Reading through the comments and seeing how many people can relate to this makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not alone. Thanks for being honest y’all!
This is wonderful advice. The trick is to need each other but not too much. To be able to be a couple, yet be an individual. Keeping a marriage intact or long-term relationship is just like keeping your body intact or your mind you must exercise it frequently and pay attention to all the signs that it could be starting to fail you. The thing that attracts us to someone, many times ends up makes us repeal someone. I.e. “I feel so secure with him” at times ends up equaling “I am so bored” years later. It’s not a game it’s just human nature.
I think this is most marriages. There loyal, but truly don’t love each there just used to each other. More like roommates than anything. I’m going through that right now. See her more like a roommate than my wife.
Divorce then. Gosh, I don’t understand how people stay in a marriage when there is no love. Roommate?? Well, you can still divorce and have a roommate and pay half of your rent , mortgage, cine back home in peace. Without having to look at someone’s face everyday. Can’t stand sharing my organized and clean room with a messy person , that’s why I divorced.
@@heather4089 Life is difficult to navigate without a partner and when you've been with someone for decades and have kids, it's tough to leave; it's your family! :/
It's easy to think this way when you are surrounded by 'bad' marriages. In my family I was lucky to see what good relationships are like. They are very happy, laughing, no fights (don't always agree, but calmly discuss it), same values/goals/interests. They are like best friends and very happy together even after 10, 15, 20 years. Because they didn't jump to marry the first person who came along, but waited for someone compatible. I'm lucky that I have those examples or I would have settled like a lot of people do. Too many people panic and rush to get married after only 2-3 years dating. They marry because of fear rather than love. Or they marry for money/lifestyle (more women than men) and get love elsewhere. If you aren't happy, then get divorced and find someone compatible. Kids who grow up with both parents but parents who clearly dislike one another will learn to copy the same in their own relationships. It's better to give them an example of friends who can amicably co-parent under two roofs. Kids are very perceptive. They will pick up on how you really feel and internalise this as their 'normal' when they are adults.
Relationships are so complicated. In a marriage you need intimacy, respect & commitment. You have to choose that person every day & keep the love alive. Never get complacent.
Wow. You really nailed my marriage in a nutshell. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. I'm only 33 so I feel like I'm too young to feel so alone. I can't imagine feeling this way forever. We both live our family and each other but there is no intimacy anymore. So very sad.
Same here, MoonGluc. :( I'm 45 and should have gotten out when i was 33. I may have had a chance to have the children i always wanted. Hope things are better for you now.
Try that for over 45 years, or more! This has been extremely common, because partners believe deeply, that married people are obligated to stick together, to work out whatever issues. They started out in love, but that seemed to get lost along the way as Life imposed daily stresses and events. Those who stick-it-out-together despite not feeling closeness or love, see something of value in the relationship, worth sticking together for, that is greater for the parties involved, than splitting could provide. Thing is, one must find ways to awaken the original love..it won't be exactly the same; it often is deeper. There are things both can do with each other, to help rebuild that.
My marriage has turned into house arrest.....and having kids is the only glue holding me back from divorce.After 25 hard years most of them have been boring and lonely.We try not to get into each others way to avoid fights and our discussions are only children based. Leaving is not an option for many reasons so we both roll with the punches and try to be peacefull.STUCK is the only wordto discribe it.....I miss passion,kissing,buying gifts,feeling excited around someone,and them excited about me.....I hope this Jerry Wise reads this and can help me
Have you tried taking her out to dinner? Buying her gifts? Kissing her passionately? Giving her compliments? Taking the first steps to change your marriage? Even if right now you don’t necessarily feel like doing it (maybe because of the feeling of “well why should i? She should do it for me!”) do it anyway & see what happens. That spark or the feelings you get when around someone in the beginning always fade. It takes work to keep a relationship alive.
Wow, this is totally my marriage; we've been married for 22 years and I'm 42. It hurts so bad because I had my soul before I meet my husband. My fiance died in a car accident, so I know what true loves feel like. So to have had it and lost it through death, kills even more.
I was married once but it ended due to her being bipolar and abusive to my daughter and I. Even though it was toxic, I recognized very early that marriage is way harder than most people think. I further believe most people are not equipped for it because of the demands and expectations.
@stormchaser419 I married for a very very short time, didnt like it,got devorsed, so glad to get my sanity back, I'll never want to go there again. Now my house is nice and.quiet very relaxing,when i was married i didnt even come.home i hated the place, the fee for the devorse was worth every penny, i think that was a wonderfull move. All that stupid stuff just came to a screeching halt like a train wreck ,what a bargain
I feel this 💯... I'm a lonely man and my wife is lonely...we are trapped together loyally but can't stand each other...we have grown so far apart...no attraction from her to me...I hope she cheats and leaves...I don't have the confidence to file...I am a co dependant individual...I realize how sick this condition is...
Dang. When i saw this title it hit me like a ton of bricks. 2 kids and absolutely loveless. We gear up the will but, fizzles out. Allowing myself to walk away from it literally set me free.
Im planning to leave him i just need to save.. Im secretly making business. Coz he doesnt want me to be financially independent.. He always controll eveything in our life.. My kids knows whats goin on. I feel so sad coz our kids says mommy no separate kids. Me and my brother live with u. Take us mum.. It breaks my heart... I just need a lil bit more time and wait when kids are in hs. Then we leave him..
Yes, Dr. we do see a lot of these kind of marriages around us, especially in the baby boomer/ X generation. It is sad but true. My marriage dissolved after 25 years...he just couldn't catch up, where I've evolved in becoming a better person through self love and self development. When 1 partner refuses to change, the marriage is doomed.
Agreed...he refuses to grow, no matter how I try to encourage it. I feel like I regress around him, feel worthless and depressed due to his verbal abuse that I have learned to recognize. He refuses to change. It breaks my heart. I also don't want the kids to think this is normal or healthy. :(
Most marriages are loveless, but try not to allow the marriage to become friendless. really try to at least keep some kind of friendship bond, o.k. get hobbies, and allow one another to be individual and have space to breathe just appreciate that you have a buddy if you need one, like if you get sick, man o man at least appreciate that. people need people. Forget about all that lust, sex crap, you have already had that now you are going to need some one you can depend on when the shit hits the fan. Think about it.
Every one needs love and affection and to feel like a attractive woman and you don't get that love and respect it destroys you, the loneliness is so bad, I know, my partner as not function for 12 years, he says he love's me but doesn't show, my life is sad. 😢🇬🇧
@@maggieboo8142 you are needed and wonderful even if your husband doesn't show it. I could teach you ways to improve you and hopeful improve the situation. Like you need to change your subconscious mind. We think negative so long our brains start getting wired that way. Start writing in a gratitude journal every night, list one thing positive about him. Every morning, you decide what your day is going to be. This is going to be fun, I'm going to clean this and it's going to look awesome! I'm excited to see this person. You also need to stay in your power and get out of the blame him or others for your failures. Will it fix him? Maybe but it will make you a lot happier. I could teach you other helps. Best wishes. I'm not a coach just want the best for you.
Maggie Jenkins I hope things get better for you. Start making yourself happy. Do things that you enjoy without your husband. Plan outings with friends and family. If you don’t have friends, make some. Don’t live your life waiting for him to make you happy.
I’m going through a divorce right now because of this very reason. 20 years is a long time to be with someone and the change is going to be really hard but I think it’s necessary. The good news is we have no kids and our finances are in order to facilitate a reasonable split. It hurts no matter what....
Some people just should not be married - I never thought that on my wedding day it would be the beginning of the end with someone putting away with no overall change in our lives other than someone being growing distance without any conversation or interest in changing. I feel your pain.
Wishing 32 myself! only if I can take what I know now with me , don't want to do it again without that information. happy to have my children and grandchildren though.never change that for anything! I still love my husband too, it's just hard now and it shouldn't be.
