Jordan Peterson - Make YOUR RELATIONSHIPS last FOREVER by DOING THIS
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- Опубликовано: 14 ноя 2024
- Healthy relationships treat arguments as a time to communicate their feelings. But some couples treat arguments as a time to attack their partner which Dr. Peterson says isn't right. So here he discusses the right way to argue with your partner to make sure you guys last a lifetime.
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This works really well, unless you have a partner that takes offense to your feelings and automatically gets defensive when you bring your feelings to them.
I live what u wrote every single day i love her to the point her smile means everything to me and just by seeing her smile to the point that all work and life stress would just disappear but still everytime i express my feelings she gets extremly defensive to the point she gets to offensive and disrespectfull towards me
@@yousefalkanderi8620 then she truly doesn't respect you. She should take your feelings/emotions into consideration, not attack them. Unless it's in how/when you choose to express them. Maybe try experimenting with different ways you voice your feelings and see if she reacts differently.
You must know my wife.
You spoke 100% Facts! Women beg you to tell them what you're feeling then twists it all up to claim you're attacking them with your words smfh it's detrimental for a man's mental health to Express anything other than love and happiness or else say bye bye to peace of mind, thats just mental abuse
Great! That's my wife smh.
To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
Thank you 😊
I can now go on one more day
Very kewl choice of words and knowledge 😉🤜🤛
TY
Yes, in the middle of it right now, I personally thank you for putting this out there I certainly needed this so Thank you GOD bless you 🙏 😊 ❤ 🙌
Jordan Peterson is the reason I was able to walk away from a 17 year toxic marriage. I was married to a narcissistic person that was badly damaged before we met she hid her damaged past years went on we got married and had kids the mental abuse started off small just nit picking and eventually became a daily routine where no one could do anything right I knew she was sick and had issues but I prayed that things would get better they never did i loved her deeply and I still do I wanted nothing more then my life to get back to how it was . it took many many years of abuse and listening to Jordan’s Peter Pan theory on repeat for months for me to realize the life I was living was nothing more then a bad fairytale and it was never going to change and the mental abuse had killed the person I used to be .
I finally walked away and I’m now living my dreams traveling building haunted houses, 100 % self employed and HAPPY !!
Hey good for you man. Building haunted houses sounds like a better alternative :)
But, it didn't enable you to fix the relationship?
Some relationships can’t be fixed.
@@andreamachacova4352 I am beginning to think that no relationships can really be fixed, and the ones that don't fail completely just have some type of band aid solution in place. They're just stitched together.
You’re HAPPY? I wonder how your kids feel.
This actually works me and my hubby really hated that we said such mean things to each other when we are pissed and feel bad about it later so we started to speak to eachother the way you are suggesting letting each other know how we feel about certain situations instead of HOPING THEY CAN READ OUR MINDS we talk about what's bothering us
My wife and I started a really silly thing. Think of it as a safe sex code, but for anger instead of copulation. Whenever either of us said something hurtful or mean and switched into unconscious mode then the other would say "potato". We both agreed that partners should empower each other, not tear them down. So "potato" was the reminder that you're tearing me down, not building me up.
@@davidkramer194 What even drove y'all to fight eachtother? That's what I would love to know.
Nobody can read minds, it's stupid to think of that to begin with, but so many people do that mistake.
@@mitchellblackburn5664 not a physical fight lol. Just yelling at each other. It's always the same thing. One person feels they are giving more than the other. That the other person isn't trying enough.
@@davidkramer194 tell me why y'all dwell on who's putting more effort than who?
I am so glad that my fiancé is a very good communicator and understanding and very empathetic. I am finally being treated the way I want to be and all the efforts I am giving are being reciprocated properly. We are already doing these things and we just have little arguments to enlighten each other but never had a fight. We both know how to be silent when the other one is explaining. 🥰🥰🥰 This really works!
Too early, let us know after 5 years married.
@@4homemail Absolutely! 🥰 I hope and pray that you have some positivity in your life. This world is already a mess but it does not mean that you should believe that its impossible to have such a good & healthy relationship (even if it's too early). It's about the maturity in handling things in the relationship. ❤ Anyway, you don't know me and my fiancé so I will just let you be. 🥰 Thanks and God bless you.
@@nutsandnoteworthy I have been married for 22 years and going strong. But arguments are part of our marriage. I am just saying that is just part of the package. Best wishes for all couples out there. I never want any bad thing to happen to any one.
@@4homemail Reynalyn mentioned that she has arguments too, just not explosive ones. I hope that you, someone who surely has sufficient empathy as reflected by your going strong through 22 years of married life, can realise that not all couples are the same. Some simply don't have explosive fights (what you seem to mean by "arguments").
All Reynalyn wanted was to share her gratitude & peace of mind in her relationship. She wants to share joy & positivity, which is 1 of the things in life that are magnified when shared. She also shared the way they reciprocally treat each other with patience & respect. I'm sure that serves as constructive feedback to those out there with excessive conflict, or has an argumentative nature.
I hope you can see how doubtful, sceptical & unwarranted your comment "too early let us know after 5 years married" sounds. I'm sure you'd never want someone older to speak condescendingly, "too early let us know in 10 years".
All the best to everyone who reads this.
