Lighting Up & Burning Down | DeSantis Humiliated | George Santos: Congress Is Like “Mean Girls”

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  • Опубликовано: 4 май 2024
  • It’s marijuana’s big day, Elon Musk’s latest rocket blew up, Florida’s governor went to D.C. seeking endorsements and came away empty handed, and Rep. George Santos says he’s the Lindsay Lohan of Congress.
    #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Комментарии • 2,4 тыс.

  • @Arnoldfan89
    @Arnoldfan89 Год назад +644

    "Are you a history book in Florida cause you just got burned?" Damn that's a well written joke.

  • @johnmartin4764
    @johnmartin4764 Год назад +410

    Woke means to wake up and get rid of people like DeSantis.

    • @veryberry39
      @veryberry39 Год назад +28

      Hence why he and his cronies are so terrified of it!

    • @stephenschmall9029
      @stephenschmall9029 Год назад +17

      Bravo!!!! Well stated!

    • @kingjamos2422
      @kingjamos2422 Год назад +14

      Naturally he would hate that. He is a dream demon, after all.

    • @amyreynolds3619
      @amyreynolds3619 Год назад +3

      That's exactly what I was thinking.

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia Год назад

      Woke means to wake up and watch the 1942 USDA video *Hemp for Victory* that legalized weed to fight against people like DeSantis.
      That means that barely anyone in the United States is actually "woke."

  • @nettns
    @nettns Год назад +230

    "I love how stupid everything is" Stephen is truly a man of the people.

    • @ShannonJacobs0
      @ShannonJacobs0 Год назад

      Are you human? Look at the bright line between comments and likes the actual humans and the robotic circle-jerking sock puppets.
      About 15% might be human. But the google likes to censor the humans.
      Can you believe the google is profiting from the fakes? Me neither.

    • @dan-fr9dn
      @dan-fr9dn Год назад +4

      HE'S A MAN OF LITTLE PEOPLE HE WAS ON JEFFERY EPSTEIN FLIGHT LOGS YOU KNOW WITH CHILDREN

    • @PADS62
      @PADS62 Год назад +4

      ​@@dan-fr9dn PROVE IT! Where are you getting that POS source From??

    • @pandamandimax
      @pandamandimax Год назад +4

      The unhinged caps-lock adds a particular veneer of legitimacy to his claim

    • @kingayy9267
      @kingayy9267 Год назад +1

      @dan
      You have a source for that wild claim or are we supposed to take your totally sane word for it?

  • @guynorth3277
    @guynorth3277 Год назад +39

    "Your data, had no data" to a tune of five million, had me rolling.....Very funny monologue!

  • @shirleyandrews1152
    @shirleyandrews1152 Год назад +265

    I am so SICK of Repubs & especially, DeSantis, using the word WOKE. I don’t even know what he’s talking about😡😡😡😡

    • @lindaowens933
      @lindaowens933 Год назад +68

      Neither does he I bet he couldn't tell what it.mean either

    • @tomb3782
      @tomb3782 Год назад +44

      Thats the word that made me turn in my Republican card. Every time I hear it, I Vomit a little.

    • @tin-n-tan
      @tin-n-tan Год назад +41

      Haha. Yeah it's stupid.
      They use it to describe anything that hate.

    • @williamsutter8047
      @williamsutter8047 Год назад

      Not commenting on the the bill, but he's right about Disney. How do you feel about corporate owned cities?

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 Год назад +4

      It's actually pretty fascinating, from a sociological perspective. A prime example of a principle known as What You See Is All There Is.

  • @atiredfloridian777
    @atiredfloridian777 Год назад +636

    "Ohhhhhhhh, Houston we have a metaphor for Twitter!"
    Never have truer words ever been spoken.

    • @wf6951
      @wf6951 Год назад +12

      That rocket has more fire and smoke coming from it than the bowl I'm smoking right now.

    • @michaelburns1096
      @michaelburns1096 Год назад +6

      Twitter is so much better now

    • @gljames24
      @gljames24 Год назад +24

      @@michaelburns1096 In what deluded world?

    • @michaelburns1096
      @michaelburns1096 Год назад +3

      @@gljames24 I don't need people to censor stuff for me. I'm educated and a big boy. Now, Twitter treats me like I count.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Год назад +20

      @@michaelburns1096 well, The Former Guy did say he loves people like you.

  • @greatestsportslegends
    @greatestsportslegends Год назад +7

    Classic line # 32,101...
    "Hey, Ron! Are you a history book in Florida because you just got BURNED?!"
    Love it.

  • @soulman1988
    @soulman1988 Год назад +28

    "Are you a history book in Florida? Because you just got burned!!!" Hilarious, sad, brilliant.

  • @laalaa99stl
    @laalaa99stl Год назад +293

    "Ron, are you a history book in Florida because you just got burned!" 🔥

    • @lawrup
      @lawrup Год назад

      First

    • @williamsutter8047
      @williamsutter8047 Год назад +1

      So how do you feel about corporate owned cities?

    • @aquaventus
      @aquaventus Год назад +5

      ​@@williamsutter8047 thats like every single state in the usa

    • @williamsutter8047
      @williamsutter8047 Год назад +1

      @@aquaventus Overarching Federal rules apply though. That's why the removal of Roe V. Wade was such a big deal.

    • @d.b.1176
      @d.b.1176 Год назад

      😂😂😂

  • @Hellkite-er5pg
    @Hellkite-er5pg Год назад +535

    Watching DeathSantis get bitch slapped by the Disney mouse brings a smile to my face.

    • @siam5579
      @siam5579 Год назад +20

      INR? It’ll be so funny if they move Disney. He would be soooo f#cked!! Think of all the money he would be out, not to mention the thousands of jobs there.