I feel like this is an inevitable conclusion to most marriages. When people get together at first they are excited, and sex is passionate. Their partner is a bit mysterious, and have a facade. After a while, kids and career bog everything down, which is normal. The sex become a bit dull as the novelty wears off, and the mysterious facade comes off and the partner is revealed as a broken individual. The alpha is not really alpha, the bad boy isn't really a bad boy. Same with the woman. Eventually every mystery is solved, and the spouse becomes boring and predictable, and we become less interested in them. We don't mean to, but it just happens and more effort is required. Its impossible not to become less attractive to your spouse. Add on all this guy is saying and you have a completely dull life. This is why so many people seem to come alive again after a divorce.
@@Lilac914 THAT IS TRUE....And I should have put that aspect in my comment. I have been married a long time. We have been through a lot. Much of what I wrote above is true to my experience. But as family ages, and inlaws start relying on both biological and inlaw children, there is a new level of maturity. Much of the novelty is all bullshit. Enjoy it while you have it, but appreciate the stability long term marriage brings. So kudos. To walk away is in many cases STUPID and childish.
@@Lambdamale. the best thing that worked for me, my GF had here own place a few blocks from me,i had my own place she worked 3to 11 mon- fri.early every morning she would come over & we would enjoy one anothers company cook breakfast together ,go shopping she go to work, call me at lunch break,get off of work go to her house call me talk a while ,go to sleep,next day same thing, we wernt.right on top of each other all the time so the love didnt die,we d one that for 20.yrs never got tired of each other
This is so me. After a really tough few years, I asked my husband today ...can you try to be there for me, I really need you. Only to receive a response stating "I can try but don't expect it everyday". In 8 years he's never said I'm beautiful. He's actually made side comments that have cut deeper than a knife. But with this being my 2nd marriage, I almost feel like this is karma for how I was to my ex husband which I was very young and more dedicated to my career than being a wife. Now I'm with the most heartless human being.
Philly G Same here, im in my second marriage, my first husband was a cheater so I left him, my current husband is loyal, but not loving, we’ve been married for 10 years and I don’t think he’s ever said “ I love you” once. It’s such a sad and lonely marriage, torn between staying or leaving.
Unfortunately the second you tell a women you love her and are attracted to her she loses attraction because you’ve placed her above you. Did all that garbage and was totally taken for granted.
Yep...karma. my soon to be ex is about to be in the same situation because I guess other things are more important than our marriage. I literally have been physically and mentally ill trying to make this work.
Reality for myself is...yes I'm going through this like most. I dont see myself getting out of this and looking for another. My realization is I need to exit this marriage and I NEED to work on me and find out why I attracted a liar and a narcissist.
Loyalty , love and accountability are foreign concepts to females. They are only loyal to the extent her options allow her to be.The moment she finds what she thinks has a better option she will be gone.
I feel so bad for everyone who is in a loveless marriage. I realize that we must have issues too because we have stayed and allowed it for so long. A lot of my reason is because of religious reasons. We do have to realize that "feelings" can't be our leaders.
Makes me wonder just how good our parents and grandparents marriage actually was. Was it a roommate situation more than we think, and they just stayed together for comforts sake.
Hard to tell. I'm pretty sure my parents loved each other. (based on their behavior toward each other) But especially if you go back in time when women were more financially dependent upon men, then yeah, it was probably very accepted that a real "connection" wasn't always part of the mix. It wasn't always an expectation.
80/20 rule people. Your wife/husband is giving you 80 percent in your marriage, then here come this gorgeous woman/man that gives you the 20 percent you've been missing in your marriage. Wow you say! This is what I need, so you leave 80 percent to be with 20 perecent and realize you've made the biggest mistake of your life. Appreciate what you've got in your spouse. Talk to each other. Men you need to compromise and listen to your girl, and woman you need to take care of your man in love and sex. People, you need to stop being selfish and takw care of each other. Marriage is work every single day!!!! It's NEVER easy but theres a reason you've married each other. Get back to that reason or reasons. Im praying fpr all of you. Good luck and god bless!!
Nailed it. I married out of logic because previous relationships were unstable (but great in bed) but yes I have a stable man who is a functioning alcoholic with E.D. I dragged him to counseling and he straight up said he didn't think there's any problem and he never went back. Now I try to focus on me but he's much like a little child who sees his mom on the phone and makes all sorts of excuses to get attention back on him.
What about those husbands who are just content to drift. Refuses to row...have gone over the falls and end up shipwrecked over and over. More emotion for a stupid football game than anything else in life.
Let’s be honest. This is pretty normal and expected . There’s actually nothing bad about this type of relationship. Why? Because it goes against human nature to force the constant butterflies and fireworks that most of us associate with romantic love. Even overt appreciation, interest and affection. People just can’t sustain those kinds of honeymooney feeling for years. It’s exhausting. The answer to marital unhappiness is not necessarily to get divorced, but to do what makes you happy. YOU make YOU happy.
Advice for the single people. Take a least couple years to know if this is right not a decade of course. Believe me I've spoken to my husband so many times about how I feel. I am dang tired. Don't know anymore. I have no outside support as well. I'm lost and praying for some answer.
I’m old. Seen tons of divorce. 80% of remarried couples say they wouldn’t have divorced if they’d known the stark reality that they’d look back someday to see where they went wrong in the first marriage. The second marriage turned out to be a struggle too. We’re all flawed. Hindsight does wonders. Divorce is the right thing some of the time, but not nearly as much as the rate of divorce. Almost all my divorced friends admit that being alone after divorce is definitely worse than being roommates in a marriage. It’s almost impossible to get both spouses to be all in all the time. Usually, when one is all in the other is checked out, and then down the road the roles reverse. But….keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep holding on if you can.
Nah. You have to learn to be ok with being alone. That’s different than being “lonely”. Learn this, grow from it, and maybe find another expanded soul to hang out with. We dont need to be codependent ❤
even better! making it part of the school curriculum that children must go to therapy once a week, or have some sort of self discovery classes in these years probably would really change dynamics of marriages later in history. Also, see domestic violence, drug abuse, decrease, and other crimes!
Kat nia Please. We don't even want to feed poor kids school lunch without making them clean up the cafeteria. This would be wonderful and it's SO needed, but Americans pay for this with out tax dollars? Surely you jest.
Kat nia Please. We don't even want to feed poor kids school lunch without making them clean up the cafeteria. This would be wonderful and it's SO needed, but Americans pay for this with out tax dollars? Surely you jest.
