1. Resist Reaction 2. Safeguard your feelings and emotions 3. Recognize the role your ego is playing 4. Your mind can trick you into staying in the toxic relationship 5. Realize that you can't save or change them 6. Stop playing into their game 7. Don't fall into the trap when they create drama 8. Remember to pull the focus back onto yourself when you get distracted by thoughts about them. Short and sweet, however, Ashley states it best!!!
Everyone is a little narcissistic..best thing is to figure out how you your self are..then you can better see when the other person is , when you unlock and master your self.. playing the victim harms yourself even more
Wow! I lived with a covert narcissist and it’s crazy, passive aggressive, I saw some of the entitlement signs but I ignored it. He would act very shy and innocent and dealt with depression.I kept opening myself up and he quietly used it against me. They are always hiding. There were so many signs I ignored and when the cover in front of my eyes was pulled away, I felt stupid. It was all a game. It really takes you through some crazy loops.
Don't be hursh to yourself, you're not the only one. They're so good at manipulate that it's hard to recognize them from the beginning. I hope you're better now🙏
Where you able to see how you yourself are narcissistic? Victim culture is narcissistic..i had to work on my self first..a narcissist will accuse other ppl as being narcissistic..it took me a long time to realize how narcissistic some women are..
Zachary Payne here literally just called you narcissistic and then claimed that people who call people narcissistic are narcissists... Lol. You're doing great, Breanna. Keep healing. 🙏
That’s exactly what I’m going through. He loves to start fights. Today was my daughter’s drive up graduation and the school gave us posters for the car and he said that it was my fault that his car was so dirty because I didn’t tell him to wash his car yesterday. . I told him a few days ago about the Graduation. Then he left his phone at home and he said that it was my fault because I was rushing him to be on time. While I was talking pictures he said that he had to go pick up his phone and for me to call him when I was ready to get picked up. He always turns happy moments into a negative 😭. I try my best to keep my mouth shut when I know he wants to fight but it’s a struggle for me. I’m working on it.
I found this advice “brilliant”. I totally recognize all these signs in my past relationships. Thank you so much on behalf of all the confused people like myself 🙏❤️
My God !! I had to listen to this 4 times! It's SO clear that I 'let' the ex 'n' have everything I thought he's 'taken'. This the MOST relevant advice on this subject I've ever listened to. Thank you SO much. It actually applies to all relationships, and following this advice will help me become bulletproof !! xxx
I’ve watched 100’s of videos on NPD. Raised by one, married & divorced one, a 9 yr toxic relationship with one. But, recently, discarded by one after 3 months of dating. Toxic relationships are addictive. I simply could not believe I was dating another NARC! Until, I upheld and verbalized a boundary w/ her... Concerning being disrespected. Instantaneously dumped via text. I am involved w/ a therapist. This video has helped me understand myself more than 6 months of therapy! Thank you. Newly subscribed!
Yes there is more to life than them! There are healthy people out there. You feel like you have nothing out there but you do, so true ! We begin to see our value. I had a narc exhusband and now 2 narc adult children and felt so alone but we are not! Yes, we have to take our power back and enjoy our life.
Makes so much sense. I've been living with a husband that has many of these narcissistic tendencies. I want to leave but love my in-laws so much. My grown children and girlfriends bring me joy and fulfillment. I don't need to find another person, just fear of so much changing. I admit, it I'm deflecting.
Your videos resonate with me so much. I am actually in shock! If anybody could've articulated my confusion and feelings, you are doing this right now! Thank you Ashley. Things are slowly becoming clearer and scarier for me.
You are so right! Regarding my mother. It did feel good getting it out. Of course she didn’t respond, yet it was something about letting her know I know. I’m done with it at this point. She is toxic AF. You are speaking truths!!! Love I came across this video.
Oh my God I just came across your videos and I'm so thankful! everything you've described in this video is exactly what I'm going through right now and your words have made everything hit home and did in a way I can understand.
What an amazing video.. Thanks so much.. There is a huge amount of help and videos on RUclips about this subjects but your way to say it, your voice abd the impact of your sentences is outstanding.. You just made my day 🙏🏼
Many of us grew up with reactive parents. The Bickersons. Not good. Don't be like them. Learn to remain silent when someone falsely accuses you out of the blue. Knee jerk self defense reactions are natural emotional responses so it takes lots of self discipline and practice to learn how to stay calm, not get emotional and not response to sudden personal attacks. Wait for 30 seconds of complete silence. Then focus the attention on the accuser. Quietly ask how they could start a conversation in a more civilized and respectful way.