    • @ernesthill4017
      @ernesthill4017 Год назад +28

      The Disney corporation has done some awful things, but in this case, I'm on their side

    • @soliniv1411
      @soliniv1411 Год назад +15

      You do not want to tango with the mouse

    • @ImahSillyGirl
      @ImahSillyGirl Год назад +10

      I love that we can make Steamboat Willie beating up DeathSantis T-shirts without Disney even caring now.🎉😂

    • @kittehgo
      @kittehgo Год назад +26

      It's so weird the way he is obsessed with Disney, a normal person would have taken the L and moved on.
      Hoping people would forget soon, but not this guy.

  • @brainmelt5831
    @brainmelt5831 Год назад +19

    I love the fact, that you can actually hear them giggle at [3:35] as Stephen gets the moustache attached... 💗😄

  • @Sally4th_
    @Sally4th_ Год назад +6

    The laughter and applause in the press room for the rocket launch was music to my ears.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Год назад +85

    Guess the rocket didn't pay the 8 bucks.

    • @brian5o
      @brian5o Год назад +6

      Perfect comment!!! LOL. Like children fighting over their parents' affection. Ironically, I bet Elon Muskox has nannies for all of them.

  • @kgames1748
    @kgames1748 Год назад +364

    "Are you a history book in Florida cause you just got burned"... I'm using that everyday forever 🤣

    • @annm4833
      @annm4833 Год назад +24

      That was priceless! And it made me snort laugh..

    • @johnl6176
      @johnl6176 Год назад +14

      @@annm4833 Yes, I now have to get a cloth to clean the bourbon off of my computer screen, dammit. I mean, this is good bourbon!

    • @kgames1748
      @kgames1748 Год назад +4

      @@johnl6176 🤣

    • @MsHydroChiCaliLala
      @MsHydroChiCaliLala Год назад +1

    • @chrissiek8706
      @chrissiek8706 Год назад +5

      ​@@johnl6176count it sterilized then 😅

  • @victoriabaker4400
    @victoriabaker4400 Год назад +25

    I love how the band is into the comedy and enjoy the cuts over to see them. It's an uplift. p.s. Ba-na-na

  • @rm9338
    @rm9338 Год назад +2

    63 enjoying 4/20 and laughing my @ss off. Great show❤

  • @Opus313
    @Opus313 Год назад +193

    Sure hope Clarence is held accountable for his Quid Pro Crow!

    • @cathywolfe7993
      @cathywolfe7993 Год назад +7

      Very good!

    • @embreis2257
      @embreis2257 Год назад +2

      can you see the Senate impeaching him? or maybe the chief justice talking him into handing in his resignation?

    • @ernesthill4017
      @ernesthill4017 Год назад +8

      Has a Supreme Court Justice ever been fired? Because if not, this case calls out loudly for it

    • @brycecupp9660
      @brycecupp9660 Год назад +3

      ​@@ernesthill4017 yes... Impeached

    • @Blasted2Oblivion
      @Blasted2Oblivion Год назад

      Bah dum tss

  • @howardtibbsthethird
    @howardtibbsthethird Год назад +89

    If Disney World goes to North Carolina, Florida will sink into the swamp that it is. No offense.

    • @pamelabennett1492
      @pamelabennett1492 Год назад +2

      You have no idea how beautiful and pristine " Old Florida" was, and still there under the plastic shrinkwrap and pollution!

    • @pamelabennett1492
      @pamelabennett1492 Год назад +1

      Disney probably already considered moving locations and renewing all their amusement offerings to reflect the new millenium.

  • @supermod6168
    @supermod6168 Год назад +121

    The rodents in NYC "have learned to walk upright and sign autographs" is probably one of the funniest late night jokes I've ever heard.

  • @guibox3
    @guibox3 Год назад +37

    The irony is that the guy who proved Mike Lindell wrong is a Trump voter. Didn't know they could think for themselves! It is embarrassing that once again the GOP are putting the potential candidates out there that they are. They can seriously not do any better than Trump and Desantis?? For the love of God, have they no shame?? There are thousands of GOP politicians out there that could do a fraction of the job these two yo-yos are doing and still be better candidates.

  • @SkammLykelee
    @SkammLykelee Год назад +679

    They used to call the Republican party the GOP, short for, "Grand Old Party".
    Now it stands for, *Grifters On Parade".*

    • @donofon1014
      @donofon1014 Год назад

      Sorry... amended to the Gynecologically Obsessed Party. as the slogan goes... " What's in Your Panties" ?

    • @melissaorellana6951
      @melissaorellana6951 Год назад +19

      I will repeat that!

    • @nomore6167
      @nomore6167 Год назад +85

      "Now it stands for, Grifters On Parade". - Accurate, but I think "Guns Over People" is more poignant.

    • @TheUluxian
      @TheUluxian Год назад +64

      I use Gaslight; Obstruct; Project..

    • @adopequeenatyrantkingaboss8057
      @adopequeenatyrantkingaboss8057 Год назад +20

      Excellent! Mine is OGP for "Old Goat Party."
      Who's down with OGP?
      Hell na, not me!

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander Год назад +342

    Supreme Court would be much quicker in any decisions regarding Viagra.

    • @VMan29397
      @VMan29397 Год назад

      ultimately i think the money will talk and big pharma will push them to strike it down

    • @anitagutierrez5275
      @anitagutierrez5275 Год назад

      Or penis pumps

    • @Styphon
      @Styphon Год назад

      Viagra is a much more dangerous drug, and is probably responsible for a bunch of unexpected pregnancies.

    • @catalintimofti1117
      @catalintimofti1117 Год назад +2

      Bro they old give them a break 😭

  • @zayahjohnson4632
    @zayahjohnson4632 Год назад +31

    The joke writers did their thing tonight

    • @VINZBROWN
      @VINZBROWN Год назад

      Wowww... I said the same.😂❤

  • @Oatmeal-Savage
    @Oatmeal-Savage Год назад +1

    That is the line of the year.. "Are you a history book in Florida, because you just got BURNED!"

