Does it make sense to you that Avoiding reminders of a trauma is still allowing that trauma to control you? Does it make sense that it can make things worse?
Yes it does and thankyou for the explanation. I am currently taking anti-ds to help to desensitize and am stopping my now identified avoidance behaviour. I am interested in the EMDR therapy - would being on antidepressants have an impact on this treatment as in do I need to come off them before doing EMDR. Thanks Barbara, from Rosie in New Zealand 😊
It makes sense that we avoid to cope. Then comes the point where we decide to stop and seek help. I love how you have broken down trauma recovery in your videos. Some do not have support networks, your sharing is most appreciated Barbara ❤️ Thank you
Now I understand why I hate driving so much. I complain when I have to do it. I stress over it and sometimes am terrified on the freeway.. Especially in bad weather or at night when I cannot see as well. I've been in 3 major accidents where the car was totaled. It makes sense that I would complain about driving. I cannot avoid it or I would. It's actually wreaking havoc on my life currently
i feel your pain. I too have anxieties with driving, it's the main reason why I don't have my driving license yet but I'm working on getting it this year. Don't let your fear stop you from doing what needs to be done. No matter how scared you are, you have to face your fears, you have to sit with yourself and accept your fears as one. Trust me, I've had to do this with myself and let me tell you, it was difficult but it was definitely worth it. I know it will with you. Hope your doing well. Best regards.
I experienced a lot of bullying and traumatic experiences when I was in secondary school. I left because of the bullying early without resolving anything and gained heavy ptsd and social anxiety. For a while after that I shut myself off as it was really painful, then I repressed all my emotions and thought I had gotten over it. Staying at my grandmas early this year My PTSD was triggered, both because I lived at my grandmas during the time of trauma and also because I have college coming up. Anxiety and PTSD are working together basically. I have extreme anxiety that college will be like school and that’s fuelled by the feelings of trauma caused by PTSD. My anxiety thinks of the scariest worst thing and my ptsd makes it feel likely. Again because since I feel like I’m in the worst, the worst seems like it’s going to happen. Watching this made me realise how much I tried to hide, repress and avoid my trauma and it’s emotions.
Ptsd and PDD here since the age of 3 I've had experienced alot of trauma. Recently just diagnosed and I feel so helpless...I dug so deep that it all came falling from the sky after 22 years..I've been fighting so hard but some days it feels unbearable with the anxiety and constant worry. I find simple tasks to be hard and my brain hardly functions most days. This everyday depression is really impacting me.
I hope you are making some progress. Eckhart Tolle (as well as the wonderful Barbara Hefferman) has helped with my childhood trauma and later traumas. 46 yrs old here and really beginning to face a lifetime of not letting go...
I have agoraphobia scince PTSD started. It is around toxic shame. I wamt to socilize, take a walk and meet new people. I have so much truble to go outside where I could see some people.
I had a relationship with an Avoidant in 1984/85 although I didn't know she had one, I fought for that woman for 1.5 years to win her heart, she dumped me after 1.5 years, now 39 years later and I I still suffer from a lot of stress, pain, sadness and it is like a film that keeps coming back. I relive it with my head in 1985 as if time stood still for me.
I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and major depression, my trauma happened as a child, long term, so I have been avoiding my trauma for many, many years, only within the past 4 years have I been slowly trying to deal, but all of the years prior were avoiding by alcohol abuse, using drugs, illegal and prescription drugs, and abusive relationships, it is extremely hard for me to connect with a therapist that I feel comfortable with, your videos are very helpful and truthful perspective on my trauma, I wish I could find a therapist like you where I live. In the meantime I will do self help as well as I can. Thank you for your insight, Sally
I was trying my best not to avoid, and take myself physically back to the place that the trauma happened. That is also not a good idea, unless you are being guided to do that by a therapist, or you at least have someone with you. Otherwise, instant panic attack.
Yes, I absolutely agree. Sounds like you were being very brave, but expected too much of yourself :( I wonder how I should have addressed that in this video?
An important subject to talk about for anyone that is going through this. I hope anyone in this situation seeks out the help needed. Thanks for the info
So just recently I went from giving help to receiving it. I have a long history or all manner or traumas ranging from domestic violence during childhood to extreme loss in the military. Just recently I reached the stage where I opened up to someone and didn't experience the rejection I had become accustomed to. My VA doctor told me about avoidance but didn't do a good job breaking it down. Only recently I realized I spent a large amount of time in personality avoidance or splitting my personalities and compartmentalizing the associated memories. Its been 6 years but in staying steady with self help and professional help, and now I might have a healthy support group. If its possible can you make a video on personality avoidance, it would really help in explaining some of my behavior to the individual I discussed earlier.
So awesome the progress you are making! I am not sure if you are describing Avoidant Personality Disorder or a form of dissociation where compartmentalization is so strong that personalities can be split. I am not an expert in the former; have worked a fair amount with the latter.