@@kenf6831 I am willing to try ‘let me know after 30 years’ no problem. With today society it is a celebration every 10 years.
The best relationship/partnership is one where both individuals create space for the other to be themselves...and one where you can fully express your wants and needs without resistance. If you really love that person, even if its something YOU wouldn't do or like, showing up for them in the way they need you to will surely improve the quality of your bond. It gets better from there...and respect goes a very long way. Hope this helped someone.
the problem is the reasons that we choose the ones we decide to be with are sometimes not that great of reasons, and we really dont even like the people. so as you start to pull back the layers and truly get to know the other person, you realize you were in love with the person you created in your head, not the actual individual.
@@C_The_Guy Preach Sir/Madam!!!
If you need space from your partner to be yourself. You should’ve stayed single.
Ty makes more sense now then ever !
It helped me … Ty ! ❤️
I've been married for 31 years! Nothing is easy in life, think about it. There are times you can't stand yourself! So you will have fights but be kind! And remember to think about what it must be like to be the other person. Talk to each other! Tell her or him how much you love being with them! Make their day whenever possible! And you'll wake up happy and live a blessed life with another person. Eventually you become one soul! Love each other!
i love your message..thank you for writing it…i just took your advice and let the person i am with know that i love being with them ..thank you..
Why even be married? That’s a problem you bring on yourself.
@@txmade4371 Because human beings were literally made for cohabitation within the confines of monogamy by the transcendent. Full stop.
easier said than done when you in the throws of emotional and verbal beatdown/
Facts
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is Father Akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked Father Akunna online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
Imagine a relationship where both people could be humble and mature enough to share with their partner what they want and need. To then express how they feel when the need isn't met and to ask if their partner truly understands what they're wanting, needing, or how it feels when that need isn't met? Imagine the partner confiding can turn to a partner that can also be humble enough to communicate and work to understand their partners needs and show effort to actually meet those needs. Maybe both could look at where the disconnect might be and mutually work to remove it. Imagine not have so little respect for someone else or for yourself that either side would call the person stupid.. maybe dont marry a person who would act like this... hhmmm, thats just crazy talk..
Agree, we shouldn't ever call people stupid, it is in the Bible, but unfortunately not everyone acts in the way we would, the way we would expect them to and is not willing to change. It all depends on the other person. Unfortunately, many people end up marrying the wrong person for a variety of reasons but some due to a bad upbringing who are vulnerable people and often end up marrying the worst kind of person who is a Narcissist who is a person you never can please.
I hope you find a partner that is like that. I’ve found mine and it’s the best thing in the world.
@@JustSmile301 I am not looking for one now as either I don't meet anyone or the wrong person comes along. I have accepted it is not going to happen for me.
Yes. It takes putting our ego aside and really hearing the other person
@@LiveWelll Very true what you say & listening to the other person is very, very important. But for some people this comes naturally putting the other person first. This happens because of our human temperament & character & because we want to be a better person. Ethics, morals, learning from our mistakes, open to change & having Spiritual values & a believe in a Christian God makes we want to improve for the better. Being sorry comes easy for me. Obviously this is applying to someone who treats you with respect and loves you and is not just wanting their own way all the time and just using you & taking advantage of your kindness & caring & not abusing & controlling you.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Imagine being self aware enough to understand that what Jordan is saying about not just our partner, but ourselves is wholly true. There's nothing wrong with having the feelings that we do, but that goes both ways. You didn't marry yourself, so don't expect your decisions and behaviors to be the reaction from others.
Imagine if Peterson could admit this connects to him also. He might really be able to help people face the coming challenges rather than assist their delusions that if things were just as they were supposed to be, everything would be a picnic.
For some of us- it’s more than an imaginative idea to be this self aware…
@@rrace002 Confirmation bias is not your friend, and it isn’t for you to say how self aware you are, that sounds more like a projection of your unawareness.
Understanding that I grew up with parents who punished me when I did things right and always looked at my few failures, never my many achievements has really helped me realise where alot of my anxiety, depression, loneliness and attachment issues stem from.
Most couples argue to hold their ground, to be right, never wrong & this only acts to reduce the love the other person has for that person. If, when the other person is angry about something, give the reason they describe some thought. If its correct, then admit you made a mistake, apologize & you'll find the other person loves you even more, because you put their feelings 1st, not your own & that's how love builds. I finally got that in our marriage & we've now been together since 1987, married since 88. You have to be careful with this that the other person is a sincere person, not a manipulator, but as long as the other person is sincere, then it works both ways. Some other time your partner will admit wrong doing & you'll notice how that builds your love for that person. It's just natural that people will step on each other's feelings & there has to be a way forward or if it can't be resolved, it reduces the love you both have until it eventually fails. Remember, loves builds through adversity or diminishes.
The key to divorce is putting too much emphasis on your partner for your own happiness. Those who can be happy regardless of what their spouse is or isn’t doing will have a successful marriage.
Exactly, find your own happiness, through your time, talents and treasures and passions-
Amen!! I could not have said this better.
This sounds like it’s coming from someone who has never been married to a toxic person/narcissist. You never win with these type of partners because they want you to worship them and have no outside interests
@@ellenscofield5632 Why on earth would I marry a toxic narcissist? I most definitely did not.