One of the best videos I’ve ever watched on this subject. (and I’ve watched a lot) I almost felt as though you knew everything I was thinking and everything I’m going through. You read my mind and put my thoughts and feelings into words. For the first time I don’t feel so “alone” anymore. Subscribe button and alert button ON! 👍
They learn what makes you tick and they deliberately do stuff do make you angry and upset, then they say your being to sensitive but they know exactly what they are doing they love the game of playing with your emotions.
I always enjoy your powerful voice, and your direct and honest speech. It's been 3 weeks now after gathering the courage to leave the my narcissistic relationship (for the 4th and hope the last time). I'm feeling superlow these days, but I try to visualize it as a 'hangover' that needs to exit my system.
Thank you Nuria. I appreciate you. How are you feeling? It does feel like a hangover- great description. It's normal to feel low going through this process. Let me know if I can help.
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges thank you Ashley. Some days are better than others, have more complicated issues (especially financial) to deal with as well..just taking one step at a time. Thanks to people like yourself I've learnt lots about Narcissism (and how do I contribute to the toxicity cycle myself), and I keep you all as my best company during my daily walks.
number 8 was so powerful because that's the hardest part for me. I can't stop thinking about my exBPD partner. it's been 7 weeks of NC and only in the last few days have I managed only a short moment not thinking about him. The hardest part is working on myself...which is something in the past 2 yrs I've avoided, focusing only on his needs and wants. I wish the pain and my ruminating about him would stop so I can get stronger. I suppose I'm just avoiding healing myself because I'm too scared.
Wow I feel like you really understand my situation in an accurate way, thank you for this video. It is so validating, and helps me to get clarity again 🙏🏻 So 100% relatable unfortunately
I kept on asking him: "What do you want? To be happy or to be a winner and right? He was never able to answer those two simple questions. At one point, during the re-run of the same old repetitive argument, he tried to gaslight me by claiming that I was being emotional. Without thinking about it I responded: "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to consult you about how I should be feeling". OMG - never did anything I ever said shut him up so fast. So, today I'm taking my power back and no longer have any patience or desire for his mind games (because everything is up for debate with him), his self-pity, his selfishness. I just ignore him completely and say: "No, we've been doing things your way for 15+ years, it doesn't work so now it's going to be MY way - period - it is NOT up for debate and if you don't like it you can leave".
This video is a confirmation of what I have been trying to figure out. I can't get any positive outcome of my marriage and I do have to stop trying. I feel completely drained trying.
Thank you so much...quite helpful to know people around me and know what i have always done wrong to react rather than responsd with calm...much clarity
Over 40 years married to one and it has completely drained me physically and emotionally. I didn't know what was wrong with him until I found out about NPD. It was an AHA moment. He cannot work on problems with me, save money for retirement, anything that requires him to cooperate. If I try and talk about some things he starts yelling, screaming and calling me names. He looks insane. There is no love I don't even like him. He's very annoying and lives in an alternate reality I can't begin to understand. I definitely want out but I'm not sure I can support myself with rental prices being so high right now. Really wish I'd found this out 25 years ago but whatever time I have left I want to I've in peace and with the old happy me I've lost. My face has changed so much. I look sick and that makes me so angry at him but mainly myself for waiting so long.
This video is great. Unfortunately I've just got out of a narcissistic relationship and I have him blocked, he still calls me on a private number occasionally though 😒 I'm going to respond and not react. I've got this thank you for all your tips, they are extremely helpful, I will be watching this a few more times to refresh my mind if what needs to be done, thank you again
My narcissist even planned to call me a narcissist right from the love bombing phase..I started with the narcissist worshipping me, I was confident, successful, and ended up losing my work and being desperate and smashed to pieces.
What I say to the Ex Covert Narcissists “Flying Monkeys”, is this: As incredulous as it may sound,I’m aware that Lisa can mold other people’s reality and perception of me, I’m not going to say anything bad about her because that would reflect on my character as a man, I just wish her the best in her future. They NEVER except that and it also makes them question themselves in believing, as to what they were told by the Ex Covert Narcissist.
Oh I understand we may have an ego about winning the this person in our lives over and trying to convince the other person if they could just see how good you are for them - but don't narcissists have even more of an ego? That the longer you stay trapped it feeds their narcissistic supply your giving them for them to gain control, giving them that major ego boost they have
My wife is a narcissist, my biggest concern is the effects she is having on our children. They are triplets 11 years old. My wife buys their love and god forbid I don’t love them her way. I’m old school, I don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior and again not her way and I’m the bad guy. I broke the cycle of child abuse I grew up with but how am I the bad one again.