Being around people makes everything worse my sleep and it gets hard to hald down food my hyper-vigilance is worse im just not a people person I have noticed the more i keep people away the more my symptoms improve
My avoidance has shown in the way of not wanting to give him that power over me. The magnet analogy made me realize he still has it even tho I avoid the feelings that go with it and that just makes me so mad. I don’t want him to have this power over me anymore. 😩
Thank you for a great video. I found it extremely relevant for me at the moment and I’m trying hard not to avoid. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I’ll be staying tuned into you.
Avoiding is definitely allowing control of the PTSD to control you. I found out that facing it and replacing it through being an observer and not a participant allowed me to deal with it. It was more about being mindful of it from a distance. I took part many years ago, in PTSD Research.
attractionmarketing Very interesting - thank you for sharing that! Yes, I talk about the observer approach in my video on CBT Mindfulness, and then also in the Movie Techniques-where you observe what happened as if you were seeing it in a movie. It sounds like the research you participated in was helpful!
I've often thought of trauma as our proverbial and mythical "ghosts" and "demons". The movie Paranormal Activity is actually a pretty good metaphor for childhood trauma and how PTSD can affect adult relationships, in my opinion. I often refer back to Joseph Campbell in how he addressed this concept of facing off with The Demon as... kinda befriending them. Not defeating them like slaying the Dragon, but... growing acquainted with them and finding middle ground. Learning to live with them and coexist, because they are also part of you. And that helped me immensely in understanding what my goals are with my trauma. And I think the whole concept of demons controlling you through both luring you and repelling you like magnet polarity is very spot-on, too. Letting trauma make decisions for you is literally shaping your life around them, they become the cornerstones of entire sections of your life. "Can I get through the day without seeing a grocery store" becomes a daily routine, a framework your life gets built around, an obsessive anti-obsession or something. It's very sneaky. Thank you for making these videos, they are very helpful and articulated in a very approachable way.
Say a psychiatrist locked me in a room and interrogated me for 8 hours and it only ended when I jumped out the chair to punch him! Then nearly 20 years later I'm still avoiding still avoiding being trapped in a room with a doctor if I have to.
Believe it or not my trauma comes from 3 bad therapists in a row. The last therapist was way beyond abusive. It will be 2 years this March since I last saw her and I still have daily intrusive thoughts and I can't get rid of the anger. No closure and I'm determined to not see anymore therapists. I know about grounding techniques but I get so into the memory I forget to do it. Grounding techniques give me instant relief though. Maybe I can create some mantras like "I am safe" or "It's over now"
So sorry to hear this. It is terrible to have a therapist who causes trauma... A fair amount of my online material works with the concept of "I'm safe enough."
Makes perfect sense. Please tell me if the following makes sense; I am worried that my avoidance issue is too complicated to treat. I've been avoiding going anywhere near the area where the event took place. Ok. I get that & understand why. However all the places near & dear to my heart happen to be in this same area. The gym, library, favorite grocery store, e.g. What's worse, for me, is that the event resulted in the loss of my vehicle (along with everything else considered to be basic needs for living). I now rely on public transportation which of course changes one's life dreadfully. I could take buses to the places I want to go but they all stop right at the place it happened. This is the first time that I'm writing about it so I hope it makes sense. Also I'd feel embarrassed to be seen by the person who orchestrated the event. That I don't get but it's real & is a huge deterrent. I'd welcome any insights. Thanks. I'm seeing a PTSD who specializes in EMDR but have yet to address the avoidance issue.
Hi Alpha: I definitely think this issue is treatable!!! I am so pleased you are seeing a PTSD and EMDR specialist, and I encourage you to discuss this with her. It is very common, and there may be a way you two can come up with a plan. Sometimes EMDR can be done about going to the place and people can process the feelings and fear before they actually do it!
@@BarbaraHeffernan I appreciate your reply & encouragement. Yep, very treatable. I introduced this issue with my therapist last week. Currently our sessions are online & EMDR has been successful.
Can you let me know what that means? If a distraction tool is a method of avoiding, it is probably not advisable... I'd probably go with grounding tools instead.
Hi Brianna; I have a video on grouning techniques, here: ruclips.net/video/5r_79JSHvoQ/видео.html I hope it is helpful! There are a number of other videos on YT about grounding. I wish you all the best!
Avoidance of CPTSD symptoms for all of my life (to a greater or lesser degree) allowed multiple further traumatic events to process incorrectly or not at all, expanding and reinforcing the symptoms of the underlying trauma. It's gotten to the point now, in my late 50s, where I wonder whether treatment is possible given that the symptoms are so extreme now that I'm essentially incapacitated, which means no meaningful engagement with the world, including work, which translates in America to no access to healthcare. It really is an absurd system when if you get too sick to work you no longer have access to healthcare or hope of treatment. The reality is you're supposed to suck it up, get over it, ignore it, or suffer the indignity of poverty, homelessness, and eventual death. If you can't work, you have no value. And even though I did work for 42 years, now that I need help, I'm worthless.
