The commenters are missing the point of Story 1: nobody wants to be the second choice, or the back up spouse. Choose somebody that wants to choose you.
No, they just take into account nuance. Keep in mind they still came to the conclusion that OP wasn't the idiot while also explaining how love is complicated. And even then it's also sometimes not enough. You are just upset they didn't go ob and bash the woman whome, all things considered was a pretty tame situation. Doesn't invalidate the OPs feelings or choices, so I don't get what your hang up is unless you just want an excuse to hate without considering principle.
@chickensandwich8808 I don't think you can reasonably conclude that I was upset, or what I would be upset about, given what I wrote above. All I said is that they missed the point. We know what the point was because OP said what it was: he felt like the silver medal, the consolation prize, and it broke his heart. Neither of the subsequent commenters addressed this. The first said: "Hey man. Love is complicated. Nobody knows the order in which things progress." Which is fair enough, except that OP's ex kept around, and kept pining for, the guy she could not have during a separate multi year relationship/engagement. The second commenter said: "Give her an ultimatum. Him or you," which ignores that OP already ended things precisely because he didn't want to play 2nd fiddle his ex's best friend/secret desire. Tbh, it seems like you are the one looking to condemn folks without considering principle, since you attempted to ascribe aim and motive to me above 😉 But think what you want, I guess.
Story 1. No justification. A close friend that she lusts over is a problem. If the roles were reveresed it would be a huge problem. Just leave her. Nobody should ever be told they were settled for...
Story 1: she needs to cut out the friend. OP is NTA. Good on him for breaking it off. Story 2: he should break it off. Story 3: see ya! Story 4: good on you for setting boundaries, OP, and that you got out of that toxic environment.
To any young men that may be reading this: If she only has guy friends it's a red flag. Don't listen to anyone in these comments that says otherwise. They will tell you that "girls are too much drama" but what she means is that she is the drama 😂
Fr like if you dating your girlfriend it wouldn't be nice for her to touch someone else's hand instead of yours. It's so funny because she is gonna be like "his just a friend" and 3 years later she is sleeping with "that friend* 😂 this generation is fucked I ain't getting married soon
No dude wants to be the back up plan. Plus if she ever told this friend how she felt good chance she would go to him if he was open to it. Unattainable friend is just a step down from competing with a dead ex. Never ends well for guys like op.
For all the women that like misusing the word insecure story 2 is the textbook definition of a insecure man all he had to say was no and I won't put up with blatantly being disrespected.. and as soon as she admitted to still getting his contact DONE no second chances
Story 1 isn't so much about the fact that she couldn't get with her first choice because he was out of her league, but rather that her first choice is her best friend since childhood and who is still in her life. Had it just been some guy who was out of her league that she had a crush on years ago, who she doesn't have any contact with anymore, then I would not personally have a problem with it, but this is her _male best friend_ we're talking about. That will always and forever remind OP of the fact that he is the consolation prize that she settled for because she couldn't have the one she really wanted: her male best friend.
My female room mate considers me her best friend. There's nothing going on, I'm not even remotely interested in her that way. She's also married and I'm friends with her husband. This is a moronic take.
@@Savage-- Your case is 1 in a million. Look around and analyse the guys around you. You wanna bet your roomate has other guy friends that know her husband, and still wanna sleep with her?
Thought story 4 would be happy, but in the end it just went down like that woman. Oh well, never ever sacrifice yourself for someone who doesn't want to change truly. It is better to know when to get the hell out of situations.
Story 3, mate she just told you she's in an open relationship with you, you just weren't privy to that info until now. Don't look back, work hard at your job, enjoy your hobbies and set yourself up for an easier life in the coming years.
That's not the funny part. She barely makes any money. He makes over 200k and in his new job he will make over 600k and he was paying for everything and intending to pay off her students loans. When he broke up she told him he misunderstood what she said.
I have a close female friend from when i was in high school. As close as we are, we still have boundaries and dont talk all the time or hang out. Nothing will ever develope between us outside of friendship. Thats the way its supposed to be. When shes in a relationship i rarely talk to her outside of certain events. People who try to third wheel and be in the way shouldnt stay friends.
Story 3: Glad to see a man with some dignity and self-respect. He saw things the way they were. He makes all the money and supports their lifestyle. She wants to enjoy it and enjoy something else on the side while he has to work for both of them. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, as much as I hate that saying. She was contributing practically nothing and felt she had the right to throw a fuss and c*ck him out. Good on him.
S1: knowing he could ask her and she would let him be with her is a deal breaker... S2: She has no respect for you so dump her as she is only waiting for him to ask her to be with him.... S3: she was asking for permission to cheat while you are away, good riddance.... S4: as sad as it is there is no helping her and you have gone above and beyond to try and help her but now its time to move on.
