Episode 53: Breaking Dysfunctional Patterns
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- All of us have dysfunctional patterns. Along our life journey, we pick up many coping mechanisms or behaviors that no longer serve us. Understanding our patterns is the first step in unlearning them. In this episode, we talk about how these patterns show up in relationships & what you can do to change them.
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Your description of the dysfunctional patterns proves the unconscious ways we pick partners to finish childhood. Your segment was an excellent way of describing it in a more intricate way.
This episode speaks to my FASCINATION with interpersonal communication lately. The energy required to instill that PRESENCE of the receiver and the skill to leverage both that presence and NEED to express from the speaker are in such an interesting dance!
I’ve been engaging in work like this with a dear friend of mine who I’m building a business with. Both old romantic patterning as well as old work patterning are coming up for me and the blend of both of our awarenesses and skillfulness are resulting in a potent fruit salad of emergent authenticity.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC of Marshall Rosenberg) and Clean Language (the works of David Grove and later Caitlin Walker) in particular have been essential tools to the ways we show up to do this work together.
Thank you for speaking into this community, as always, it is a place of enrichment and respite as I walk through my days!
I’m so fortunate, not only did I break the patterns within my family, and move away from that system, but I readily and often see the patterns elsewhere.
Everywhere, frankly.
Awareness/ consciousness > far better choices, far better.
Yes, its is a “cluster” of oft-related behaviors.
Loving your video’s as usual! Can’t wait for it to be Sunday every week!
I would love to have a video on healthy conversations around consequences after somebody having crossed your boundaries. In different shapes and forms. And some examples of consequences other than cutting someone out of your life. And how to come up with these consequences and firmly stand behind them.
I super appreciate the inclusivity of ALL types of relationships! thank you!
After listening to this video, i decided to express my discomfort in the hot and cold pattern of the person i have been dating since i have been a people pleaser for most of my life. It was time to set a boundary and be respected. Although he validated my feelings , he then proceeded in not talking to me at all. even if i tried to check in and talk about it since my tone was a bit upset and coming from a hurt place he didn't answer me at all. It's been a week. I am shameful now to have been expressing my feelings but listening again to this video i choose to believe i did the healthy things. I am not perfect but I'm really trying to heal and get better and bring value to my friends and future partner life. Thank you for these conversations.
Great discussion, really resonates with me at this current time. Keep up the great work. Your sharing is helping me so many people become aware behaviours and patterns that have not severed in relationships
Hi ladies. I’ve commented previously how I love your podcasts and message and I listen to them over and over. Combined with a self confidence nighttime hypnosis by Michael Sealy, I truly feel myself healing. I wanted to share something I experienced a few days ago.. I experienced an amazing albeit fleeting moment of spiritual clarity this weekend.. I thought it and felt it like a bright light from above and then after a few seconds it passed, but, I genuinely felt the world open up to me... The clarity came when I thought to myself in the present moment..as I've been really trying to practice being in the present moment.. that "he cant hurt me". As in, no one can hurt me..you know emotionally and mentally.. it was such an amazing feeling..so freeing and safe and trusting. I think it will come back if I continue to practice being present. ❤️
Such a powerful video! My follow up question would be how do you move on if your partner and you as a couple aren't able to let go of the disfunction? How do I let go that this isn't working for me? Letting go brings up thoughts of abandonment , failure, like I'm wrong. So with the understanding that you need space to work on your own disfunction. How do your properly grieve the lost of that relationship. Without beating yourself up?
I css😅,,0@‘ cause CS The The 😢 t
Love this podcast, it’s so real and authentic. It’s changing my whole damn life ladies !
Nicole and Jenna, thank you so much for this episode…loved the real life examples - just excellent!
So hard to have those difficult conversations …. I find myself withdrawing into myself and only able to respond meaningfully when I had time to think. It frustrates me that I don’t instinctively know what to say … to create awareness and or help the healing process. Thank you for your insights.
Best episode!! Everyone should watch this!! Thank you girls!!! ♡
Thanks for the acknowledgement of non-romantic relationships, Nicole! Great talk as per usual. Thank you!