I’m sorry.. I reading this 10 months after you wrote it,I feel exactly like you And feel we have a similar story. I hope you are doing better. We will never meet but I will think of you and pray that life turns better for you
its possible.. once upon a time i thought it was not possible, keep doing the dark shadow healing work and it will eventually one day be gone... I was living in a nightmare everyday, i got admitted to hospital, been through psychosis, i used to avoid avoid avoid have reoccuring nightmares, i felt suicidal. and was doing everything i could to get rid of it, i felt like i could never get to the bottom TAT therapy really helped me and my own spiritual path which is sufism, forms of prayer and meditations, i had to do a lot of work I went through the dark night of the soul multiple times. But one day I woke up completely unexpectedly and had my last awakening where for the first time in years I felt pure joy clarity and this peaceful silence, I was so grateful that moment I realized my ptsd just died, from that time i dont do any of those weird OCD rituals i could never stop im avoiding much less and just living in the moment, its given my mind space to be creative think of joyful things and really think about living and loving life instead of living on survival mode all the time I still have deeper traumas im working on, but the anxiety and ptsd has gone from a 10 to a 2 or 1, it wasnt overnight it was a gradual process, that took several years of constant healing work. Sometimes it feels like youre not getting anywhere in the healing journey but its important to keep going and facing those deeper levels.. Healing is soooo worth it!!! dont stop, youll realize that life is so worth living, and healing is never too late, you just gotta choose to heal and go through it, ive had very painful points in the healing journey, but once you get heal a layer its gone forever and once you awaken to who you really are that awareness never goes away and it can only get better
I have trauma induced by COVID restrictions and I'm avoiding the feelings. This is what happened 1. I used to be a huge fan of cricket game from 2002, then one day being a cricket fan, i had tickets to a game in march 2020, due to COVID they made the game behind closed doors. That induced a trauma in me and ever since 3 years on, i have avoided watching/talking or following cricket. Is this avoidance to trauma? Will going into therapy help me overcome this?
Can I ask I was abused as a child in an incident with a stranger I never spoke out I kept it secret at the time of the incident I froze anyway after I had my own child I suffered trauma coming out of me I still have never got any help I’m with it I then had 2 domestic violence relationships with incidents now what I feel is that I have issues talking about emotion I get a lump I. My throat clam up and can not speak I suffer with insomnia and fatigue and psoriasis I beleive I had a nervous breakdown after the last domestic violent relationship but I still can’t speak to anyone cos of the issues with my throat closing up and can’t speak 🤔
I’m tropically so much better at snapping myself out of it. I have ptsd and have had clinical depression. I was heavily abused as a child and pushed into my first relationship that turned abusive for 9 years. I walked away. I’ve been working hard to get better. I’m on a career path, have a decent job, and am far more secure than I was. But I have to coparent with the man who hurt me so badly. At the least he has many narcissistic tendencies. I usually can keep myself sane but last time I had to see him I can’t snap out of it. Nightmares about him, a feeling of guilt and confusion that won’t go away. I’m dissociating and I want to to stop. I wasn’t to wake up bc I feel so trapped. What can I do? I don’t drink I don’t smoke I don’t do drug I have hurt myself in so long. I don’t want to feel like this. Help pls?
Re-experiencing is feeling that it is happening again (in some way experiencing the physical reactions that came up when it happened); remembering when you aren't re-experiencing means just remembering, but not having physical symptoms or flashbacks... I don't feel there is research support regression, but some people believe in it. EMDR is a way of re-visiting trauma to reprocess it: reprocessing means you begin to think about it differently. I hope that is helpful!
I have watched two of your helpful videos but I can't seem to find the link for the ahh! mini series, only other links (newsletter, group coaching, 1:1 coaching, webinar, PDF guide and virtual EMDR). Please let us know where the link is for ahh! mini course. Thank you.
Hi: Thanks for asking! I'll make sure to put it below the video (sometimes the text changes and we drop something!) Here is the link:ruclips.net/p/PLhEK7JY7zF9kA_tAaHg7IAViexM94wqnx
How can we know the difference between avoidance and some other block when it comes to c-ptsd. Eg. Someone avoids social situations might be avoiding trauma from when they were bullied consistently as a child or they might just not be acknowledging they are not interested in a particular social situation. How to differentiate?
That is a great question, and I don't think there is a simple answer. Learning to trust one's gut and differentiate between the things that feel like a choice and those that feel like a block...
@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you for taking the time to answer ❤️. My therapist also tells me I need to practice listen to my gut and paying attention to what I'm feeling. I'm not really sure what the means though... I'm just keeping at it and hoping things will eventually click.
I suppose that avoidance must be an awful lot like incomplete differentiation from your family. Whether you are enmeshed or completely estranged those strings are still guiding you. Perhaps avoidance is the expression of undifferentiated trauma, if such a thing exists.
Hi Tina: Absolutely! Thank you for asking me to - I will try to address it in a video very soon. Is there a particular question you have about it, or suggestions?