Story 1. You never get serious with a woman with a male friend. So he made that mistake. My advice to the guy would have been this. Dude what if you had some friend who was a girl but she was a super model, incredibly smart and wealthy. She likes you for one aspect of your life and that could be that you both play music. She has dated professional athletes. You know 100% that she would not date you, and it is just someone you talk to and play music with. You meet your now girlfriend. Get to know her over years and want to marry her. She isn't as good looking, smart or wealthy. Are you settling for her? Obviously not. Now should he demand that she stop seeing this guy and never to talk to him again. Yes. There will tons and tons of dudes that she will see that in her mind are better looking than you, but can she control that and be faithful to you. The same for you. You will see some smoking hot, smart women who may even flirt with you. Are you going to cheat? I mean if some hotter smarter and younger women comes along and wants to f**k you, are you going to leave your wife? If so, don't think about getting married.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t get story 1. So you weren’t the first choice, who cares? I’ve seen relationships where she wasn’t the guy’s first choice either. This is not some big betrayal, she’s not cheating on him either emotionally or physically. She just admitted that she was attracted to the friend in the past. My response would probably be to say that I would have picked the friend too if I was gay. This one just feels like over-sensitivity on his part, especially since there was no name calling, comparisons, or any talking-down like in similar stories. It just doesn’t strike me as being serious enough to warrant calling off the wedding and the relationship.
Men and women operate differently. Men accept the terms of the deal. Women take the best deal available and only fulfill their obligation if, and only if a better deal doesn't present itself. She wasn't attracted to her friend in the past. She's attracted to him now. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
The commenters are missing the point of Story 1: nobody wants to be the second choice, or the back up spouse.
Choose somebody that wants to choose you.
No, they just take into account nuance. Keep in mind they still came to the conclusion that OP wasn't the idiot while also explaining how love is complicated. And even then it's also sometimes not enough. You are just upset they didn't go ob and bash the woman whome, all things considered was a pretty tame situation. Doesn't invalidate the OPs feelings or choices, so I don't get what your hang up is unless you just want an excuse to hate without considering principle.
@chickensandwich8808 I don't think you can reasonably conclude that I was upset, or what I would be upset about, given what I wrote above.
All I said is that they missed the point.
We know what the point was because OP said what it was: he felt like the silver medal, the consolation prize, and it broke his heart.
Neither of the subsequent commenters addressed this.
The first said: "Hey man. Love is complicated. Nobody knows the order in which things progress." Which is fair enough, except that OP's ex kept around, and kept pining for, the guy she could not have during a separate multi year relationship/engagement.
The second commenter said: "Give her an ultimatum. Him or you," which ignores that OP already ended things precisely because he didn't want to play 2nd fiddle his ex's best friend/secret desire.
Tbh, it seems like you are the one looking to condemn folks without considering principle, since you attempted to ascribe aim and motive to me above 😉
But think what you want, I guess.
If the guy stopped the wedding because of that then he was searching for an excuse.
@znk0r maybe. Maybe not. Neither of us are OP. Hard to say.
@@znk0rumm no why marry someone that is in love with someone else
Story 1. No justification. A close friend that she lusts over is a problem. If the roles were reveresed it would be a huge problem. Just leave her. Nobody should ever be told they were settled for...
"If the roles were reversed..."
That would require reddit commenters to have a degree of introspection...and we know how that goes.
It is now a huge problem. Reversing the roles changes nothing.
@uwetheiss970 Obviously a huge problem in respect to the significant other, who is the problem.
Story 1. Gf essentially said op is not her first choice. Enough said, just leave.
Story 1: she needs to cut out the friend. OP is NTA. Good on him for breaking it off.
Story 2: he should break it off.
Story 3: see ya!
Story 4: good on you for setting boundaries, OP, and that you got out of that toxic environment.
To any young men that may be reading this:
If she only has guy friends it's a red flag. Don't listen to anyone in these comments that says otherwise. They will tell you that "girls are too much drama" but what she means is that she is the drama 😂
Naw, the moment my girlfriend would have held his hand, that'd be a 'what the fuck are you doing?' Then she'd get dumped.
Fr like if you dating your girlfriend it wouldn't be nice for her to touch someone else's hand instead of yours. It's so funny because she is gonna be like "his just a friend" and 3 years later she is sleeping with "that friend* 😂 this generation is fucked I ain't getting married soon
Men are being shamed for having healthy boundaries
Even other men demonized men's boundaries n label them as controlling n toxic
No dude wants to be the back up plan. Plus if she ever told this friend how she felt good chance she would go to him if he was open to it. Unattainable friend is just a step down from competing with a dead ex. Never ends well for guys like op.
OP made the right choice. She loves her Chad friend, she can never love him.
For all the women that like misusing the word insecure story 2 is the textbook definition of a insecure man all he had to say was no and I won't put up with blatantly being disrespected.. and as soon as she admitted to still getting his contact DONE no second chances
S2: OP is a simp. I don't think she's cheating 🤡 😂
I call Doormat 🤡👍🏿
I think he’s about to grow a backbone fortunately
The comments on the story1.... so much brain Olympic gymnastics... LOL
Next event: Justification! Rationalizers take your marks...