In the process of building a family and paying bills, we had to forgo and push back the romance of those heydays when we were so madly in love and lusting for each other that we decided that we need to seal this love through an official union - marriage. After years of being together, we forget to unroll our sleeves and look at each other as we fid when we first met. We need to remember how our adrenaline rushed and we smiled with such pleasure at the prospect of being able to be together. We must look at each other and remember the pleasure of just being alone, not even talking, just enjoying the togetherness of the moment. U need to stop all the hustle and bustle and mundane chores and silence and hug and kiss each other, think how u took every opportunity to touch each other, like gently sweeping her hair from her face when a little wisp fell over her face, or she just pulling straight your collar, or just whatever people in love just want to do to feel each other. Just because u can freely touch each other now, u do not have to do it. We still have the same feelings as when we first met, we like to be hugged or kissed, or just feel the gentle touch, the way we felt so appreciated when in the courtship days. Well, do not let the freedom to do so under the marriage licence to stop u repeating those endearing touch for each other. Save enough money, if u need to, and dress up and take each other out for a good night out or lunch, night is more romantic. Save that money, if u have to, for a rose or his favourite nuts or whatever u used to think of when u were courting, perhaps a ticket to a sporting match, with u, girls; remember, do not say we save some money if I do not go: the point is to renew your romance and u need to be there to romance with in the first place, even if he has eyes only for the match and may not show that u are with him. Hold his arm now and then and let him feel your presence. Do not say anything to remind him that u are there - let him enjoy the game; he knows u are there. Go to bed together, but think how much u wanted each other when u were courting, now enjoy the freedom of not feeling guilty or restricted because u were not married yet. Enjoy now that u can freely love and give to each other during this time. Rediscover, look again at the body that u longed for and loved during courtship and here u both are, so free now to show each other the love u wanted to show when u were not so free to love. Now u can give so freely, enjoy that freedom and not regard it as old hat; nothing is old, our feelings for love is always alive and kicking. Each of u need to look at each other as the beautiful human being that by the grace of God, u are able to live and work and love in the peace and protection of your home without prying eyes and criticism, when u can relax and be yourself and still be loved and respected and have joy and be lazy as well when u choose to. It is never a lived in room-mate, it is both giving your bodies, your joys, your frustration, your labours, your personal beauty and emotions, your likes and dislikes, your personal smells, whether perfumed or your personal testosterone or progesterone, your smiles, the sounds of your voices and laughter, your tears, your styles, your body pains, your off days or sickness, the times u sacrifice for each other, the children, if any, the mutual friends and family, the gatherings u had, so many things that a room-mate can never give. Give yourselves a hug and a kiss and make it lively snd romantic snd beautiful again. The beautiful garden u see in someone's garden is cultivated with hard work before enjoyment is assured; Do the same in your garden which is your home, your spouse. If u let the weeds grow, u feel the way u feel now. U can make your garden as beautiful as u want it. It is individual work; so it is in your marriage, u make a beautiful marriage for yourself, no one can do it but u; it is your garden. Do not pluck from others' garden. Tend to your own and u will always enjoy your marriage. U need to work at it constantly like the seasons in a garden and u both get to enjoy the benefits of your constant hard work. A hug and a kiss always work. Enjoy the love and benefits of making your marriage the heaven on earth, the garden u tended yearly for the beauty that all can see. Do not take the cowardly, heartbreaking divorce solution; it does not give happiness and all your life, u wonder how beautiful it could have been.
So Jill should change and hope that Jack improves? Or are you implying that once Jill changes, Jack’s behavior will no longer trouble her? My question: how does either resolution satisfy marriage. God said, it’s not good for man to be alone” and then created a woman to be his helpmate and company. If Jack simply pays the bills, but is of no comfort to Jill, then the purpose of which she was created can’t be fulfilled. If they can’t pray together, encourage one another, love one another, or even be next to one another... it’s not good for man to be alone. Move on 👉🏽
My parents and my husband’s parents were in loyal but loveless marriages. Now I am in a loyal and loveless marriage. We are roommates. We live separate lives. We parent and pay the bills. I keep telling myself that I will be free once my son is grown and out of the house. Now I see how my mom felt. It’s not love, it’s a business arrangement. We don’t even sleep in the same bed. Be careful who you choose to share your life with. I had no idea this was the life I chose.
Omg this is my life. 22 years married and we are two strangers. We haven't been out together socialising in years. I have a set of friends that he is not part off. He sits and drinks every night and I just go to bed. We don't have sex nor do I want too. We don't even argue anymore, that's how loveless is. Every other couple seems happy or is this most marriages?
Interesting... I was in a loveless sexless marriage of loyalty for sixteen years. I didn't see these traits line up so well but then again alcohol was involved...
Reading through the comments with all of the people noting that this is what their marriage is like. I'm sorry. A divorce is certainly an option but I REALLY hope people were listening to what this guy said. Work on yourself, seek help. He did not say leave the B ***** now!
This is because of the stupid idea that divorce somehow means I'm a failure. There is nothing wrong with divorce! Divorce makes unhappy people free to find their happiness - how is that a failure? We should NOT be loyal to marriage. We should be loyal to making a priority of STAYING HAPPY for ourselves and for our partners no matter what: together or apart BUT HAPPY. Love is when you wish the other person happiness (together or not). Love is NOT when you wish the other person to be with you always (happy or not). The latter is not love because it's based on fear of being alone - it's codependency. True love cares for your happiness and not controls your dwelling by putting a leash on you.
I come from a culture (and a forced practitioner of) a cruelty called “arranged marriage”. I was brought up and was expected to live that way. Looking back, I feel that it was the worst thing ever happened to me. With kids now, I am neck deep into this incompatible life. Don’t know what to do?
You seems to have a clearer understanding of the situation than most of us. Yes, leaving is easier said than done. For me, right now I need to run run from a 'great' marriage in order to save my mental health! I hope this helps.
Im just seting here thinking how very fortunate i am Not being married,& naturally no kids thank God, many of my guy friends tell me what they experiance being married,sounds like a train wreck, 3 have comited suicide over bad. marrages, some start crying..& can hardly stop crying, people ask me are you married i say,"No im still happy" and they laugh,as in "I can dig it" some times i just stop and think ,"my life could have ended up as a disaster,thank you God for leading & guiding me along the path. I couldn't. Have made that good of choices by my self.
My husband and I have grown apart. He prefers to sleep on the sofa. He shows no affection to me. When I express my frustration he calls me crazy which triggers panic attacks. We are roommates and I hate it. I know he will never change. I feel so alone. I have begun to resent him.
Sexless loveless marriage...4yrs I suggested counselling ... He won't, that was 2yrs ago. Now I couldn't care less !!!! Should never have stayed together let alone got married....!!!!!
I really think people get married on a whim and for the wrong reasons. Why don’t couples go to a marriage course/ counselling BEFORE the marriage? When you’re young, you don’t yet know what life could throw at you. The stress life could potentially put on a relationship. Financial, having children, loosing jobs, vacations, etc. Learn about each other before entering into a 50 year marriage. Goodness, it really should never be taken lightly. I made this mistake myself. When a man or woman does chores around the house, do it for yourself first. It won’t feel like a chore then. When you’re on your own, you do it for yourself. It’s nobody’s job to make you happy. You should be happy and fulfilled in yourself. Only then will you be able to offer anything meaningful to someone else.
Don’t have any love?? DIVORCE !! I wouldn’t live with a guy that I have no feelings for. I was planning to get married again and backed off three weeks ago for the same reason. NOT IN LOVE!!
So your vow is MEANINGLESS? I thought it was “for better or worse”? Why bet if you really don’t have to pay? I always find it funny how some people want the mysterious dedication at all cost, and then flip it in the trash as if it is just a set of meaningless words.
My husband is more emotional intimate towards our maid than me it really hurts me whenever I tried to reason him it always ends in arguement but because of the kids i don't know what else to do rather than stuck in the marriage.
Not married, in long term relationship with possibility of marriage, assuming it doesn't go down the drain soon. It's stale, not even sure if it's worth saving.
Anyone else hit 🤙🏾 As soon they hear that himself doesn’t know how unhappy he is????? Lol am excited about the whole video since it’s sound like my life
So many marriages are totally almost unbearable. My wife have known so many people with lousy marriages. why oh why do people get married when it just does not work.?? We are old and most of the time just keep to ourselves, her world, my world, it's to late to change.
Tesha Miller update... I’ve been thinking about leaving and all my stuff so I had a big garage sale on the weekend and made a couple hundred bucks. He saw it as serious and opened up communication and it might get better.
Omg!!! Im a Jill....wow...i knew i wasnt healthy but had no idea it was so common . Eirie..i have chills....every single detail describes my entire existance!!!!
Most people are not willing to seriously put the work into it, so both sides benefit. Too often it is weak men, who are trapped, willing to accept or settle into a routine and just ride it out. The social pressure to “man up” and deal with the “ups and downs” of marriage are expected and assumed. I am being optimistic when I state “maybe” 10% of marriages are actually fulfilling for both sides. If the current legal ramifications were updated to the 21st century and make it fair on both sides, most marriages would not last 5 years.
@@kimberlyrathburn2443 the problem with social media is comparison. Most of the problems in marriages nowadays boil down to jealousy, lust, and mimicking of others on social media.
