some additional notes! the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire: best way i can explain the difference is sexual attraction is relating to someone or some people. sexual desire is relating to the act itself. so you can have no attraction to a person and still want to have sex for whatever reason be it you like the feeling, you like the person and it's something you want to share with them, or whatever! asexuals having casual sex is a thing as well! but still no one's business! the difference between romantic and sexual attraction: romantic attraction relates to who you're interested in pursuing romantically, i.e dating, love, beyond platonic relationships. sexual attraction relates to who you're interested in pursuing sexually (by some sort of natural force, because you can pursue someone sexually without being sexually attracted to them). for many aces, sexual pursuits don't come naturally, but are still of interest! i also hope it didn't come too late in the video that all asexuals are valid! and not just ones that are still open to sex, because i would never want to enforce that idea. i just hope for more accurate information on the whole spectrum! i encourage you to read through the comments and check out all the questions and answers!
Also, there’s people who say asexuals and aromatics aren’t apart if the LGBT+ community, that is completely false. The A in LGBTQIA+ community stands for Asexual, Aromatic along with Agender, we are still apart of it.
Considering I have friends that have accepted people as gay, trans and such but still try talk me into dating people (I’m aromantic and asexual). How is a simple not want to be in a relationship so hard to accept? I think for sure it is part of the LGBT+ community.
@@lifear9288 well not technically since most people disagree with that idea. Allies are just people who support the lgbtq+ and it feels weird to try to make it seem like they are apart of it.
While I'm heterosexual, I willingly got into a relationship with my girlfriend knowing she identified as a heteroromantic asexual, having no desire for any of that at all. After a while, she realised she was actually demisexual, developing those feelings for me, which means it works out great for both of us I guess, because of course I'm attracted to her too, but either way I was happy to be with her, because I love her, and sex really is just not the most important thing at all in my opinion, even if it's something I would personally desire. I actually have been quite interested in the asexuality spectrum for a while, I think it's all fascinating! I feel I'm proudly very much an ally to all of you! You're all completely valid and real, of course!!
it's nice to know there are so many open people out there! and for some, not having those things wouldn't work for them, and that's valid too, but you really open yourself up to so many more experiences if you give people chances!
I feel like not many people know just how much gray area there is in any LGBTQIA+ label. There is a lot of complicated information that I want to educate myself about, and that I hope everyone is able to learn eventually.
The Q, people use queer as an umbrella term for anyone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community if you dont want labels, fit under multiple labels, or don't know what they fit under
I wish people would stop lumping all these different groups under one umbrella, especially for activism and political things. As you said there's a whole lot of gray area, with a lot of different people, who have a lot of different priorities.
I literally haven’t even seen the video yet but as an ace gal who has been struggling lately, I already appreciate it. just having someone in the ace community talk about it makes me so happy. thank you shub!!! 💜🤍🖤
this is actually the first time I’m hearing there’s a difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire and its clearing up my head when it comes to being able to figure out and contextualize how I feel because I’ve felt a certain ‘ooOOoo’ way about people and its made me hesitate about using the asexual label but I've known there’s something different there so I really appreciate this thanks for giving valuable insight !!
i really appreciate the WAY that shelby speaks about asexuality. she understands that there are so many different places people can land on the spectrum and she makes sure to emphasize the validity of each and every identity. i also appreciate her point about how while there is representation of asexuality in media, it's mostly of the same trope of asexuality. this causes a generalization to be made by those who see those characters and it's kind of harmful, unfortunately. but thank you shelby, for making this video and also just being so openly proud to be asexual. from a fellow ace, i appreciate you so much !
I'm demi and for the LONGEST time I just thought I was broken. I couldn't relate to a lot of girl talk, the idea of dating a complete stranger is terrifying and near-repulsive to me. And when I realized I might be demi, someone told me "no you're not, you like kpop guys" so I kind of just went back into my shell of "guess I'm just broken." I now realize he made some of the same assumptions that you mentioned. Anyway, thank you for being willing to talk about this! We're not broken, we're just different and that is valid, and how we get on is nobody's business but involved parties. ❤
It honestly helps so much to have such good representation on the ace spectrum like Shelby to help people who may be confused about themselves to come to terms with who they are ❤️
I’m early because I was stalking. Like I was physically STARING at your three channels and waiting for you to post something lol. Thank you for sharing and explaining asexuality!!!
I honestly love how confident Shelby is while discussing asexuality because it can be hard to talk about these types of conversations on the internet. This also helped me figure out my sexuality more. Thank you!
as someone who didn’t quite fit the stereotype, you talking about these things really helped me with my self discovery! it’s taken me about a year to be where i am now since learning about the ace spectrum, and it’s thanks to this community i can say i’m confident with my identity. so thanks for that :)
This is my favorite comfort video. I realised I was ace a couple years ago and have watched Shelby for even longer, and when I watched this video for the first time I cried. Her answers to the questions are absolutely perfect while not sounding forced. She sounds so confident and genuine talking about this like it's a totally normal QNA (because it is and should be considered a normal topic rather than something to be scared of talking about!) This isn't even mentioning how the aesthetic of this video is so comforting and warm feeling with the clean colors of the plants and wall, the sunlight streaming through the window, the books, the chill and happy music, and ofc Shelby's beautiful voice that sounds so kind and accepting. A lot of the things talked about in the video are really relatable with how people seem to judge me when they find out I'm ace and make so many assumptions about me. Even if they have good intentions people really like to get in others businesses by asking some pretty pushy questions, and also try to defend us when they often dont really understand what it means ("I wanna say they've got the spirit but they don't even have that"). This video makes me feel like I'm not wrong for being asexual or for feeling kind of uncomfortable with how some people try to defend us in very aggressive ways rather than in educational ones. It makes me hopeful for my future seeing someone talk about asexuality like it's a normal thing, and even more so because it's coming from someone who I already looked up to, so yeah. I really appreciate this video and how it gave such genuine relatable and informative answers to these really important questions. If you happen to read this, thank you Shelby for educating people in such a kind way and for making a video that makes me feel less like an outsider
I really appreciate you talking about this, Shelby. Apparently you have a lot of ace viewers, heh, not including me, but you've seemed to help them all so much. Thank you for being you. So goddamn much.
