactly how I feel except, I'm not a foster parent. I'm a live in caregiver to my elderly grandparents. I just, don't care and I should

🥺

We would no longer be associating with that family.

Also signs u just have an older child who doesn’t like u lol

Quick question - I remember you had some issues with your license. Were you able to solve that and can you stay a foster parent? It would be such a shame if you weren't able to

Idk why the foster mom didn’t just accept not wanting a 16 year old at a party for 8 year olds and just leave it there cause that’s actually quite reasonable. Or why everyone else in the comments seems to gloss over that part of the video? Foster mom was highly inappropriate to push further in the first place

Oh wow the. Start of this video really triggered something in me. Good acting

This is so real. Parents, foster parents, health care workers, child-care workers…the burn out really hits hard.

Meanwhile my asian mom : eat it or you'll eat my slipper

I'm not a foster parent, but an RN. I'm always on the lookout for that loss of compassion in myself - it's a surefire sign things need to change. When I am struggling with frustration that a patient has needs (the reason I'm there!), I know I'm not taking care of myself adequately.

Let's be honest wrap sucks and are unhelpful. With our without burnout most people should turn down wrap. You only say yes once and will never make that mistake again.

A fun tactic is to create a vegetable chart on the wall. Parent and child can cut out pictures of vegetables and maybe also fruit and paste them down one side of the chart. As the child tries each vegetable, a star is stuck beside the veggie. This can be done for each time he or she eats a veggie. When a certain predetermined number is reached, the child can take a carrot with the top on it for lunch to school. My kid LOVED taking a full carrot to school much to the amusement of his friends.

Thank you for being a good foster parent.

I give my very fussy children their veggies BEFORE the meal. They are at their hungriest. Meanwhile I get the rest of the meal prepared. Mid day snack is only an organic apple or grapes so as not to ruin the upcoming meal. For lunch I give them ONE circle of carrot and ONE circle of red pepper before the meal or with it if it's a packed lunch. The next week, two. To ensure that they are getting the minimum of 5 fruits/veggies per day, their breakfast is a fruit smoothie with protein powder. Then if they want a toast, no problem...once they have finished their smoothie. (Cereal = cake so no cereal.) Again starting with a smaller amount is advisable.

I have a feeling that for the “haircut” topic cuz I see a lot of comments talking about not being able to let a teenager change their appearance, I bet if the foster parent reaches out to the social worker or whatever kind of advocate they speak to about things they could mention that the child has been expressing the desire to get bangs and see if that’s something that could be done. I get the sense that most things would be okay with prior permission like how you can technically take some vacations (like a short road trip) if you have everything approved beforehand

the mini fridge is also great for when you have a baby you can have formula in there

Yep,my husband and i just struggled through this with our foster kiddo. Mostly were annoyed at how we have to keep taking trainings after placement. I get a refresher once a year, but we have a kid to care for now and it's bad enough that their life keeps getting disrupted further with caseworker visits in addition to parental visits (which are the most important visits, obviously). I get needing to be sure that our home is also safe for them, but I'm the last 3 weeks we've had 3 different people drop by interrupting the routine that were working so hard on to keep the kiddo even keeled. It's wears on everyone in the house. They tell us they want us to give them a normal life and then they do everything to make it not normal. Very frustrating. That combined with us being exhausted from the transition to having them in our home has led to a few burn out moments for me. Luckily family has been kind enough to babysit and help us get breaks. But still... It's a lot.

I love the double-making the bed hack! I've never heard of that-- it's brilliant for any kid who either isn't quite potty trained yet, or is going through a stage where they're having accidents!

And then they are crying and stomping etc ...

I’m so sorry! And rushed decisions are not my favorite… sending virtual hugs!

Are you ok? I hope someone's is supporting you too 💚🙏

For me it is not specific enough. My reaction would depend on a few more facts. The invitation is from an eight year old and for eight year olds? And siblings are invited? So how many children are actually there with their sibling? Do all of these other invited children have siblings that are close to this age? Maybe like 9-11 years old? And the foster child Ashley is the only sibling with a huge age gap to her sister and so Ashley is like 15-17 years old? Then it really might really be about the age range and not about Ashley's character or "biological vs foster." The Mom definitely should have considered that Ashley is indeed a sibling and should have explained directly to Ashley and the parents her resson to exclude Ashley bevor handing out the invite to Ashley's little sister. If the age range is completly mixed and if it is more like an big/extended family meeting (8 cousins and the youngest are 16+19 and the children from the other cousins are between 3-11years old) Ashley should have definitely been invited and be there. In that case I would also very friendly decline the invite and take my family somewhere else where every single one is welcomed.

Good job❤

I love your videos but this is just...wow. If this is how someone feels, they need to not be a fosster parent or stop ASAP. I seriously can not understand all the praise this is getting.

You’re an angel 😇, truly, you may be the first adult that has made a child feel safe, loved and respected.

She's 1 in a million: the Dept can't train this into anyone It's Heart❤!

I work in an residential care (which is Australian foster "group homes") and I struggle with this a lot. Especially because all of our clients have complex behaviours such as aggression towards caregivers and others, sexual misconduct, etc. and are not suitable for foster care due to their high support needs and dangerous behaviours. Sometimes I feel soooo burnt out with my job and providing a caregiving role to someone who will, almost inevitably, try to assault me, verbally abuse me or sexually harass me. But I can't really take a break because that is my source of income. It's really challenging sometimes.