I know we’re both unhappy. My husband grew up in a very unloving home vs me. His mom showers him with material things which the longer we are married the more he does the same to me. I have returned almost all items he’s purchased and told him this isn’t my idea of happiness. I’ve written letters, I’ve broken down in front of him, I’ve spoken with him, I’ve yelled I’ve done it all. At this point I’m so tired but I still love him. I try to hide my tears but the other day my 4 year old son, asked me “momma why does daddy make you cry”.
J Lau I’m sorry for you as well. I pray for better days. For now I am finally starting to work on myself a bit. I start my day with watching motivational videos.
These problems often happen when the woman marries a man that is "safe" and "stable" and then she has no physical or emotional attraction for him... and he knows it.
I personally view therapy and counseling as a complete waste of time. Why do I need someone else’s opinion on how to improve my relationship ? If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. You can’t force someone to change their ways if they’re like that.
My husband only knows how to go out of his way for his family. Now my kid has the nerve to blame me for breaking our family; as if nothing is a big deal to live like this.
My wife is great at going to work and always being upset about everything thing causing a depressed sad existence for me I can't life this way I am a very happy and outgoing person she's bringing me down it's been 8 year and I don't want to marry her now
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
The last 2 yrs of my loveless marriage my husband and I slept in the same bed but at opposite ends!!!! We"d Pat each other's feet. Goodnight!!!! It felt. Akward and too intimate sleeping in in normal way. Because we weren't in. Love!!! He was like a. Mean, cruel. Father figure and it felt like insest can and can't I felt like the dumb stupid teenager!!! Ugh
OH MY GOD! I'm reading this and my mouth falls open because this is my situation too. I started sleeping at the foot of the bed, since there is NO intimacy. I thought, " why keep pretending?" I also cut off hugs and kisses...I see no use in doing all that and there not be an "end result" coming. May I ask...did you initiate filing the paperwork to leave or your spouse? I'm heading in that direction and any feedback has been helping me!
It's been years for us, my wife got sick and we just stopped, plus I was always working nights, I don't look at other women or entertain anything i should not, I also spent a lot of years away ,so I pray and ask for help ,and yes it helps, I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage, we both have had other marriages, and we are now good friends ,she has my back, and I have hers, I thank God I'm still healthy, my actions are very physically hard, so I keep in shape, I am very thankful for many things, God ( Jesus) is good all the time, and my greatest desire is to love the lord Jesus with all my heart and tell others of Jesus, and my wife wants to know Jesus and be baptized, soon, so we don't want other things, we both have many grandchildren, so sex is not important any more, I hope the best for all of you, life is still good,
I wish I would have learned that the institution of marriage was a lie instead of how it's portrayed. I could have saved myself 20+ years and been better off.
Get help you rebuild a connection with your spouse, go on Dates, flirt, give compliments to each other, smile, deep hugs, one on one conversations, therapy if you need it, sometimes it's miniscule problems or the way you speak to each other or the things you do or say. Explore all the options to save your marriage and once you've done it all and none of it works divorce
It's likely both. If you just use people to fill a gap, then you aren't capable of loving. You are so busy on trying to make yourself feel loved that you lack any capacity to love other people. It's called narcissism.
All I heard here was that the spouse who does the right things is a bad guy, and the spouse who is having an emotional affair is a poor victim. Jack does everything right, but he needs to change everything. Jill hates her husband and wants to cheat, but she doesn't have to do anything.
Reading through the comments and seeing how many people can relate to this makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not alone. Thanks for being honest y’all!
Same here Abigail x
Yes Abigail, you are not alone. We are trying to recover from this.
This is wonderful advice. The trick is to need each other but not too much. To be able to be a couple, yet be an individual. Keeping a marriage intact or long-term relationship is just like keeping your body intact or your mind you must exercise it frequently and pay attention to all the signs that it could be starting to fail you.
The thing that attracts us to someone, many times ends up makes us repeal someone. I.e. “I feel so secure with him” at times ends up equaling “I am so bored” years later. It’s not a game it’s just human nature.
Best part? The realization you are not alone with this.
I think this is most marriages. There loyal, but truly don’t love each there just used to each other. More like roommates than anything. I’m going through that right now. See her more like a roommate than my wife.
I hope everything works out
Divorce then. Gosh, I don’t understand how people stay in a marriage when there is no love. Roommate?? Well, you can still divorce and have a roommate and pay half of your rent , mortgage, cine back home in peace. Without having to look at someone’s face everyday. Can’t stand sharing my organized and clean room with a messy person , that’s why I divorced.
I understand how you feel. This is horrible!
@@heather4089 Life is difficult to navigate without a partner and when you've been with someone for decades and have kids, it's tough to leave; it's your family! :/
It's easy to think this way when you are surrounded by 'bad' marriages. In my family I was lucky to see what good relationships are like. They are very happy, laughing, no fights (don't always agree, but calmly discuss it), same values/goals/interests. They are like best friends and very happy together even after 10, 15, 20 years. Because they didn't jump to marry the first person who came along, but waited for someone compatible. I'm lucky that I have those examples or I would have settled like a lot of people do.
Too many people panic and rush to get married after only 2-3 years dating. They marry because of fear rather than love. Or they marry for money/lifestyle (more women than men) and get love elsewhere.
If you aren't happy, then get divorced and find someone compatible. Kids who grow up with both parents but parents who clearly dislike one another will learn to copy the same in their own relationships. It's better to give them an example of friends who can amicably co-parent under two roofs. Kids are very perceptive. They will pick up on how you really feel and internalise this as their 'normal' when they are adults.
Relationships are so complicated. In a marriage you need intimacy, respect & commitment. You have to choose that person every day & keep the love alive. Never get complacent.
Wow. You really nailed my marriage in a nutshell. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. I'm only 33 so I feel like I'm too young to feel so alone. I can't imagine feeling this way forever. We both live our family and each other but there is no intimacy anymore. So very sad.
Same here, MoonGluc. :( I'm 45 and should have gotten out when i was 33. I may have had a chance to have the children i always wanted. Hope things are better for you now.
Try that for over 45 years, or more! This has been extremely common, because partners believe deeply, that married people are obligated to stick together, to work out whatever issues. They started out in love, but that seemed to get lost along the way as Life imposed daily stresses and events.
Those who stick-it-out-together despite not feeling closeness or love, see something of value in the relationship, worth sticking together for, that is greater for the parties involved, than splitting could provide.
Thing is, one must find ways to awaken the original love..it won't be exactly the same; it often is deeper. There are things both can do with each other, to help rebuild that.
Sorry, I know it hurts.
You have to leave.
You might be "depressed"
My marriage has turned into house arrest.....and having kids is the only glue holding me back from divorce.After 25 hard years most of them have been boring and lonely.We try not to get into each others way to avoid fights and our discussions are only children based. Leaving is not an option for many reasons so we both roll with the punches and try to be peacefull.STUCK is the only wordto discribe it.....I miss passion,kissing,buying gifts,feeling excited around someone,and them excited about me.....I hope this Jerry Wise reads this and can help me
Have you tried taking her out to dinner? Buying her gifts? Kissing her passionately? Giving her compliments? Taking the first steps to change your marriage? Even if right now you don’t necessarily feel like doing it (maybe because of the feeling of “well why should i? She should do it for me!”) do it anyway & see what happens. That spark or the feelings you get when around someone in the beginning always fade. It takes work to keep a relationship alive.
Kyla? That’s a guys name?
Wow, this is totally my marriage; we've been married for 22 years and I'm 42. It hurts so bad because I had my soul before I meet my husband. My fiance died in a car accident, so I know what true loves feel like. So to have had it and lost it through death, kills even more.
@@shanellpride2377i’m so sorry ❤
After 25 years, the thrill is definitely gone
My ex once told me that we would "just have to content ourselves with having a loveless marriage."
I said, "You might- I won't."
