The Shocking Effects of Silent Treatment on Avoidant Attachments
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2024
- The Shocking Effects of Silent Treatment on Avoidant Attachments. Learn about the shocking effects of the silent treatment on avoidant attachments. Discover how this behavior impacts relationships and emotional well-being.
Ever felt like someone you love is just ignoring you? That's the silent treatment.
Unfortunately, the pain of this kind of treatment can have a lasting effect on relationships, especially for those with an avoidant attachment style.
And in this video, we're going to dive deep into the five noteworthy effects of silent treatment on avoidants. Understanding the impact is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
Let's first dig into what an avoidant attachment style is.
We all have an attachment style, and there are four main types.
People with a secure attachment style usually thrive in their connections with others. They tend to feel safe and stable with their partners and other relationships.
Then there's the anxious-preoccupied type. They're always worried about being left behind and can feel anxious and clingy in relationships.
Next, there's the fearful-avoidant type. These people are known for their hot-and-cold attachment style. They can be pretty unpredictable because they fear both abandonment and intimacy. This often leads them to seek closeness to someone, but then push that person away when it’s reciprocated.
Finally, let's talk about the dismissive-avoidant, which is our focus in this video. People with this attachment style have a deep fear of commitment. This is usually because they've experienced emotional neglect during childhood. Those experiences they've had can make intimacy feel pretty scary. As such, they tend to shy away from being vulnerable or forming deep connections.
This also shows conflict hits dismissive avoidants differently compared to other attachment styles.
To be precise, avoidants take conflict to heart more than you might expect. This takes a bigger toll on them compared to those with other attachment styles, not just because of their limited emotional bandwidth or unmet needs, but also due to the way they handle conflict.
Speaking of conflict, dismissive avoidants hate it because it makes them feel emotionally insecure. They often feel better when given some space, especially if there’s a conflict or challenges in the relationship. They might decide to steer clear of relationships altogether to dodge the potential conflicts they know can arise anytime.
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Instead of trying to resolve they give silent treatment. Then try to reconnect. Like nothing happened and never want to talk about it
Exactly. It’s the weirdest f thing. Like nothing ever happened. I’m like “this is not how you handle your business, you’re an adult for christs sake”
This is what I have been dealing with for 2 years. Then when you bring it up they always have the "IDK, I have not thought about it, etc." But always gun ho to have sex....but never to talk about what the issues are and work towards fixing the problems.
@@katwoman8595 This is my ex wife exactly to a T. We were married 7 years, I could not take it anymore and divorced her, she moved back in 3 days later like nothing happened. Still in the same cycle 2 years later. I have to just cut the cord, it's hard, especially when you are a 50 year old man, the dating pool is pretty small. Plus she's 20 years younger and pretty.
Exactly....ANd when you do finally have a chance to discuss issues, they have no problems telling you things that you did to upset them. The second you start to express your feelings of what their actions caused, they shut down fold their arms and want to end the conversation. They take ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY for their faults in the relatioship. They cosnider it an attack or criticism.
It's a vicious cycle that will never be fixed unless they fix themselves.
If he is not willing to be vulnerable I can’t reconnect with him😢
I can’t reply to his breadcrumbs anymore and let him reject me again
Me too😢
So DON’T! Just don’t.
When the narc gave me the silent treatment, I would reciprocate the same treatment. I enjoyed the peace and quiet....no drama!
WHAT A MASTERFUL PRESENTATION. I have watched hundreds of videos about dismissive avoidants now and this is hands down one of the best I've seen. Bravo!
So in other words, they are emotionless, lack empathy and you are an object on the rare occasion they want you for a minute. They literally cannot love. No thanks.
you nailed it, i often complained to my dismisisve avoidant ex that she only reached out to me when she had literally nothing else to do or wanted something from me. when we broke up she had 0 emotions, 0 empathy. it was scary to watch
......😂😂😂😂😂
It is a tragedy that social media calls narcissism nowadays "dissmissive avoidant". At least in 80% of the cases you deal with people with highly narcissistic traits. But no matter how you call them. The message is: They cannot love you, they really can't! You suffer wishful thinking and malignant hope. Give it up, move on, forget about them. You love a mirage, an image, it is not real, it only becomes real in your head.