Your interview with Anthony Padilla provided me with so much clarity in how I felt. I also thought something was wrong and I just acted how I thought I was suppose to act. I still haven't told a lot of my friends, but I've spoken with my mother about it. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I owe you a thanks for that.
I did not know what asexual meant at the beginning, but when I watched Shelby talking abt it on stream, I learnt so much that I didn’t know, even leading to me to coming out.
i don’t know if anyone will see this but i would like to note!! from what i’ve heard, aromantics sometimes DATE! i’m not personally aro but i’ve seen people discuss it. it works similar to how aces can be intimate with a person. while aros don’t feel the attraction, they may like the act of holding hands or kissing and stuff :)) but this is based on other people’s experiences
yep! romantic and sexual orientations are only about what attraction you feel or don't feel, what people decide to do for any other reasons they may have is up to them. there's also a term QPR, or queerplatonic relationship, that might fit relationships without romance like that (i'd recommend looking it up to get a better explanation haha). and i've seen the term alterous attraction too, which i really like, it's a word for other types of attraction that don't quite fall into typical categories like romantic, sexual, or platonic (correct me if i'm wrong here, there're definitely much better explanations of this too if you want to look it up) :)
topics like sexuality and sex were considered taboo for a long time, is no wonder why people are not educated on it. However, it’s because of people like Shelby that educated and normalize talking about these important issues. Amazing 💛
as someone who didn't realize they were ace until watching your video with Anthony Padilla last year, thank you for spreading ace awareness! if it weren't for you, i'd probably still be feeling... incomplete? broken? something along those lines, and generally uncomfortable with myself. now that i know that i'm whole, and valid, and NOT broken, my sexuality is no longer one of my many life stressors, so thank you again, shelby
cool video! i hope me correcting a few bits of misinformation isn't taken as a "fuck you" or anything, I'm genuinely really glad you made this video and it's going to help a lot of people, there's just a few things I noticed. "aromantics dont date and don't seek out romantic relationships": some aromantics DO date in the same way that some asexuals have sex! Even though there's no attraction, the desire may still be there! of course it's a spectrum just like asexuality, some aromantics want no part in romance and some are in/desire romantic relationships! "the terms for the spectrum of sexual desire are sex positive, sex neutral, and sex negative": the terms 'sex positive' and 'sex negative' specifically refer to people's stances on consent, sex education, freely available condoms/contraceptives, BDSM, et cetera. the terms that (most) ace people usually use are sex favorable, sex neutral/indifferent, and sex repulsed/averse. so you can be sex repulsed AND sex positive! like me! :) if you don't like the word repulsed, then averse is a great alternative.
I’ve always struggled with my sexuality. I have always known that I was openly attracted sexually & romantically to both women & men. I went through phases of labeling it different things & then not labeling it at all. People always thought I was just going through a “phase” because I “couldn’t make up my mind”. Talk about feeling lost! I also always thought something was wrong with me because I have very little sexual desire. I always chalked it up to my past childhood trauma & PTSD, but just watching your video helped so much just as a person struggling to figure out who they are. No matter who/what anyone chooses to identify as, we are all valid. & it means so much to me that your message not only reaches the ace community & those who are curious about it, but it reaches so many others struggling to find their place in the world. You have a beautiful soul Shelby. Thank you for being a light in this world♥️
im so happy you are willing to go out and talk about your sexuality publicly and share your experiences. you said you were in the spectrum of grey asexual, do you ever have people saying youre claiming to be asexual for attention since you said you fall under the category of might wanting to have sex if you are 1000% comfortably with that person. and if you do, how do you deal with that? also very excited too see more sit down and talk videos on this channel
i actually haven't ever had anyone claim i was doing it for attention! at least within my community, everyone is very understanding and accepting, and i think we all understand, no one would claim to be asexual for attention, because much of the time, the attention we get is unpleasant and unwanted. but some will say hetero-romantic asexuals are just straight people looking for attention, and that is just not true!
@@shelbygracesI haven’t had anyone tell me that either, but mostly because I don’t really phrase is as asexual, I kinda just say im not really into it and I only usually talk about it to close friends. It’s kinda hard for me to label it as asexual because of all the dumb questions im afraid people will ask me. I feel like every ace gets harassed if not irl then online just for being insignificantly different.
This honestly was such a nice video to see pop up on my feed. Last year I realized I was demi and oo boy has it been a rollercoaster. Mainly because I have found that because I am a straight cis white dude in his 20s not only do the I get invalidated by those who are just ignorant about the topic, I have also seen that due to asexuality being grouped in with LGBT+ I have had major push back from those inside that community as well. It led me to really stop labeling myself as demi just to appease it all. I do still use the term to describe myself but have felt wishywashy about it. But seeing people like you (someone who isn't on the more extreme ends) talk about it really does help validate my feelings. Especially with a topic that is such a spectrum, hearing you talk about it and going into the nuance of it has really helped me even understand myself more. Thank you so much for all that you do. : )
this makes me so happy. i am so glad that you are open about this because i am asexual and I think it is so nice to have a creator who i can look up to and relate to. thank you so much for being yourself :)))
I have been trying to figure out my gender/sexuality and I have also been using the word "broken" especially since my family won't be accepting when I tell them, but you talking about it and being honest has been such a big help for me. You and your community are one of the reasons I am still here today. Thank you for everything.❤
Wowza, from watching you back in the good ol’ Sky Media days all the way until now, it really feels like you’ve changed. In a positive way, I mean. Like you seem not only more mature but really proud to be who you are. While your voice is as squeaky and adorable as ever, you sound really confident and determined, it’s the kind of voice that fills someone with hope and gracefulness. Thank you for being such a nice person! Your kind spirit and amazing demeanor make you a shining light needed in this world. Keep at it, you rock this world!
I read a book recently called The Sound of Stars that had a really great portrayal of an Ace character who falls more in that gray area if anyone’s interested. It’s also just a really good sci-fi dystopia book anyways.