Life is too sacred and short. Good for you for not settling. Best ❤️🕯🙏
Marriage licenses should be like any other license, renew or not to renew... That is the question....
John Banik That would make it too simple now wouldn't it?
That’s a great idea
My parents prenuped to evaluate every 5 years. On the 30 year mark they parted as life long friends.
@@krazihorce44 so @ year 25 everything was ok?
John Banik brilliant
I never married. Best decision I have ever made. Freedom from all this plus no laws or marriage contract held over me.
I was married once but it ended due to her being bipolar and abusive to my daughter and I. Even though it was toxic, I recognized very early that marriage is way harder than most people think. I further believe most people are not equipped for it because of the demands and expectations.
@stormchaser419 I married for a very very short time, didnt like it,got devorsed, so glad to get my sanity back, I'll never want to go there again. Now my house is nice and.quiet very relaxing,when i was married i didnt even come.home i hated the place, the fee for the devorse was worth every penny, i think that was a wonderfull move. All that stupid stuff just came to a screeching halt like a train wreck ,what a bargain
I feel this 💯... I'm a lonely man and my wife is lonely...we are trapped together loyally but can't stand each other...we have grown so far apart...no attraction from her to me...I hope she cheats and leaves...I don't have the confidence to file...I am a co dependant individual...I realize how sick this condition is...
mumbus 27 hope you find peace and move on
@@rachelsweets bless you my sista....
@@mumbus272 loanly? = lonely. Lonely is the right spelling....
Sometimes I feel the same, I wish he cheated
Damn I feel like this is too common
Dang. When i saw this title it hit me like a ton of bricks. 2 kids and absolutely loveless. We gear up the will but, fizzles out. Allowing myself to walk away from it literally set me free.
Im planning to leave him i just need to save.. Im secretly making business. Coz he doesnt want me to be financially independent..
He always controll eveything in our life.. My kids knows whats goin on. I feel so sad coz our kids says mommy no separate kids. Me and my brother live with u. Take us mum..
It breaks my heart...
I just need a lil bit more time and wait when kids are in hs. Then we leave him..
I am reading these comments and I can not stop crying, omg, I am not the only one😢
Yes, Dr. we do see a lot of these kind of marriages around us, especially in the baby boomer/ X generation. It is sad but true.
My marriage dissolved after 25 years...he just couldn't catch up, where I've evolved in becoming a better person through self love and self development.
When 1 partner refuses to change, the marriage is doomed.
Am going through this😢
Truth!
Or if the other spouse evolves in a completely different direction
I think you are speaking to me- Evolved in becoming a better person.
Agreed...he refuses to grow, no matter how I try to encourage it. I feel like I regress around him, feel worthless and depressed due to his verbal abuse that I have learned to recognize. He refuses to change. It breaks my heart.
I also don't want the kids to think this is normal or healthy. :(
Most marriages are loveless, but try not to allow the marriage to become friendless. really try to at least keep some kind of friendship bond, o.k. get hobbies, and allow one another to be individual and have space to breathe just appreciate that you have a buddy if you need one, like if you get sick, man o man at least appreciate that. people need people. Forget about all that lust, sex crap, you have already had that now you are going to need some one you can depend on when the shit hits the fan. Think about it.
If you’re friends in a marriage it shouldn’t be loveless. The bible says a friend Loveth at all times Proverbs 17:17
Sounds awful. And fake. I'm good
Every one needs love and affection and to feel like a attractive woman and you don't get that love and respect it destroys you, the loneliness is so bad, I know, my partner as not function for 12 years, he says he love's me but doesn't show, my life is sad. 😢🇬🇧
@@maggieboo8142 you are needed and wonderful even if your husband doesn't show it. I could teach you ways to improve you and hopeful improve the situation. Like you need to change your subconscious mind. We think negative so long our brains start getting wired that way. Start writing in a gratitude journal every night, list one thing positive about him. Every morning, you decide what your day is going to be. This is going to be fun, I'm going to clean this and it's going to look awesome! I'm excited to see this person. You also need to stay in your power and get out of the blame him or others for your failures. Will it fix him? Maybe but it will make you a lot happier. I could teach you other helps. Best wishes. I'm not a coach just want the best for you.
Maggie Jenkins I hope things get better for you. Start making yourself happy. Do things that you enjoy without your husband. Plan outings with friends and family. If you don’t have friends, make some. Don’t live your life waiting for him to make you happy.
I’m going through a divorce right now because of this very reason. 20 years is a long time to be with someone and the change is going to be really hard but I think it’s necessary. The good news is we have no kids and our finances are in order to facilitate a reasonable split. It hurts no matter what....
👏 wish you the best. You're worth it and life's too short. 😊
This guy totally understands my situation.. it's safe and stable
You’ve just described my marriage! I feel so lonely and unhappy...
Some people just should not be married - I never thought that on my wedding day it would be the beginning of the end with someone putting away with no overall change in our lives other than someone being growing distance without any conversation or interest in changing. I feel your pain.
This makes me feel better about being single.
I wish I could go back 20 years!
Wishing 32 myself! only if I can take what I know now with me , don't want to do it again without that information. happy to have my children and grandchildren though.never change that for anything! I still love my husband too, it's just hard now and it shouldn't be.
Stay single!!!!
If you want to be happy don't marry...
Yet we get dragged and called Cat Lady if we choose not get married.
I feel like this is an inevitable conclusion to most marriages. When people get together at first they are excited, and sex is passionate. Their partner is a bit mysterious, and have a facade. After a while, kids and career bog everything down, which is normal. The sex become a bit dull as the novelty wears off, and the mysterious facade comes off and the partner is revealed as a broken individual. The alpha is not really alpha, the bad boy isn't really a bad boy. Same with the woman. Eventually every mystery is solved, and the spouse becomes boring and predictable, and we become less interested in them. We don't mean to, but it just happens and more effort is required.
Its impossible not to become less attractive to your spouse. Add on all this guy is saying and you have a completely dull life.
This is why so many people seem to come alive again after a divorce.
Yes. But then after a while they look back and start appreciating what they lost 😆 it’s human nature to keep wanting novelty and excitement
@@Lilac914 THAT IS TRUE....And I should have put that aspect in my comment. I have been married a long time. We have been through a lot. Much of what I wrote above is true to my experience. But as family ages, and inlaws start relying on both biological and inlaw children, there is a new level of maturity. Much of the novelty is all bullshit. Enjoy it while you have it, but appreciate the stability long term marriage brings.
So kudos. To walk away is in many cases STUPID and childish.
@@Lambdamale. the best thing that worked for me, my GF had here own place a few blocks from me,i had my own place she worked 3to 11 mon- fri.early every morning she would come over & we would enjoy one anothers company cook breakfast together ,go shopping she go to work, call me at lunch break,get off of work go to her house call me talk a while ,go to sleep,next day same thing, we wernt.right on top of each other all the time so the love didnt die,we d one that for 20.yrs never got tired of each other
This is so me. After a really tough few years, I asked my husband today ...can you try to be there for me, I really need you. Only to receive a response stating "I can try but don't expect it everyday". In 8 years he's never said I'm beautiful. He's actually made side comments that have cut deeper than a knife. But with this being my 2nd marriage, I almost feel like this is karma for how I was to my ex husband which I was very young and more dedicated to my career than being a wife. Now I'm with the most heartless human being.
Philly G I’m so sorry. My marriage is ok , but no intimacy at all. You should leave so you can be happy.
Philly G Same here, im in my second marriage, my first husband was a cheater so I left him, my current husband is loyal, but not loving, we’ve been married for 10 years and I don’t think he’s ever said “ I love you” once. It’s such a sad and lonely marriage, torn between staying or leaving.
Unfortunately the second you tell a women you love her and are attracted to her she loses attraction because you’ve placed her above you. Did all that garbage and was totally taken for granted.