When someone asks AITA, they aren't really asking. No one wants to believe they are. They want to vent and validation.
Story 1 isn't so much about the fact that she couldn't get with her first choice because he was out of her league, but rather that her first choice is her best friend since childhood and who is still in her life. Had it just been some guy who was out of her league that she had a crush on years ago, who she doesn't have any contact with anymore, then I would not personally have a problem with it, but this is her _male best friend_ we're talking about. That will always and forever remind OP of the fact that he is the consolation prize that she settled for because she couldn't have the one she really wanted: her male best friend.
Whoop! If people get blinded by love and love is just an expression....imagine if love was created into a human life form.....
Story-1: OP deserves it to be honest, his fault for even looking twice at a woman with a "Guy best friend"
My female room mate considers me her best friend. There's nothing going on, I'm not even remotely interested in her that way.
She's also married and I'm friends with her husband. This is a moronic take.
@@Savage-- Your case is 1 in a million. Look around and analyse the guys around you. You wanna bet your roomate has other guy friends that know her husband, and still wanna sleep with her?
Thought story 4 would be happy, but in the end it just went down like that woman. Oh well, never ever sacrifice yourself for someone who doesn't want to change truly. It is better to know when to get the hell out of situations.
Story 3, mate she just told you she's in an open relationship with you, you just weren't privy to that info until now. Don't look back, work hard at your job, enjoy your hobbies and set yourself up for an easier life in the coming years.
That's not the funny part. She barely makes any money. He makes over 200k and in his new job he will make over 600k and he was paying for everything and intending to pay off her students loans. When he broke up she told him he misunderstood what she said.
I have a close female friend from when i was in high school. As close as we are, we still have boundaries and dont talk all the time or hang out. Nothing will ever develope between us outside of friendship. Thats the way its supposed to be. When shes in a relationship i rarely talk to her outside of certain events. People who try to third wheel and be in the way shouldnt stay friends.
Should have just made the last story into its own standalone video.
If she's not 100% into you, you need to be 100% out of there. Male best friend? HUGE red flag.
Male friends is fine. Inability to set and maintain boundaries is a stop sign though
Story 3: Glad to see a man with some dignity and self-respect. He saw things the way they were. He makes all the money and supports their lifestyle. She wants to enjoy it and enjoy something else on the side while he has to work for both of them. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, as much as I hate that saying. She was contributing practically nothing and felt she had the right to throw a fuss and c*ck him out. Good on him.
Story 1: Male "Just" friend always a red flag... Always.
OP is a 2nd choice. Painful but reality.
Story 2: OP is also a 2nd choice...
The last story is just insane, at this point she doesn't deserve help
He should have suspected this and acted accordingly.
S1: knowing he could ask her and she would let him be with her is a deal breaker... S2: She has no respect for you so dump her as she is only waiting for him to ask her to be with him.... S3: she was asking for permission to cheat while you are away, good riddance.... S4: as sad as it is there is no helping her and you have gone above and beyond to try and help her but now its time to move on.
Story 1. You never get serious with a woman with a male friend. So he made that mistake. My advice to the guy would have been this. Dude what if you had some friend who was a girl but she was a super model, incredibly smart and wealthy. She likes you for one aspect of your life and that could be that you both play music. She has dated professional athletes. You know 100% that she would not date you, and it is just someone you talk to and play music with. You meet your now girlfriend. Get to know her over years and want to marry her. She isn't as good looking, smart or wealthy. Are you settling for her? Obviously not. Now should he demand that she stop seeing this guy and never to talk to him again. Yes. There will tons and tons of dudes that she will see that in her mind are better looking than you, but can she control that and be faithful to you. The same for you. You will see some smoking hot, smart women who may even flirt with you. Are you going to cheat? I mean if some hotter smarter and younger women comes along and wants to f**k you, are you going to leave your wife? If so, don't think about getting married.
You just sound super insecure lmao
Story 2: she has no respect and it was only your turn with her
Story 1 - Drunk words are sober thoughts
I don’t understand why guys do the “pick me” dance. After she disobeys you, leave.
Story 1 leave her guy
Does any story have a good ending these days?
Second story is just annoying 😂
Waste of time......skip it.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t get story 1. So you weren’t the first choice, who cares? I’ve seen relationships where she wasn’t the guy’s first choice either. This is not some big betrayal, she’s not cheating on him either emotionally or physically. She just admitted that she was attracted to the friend in the past. My response would probably be to say that I would have picked the friend too if I was gay. This one just feels like over-sensitivity on his part, especially since there was no name calling, comparisons, or any talking-down like in similar stories. It just doesn’t strike me as being serious enough to warrant calling off the wedding and the relationship.
If you like to be settled for aka a safety blanket be everyone guest
Men and women operate differently. Men accept the terms of the deal. Women take the best deal available and only fulfill their obligation if, and only if a better deal doesn't present itself. She wasn't attracted to her friend in the past. She's attracted to him now. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Captain simper reporting for duty 🫡 😂