@@JC-li8kk no one consciously decides to do that but that’s what happened in my case. I’m not dismissing your point of view but codependent or toxic people don’t think that way
If they’re a narcissist they won’t do it they’ll shame you for even asking or speaking
Best thing u can do is leave 🤷🏽♀️
What narcissist looks like?how they react?
Learned that one the hard way….
@@piragerindrajabar1036 they have no empathy for others and seek validation from others instead of love, their friendships are just manipulated people to get what they want. They think they are special and that no one understands them. When they meet someone like them or special in a way they will be attracted to them because of envy, they feel like someone finally understands them. When u are in a relationship with them they tell you “you’re gonna leave just like the others because you will get tired of me” but saying that is the very thing that pushes them away because you enter the conversation with the idea the other is going to leave, its an argument, a heated one. No empathy also means they don’t care about others so they use them to get money, reputation, etc selfish goals. They will bully someone just to bring themselves up a little.
But the secret is deep down they are vulnerable because they don’t know who they are, they have lived violent trauma, and need validation from others to stay sane(feed their ego)
Also very antisocial, meaning they don’t care about social norms, any rules, they takes unnecessary risks (ex driving fast), can be suicidal or depressed as well.
Basically they use lies, trickery, cheating(unprotected sex is also predominant act) and bend reality to get what they want because they think that they are the center of the universe and that others are just tools at their disposition.
All psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths, and psychopaths aren’t all murderers, they just have a 🧬 gene that stops them from processing serotonin as fast therefore their empathy and sympathy wss not developed in their brain as a baby.
So they cannot care for others.
Sociopaths is similar except its not a gene 🧬 its the environment(growing up) or trauma that made them lose empathy.
So there ya go. Stay away from those people because they know how to act as if they cared… but they don’t, its just a mask.
Also in almost every case they are not even aware of their condition, they have great suffering deep down inside because they feel like no one thinks like them, they know something is wrong but don’t know what it is.
Its sad because their whole personality is based on this narcissist view confronting them doesn’t work, its too many things to change at once, they will either get agressive or just not understand
I was teaching this in church in a marriage class out of scripture 15 years ago. It's always powerful to see it secularly as I have always believed it should. Thanks
The act of trying means willingness, a willing individual means happiness, a willing couple means strength, love, honor, respect, all of it! PLEASE know each and every day will get better but you both need to work for it. The payoff is a beautiful life partner. Please if you are being dragged through the mud and you’re the only one trying, you need to ask yourself “is this person healthy for me?”
That person can say they love you but that doesn't mean
They nor are you being honest to your heart.
This is all painfully true. The death of many marriages goes this way. I have tried to be patient, but you know people often just dont want to change, because thay are too lazy to, or convince themselves they are right!
Pride always seeks to be right. Humility just seeks doing what is right. Right! 🔥❤️
Really!? Did you learn nothing from the video? With that attitude, no wonder your marriages failed. Your arrogance and controlling attitude is very evident in the way that you have compiled your sentence.
You need to work on you. Also, you should have helped your partner, working as a team instead of insulting them as lazy and unable to change.
Or they're narcissists. In which case never changes.
Totally with you! I did everything exactly like mentioned in this Video, but…. She didn‘t and never wanted and now she left with my 2 Kids and Life is f… up. In the Future, I will take care of myself first
@@Daddylorian No kids, but, just about in same boat as you. I'm going forward and(for once), putting my feeling first. If I can't find a w0man who understands and practices reciprocity....then I'll just have to go it alone, I suppose.
Marriage is not an easy task, but when done right, it's fulfilling
Marriage/relationships shouldn't be hard work. With love and respect and 100% either way it should be beautiful despite life's challenges.
@@lydiawhitting5406everything worth having requires sacrifices
@@lydiawhitting5406 It is very rare anymore to have a marriage that is nothing but love and respect. You won't find people with marriages like that on RUclips relationship videos.
I was married for about 20 years. I thought that what we went through was the norm...about 5 years ago I met a man, we dated for a while...we never had an argument. His level of cool was inspiring. We're still friends. I learned that contention is not a necessary part of an intimate relationship. And that some people like drama, and I'm not one of them.😏
So you single now?
@@christhompson1897 😂
The silence says everything
U never had an argument for 5years. That’s impossible or y’all hiding something. Someone is a serial killer 😩
Anyone that doesn’t have fights is doomed. Single I’m sure.
I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my husband. We’ll celebrate our 20th anniversary this summer. Lovely traditional family. Nicely conservative. Great kids. We never argue. It’s all enjoyment and happiness until my mother in law shows Nd all is chaos and argument. All our fights revolves around something related to her. She decided to move to our subdivision. She can call my husband several times during the day. Her sons live close by but still she always demands my husband attention. I was the one telling my husband long ago to always check on his parents. I bring them food, groceries and help them on everyday life issues. Still is not enough. My husband works away from home all weekdays and come back on weekends. Still she cannot stop calling hima or demanding him or simple making something up so he can assist her. We cant go out on a date without her calling him. It’s very exhausting. He even takes her to our summer vacation every year. That’s my rant.
So sorry praying for you
Does your husband know how you feel about this?
