When was this ever something that was 'supposed' to be the case, and not just a possible positive outcome? Like, 'I hate my wife' jokes have been around since the 50s, if not earlier, lol. Marriage dysfunction is not a modern invention.
@@MattJDave Jokes are jokes because they aren't true (or just exaggerated), otherwise it's just disrespect. Just because in the 50s it was the norm doesn't mean it has to be now, a lot of things can change in 70 years
@@lelo8744 I agree, it's perfectly possible for things to change. However: 'Remember when married couples were supposed to feel like being like a team instead of seeing each other like opponents?' This was your comment, with the clear implication that spouses hating each other/being dysfunctional is a new phenomenon (or you wouldn't say 'remember when' like there was a 'good old days' to all this). It isn't. It's been around long enough that there were hackneyed jokes about it in the 50s. There is no 'remember when', marriage has always been treated as possibly good, possibly adversarial.
Story 1 - Why doesn’t OP block her parents on everything and go NC. I went NC with my father for 20 years behind the way he thought he was entitled to treat me because he’s my father. Needless to say after 20 years he has a much better attitude…Life is too short to let toxic people make you miserable even if they are your family
Yup, I can't help but to keep thinking "why is she (OP) being so weak? just block them and move on", but I guess for some people it just isn't that simple, especially if it's culturally ingrained that you have to obey your parents. I'm glad you were strong enough to go NC and not fold to your abusive father!
Asian families are no joke, the ingrained family duty despite your personnal feelings and even sacrifices is next level indoctrination. Though I confess I didn't expect that from a Korean family in the US, was sure it was an Indian, Pakistani or Indonesian family environment.
Alas, being financially independent from one's birth givers does not mean that one is emotionally independent. Kiddos with toxic parents who don't go to NC are stuck in a cycle of seeking and hoping for approval even when they know it won't come, but they hang onto hope. Unfortunately, because they know that approval won't come, parents' behaviors are completely normalized in their minds. So, they don't see a reason to leave until the damage finally accumulates.
Story 2: "she started it isnt the justification you think it is" what the hell? Of course it is. They made rules when this started and now she goes "yeah but", thats exactly why open relationships dont work if its only beneficial for one side. Also, as per usual, if OP was the woman in the situation reddit would be taking OPs side.
No it's not. And if you think it is I have just one question for you then. Are you a 5 year old? Cause only little children are incapable of just letting things go after being slighted. If he was hurt by her he should've divorced her and moved on but no instead he wanted to be vindictive. And no this isn't me taking the wife's side. I hate both of them and to be frank they deserve each other. Were the situation reversed I'd still say the same thing on both sides.
@@jcly96 what makes you say that? Of course it's in the end all because she started it. She wanted the open relationship. When things went well for her she didn't say a word about ending the open relationship, heck she even changed around their set date nights because it fit her better. but once OP got comfortable and arranged better than her with the open relationship she wants to put new rules in place. OP then gave her conditions and she could've chosen to not accept them. And them working things out for their relationship, or at least trying to, is also their choice. Also calling me a 5 year old because of what? Finding humour in the fact that this lady got hit with the consequences of her actions and pointing it out?
@@tigrexkiller1548No I'm calling you a 5 year old because like a 5 year old you seem to be incapable of controlling yourself and thinking that every action is worthy of retaliation. Want an example? When you're getting poked in the stomach by your friend who's annoying you you decide the best course of action is to push your friend to the ground and curb stomp them. That's what you're saying in this situation by justifying OP's actions. Instead of thinking that he should just leave his wife instead you're saying that it's ok that he's not only staying with her but also being just as bad as she is by rubbing it in her face that he seems to be having more success than her. Retaliation if applied needs to be proportional. What would've been proportional retaliation for OP is leaving and taking his wife for everything she has. But instead he's choosing to stay and be just as bad as she is.
@@jcly96 where did I point at a speciffic action tho? I pointed at the comment that said "she started it isnt the justification you think it is". I implied that she set the playing field and now wants to change it because OP got benefits from it too, not that OP was right or wrong in him retaliating.