So if someone you love was murdered at night and you were asleep when the call came You may avoid sleep at night unconsciously? How does grounding work when the trauma is forever the person is still dead. So I am experiencing the trauma now??
is it at all possible to become an avoider as a learned behaviour? I know my mother is an avoider, and I know I am for sure, but I can't think of anything really traumatic from my childhood.
I definitely think kids can learn things from parents "by osmosis." We also learn patterns of behavior from our parents. Wishing you all the best, Barbara
Avoiding more trauma is not as bad as you make it sound. Avoiding more experiences that cause more avoidance is better than ignoring reality and trying to learn to look through rose colored glasses. That doesn't even work. Avoiding the next nemisis is better than meeting them just to have some avereage experiences with average people. Just because people don't like the way I live and want me to stop doing it doesn't make me want to try to conform. I have had enough experiences that tell me I can trust my feelings more than I can trust what overeducated people say. I have avoided countless bad experiences. It's not just a compulsion, it is also a choice for me at this point. And counseling is for the birds.
Hi John: Thanks for sharing your opinion. I absolutely agree we should avoid bad experiences, and trust our guts. In this video, I am referring to avoiding things that feel dangerous (because of the trauma) but actually are not... Wishing you all the best, Barbara
This is helpful but if you were abused by a mother who constantly told you how ugly stupid and worthless you are for the first 25 years of your life (until going no contact) it seems very difficult to recover from the negative core beliefs and anxiety. These mothers really drill self hatred into the subconscious mind of their child and get away with it because our society pushes the narrative that women/mothers= innocent angels and men = toxic.
Yes, this is one of the worst types of trauma... So sorry.... It is difficult to recover, but not impossible, and therapists skilled in complex trauma can often be helpful.
Does it make sense to you that Avoiding reminders of a trauma is still allowing that trauma to control you? Does it make sense that it can make things worse?
I agree. Avoidance is not the answer. Thanks for this insightful video.
This makes complete sense. The magnet analogy is perfect.
@@sarahs3970 So glad it was meaningful for you!
Yes it does and thankyou for the explanation. I am currently taking anti-ds to help to desensitize and am stopping my now identified avoidance behaviour. I am interested in the EMDR therapy - would being on antidepressants have an impact on this treatment as in do I need to come off them before doing EMDR. Thanks Barbara, from Rosie in New Zealand 😊
It makes sense that we avoid to cope. Then comes the point where we decide to stop and seek help. I love how you have broken down trauma recovery in your videos. Some do not have support networks, your sharing is most appreciated Barbara ❤️ Thank you
Now I understand why I hate driving so much. I complain when I have to do it. I stress over it and sometimes am terrified on the freeway.. Especially in bad weather or at night when I cannot see as well. I've been in 3 major accidents where the car was totaled. It makes sense that I would complain about driving. I cannot avoid it or I would. It's actually wreaking havoc on my life currently
i feel your pain. I too have anxieties with driving, it's the main reason why I don't have my driving license yet but I'm working on getting it this year. Don't let your fear stop you from doing what needs to be done. No matter how scared you are, you have to face your fears, you have to sit with yourself and accept your fears as one. Trust me, I've had to do this with myself and let me tell you, it was difficult but it was definitely worth it. I know it will with you. Hope your doing well. Best regards.
Oh dang! Don't make me look internally! Anxiety is one of the two emotions that control my life. The other one being guilt! Thanks for a great video!
LOL. Many of us do rely on anxiety and guilt to drive us... and worry we'll be less productive without them!
I experienced a lot of bullying and traumatic experiences when I was in secondary school. I left because of the bullying early without resolving anything and gained heavy ptsd and social anxiety. For a while after that I shut myself off as it was really painful, then I repressed all my emotions and thought I had gotten over it. Staying at my grandmas early this year My PTSD was triggered, both because I lived at my grandmas during the time of trauma and also because I have college coming up. Anxiety and PTSD are working together basically. I have extreme anxiety that college will be like school and that’s fuelled by the feelings of trauma caused by PTSD. My anxiety thinks of the scariest worst thing and my ptsd makes it feel likely. Again because since I feel like I’m in the worst, the worst seems like it’s going to happen. Watching this made me realise how much I tried to hide, repress and avoid my trauma and it’s emotions.
I can relate to the bullying...mine was in elementary...I'm so sorry ...😓🙏
Makes tons of sense. I feel like it just gets a lot worse. Just like you said we limit ourselves.
Daniel Ford yes, it can be really hard to face a trauma, but it is like going through the muck to get to the beautiful field
I have ptsd in relationships and avoid relationship and love.
It makes sense that avoidance, especially with self-destructive behaviors, is allowing trauma to control you. Thank you for sharing the solution!
Hi Stephanie: You are more than welcome! I hope this is helpful for you or the people you work with!