Oh hell no, I tell my mom where to go if she interference with Wife. Seems He may need to nut up and show moms He ain't the one no more! Manipulation stops now!
That’s a no, no for me sorry. Each person gets married to another woman when he’s over his first one…his mother
It will pass.
Never call each other names and if you are angry take a minute to think about what you will say, remember that you both have feelings. Sometimes you need to remind each other that you both have feelings and that you can’t read each other’s minds. It’s all about working together and maintaining your relationship.
There are times where I noticed my bf would get a little defensive or point out something I did just for saying how I feel. Sometimes he understands, other times he does not. And when he points out things about me, I sometimes listen and understand and sometimes I don't understand. We are both working on communicating. Can be difficult when one person thinks they are good at it when I don't think he is and I know I'm not good at communicating. 😅
Communication is so important in a marriage. It’s important with between you and your children. Well,.. it’s important in all of life really. Also, it’s the way you communicate as explained in this video.❤️
Thank you so much. I just got married. And these are our arguments. From me to him. This is so perfect for my marriage
INVITE ME TO YOUR DIVORCE CEREMONY
Looks like we have a "Man Changer" here. Blonde Scorpion, when you finally change everything about him you won't respect him anymore. Then when you leave him for another man, it will take him some time to become a man that he can respect again. And let me guess, he never has any changes he wants you to make, right? If he did you would be thinking, I can find someone to appreciate me the way I am. I don't have to put up with this. This is my experience anyway 😂
"lee lunk" and "frumundachz2149" and those who agree with them are despicable human beings with nothing but animosity and bitterness who will *never* find happiness nor love should they continue to espouse their wicked and vain viewpoints. You punks need to shut your ignorant foolhardy mouths.
What's hilarious is that, apart from the reasoning aspect in this, this is how you raise dogs. Reward good behaviour, even if done badly. With time, it will be better and done more.
I was thinking the same thing 😂
I have been through 5 months of rehab for drug and alcohol abuse and I listened to Jordan Peterson everyday, I'm finally happy again and everything in my life is better than I thought it could be. He's such a great man and I hope he realizes how much he means to us ❤️
Ron, wow 5 months is a long time to be in patient (I’m assuming) rehab for D&A. My best to you. I just relapsed after 8 years of solid recovery. Now I have to start over again and it’s gonna be a challenge, there will be suffering, mental and physical pain, and everything else that comes with withdrawal and early recovery.
I’m happy and proud for you. Do not stop or let your guard down for an instant. Use me as a reminder to make it your purpose in life to help others and you’ll be safe and secure in your new way of living free from drugs and alcohol. Pray to your higher power to put someone in front of you that you can help every morning. It’s amazing what can come from that one act alone.
Great job brother. JP is an amazing person who’s helping me also as I begin my journey back to a clean and sober life. Remember, “ every bottom has a trap door”. I just learned that the hard way. Best to you my friend. Scott
Do you know Portor Levenson?
I'll never understand how the woman I loved so very much and did anything and everything for, always concentrated on the things I didn't do, or didn't do very well at. I renovated a farm for us to live in, I got up through the night to feed our baby, I walked the dogs, I cooked our dinners, I worked 12hrs a day.
I drove myself physically and mentally into the ground for you. But still you only ever noticed my faults. Of which there are no doubt many. I Dont understand. I didn't at any point put any pressure on you. I hate that I allowed you to abuse me for so long but when I think of it too much I'm reduced to tears. I love you and our daughter. Even after all this, you still use you legal profession to punish in any and every way you can. I hope you have found happiness, wherever you are. I sincerely mean that.
Wow 💔
No u deserve happiness , you’ll get it , I know it :)
Sorry to read this. It sounds like your motivation was for your family unit to prosper, but her motivation was more self-serving. Wishing you peace.
You sound like me. Let her go! Once you do she will want to come back. DONT TAKE HER BACK, because this is where she will really hurt you.
If they verbally assaulted you. They might be very ignorant. Why did they verbally lose their cool? What is THEIR problem? Some people do not meet others half way. They need their pedestal. They make great relationship wreckers. This video only works for people that are not narcissists.
I was about to say all this works UNLESS YOUR DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST!!
@@lunaramanda952 yes Lunar that's who I was describing. And then nothing works unless you become their automaton. If you like being a puppet.........
A nagging needy wife often makes a good man into a narcissist.. so there's that 🤷♀️
The key to divorce is putting too much emphasis on your partner for your own happiness. Those who can be happy regardless of what their spouse is or isn’t doing will have a successful marriage.
Described every liberal woke in the USA
Quite possibly the best thing that happened in the 21st century,, Jordan Peterson. I first heard this years ago. It is just as helpful now as then, we just celebrated our two year anniversary. We are all human after all.
I like Jordan Peterson a lot. I also think it is so great to help people consider how they are ruining their hoped for outcome by fighting.... Along with this, I must say one problem I have with 'I have a peculiarity/ greet me when I come home' is that it is a mode of interaction that takes control of the other person, & directs them how to act & treat you. That is just a bit off to me. I think that would work IF you first agree to run your relationship that way- open the door for letting each other know your 'love language,' & when you feel loved & what is done where you don't... at a set time, for both parties. Otherwise, you could also get the focus off yourself, & "do unto others as you would wish for them to do to you." How about, when you come in the door, you decided, "Yes, connecting is important." So YOU make the effort, to go show your great joy to see THEM. Ultimately, it will create a great dynamic, that will feed in a positive direction, so it is not a loss if you focus on your part, what you can give.