Yess! I know I'm late but I'm ace too and it's really hard to find good ace representation, so I'm definitely going to read that now thank you very much. (It also makes me really happy to see an ace youtuber whose videos I love!) :D
I learned so much from this video about asexuality and how it’s all a spectrum. I also related to the fact that people will automatically make assumptions about you since I’m bi and it can be super frustrating trying to move past those when talking to people.
I never comment on videos but this video is so important for information. I've always felt "broken" not like other guys my age or anything. People would make remarks about women and I wouldn't partake in the conversation because I didn't see women the same way they did (I work in construction with only males) and they would all call me gay. I knew I wasn't but couldn't quite find the way to explain to them what it was. So a couple years ago I Google if I had low testosterone because of the ways I felt. Nothing came up about asexualitaly. I saw that video of Anthony's with you in it when it came out and it really clicked for me. Not realizing that you were in that video since I found your channel a few weeks ago. Love all your content BTW. Since Anthony's video I've really been looking into the whole asexualitaly. With research about it I have learned I'm ace! Thank you for all the exposure because it has helped me find out who I am and how to be comfortable with myself. Without you and Anthony I'd probably still think something is wrong with me. Thank you for everything Shelby! 🖤🤍💜
I loved this video!! I never took time out to actually research asexuality, and I did not realize how much I had just assumed about it. Thank you so much for making this!! Side note: Can we get a book tour? Like some of those books (on the bookshelf) be looking mighty fine if I do say so myself
As an ace trying to find my place on the spectrum, I appreciate this video so much! 🥺💞 It's so hard when people make assumptions before even letting me explain how my mind works and what my preferences are.
I've been watching you for YEARS and have always admired and loved everything you do....so to find out a year after that I had come out as ace that you were ace too...I literally almost cried like I was so happy. I'm super proud of you!! Keep being your amazing beautiful self!!!
You don’t know how much this means to me Shelby. I am also asexual and hearing someone around my age talking about it makes me so happy and feel so understood. I also used to think I was broken and I would look up how to “fix” myself. I’m glad that now I have also realized being asexual isn’t something that’s wrong with me. Thank you for coming out and talking about this
I had no idea you were ace too!! I’ve been out as ace for a while and it’s awesome to find out that a content creator I enjoy watching so much is like me!
I figured out I was ace from watching the Anthony Padilla video that you were in! I related a lot to what you said in that video and this one! Thank you so much for making these! 💜🤍🖤
i'm so happy you made this video to further help everyone understand asexuality, when you came out to the internet i had never heard of that term before. you unknowingly helped me discover it and helped me, as well as many others i'm sure, try and figure out who i am, and while i'm still struggling a bit i am so thankful to you and how happy you are to talk out about it. you're helping so many people shelby :)
The way she explained how she knew is really good compared to a lot of people because some people would just say I just knew and I get that might have been true for them but that didn’t quite help me to figure out myself but u really helped me thank u
Shelby, I hope you know that your journey into this brave, confident woman has been an inspiration for people from all walks of life, and we’re all proud of you! Keep it up and never stop living your truth.
I am so happy that this video exists. I've followed you for a long time and have identified with the asexual definition ever since I was 14. This video can be so helpful for people that are questioning or looking to know about asexuality. Thank you for representing us Shelby you're amazing :)
Thank you so much for speaking on this Shubble!! I found you through Ze’s Among Us videos and immediately loved your bright and bubbly personality! I was even more pleasantly surprised to find out you’re heteroromantic ace, like me! I don’t personally know anyone IRL nor see many figures online in the same boat, so it’s just an amazing feeling to see. Thank you for being so open, well-spoken, and validating. Wishing you all the best!
Hey Shubble! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the video!!! I've been struggling for a few years on how I felt about stuff, and you're video helped so much! It helped me realize that I'm Ace!
I am pansexual, asexual and demisexual. I like everyone, feel no sexual attraction and will only like people I have a bond with. I can't walk out in the street and see someone and be like, OMG I WANT TO DATE THEM! I don't even know how that person acts. I find the thought of sex disgusting and I never want to have it. I find everyone attractive but lean more towards girls so a lot of people confuse me with being lesbian. I will usually just say that I'm a lesbian because I don't wanna take 20 minutes explaining my sexualities to someone I will not talk to often. Thanks for listening.
This is really brave of you talk about this publicly since a lot of people have opinions and explaining this will and is helping people understand. Thanks for the video :))
did anyone else get distracted by that single line of light that kept going across shelby's face or just me? also I knew that asexuality is an umbrella term that covers so many different kinds of asexuality but I didnt know what they were and hadnt looked into it so I think its amazing that you are helping to educate more people about it including myself. 💛💛💛
came back to this video today. i actually hadn't watched it the whole way through the first time, because i was crying. this video helped me so much a year or so ago when i first found it, and has helped me really embrace being ace to a whole new level. thanks
I was so uneducated and for that I am so sorry but I didn't let my ignorance change how I think of Shelby.She will forever be one of my favorite youtubers. Thank you for always bring a smile on my face.😁😁😁
Just wanna say thank you for making these kinds of videos Shelby!! You first coming out as asexual opened me up to the spectrum of asexuality made me realize that I’m asexual as well. It’s still kinda new and fresh and I’m learning more and more everyday, but thanks to you I feel more comfortable with myself now and am grateful for that!! Thank you Shelby for informing others about asexuality! ☺️
i realized mid last year i was ace and i really didn’t have any people to look up to or just other people that are ace so it’s really comforting to know one of my fave creators is!! i’m still not super comfortable with my sexuality but it does make me feel better there are other people like me out there. thank you shubble for sharing! :))
You’re incredibly well-spoken and I love seeing more people talk about what it means to be ace. There are so many misconceptions. I didn’t even know I was ace in my first relationship (about 16 years old), he didn’t know either. Everything was “normal”, romantically and sexually in our relationship. It was only after we broke up, that I realized I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone else. Speaking just for myself, there really needs to be some sort of connection there, and without it, I border on being repulsed. Which is why it’s so important to keep an open mind with people who identify as ace, because everyone is so ✨ unique ✨!