I feel that if i don't think about them i will be abused by them. She used guilt trip to hoover me and from then I'm feeling off balance. Like she says, you have to love me, you have to think of me or else i will torture u with guilt and other manipulative tactics
This is very weird for me. Meaning I have not been in a "relationship" for years but I seem to be "stuck". I am not sure how to get out of the maze I'm in? Sometimes I feel like I am making progress and often I feel like that mouse on a wheel.... chronic PTSD
1. Resist Reaction
2. Safeguard your feelings and emotions
3. Recognize the role your ego is playing
4. Your mind can trick you into staying in the toxic relationship
5. Realize that you can't save or change them
6. Stop playing into their game
7. Don't fall into the trap when they create drama
8. Remember to pull the focus back onto yourself when you get distracted by thoughts about them.
Short and sweet, however, Ashley states it best!!!
These are the rules i use when i confront blm and the radical woke left
So much drama, negativity and chaos from narcissists. Just evil, especially in your own family.
True...so true..
Everyone is a little narcissistic..best thing is to figure out how you your self are..then you can better see when the other person is , when you unlock and master your self.. playing the victim harms yourself even more
Wow! I lived with a covert narcissist and it’s crazy, passive aggressive, I saw some of the entitlement signs but I ignored it. He would act very shy and innocent and dealt with depression.I kept opening myself up and he quietly used it against me. They are always hiding. There were so many signs I ignored and when the cover in front of my eyes was pulled away, I felt stupid. It was all a game. It really takes you through some crazy loops.
Don't be hursh to yourself, you're not the only one. They're so good at manipulate that it's hard to recognize them from the beginning. I hope you're better now🙏
Where you able to see how you yourself are narcissistic? Victim culture is narcissistic..i had to work on my self first..a narcissist will accuse other ppl as being narcissistic..it took me a long time to realize how narcissistic some women are..
Zachary Payne here literally just called you narcissistic and then claimed that people who call people narcissistic are narcissists... Lol. You're doing great, Breanna. Keep healing. 🙏
That’s exactly what I’m going through. He loves to start fights. Today was my daughter’s drive up graduation and the school gave us posters for the car and he said that it was my fault that his car was so dirty because I didn’t tell him to wash his car yesterday. . I told him a few days ago about the Graduation. Then he left his phone at home and he said that it was my fault because I was rushing him to be on time. While I was talking pictures he said that he had to go pick up his phone and for me to call him when I was ready to get picked up. He always turns happy moments into a negative 😭. I try my best to keep my mouth shut when I know he wants to fight but it’s a struggle for me. I’m working on it.
Leave! It is draining
You’re literally the best therapist I think I’ve ever heard and I watch allot
Validate yourself by choosing integrity as your character bedrock. No external validation needed.
I found this advice “brilliant”. I totally recognize all these signs in my past relationships. Thank you so much on behalf of all the confused people like myself 🙏❤️
This was awesome and such an important encouraging message for me to to hear right now thank you so much!
I really needed to hear this today, it was so inspiring in helping me to remain no contact with my ex narc, thank you!!!❤🙏
I think she is describing most women in today's culture... sadly..
My God !! I had to listen to this 4 times! It's SO clear that I 'let' the ex 'n' have everything I thought he's 'taken'. This the MOST relevant advice on this subject I've ever listened to. Thank you SO much. It actually applies to all relationships, and following this advice will help me become bulletproof !! xxx
I wish I had seen this DECADES ago.. but, better late than never!! Thanks again for a great video!
This is so spot on! I’m going to listen to this more than once...Thank you Ashley
I’ve watched 100’s of videos on NPD. Raised by one, married & divorced one, a 9 yr toxic relationship with one. But, recently, discarded by one after 3 months of dating. Toxic relationships are addictive. I simply could not believe I was dating another NARC! Until, I upheld and verbalized a boundary w/ her... Concerning being disrespected. Instantaneously dumped via text. I am involved w/ a therapist. This video has helped me understand myself more than 6 months of therapy!
Thank you. Newly subscribed!
I just love your videos. After watching them, I always feel like I just had a long, illuminating chat on the phone with a great friend! Thank you.
Thank you.Yes im putting myself first.Not making him the centre of attraction.
Theee best explanation by far on RUclips. This lady didn’t explain…but got in the feelings of the victim… well done 👍🏽
Yes there is more to life than them! There are healthy people out there. You feel like you have nothing out there but you do, so true ! We begin to see our value. I had a narc exhusband and now 2 narc adult children and felt so alone but we are not! Yes, we have to take our power back and enjoy our life.
