Portraits In Faith - Geetha Balakrishna

THE DISAPPEARING “I”
“So, from childhood you can see the influences I've had. I've had Hinduism in the house. And then I went to a convent school. And then I listened to the lectures of J. Krishnamurti from childhood where I was taught about dissolving the “I,” which never made any sense to me. And it never did in all these decades until recently. In fact, I would say it was a couple of years ago when the book titled, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle fell into my lap-inadvertently-and in a flash I understood what J. K. had always been preaching. I finally understood the first book my mother gave to me, Freedom from the Now, and said, "Read this. Maybe it will make some sense."
So my faith today is perhaps impacted by all of this. I've come to believe in the power within me more than anything else. And if I do not have that power, then I will never be able to fathom, understand, feel, experience, what God is about.
It has been a battle; believe me, it has been a battle. But I am not going to give it up until I fully understand what this 'I' within me is all about. My mom lived a life of surrender, patience, and sacrifice. My brother who has been more my mentor, although he is younger to me, has been a guide. He has been pretty ruthless in his handling of me, you know, when I go the wrong way, when I think in the wrong way. So these influences have been working on me, and every now and then I feel there is a need for me to sit and evaluate and find out: "Hey! Where are you heading?" "What is it that you're looking for?" "Is this what you want?" "What is your goal?" So I need to do this every now and then so that I don't end up being pretentious, a runaway seeker."