A wise person defined ‘love’ as commitment.
A wiser person defined it as God.
I like the format of your video. Straight to the point, easy to apply and feel familiar with many situations encountered
I had an ex that would accuse me of cheating every week. I never cheated. It was so hard on me. There was no way to prove my innocence. It overcame my love for her and eventually i left. We really were so compatible, except for her punishing me for being faithful.
I get accused daily. It's really exhausting, and isolating trying to defend myself. I have asked him to move out 🍀 so I can have peace of mind and he is very critical, and judgmental. Sometimes people grow apart.🤷🍀🐎🐎🐎🐎
She was either comically insecure, or cheating herself...can't fix any of that.
@@daneanderson744 exactly 🍀 I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Most narcissistic when they blame other person of something that they have never done to give them a reason to say your cheating,is bc herself was prob. cheating.....but my bf did cheat emotionally which I feel even worse,but see hoe can trust them when they don't even see the part they played into why I have trust issues with him.esp the lieing like I tell him just tell the truth whatever action was ok but bigger problem is the lies and they still will
@@shirleymeador9956 I’ve been there, I’m glad you asked him to leave
Wow ... The instant drawing makes it so much easier to follow ...!
Thank you, Chaos & Order! First video, new subscriber and bell-clicker :)
I have only watched a few videos but for a scholar this guy is very simple, practical and common sense that most folks overlook, I have learnt much, especially because I am married 😅😅😅.
With out knowing I did this with my husband. I had to be very patient and bite my tongue a lot but now we have a great relationship and we can now talk about things and I express what I’m feeling.
Tried sharing, tried defining my desires, gave much positive response to the tiniest nice behaviors and still got shot down, devalued, lied about to family, friends and aquaintences. The entire time I was giving credit where credit was due for about the first ten years with absolutely no reciprocation. It wear me down to the point where I made a decision to stop and fight. I changed everything about myself that ever brought me happiness and he never changed to do good for me. He left continuing to lie about me and except for the people who saw his true colors, I have had no support or comfort. Therapy and directional counciling only work for those who really want what they already have. If they made up their minds say one day after marriage that they really didn't want you then the war has begun and no telling how long it will take to destroy the union that is why a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave Only unto his wife. Simply put happy wife leads to a happy life.
This is absolutely the very first time that I fully agree and enjoy a Jordan Paterson content/speech !!
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay?
Never punish honesty. Punishing honesty is worse than the honest thing being said because punishing honesty is essentially demanding that the person not be themselves and that will destroy a relationship very quickly.
The key to this like Jordan says is that being patient is ANNOYING and triggers defensiveness, blaming etc. Many people can't catch themselves in those crucial moments or don't even recognize when they are having one of those moments. They need a coach to stop them and coach them through those moments to train patience and suppressing negative outbursts. It's a battle of mind over emotions because negative emotions make people feel devalued and makes them want to give up or deflect the negativity to the other person instead of explaining those feelings and asking for what they need.
Don’t punish someone when they have done something right.
This video caught me right when something like this happened with my partner. It made me sad. And it opened my eyes. Simply put, thank you.
My parents before their passing. Who we're married 50 years. I never heard them downgrade, belittle, or talkdown to each other.
The last time I saw my mom. I said as she laying there on a ventilator, I told her. Mom. You showed us kids, what a real marriage looked like.
If I can't have a marriage life like you and Daddy. I don't desire one.
Every day for a full summer I used to talk to this old couple for years (I was 17 now I'm 19). I'd wake at 6, swim in the lake, run around, then around 9 I'd go talk to them until 12 or 1pm. They have been married for 55 years (88 year old and 87).
They told me their life story, how they met etc. It's actually a really beautiful story but the thing that stuck out the most to me to this day is what they said is the definition of true love: "true love comes out on your worst times". It can be kinda corny for some people but it really changed my perspective of "love"
it's easy "loving" someone when everythings cool. Think about someone you really love like a mother, father or brother. Even after you fight eventually you're back to good terms again and IG that's a part as to why these familial relationships last. Sadly tho I moved to another country so you can be sure I was balling my eyes out last time I saw them
I’m 70 years old and I remember my mother say “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. In other words don’t sweat the small stuff. As much as is in you make peace always 😊
I literally just started learning this this past month and suddenly this shows up in my feed
This does indeed work, me and my partner been together for 14 years I try to communicate with him what it is I want everyday and he makes sure to try to do those things as much as he can we have been doing really good 😊
Yes praising someone is so powerful. And we’re so in our feelings thinking the other person is doing this purposely trying to hurt us we end up walking away what could have potentially been a good relationship
Question: is wanting to be acknowledged by your partner when you walk in the door really a sign of insecurity? Or is it a sign of valuing the person's presence rather than acting they don't exist. Maybe it's just me but whenever my partner shows up I'm always happy to see him and greet him and I'll stop what I'm doing for a moment once it's feasible to do so.