Yep...karma. my soon to be ex is about to be in the same situation because I guess other things are more important than our marriage. I literally have been physically and mentally ill trying to make this work.
Sorry to hear that. Did he court you or did you court him in the very beginning of the relationship?
Reality for myself is...yes I'm going through this like most. I dont see myself getting out of this and looking for another. My realization is I need to exit this marriage and I NEED to work on me and find out why I attracted a liar and a narcissist.
Kelly Razi I am in the same boat
Often times its the narcissist who seeks you put because you're an empath
Same situation for me right now
"She is attracted to men who don't look at their deep issues, who don't look at themselves." Are there any men who look at themselves? : /
Julie Meibaum I don’t think so....they wouldn’t like what they see.
The men watching this. They are the ones who are trying to learn and improve themselves. It goes both ways.
There are, as I do. And there are more & more of us awakening all the time.
@@justincoats7236 thank you Justin, for growing & maturing too.
@@ZBXL22222 Oh, is there some better way to build a marriage than one based in Christ? Please illuminate.
Loyal but loveless,exactly.
Loyalty , love and accountability are foreign concepts to females. They are only loyal to the extent her options allow her to be.The moment she finds what she thinks has a better option she will be gone.
I feel so bad for everyone who is in a loveless marriage. I realize that we must have issues too because we have stayed and allowed it for so long. A lot of my reason is because of religious reasons.
We do have to realize that "feelings" can't be our leaders.
Makes me wonder just how good our parents and grandparents marriage actually was.
Was it a roommate situation more than we think, and they just stayed together for comforts sake.
Hard to tell. I'm pretty sure my parents loved each other. (based on their behavior toward each other) But especially if you go back in time when women were more financially dependent upon men, then yeah, it was probably very accepted that a real "connection" wasn't always part of the mix. It wasn't always an expectation.
Marriages years ago lasted nomatter what. Divorce was never in their vocabulary. Especially Irish Catholics, you hang in their regardless.
Yes. And financial reasons.
Probably
This is absolutely my marriage
Hortense Dandridge
.
80/20 rule people. Your wife/husband is giving you 80 percent in your marriage, then here come this gorgeous woman/man that gives you the 20 percent you've been missing in your marriage. Wow you say! This is what I need, so you leave 80 percent to be with 20 perecent and realize you've made the biggest mistake of your life. Appreciate what you've got in your spouse. Talk to each other. Men you need to compromise and listen to your girl, and woman you need to take care of your man in love and sex. People, you need to stop being selfish and takw care of each other. Marriage is work every single day!!!! It's NEVER easy but theres a reason you've married each other. Get back to that reason or reasons. Im praying fpr all of you. Good luck and god bless!!
Jerry lift the camera up to eye level
Nailed it. I married out of logic because previous relationships were unstable (but great in bed) but yes I have a stable man who is a functioning alcoholic with E.D. I dragged him to counseling and he straight up said he didn't think there's any problem and he never went back. Now I try to focus on me but he's much like a little child who sees his mom on the phone and makes all sorts of excuses to get attention back on him.
My marriage exactly...
@@kathrynkrieger7644 Hi Dear, Would be very nice to get to know .. if you don't mind I'd love to get your mail handle !
but you're perfect right?
Wow!! This is exactly what we are experiencing to a T! Thank your for sharing your videos!!! I truly get a lot from them!
What about those husbands who are just content to drift. Refuses to row...have gone over the falls and end up shipwrecked over and over. More emotion for a stupid football game than anything else in life.
One of the key perks to me not being married is being able to get drunk in peace ,I do enjoy a lot of aspects of life also
Blame is rarely one-sided. If it ends I will try not to be bitter and to realize that I made mistakes too
Let’s be honest. This is pretty normal and expected . There’s actually nothing bad about this type of relationship. Why? Because it goes against human nature to force the constant butterflies and fireworks that most of us associate with romantic love. Even overt appreciation, interest and affection. People just can’t sustain those kinds of honeymooney feeling for years. It’s exhausting. The answer to marital unhappiness is not necessarily to get divorced, but to do what makes you happy. YOU make YOU happy.
Well, what’s the point of being together? Money? Fear of being alone? Perhaps these are things one needs to look at to grow as a human ❤
Wow I’m so Jill , but I don’t look to other men. I pour my love into my kids and grandkids. How sad for us. True I guess I don’t know who I am ?
I am same as you. Dont have grand kids yet
Thank god for the kids and grandkid.
Stephanie Haines,you deserve better
Start pouring it into your husband
Hi Dear, Would be very nice to get to know .. if you don't mind I'd love to get your mail handle !
Advice for the single people. Take a least couple years to know if this is right not a decade of course. Believe me I've spoken to my husband so many times about how I feel. I am dang tired. Don't know anymore. I have no outside support as well. I'm lost and praying for some answer.
How are you doing now??
I’m old. Seen tons of divorce. 80% of remarried couples say they wouldn’t have divorced if they’d known the stark reality that they’d look back someday to see where they went wrong in the first marriage. The second marriage turned out to be a struggle too. We’re all flawed. Hindsight does wonders. Divorce is the right thing some of the time, but not nearly as much as the rate of divorce. Almost all my divorced friends admit that being alone after divorce is definitely worse than being roommates in a marriage. It’s almost impossible to get both spouses to be all in all the time. Usually, when one is all in the other is checked out, and then down the road the roles reverse. But….keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep holding on if you can.
Nah. You have to learn to be ok with being alone. That’s different than being “lonely”.
Learn this, grow from it, and maybe find another expanded soul to hang out with. We dont need to be codependent ❤
@@alisonf6478 yeah, that’s pretty much moose biscuits. Quitter solace.
even better! making it part of the school curriculum that children must go to therapy once a week, or have some sort of self discovery classes in these years probably would really change dynamics of marriages later in history. Also, see domestic violence, drug abuse, decrease, and other crimes!
Kat nia Please. We don't even want to feed poor kids school lunch without making them clean up the cafeteria. This would be wonderful and it's SO needed, but Americans pay for this with out tax dollars? Surely you jest.
Kat nia Please. We don't even want to feed poor kids school lunch without making them clean up the cafeteria. This would be wonderful and it's SO needed, but Americans pay for this with out tax dollars? Surely you jest.
Kat nia WOW,yes,love good ideas like that x
Or... as their parents we could take the initiative to cultivate a healthy view of self.
This was me and my husband. He would not go to counseling and we divorced.
Ahhh counselling where you pay to bore someone with your problems No solutions just loss of cash
@@boabiewee2548 it helps
Can't do anything with someone who won't put in the work. You did the best you could.
I never heard this before but this is my life. I feel tortured.
Hope you're doing better
Life is way too short to live it UNHAPPILY. It's just THROWING your life away like a drugged out junkie. What a waste of LIFE.