I'm Ace and your my favorite RUclipsr/streamer! This makes me feel really happy how I can relate in a way! I've felt like there was things wrong with me and people always assumed and didn't "like me". But you changed my point of view on how to veiw my self. Luv ya Shelby
You are one of the strongest and kindest person. I wanted to say thank you for being you. You're video's have helped me through dark times and you always help me to smile, so thank you.
I was introduced to your content through the Crew and I just recently started to look at the second channel and I love this video. I’m a demisexual and for the longest time it was hard for me to describe as anything other than “broken”. It’s still hard for me to describe how I feel in a way that my friends don’t just view as straight. It’s not like I have to make them understand that it’s different for us to be friends, more so just that it’s lonely to not know people who get it. So thanks! Love the video!
I actually realised im ace as a result of the Anthony Padilla video and so this past year has been quite a ride but coming back and seeing you do so well and finally being able to understand and accept who I am has been really great, I cannot thank you enough for being brave enough to be you because you have no idea how much that has helped me.
She is so good at speaking about this kinda stuff. She has a couple other videos and moments on streams where she talks about similar stuff you should check those out if u wanna know more.
some people are genuinely disgusted by sex and sex acts so for some the extreme label fits, but i've just learned sex-averse is the alternative for those who don't have any interest in it but aren't "repulsed"
Yeah sex repulsion is definitely a thing in the ace community (I personally am very much sex repulsed), so it is a relatively good 'ending point' to this kind of spectrum, but things like sex neutral and sex averse are good for a larger amount people who just tend more towards disliking it/not wanting to partake in it
I've seen you in some others streamer's videos as of late and became curious about asexuality when I heard you speak about it. All I previously knew about asexuality came from "Bojack Horseman", not a great source but before that I didn't even know asexuality existed so better than nothing. So thank you for explaining and talking about it as I feel much more knowledgeable about the subject.
I’m coming back to this comment because I’ve finally figured something out. I thought I was bisexual but I could only ever picture myself in my life with a woman. When u mention Aromatic I was wondering abt romantics so I did some research and now Ik what I identify as 💝
I just want say thank you for being so open because there are a lot of people where it’s really hard to be that open! Also never forget we love you! You are a support system for a lot of people and we ❤️ you
I was so glad to see this video in my recommendations on yt. I love hearing more from our ace queen Shelby. Makes me happy to see some ace representation for my sake as well as other aces out there.
i’m so glad you also spoke about demisexuality as well! people always ignore it or try to make fun of it, and it hurts so much to be shut down by people that don’t completely understand it.
@shelby Grace You just made me deep-dive on what it means to be Aromantic, and suddenly a whoooooole bunch of stuff about my life makes way too much sense. Thanks homie. Never had a way to define it before. I'm off to read more. Cheers
SHELBY!!! This video makes me so happy! AAAAA I can’t even put it in to words. I can relate to so much of what you said. Seeing you so open and comfortable with yourself has helped me be more comfortable with myself. 🖤🤍💜
some additional notes!
the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire: best way i can explain the difference is sexual attraction is relating to someone or some people. sexual desire is relating to the act itself. so you can have no attraction to a person and still want to have sex for whatever reason be it you like the feeling, you like the person and it's something you want to share with them, or whatever! asexuals having casual sex is a thing as well! but still no one's business!
the difference between romantic and sexual attraction: romantic attraction relates to who you're interested in pursuing romantically, i.e dating, love, beyond platonic relationships. sexual attraction relates to who you're interested in pursuing sexually (by some sort of natural force, because you can pursue someone sexually without being sexually attracted to them). for many aces, sexual pursuits don't come naturally, but are still of interest!
i also hope it didn't come too late in the video that all asexuals are valid! and not just ones that are still open to sex, because i would never want to enforce that idea. i just hope for more accurate information on the whole spectrum!
i encourage you to read through the comments and check out all the questions and answers!
Thanks didnt understand
Edit: while watching this vid you edited 2 times paragraph 3 and 4
I literally just posted a question about this! Silly I took so long to type it lol
also if you were meaning to pin this comment you didn't, but if you didn't want to thats ok
That's cool I don't judge. I'm an open book.
this helped me understand asexuality so much. thank you for teaching me.
“i am not repulsed... and i am uncomfortable” lmao mood
me when people think i am hating on sexual things or people wanting sex just cause i'm ace.
That's so meeee hahaha
same
I dont get it
@@cat8308 some people are not extremely repulsed by sex, but they are uncomfortable with it.
ok but we can’t ignore how pretty Shelby is-
agreed
She is so pretty
absolutely agree
woah!I got a heart from the queen herself!
actually tho
Also, there’s people who say asexuals and aromatics aren’t apart if the LGBT+ community, that is completely false. The A in LGBTQIA+ community stands for Asexual, Aromatic along with Agender, we are still apart of it.
absolutely we are!
Considering I have friends that have accepted people as gay, trans and such but still try talk me into dating people (I’m aromantic and asexual). How is a simple not want to be in a relationship so hard to accept?
I think for sure it is part of the LGBT+ community.
It also stands for Allies, so the A stands for many things in the LGBT+
Life it doesn’t actually stand for ally, as they aren’t technically part of the community, they’re just supporting it :)
@@lifear9288 well not technically since most people disagree with that idea. Allies are just people who support the lgbtq+ and it feels weird to try to make it seem like they are apart of it.
While I'm heterosexual, I willingly got into a relationship with my girlfriend knowing she identified as a heteroromantic asexual, having no desire for any of that at all. After a while, she realised she was actually demisexual, developing those feelings for me, which means it works out great for both of us I guess, because of course I'm attracted to her too, but either way I was happy to be with her, because I love her, and sex really is just not the most important thing at all in my opinion, even if it's something I would personally desire. I actually have been quite interested in the asexuality spectrum for a while, I think it's all fascinating! I feel I'm proudly very much an ally to all of you! You're all completely valid and real, of course!!
it's nice to know there are so many open people out there! and for some, not having those things wouldn't work for them, and that's valid too, but you really open yourself up to so many more experiences if you give people chances!