Ptsd and PDD here since the age of 3 I've had experienced alot of trauma. Recently just diagnosed and I feel so helpless...I dug so deep that it all came falling from the sky after 22 years..I've been fighting so hard but some days it feels unbearable with the anxiety and constant worry. I find simple tasks to be hard and my brain hardly functions most days. This everyday depression is really impacting me.
I hope you are making some progress. Eckhart Tolle (as well as the wonderful Barbara Hefferman) has helped with my childhood trauma and later traumas. 46 yrs old here and really beginning to face a lifetime of not letting go...
It is a huge step to say
what you do not want.
Behavior often follows language.
Wishing the best
for fellow travelers
of the difficult journey.
me to😢
I have agoraphobia scince PTSD started. It is around toxic shame. I wamt to socilize, take a walk and meet new people. I have so much truble to go outside where I could see some people.
This is really helpful! Avoidance might seem like the easiest option, but the way PTSD impacts your life tells another story!
Jackie Denewitt yes, totally agree!
I understand how avoidance makes it worse and you explained it perfectly!
Elizabeth Sampson thank you! So glad it made sense to you!
I had a relationship with an Avoidant in 1984/85 although I didn't know she had one, I fought for that woman for 1.5 years to win her heart, she dumped me after 1.5 years, now 39 years later and I I still suffer from a lot of stress, pain, sadness and it is like a film that keeps coming back. I relive it with my head in 1985 as if time stood still for me.
So important! I feel I have used avoidance in so much of my life I have missed out on a lot of things.
Yes, I think most of us can relate to that.
I feel exactly the same.
Generally, when in the past I had come out of the trauma then for a few years I had shivers discussing it. Now I am ok.
Yes, I understand how that happens. Sometimes traumas do process out over time.
I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and major depression, my trauma happened as a child, long term, so I have been avoiding my trauma for many, many years, only within the past 4 years have I been slowly trying to deal, but all of the years prior were avoiding by alcohol abuse, using drugs, illegal and prescription drugs, and abusive relationships, it is extremely hard for me to connect with a therapist that I feel comfortable with, your videos are very helpful and truthful perspective on my trauma, I wish I could find a therapist like you where I live. In the meantime I will do self help as well as I can. Thank you for your insight, Sally
🙏💐
I was trying my best not to avoid, and take myself physically back to the place that the trauma happened. That is also not a good idea, unless you are being guided to do that by a therapist, or you at least have someone with you. Otherwise, instant panic attack.
Yes, I absolutely agree. Sounds like you were being very brave, but expected too much of yourself :( I wonder how I should have addressed that in this video?
Hi: I thought you might find this video helpful: ruclips.net/video/Ctlzj5P2Gis/видео.html
Ohhh avoidance used to be a big one for me. Thanks so much for sharing.
Hi Cel: Thanks for letting us know. What tools did you use to get over the avoidance?
An important subject to talk about for anyone that is going through this. I hope anyone in this situation seeks out the help needed. Thanks for the info
Thank you Shawn! And yes, I am hoping these videos help people know that they are not alone and help is available!
Thank you, Dr. Heffernan
The magnet metaphor is brilliant. Thank you. Subscribed.
Thanks and welcome!
you are right about avoidance
This was a very affirming and well-done video, thank you!
You are very welcome. All the best wishes for health and healing :)
this is great! enjoyed watching, cant wait to see more from you! keep them coming :) thanks
Thank you Gareth!
So interesting! I had no idea that some of these were symptoms! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Jill! I'm glad you found it interesting.
Nice information! I learned a new thing!
YJP Studio glad to hear it!
Makes sense. Thanks!
So so helpful was feeling despairing now I am hopeful
Awesome. So glad to hear that. Hang in there!!
Makes a lot of sense. I’m so glad I found your videos xxx
Terrific!
So helpful! This is a topic that I really would love to learn more in-depth about.
nancy sungyun thanks! I’m wondering what else you would like to know. It is always good for me to hear so I can think about creating another video!
Thanks Barbara
You are welcome. Hope it is helpful!
So just recently I went from giving help to receiving it. I have a long history or all manner or traumas ranging from domestic violence during childhood to extreme loss in the military. Just recently I reached the stage where I opened up to someone and didn't experience the rejection I had become accustomed to. My VA doctor told me about avoidance but didn't do a good job breaking it down. Only recently I realized I spent a large amount of time in personality avoidance or splitting my personalities and compartmentalizing the associated memories. Its been 6 years but in staying steady with self help and professional help, and now I might have a healthy support group. If its possible can you make a video on personality avoidance, it would really help in explaining some of my behavior to the individual I discussed earlier.
So awesome the progress you are making! I am not sure if you are describing Avoidant Personality Disorder or a form of dissociation where compartmentalization is so strong that personalities can be split. I am not an expert in the former; have worked a fair amount with the latter.
Its disassociation, one of the reasons for the D.I.D. diagnose
Great vid, We should learn about this topic to avoid self-destructive behaviors.
Absolutely. Avoiding difficult feelings often does not work well.