  • @DiustheZ
    @DiustheZ Год назад +119

    Regarding the "don't say gay" expansion to not talk about any 'orientation' through to grade 12, there was some people asking if that includes 'straight orientation' so they aren't allowed to talk about any type of relationship or simple husband/wife marriages.

    • @joshturner2155
      @joshturner2155 Год назад +1

      That's typically how you expose oppressive religious bullshit. It's been used to contest the bible in bullshit book bans. I would love to see it.

    • @maluse227
      @maluse227 Год назад

      technically no, but the lawmakers have made it very clear they don't see it as something that would be covered under the bill. Its just old-school homophobia same as all of their talking points about "groomers" that stuff has been around for decades to vilify gay people and make them seem like a threat.

    • @verenabecker2724
      @verenabecker2724 Год назад +29

      I keep thinking if I was a teacher in that state with nothing to lose, I'd go for it. Everyone's moms/dads are now gender-neutral "parents or guardians" with neutral pronouns as not to imply any sexual or romantic orientation. I'd only use "spouse" instead of wife or husband, no matter who I'm talking to or about. Would drive parents nuts in short order.

    • @scruffy-thejanitor
      @scruffy-thejanitor Год назад

      It means banning any support for LGBTQI students, including extra curricular social clubs, GSAs, or any volunteering with the local queer communities. It means you can't go to any teacher, administrator, or counselor unless you're straight to talk about your identity. They want queer and trans kids to kill themselves and "disappear". I did K-12 in FL and I know how many children these bigots are trying to harm. Which is par for a GOP pushing to legalize child marriage everywhere.

    • @scruffy-thejanitor
      @scruffy-thejanitor Год назад

      ​@@verenabecker2724 Everyone has something to lose sadly, and they're making having "degenerative literature" in your classroom into a felony. Felons in Florida can't vote, despite the Florida residents voting to fix that (unconstitutional imo) law. The GOP ignored the Florida voters and imposed a poll tax on formerly imprisoned people who had already served their sentences, thus making it impossible for most to vote. DeSantis is also paying teachers thousands ($3,000 to be exact) to take state sanctioned "reeducation" courses that are purely revisionist history/lies to be spread to their students.
      The GOP hates anyone having access to education and knowledge of history, otherwise people will see that the same fascist playbook is being used to cripple America and take away the freedom of her residents and citizens.

  • @tuckgraph
    @tuckgraph Год назад +152

    Justice Alito is crafting a ruling based on an 1870's decision regarding animal husbandry.

    • @johnsonsandra8069
      @johnsonsandra8069 Год назад +20

      Wouldn't surprise me

    • @jemiebridges3197
      @jemiebridges3197 Год назад

      Is that the one where blacks were worth less than farm animals and property? That's where make America great again was always going.

    • @rkms5606
      @rkms5606 Год назад +4

      Property is property to some folks

    • @jimuicker4731
      @jimuicker4731 Год назад +13

      He's trying to figure out how to write a decision saying that Federal Courts should decide the abortion issue instead of state legislators... without overturning the Dobbs decision he just wrote saying the opposite.

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Год назад +17

      Tells ya how much they respect women. Which is a whopping 0%. (And that's at BEST.)

  • @nadarocker7605
    @nadarocker7605 Год назад +2

    "History book in Florida" SENT me 😂😂😂

  • @longzero
    @longzero Год назад +4

    The history book joke, I loved that!

  • @kathyjarvis1745
    @kathyjarvis1745 Год назад +703

    The Lindell challenge was kinda like “ read the transcript”
    Somebody finally did !😂

    • @tin-n-tan
      @tin-n-tan Год назад +24

      How good is it. $5m. Lolzz what a legend.

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 Год назад +44

      To be fair, originally the programmer who's getting the money originally filed to receive his prize only 3 days after Lindell's request. But since we live in a hell-world where nothing is ever done when it should be, it took them this long to finally award it.

    • @hydefog9
      @hydefog9 Год назад +12

      @@danielgehring7437 worth it imho!

    • @unknown5150variable
      @unknown5150variable Год назад +10

      He did at the time, its just that "Justice" is slow and careful, maybe to maintain the ruse if being blind

    • @bjdefilippo447
      @bjdefilippo447 Год назад +14

      I loved that the only people he allowed to look at the files were Trump supporters.

  • @FreakinRicann
    @FreakinRicann Год назад +101

    Happy 420 to all and to all a good high!

  • @iamjackscompletelackofsurp9606
    @iamjackscompletelackofsurp9606 Год назад +34

    I hate corporations, but I hate desantis so much more! Go Disney!

  • @yellowwoodstraveler
    @yellowwoodstraveler Год назад +7

    There's almost always a point in your videos where I smash the like button before the end. When you say something so excellent I just can't wait. In this video it was the DeSantis/history book line. That was beautiful.

  • @toddklempan105
    @toddklempan105 Год назад +17

    “I love how stupid everything is”, catch phrase of the moment.

    • @VulsikDoSurilim
      @VulsikDoSurilim Год назад

      I know it's a different context, but this just reminded me of "It's funny how dumb you are.".
      🎩
      / \
      _____ / 👁 \ _____
      | / --------- \ |
      ( (

  • @kenotube3160
    @kenotube3160 Год назад +141

    If Disney leaves Florida, the next most popular tourist attraction would be having an old person scream at you to get off their lawn.

    • @davidfarmer1859
      @davidfarmer1859 Год назад +2

      I'd line up for that!

    • @squirrelsarepeopletoo6678
      @squirrelsarepeopletoo6678 Год назад +3

      That's one of the best comments ever !!!