No it’s not a sign of insecurity. It’s a sign you’d like to be met with the presence and regard for eachother’s existence which is presumably foundational to the relationship. If you or your partner is slipping into the allure of media oblivion, it’s essential to point it out.
@Lisa loves FG damn bih, why you coming like that? 😩💀
I was usually always there when my husband came home, asked him how his day was, had dinner ready or close to it. What do you do when one day then for years he'd come home argumentative, brooding starting fights and treating me horrid? How do you get past that?
I wasn't allowed to ask what's wrong, he'd get mad at me for that too.
My (now dead, YAY) mother in law made a career of punishing her 3 sons whenever they did something great, or generous, or virtuous. They gave her no funeral, no memorial, and no celebration of life party. 🙂
That kind of mother in law is stupid.. what's wrong with doing something right and good. it's just stupid
I love this so much. It's lectures like this of Jordan Peterson that really give me hope and a sense of comfort knowing I can actually do something to bring peace back into my home.
This is what I haven’t been telling her. She didn’t listen she wanted her way and she wanted to be that way as soon as possible without caring how I felt or what I delt with all she wanted was to make sure she was happy and she got what she wanted. After putting me through hell for years and I stayed by her side. I struggled and she left expecting me to put myself together after she broken me. I noticed it’s and it wasn’t fair. So I pushed myself back a little because I wanted her to appreciate and love me for me and for what I could provide at the moment. Instead of loving the idea of who she wanted me to be. I do things for her and the next day she will forget and ask for something different. Never really appreciated the fact that I got her something. She cared more about what I get her. And that hurt me and brought up a person of me that had only anger. And tired of being pushed around. She noticed I stopped trying. And i know it was not the right respond but it was how I felt at the moment. I did things here and there because I really do love her. But I stoped doing big things for here because she never appreciated me
Okay never argue again, never call your partner stupid, never get angry, always talk when there is doubts or misunderstanding. But I guess this can be done only if both parties are willing n genuine to each others feelings.
Great vid, thank you, very informative and funny too...
Yeah, you’re right, it’s a great video, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay?
I could have used information before I developed a terrible patterns for having a relationship. Too late now.... but im very grateful this information exsists for someone that could be just starting a relationship. Its very wise.
Never too late. Patterns aren’t permanent.
@@Damnnntee Thank you for the encouragement. Habits or patterns are extremely hard to break when they are layered. Thats why its so important to take wise information like this and produce good habits early.
@@travisdevoid535 Never too late brother. Stop looking at the mountain as a whole; you’ve already got the image of how big the problem is imprinted on your mind. Start looking at the next steps in front of you; the next steps that lead to conquering that mountain. And then start walking.
It’s not too late, it’s never too late. It FEELS like it, but it’s not. Our feelings often lie to us and keep us stuck. Acknowledge the feelings but don’t use them as evidence for what you can/can’t accomplish. You Can start making your own changes for yourself. Don’t focus on Their changes. That’s a guaranteed lost battle, and that is a battle for them to put in the effort on. That particular battle is out of your control. Focus on the changes You need and want to make; and then make it happen. Start taking those steps… that is how you train Them. By first being the change you wish to see.
The awareness alone will cause change. It's never too late.
Yeah same …
Toxicity is contagious..even if you keep ignoring for a whole year for example and the partner doesn’t change..you’ll be forced to break the ice and let your anger out.
This is some of the best marriage advise ever! Everyone should understand this.
I am so glad I saved this video! I can't wait to try and make some homemade salsa. Also, thanks for the tip about veggies for kids!
The truest statement on a successful marriage "sometimes she right and sometimes you are wrong"
The surest way to become a spit of a man.
That's the biggest bunch of BS
@@mr.makedonija2627 it's a joke
He is RIGHT and it takes an open mind with a lot of patience and work/ effort
Here is a very simple advice for every single person who truly wants to attract someone into their life to love them unconditionally like a life partner.
Write down a 5 values from 1 being most important to 5 being least important. For example 1 being family 2 being money 3 being work 4 being travel 5 being education. For each individual it’s different.
If you would like to know what your values are just look where you spend your money during the week where your money goes if what you value most. Also wherever you take most action in life is what you value most. Things you like you gonna wanna do easy things you don’t you gonna tend to avoid and they are low on your list of priorities. I hope you understand what I mean exactly.
So your values will show you what’s really important to you a lot of people I work with want a partner yet they don’t have relationships or partner on their list of values or things they priorities. Wanting something from your ego or your head is different than actually taking action on it or prioritising it over other things you actually value more than what you thought you wanted.
The reason you write those values down is simple awareness exercise to actually help you see what’s really important to you. Because you might think you want a relationship but you actually don’t because you aren’t ready and that’s ok and you actually realise that there is other things more important to you right now than a partner. First get clear why you want a partner or relationship and also get clear on why you don’t have a partner on the first place.
The reason I say this is my partner and I have been together for a while now we don’t compromise and we don’t sacrifice in a relationship. We both have same values and RELATIONSHIP is number 1 to both of us. So when you have two people who have the relationship as their highest values they don’t need to sacrifice or compromise because their life just aligns without those two components.
When we need to work on our relationship we don’t compromise or sacrifice because we both have that as our highest value. For people who have travel education work or career as higher than relationship of course they gonna sacrifice and compromise because RELATIONSHIP is so far behind what they actually prioritise.