Makes so much sense. I've been living with a husband that has many of these narcissistic tendencies. I want to leave but love my in-laws so much. My grown children and girlfriends bring me joy and fulfillment. I don't need to find another person, just fear of so much changing. I admit, it I'm deflecting.
Your videos resonate with me so much. I am actually in shock! If anybody could've articulated my confusion and feelings, you are doing this right now! Thank you Ashley. Things are slowly becoming clearer and scarier for me.
You are so right! Regarding my mother. It did feel good getting it out. Of course she didn’t respond, yet it was something about letting her know I know. I’m done with it at this point. She is toxic AF. You are speaking truths!!! Love I came across this video.
So happy without them there is no point anymore.
Sounds like you are in a good place Karla!
Wow this was so eye opening & is spot on!! Thankyou for your advice, I really needed it❤️
This was so informative and detailed. Thank you for your wise words and time, Ashley. 🌹🙏🌈
You nailed it😍
Oh my God I just came across your videos and I'm so thankful! everything you've described in this video is exactly what I'm going through right now and your words have made everything hit home and did in a way I can understand.
What an amazing video.. Thanks so much.. There is a huge amount of help and videos on RUclips about this subjects but your way to say it, your voice abd the impact of your sentences is outstanding.. You just made my day 🙏🏼
THANK YOU SO MUCH ASHLEY. IT'S BEEN SO INFORMATIVE & ENCOURAGING & RIGHT ON TIME. GOD BLESS YOU 🙏
Many of us grew up with reactive parents. The Bickersons. Not good. Don't be like them. Learn to remain silent when someone falsely accuses you out of the blue. Knee jerk self defense reactions are natural emotional responses so it takes lots of self discipline and practice to learn how to stay calm, not get emotional and not response to sudden personal attacks. Wait for 30 seconds of complete silence. Then focus the attention on the accuser. Quietly ask how they could start a conversation in a more civilized and respectful way.
One of the best videos I’ve ever watched on this subject. (and I’ve watched a lot) I almost felt as though you knew everything I was thinking and everything I’m going through. You read my mind and put my thoughts and feelings into words. For the first time I don’t feel so “alone” anymore. Subscribe button and alert button ON! 👍
I feel empowered ALREADY. Thank you so much for encouraging us to take our power back!! 👏🏼
They learn what makes you tick and they deliberately do stuff do make you angry and upset, then they say your being to sensitive but they know exactly what they are doing they love the game of playing with your emotions.
I always enjoy your powerful voice, and your direct and honest speech. It's been 3 weeks now after gathering the courage to leave the my narcissistic relationship (for the 4th and hope the last time). I'm feeling superlow these days, but I try to visualize it as a 'hangover' that needs to exit my system.
Thank you Nuria. I appreciate you. How are you feeling? It does feel like a hangover- great description. It's normal to feel low going through this process. Let me know if I can help.
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges thank you Ashley. Some days are better than others, have more complicated issues (especially financial) to deal with as well..just taking one step at a time. Thanks to people like yourself I've learnt lots about Narcissism (and how do I contribute to the toxicity cycle myself), and I keep you all as my best company during my daily walks.
The Christmas gift I didn't know I needed, but wanted so bad!
Thank you so much. I’m learning so much about the nightmare I lived through, yet didn’t understand. Great value you are providing to us all!
number 8 was so powerful because that's the hardest part for me. I can't stop thinking about my exBPD partner. it's been 7 weeks of NC and only in the last few days have I managed only a short moment not thinking about him. The hardest part is working on myself...which is something in the past 2 yrs I've avoided, focusing only on his needs and wants. I wish the pain and my ruminating about him would stop so I can get stronger. I suppose I'm just avoiding healing myself because I'm too scared.
Wow I feel like you really understand my situation in an accurate way, thank you for this video. It is so validating, and helps me to get clarity again 🙏🏻 So 100% relatable unfortunately
Good to hear from you Sarah. I'm glad you found my channel. I wish it wasn't relatable but at least it is validating.
Oh...great question! They hate being called on their crap.
I kept on asking him: "What do you want? To be happy or to be a winner and right? He was never able to answer those two simple questions. At one point, during the re-run of the same old repetitive argument, he tried to gaslight me by claiming that I was being emotional. Without thinking about it I responded: "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to consult you about how I should be feeling". OMG - never did anything I ever said shut him up so fast. So, today I'm taking my power back and no longer have any patience or desire for his mind games (because everything is up for debate with him), his self-pity, his selfishness. I just ignore him completely and say: "No, we've been doing things your way for 15+ years, it doesn't work so now it's going to be MY way - period - it is NOT up for debate and if you don't like it you can leave".