    • @Jstef09
      @Jstef09 Год назад +1

      Or realistically the beaches.. but yeah hey, old person I guess

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Год назад +4

      I'd've said DeSantis's residency. Beside which a vendor selling eggs, toilet paper, and tomatoes happens to have set up shop, by pure coincidence...

    • @chrissiek8706
      @chrissiek8706 Год назад +5

      More like get out of their swamp

  • @tommyt1971
    @tommyt1971 Год назад +1

    Hey Stephen, that crack about a history book in Florida was DEAD ON!! And thanks for the Lionel Mandrake joke too.

  • @CherylWood-dd7zm
    @CherylWood-dd7zm Год назад +3

    is a fruit salad an orgy? best joke of the whole thing.

  • @wwj837
    @wwj837 Год назад +24

    For those of us living in Florida political H3LL, please refer to the governor as Ron DeSatan!!!

    • @PADS62
      @PADS62 Год назад

      This comment should have 20mil likes! 👏👏👏
      I've been calling him that since 2020. (I was born & raised in the outskirts of Miami 😊)
      My sis-in-law, who still lives in FLA, calls him Deathsantis.
      I Love Yours Waaay Better! 😂

  • @aggressiveattitudeera887
    @aggressiveattitudeera887 Год назад +122

    DeSantis got smoked like a blunt!

  • @kevinreid8946
    @kevinreid8946 Год назад +17

    He should include BANANA in every Desantis joke it's like saying IT'S POTATO in his Russian jokes. Hilarious!

  • @wrohr15309
    @wrohr15309 Год назад +1

    "The rodents here already walk up right" LOL

  • @Cancun771
    @Cancun771 Год назад +358

    If Norm McDonald were still with us, he would remind viewers every single show that the Jan 6 ringleaders have suffered zero consequences. Pressure your representatives every day if you want the Jan 6 ringleaders to get punished.
    Otherwise it will _not_ be happening and *they will try again and succeed.*

    • @dianedenham5259
      @dianedenham5259 Год назад +15

      Did you hear that the Zip Tie Guy and his mom were found guilty, but don't have to go back in for sentencing until after summer? 😕

    • @jodinsan
      @jodinsan Год назад +8

      One of my representatives is Ron Johnson. So, uh... not sure that's going to work out for me too well.

    • @Blasted2Oblivion
      @Blasted2Oblivion Год назад +2

      In sorry. If he were still with us? I can't believe this is how I found out he died.

    • @virginiaf.5764
      @virginiaf.5764 Год назад +3

      Norm is missed so much.

    • @stephencoldbear
      @stephencoldbear Год назад +2

      Norm McDonald? That guy from all the really bad sitcoms in the 90s? Haven't heard about him since I was in high school, but I remember he was in like 50 sitcoms but he couldn't stop smiling long enough to do any actual acting. ...which is fine. It's good to be happy and spread a smile around, but actors generally need to be able to express more than one emotion.

  • @cmcalgary
    @cmcalgary Год назад +65

    Things have been fine with legalization here in Canada. You should do it!

    • @v.b9139
      @v.b9139 Год назад +4

      Same here in California!

    • @glenncordova4027
      @glenncordova4027 Год назад +4

      Same here in New Mexico!

    • @janemlee6701
      @janemlee6701 Год назад +4

      Same here in Colorado

    • @didomilan1725
      @didomilan1725 Год назад +5

      Washington too, the evergreen state

    • @LoPhatKao
      @LoPhatKao Год назад +5

      love legal weed up here🍁
      have 5 stores within 10 minutes walk

  • @Jan-zv7ze
    @Jan-zv7ze Год назад +1

    Thank God we have Stephen's voice of reason! Vote BLUE and keep our country GREAT, safe and sane.

  • @AthenaKeatingThomas
    @AthenaKeatingThomas Год назад +4

    DeSatan wouldn't give two seconds of concern for anyone who lost a Disney job, or the consequences of that if Disney left Florida.
    Disney Insulted DeSatan. Disney Didn't Do What He Wants. That's all he cares about. He'll keep fighting even if it hurts all Floridians.

  • @LuciTerra666
    @LuciTerra666 Год назад +87

    Since Florida will be completely under water within the next decade I'm sure Disney was already looking to get the hell out of Dodge anyway.

    • @jpdemer5
      @jpdemer5 Год назад +1

      They're hoping to transition ... to a beachfront resort.

    • @shanefarnellmusic
      @shanefarnellmusic Год назад

      They all probably think climate change is fake news...so maybe not

    • @JusticeAlways
      @JusticeAlways Год назад

      Hope they have Georgia on Their Mind..👍

  • @oshunbleu6511
    @oshunbleu6511 Год назад +21

    😂 "I love how stupid everything is " 😂

  • @VINZBROWN
    @VINZBROWN Год назад +4

    Yoooooo ....Stephen and the joke writers of this show ROCK .... as usual!!❤

  • @Narutonarutonaruto85
    @Narutonarutonaruto85 Год назад +57

    Just the threat of Disney moving to another state is a blow to DeSantis. I'm sure a good chunk of his base realizes what would happen if the state's largest employer leaves.

    • @bsing2u
      @bsing2u Год назад

      Incorporating state tax will make them all flip out

    • @pamelabennett1492
      @pamelabennett1492 Год назад

      😂😂😂😂

    • @shiruba2004
      @shiruba2004 Год назад +1

      You might be overestimating the education level of his base.

    • @danielzhang1916
      @danielzhang1916 Год назад +1

      Florida needs Disney not the other way, the state is done for if Disney really leaves

  • @laineyturner3785
    @laineyturner3785 Год назад +21

    These Supreme Court decisions should not be allowed release at these ridiculous hours. 11:59 on a Friday? That’s B.S!