I'd also like to know what exactly you mean with his retaliation? Her date falling through and her coming home to OP being in the hottub with others? If he did this it must have been allowed through the rules. OP not wanting to close the relationship? Just as it takes 2 to open it, it takes 2 to close it. OP still going on dates when she wanted to close the relationship? I mean, he did make a fair point about her just wanting him to close his side just so she could get back to it at a convenient time later down the line. OP enjoying his work at the bar? Her getting to hear about his feelings when she was the only one dating at therapy? This is kind of the point of therapy, don't you think? The bad communications about the date night with the friend, wich turned out to be a hook-up? I will say, fair, this seems very set-upy, but he also said she never mentioned this being a 1 on 1 date. I honestly don't see what you mean with him retaliating. These are all problems created by both sides, as both of them want their cake and eat it too. but none of these are realy an act of retaliation, just 2 sucky people being sucky. They deffinitly deserve eachother tho
ST2: the wife sounds like a pain. I say divorce her and find a girl that is satisfied with being with just one man. Ashley made it clear that she cannot be trusted
Indeed, a moral duty towards society, family and even country to keep all generations in line to do what's supposed to be done and playing happy family, no matter how rotten the relationships become.
I honestly believe that open relationship can work. I have been polyamourous a few years, and when everyone is on the same page it works. You obviously still need communication, but I admit none of us was married lol
Story #2 That relationship is the most F'ed up marriage I've ever seen. Like, wtf is that?! That's called the most unhealthy relationship I've ever read about!
Goodness. So the commenters seem to think OP is blind or stupid when he planned to join his wife on that saturday date with her "friend" from out of town. Seems to me the commenters are the idiots. With all of their " You weren't invited." You had no business. LMAO at those folks. OP knew she was pulling BS. She knew she was. That's why she canceled with the "friend". I don't see her playing by the rules in the future. I don't see OP staying with her down the line. He's already consulted a lawyer. It won't take much for him to get the ball rolling.
It's the sad thing with reddit that I dont get, men in situations like OP are always (or at least a majority of the time) approached with the mindset of "you're not telling us everything, so you're the bad guy regardless". A while back there was a story on here where OP was guy and got cheated on and some redditor asked him "what did you do to make her cheat?" I think its something similar to that going on here
@@tigrexkiller1548 It strikes me more along the lines of "How could you force yourself on your wife. Why would you not trust her." Reddit does like to go after the "innocent" party. They don't seem to look at the whole story presented. Sometimes I can't help but laugh. An OP will give their situation. Admit their mistakes or short comings. Describe their partner in a way that screams demon to the nth degree. Then Reddit is "What did you do to have them react like that."
@@leazimridaniels8552 Well they did kinda have to read between the lines on that date situation. Or just have some deductive reasoning. OP initially didn't come straight out saying that his wife was breaking the rules. He was being honest still.
4:30 or something like that , did she really say a marine isnt ready for the "real world" when he has severd in the military, is financially independent and working in a job after getting out, seems like they are ones who are not ready for the "real world"
Cause he's seeing someone else already. He wants to stay not because he wants to appease his "wife" but cause he wants to hurt her. How about you actually listen to the story and take in details before talking out of your donkey.
NOBODY convinces me a poly or open marriage is a good thing on the long run. Exciting? Sure! Family bonding or stable? No f-ing way. Don't take my word for it, ask the children of such relationships how it all turned out.