Being around people makes everything worse my sleep and it gets hard to hald down food my hyper-vigilance is worse im just not a people person I have noticed the more i keep people away the more my symptoms improve
My avoidance has shown in the way of not wanting to give him that power over me. The magnet analogy made me realize he still has it even tho I avoid the feelings that go with it and that just makes me so mad. I don’t want him to have this power over me anymore. 😩
Great video. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Ugo!
yes, this makes perfect sense. thank you so much for the info (subscribed as well)
Awesome, thank you!
Love your videos!!! They are real talk and helps a lot
I'm so glad!
Definitely makes perfect sense. I really lime the magnet analogy. Thank you!
You're so welcome!
Thank you for a great video. I found it extremely relevant for me at the moment and I’m trying hard not to avoid. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I’ll be staying tuned into you.
So glad it was helpful. Wishing you health and healing
Avoiding is definitely allowing control of the PTSD to control you. I found out that facing it and replacing it through being an observer and not a participant allowed me to deal with it. It was more about being mindful of it from a distance. I took part many years ago, in PTSD Research.
attractionmarketing Very interesting - thank you for sharing that! Yes, I talk about the observer approach in my video on CBT Mindfulness, and then also in the Movie Techniques-where you observe what happened as if you were seeing it in a movie. It sounds like the research you participated in was helpful!
Barbara Heffernan yes it was for someone's phd research many years ago. Meditation and Mindfulness is what healed me.
Thank u for urr advice its true n ur guidance is appreciated
You're most welcome
@@BarbaraHeffernan i have big problems with this causes soo much conflict distrust misunderstanding
I've often thought of trauma as our proverbial and mythical "ghosts" and "demons". The movie Paranormal Activity is actually a pretty good metaphor for childhood trauma and how PTSD can affect adult relationships, in my opinion. I often refer back to Joseph Campbell in how he addressed this concept of facing off with The Demon as... kinda befriending them. Not defeating them like slaying the Dragon, but... growing acquainted with them and finding middle ground. Learning to live with them and coexist, because they are also part of you. And that helped me immensely in understanding what my goals are with my trauma. And I think the whole concept of demons controlling you through both luring you and repelling you like magnet polarity is very spot-on, too. Letting trauma make decisions for you is literally shaping your life around them, they become the cornerstones of entire sections of your life. "Can I get through the day without seeing a grocery store" becomes a daily routine, a framework your life gets built around, an obsessive anti-obsession or something. It's very sneaky.
Thank you for making these videos, they are very helpful and articulated in a very approachable way.
Such an important topic to bring awareness to
Naomi: Thank you for your encouragement!
Thanks💓
You're welcome 😊
What if one set of chronic illness and it’s consequences were the trauma, but chronic illness still continues years after tiob
Glad I found you 🥰
SO glad this is helpful!
Such important subject matter!
Thank you for your support, Lara!
Hey Barbara, I'm back again for your new video. Great topic. Happy to say I"m not experiencing trauma, but it's so good to watch your video.
Rachel
Hi Rachel: Thanks for supporting the channel! And awesome that you aren't experiencing trauma!!! :) It is way too common, unfortunately.
It makes me aware of being effected-controlled, when I feel stuck by my avoidance
Great insight to see how your avoidance controls you!
Great insight to see how your avoidance controls you!
Say a psychiatrist locked me in a room and interrogated me for 8 hours and it only ended when I jumped out the chair to punch him! Then nearly 20 years later I'm still avoiding still avoiding being trapped in a room with a doctor if I have to.
Believe it or not my trauma comes from 3 bad therapists in a row. The last therapist was way beyond abusive. It will be 2 years this March since I last saw her and I still have daily intrusive thoughts and I can't get rid of the anger. No closure and I'm determined to not see anymore therapists. I know about grounding techniques but I get so into the memory I forget to do it. Grounding techniques give me instant relief though. Maybe I can create some mantras like "I am safe" or "It's over now"
So sorry to hear this. It is terrible to have a therapist who causes trauma... A fair amount of my online material works with the concept of "I'm safe enough."
How do you help someone who is avoidant?
Makes perfect sense. Please tell me if the following makes sense; I am worried that my avoidance issue is too complicated to treat. I've been avoiding going anywhere near the area where the event took place. Ok. I get that & understand why. However all the places near & dear to my heart happen to be in this same area. The gym, library, favorite grocery store, e.g. What's worse, for me, is that the event resulted in the loss of my vehicle (along with everything else considered to be basic needs for living). I now rely on public transportation which of course changes one's life dreadfully. I could take buses to the places I want to go but they all stop right at the place it happened. This is the first time that I'm writing about it so I hope it makes sense. Also I'd feel embarrassed to be seen by the person who orchestrated the event. That I don't get
but it's real & is a huge deterrent. I'd welcome any insights. Thanks.
I'm seeing a PTSD who specializes in EMDR but have yet to address the avoidance issue.