    • @nomore6167
      @nomore6167 Год назад +1

      "These Supreme Court decisions should not be allowed release at these ridiculous hours. 11:59 on a Friday? That’s B.S!" - Why? The timing does not alter the decision in any way or restrict who can access it. Can you give me one reason you think it's BS, other than "I don't like it"?

    • @Spiritof_76
      @Spiritof_76 Год назад

      @@nomore6167 So it can go into the weekend and avoid the daily scheduled news cycle during week days, so the Supreme Court can be out of their offices and avoid protesters by retreating to their hidden homes or weekend hideaways. They're chickenshits to put it more succinctly.

    • @pamelacass9642
      @pamelacass9642 Год назад +4

      Probably Ginni Thomas' idea.

    • @momain5483
      @momain5483 Год назад

      Whole heartedly agree. They did the same thing with Roe so we know how they're going to rule based on them delaying it alone. They're cowards who want to run and hide because they know they've fucked up but don't care too much because they're getting paid to do it. Despicable and corrupt.

    • @firstlast-gn5bo
      @firstlast-gn5bo Год назад

      I’d think it more sneaky shadow docket crap, who knows what else they’ll drop along with it.

  • @kimberlycornelius7911
    @kimberlycornelius7911 Год назад +55

    Desantis hell bent on state taxes for its residents in Fla

    • @michaeldougherty6036
      @michaeldougherty6036 Год назад +8

      My parents are in Florida. I'm sad to say that if DeSantis drives Disney out of Florida, they will cheer. And then they will blame Biden for the sudden need for state income tax.

    • @j.dragon651
      @j.dragon651 Год назад +3

      @@michaeldougherty6036 I just want you to know that all of we seniors are in that boat.

  • @peggygallagher5802
    @peggygallagher5802 Год назад +2

    Is it just me, or does our Stephen look like he's havin' a reeeaally good time ?😂
    ✌️💜🙏

  • @zorthecruel6558
    @zorthecruel6558 Год назад +1

    The "S.S. Not A Bribe" -- LMAO!

  • @shermanculbertson6244
    @shermanculbertson6244 Год назад +350

    Thank you Stephen for keeping us smiling and laughing in this Trump and MAGA filled insane world. You are truly a gem and a national treasure. God bless you and all your staff.

    • @mattevans-koch9353
      @mattevans-koch9353 Год назад +12

      Well said. Thank you.

    • @mikekim1219
      @mikekim1219 Год назад +10

      Amen!

    • @blinkybit
      @blinkybit Год назад

      Colbert is also a big part of the problem. Americans and their blind worship culture. His entire schtick is feeding the machine on the other side, and profits wildly from simply being the antithesis to the ridiculous right. And as any intelligent person knows, no binary framework can describe any phenomena with any useful articulation. He whips up audiences who blondy whoop and cheer tribally. And You all eat it up as a balanced discourse. You're as blind as those tribals idiots on the right.

    • @Master_Petes_Theater
      @Master_Petes_Theater Год назад +14

      ​@@user-wc1qi1lx7fStellar grammar! 😂

    • @Clemlove17
      @Clemlove17 Год назад +16

      ​@@user-wc1qi1lx7f 😂 isn't it funny when the absence of one little comma can take a lame attempt at insult and change it to a "thank you" to Stephen for all the worthwhile things he does. 😅

  • @ChainReactionsProductions
    @ChainReactionsProductions Год назад +269

    Elon Musk is the perfect example of the old adage “just because someone’s rich doesn’t mean they make good business decisions”

    • @coffeeNTrees
      @coffeeNTrees Год назад +8

      all he ever did was code paypal

    • @jokrg
      @jokrg Год назад +10

      ... and Mike Lindell.. lol.... and Trump... yatta, yatta...

    • @jschuler53
      @jschuler53 Год назад +1

      Right on. "Because you have money you have a moral imperative to spend it." ~Frederick Neizsche

    • @waltonsimons12
      @waltonsimons12 Год назад +2

      That's not actually an old adage. Because if it had been, we'd have stopped idolizing the rich a LONG time ago.

    • @davidwoods7408
      @davidwoods7408 Год назад +5

      Nor does it make them a genius!

  • @MCham52
    @MCham52 Год назад +1

    "Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake". Love the Dr. Strangelove shout-out!!

  • @rustandoldlace
    @rustandoldlace Год назад +1

    Best monologue in a while! 🤣😂🤣

  • @helenamirian908
    @helenamirian908 Год назад +13

    My brother works at SpaceX and he's been helping set up that rocket 😂. He knows I'm afraid of heights and likes to send me selfies from the tower while he's been hanging up there doing maintenance on it.

    • @amietedeschi3203
      @amietedeschi3203 Год назад +1

      That is so cool! I have a former student who works there too. He’s part of the team that designed the spacesuits. 😊

  • @wtf1185
    @wtf1185 Год назад +16

    "Ron, are you a history book in Florida? Because you just got burned." "I love how stupid everything is." Two best quotes of the night.
    Has anybody ever heard of any other group besides Christians and Nazis who burn books? I don't know of any.

    • @crashbashify
      @crashbashify Год назад

      A better question is: if you did, would you adjust your world view?

    • @wtf1185
      @wtf1185 Год назад

      @@crashbashify What, are you Nuts?!? Banning and/or burning books is bad no matter who does it. Books are someone's thoughts on paper, why don't you just burn people instead. Oh wait, the Christians already did that in the Roman and Spanish inquisitions.

    • @eroraf8637
      @eroraf8637 Год назад +1

      Qin Shi Huang, China, 213 BC.
      Library of Congress, 1812.
      Anti-slavery books, US, 1859-60.
      Post-WWII criticism of Allies, Japan, 1945-1952.
      Literally dozens of other examples, some of more veracity than others; see Wikipedia’s “List of book-burning incidents” for a good starting place.
      While it is true that many book burnings were motivated by religious ideology, there is a huge difference between the selective destruction of heretical works and the indiscriminate burning of an entire library or culture. I don’t condone the destruction of information that one personally disagrees with.