In the process of building a family and paying bills, we had to forgo and push back the romance of those heydays when we were so madly in love and lusting for each other that we decided that we need to seal this love through an official union - marriage. After years of being together, we forget to unroll our sleeves and look at each other as we fid when we first met. We need to remember how our adrenaline rushed and we smiled with such pleasure at the prospect of being able to be together. We must look at each other and remember the pleasure of just being alone, not even talking, just enjoying the togetherness of the moment. U need to stop all the hustle and bustle and mundane chores and silence and hug and kiss each other, think how u took every opportunity to touch each other, like gently sweeping her hair from her face when a little wisp fell over her face, or she just pulling straight your collar, or just whatever people in love just want to do to feel each other. Just because u can freely touch each other now, u do not have to do it. We still have the same feelings as when we first met, we like to be hugged or kissed, or just feel the gentle touch, the way we felt so appreciated when in the courtship days. Well, do not let the freedom to do so under the marriage licence to stop u repeating those endearing touch for each other. Save enough money, if u need to, and dress up and take each other out for a good night out or lunch, night is more romantic. Save that money, if u have to, for a rose or his favourite nuts or whatever u used to think of when u were courting, perhaps a ticket to a sporting match, with u, girls; remember, do not say we save some money if I do not go: the point is to renew your romance and u need to be there to romance with in the first place, even if he has eyes only for the match and may not show that u are with him. Hold his arm now and then and let him feel your presence. Do not say anything to remind him that u are there - let him enjoy the game; he knows u are there. Go to bed together, but think how much u wanted each other when u were courting, now enjoy the freedom of not feeling guilty or restricted because u were not married yet. Enjoy now that u can freely love and give to each other during this time. Rediscover, look again at the body that u longed for and loved during courtship and here u both are, so free now to show each other the love u wanted to show when u were not so free to love. Now u can give so freely, enjoy that freedom and not regard it as old hat; nothing is old, our feelings for love is always alive and kicking. Each of u need to look at each other as the beautiful human being that by the grace of God, u are able to live and work and love in the peace and protection of your home without prying eyes and criticism, when u can relax and be yourself and still be loved and respected and have joy and be lazy as well when u choose to. It is never a lived in room-mate, it is both giving your bodies, your joys, your frustration, your labours, your personal beauty and emotions, your likes and dislikes, your personal smells, whether perfumed or your personal testosterone or progesterone, your smiles, the sounds of your voices and laughter, your tears, your styles, your body pains, your off days or sickness, the times u sacrifice for each other, the children, if any, the mutual friends and family, the gatherings u had, so many things that a room-mate can never give. Give yourselves a hug and a kiss and make it lively snd romantic snd beautiful again. The beautiful garden u see in someone's garden is cultivated with hard work before enjoyment is assured; Do the same in your garden which is your home, your spouse. If u let the weeds grow, u feel the way u feel now. U can make your garden as beautiful as u want it. It is individual work; so it is in your marriage, u make a beautiful marriage for yourself, no one can do it but u; it is your garden. Do not pluck from others' garden. Tend to your own and u will always enjoy your marriage. U need to work at it constantly like the seasons in a garden and u both get to enjoy the benefits of your constant hard work. A hug and a kiss always work. Enjoy the love and benefits of making your marriage the heaven on earth, the garden u tended yearly for the beauty that all can see. Do not take the cowardly, heartbreaking divorce solution; it does not give happiness and all your life, u wonder how beautiful it could have been.
Need the TLDR version
Your thinking is so mature!!give it 💯from ur side!never hassitate to be the prson who love the most!give love ,show love..
Wow thats a lot of very hard work
I thought I was the only one . But going through comments made me realize Iam not alone , there are so many loveless marriages 🙁😕😕
Same here. I thought I was the only one too. 31 yrs. it’s pure self destruction.
Sorry to hear that. You seems to bea wonderful natural beauty😍
@@menopausesucks8522 Hi Dear, Would be very nice to get to know .. if you don't mind I'd love to get your mail handle !
So Jill should change and hope that Jack improves? Or are you implying that once Jill changes, Jack’s behavior will no longer trouble her? My question: how does either resolution satisfy marriage. God said, it’s not good for man to be alone” and then created a woman to be his helpmate and company. If Jack simply pays the bills, but is of no comfort to Jill, then the purpose of which she was created can’t be fulfilled. If they can’t pray together, encourage one another, love one another, or even be next to one another... it’s not good for man to be alone. Move on 👉🏽
My parents and my husband’s parents were in loyal but loveless marriages. Now I am in a loyal and loveless marriage. We are roommates. We live separate lives. We parent and pay the bills. I keep telling myself that I will be free once my son is grown and out of the house. Now I see how my mom felt. It’s not love, it’s a business arrangement. We don’t even sleep in the same bed. Be careful who you choose to share your life with. I had no idea this was the life I chose.
Omg this is my life. 22 years married and we are two strangers. We haven't been out together socialising in years. I have a set of friends that he is not part off. He sits and drinks every night and I just go to bed. We don't have sex nor do I want too. We don't even argue anymore, that's how loveless is. Every other couple seems happy or is this most marriages?
@Mohammed Baba Thankyou ❤️
Interesting... I was in a loveless sexless marriage of loyalty for sixteen years. I didn't see these traits line up so well but then again alcohol was involved...
Dealing with this too only i can't afford to leave right now
Have you considered seeking help? Or determining what role you have in it so that you can help yourself?
Reading through the comments with all of the people noting that this is what their marriage is like. I'm sorry. A divorce is certainly an option but I REALLY hope people were listening to what this guy said. Work on yourself, seek help. He did not say leave the B ***** now!
This is because of the stupid idea that divorce somehow means I'm a failure. There is nothing wrong with divorce! Divorce makes unhappy people free to find their happiness - how is that a failure? We should NOT be loyal to marriage. We should be loyal to making a priority of STAYING HAPPY for ourselves and for our partners no matter what: together or apart BUT HAPPY. Love is when you wish the other person happiness (together or not). Love is NOT when you wish the other person to be with you always (happy or not). The latter is not love because it's based on fear of being alone - it's codependency. True love cares for your happiness and not controls your dwelling by putting a leash on you.
Wow, your comment helped me immensely. Struggling with God's idea of love and marriage. Are you a person of faith?
I come from a culture (and a forced practitioner of) a cruelty called “arranged marriage”.
I was brought up and was expected to live that way. Looking back, I feel that it was the worst thing ever happened to me.
With kids now, I am neck deep into this incompatible life. Don’t know what to do?
You seems to have a clearer understanding of the situation than most of us. Yes, leaving is easier said than done. For me, right now I need to run run from a 'great' marriage in order to save my mental health! I hope this helps.
Im just seting here thinking how very fortunate i am
Not being married,& naturally no kids thank God, many of my guy friends tell me what they experiance being married,sounds like a train wreck, 3 have comited suicide over bad. marrages, some start crying..& can hardly stop crying, people ask me are you married i say,"No im still happy" and they laugh,as in "I can dig it" some times i just stop and think ,"my life could have ended up as a disaster,thank you God for leading & guiding me along the path. I couldn't. Have made that good of choices by my self.
My husband and I have grown apart. He prefers to sleep on the sofa. He shows no affection to me. When I express my frustration he calls me crazy which triggers panic attacks. We are roommates and I hate it. I know he will never change. I feel so alone. I have begun to resent him.
You are free from having to have sex though...
Sexless loveless marriage...4yrs
I suggested counselling ...
He won't, that was 2yrs ago. Now I couldn't care less !!!! Should never have stayed together let alone got married....!!!!!
I'm soooooo unhappy 😭😭😭
I really think people get married on a whim and for the wrong reasons. Why don’t couples go to a marriage course/ counselling BEFORE the marriage? When you’re young, you don’t yet know what life could throw at you. The stress life could potentially put on a relationship. Financial, having children, loosing jobs, vacations, etc. Learn about each other before entering into a 50 year marriage. Goodness, it really should never be taken lightly. I made this mistake myself. When a man or woman does chores around the house, do it for yourself first. It won’t feel like a chore then. When you’re on your own, you do it for yourself. It’s nobody’s job to make you happy. You should be happy and fulfilled in yourself. Only then will you be able to offer anything meaningful to someone else.
When the wife is the cleaner the gardener the cook just a maid
Don’t have any love?? DIVORCE !! I wouldn’t live with a guy that I have no feelings for. I was planning to get married again and backed off three weeks ago for the same reason. NOT IN LOVE!!
Admire you x
So your vow is MEANINGLESS? I thought it was “for better or worse”? Why bet if you really don’t have to pay? I always find it funny how some people want the mysterious dedication at all cost, and then flip it in the trash as if it is just a set of meaningless words.
Smart!!!!
That is us in a nutshell. ☹️ No other relationship outside of marriage but the rest is spot on.
My husband is more emotional intimate towards our maid than me it really hurts me whenever I tried to reason him it always ends in arguement but because of the kids i don't know what else to do rather than stuck in the marriage.