We need more people like you! It makes me happy to see good people like you
Where do I find people like this??? Like all humans should act like this towards anyone in the Lgbtq
@@celesteriggs1217 Agreed! All humans should act like this towards anyone period.
@@PandaLuluBear It needs to happen
As an asexual it gives me serotonin when I see another person that is also asexual. Makes it feel less lonely.
Same lmao.
Yesss! Me too.
This makes me so happy because I’m also Ace and seeing one of my favorite RUclipsrs talking about it makes me so happy
I know I am an ace too
same!! im ace too
Same
me too!!
yeah, me too
I feel like not many people know just how much gray area there is in any LGBTQIA+ label. There is a lot of complicated information that I want to educate myself about, and that I hope everyone is able to learn eventually.
The Q, people use queer as an umbrella term for anyone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community if you dont want labels, fit under multiple labels, or don't know what they fit under
I wish people would stop lumping all these different groups under one umbrella, especially for activism and political things. As you said there's a whole lot of gray area, with a lot of different people, who have a lot of different priorities.
It is very true that a lot of people confuse the prefixes '-sexual' and '-romantic' when it comes to those terms. Thanks for breaking it down!
Suffixes
@@yourmom6404 Chris Evans yes you is good like you time out now on my life just me and back and look out now that Friday night and night
I usually don't have time to watch your stream, sadly, but I'm glad you talked about it on the video and we love you for who you are!! 💛
I literally haven’t even seen the video yet but as an ace gal who has been struggling lately, I already appreciate it. just having someone in the ace community talk about it makes me so happy. thank you shub!!! 💜🤍🖤
this is actually the first time I’m hearing there’s a difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire and its clearing up my head when it comes to being able to figure out and contextualize how I feel because I’ve felt a certain ‘ooOOoo’ way about people and its made me hesitate about using the asexual label but I've known there’s something different there so I really appreciate this thanks for giving valuable insight !!
Yassss i know the 'ooOOoo' way
i’m losing it over “oh some people... i wanna say they got the spirit but they, they don’t even got that”
i really appreciate the WAY that shelby speaks about asexuality. she understands that there are so many different places people can land on the spectrum and she makes sure to emphasize the validity of each and every identity. i also appreciate her point about how while there is representation of asexuality in media, it's mostly of the same trope of asexuality. this causes a generalization to be made by those who see those characters and it's kind of harmful, unfortunately. but thank you shelby, for making this video and also just being so openly proud to be asexual. from a fellow ace, i appreciate you so much !
I'm demi and for the LONGEST time I just thought I was broken. I couldn't relate to a lot of girl talk, the idea of dating a complete stranger is terrifying and near-repulsive to me. And when I realized I might be demi, someone told me "no you're not, you like kpop guys" so I kind of just went back into my shell of "guess I'm just broken." I now realize he made some of the same assumptions that you mentioned.
Anyway, thank you for being willing to talk about this! We're not broken, we're just different and that is valid, and how we get on is nobody's business but involved parties. ❤
My mom literally thought that everyone needed to get to know someone before they were attracted- it was the funniest thing to tell her the truth.
I''d literally gag thinking of hooking up with a random.
Honestly Shelby has such a big voice throughout social media and I love how she’s educating people on these things.
It honestly helps so much to have such good representation on the ace spectrum like Shelby to help people who may be confused about themselves to come to terms with who they are ❤️
Shelby being herself and talking about her self happily just makes me happy and I keep doing a little happy dance 💃🏻
Me too!
I’m early because I was stalking. Like I was physically STARING at your three channels and waiting for you to post something lol. Thank you for sharing and explaining asexuality!!!
I honestly love how confident Shelby is while discussing asexuality because it can be hard to talk about these types of conversations on the internet. This also helped me figure out my sexuality more. Thank you!
as someone who didn’t quite fit the stereotype, you talking about these things really helped me with my self discovery! it’s taken me about a year to be where i am now since learning about the ace spectrum, and it’s thanks to this community i can say i’m confident with my identity. so thanks for that :)
This is my favorite comfort video.
I realised I was ace a couple years ago and have watched Shelby for even longer, and when I watched this video for the first time I cried. Her answers to the questions are absolutely perfect while not sounding forced. She sounds so confident and genuine talking about this like it's a totally normal QNA (because it is and should be considered a normal topic rather than something to be scared of talking about!) This isn't even mentioning how the aesthetic of this video is so comforting and warm feeling with the clean colors of the plants and wall, the sunlight streaming through the window, the books, the chill and happy music, and ofc Shelby's beautiful voice that sounds so kind and accepting. A lot of the things talked about in the video are really relatable with how people seem to judge me when they find out I'm ace and make so many assumptions about me. Even if they have good intentions people really like to get in others businesses by asking some pretty pushy questions, and also try to defend us when they often dont really understand what it means ("I wanna say they've got the spirit but they don't even have that"). This video makes me feel like I'm not wrong for being asexual or for feeling kind of uncomfortable with how some people try to defend us in very aggressive ways rather than in educational ones. It makes me hopeful for my future seeing someone talk about asexuality like it's a normal thing, and even more so because it's coming from someone who I already looked up to, so yeah. I really appreciate this video and how it gave such genuine relatable and informative answers to these really important questions.
If you happen to read this, thank you Shelby for educating people in such a kind way and for making a video that makes me feel less like an outsider
thank you for educating us on asexuality and just being open to discuss this topic❤
As an asexual myself this helps and is really inspirational, and since the first time i saw this (1 year ago) i figured out that i was ace
I really appreciate you talking about this, Shelby. Apparently you have a lot of ace viewers, heh, not including me, but you've seemed to help them all so much. Thank you for being you. So goddamn much.