    • @wtf1185
      @wtf1185 Год назад

      @@eroraf8637 Thank you for proving my broader point that people who burn books are authoritarians who are intolerant of any ideas that don't comport to their own ideology. And just what is the difference between the selective destruction of heretical works and the indiscriminate burning of an entire library or culture?

  • @Daktangle
    @Daktangle Год назад +5

    The Don't Say Gay shit is pretty much a copy of Thatcher's Section 28, which screwed over a generation of LGBTQIA+ kids.

  • @rosalie4797
    @rosalie4797 Год назад +29

    Another great monologue and great band backup! Thank You!🎉

  • @moondancejackson5081
    @moondancejackson5081 Год назад +14

    You are on fire, Stephen! Thanks for making me laugh at the madness!

  • @stacyokuda7133
    @stacyokuda7133 Год назад +1

    Damn, Stephen and his writers are on fire today!

  • @patcon314
    @patcon314 Год назад +1

    I loved the "Group Captain Lionel Mandrake" reference.

  • @chimps4gimps
    @chimps4gimps Год назад +37

    Elon, making up for the emissions saved by Tesla in 90seconds.

    • @yuki-sakurakawa
      @yuki-sakurakawa Год назад +1

      Don't rockets use hydrogen fuel, not gasoline or diesel 🤔

    • @abhinavbhatia_AI
      @abhinavbhatia_AI Год назад +1

      This one uses liquid methane so that it can be refueled on Mars. But thankfully, raptor 2 engine is as efficient as physics allows.

  • @JMcKey21
    @JMcKey21 Год назад +3

    "Are you a history book in Florida". Now that made me chuckle!

  • @chompachangas
    @chompachangas Год назад +3

    Bahaha "Zeidman laid out his findings in a 15-page report. “I have proven that the data Lindell provides … unequivocally does not contain packet data of any kind and do not contain any information related to the November 2020 election,” he wrote."

  • @gamepapa1211
    @gamepapa1211 Год назад +64

    The only disappointing thing about that rocket exploding is that Elon Musk was not on it.

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 Год назад +3

      I was sort of hoping it was gonna hit a Chinese spy balloon.

    • @WeAllLiveInTheTwilightZone
      @WeAllLiveInTheTwilightZone Год назад +9

      Even if he was, it still could be termed "unmanned"!!!!

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Год назад

      ...and it still wouldn't count toward human casualties, so that's good. (Not unless we've suddenly counted aliens cosplaying as anthropomorphic naked mole rats as humans.)

    • @elenachristian9860
      @elenachristian9860 Год назад

      Strapped to it?

  • @SeanKStephens
    @SeanKStephens Год назад +194

    I would love to see Disney both move and retain complete ownership of their property, remove every single item of note, demolish every building, then leave it behind as just an huge empty lot that no one else can have or use leaving only a security force to keep out trespassers and surrounding areas devoid of the throngs of employees that moved with Disney to wherever it goes.

    • @ianmiller6040
      @ianmiller6040 Год назад +33

      It's like a 43-mile long middle finger to the entire state of Florida! I love it.

    • @kittehgo
      @kittehgo Год назад +17

      Isn't universal in florida as well?, I wonder how they would react if disney moved..

    • @jpdemer5
      @jpdemer5 Год назад +10

      Stock the lagoons with alligators - that'll cut down on the trespassing.

    • @The_Serpent_of_Eden
      @The_Serpent_of_Eden Год назад +7

      It won't happen, but I too love the idea of the gates simply locked and all that quiet, empty space just sitting there. Would be very poignant. (I also love thinking about all the tens of thousands of people who would be out of work.)

    • @j.dragon651
      @j.dragon651 Год назад

      Just move out, the vandals and squaters will take care of the rest.

  • @suzannefarrington4143
    @suzannefarrington4143 Год назад +5

    You had me at “DeSantis Humiliated”…😉

  • @tracycraft
    @tracycraft Год назад

    I love the phrase, " sudden unscheduled disassembly." I was slowly disassembling things and found myself remembering that phrase today.

  • @TheWtfanime
    @TheWtfanime Год назад +50

    Yes please move Disney World to another state, one that’s not as hot as the surface of the sun in summer.

    • @veryberry39
      @veryberry39 Год назад +11

      Man, it's not even the heat, it's the humidity. I live down here, and every time you walk outside it's like someone dropping a wet dish rag over your body. Hot, yes, but miserably wet. There's nowhere for the sweat to evaporate to, so it just stays on your skin. 😭

    • @squirrelsarepeopletoo6678
      @squirrelsarepeopletoo6678 Год назад +1

      I don't care about the heat, there's just too damn many Floridians.

    • @freya8133
      @freya8133 Год назад +2

      ​@@veryberry39 It's the heat too. Dry heat to me is as unbearable as wet.

    • @pamelabennett1492
      @pamelabennett1492 Год назад +2

      GEORGIA! SOUTH GEORGIA

    • @pamelabennett1492
      @pamelabennett1492 Год назад +1

      ​​@@veryberry39 Learn how to regulate your inner core temperature and yes, sweat can evaporate into the air, if you wear the right clothing. Raised in Florida, I know these things.

  • @zeroreyortsed3624
    @zeroreyortsed3624 Год назад +20

    Yep, apparently that study didn't catch the "Macgyver smokers" 😅.
    "Get me an avocado, an ice pick, and my snorkel.... Trust me bro, I've made bongs with less." 😂😂

    • @dianedenham5259
      @dianedenham5259 Год назад

      I'm intrigued... go on... 😏

    • @ESL-O.G.
      @ESL-O.G. Год назад

      Hurry up!!!