The second story disgusts me. It comes across as two people who got married for the sake of being married, not as two people who got married for the sake of love.
ploy relationships never work period that post was gross to say the least ick idk how ppl feel this is exceptable at all someone all ways gets harmed emotionally
not exactly, i feel like if both people in the relationship is okay with opening the relationship then its not consider cheating, cheating is being unfaithful, if you are in a open relationship the faith isnt in if your partner is or isnt sleeping with anyone else, the faith is in if your partner leaves you or not. it becomes cheating when you leave your partner for someone else
@@borasora um no, it's not cheating if both people in the relationship are okay with it. Open relationships and cheating are two completely different things
I just can't believe some people willingly walk into open relationships. Yeah let me move in with you, take half you money and belongings, but sleep with whomever I want. Don't worry, you can do it too. Why wouldn't you just say no and continue sleeping with whomever you wanted to without losing half your stuff? Literally, the point of putting a ring on the finger is a sign of loyalty. How can there be a marriage with zero loyalty? It's the absolute worst option between monogamy and the single life.
Asian parents. You oughta have tem (or similar, Jewish parents can be too above all if you're a woman since they're matrilinear) to understand the level of manipulation and interference "for your own good".
Lol open relationships is just when you’re single but need someone to go halfsies on rent. Why go through all this shit when you end having to establish all these rules? Now you can’t use your phone after 7, lol wtf? Why? Cuz your partner is jealous of the other partners that they allowed you to see?
Story 2: and that’s why those open/poly relationships eventually fall apart; plain old jealousy. The. She love bombs and supposedly deletes all of her apps. Uh huh. Suuuuure.
Remember when married couples were supposed to feel like being like a team instead of seeing each other like opponents?
When was this ever something that was 'supposed' to be the case, and not just a possible positive outcome? Like, 'I hate my wife' jokes have been around since the 50s, if not earlier, lol. Marriage dysfunction is not a modern invention.
@@MattJDave Jokes are jokes because they aren't true (or just exaggerated), otherwise it's just disrespect.
Just because in the 50s it was the norm doesn't mean it has to be now, a lot of things can change in 70 years
@@lelo8744 I agree, it's perfectly possible for things to change. However:
'Remember when married couples were supposed to feel like being like a team instead of seeing each other like opponents?'
This was your comment, with the clear implication that spouses hating each other/being dysfunctional is a new phenomenon (or you wouldn't say 'remember when' like there was a 'good old days' to all this). It isn't. It's been around long enough that there were hackneyed jokes about it in the 50s.
There is no 'remember when', marriage has always been treated as possibly good, possibly adversarial.
9:39 "Sounds like Mom shouldn't be driving then, if the problem is so clear to both of you."
Story 1 - Why doesn’t OP block her parents on everything and go NC. I went NC with my father for 20 years behind the way he thought he was entitled to treat me because he’s my father. Needless to say after 20 years he has a much better attitude…Life is too short to let toxic people make you miserable even if they are your family
Yup, I can't help but to keep thinking "why is she (OP) being so weak? just block them and move on", but I guess for some people it just isn't that simple, especially if it's culturally ingrained that you have to obey your parents. I'm glad you were strong enough to go NC and not fold to your abusive father!
Asian families are no joke, the ingrained family duty despite your personnal feelings and even sacrifices is next level indoctrination. Though I confess I didn't expect that from a Korean family in the US, was sure it was an Indian, Pakistani or Indonesian family environment.
Alas, being financially independent from one's birth givers does not mean that one is emotionally independent. Kiddos with toxic parents who don't go to NC are stuck in a cycle of seeking and hoping for approval even when they know it won't come, but they hang onto hope. Unfortunately, because they know that approval won't come, parents' behaviors are completely normalized in their minds. So, they don't see a reason to leave until the damage finally accumulates.
Story 2: "she started it isnt the justification you think it is" what the hell? Of course it is. They made rules when this started and now she goes "yeah but", thats exactly why open relationships dont work if its only beneficial for one side. Also, as per usual, if OP was the woman in the situation reddit would be taking OPs side.
No it's not. And if you think it is I have just one question for you then. Are you a 5 year old? Cause only little children are incapable of just letting things go after being slighted. If he was hurt by her he should've divorced her and moved on but no instead he wanted to be vindictive. And no this isn't me taking the wife's side. I hate both of them and to be frank they deserve each other. Were the situation reversed I'd still say the same thing on both sides.