How would you describe or define intuition and is it partly or entirely influenced / conditioned from the time we’re born before our neocortex/prefrontal cortex is fully formed?
What inspired this question is chapter 4 of “The Body Keeps The Score” combine with what I’ve learned from the two of you.
I’m curious if one’s intuition is:
a) real
b) distorted from baggage from their past and / or
c) if it’s an evolution of human life experiences from birth to now including their unique perception / interpretation?
Good question. I often feel like I can't trust my intuition and maybe it's just my unhealthy conditioning talking.
Not them but I wanted to respond because lots of thoughts... I haven't read the book you're talking about.
1. As a woman, but also aside from that, a person who answered strongly to the pull of intuition by nature since birth more than any other part of my being, I wonder how one could even question its validity or existence. My parents can attest to that more than I can recall, they speak strongly about how I predicted outcomes and hidden truths and acted on my gut instincts, especially regarding other people from early toddlerhood prior to them placing definitions and conditioning. Because my parents mostly signaled that they saw it as a positive thing, I was encouraged to let it guide me. But they also had to have many talks with me about honing it and not ALWAYS relying on it, because it got me into trouble, too. To this day it still does, but I am grateful for that- any heartache or hard lessons it has caused me to learn I see helped me further self-actualize, which I believe is the suggested purpose of the intuition.
2. Intuition is not always accurate because it depends on the connectivity of other working parts of our being i.e. how our brain is computing the pull. Considering we are operating from a range of consciousnesses and places in our physical bodies at any given point, I find it is what is always leading us to further awareness. They suggest intuition is "the true self" in this podcast, which I disagree with, as I would venture to say it's the tug to learn about and actualize ones true nature, rather than the true nature itself. They call it the gut instinct- the gut lets us know when it's hungry. The intuition does the same. We either feed it, or let it starve and ache. Historically in psychology, it has been stated that governing ones moves all together by intuition causes falter. The falter itself is part of being human, the trial and error of learning how and where to listen to the intuition is part of being human, and the decision to move and decide from another place i.e. logic or "heart" is also part of being human.
3. I both think and believe that intuition is partly influenced on past experience, but only partly. It is either encouraged and honed or destroyed through experience and conditioning. I definitely think the radar can lose its battery power, as it is a proverbial muscle like any other working part of our being, and there are seasons, situations and environments where intuition is heightened, perhaps due to sensory memory.
Thank you for being in my life right now! I needed you to let me see where I'm at in my relationship
Great video - all parts really resonated with me! I have recently been noticing many triggers within myself and it’s such an enlightening process.
Such important information and so helpful. Thank you for the raw honesty.
I have this pattern that I hate I have. When my partner is upset. He tells me to stop calling & texting & I don't. I keep it going cause I want him to hear me out. He ignores me & when I try to talk to him he shuts me down my threatening to leave me.....when I don't listen to what he tells me to do. He starts threatening me that he will leave. & we start the cycle again. Arguing, him getting upset and me crying , and caring & doing the most. :(
Would love to hear your thoughts on victim mindset … how to have feelings without playing victim.
There is an assumption, here, of being in relationship with a willing/able other. There are plenty of us with no partner and no friends or relatives willing to engage in any such inquiring or healing behaviors. I have friends and relatives who will only relate to me on the superficial level. No matter how I approach "healing" or "boundaries", their response is that I am asking too much.
Thank you! I really appreciate your work. ❤️
Hi, what books are on the shelf?
I was already implementing everything that y’all were saying to my relationship with my parts until Jenna mentioned what about if we’re on our own🤓🫶🏽 I definitely do see my alone-ness as a gift at the moment. Thank you for another beautiful episode! Can’t wait for the next one and the detailed how to’s💝🙏🏽
Is loosing yourself in a relationship is that a form or trauma bonb or more of a self thing.
Do you really mean self-confidence when you say intuition? Intuition is more of a construct than self-confidence, hard to define in practice.