    • @user-sq3cg6er2o
      @user-sq3cg6er2o Год назад

      @@dianedenham5259 It is easy an avocado has a pit in the center, cut the avocado in half and remove the pit. Cut a strip out of the peel opposite the pit hole the size of the mouthpiece of the snorkel poke a hole through the pit hole to the snorkel opening with the ice pick. Pack the pit hole with weed and fire it up.
      It works best with an Un ripened fruit.

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 Год назад

      @@dianedenham5259 A pipe is simply a tube that's long enough so the smoke you get at the end is not hot anymore. You can make one out of anything you can bore through. I once knew a guy who was so desperate he built a 'reverse bong' by digging a U-shaped hole in the ground with a pocketknife.

    • @vietnamd0820
      @vietnamd0820 Год назад +2

      I ❤ Half Baked movie references

  • @Frankiedec11
    @Frankiedec11 7 месяцев назад +1

    Imagine 5000 years of history gone in a blink of an eye

    • @Frankiedec11
      @Frankiedec11 7 месяцев назад

      Welcome to America destroyer of worlds

  • @sherryberry2394
    @sherryberry2394 Год назад +1

    I am a Floridian, born and raised here. I LuHuV ❤ the idea of moving Disney to NC! One, because DeSantis will be supremely hated by Floridians for this. Second, because this hateFULL GOP-dominated state doesn't deserve Disney! God, I hate this retiree-mecca State! 🤬 (BTW, I'm 63.)

  • @saturnv2419
    @saturnv2419 Год назад +18

    Ron fighting over Disney is like a kid fighting with Tyson.

  • @mireillelebeau2513
    @mireillelebeau2513 Год назад +31

    I love how Louis adds his touch to Stephen's monologue

  • @johnmoore9404
    @johnmoore9404 Год назад

    I love the line " I am pretty sure the rodents have learned how to stand upright and sign autographs" - What a keeper.

  • @ricosuave7905
    @ricosuave7905 Год назад +1

    This was a solid monologue

  • @simonghosh649
    @simonghosh649 Год назад +4

    "A metaphor for Twitter" Fucking Brutal! 😂😂😂😂

  • @jessetorres8738
    @jessetorres8738 Год назад +40

    For all of the hate people have towards the Big Pharma Industry, this is the 1 time I want them to say to our politicians to interfere with this ruling since if all it takes is 1 judge to stop the sale of pharmaceutical medications that will hurt their profits big time, & if it keeps the abortion pill on the market it's a win-win.

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 Год назад +13

      Especially because you have to keep in mind, a great many drugs can inhibit one's reproductive capabilities. If they don't word the ruling extremely carefully (and with this crew, you just kind of already know they won't), it would affect everything from anti-psychotics to OTC drugs designed to help with arthritis.

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Год назад +1

      I mean, if companies are people... 😏

  • @Caroljwj
    @Caroljwj Год назад +1

    How wonderful. What a great idea. Thank you. I can't wait to start.

  • @lady_draguliana784
    @lady_draguliana784 Год назад

    I am totally stealing "are you a book in Florida?" 🤣😂🤣😂

  • @shirleyandrews1152
    @shirleyandrews1152 Год назад +53

    You’re missing a prop ! Mike always wears a cross necklace to prove he’s a Christian🤣😂🤣😂

    • @veryberry39
      @veryberry39 Год назад +12

      His actions suggest he's the worst kind of human, but man, that necklace has me 100% sold on his humble Christianity. 😂

    • @waltonsimons12
      @waltonsimons12 Год назад

      @@veryberry39 Mike Lindell is the only crack addict who was a better person BEFORE he kicked.

    • @stephencoldbear
      @stephencoldbear Год назад +2

      Ah, yes, just like the cross necklace Ozzy Osbourne wore in Black Sabbath to prove he's a Christian.

    • @clarewillison9379
      @clarewillison9379 Год назад +6

      That’s not a cross necklace, that’s just a very angry necklace. 😉

    • @firstlast-gn5bo
      @firstlast-gn5bo Год назад +1

      Yep. Outside the shirt. He’s such a ______. 😂😂

  • @Thanos88888
    @Thanos88888 Год назад +222

    Disneyworld is my only reason to want to visit Florida. If Desantis does choose to chase Disney away, he'll lose my tourism dollars. I'm sure that I'm not alone in this sentiment.

    • @dacksonflux
      @dacksonflux Год назад

      You're not and while I hate tourists you do give us money.

    • @jpdemer5
      @jpdemer5 Год назад +23

      It's THE only reason to want to visit Florida.

    • @amyreynolds3619
      @amyreynolds3619 Год назад +26

      I've got Trumplican relatives in Florida. You're right. Disney World is the only reason why anyone would visit Florida.

    • @blackdemonknight
      @blackdemonknight Год назад +5

      @@amyreynolds3619 Well there is also Miami but yeah Disney is a main big reason most people go to Florida

    • @annalieff-saxby568
      @annalieff-saxby568 Год назад +1

      It's certainly the only reason I'd go to that godforsaken place, save for a brief pilgrimage to Slip F-18, Bahia Mar, Ft Lauderdale.
      (Those who know, know)

  • @susanfarley1332
    @susanfarley1332 Год назад +2

    I live in hope of another "is potato" joke. They are the best.

  • @wecandoit2488
    @wecandoit2488 Год назад

    Stephen, you and your awesome team should create a book of anecdotes. I luv luv this one and its perfect timing. "Oh Damn Ron, Are you a history Book in Florida cause you just got Burned" 👏👏😂😂

  • @melissawatkins7332
    @melissawatkins7332 Год назад +129

    Disney didn't just pop up the way it is today, why would Disney give up the state they MADE! NAW, They are going to make sure Ronnie NEVER has so much as a dog catchers power again.