@@jcly96 what makes you say that? Of course it's in the end all because she started it. She wanted the open relationship. When things went well for her she didn't say a word about ending the open relationship, heck she even changed around their set date nights because it fit her better. but once OP got comfortable and arranged better than her with the open relationship she wants to put new rules in place. OP then gave her conditions and she could've chosen to not accept them. And them working things out for their relationship, or at least trying to, is also their choice.
Also calling me a 5 year old because of what? Finding humour in the fact that this lady got hit with the consequences of her actions and pointing it out?
@@tigrexkiller1548No I'm calling you a 5 year old because like a 5 year old you seem to be incapable of controlling yourself and thinking that every action is worthy of retaliation. Want an example? When you're getting poked in the stomach by your friend who's annoying you you decide the best course of action is to push your friend to the ground and curb stomp them. That's what you're saying in this situation by justifying OP's actions. Instead of thinking that he should just leave his wife instead you're saying that it's ok that he's not only staying with her but also being just as bad as she is by rubbing it in her face that he seems to be having more success than her. Retaliation if applied needs to be proportional. What would've been proportional retaliation for OP is leaving and taking his wife for everything she has. But instead he's choosing to stay and be just as bad as she is.
@@jcly96 where did I point at a speciffic action tho? I pointed at the comment that said "she started it isnt the justification you think it is". I implied that she set the playing field and now wants to change it because OP got benefits from it too, not that OP was right or wrong in him retaliating.
I'd also like to know what exactly you mean with his retaliation? Her date falling through and her coming home to OP being in the hottub with others? If he did this it must have been allowed through the rules.
OP not wanting to close the relationship? Just as it takes 2 to open it, it takes 2 to close it.
OP still going on dates when she wanted to close the relationship? I mean, he did make a fair point about her just wanting him to close his side just so she could get back to it at a convenient time later down the line.
OP enjoying his work at the bar?
Her getting to hear about his feelings when she was the only one dating at therapy? This is kind of the point of therapy, don't you think?
The bad communications about the date night with the friend, wich turned out to be a hook-up? I will say, fair, this seems very set-upy, but he also said she never mentioned this being a 1 on 1 date.
I honestly don't see what you mean with him retaliating. These are all problems created by both sides, as both of them want their cake and eat it too. but none of these are realy an act of retaliation, just 2 sucky people being sucky. They deffinitly deserve eachother tho
Story 1: OP is lucky her fiance didn't leave her for being such a doormat
ST2: the wife sounds like a pain. I say divorce her and find a girl that is satisfied with being with just one man. Ashley made it clear that she cannot be trusted
S2: OP NTA she wants to make u feel ok again n then later start again. Ops wife plays too many games
It's a cultural thing for anyone wondering, that's how most Asian countries view thing.
Indeed, a moral duty towards society, family and even country to keep all generations in line to do what's supposed to be done and playing happy family, no matter how rotten the relationships become.
Nah, that's just the excuse. As per Steven He, what asian parents are all about is causing emotional damage to their failures!
I honestly believe that open relationship can work. I have been polyamourous a few years, and when everyone is on the same page it works. You obviously still need communication, but I admit none of us was married lol
Story #2 That relationship is the most F'ed up marriage I've ever seen. Like, wtf is that?!
That's called the most unhealthy relationship I've ever read about!
That isn't a marriage, that's a legally binded roommate
@@that-one-guy4747 You got that right.
Goodness. So the commenters seem to think OP is blind or stupid when he planned to join his wife on that saturday date with her "friend" from out of town. Seems to me the commenters are the idiots. With all of their " You weren't invited." You had no business. LMAO at those folks. OP knew she was pulling BS. She knew she was. That's why she canceled with the "friend". I don't see her playing by the rules in the future. I don't see OP staying with her down the line. He's already consulted a lawyer. It won't take much for him to get the ball rolling.