Your interview with Anthony Padilla provided me with so much clarity in how I felt. I also thought something was wrong and I just acted how I thought I was suppose to act. I still haven't told a lot of my friends, but I've spoken with my mother about it. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I owe you a thanks for that.
i figured out im ace a little while ago so seeing a RUclipsr I’ve been following for a really long time speak about it makes me so happy 😊💜
Same here
I did not know what asexual meant at the beginning, but when I watched Shelby talking abt it on stream, I learnt so much that I didn’t know, even leading to me to coming out.
As an ace the amount of serotonin I’m getting from a youtuber a loved watching when I was younger is just-
i don’t know if anyone will see this but i would like to note!! from what i’ve heard, aromantics sometimes DATE! i’m not personally aro but i’ve seen people discuss it. it works similar to how aces can be intimate with a person. while aros don’t feel the attraction, they may like the act of holding hands or kissing and stuff :)) but this is based on other people’s experiences
yep! romantic and sexual orientations are only about what attraction you feel or don't feel, what people decide to do for any other reasons they may have is up to them. there's also a term QPR, or queerplatonic relationship, that might fit relationships without romance like that (i'd recommend looking it up to get a better explanation haha). and i've seen the term alterous attraction too, which i really like, it's a word for other types of attraction that don't quite fall into typical categories like romantic, sexual, or platonic (correct me if i'm wrong here, there're definitely much better explanations of this too if you want to look it up) :)
i’ll go forward letting people know this!!
as a fellow asexual this is wonderful
topics like sexuality and sex were considered taboo for a long time, is no wonder why people are not educated on it. However, it’s because of people like Shelby that educated and normalize talking about these important issues. Amazing 💛
as someone who didn't realize they were ace until watching your video with Anthony Padilla last year, thank you for spreading ace awareness! if it weren't for you, i'd probably still be feeling... incomplete? broken? something along those lines, and generally uncomfortable with myself. now that i know that i'm whole, and valid, and NOT broken, my sexuality is no longer one of my many life stressors, so thank you again, shelby
cool video! i hope me correcting a few bits of misinformation isn't taken as a "fuck you" or anything, I'm genuinely really glad you made this video and it's going to help a lot of people, there's just a few things I noticed.
"aromantics dont date and don't seek out romantic relationships": some aromantics DO date in the same way that some asexuals have sex! Even though there's no attraction, the desire may still be there! of course it's a spectrum just like asexuality, some aromantics want no part in romance and some are in/desire romantic relationships!
"the terms for the spectrum of sexual desire are sex positive, sex neutral, and sex negative": the terms 'sex positive' and 'sex negative' specifically refer to people's stances on consent, sex education, freely available condoms/contraceptives, BDSM, et cetera. the terms that (most) ace people usually use are sex favorable, sex neutral/indifferent, and sex repulsed/averse. so you can be sex repulsed AND sex positive! like me! :) if you don't like the word repulsed, then averse is a great alternative.
good information here! thanks for sharing
I’ve always struggled with my sexuality. I have always known that I was openly attracted sexually & romantically to both women & men. I went through phases of labeling it different things & then not labeling it at all. People always thought I was just going through a “phase” because I “couldn’t make up my mind”. Talk about feeling lost! I also always thought something was wrong with me because I have very little sexual desire. I always chalked it up to my past childhood trauma & PTSD, but just watching your video helped so much just as a person struggling to figure out who they are. No matter who/what anyone chooses to identify as, we are all valid. & it means so much to me that your message not only reaches the ace community & those who are curious about it, but it reaches so many others struggling to find their place in the world. You have a beautiful soul Shelby. Thank you for being a light in this world♥️
im so happy you are willing to go out and talk about your sexuality publicly and share your experiences. you said you were in the spectrum of grey asexual, do you ever have people saying youre claiming to be asexual for attention since you said you fall under the category of might wanting to have sex if you are 1000% comfortably with that person. and if you do, how do you deal with that? also very excited too see more sit down and talk videos on this channel
i actually haven't ever had anyone claim i was doing it for attention! at least within my community, everyone is very understanding and accepting, and i think we all understand, no one would claim to be asexual for attention, because much of the time, the attention we get is unpleasant and unwanted. but some will say hetero-romantic asexuals are just straight people looking for attention, and that is just not true!
bruh who is saying that
If a person would try to hurt somebody like that I would lose faith in human kind
@@shelbygracesI haven’t had anyone tell me that either, but mostly because I don’t really phrase is as asexual, I kinda just say im not really into it and I only usually talk about it to close friends. It’s kinda hard for me to label it as asexual because of all the dumb questions im afraid people will ask me. I feel like every ace gets harassed if not irl then online just for being insignificantly different.
This honestly was such a nice video to see pop up on my feed. Last year I realized I was demi and oo boy has it been a rollercoaster. Mainly because I have found that because I am a straight cis white dude in his 20s not only do the I get invalidated by those who are just ignorant about the topic, I have also seen that due to asexuality being grouped in with LGBT+ I have had major push back from those inside that community as well. It led me to really stop labeling myself as demi just to appease it all. I do still use the term to describe myself but have felt wishywashy about it. But seeing people like you (someone who isn't on the more extreme ends) talk about it really does help validate my feelings. Especially with a topic that is such a spectrum, hearing you talk about it and going into the nuance of it has really helped me even understand myself more. Thank you so much for all that you do. : )
Got to love how accurate close captions are, it gave me a good laugh at the start when I read "Hello I'm Shovel and welcome to my second channel."
this makes me so happy. i am so glad that you are open about this because i am asexual and I think it is so nice to have a creator who i can look up to and relate to. thank you so much for being yourself :)))
I have been trying to figure out my gender/sexuality and I have also been using the word "broken" especially since my family won't be accepting when I tell them, but you talking about it and being honest has been such a big help for me. You and your community are one of the reasons I am still here today. Thank you for everything.❤
38 seconds whoa I'm early but when I found out Shelby was ace I was happy cuz I'm ace too and I always really liked her videos.