Hi Alpha: I definitely think this issue is treatable!!! I am so pleased you are seeing a PTSD and EMDR specialist, and I encourage you to discuss this with her. It is very common, and there may be a way you two can come up with a plan. Sometimes EMDR can be done about going to the place and people can process the feelings and fear before they actually do it!
@@BarbaraHeffernan I appreciate your reply & encouragement. Yep, very treatable. I introduced this issue with my therapist last week. Currently our sessions are online & EMDR has been successful.
It does make sense to me that avoidance can begin to control our lives
Mario Smith yes, indeed!
My mother is being affected by ptsd During her intensive care stay. How can I help her?
Can you do a video on distraction tools?
Can you let me know what that means? If a distraction tool is a method of avoiding, it is probably not advisable... I'd probably go with grounding tools instead.
I mean what grounding techneques can i use when triggered btw im blind
Hi Brianna; I have a video on grouning techniques, here: ruclips.net/video/5r_79JSHvoQ/видео.html
I hope it is helpful! There are a number of other videos on YT about grounding. I wish you all the best!
Avoidance of CPTSD symptoms for all of my life (to a greater or lesser degree) allowed multiple further traumatic events to process incorrectly or not at all, expanding and reinforcing the symptoms of the underlying trauma. It's gotten to the point now, in my late 50s, where I wonder whether treatment is possible given that the symptoms are so extreme now that I'm essentially incapacitated, which means no meaningful engagement with the world, including work, which translates in America to no access to healthcare. It really is an absurd system when if you get too sick to work you no longer have access to healthcare or hope of treatment. The reality is you're supposed to suck it up, get over it, ignore it, or suffer the indignity of poverty, homelessness, and eventual death. If you can't work, you have no value. And even though I did work for 42 years, now that I need help, I'm worthless.
I’m sorry..
I reading this 10 months after you wrote it,I feel exactly like you
And feel we have a similar story. I hope you are doing better.
We will never meet but I will think of you and pray that life turns better for you
its possible.. once upon a time i thought it was not possible, keep doing the dark shadow healing work and it will eventually one day be gone...
I was living in a nightmare everyday, i got admitted to hospital, been through psychosis, i used to avoid avoid avoid have reoccuring nightmares, i felt suicidal.
and was doing everything i could to get rid of it, i felt like i could never get to the bottom
TAT therapy really helped me and my own spiritual path which is sufism, forms of prayer and meditations, i had to do a lot of work I went through the dark night of the soul multiple times.
But one day I woke up completely unexpectedly and had my last awakening where for the first time in years I felt pure joy clarity and this peaceful silence, I was so grateful that moment I realized my ptsd just died, from that time i dont do any of those weird OCD rituals i could never stop im avoiding much less and just living in the moment, its given my mind space to be creative think of joyful things and really think about living and loving life instead of living on survival mode all the time
I still have deeper traumas im working on, but the anxiety and ptsd has gone from a 10 to a 2 or 1, it wasnt overnight it was a gradual process, that took several years of constant healing work. Sometimes it feels like youre not getting anywhere in the healing journey but its important to keep going and facing those deeper levels..
Healing is soooo worth it!!! dont stop, youll realize that life is so worth living, and healing is never too late, you just gotta choose to heal and go through it, ive had very painful points in the healing journey, but once you get heal a layer its gone forever and once you awaken to who you really are that awareness never goes away and it can only get better
Your not worthless God bless you, pray for you 🙏
Hello Barbara, practicing CBT for 2 years.Anger is my weakness,do you have video on anger and relapsing, thanks BT
Hi: I recently did some shorts on anger and resentment, but probably a longer video could be helpful!
I have trauma induced by COVID restrictions and I'm avoiding the feelings. This is what happened
1. I used to be a huge fan of cricket game from 2002, then one day being a cricket fan, i had tickets to a game in march 2020, due to COVID they made the game behind closed doors. That induced a trauma in me and ever since 3 years on, i have avoided watching/talking or following cricket. Is this avoidance to trauma? Will going into therapy help me overcome this?
Can I ask I was abused as a child in an incident with a stranger I never spoke out I kept it secret at the time of the incident I froze anyway after I had my own child I suffered trauma coming out of me I still have never got any help I’m with it I then had 2 domestic violence relationships with incidents now what I feel is that I have issues talking about emotion I get a lump I. My throat clam up and can not speak I suffer with insomnia and fatigue and psoriasis I beleive I had a nervous breakdown after the last domestic violent relationship but I still can’t speak to anyone cos of the issues with my throat closing up and can’t speak 🤔
How to deal paranoid led social anxiety?? Your kind response
I’m tropically so much better at snapping myself out of it. I have ptsd and have had clinical depression. I was heavily abused as a child and pushed into my first relationship that turned abusive for 9 years. I walked away. I’ve been working hard to get better. I’m on a career path, have a decent job, and am far more secure than I was.
But I have to coparent with the man who hurt me so badly. At the least he has many narcissistic tendencies.
I usually can keep myself sane but last time I had to see him I can’t snap out of it.