@@mesh164 I am sorry to hear that. It hurts.
Did I tell you my life story?
Not married, in long term relationship with possibility of marriage, assuming it doesn't go down the drain soon. It's stale, not even sure if it's worth saving.
Jessi Abney to ask the question is to already know the answer ;)
I hope you left. Why the hell would you marry into such uncertainty?
Run it will end in divorce if you don't
Me and my husband.
Anyone else hit 🤙🏾 As soon they hear that himself doesn’t know how unhappy he is????? Lol am excited about the whole video since it’s sound like my life
So many marriages are totally almost unbearable. My wife have known so many people with lousy marriages. why oh why do people get married when it just does not work.?? We are old and most of the time just keep to ourselves, her world, my world, it's to late to change.
Just leave!
lyvsix and go where? This house is so full of stuff. How would I get rid of it?
Oh my gosh you sound so miserable and dead inside.
@@livi6440 seriously? You're choosing misery because of "stuff"..... How stupid. Smh
Tesha Miller update...
I’ve been thinking about leaving and all my stuff so I had a big garage sale on the weekend and made a couple hundred bucks. He saw it as serious and opened up communication and it might get better.
Omg!!! Im a Jill....wow...i knew i wasnt healthy but had no idea it was so common . Eirie..i have chills....every single detail describes my entire existance!!!!
Hes like a fly on my wall how did he do that??
any updates?
Alyson Custer yes I’m in the same boat
Im definitely a Jill. Trying to work on it.
Omg me 2
A marriage of mutual convenience.
No affair on my end but the rest of the stuff sounds like my situation.
Sucks to be in this situation. Every love song reminds you of what you don't have...
Hi Dear, Would be very nice to get to know .. if you don't mind I'd love to get your mail handle !
My Grandma Told all the women in Our family that Marriage wasn't every thing ???
Married 25 years... since 1996!!! Still loyal... but looking for affection from my spouse.
Can you reach out to your spouse and make a bold first move?
Wow that’s us. We been together for almost 14 years
Most people are not willing to seriously put the work into it, so both sides benefit. Too often it is weak men, who are trapped, willing to accept or settle into a routine and just ride it out. The social pressure to “man up” and deal with the “ups and downs” of marriage are expected and assumed. I am being optimistic when I state “maybe” 10% of marriages are actually fulfilling for both sides. If the current legal ramifications were updated to the 21st century and make it fair on both sides, most marriages would not last 5 years.
Have you been bugging my house?
mine too
Mine too
@@kimberlyrathburn2443 the problem with social media is comparison. Most of the problems in marriages nowadays boil down to jealousy, lust, and mimicking of others on social media.
I have a marriage like that do feel lonely will rather turn to the One Being I'm grateful for your advice Thank you May u be blessed always
I know we’re both unhappy. My husband grew up in a very unloving home vs me. His mom showers him with material things which the longer we are married the more he does the same to me. I have returned almost all items he’s purchased and told him this isn’t my idea of happiness. I’ve written letters, I’ve broken down in front of him, I’ve spoken with him, I’ve yelled I’ve done it all. At this point I’m so tired but I still love him. I try to hide my tears but the other day my 4 year old son, asked me “momma why does daddy make you cry”.
J Lau I’m sorry for you as well. I pray for better days. For now I am finally starting to work on myself a bit. I start my day with watching motivational videos.
@@emailjosie39 If you have no child...then run now. When there is children involved it's harder to leave.
I am going through the same thing
Thanks for posting this video u have described me and my husband!!
WHAT ABOUT MARRIGES WITH HEALT ISSUE
This describes my marriage exactly
In other words, Flooded but waterless. How depressing.
" We survive together "
This is an interesting comment. I don't recall hearing him say that in the video. Can you elaborate?
If people was honest and not always try to be right learn and do what they say it's a good start
These problems often happen when the woman marries a man that is "safe" and "stable" and then she has no physical or emotional attraction for him... and he knows it.
I personally view therapy and counseling as a complete waste of time. Why do I need someone else’s opinion on how to improve my relationship ? If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. You can’t force someone to change their ways if they’re like that.
My husband only knows how to go out of his way for his family. Now my kid has the nerve to blame me for breaking our family; as if nothing is a big deal to live like this.
I Completely understand 😌
Hi Dear, Would be very nice to get to know .. if you don't mind I'd love to get your mail handle !
My wife is great at going to work and always being upset about everything thing causing a depressed sad existence for me I can't life this way I am a very happy and outgoing person she's bringing me down it's been 8 year and I don't want to marry her now
My marriage is tonight, tomorrow, later. What’s the point?🤔
Getting divorced because of this kind of love! My marriage has become just that, "MY MARRIAGE"!!!!
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
Woh. This is my marriage is to a tee 😳
Dana Hinson, you deserve better
Don't Iove being married, dont love being alone. Don't enjoy life much either way.
The last 2 yrs of my loveless marriage my husband and I slept in the same bed but at opposite ends!!!! We"d Pat each other's feet. Goodnight!!!! It felt. Akward and too intimate sleeping in in normal way. Because we weren't in. Love!!! He was like a. Mean, cruel. Father figure and it felt like insest can and can't I felt like the dumb stupid teenager!!! Ugh
OH MY GOD! I'm reading this and my mouth falls open because this is my situation too. I started sleeping at the foot of the bed, since there is NO intimacy. I thought, " why keep pretending?" I also cut off hugs and kisses...I see no use in doing all that and there not be an "end result" coming. May I ask...did you initiate filing the paperwork to leave or your spouse? I'm heading in that direction and any feedback has been helping me!
@@notthejenfrombackthen679 Hey I'm here for you
OMG .................. Jack is ME!! However, if my wife strayed it would be OVER the second I found out. DONE!!
Exactly where I am at. :(
Cindy J same here..I want a way out
It's been years for us, my wife got sick and we just stopped, plus I was always working nights, I don't look at other women or entertain anything i should not, I also spent a lot of years away ,so I pray and ask for help ,and yes it helps, I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage, we both have had other marriages, and we are now good friends ,she has my back, and I have hers, I thank God I'm still healthy, my actions are very physically hard, so I keep in shape, I am very thankful for many things, God ( Jesus) is good all the time, and my greatest desire is to love the lord Jesus with all my heart and tell others of Jesus, and my wife wants to know Jesus and be baptized, soon, so we don't want other things, we both have many grandchildren, so sex is not important any more, I hope the best for all of you, life is still good,
I wish I would have learned that the institution of marriage was a lie instead of how it's portrayed. I could have saved myself 20+ years and been better off.
Why is that an institution that was suppose to bring joy is causing a lot of pain,regrets,hate &deaths?why?
Yes I ask myself daily… to think now and know everything we’ve been taught was actually opposite.
Wow this totally describes my loveless marriage.
I’m stuck in this situation, and don’t know what to do anymore......
Call the number and get some help or keep reading and learning.
Get help you rebuild a connection with your spouse, go on Dates, flirt, give compliments to each other, smile, deep hugs, one on one conversations, therapy if you need it, sometimes it's miniscule problems or the way you speak to each other or the things you do or say. Explore all the options to save your marriage and once you've done it all and none of it works divorce
My gosh this is us.
Marriage is so over rated
. marrige should end after 5 years but to much to be made on divorces
how do we know if we are the one with the hole in the bucket or if she just never loved her husband ?
It's likely both. If you just use people to fill a gap, then you aren't capable of loving. You are so busy on trying to make yourself feel loved that you lack any capacity to love other people. It's called narcissism.
All I heard here was that the spouse who does the right things is a bad guy, and the spouse who is having an emotional affair is a poor victim. Jack does everything right, but he needs to change everything. Jill hates her husband and wants to cheat, but she doesn't have to do anything.
My husband is like this is doesn't show me love and affection! I don't know what to do?
God bless DR Rorpopor spell on RUclips for helping me to get back my marriage you are the best spell DR .....❣️