I had a brother with NPD. I have a girlfriend who is a dismissive avoidant with CPTSD.
They are vast worlds apart. DAs are people with wounds, not cookies cut out of a sheet of dough.
Many of them can love very deeply. It just scares them to the point they want to and often do run away.
Many are unaware or just don't want to change. Some are aware and do. Most endure a lot of unspoken pain and loneliness through no fault of their own.
Yeah, this ain't it my dude. This is not narcissism. This is a trauma response. They are very clear on the video that DA feel and miss and regret-- they question their every word and action, and then usually hate themselves for it. That is NOT narcissism.
These type of people are cruel and need serious help. It is so hurtful, abusive and damaging dealing with people like this. No heart only for themselves not even because they cause there own demise being this way.
narcissists in the making
Yup!
My goodness, were y'all listening?? It's a trauma response. It is not based on cruelty or pure self interest or having "one up" on others, it's based in fear. And it is absolutely not narcissistic, because narcissists would not be emotionally distressed as avoident people are.
The video clearly states they feel strongly and that is scary to them. They often doubt themselves, their words, decisions, etc. That is not narcissistic or cruel, it's sad. And it requires help from professionals or peers.
Do not project and demonize others for what you allowed to happen to you. We teach others how to treat us. Having unclear or no boundaries is a PERSONAL choice that we must take responsibility for. That's why the video talked about secure attachment styles. If we are secure, it never gets that far.
I'm sorry if that all hurts anyone's feelings, but I think it is very true.
And people likening it to narcissism are very ignorant on the subject of narcissists, because this is *not* NPD.
If someones fears overpower their feelings for someone, they dont care about that person much...
13 months after she left me, a few texts after 5 months, but adamant not wanting to get back. Nothing since. But even if you get back together, very likely you will break up again a few months later.
This is a blessing in disguise brother, BLOCK and never look back, they are sadistic paycopaths! Do not play their game
They usually do the stonewalling, not the other way around.
Let's just call them narcissists and we can be done. When I heard the words 'dismissive avoidant' my first instinct is to avoid the avoidant. All the drama makes you uneasy and distracts you from connecting with yourself.
Honestly I think its telling that 80% of the things people say to do in a narcissistic relationship is also the same with avoidants
I think narcs are just bitter versions of avoidants
So true
It makes me insecure and anxious being around them after a while as I never know what "mood" they will be in or if they are coming or going
Thats it, pull the good old narc card 👏👏👏🙄
Many reasons are available such as trauma, BPD, Autsim, etc. but an actual narcissist will call others narcissists.
My sister abused her boyfriend and called him a narc for 10 years. Then when psycho sally ended up in therapy "herself", guess who is the "PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED NARCISSIST 😂😂😂
They only think of themselves.
Then maybe they should stop distancing themselves
Unfortunately my fiancee has done this to me time and time again. We don't even have fights because instead of talking it out like I want to he just dismisses me and walks out of the room. He won't talk to me about my feelings because whenever I try to explain them he just holds his side for his Crohn's and runs away. I know Crohn's works on stress being a big factor, but when I'm just asking him to talk to me he shuns me out. He's been doing the silent treatment this time around during some of the hardest things I had to deal with physically through medical and he never comforted me while I was crying my eyes out scared to death about the upcoming surgery. Instead he stayed to his silent treatment. After he gave me a half hearted apology and a gift trying to smooth things over. Then went back to the silent treatment. I gave him his space and now that he's trying to reconnect again, I can't feel anything.
Is he STILL your fiance? 😮😮
My best friend is a covert narcissist I think. Who else would brag about being able to break up any relationship they want? Once, he even did it to my first relationship, and insists he did nothing wrong. Giving him the silent treatment feels like self respect.
They live in a special hell that we pay for.
I'm not sure, but today's messaging to men about being stoic, adopting a sigma mindset, and staying emotionally detached seems quite similar to characteristics of an avoidant person.