I really hope people understand this concept and what I’m actually trying to say. Hope this helps to someone who reads it and helps bring some awareness into their life so they can understand their partner and themselves a little better.
Have a lovely day bless you all
Thanks 😊
All my money ues to go to her and for her I did with out for her if she want to be anest she'll tell u I was
You'll are up to something if she really wanted me she kn I was how to get to me or ask me come down I would I always drop every thing for her but am don't truest has to be earned
“Patner”
Pats are usually good people. So are Jordans. I need to find more Jordans and Pats.
My partner tells me I'm stupid and all that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from laughing because after all their the ones that ended up with me so what does that say about them? Truth is, anytime anyone says anything about anything it's actually them saying more about themselves than the subject. Those that hate being psychoanalyzed are often the ones that don't do enough introspection and end up in situations they don't want to take responsibility for. ^^;
Yes!!!!! They do not like it.
The one always pointing a finger at another person's faults probably doesn't do much introspection.
This was very helpful! I remember something my family and I use to do when I was a kid. Everybody wants to watch a movie. But my mom would like one thing my dad would not like that at all nor would I. It works any which way you work that problem. So a solution we came up with was this. 1 person on movie night (which we rotated so we each could have a turn) would pick 5-10 movies they would like to watch but knowing that we may like them as well. Then out of those picks the next person would make a selection of those movies they would like to watch, typically 3-5 movies and the last person would make the final selection on the single movie we would watch. This assured we were all happy to watch the movie that was selected. I think this could work in relationships as well. It doesn't have to be with just movies. They could be choosing the restaurants or bars or maybe even the activities. This way your both on the same page and would be glad to do what was chosen. 🙂
We've been married 38 years, and we still say, "Please", "Thank you", "You're welcomed", and "Excuse me":
"Will you PLEASE turn that down!!"
"Well, EXCUSE ME for living!!"
"I happen to have a headache, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!"
"You have a headache? I worked hard cleaning this entire house!! YOU'RE WELCOMED!!"
🤣 But seriously, we still do mind our manners. They are important to a healthy relationship. ❤️
how you guys able to do that?
@@flxmkr only healthy relationship are like this in any relationship :
we still say, "Please", "Thank you", "You're welcomed", and "Excuse me":
"Will you PLEASE turn that down!!"
"Well, EXCUSE ME for living!!"
"I happen to have a headache, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!"
"You have a headache? I worked hard cleaning this entire house!! YOU'RE WELCOMED!!"
Jordan Peterson is so genuine and real !!!
That was a very good video! And to all of you strugling out there good luck! Remember keep it wise and dont let anger take over you, you got this! Also patience is the key so train that a bit aswell.. anyway gl!
So clear and concise communication
i wish i saw this when i hadn’t made the mistakes that i have
Everybody does, eventually! 🔥❤️💯🤔
I´m going to watch it every day from now on.
everyone saying that a woman will always find a reason to fight. yes it is true but not if you find the right woman that was raised by good parents and has made up her own mind on how to be a good wife, woman and friend.
if you want to find that woman you have to be the man for this kind of woman. work on yourself. work on your body and mind and you will stumble upon a woman like this.
Yes, but even the nicest woman if continually provoked, hurt, put down, putting up with anger or partner not talking and given her the silent treatment cannot help but react in the end. It all depends on the other person
We are not perfect individuals who can always act perfect in every situation when tested to our limits.
Your first sentence is already a put down. You are assuming that women Always find a reason to fight ending it with that it's true. You poor soul. Then you give the credit to the parents for raising her right. I give it to you that you added she made up her mind to be a good wife, women, friend.
Yes be that man to attract a good woman. And women be that woman to attract that good man.
We all need to work on ourselves for a better future
@@leialee6820 Exactly right just went through this exact description. you stated.
I agree, with what someone said, in order for this to work, you gave got to have 2 people who are emotionally mature and wont get defensive when you bring your feelings and thoughts to them.
This is really awesome. Thank you for sharing this. There are so many that desperately need this kind of clarity. Just know you are making the lives of so many and their children's lives God bless them so much better. Hugs, keep up the good work. You are so very much appreciated. ❤️
Its been a month or so since I’ve listened to JBP, F@$k I love the way he talks!!!!! So refreshing!!!!
It takes two to tango. If one of the partners is the type who doesn’t care about how you think or what you want, no matter how many times you ask that person to change a bit and be a little bit more considerate. They just won’t do it. What to do? WALK AWAY and don’t turn back. Living with toxic people is a horrible situation, so don’t stay too long with someone like that.
Idk why but this video has me nearly in tears.
Thank you, information feels so personal. Exactly information I needed
You know something mr. Peterson I will never change my mind about you nomatter what people say about you always speaks the truth please keep the good work I appreciate it along with 8 billion people except to person from tyt or yty anyways love you man
👆👆 Keep in touch with this powerful man from Thailand on his mobile phone, if you want to fix your relationship or marriage.
This is SO SMART I am welling up. This is so spot on and so simple yet so effective and it's exactly THAT. It's like gravity. It's true and it exists. Thank you JBP legendary man.
woww this is my favorite video, thanks for sharing .....,,.