This video could be called Shelby flexing her aesthetic shelf
i’m so glad you made this video🥺 it really helps
Wowza, from watching you back in the good ol’ Sky Media days all the way until now, it really feels like you’ve changed. In a positive way, I mean. Like you seem not only more mature but really proud to be who you are. While your voice is as squeaky and adorable as ever, you sound really confident and determined, it’s the kind of voice that fills someone with hope and gracefulness. Thank you for being such a nice person! Your kind spirit and amazing demeanor make you a shining light needed in this world. Keep at it, you rock this world!
I read a book recently called The Sound of Stars that had a really great portrayal of an Ace character who falls more in that gray area if anyone’s interested. It’s also just a really good sci-fi dystopia book anyways.
i'll have to check that out!
Yess! I know I'm late but I'm ace too and it's really hard to find good ace representation, so I'm definitely going to read that now thank you very much. (It also makes me really happy to see an ace youtuber whose videos I love!) :D
I learned so much from this video about asexuality and how it’s all a spectrum. I also related to the fact that people will automatically make assumptions about you since I’m bi and it can be super frustrating trying to move past those when talking to people.
PERIOD SHELBY QUEEN IM SO READY🤚🏻
When you mentioned demisexuality, that made me smile, and that you nailed it on the head with the description!
I never comment on videos but this video is so important for information. I've always felt "broken" not like other guys my age or anything. People would make remarks about women and I wouldn't partake in the conversation because I didn't see women the same way they did (I work in construction with only males) and they would all call me gay. I knew I wasn't but couldn't quite find the way to explain to them what it was. So a couple years ago I Google if I had low testosterone because of the ways I felt. Nothing came up about asexualitaly. I saw that video of Anthony's with you in it when it came out and it really clicked for me. Not realizing that you were in that video since I found your channel a few weeks ago. Love all your content BTW. Since Anthony's video I've really been looking into the whole asexualitaly. With research about it I have learned I'm ace! Thank you for all the exposure because it has helped me find out who I am and how to be comfortable with myself. Without you and Anthony I'd probably still think something is wrong with me. Thank you for everything Shelby! 🖤🤍💜
After listening to you made me understand what I am! And now I now I’m not different I’m just asexual! Thanks Shelby ❤
hey shelby! i just want you to know how much i appreciate you and how much happiness you bring me
seeing someone i looked up to as a kid be positive representation for me and other ace people is just so cool
I loved this video!! I never took time out to actually research asexuality, and I did not realize how much I had just assumed about it. Thank you so much for making this!!
Side note:
Can we get a book tour? Like some of those books (on the bookshelf) be looking mighty fine if I do say so myself
As an ace trying to find my place on the spectrum, I appreciate this video so much! 🥺💞 It's so hard when people make assumptions before even letting me explain how my mind works and what my preferences are.
I DIDNT KNOW SHUBBLE WAS ASEXUAL IM AROMANTIC THIS IS SO COOL
I might actually cry oh my god
I've been watching you for YEARS and have always admired and loved everything you do....so to find out a year after that I had come out as ace that you were ace too...I literally almost cried like I was so happy. I'm super proud of you!! Keep being your amazing beautiful self!!!
You don’t know how much this means to me Shelby. I am also asexual and hearing someone around my age talking about it makes me so happy and feel so understood. I also used to think I was broken and I would look up how to “fix” myself. I’m glad that now I have also realized being asexual isn’t something that’s wrong with me. Thank you for coming out and talking about this
My best friend came out to me as ace and this realllyyyy helped me further understand, I sorta understood from ur interview but this helped a lot :)
I had no idea you were ace too!! I’ve been out as ace for a while and it’s awesome to find out that a content creator I enjoy watching so much is like me!
I figured out I was ace from watching the Anthony Padilla video that you were in! I related a lot to what you said in that video and this one! Thank you so much for making these! 💜🤍🖤
i'm so happy you made this video to further help everyone understand asexuality, when you came out to the internet i had never heard of that term before. you unknowingly helped me discover it and helped me, as well as many others i'm sure, try and figure out who i am, and while i'm still struggling a bit i am so thankful to you and how happy you are to talk out about it. you're helping so many people shelby :)
The way she explained how she knew is really good compared to a lot of people because some people would just say I just knew and I get that might have been true for them but that didn’t quite help me to figure out myself but u really helped me thank u
Shelby, I hope you know that your journey into this brave, confident woman has been an inspiration for people from all walks of life, and we’re all proud of you! Keep it up and never stop living your truth.
I am so happy that this video exists. I've followed you for a long time and have identified with the asexual definition ever since I was 14. This video can be so helpful for people that are questioning or looking to know about asexuality. Thank you for representing us Shelby you're amazing :)
Thank you so much for speaking on this Shubble!! I found you through Ze’s Among Us videos and immediately loved your bright and bubbly personality! I was even more pleasantly surprised to find out you’re heteroromantic ace, like me! I don’t personally know anyone IRL nor see many figures online in the same boat, so it’s just an amazing feeling to see. Thank you for being so open, well-spoken, and validating. Wishing you all the best!
Hey Shubble! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the video!!! I've been struggling for a few years on how I felt about stuff, and you're video helped so much! It helped me realize that I'm Ace!
I am pansexual, asexual and demisexual.
I like everyone, feel no sexual attraction and will only like people I have a bond with.
I can't walk out in the street and see someone and be like, OMG I WANT TO DATE THEM! I don't even know how that person acts.
I find the thought of sex disgusting and I never want to have it.
I find everyone attractive but lean more towards girls so a lot of people confuse me with being lesbian. I will usually just say that I'm a lesbian because I don't wanna take 20 minutes explaining my sexualities to someone I will not talk to often.
Thanks for listening.
it sounds more like panromantic and demiromatic if you say you don't want to have sex with anyone??