@@x7eo661Even if it did influence them its all just a mask to avoid being seen as weak when imo its weak to run away from problems like the avoidant tends to do. And I say as having put up a very similar attitude in the past, its much better to actually try and be vulnerable with the right people.
@@x7eo661 or strong emotional boundaries..!
@gatorssbm that's exactly it, they are afraid. Luckily though, it can be addressed, but it's a lot easier said than done to confront your fears, patterns in relationships, the very root of it. Woof. The best people can do is make sure they remain in a place of secure attachment, then it really should not get so far, as one will be very secure in themselves and their boundaries.
Idk about the "we pay for" part.. we choose who we let into our lives and we are responsible for our decisions. Learning to have strong boundaries would help avoid engaging with avoidants. I think the hell they live in is unfortunately one that they create for themselves and are kinda stuck in until they get to a place where they can seek help for it. I imagine the patterns of hurt, fear, anxiety, isolation lead to depression. 🫤
Am a fearful avoidant but i dont give silent treatments i consider it abuse, i tell my friends that i need a few days off or i wont be able to hangout, and if they text i never ghost i reply to what they asked about the same day.
If someone comes too close to me i put some boundaries because i can't handle closness, i have been neglected by both parents and experienced a lot of pain trying to get them to see me, so i associate love with pain, and i no longer want to please anyone, i never been in a relationship my whole life because i am aware of all this. Anyway i dont think i can change but i try to communicate why i do what i do and hope ppl would understand.
Are you a guy or a girl? My ex is FA too and she always used stonewalling to abuse me
@@thiuna3466 am a girl. am sorry that this happened to you, I can see how an avoidant can do that if they are not aware of their behaviors and patterns. i started researching years ago so I could be more aware and changed lots of things that I did in the past but I still have a long way to go. It's not easy because we act out of fear. Hope you are doing ok now.
It's not your fault that you were neglected by both parents, striving for their attention, connection, and love.
But associating love with pain is wrong. You didn't know better then, but you should truly know it now.
Are you incapable of love? Do you feel you don't deserve 'Real Love'? Are you capable of emotional connection?
Take the time to learn your ATTACHMENT and strive to heal your heart... Your heart is created for love, to bond, to connect on a truly deep emotional connection. To serve with love and BE SERVED WITH LOVE.
Choose to heal, break your generational curse, break your trauma bond and be engulfed with love... with the right person. Choose to do life differently (than your parents).
Avoidants should NOT enter ANY relationship. Period. Just save themselves and everyone around them. Everything else is pure bs.
how common it is for many of us to have dissociative parts of ourselves that deal with certain situations
Avoidants are selfish
100%
Happy to b buy myself 😁. With or without you 😊
Forever? Really?
@@leahteneal9662 tough guy syndrome
This is totally true. I know avoidant very good.
Thank You! Super informative:)
Avoid Avoid Avoid THEM!!!!!!!
thanks so much
Very helpful... Thanks
I think I am all these attachment styles, I think I'm fucked
Relationships = the insanity of them. Much to be said about being single.
You got that right. If I could do my entire life all over again, I would NOT give my phone number to, or even take a second look at, 99% of the men I have met, or 95% of the women. Why does wisdom have to come with age ??? In my case anyway, as no one told me growing up about how people out there can use you. My father, an elementary school principle, was a malignant narcissist who always hated me, and my mother, a third-grade teacher, taught me by example with her co-dependency and her "toxic positivity" that I was supposed to just take all abuse that people inflicted on me, to keep the peace. Any time I told her about someone's horrible behavior toward me, her only resonse was, "but there are a lot of nice guys out there". HUH ?????
I am 72 now.
😢😢😢😢😢
Doesn’t excuse to hurt others, did your trauma teach you that?
@@galaxy98765i am 24 , i will live my life in contrast to how you lived yours , so that your Exprience and the lessons i am learning from you dont go to Waste , thank you ❤❤
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Avoidants, narcisist- potato, pothato
2nd, 21 July 2024
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Then maybe they should stop distancing themselves