Nightmares about him, a feeling of guilt and confusion that won’t go away. I’m dissociating and I want to to stop. I wasn’t to wake up bc I feel so trapped. What can I do?
I don’t drink I don’t smoke I don’t do drug I have hurt myself in so long. I don’t want to feel like this. Help pls?
Do you offer online therapy ?
Awe man
How is remembering trauma different from reexperiencing. also , regression aims to reexperience and reduce the trauma , is it helpful ?
Re-experiencing is feeling that it is happening again (in some way experiencing the physical reactions that came up when it happened); remembering when you aren't re-experiencing means just remembering, but not having physical symptoms or flashbacks... I don't feel there is research support regression, but some people believe in it. EMDR is a way of re-visiting trauma to reprocess it: reprocessing means you begin to think about it differently. I hope that is helpful!
I have watched two of your helpful videos but I can't seem to find the link for the ahh! mini series, only other links (newsletter, group coaching, 1:1 coaching, webinar, PDF guide and virtual EMDR). Please let us know where the link is for ahh! mini course. Thank you.
Hi: Thanks for asking! I'll make sure to put it below the video (sometimes the text changes and we drop something!) Here is the link:ruclips.net/p/PLhEK7JY7zF9kA_tAaHg7IAViexM94wqnx
@@BarbaraHeffernan Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated.
I think stabilization is THE MOST important thing which probably isn't taught enough!
Is approval addiction a part of attachment trauma
Very interesting question. I'd guess there is a relationship between the two.
How can we know the difference between avoidance and some other block when it comes to c-ptsd.
Eg. Someone avoids social situations might be avoiding trauma from when they were bullied consistently as a child or they might just not be acknowledging they are not interested in a particular social situation.
How to differentiate?
That is a great question, and I don't think there is a simple answer. Learning to trust one's gut and differentiate between the things that feel like a choice and those that feel like a block...
@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you for taking the time to answer ❤️. My therapist also tells me I need to practice listen to my gut and paying attention to what I'm feeling. I'm not really sure what the means though... I'm just keeping at it and hoping things will eventually click.
I suppose that avoidance must be an awful lot like incomplete differentiation from your family. Whether you are enmeshed or completely estranged those strings are still guiding you. Perhaps avoidance is the expression of undifferentiated trauma, if such a thing exists.
Very interesting parallel!
Yes, enmeshment and estrangement are two sides of the same coin - like flooding vs. avoidance!
Can you please discuss hyper vigilance?
Hi Tina: Absolutely! Thank you for asking me to - I will try to address it in a video very soon. Is there a particular question you have about it, or suggestions?
Hi Tina: Just wanted to let you know that I am coming out with a video on PTSD Hyperarousal Tuesday! It includes a discussion of hypervigilance.
ruclips.net/video/Ctlzj5P2Gis/видео.html . Took me awhile, but here it is!
Barbara Heffernan thank you so much!
So if someone you love was murdered at night and you were asleep when the call came
You may avoid sleep at night unconsciously?
How does grounding work when the trauma is forever the person is still dead. So I am experiencing the trauma now??
I could definitely see why that might happen...
is it at all possible to become an avoider as a learned behaviour? I know my mother is an avoider, and I know I am for sure, but I can't think of anything really traumatic from my childhood.
I definitely think kids can learn things from parents "by osmosis." We also learn patterns of behavior from our parents. Wishing you all the best, Barbara
Avoidance is just not the solution.
i dont avoid, but my body makes me sick when i expose myself
Avoiding more trauma is not as bad as you make it sound. Avoiding more experiences that cause more avoidance is better than ignoring reality and trying to learn to look through rose colored glasses. That doesn't even work. Avoiding the next nemisis is better than meeting them just to have some avereage experiences with average people. Just because people don't like the way I live and want me to stop doing it doesn't make me want to try to conform. I have had enough experiences that tell me I can trust my feelings more than I can trust what overeducated people say. I have avoided countless bad experiences. It's not just a compulsion, it is also a choice for me at this point. And counseling is for the birds.
Hi John: Thanks for sharing your opinion. I absolutely agree we should avoid bad experiences, and trust our guts. In this video, I am referring to avoiding things that feel dangerous (because of the trauma) but actually are not... Wishing you all the best, Barbara
This video is too quite. Try to listen is not easy.
Bluetooth speaker same result audio is too quite.
This is helpful but if you were abused by a mother who constantly told you how ugly stupid and worthless you are for the first 25 years of your life (until going no contact) it seems very difficult to recover from the negative core beliefs and anxiety. These mothers really drill self hatred into the subconscious mind of their child and get away with it because our society pushes the narrative that women/mothers= innocent angels and men = toxic.
Yes, this is one of the worst types of trauma... So sorry.... It is difficult to recover, but not impossible, and therapists skilled in complex trauma can often be helpful.
Too late.
Fuck I'm close to wanting to end shit
👽 .... ' sick or ✴️ 🎁 GIFTED ??????
Worthless....
hmmm... I'm glad most people don't think so!