I need these explanations today.. They are excellent! Thank you a lot! 👏👏👏
This video is a confirmation of what I have been trying to figure out. I can't get any positive outcome of my marriage and I do have to stop trying. I feel completely drained trying.
Thank you so much...quite helpful to know people around me and know what i have always done wrong to react rather than responsd with calm...much clarity
Over 40 years married to one and it has completely drained me physically and emotionally. I didn't know what was wrong with him until I found out about NPD. It was an AHA moment. He cannot work on problems with me, save money for retirement, anything that requires him to cooperate. If I try and talk about some things he starts yelling, screaming and calling me names. He looks insane. There is no love I don't even like him. He's very annoying and lives in an alternate reality I can't begin to understand. I definitely want out but I'm not sure I can support myself with rental prices being so high right now. Really wish I'd found this out 25 years ago but whatever time I have left I want to I've in peace and with the old happy me I've lost. My face has changed so much. I look sick and that makes me so angry at him but mainly myself for waiting so long.
Great advice, thank you!
Ok !!! Awesome video! My first day hearing you... Im gonna go bing watch your videos now...
Welcome aboard! Thank you :)
Become emotionally independent by staying free from relationships so you can focus on securing your life and future.
U want to be heard, but ur going to the wrong place to be heard. Bingo!
Thanks for the info.
Thank you for reaching out, you are most welcome!
Thank you for this...
Please print notes , helps me to grasp. Thank you so very much for this great information!!!!
Great advice. Her voice reminds me of Kim Zolciak.
Very very good video!
I'm in a toxic relationship and I needed this video..
This video is great. Unfortunately I've just got out of a narcissistic relationship and I have him blocked, he still calls me on a private number occasionally though 😒 I'm going to respond and not react. I've got this thank you for all your tips, they are extremely helpful, I will be watching this a few more times to refresh my mind if what needs to be done, thank you again
Amazing! So timely. Wow!
Why win something that’s not good for me. Hell no!
Superb content!! So empowering.
Powerful truths!!
Spot on❣
I got some of my power back from my husband who was a Narcissistic. He whent crazy. You could see the evil in his eyes 👀.
the point is that they, the narcissist, see things wrong, everything is perfect!
Great video!
My narcissist even planned to call me a narcissist right from the love bombing phase..I started with the narcissist worshipping me, I was confident, successful, and ended up losing my work and being desperate and smashed to pieces.
This is an excellent video!!!
Thank you Kirk!
Thank you! ;D
What I say to the Ex Covert Narcissists “Flying Monkeys”, is this: As incredulous as it may sound,I’m aware that Lisa can mold other people’s reality and perception of me, I’m not going to say anything bad about her because that would reflect on my character as a man, I just wish her the best in her future.
They NEVER except that and it also makes them question themselves in believing, as to what they were told by the Ex Covert Narcissist.
Oh I understand we may have an ego about winning the this person in our lives over and trying to convince the other person if they could just see how good you are for them - but don't narcissists have even more of an ego? That the longer you stay trapped it feeds their narcissistic supply your giving them for them to gain control, giving them that major ego boost they have
Sometimes it is hard to leave because you ha e no job or money and no safe place to go.
My wife is a narcissist, my biggest concern is the effects she is having on our children. They are triplets 11 years old. My wife buys their love and god forbid I don’t love them her way. I’m old school, I don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior and again not her way and I’m the bad guy. I broke the cycle of child abuse I grew up with but how am I the bad one again.
I feel that if i don't think about them i will be abused by them. She used guilt trip to hoover me and from then I'm feeling off balance. Like she says, you have to love me, you have to think of me or else i will torture u with guilt and other manipulative tactics
New sub today
Glad you're here!
This is very weird for me. Meaning I have not been in a "relationship" for years but I seem to be "stuck". I am not sure how to get out of the maze I'm in? Sometimes I feel like I am making progress and often I feel like that mouse on a wheel.... chronic PTSD
just a set of arrogant/ignorant bastards you have to remove from your life, leave them in the past, get on with your own life and try to forget them.
Good point Dennis, If you can leave them behind, do it!
i ,was +++ to try and find you...
I feel when I watch your video is im a stupid doll being played by an evil.
Could you be a narcissist?
Um. Get away from them