This is really brave of you talk about this publicly since a lot of people have opinions and explaining this will and is helping people understand. Thanks for the video :))
did anyone else get distracted by that single line of light that kept going across shelby's face or just me? also I knew that asexuality is an umbrella term that covers so many different kinds of asexuality but I didnt know what they were and hadnt looked into it so I think its amazing that you are helping to educate more people about it including myself. 💛💛💛
came back to this video today. i actually hadn't watched it the whole way through the first time, because i was crying. this video helped me so much a year or so ago when i first found it, and has helped me really embrace being ace to a whole new level. thanks
♥️♥️♥️♥️YAY YOU POSTED ON THIS!!! thank you so much for helping educate us more :)))
i realized that i forgot to add “channel” on end of the first sentence 😂 oooops
I was so uneducated and for that I am so sorry but I didn't let my ignorance change how I think of Shelby.She will forever be one of my favorite youtubers. Thank you for always bring a smile on my face.😁😁😁
Wait I’m sorry this isnt even the slightest bit related but her handwriting in that notebook looked absolutely perfect! How? I’m jealous lol
I love that style of handwriting!!
Just wanna say thank you for making these kinds of videos Shelby!! You first coming out as asexual opened me up to the spectrum of asexuality made me realize that I’m asexual as well. It’s still kinda new and fresh and I’m learning more and more everyday, but thanks to you I feel more comfortable with myself now and am grateful for that!! Thank you Shelby for informing others about asexuality! ☺️
i realized mid last year i was ace and i really didn’t have any people to look up to or just other people that are ace so it’s really comforting to know one of my fave creators is!! i’m still not super comfortable with my sexuality but it does make me feel better there are other people like me out there. thank you shubble for sharing! :))
You’re incredibly well-spoken and I love seeing more people talk about what it means to be ace. There are so many misconceptions. I didn’t even know I was ace in my first relationship (about 16 years old), he didn’t know either. Everything was “normal”, romantically and sexually in our relationship. It was only after we broke up, that I realized I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone else. Speaking just for myself, there really needs to be some sort of connection there, and without it, I border on being repulsed. Which is why it’s so important to keep an open mind with people who identify as ace, because everyone is so ✨ unique ✨!
Right! I am tired of hearing people be told that they can't do things because they are ace!! That is their choice not anybody elses ugh
I already know about asexuality but I love this girl to much 💕 Proud of u Shelby!!
I'm Ace and your my favorite RUclipsr/streamer! This makes me feel really happy how I can relate in a way! I've felt like there was things wrong with me and people always assumed and didn't "like me". But you changed my point of view on how to veiw my self. Luv ya Shelby
You are one of the strongest and kindest person. I wanted to say thank you for being you. You're video's have helped me through dark times and you always help me to smile, so thank you.
As someone who’s sexuality is a mess, I can say that this helped a lot
I was introduced to your content through the Crew and I just recently started to look at the second channel and I love this video. I’m a demisexual and for the longest time it was hard for me to describe as anything other than “broken”. It’s still hard for me to describe how I feel in a way that my friends don’t just view as straight. It’s not like I have to make them understand that it’s different for us to be friends, more so just that it’s lonely to not know people who get it. So thanks! Love the video!
I actually realised im ace as a result of the Anthony Padilla video and so this past year has been quite a ride but coming back and seeing you do so well and finally being able to understand and accept who I am has been really great, I cannot thank you enough for being brave enough to be you because you have no idea how much that has helped me.
also you're the best for making this and I really hope you know that♥️
wait. i recognize you...
@@sandpiper_ Yea, same...
I remember being so happy when I saw your interview with Anthony and felt so happy knowing one of my favorite RUclipsrs felt the same way I did
OMG I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING AROMATIC NOT A ROMANTIC and I’m like girl what do spices have to do with this 😂
I just recently "discovered" you through the crew pixelmon smp server. As an aroace it's awesome to see other aces, and helps me feel valid.
As someone who is very confused with my sexuality this kinda helped me figure out how and what I am feeling...
She is so good at speaking about this kinda stuff. She has a couple other videos and moments on streams where she talks about similar stuff you should check those out if u wanna know more.
"Repulse" _does_ sound rather extreme c'x
some people are genuinely disgusted by sex and sex acts so for some the extreme label fits, but i've just learned sex-averse is the alternative for those who don't have any interest in it but aren't "repulsed"
@@shelbygraces Huh, alright. Thanks!
Yeah sex repulsion is definitely a thing in the ace community (I personally am very much sex repulsed), so it is a relatively good 'ending point' to this kind of spectrum, but things like sex neutral and sex averse are good for a larger amount people who just tend more towards disliking it/not wanting to partake in it
@@shelbygraces Yooo! I saw you see that! that is so cool
i saw this and it made me so happy, i’m glad you feel comfortable enough to talk to u about this!
Right?
The twilight books in the background are just so sleek and adorable
I've seen you in some others streamer's videos as of late and became curious about asexuality when I heard you speak about it. All I previously knew about asexuality came from "Bojack Horseman", not a great source but before that I didn't even know asexuality existed so better than nothing. So thank you for explaining and talking about it as I feel much more knowledgeable about the subject.
thanks for this- i didn’t know much about asexuality before this but this really helped me to understand
Ive actually been pretty curious so thanks for explaining!
I’m coming back to this comment because I’ve finally figured something out. I thought I was bisexual but I could only ever picture myself in my life with a woman. When u mention Aromatic I was wondering abt romantics so I did some research and now Ik what I identify as 💝
I just want say thank you for being so open because there are a lot of people where it’s really hard to be that open! Also never forget we love you! You are a support system for a lot of people and we ❤️ you
I was so glad to see this video in my recommendations on yt. I love hearing more from our ace queen Shelby. Makes me happy to see some ace representation for my sake as well as other aces out there.
i’m so glad you also spoke about demisexuality as well! people always ignore it or try to make fun of it, and it hurts so much to be shut down by people that don’t completely understand it.
this is very very cool im glad youre educating people on these things it really helps people!
@shelby Grace
You just made me deep-dive on what it means to be Aromantic, and suddenly a whoooooole bunch of stuff about my life makes way too much sense. Thanks homie. Never had a way to define it before. I'm off to read more. Cheers
Didn't realize there were many branches!!! Really helped me out Shubs thank you....
SHELBY!!! This video makes me so happy! AAAAA I can’t even put it in to words. I can relate to so much of what you said. Seeing you so open and comfortable with yourself has helped me be more comfortable with myself. 🖤🤍💜