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 Год назад +17

      Yes, you're right that Disney probably wouldn't move just to avoid confrontation with a (very) temporary governor, but I have heard before that there are other reasons they might want to move, and have considered it in the past. Their location is a pretty big one, they're about as far from all of the major concentrations of population as they could get, so it's a hassle for like 95% of Americans to visit the place; and the land itself that it's built on is pretty terrible, basically swamp land that's been a constant thorn for both their existing and new building projects. So it would probably _make_ them a lot more money to move somewhere else, the fact that they could also do it to gain a little political clout would just be gravy.

    • @nomore6167
      @nomore6167 Год назад +8

      "They are going to make sure Ronnie NEVER has so much as a dog catchers power again" - Disney has no say in that. The voters do, and never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

    • @nomore6167
      @nomore6167 Год назад +16

      @@danielgehring7437 "Their location is a pretty big one, they're about as far from all of the major concentrations of population as they could get" - The location is also at significant risk of flooding in the future due to rising sea level.

    • @dacksonflux
      @dacksonflux Год назад

      I sincerely hope you are right

    • @dacksonflux
      @dacksonflux Год назад +6

      @@danielgehring7437 um no... They're in Orlando and not far from the international airport. They're only about an hour from Tampa and 30 minutes from the nearest major beach.

  • @ClayLoomis1958
    @ClayLoomis1958 Год назад +45

    At least they had a sense of humor about the missile. They Tweeted that they had an "unscheduled, rapid disassembly" of the missile.

    • @brian5o
      @brian5o Год назад +3

      You have to give him credit, he was pretty efficient about it. 💥
      🚀

    • @alex35agm
      @alex35agm Год назад +1

      Must taking their descriptions from Putin.

    • @crashbashify
      @crashbashify Год назад +1

      Nah, a clear self awareness and sense of humour doesn’t stick with the bandwagon of hate.

  • @dannycole319
    @dannycole319 10 месяцев назад

    'Are you a history book in Florida? Cause you just got burned!' Perfect joke, for a perfect joke of a political body.

  • @rufusreir1732
    @rufusreir1732 Год назад +3

    WHERE is the part about GEORGE SANTOS, mentioned in the title ?????????????????????? huh

  • @gamepapa1211
    @gamepapa1211 Год назад +210

    DeSatan completely forgot that his fellow Republicans are all opportunists. If he's going to have beef with Mickey, nobody says North Carolina can't profit out of his idiocy.

    • @JohnDoe-et8th
      @JohnDoe-et8th Год назад

      His shtick only works on the uneducated morons and geriatric wealth hoarders in Florida. It doesn't travel well. With any luck, he'll drive Disney out and even Florida Man will turn on him.

    • @rebeccacamacho-sobczak4282
      @rebeccacamacho-sobczak4282 Год назад +2

      Whoa!!!!

    • @user-uh5tb9er4o
      @user-uh5tb9er4o Год назад +1

      i live in NC and don't want Disney here do you want it in your backyard?

    • @alalalala57
      @alalalala57 Год назад +11

      ​@@user-uh5tb9er4o Hell yeah, I wanna go to Disneyland!

    • @SquishyProductions
      @SquishyProductions Год назад +10

      @@user-uh5tb9er4o Do have ANY idea? *ANY IDEA AT ALL* How much money Disney brings to Florida?

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander Год назад +92

    “Psst… Hey, Mike. I have proof that the 2020 election was stolen, and I also have a bridge to sell you.”

    • @pollytiks3885
      @pollytiks3885 Год назад +3

      Not the bridge though - Arizona bought that.

    • @SpaceForceCommander
      @SpaceForceCommander Год назад +5

      @@pollytiks3885 I think they bought it 4 or 5 times, judging by the recounts.

  • @aliciaevans7966
    @aliciaevans7966 Год назад +2

    Whenever something big happens which would be comedic gold, this guy is on holidays...

  • @chrispbacon955
    @chrispbacon955 9 месяцев назад

    I'm afraid I won't make it till you come back. I loved your show and will miss you forever. Thank you for the laughter.

  • @jeremywarren7424
    @jeremywarren7424 Год назад +47

    Can't lie, Colbert is rocking the 'stache

  • @Tayace1
    @Tayace1 Год назад +149

    Can you imagine if Disney actually left Florida? They are the states biggest employer. DeStantis would curl up into ball and weep as about 70,000 people suddenly lose their jobs because of his BS. Angry Republicans never think before they act.

    • @ColinFox
      @ColinFox Год назад +32

      You could just trim that to "Republicans never think". There I fixed it for ya.

    • @Schmidtelpunkt
      @Schmidtelpunkt Год назад

      They would be angry at the democrats for causing this. If their opinion was based on reason and rationality, they would not be Republicans in the first place.

    • @CelesteKnowles
      @CelesteKnowles Год назад +7

      Boot boy would curl up into a ball to ward off the blows from the angry, unemployed mob!!

    • @Leah-yz4rj
      @Leah-yz4rj Год назад +10

      And taxpayers would be responsible for billions in taxes. Good luck living in Florida without tourism. 😂

    • @ozzykey23
      @ozzykey23 Год назад +1

      They are opening a new one in Texas RGV!🎉

  • @karenb4148
    @karenb4148 11 месяцев назад

    I loved Elon's rocket blowing up and Steven saying: "Houston, we have a metaphor for Twitter."

  • @justinmas299
    @justinmas299 Год назад

    That NC lawmaker should be charged with fraud for wasting taxpayer's money.

  • @guavas66
    @guavas66 Год назад +8

    "I love how stupid everything is!" 😅

  • @sheristewart2770
    @sheristewart2770 Год назад +9

    Great episode tonight! Stephen was on FIRE! 😂