Why would I be with someone who calls me stupid? I would never be with them. I would never treat someone I love like that.
It's unbelievable how people stay in relationships where there isn't mutual respect, love, courtesy, admiration etc. People ignore red flags. People need to think with their brain and not with their hearts.
I'm glad I found this video
Upsets = Expectations not met, undelivered communication or thwarted intentions. When a person is upset look at these for reference. When YOU are upset consider those. Also… call your partner on the way home and say get ready …I’m going to find you the minute I get home to get a hug or give you a hug.
I didn't know Jordan Peterson could draw and speak at the same time!!😯
Thanks Dr Peterson. I have learnt alot from you.
like what?
Yes sir. Our destiny is not written for us but by us.
First I cried, then I did a Johnny Depp and laughed at it all. I clean the house top to bottom every week on the same day (as dictated by my partner) only to have him find a crumb or a tea leaf to complain about. At first I just tried to point out "I cleaned the whole house, you say nothing about that , you only complain about a cup left out? " His response was that he goes out to work and so he is entitled to expect I do the housework -properly. I hated him being so nasty to me so For weeks I tried harder to make sure everything was perfect....I caught him looking under rugs to find something, then I discovered little traps he would leave lying around like walnuts under the bed, tucked into hard to reach corners. This was about the time I started searching the internet for help , I wasnt sure....was he abusive? I researched what abuse was, and that led me to narcissism. I researched hundreds of hours and became more and more certain he had NPD...then perhaps some BPD ...maybe histrionic. Its been ten years of learning to understand these things, and learning how to deal with them. Im ok now, I can live with it. I can accept the way he is and keep my own happiness. You see, we cannot blame them for our misery when it is our own responses that are the real cause of it.
No. Not at all. I figured out how to live alongside a pretty disturbed individual (because I had no other option except sicide or homelessness). I don't feel powerless ,anymore. I used to at first but I realised that was a learned response fromchildhood that wasnt appropriate. I empowered myself with education and insight , I did the inner work on my responses to the situation and changed them to more functional/effective coping strategies.
You deserve to be with man who comes home and hugs you and says how lucky he is to have you.
Thank you. At my age, and without the ability to look after myself financially, i make the most of life, whatever that life is. Ive learnt to focus on all the good things. I take care of me on the inside and he takes care of me on the outside. Id like to mention that his behaviour has become an awful lot better the last year or so and Ive been able to figure out how to help his state of mind rather than take it personally and feel attacked. Its how youd take care of a dog from an abused shelter . I know so many people say its not possible to fix NPD , and that did give me a lot of doubt ...but some parts of it are being fixed. He is coming to loose his paranoia or belief that every thing I do is bad/done to hurt him, and he is praising me and saying thank you for things, he even tells me how nice it is to come home to a clean house . He does complain a little when he finds a tea leaf but he doesnt direct his complaint at me like a weapon....so something is going on there regarding taking the unfinished job as an insult and his ensuing desire to hurt or punish. The silent treatments ended some years ago. There are lots of narcissism traits that he has lost and although he cant be too close or intimate he has begun to feel trusting enough to come for small hugs. The saddest thing for me is that he had no idea that he is (so )damaged .
Thx Jordan... This is a video that could work both ways.
I've been punished for doing things right many time and gave up twice in 1 day.. that was the start of my new crappy life... Morale of the story is treat ppl how you want to be treated... Because if they live they will resent you
Thank you
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God bless you
We need to add Jordan Peterson to our modern history textbooks.
I was like this with my ex. Unfortunately she couldn't handle "working it out" and instead preferred irrational blaming. Never regretted leaving her even slightly 😀 ... your never stuck so don't feel that way!
who regret leaving evil nor good people
This is so helpful in my life right now thanks you 😊
I failed as a husband before, this is exactly how I feel when I changed. My wife still hurt from the past. I just want her to he happy, whether it is with me or not. I failed her as a husband, i will not fail her as a friend and a father to our child.
It amazes me how little people investigate what would make themselves happy. It amazes me more how so very few people get it. It's OK to think that something will do something for you only to find that achieving it wasn't what you thought it was because now you know better. Delusions when pursued always lead to disillusionment which always leads to truth. So if you're disillusioned now then rejoice because the truth is close at hand. Be vigilant, open and receptive when it comes. Now that you know whats coming that will be easier to do.
I love this and everything Jordan Peterson says. Sadly, some spouses don't care what the other spouse needs, regardless of how the information is relayed. If they don't align with their own needs, they don't change. Some spouses just want attention from themselves for themselves, or from porn or Facebook. Selfishness is the ultimate destroyer of relationships.
Happiness comes from within. Women get with a man and want to start changing him for their own happiness and in the end you won't respect him for the man you made him into.
Unpeel the WHY with your partner. Ideally, both people (within reason) strive to satisfy the other partner’s needs.
You be right and I’ll be happy 😊
It's perhaps 300% easier to point out mistakes, issues or negative things rather than talk about positives. A failure of routine is that negatives can become a routine to notice far easier than positives. Learning to celebrate the little positives will help a lot. Learn from my mistakes of talking about the negatives way too much. Choose to participate in your partners life.
God Bless Jordan Peterson!