It's the sad thing with reddit that I dont get, men in situations like OP are always (or at least a majority of the time) approached with the mindset of "you're not telling us everything, so you're the bad guy regardless". A while back there was a story on here where OP was guy and got cheated on and some redditor asked him "what did you do to make her cheat?" I think its something similar to that going on here
@@tigrexkiller1548 It strikes me more along the lines of "How could you force yourself on your wife. Why would you not trust her." Reddit does like to go after the "innocent" party. They don't seem to look at the whole story presented. Sometimes I can't help but laugh. An OP will give their situation. Admit their mistakes or short comings. Describe their partner in a way that screams demon to the nth degree. Then Reddit is "What did you do to have them react like that."
@@lindah3803 yeah, they “read between the lines". When in reality, the OP's are being honest 😅😅😅
@@leazimridaniels8552 Well they did kinda have to read between the lines on that date situation. Or just have some deductive reasoning. OP initially didn't come straight out saying that his wife was breaking the rules. He was being honest still.
4:30 or something like that , did she really say a marine isnt ready for the "real world" when he has severd in the military, is financially independent and working in a job after getting out, seems like they are ones who are not ready for the "real world"
Story 2 an open relationship drama wow who would've thought this would happen? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 And this doormat stills plan not divorcing her.
Cause he's seeing someone else already. He wants to stay not because he wants to appease his "wife" but cause he wants to hurt her. How about you actually listen to the story and take in details before talking out of your donkey.
NOBODY convinces me a poly or open marriage is a good thing on the long run. Exciting? Sure! Family bonding or stable? No f-ing way.
Don't take my word for it, ask the children of such relationships how it all turned out.
Story 1 stop being a doormat and get police involved.
The second story disgusts me. It comes across as two people who got married for the sake of being married, not as two people who got married for the sake of love.
ploy relationships never work period that post was gross to say the least ick idk how ppl feel this is exceptable at all someone all ways gets harmed emotionally
Story 2 Opening is Cheating.
not exactly, i feel like if both people in the relationship is okay with opening the relationship then its not consider cheating, cheating is being unfaithful, if you are in a open relationship the faith isnt in if your partner is or isnt sleeping with anyone else, the faith is in if your partner leaves you or not. it becomes cheating when you leave your partner for someone else
@@Traumatic_Jrit's just cheating with extra steps and the delusion of control
@@borasora um no, it's not cheating if both people in the relationship are okay with it. Open relationships and cheating are two completely different things
I just can't believe some people willingly walk into open relationships.
Yeah let me move in with you, take half you money and belongings, but sleep with whomever I want. Don't worry, you can do it too.
Why wouldn't you just say no and continue sleeping with whomever you wanted to without losing half your stuff?
Literally, the point of putting a ring on the finger is a sign of loyalty. How can there be a marriage with zero loyalty?
It's the absolute worst option between monogamy and the single life.
Story 1:Stop acting like a 5 yr old and keep engaging your parents in every detail of your life. Be a grown up. 😳
Asian parents. You oughta have tem (or similar, Jewish parents can be too above all if you're a woman since they're matrilinear) to understand the level of manipulation and interference "for your own good".
Why even get married?
Ask that of every cheater and homewrecker. They get married and don't take it seriously.
6:16 that's misandry....
Misandry is discrimination against men...
Op was claiming her relatives were craptalking her, not her husband in that specific time stamp.
Lol open relationships is just when you’re single but need someone to go halfsies on rent.
Why go through all this shit when you end having to establish all these rules? Now you can’t use your phone after 7, lol wtf? Why? Cuz your partner is jealous of the other partners that they allowed you to see?
"Open relationships is just when you're single but need someone to go halfsies on rent."
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
Did your Korean parents forget what the United States servicemen did in their country and how fast they did it.
Story 2: and that’s why those open/poly relationships eventually fall apart; plain old jealousy.
The. She love bombs and supposedly deletes all of her apps. Uh huh. Suuuuure.
Please cover the posts by Substantial-Egg-1971.
??
On it
Story 2 is a cringefest